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Hello, welcome to Jason Newland dot com. My name is Jason Newland. This is let me bore you to sleep.
Please only listen when you can safely close your eyes. Now, I don't know if you can hear that little buzzing in the background. Don't worry, it's not your ears, not your hearing aid playing up.
It is. This is ridiculous. This is just silly.
Okay. I've got a laptop. This is a good laptop.
It's a really, really good laptop, which I'm using, which I'm going to be using for editing and for video editing and stuff like that. And, you know, it's it overheats. Which is annoying because I'm going to be using that to live stream and to make videos using the PC, plugging stuff into it.
Can't do a live stream or video with like a hurricane going on in the background. So I looked for the solution. Basically, it just means it's overheating.
The fan goes a little bit, you know, haywire if it's being used for too many things. Now, I've had it on. And it wasn't even doing much.
I wasn't even, you know, putting it through its paces. And it's it's a really good laptop, you know, but it was it was making a noise. The fans were overheating.
So I looked for the solution. A cooler mat. So I bought this cooler mat.
Cooler mat. Cool. It's the cooler mat.
A cooler mat. Now, the cooler mat plugs into the laptop via a USB connection. The cooler mat is louder than the actual laptop.
So I've got three times as much noise as before, and the laptop still buzzing, even though the cooler mat has a fan and blows cool air up the bum of the PC laptop. Absolutely ridiculous. Now, I won't know how loud it is.
When I until I like, you know, listen back to the recording. So I'm you know, apologies if it's like really loud. But this I can hear it.
Admittedly, it's not really close to the microphone. That's where my gob is. My gobs close to the microphone.
Nothing else is really near. But nevertheless, like blimey, man. I can't do a live stream without blowing off and blowing off.
So it's always just these constant obstacles. It's just even with decent top class equipment, that recording desk thing I bought the minute like it's a big old thing, right? It takes a mini SD card, not like even a normal size SD card, a mini SD card, tiny kind of thing is, is it's only just a little bit bigger than the kind of thing you put in your phone, the SIM card in your phone, it's like tiny little thing, little bit thicker, but tiny. And it got lost, it got it got stuck in the in the machine, in the slot.
And I what did you do wrong? Stop trying to find ways to blame me. It's not my fault. You know, some people are like that name always has to be a blame.
What did you do wrong? How did you put it in? Did you put it in wrong? Were you standing on your head when you did it? No, I just put it in. You know, the idea that all mechanical things could never go wrong. Well, yeah, they can can't they? Anyway, I put it in, it got stuck, try to unhinge, well try to unstick it by sticking some, you know, that metal thing that you put SIM card that you open your phone up? Yeah, it's a little metal thing.
I tried to get through it. Unplugged it first, obviously, try to sort of get to it from that way. And it did just basically now it fell out.
And it's inside the case just flapping around, reproducing or whatever mini SD cards do. Absolutely ridiculous. And the whole idea is using that is so I didn't have to plug it into anything else.
I can't believe honestly, like a whirlpool over here. What's next in the corner of volcano will erupt. I mean, this is ridiculous.
This is absolutely silly. Scared to go into the bathroom in case I get hit by a tsunami from the bath. This whole flat is cursed.
Anyway, that's enough moaning. Maybe, maybe. Today, Friday, the 1st of October.
The first part of the day was trying to sort out my bills. A payment I was expecting didn't come through. So I couldn't pay my bills.
I had to chase it up. So it's a lot of hassle. And then all eventually it came through now that all that's gone.
Just paying off the electric bill, electric and gas bill, credit card bill. And have a look what bills that I pay off. Let me tell you.
I've got it written down somewhere. Because I tried to pay this stuff off with a credit card. No, can't use a credit card.
They increased my credit. You know, so I've got more to spend. So they can make more money off me an interest.
But I thought I'd use it to pay off the bills. Because there's no money in the bank. No, no one would accept it.
And the ironic thing, yeah, it's an Amazon credit card, even Amazon wouldn't accept it. I'm not even joking. It's got Amazon on it.
It's a credit card from Amazon. Okay, it's underwritten by a bank or whatever. But Amazon, I could not buy anything on Amazon with the Amazon credit card.
Now this ain't gone wrong there in there. Absolutely ridiculous. So let me change my glasses so I can actually see what I'm doing.
There you go. So I paid my credit, the other credit card. I paid the catalog.
Didn't pay Argos because it doesn't need to be paid till the 20th of October. So I'll do it then. Yeah, that the credit card wouldn't accept.
The catalog wouldn't accept the credit card. Argos only debit cards accepted. Is it because they get charged extra? Well, in that case, charge me extra.
If it's going to charge you a couple of pound extra, just put that onto my, you know, make my life a little bit easier, please. And the electric and gas company. Nope, they don't accept credit cards.
Amazon do accept credit cards if you pay for their prime. If you pay for prime, they accept credit cards because I had to buy some stuff. So I joined prime because it's going to save me money on postage and packing.
I need to get some stuff for a friend. Accepted it for that. But when I went to actually purchase the items that had free postage and packing, he wouldn't accept it.
It's amazing, amazes me. Amazon don't even accept the own credit card. Nothing, it's nothing here.
Spotify wouldn't accept the credit card. Disney did. I think Disney did.
Adobe do. But I'm not due that one anyway. That's already been paid.
So what I did when I got the pay, when I got the money, and I'm probably normally have at least 200 pound go straight out at the beginning of the month, a council tax, TV license, a mobile phone, the iPad, whatever things, a few other bits and bobs go out on the first of the month. So none of that could go out. Hopefully they'll just try again, because now the money's in there.
Enough hopefully to cover. But the rest of it I paid off what I need to do on the credit card. 148 pound 22 on the catalog.
131 pound 17 for the gas and electric. Spotify it was 999. I think there's a couple of other things as well.
I can't remember. It's not written down. I got it now TV.
That's 999 a month. And they offered me a deal. Special discount deal.
Went back on there. This is yesterday. When I tried to get the deal.
So they offered me these two deals. Half price for the movies and for the things. I thought yeah I'll have that.
Went to take the deal. My credit card wouldn't go through. Went back today to get the same deal.
But with just the debit card. No. Deals are gone.
Bye bye. No. Why? Why? I don't understand.
I don't get it. I can't believe how noisy that cooling machine is. The machine.
It's not a machine. Well it is. I suppose it's mechanical.
It's a cooling, a laptop cooling pad. Specifically to quiet down the laptop. And it sounds like a helicopter is landing inside my ear.
Crazy mate. Crazy. There you go.
So I've decided. I'll be putting this off a bit. But I've downloaded all the Adobe Suite onto that laptop.
And I'm going to start learning to use the software. Starting to learn to use all of it actually. I want to just like plot around and see what I can do.
Play with it really. And just. I'm thinking of making some videos.
Not with my face on them. But just like a lot of videos on YouTube. You know like spiral with the voice.
You know the voice of the person speaking. But like a spiral animation. Or maybe scenes of the countryside.
Or rivers and stuff like that. So or like a lit candle. Now I've done all that in the past.
I have made those kinds of videos. But not using this software. So what I'm thinking of doing is try to make.
Yeah to make some videos. And post them on my YouTube channel. And hopefully they will.
Hopefully. Hopefully they will gain some views. Because they'll be more in line with what YouTube's about.
As opposed to just sharing my podcast episodes onto YouTube. And it's just a black screen really. With a little picture.
And the audio. And I don't get many people listening. I don't.
Or a thousand. A thousand views a month. Something like that.
And 275 hours a month in the last 30 days. And it's about average. Sort of every month's about that.
In fact it's gone down. It was more than that. But that was when I was uploading lots.
Like every day. So I'm trying to get all my stuff on there. Now I just put them on as and when I do or every few days.
Just you know update. Now unless. I guess unless YouTube changes.
Or unless people. Who. Because some people don't mind listening to the podcasts.
Unless that changes. I'll need to start making like proper videos. Either of myself doing a hypnosis session.
Or relaxation session. Or whatever. Or putting a video together with my voice behind it.
Or in front of it. Or however you want to. But the voice is invisible.
Can't be in front can it? So yeah. That's probably what I'm going to do. Well that is what I'm going to do.
When I've got a little energy spurt to do it. And I was watching MMA on TV just now. And it was on BBC iPlayer.
I can't believe it. Not it's like live. But on BBC iPlayer.
Which I imagine you can get all around the world. Because it's just an app. But maybe I might be wrong.
But then there was an interference with the signal. And on it came BBC One iPlayer Channel 4. So BBC in conjunction with Channel 4. It's a weird mix. At this point I've no idea what I'm talking about.
But I'm just guessing. It just seems like a weird mix to have BBC mixing with a commercial channel. A commercial channel.
Who knows. I don't. Obviously.
What else is that? Oh yeah I had to pay £50 back to a friend who lent me money a few days ago. Or last week to get through. So that money went.
Oh blimey. Money money money money money. But one thing that's happened is my headphones.
Admittedly they were cheap. Because my other headphones broke. Which annoys me.
Because the heavyweight champion. Well Andy Joshua. Former heavyweight champion of the world.
Until Saturday night last week. He wears them. He's been wearing his headphones for years.
Well you know. And I imagine he's got a much bigger head than me. And a lot tougher.
A lot harder head. Yet mine just broke. He's got to have a bigger head than me.
Just because he's just bigger. You know what I mean. He's 6 foot 6. 17 stone.
And I don't know. I mean being a boxer I imagine your head would become bigger I suppose over a while. A bit bruised and maybe that doesn't make sense.
But I can't have the same size head as someone that's 6 foot 6. And no. I don't think height's really got anything to do with it has it. The taller you are the bigger your head is.
If anything it would probably work the other way around. Because of gravity. The shorter you are the bigger head you can actually manage.
Because you need that girth. I don't know. To support it maybe.
I don't know where I'm going with that. Oh yeah my headphones. So they broke.
Chucked them in the bin. They snapped. Just snapped completely the side of it.
I was in town talking to the big issue seller. I took them off. I thought I was just going to put them around my neck or something.
They just broke. Very annoyed. She found it funny.
Bless her. And I got some other headphones. They were only £39 I think.
Very cheap. Bluetooth. I don't take them out.
I don't wear them outside anymore. I just wear them to watch television. Not normal TV but anything on the internet.
It connects to Bluetooth. So therefore I'm not disturbing anyone else. So that's what I've been using them for.
Well yesterday for some reason I got a call from for some reason the headphones decided not to connect by Bluetooth anymore to the television. Why? I don't know. Why? I don't know.
Why? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.
Very frustrating. Very annoying because I enjoy sometimes I like to sit here at the laptop or whatever and do work on my website and listen to Spotify for hours. You know it's one of my favourite things to do actually.
I quite like to you know if I'm just updating on the admin stuff. You know making images or whatever that stuff I do. I can chill out listening to that.
Now as I was speaking to you I realised I haven't tested the headphones to see if they link up with my phone. Because if they link up to my phone then I can listen to Spotify via my phone. It doesn't have to be on my TV.
Yeah that makes sense. Yeah I'll give it a try. I can't do it now because I'm talking to you and I'm giving you my undivided attention even though my chin did just hit the microphone.
Sorry about that. It is ridiculous the sound of that blimmin' cooler. By the way if it is annoying you don't worry it will not be on again.
I'm in the middle of downloading that whole you know a lot of stuff at the moment onto the laptop from the Adobe suite, the cloud or whatever. And I don't want the laptop overheating so I'm going to leave it plugged in. In fact I'm not.
I'm going to unplug it because I just realised I don't have to do anything do I? Oh peaceful. Now I don't know because the way that that cooler pad is built is it's off the desk and it's full of holes at the bottom. That might be enough to cool the laptop anyway because it's not just pushing all of its air into the desk.
You know it's it might without turning on that fan it might actually prevent the laptop from overheating. I don't know. The reason I'm saying that is because I'm pretty pretty sure that the old versions of laptop coolers were just that.
They didn't have anything you plugged in they were just designed so the laptop the bottom of the laptop would be raised off the ground. So there's a gap with holes in and there's a gap between so it's not like just on the on either your lap or on a desk which could prevent it from overheating to start with. So thinking about that I might be able to get away without having to plug it in but I don't know.
I really I just really don't know. I don't know. Let's see if I've got any messages readable.
I can't see anything. Saga holidays our new brochures are here says my email address. Oh saga because I'm old enough now I'm now officially an old fogey and I can go on old fogey holidays after over 50.
Apparently you can go on saga holidays if you're with somebody that's over 50 if you're like their guest or something or their wife or their husband or their sons but it's pretty much a child-free zone which is good. I don't know it doesn't I'll be honest I'm not that bothered I'm not really one of those people that are like children making noise all the time. Yeah I don't know I've not I've never been on a cruise so I don't know what it's like.
I know how it can be on a long train journey with a group of children sitting up at one of the tables or whatever and being loud for 73 hours straight. What kind of journeys do you go on? 73 hours you could go you could travel from one end of the UK to the next or England or Britain or I don't know this island one one end and back probably five times in 72 hours. I did get a message from Tara.
Hello Tara how are you?
He says thank you this was um two days ago I wanted to say thank you for doing what you do I listen to you every night to get to sleep my favourites are the try to keep uh try to keep your eyes open they work best for me well thank you the is that the one yeah I think that's um the try try and keep your eyes open or try not to fall asleep then that's one of my but it's my most popular YouTube videos um try to try to stay awake hypnosis challenge and by
far like by a mile that has been my it's the only video that's been popular I say popular popular in my world it's not popular in you YouTube wise it's a complete failure but it's my most popular video that I've ever made and I did that in 2012 so it's literally nearly it's over nine years away nine years ago I made that no yeah no yeah 7 8 9 10 11 when was the uh royal wedding royal wedding royal wedding the royal wedding may 18 royal wedding um okay well if I just put in William
wow okay um so yeah it's 10 years old 2011 so because I moved out well I was evicted from the place when I was at university I started a course in November no September 2007 moved into this accommodation November 2007 finished my degree in I don't know June 2010 I received my diploma or degree whatever you want to call it in November 2010 and then January 2011 I was given my eviction notice oh how lovely that was my late Christmas present from them I think or it was their late Christmas present to themselves so I
yeah I moved out there so yeah so it's too it's it's over because I'm I think I did that in the summer 2011 so that video is over 10 years old and you can tell if you watch the video of me yesterday on Facebook and you watch that video of me on YouTube and you can see I'm a little bit younger than I was and I was old then honestly I was I was what 40 what 41 no I was 40 still because it was before my birthday so I was 40 and now I'm 51
I'm gonna be one of those that start mumbling in a rage yeah oh really you're what 32 see I can't tell people I'm 35 because no one's going to believe it what's the point and what's the point of pretending or not telling people because I've met you ever met people like that even men even men because I was brought up in it to never ask a woman her age which is why I went out my way to ask women their ages when I was younger because I wasn't supposed to which is why I did it
because I just love to see people squirm because they were also brought up to think that you shouldn't a man shouldn't ask a woman her age so they weren't prepared for it yeah are you 21 again are you Nan or are you really 93 come on let's let's just find out 21 again blimey what's wrong with just being an age I mean I mean there's there's a degree of like what's it got to do with you yeah I'd even I think I'd respect that more if I say well how old are you it's never because
I'm preparing to mock them not now it's never to you know I'm going to make fun of their age and or use it in some way to uh annoy them use that precious secret information come on but there's still some people like how old are you I'm not telling you I prefer them just to say mind your own business what's it got to do with you that to me is a better response than to you because if they say mind your own business they're probably not embarrassed by it they just don't like you they don't
like you asking because it's none of your business which is true I suppose what it is yeah I just think that I've got the right to all knowledge so yeah if people get if people actually ask me to guess it's not a good idea to ask me to guess your age because I will go way over the top I will so if I say um sometimes I say how old do you so a woman may be in her 60s or whatever and I say how old are you or a man but I talk to more
women than men so that's that's probably why I'm a woman I'd say just because I just had more conversations with women than I do with men I always have done really and they'll say something like oh guess so admittedly I straight away 83 83 I'm not 83 I'm 42 why did not tell me that to start with so we didn't have to go around and play these pointless games now back to the original question will you marry me so I don't know it's I sometimes I sometimes go the other way above or below 50 I'll
say below 50 or above or below 40 below 40 you know something like that okay nine and they're clearly you know in their 40s or 30s like you're nine years old like guess you're five guess 106 don't ask me to guess because I'm not gonna I'm not gonna even attempt because I can't tell anymore I genuinely cannot tell how old anyone is really I don't know anymore I can't I can't gauge it because well for one thing a lot of young women walk around with blue hair I say a lot but some that I've seen
and you know when I was younger that's what pensions used to used to have blue hair very old ladies used to have blue hair if you think I'm lying it's true the blue rinse was a big thing and because it made them look so much younger because you know I think it's like well no one's going to think I'm gray if I have blue hair yeah that's true they can be so it's so confused like she's got blue hair I wonder if she why does she do that because she's got why now couldn't be because
she's gray oh yeah also that's another reason because when I was a kid women were gray not all of them but generally women over the age of 50 should we say had gray hair now that isn't the case anymore I mean I mean everyone over 50 has gray hair generally but I'm talking about like wearing it out gray being gray and it's I'm not see I see I see women I'm saying women because men don't seem to care I mean I think men give up on their looks by the time they reach 40 anyway so
you know man I don't care what my hair is falling out what am I going to care about going gray I'm going bald that's a bigger thing you really shrink him come on do you think I care about the color of my hair so um that's a few get to 50 the only pleasure you have is a the only pleasure in life is a bowel movement it's that's that's a weird one I never expected that to happen so back to positivity I am walking in the air if you were my lover well the laptop seems
to be very quiet now I think it because we I was talking about him for so long he's now a little bit shy it will be embarrassed in it yeah haven't made any recordings today apart from this one and it's fairly late at night it's getting on 23 minutes past midnight so it will be uploaded before the end of the official day which is half one but I don't know what I have I have excuse me I have I normally edit that out but I can't be bothered I have some days where I just don't
want to do anything and you know I've got I don't like I don't really like the label bipolar if I'm honest I think when I first got it I liked it just because finally an explanation that was where I was with that and then I find out a couple of years oh yeah then I ignore it so I find out I'm you know diagnosed with bipolar 2013 no 2011 December because I had a bit of a weird year that year I did a few weird things and a few weird behaviors that pointed to something not
being quite right so I you know I went to a doctor and I was on antidepressants and stuff this isn't a really negative story this is just fact so I don't think fact has to be positive or negative it just is you know I mean I mean if it's negative or positive in your eyes that's your response to it I guess but I'm not going to go into any kind of weird details that should bring any kind of negative response because I'm just giving you the very basic facts and the timeline of that particular event
thank you very much indeed and I was pleased not pleased to be diagnosed with bipolar but I was pleased to have for the first time some kind of an answer after having decades of mental health issues decades and decades and decades since a child all kinds of stuff you know amount of times I've been on medication for depression huge amounts of anxiety and lost two three jobs over anxiety and stress in the past done some weird stuff and you know if the doctor ran out of things to give me to diagnose me with first of
all was stress when they couldn't I was ill for a year into what 1994 five stroke five because it's through the path of each year and I was ill like really ill physically couldn't find anything wrong with me test after test after test and eventually they said yeah it got stress and I literally had two specialists in front of me telling me this we can't find nothing wrong with your man must be stress take these tablets they didn't actually say take these tablets because I had they gave me a piece of paper with a prescription
on and I had to go and collect them from the chemist not pharmacist chemist because that's what they used to be called now pharmacist for some reason and it's spelt wrong ph should be f ridiculous makes me so mad and um yeah so that's the new catch sorry that was loud that's the new catch phrase makes me so mad so I and then you know I've been through that old stress anxiety disorder recurrent stress disorder recurrent anxiety recorder recurrent depression disorder um blah blah blah blah so many different things and then to be diagnosed with
bipolar and then I took medication and it was all the medication that gave me knocked me out completely so I I took it and within honestly 10 minutes I was unconscious and I'm at an age where I get up out this isn't going in the direction you think it's going just let you know that I'm at the age where I get up at least once a night to go to the toilet I didn't wet the bed don't worry but I also drink water so I'll go to the toilet if I don't need to go to
the toilet I'll have a drink of water I get dehydrated not it's not it's not really dehydrated because dehydrated is a serious thing we we use that though like I'm starving you're not starving you're hungry I get dehydrated no you're not you're not dehydrated dehydrated that's being in a desert without any liquid for you know a day or two days that's dehydration that's a serious medical condition this dehydration it's like well I haven't had a drink for a few hours so you know what I mean when I say dehydration I had a dry mouth and
I needed to dry yeah I needed some liquid and so I had a headache I was waking up and had a headache because I hadn't it was horrible I took them for a few days and I was tired during the day like how can I be tired after being asleep all day all night rather so I stopped taking them and then I just carried on with my life 2013 I got a yeah at the end of two so I moved at the end of 2012 I got a job in a call center I'd lost my
all the counseling gone everything had gone pretty much by that point they still had a little bit of counseling work in 2013 for the first you know four months or something but you know things have gotten really bad financially all that stuff and it's because of the the government cuts so because I was working for charities I was they were employing me by the hour to do counseling and to sometimes go into schools and counsel young people and counsel old people whatever so I was working for at one point three different charities plus private practice
and I didn't have many clients in a private practice and then suddenly I lost I went from 16 clients down to about four something like that maybe five and that wasn't enough that didn't even cover the rent and I was living cheap as well you know at that point but you know it just all went a bit pear shaped got myself I did get some work as a care assistant I'm laughing because it didn't go very well that's probably not not in not in a bad way just it was just the training was ridiculously bad
and they're basically providing a person doesn't have a criminal record anyone can do that job temperament has nothing to do with it they don't care what your temperament is they honestly just give you just give you work not all agencies I'll be honest I have had a interview of another place they were very very thorough but I've had two care assistant jobs one was just with an agency and it wasn't even a job it was just temp the other place was an actual job and I was working in the psychiatric unit this is while I
was at university and in the training or in the interview actually it was the interviewers first they and I was had two people in front of me or three even and they said to me what would you do um if one of the one of our the patients attacked you now I'm not even lying here okay this is what what they said to me what would you do you're going to be working if you're successful you know you'll have training and basic training first aid and all that stuff um like two days worth of training
ye and a couple of online courses of hygiene and health and safety stuff like that this what would you do this is a volatile area a lot of the people are in there for violent crimes some of them or maybe during psychosis or whatever so I said okay I understood that I'm aware of that kind of situation I'm aware of why they might be in there anyways they said what would you do if someone attacked you in and I said I'd punch them that's what I said honestly you might think I'm just because I do
muck around and lie a lot when I do these recordings and just make stuff up but I genuinely said I'd punch them that way if someone attacked me I'd punch them with the hope of knocking them on the floor I wouldn't hurt them wouldn't start stomping them but I would punch someone attack I'd punch them it's just a natural reaction I thought because it just it it popped out of my mouth um like a set of false teeth when you're laughing you know I mean like it just I didn't realize it was going to happen
it plopped out I punch them I didn't mean to say it it was the truth it was what I was thinking but I didn't know it was going to come out of my mouth and after that I thought oh okay it doesn't matter what I say now you know even if I start singing dancing in the rain the chance of me saving this interview is probably gone I had the umbrella and everything but just needed a lamppost so anyway they said oh okay we'll get back to you we'll let you know before I was even
home a phone call yeah you're successful what I said you have to do the criminal check obviously before we uh you're allowed to work but you can start the training and I said all right okay they said uh if you're if you're available um I think it was like three days training I think I have a vague memory of it I've done a few different trainings over the years so I can't always remember what's what and I can't believe that all I was thinking is I just told you that I'm probably not a good candidate
for that position I mean I didn't mean to present myself like that and I'm not an aggressive person so I don't I think at the time I was doing boxing so I was training in boxing um a couple of times a week so and I had a punch bag in the garden and you know so I guess my that's probably where I was coming from it's just the natural reaction and couldn't believe it they gave me the job and it was every Friday every Saturday and Sunday because I was well I was at college all
day you know all week or university all week every Saturday and Sunday um I think it was something like seven I think it was 13 and a half hours really early in the morning till the early evening it's about 13 and a half hours a day Saturday and Sunday and boring and tedious don't do it justice those poor buggers that live there I don't know what's worse them living there or them having to put up with the care workers they're there for 13 and a half hours cooking and dinner we were cooking and no one
there was a cook we were just care workers but we were we were cooking and food because there was a kitchen we were getting them their dinner ready but making the dinner for them see I'm sorry but that's wrong there should be a chef well I don't know I don't mean Gordon Ramsay although I'd quite like to see him act tough in that particular environment because he wouldn't he wouldn't get on very well imagine him shouting at the patients you'd see that on the news wouldn't you Gordon Ramsay heads was discovered in the garden or
in the fridge so yeah it's um I tell you and this is stuff that I probably shouldn't really say but I won't mention details but they were they were all doped up like completely sedated not all of them but a couple there was one person sitting there all day in a chair didn't do anything didn't move just watch television all day and some of the patients had to have someone with them all the time and I looked at these girls I was in a female only ward there was me and another man and there was
mainly just the rest were women there was a nurse and on because I had to have a nurse to prescribe the drugs and not prescribed to give them the drugs and to be there in case of emergencies because there was weird things happen sometimes as I'm sure you can imagine which needs an emergency nurse or doctor weren't weren't far away from the hospital either and some of the females were just full of full of energy and if you didn't know where you was I guess you'd be an inpatient wouldn't you know if you didn't know
where you was you would if you like if you just met that person you could be anywhere you could be in a nightclub in a pub in a park you you wouldn't think anything of it the way they were behaving was just as normal as anyone else just with a bit more energy funny articulate just humans and I thought this isn't how I I expected a place like this to be because this wasn't just a normal I say normal this this was extreme this was an extreme psychiatric unit they were they wouldn't you know this
was like court these were like prison sentences for a lot of these people they were you know they were basically sent there instead of prison for crimes so you know I know people that have been sectioned that have never done a bad thing to another person in their life never committed a crime really apart from maybe I don't know urinating on a cow or you know just something minor like that um but I don't know I didn't know what what it was all about I didn't know what who I was dealing with until at the
end of the day at the end of the the shift we all had to do a log of and we we basically needed to we were told who we needed to keep an eye on and it would write a log about them and write about how they did what they did and whatever did a jigsaw puzzle and if they misbehave or misbehaved if they were naughty by naughty I mean um cause they got into a fight with another inmate which they were inmates basically they weren't allowed to leave it was a prison I was basically
a prison guard which is weird to think that and they would have these huge files of information about them and so you know I was filling this for me so I had a little look I wasn't interested in personal details you know um I'm not going to disclose any details but I couldn't believe actually I'm going to disclose some I couldn't believe um I'm not I kind of feel I should because it makes it more interesting but anyway I couldn't believe some of the crimes that they'd been found guilty of some of these or all
of you know pretty much all of them yet none of them came across as being particularly aggressive or anything and the one sitting in a chair watching telly all day wow I mean not at one point did I ever feel at risk sitting in this on a set a opposite her she she hardly spoke when she did she was polite you know really polite um wow you know when I saw what she was in there for um I could see why she needed someone to be watching the whole time but she just didn't seem like
any kind of a threat to anyone she's just a nice person she seemed like a nice person a bit out of it but that's because of the medication but she seemed like a knight you know but then you shouldn't judge people by what they did you judge sometimes they don't judge someone by what they did judge them on what they do how about just not judge them but then the other argument is everybody judges other people it's naturally human that's an argument in there as well isn't there whatever care assistant so I did that and
then I left because it was I'll be honest it was boring it was so damn boring the stimulation the staff there had no interest in the patients zero interest in the patients didn't want to talk to the patients didn't want to interact with them didn't want to do anything in fact I think some of them all they wanted to do was antagonize them so they got into a mood got angry and then they could take the patient down to the floor and tackle them and sedate them and you know it's like just to make their
day a bit more interesting now I never saw any kind of horrible stuff happen because I wouldn't have put up with it but it was so subtle so I mean maybe it wasn't as subtle as what I thought but to me it was too subtle to be whistleblowerable whistleblowerable if you know what I mean plus they didn't because the all the girls were tough you know they were all the staff wouldn't want to tangle with them one-on-one uh in a like a stand-up situation but it was like it was never one member of staff tackling
the patient to the ground it was always at least two or three the alarm would go off so on it's because all that the little alarms we walked around with press the alarm suddenly out of nowhere people I didn't even know worked there because there was so many different units all connected together so people from other units would come in to help and I didn't like it didn't like that aspect of it but the fact is they would push the push them wind them up to the point where they did physically attack or start to
look like they were going to so it's this weird very weird situation that was so boring sitting there watching tv I tried to I did actually try to do stuff like come on let's have you got no games here have you got that jigsaw not jigsaw puzzles because that's more boring than well is there anything more boring than a jigsaw puzzle I mean it's calming it's relaxing but boring on a scale of I mean yeah it's really good for relaxing but it's so boring it's more boring than me and nothing's more boring than me even
I'm the most boring man in the world and I get bored by jigsaw puzzles that's actually the second most popular video on my youtube channel I feel myself doing a jigsaw puzzle and I was so bored by it I chucked the jigsaw puzzle away afterwards I didn't finish it I just couldn't stand I got so bored making that video yeah it's my second most popular video on the channel but you know being second most popular means I get about three video views a month so let's not get too excited here you know I mean so
I always thought care work could be possibly quite a good thing for me to do so I'm I suppose I like to think that I'm fairly caring to people that need care does that make sense it's like someone's ill that brings out my caring side if they're not ill my caring side doesn't even arise it seems sometimes the most extreme situations will bring out that side of me like getting in the way of getting in the middle of two people fighting ridiculous thing to do it's very dangerous but I've done it on numerous occasions people
street fighting straight up fighting in the street you know it'd be 40 people standing around the other side of the road watching and filming it I'd go over there because I want to be on a film I want to go on YouTube and I guess because I'm I'm not little so I have they can see me you know I mean I'm not if I was skinny and tiny you know I mean and there's and they're two big blokes fighting they'd they'd probably just laugh at me maybe but at the same time I'm softly spoken and
I'm gentle I remember these two the last two I stopped I held their hands because they both had each other's hands arms and what I did is I walked up to them and I said you two look so lovely you're adorable the way you're cuddling like that I didn't um so I held one person's arm and the other person's arm so they could no longer hurt each other they didn't have the ability to punch the other one and I said come on come on lads we've all had a drink come on it's been a long
day come on come on can't we just get along hey hey hey we've all got our differences um can't we just agree to disagree so they basically just said the same thing it's okay I've got it don't uh if you can relax tell him to relax and tell him to let go because I was like if you let go I'll make sure nothing happens so if you let go he ain't gonna hurt you while I'm here so tough like that I'm not tough at all but for some reason that side of me comes out I
remember saying to my Nan we were going down a slope and she was on a walking stick well she wasn't on a walking stick she wasn't a witch um flying around on a walking stick she was just walking and I said to her Nan don't worry there's no way in the world you're gonna land on the floor I will stop you from falling in reality there was very little I could really do to stop her from falling it's afterwards I thought about that the intention in my head was nothing in the world will prevent me
from stopping her from falling nothing I you know I mean there's nothing I will stop I will use whatever is necessary even if it means falling on the floor ahead of her so she lands on me or something but in reality that's not true if she'd fallen I probably would have grabbed her to stop her and I probably would have gone over with her landed on her probably which you don't want my body landed on you which would have made it worse so I mean I'm not I'm I am but not really you know I
thought you were gonna help me grandson I've now got a punctured lung and uh I've only got no no it would be bad so I shouldn't laugh but it didn't happen but my intention was that this nothing will happen to you and that was my intention with these two men I said he won't hit you and I said to everyone he ain't gonna hit you while I'm here I won't I won't let I won't let it happen plus I had both of their arms so they couldn't physically do anything and they could have just pulled
apart and started fighting again that's all he needed to do but it turned into some kind of um really really bad display of jujitsu by two people that didn't know jujitsu basically they were holding each other but it was you know nothing happening turned out that one of them was a policeman so the woman a policeman hit the other one with a mobile phone split his face his eye open but they had already been fighting up to then anyway so I don't know who started it I don't know the funny thing about it is not
funny after about it couldn't have been more than about four minutes honestly it wasn't long that I was standing there all the police cars in the world turned up you know the I think those police cars from Canada turned up honestly you know what it's like they're not there when you need them but when you don't need them they're everywhere and this I just stepped back I think this woman came up and said excuse me so I let go I sealed his place they didn't need me standing there now I thought they could at least
ask me a question I didn't I mean I didn't want them to I just expected it because that normally is what happens if you're a witness to something they didn't want to witness I think because I'm guessing the policeman was in the wrong well he was in the wrong for hitting the bloke with a mobile phone to split his eye open I mean regardless of anything he wasn't defending himself you know he wasn't in a position of defending himself by doing that he attacked the bloke now thinking about it's a long time ago this is
this is before I moved in here so about seven years ago thinking about that's probably why they didn't it's like they didn't tell me to move on they just started arresting the other bloke you know because it takes about 15 police to arrest one man that's just standing there doesn't it as we all know so but they don't it's not enough to put handcuffs off someone is standing there they've got to put him into the ground and kneel on him and you know what if he's already standing there and he's got his hands on his
head or hands in front of him just put the handcuffs on no we have to take him to the ground in the most violent manner possible and and that's also the excuse because if they put you on the ground you bash yourself on the ground because think about it nearly every nearly every single arrest photograph of no matter what they've been arrested for if you see it on the news you see the arrest or in the newspapers the picture of them when they've been arrested always got like a black eye cut lip cut eye bad
always nearly always got that because they're roughed up during the arrest interesting isn't it interesting so it's that was a weird one actually it's a silly thing to do best thing to do is never get involved in any of that stuff it's not worth it but what can you do you can't always just ignore things i think what spurred me on to want to do something is because there was all these people watching you know i say 40 there's probably at least 25 people standing around watching and the crowd was gathering you know from the
other side of the road but not one person went over to sort of see if everything was okay see if perhaps one of them needed a hand to beat the other one up hold him down or whatever but nothing because i thought no i don't want to be like those people i don't want to be a an observer and and just to be someone that does nothing the same is when the woman outside the supermarket and again we're probably going back i don't know five years ago she'd uh fallen and possibly broken a hip or
something we don't i didn't know you know we were waiting she was waiting for an ambulance but it was a cold day a shop she was outside another shop that was there she was opposite the supermarket the little a little supermarket and someone gave her a blanket to put over and a cushion for her head and i said perhaps she should put the cushion under her head and she said oh okay and and there was no shortage of people asking if she was okay so that wasn't the issue for me you know people were concerned
that they could see that he was there and everyone that came over her husband was with her he just said go away she's fine go like typical old man wouldn't just because he wouldn't accept help for himself meant that he had to extend that courtesy towards his wife you know wouldn't accept help for her either we called an ambulance that's it and so he's probably stubborn old man and just you know probably didn't perhaps really know what was going on didn't know how to deal with it who does this situation like that it's probably quite
quite difficult and i mean especially if they've been married a long time i guess he quite likes her um so what i just uh said all right and he said yeah she's fell over she can't walk she can't move i think a leg or something hips and ambulance is on its way i said okay um but she was just lying there and there's something that maybe i just thought all these people walking past her she's all the way down there it must be very intimidating and for anyone very vulnerable he's very vulnerable in that um
lying down on the pavement position now i know you know that she's safe she's as safe as she'll ever be you know in ways all these young people all these different people of the different ages walking past no one was going to let anything happen to her or her husband i'm sure they might be walking past but everyone was looking you're making sure she was okay that she was all right you know no one was gonna ignore anything bad you know i'm sure but what came into my mind is it must be horrible not not
just to have like hurt herself but to have to lay there in the street in such a busy place because this is busy this was a really busy time of the day it was like five o'clock it was hundreds of people continuously walking past you know it was just continuous the pavements were full and the supermarket was full and it's like really busy busy time so what i did is i knelt down to start talking to her and i said are you all right and she was she wasn't she was stressed um she was kind
of uh shaken but not in a she was you know she i think she's having a bit of anxiety so i thought well who better than someone like me to talk to her who i'll put it in the last person anyone want to talk to like just go away you boring man go away anyway i started talking to her and i made her laugh and i thought you know what i'm gonna lay down i lay down next to her on the pavement so she faced me we had a little kiss you know um and i
just talked to her and she was laughing and i thought you know what she's no now she's no longer getting the attention because if anything people are gonna be looking at me because i think i you know why is or the both of us together why is there this these two people they're no longer looking saying why is that old lady on the floor lying there because they knew why obviously she'd had a fall it's not obviously but that's the kind of the obvious assumption you'd come to because unfortunately it does happen but why was
i lying down on the floor next to her took the attention off of her i couldn't care about the attention beyond me i didn't want it on me but i didn't care because i was focusing on her and we were talking and i just laid there until the paramedics arrived and we had a good old laugh being there distracted her from my pain probably might not i don't know might have given her more pain you know but isn't it weird more pain sounds like morphine so i gave her i just you know i distracted her
she didn't seem to be stressed or anxious or feeling anymore and um i think even at one point even her husband started laughing saying oh no you're gonna you're gonna run off with him now are you or something like that like he did the postman 20 years ago it was funny i don't know where he came up with that joke and but yeah it's doing something a bit weird like that that's when i realized i need to maybe see a doctor to get a diagnosis anyway i'm gonna go thanks for listening remember to be kind
to yourself because you deserve to be happy lots of love bye
Paragraph spacing and recurring name or title errors have been tidied. Because this began as a voice transcription, an occasional word or piece of punctuation may still be incorrect.