#713 Let me bore you to sleep - THANKS MARY - Jason Newland (29th August 2021)

Hello, welcome to jasonnewland.com, my name's Jason Newland, this is let me bore you to sleep. Please only listen when you can safely close your eyes. Please only listen when you can safely close your eyes.

Hello? Hello there? Is anybody there? Is anybody listening? Please let me know you're there. So yeah, I'm still 51. That's going to get really old isn't it? If in March I'm still saying I'm still 51, you're going to get old.

So, mind you, the introduction, it's very boring isn't it? Same introduction every single blimmin' time. Hello, welcome to jasonnewland.com, my name is Jason Newland, and this is let me bore you to sleep. Please only listen when you can safely close your eyes.

Yeah, the thing is, if I do a different introduction, which I have, you know, I've tested a few different ones out over the years, sometimes I forget to say the only listen when you can safely close your eyes. Which is probably, you know, among the most important things I need to really say at the beginning of a potentially sleepy recording. Or people listening when they're driving a car or other things that you drive.

You know, to me personally, I don't need someone to tell me that, you know, don't really need someone to tell me to only listen to something when I can safely close my eyes. Which is kind of aimed at me closing my eyes. But then I wouldn't listen to a sleep session when I was, you know, jumping out of a plane with a parachute, because I'm not stupid.

Mind you, I'd have to be stupid if I was jumping out of a plane, really, wouldn't I? Why would you do it? Unless it was your job, fair enough. There's some places you need to parachute out of and part of the armed forces and stuff, and it's, you know, it's a legitimately important way of getting into places. That's cool.

But for fun. For fun. What's fun about it? What is fun about it? Now Rachel might be thinking, didn't I tell you recently to make a recording about 1985? Yet you're still talking about stuff that's not about 1985 and I'm still waiting.

Okay, Rachel. Maybe this should be the recording I do that. Probably won't.

Let's look at the stats, because I know you all love to hear about the stats. Two big, well, one big thing. Firstly, it's not a big thing, but so far, still three and a half hours left of the day, because the stats finish at 1.30 in the morning, for some reason.

It got 7,862 downloads today, so far. Now, I posted this on Facebook. But I know not everybody that watches or listens to me are on Facebook, or on my Facebook.

My own, the Facebook that I own, you know, my page and that. So, I reached a million today. So, on one of my podcasts.

I mentioned it yesterday, but it was 999,000 and something. It's relaxation hypnosis for stress and anxiety. And that podcast now has 1,003,047 total downloads.

Yep. Not a huge amount. Oh, today? That's alright.

3,275 downloads today. Which ain't bad, considering I haven't made any recordings yet. This is the first recording, probably the only one today I'll do, because it's quite late in the day.

Spent a lot of today in bed, actually. Yesterday I had a headache. And... I was quite relieved to not have a headache today, and just relaxed a bit.

Although I did do one thing. One thing that I'm pretty pleased about, actually. Actually.

I assembled a desk. I assembled a desk all on my own. And it's a desk for my office.

Which is my... I can't really say office, but you know what I mean. It's my... the place where I do this stuff. And all I've got is this little table.

Which isn't big enough for anything, really. I've got all this, it's just such a muddle, the wires are getting tangled. And there's only enough room for one thing, pretty much.

And really, this table is really for eating at. Not really a table to be having computers and stuff. Because every time I need to eat at the table, I have to move stuff off.

Which is annoying. Plus I use different computers for different things. So I've got the iPad I use for, at the moment, making recordings, doing the images, sharing.

And the little laptop I've got. I've got a cheap little laptop, which is Windows, which I use for doing the... Making changes that I can't do on the iPad. There's certain things you can't do on the iPad that you can only do on a laptop.

So I use that for that, and also for transcribing the recordings. Because that doesn't work on the iPad. And so yeah, there's certain things I can only do on there, which I do.

And then I've got the mixer, like the recording desk, that I've not even used yet. I'm going to need a separate table for that. And I'm going to learn how to use that.

Mixed with the Chromebook. No, Chromebook. The... MacBook.

Which I've got for editing. Which I couldn't do on the iPad, and the little laptop's not strong enough. It's not powerful enough to do anything really like that.

It's only got, I think, 500 megabytes of storage. It's just a cheapy, cheapy laptop. But it's really handy for the little things that I do.

And I can have that run in separate. And so yeah, I use the iPad for most things at the moment. And so I've got two tables I've got.

One I've assembled, so I'll assemble the other one tomorrow. Which means I'll be able to have stuff set up that doesn't need to ever be moved. Does that make sense? So I've got stuff that will be there.

I also want to get a specific table just for writing. Just so I can do work on my book. And also, so I can leave stuff.

So if I've got notes all around the table, I don't have to move it. I can just leave it there. It doesn't get touched.

And I want a table specifically just for the MacBook. One just for the iPad. And one for the little laptop.

It might seem like, why are you spreading everything out? All different things, all doing different things. Now, having to move one to the back of the table to... Oh, it's such a hard thing to do! No, it's annoying. Because you keep moving stuff, the wires get tangled.

Sometimes the things turn themselves off. And... I just want things to be tidy. I need things to be tidy.

This is what I'm going to do. So that's the plan for this. Looks like I'm going to have to get another... I don't know what they call it.

It's the box that the microphones go into. I think that's the reason why the volume is quite low. So I'm going to need to get a new one of those.

Which is going to cost me a couple of hundred pounds. Running this service is expensive, you know. Because all the different things that go into it.

Even to share the podcast onto Instagram is going to cost me money. Because I need to sign up with a company. There's two.

One is called Wave or Wav. Wave, I think. Another one is called Headliner.

And what they do is they convert the podcast into an audiogram. And then you can share that onto Instagram. In order to promote.

Now, I've got... I think whenever I've posted stuff in the past on Instagram. It seems to get a lot of interest. But I've not ever really put much energy into Instagram.

Which you might think is a bit weird. Because it's probably a way more successful way to promote than Facebook even. Because of the huge audience that's constantly on there.

But then, I think partly it's because Twitter. I'm on Twitter and I post, I share everything I do on Twitter. And I've got such a tiny following on Twitter.

Really, I mean it's minute practically. Let me tell you, I'll show it to you. There's like a few hundred.

Even if that, what is it? Let's say profile. 657 followers. Okay.

I joined in April 2009. 12 years, 13 years or whatever. 657 followers.

And I share all of my podcasts. And hardly anybody ever follows me on there. I find that a bit weird.

I wouldn't find it weird if no one listened to my recordings. You know, I'd think, well okay, fair enough. I've only got 300 people listening.

And you know, fair enough, why would I have thousands of people on Twitter? But the fact is I've got an audience. An okay, I don't know what okay is anymore. What's an okay size audience? And I've been on YouTube, right? Where a podcaster is trying to show how to grow an audience, yeah? And they're showing their own podcast stats on there.

And they're just getting like a few hundred downloads a month. Or a few hundred downloads a week. I'm thinking, really? Really? Why would you show that in public? That's such a small, there's nothing wrong with that.

But it's a very small amount to be having your own video. Telling people how to grow their podcast. If you've only got that amount of listeners.

For me, I want to watch a video from someone who's got hundreds of thousands of downloads a day. I was going to say a month, but I've got that. I've got a couple of hundred, 200 to 250,000 downloads a month.

So I want someone who's got like a million a month. Or you know, 300,000 a day. Because that's where I want to be.

If I get some advice from someone like that. That could help grow. Because really, I'm not doing much in the way of promotion at all.

My SEO, search engine optimization. And all that stuff is pretty, pretty non-existent with me. So it really is a case of, if people come across me by accident, I guess.

And if those that do come over me, like what I do. And they keep coming back. But it's like a happy accident.

I don't know why that's funny. I'm a happy accident. But I don't, I'm not promoted.

I don't advertise myself. Not really. I share on Facebook, where it's the same people seeing it every time.

So it's not like there's like a new audience seeing. No one ever shares my stuff. Hardly ever.

So that's what I really need to happen. And that's the whole point of sharing on Facebook. There's two reasons to share on Facebook.

Firstly, to let your people that follow you know that there's new stuff. Most people are trying to sell something. But of course I'm not trying to sell anything.

It's just a free service. But just to let you know there's something new. The second point of sharing on Facebook, which will be even bigger than that, is so that people share.

So that they share it on their page. So that all their friends can see it. And no one does that with me.

So I don't get any of that benefit really of being on Facebook. In fact, I haven't shared anything on Facebook for about a week. As far as podcasts go.

And it's made no difference to the stats at all. I don't even need to be on Facebook in order to promote my podcasts. And I think that's a shame.

Because I've worked on Facebook right from the start. Right from Facebook's inception pretty much. Was it 2007 I think my Facebook page was started.

I was like wow, come on. I remember I took a whole week off work. I did have a cold.

I didn't do it just for this reason. But I spent the whole week. It was a mild cold.

I was in bed. But it was like a lazy week. So I was working full time.

Maybe part time actually at that point. But I had a week off work. I had a cold.

And a few years earlier I decided I was never going to work when I was ill again. Because I did that for many years. And there's no benefit to it.

And also if your brain works you realise that if you're going to work with a cold. You're giving it to other people. You're actually causing other people to be ill.

You're ultimately affecting the company. Not that most people probably would care about that. But you're also causing the company a lot of problems.

And damage. Because if you get a cold. You give it to someone else.

Then they give it to someone else. So yeah that one week that you have off. That's costing the company money.

But what about all the other 15 people. That may also get ill because of you. As that kind of goes along.

In the end they've lost 17 years worth of work. OK exaggeration. But especially with air conditioning spreading those germs to every corner of the building.

Now lovely. You always get that hero don't you. I'm a hero.

I'm a hero because I came into work and I feel awful. And I'm all snotty and sneezy. And I'm going to cough.

And I'm going to cough over everybody. And I'm going to sneeze over everybody. I'm a hero because I came into work anyway.

And made everybody else ill. Well done. Such a hero.

They should be forced to go home. In fact they should be disciplined. Anyone that comes into an office.

A big busy office. With full on cold. Should be disciplined.

And sent home. Without pay. No they should still get paid.

Because people that work in offices do not get paid enough money to lose a week's pay. They should get disciplined. Don't you ever come back with a cold again.

But you know some places they don't believe you. They don't believe you like. Oh we don't believe you're ill.

I've known places where the only way you could have a day off or go home ill. Is if you actually came in and threw up on the desk. I'm not even joking I've seen people do it.

Because the bosses are so. Nasty I guess. They don't believe that anybody can be ill.

Because maybe they've never been ill. I've actually seen people come in. And hurl.

All over the computers. And they get sent home. And when they phone up the next day saying I'm still ill.

They get believed. So you know. But that's a drastic way to get time off work.

That's err. I do believe the person was actually ill. They were just pretending but I don't know.

I mean I know plenty of people that can cry at will. So maybe some people can vomit at ill. At ill? At will? When they're ill? At will? I don't know.

Never been able to cry at will. I think there's that err. There's that natural distrust that men have.

At women crying. And it's not because of women it's because of girls. Because boys, little boys grow up with little girls.

And they see. First hand. Little girls pretending to cry.

Right from early, early on in their life. All the way through school. If they've got sisters.

Any boy that's got sisters will have got in trouble so many times. Because. The little girl, his sister cried.

Or pretended to cry. And as soon as he got in trouble. He'd look over and she'd be smiling.

You know. So. There's always that little bit of mistrust.

And it's warranted. It's very warranted. Because.

I don't care if someone is crying or not. That sounds bad doesn't it. I feel I can usually tell when someone's really crying.

Because I've cried and I ain't pretty. And I don't think you can, you can't fake that kind of crying. When I cry I howl.

I howl to the moon. I do. I don't just go.

I. Howl. It's almost like the devil's trying to get out of my stomach. And.

But then not everyone cries the same do they. I've actually seen people. I don't know.

I remember my step mum. Used to be able to. Change the way she was instantly.

So I never really trusted. I couldn't understand. She'd be shouting at me.

Angry at me for. Some silly reason. Set fire to a bed or something.

And she. She'd be like. Oh really.

And then the phone would ring. And she'd answer. Hello.

You look really nice. Oh hello dear. How are you? Yeah.

Yeah. It's great. Yeah.

Yeah. Brilliant. Yeah.

Off tomorrow to get a new bed. Yeah. Do you want to come meet up for coffee.

And then she put the phone down. Suddenly. Her face would.

Melt back into some kind of goblin. And continue to. Eat my head.

And it's just like. Wow. How can you just change.

Emotionally like that. Unless it's fake. Which one was fake.

And if you can do one that's fake. You can do others that fake. Therefore I don't know which.

When you're being real. How do I know if it's true or not. How do I know what you're saying.

And your emotions are real. I just found that difficult. That's why I'd.

I could never date anyone like that. I like people just to be real. You know.

If you're in a mood you're in a mood. And that's it. Like nothing's going to change it.

You can kind of. Mellow it down a little bit. But you can't go from being in the mood.

To being really happy. Unless you go through some kind of. Suppose a breakdown or something.

Some episode. But you know generally in life. Yeah.

I had that silent treatment in the past. I've given the silent treatment as well. I had a girlfriend once.

And she used to keep telling me. She used to. She didn't like.

She didn't love me. But she wanted to sleep with me. Now I didn't understand that.

Because firstly. I mean why would you want to sleep with me. In the first place.

I never understood that. Yeah but okay. If you love me.

Then you put up with. This. But if you don't love me.

What benefit is there to you. Of sleeping with me. I want to say sleeping.

I'm talking. You know. Sleeping.

And. I loved her. And I tell her I loved her.

And I get no response. Which is. That silence is almost.

I mean it hasn't. I mean this is. Blimey.

Blimey. Blimey. Blimey.

This is 1997. Yeah. 1997.

That's the last time. I kind of loved anyone. And.

Like that. To the point of. My life.

Completely. Crashing. Because my life crashed.

I was really. No woman's had that effect. On me.

Since. Or I've not allowed it. And.

Even then she's like. But I couldn't leave it. I said I loved you.

Yeah I heard. She didn't talk like that. She was Italian.

I heard what you said. She was English. But she was half Italian.

And I said I. I said I love you. She said. Yeah.

Do you love me? No. Actually it wasn't even no. The attitude was no.

It was like factual no. And it was. That was like the hardest.

One of the hardest things. Emotionally. Like relationship wise.

Romantic relationship wise. I'd ever dealt with. Probably ever have since Eve as well.

And I was like what? And. The next day. I remember I walked.

She lived near where I worked. So we both kind of went together. And I just ignored her.

The whole journey. And I just didn't want to see her again. And I don't know if I did see her again after that.

I'm not sure. But it was. Very weird.

What a strange. But she was very young. But I was very young too.

I mean as I said 1997. That's quite a long time ago. I was 26.

She was 18. 18? It's not that much younger than 26 really. Eight years.

Is it eight years? Six. Yeah. Trust me.

She was way more mature than I was. She was probably more mature than what I am now. Mind you I was probably more mature than what I am now.

I held down a job. I had a secure job. I was a security guard.

It was secure. And I had. I was physically fit.

I went to the gym. I ate pretty well. I. I could hold a conversation.

I was quite personable. I was funny. I was.

Yeah. I had quite a lot. I was slim.

Yeah. I think I had quite a lot going for me actually. I was doing all right back then.

Doing all right I was. What happened? I don't know. What happened? To me.

I don't know what happened. It all went wrong didn't it? Yes. I do wonder though.

I really think the way my life has been. If the internet had been around when I was a kid. I think I would have got really into it.

Because I didn't like computers. Computers bored me. Because it was like what am I going to do with it? Didn't.

I wasn't interested in games. Not really any kind of game. Board games.

Which I think are the right word for them. Because they're boring. But that's just me.

Board games. Unless you're drinking alcohol. Then anything can be interesting I guess.

If you're that way inclined. But I don't do I so. Hey.

Board games boring. Computer games. Never got into it.

I even bought. Okay. That's a lie.

I enjoyed the Atari game set. But that was only because I was staying with my uncle. For about a week.

And he had the Atari. He had everything. He literally did have everything.

I mean he was rich. But he was kind of like a big kid. You know.

And a little daughter. Who was about the same age as my little brother. And he was lovely.

He was such a brilliant uncle. You couldn't. And it wasn't that he had money.

He just was a really nice bloke. And he enjoyed. I'm saying like he's still alive.

But you know. I haven't seen him for a long long time. Decades and decades.

But he. He was so nice. So nice.

And actually I'll tell you what I did. I found him on Facebook. And I wasn't really ready to sort of reconnect with him.

Because I have no connection with his sister. Who was my stepmum. For nine.

I don't know nine years or something. And then she she moved. And.

I just wasn't. I didn't really feel I wanted to connect. Back with him and stuff.

But I did want to tell him. Some stuff. So a few years ago.

I went onto his Facebook page. And I sent him. A really long message.

Basically thanking him. For being such a brilliant uncle. And I told him a few little things.

That I remembered. But I just wanted to thank him. Because.

Spending time with him. Was some of my. Favourite.

Childhood memories. And it wasn't just that. As I said.

It wasn't just that he had a beautiful house. And we had. You know I lived in a big house myself.

We had to. Because there was so many of us. But my dad was a really hard worker.

And stuff. But it was relaxing there. It was chilled out.

He was calm. He was softly spoken. He didn't shout.

In fact. Even me and my brothers. Like when we were down there.

Like when my dad. Because we used to go down there. Like probably once a year.

To visit. And all of us. And then near the end.

It was just my step mum and me. And my little brother. The last couple of times.Me and my brothers. We got on. We didn't argue.

When we were there. As far as I remember. Yeah I don't think we did.

Not in the way we did at home. Or when we were camping. And I think part of the reason for that.

Is because we had our own rooms. Which we did at home. But.

It was just nicer. We had things to do. There was a beach.

I mean literally. He lived. His house was.

I'm going to give you like a visual image. His house. It's hard to do.

He had this big huge house. Big white house with a big garden and stuff. And.

I suppose there was this driveway. Maybe there was a round bit. I can't remember that.

But. He also could drive into the back way. He had a driveway in the back as well.

So he could go out. And there was a road. Which led to the beach.

And there was a bit of kind of. Grassery. You know like the grass that grows on the beach.

That you get. That kind of. As you're standing there.

Because I was little. You couldn't really see the sea. You know it was there.

If you I suppose as an adult. You could probably see over it. But it was probably kind of.

Five foot high or something. And there's a few little pathways through it. And you walk through there.

And then he was on the beach. And there the sea was. So it's literally.

We could see the sea from the house. See the beach from the house. You could hear the sea from the house.

But it wasn't like directly. So the house wasn't actually on the beach. But it was.

As good as on the beach. Technically it was on the beach. But if it was on the beach.

It would sink wouldn't it. You can't build a house. Remember the parable.

I think it was the Christian parable. Building. Building a house on the beach.

The other one. Building on poo. And what was the other one.

Building it on. I think it was. Homeless people.

I don't know what it was. But it was like different places wasn't. And in concrete.

The concrete was the best one. The beach it just sunk. But nice while it lasted.

Scenic. Yeah. But I remember I just.

I remember once though. Because we used to walk up. Well I used to walk up the road.

And there'd be all these little hills. Because it was a beach. It was very.

It was coastline. And I heard someone shouting out my name. I was thinking imagine.

If I have a kid. I'm not going to have a kid now. It's a bit late.

Unless there's someone out there. That still has an active womb. Who likes me.

Then maybe we'll have a kid. But I. I. If I have a kid. I'm going to call him help.

And mess him up. Can you imagine every time he goes on holiday. Every time he goes anywhere.

Like on a beach. Help. He's calling me.

Or stop. That'd be another name. Call him stop.

Yeah. Help or stop. Or help stop.

That could be his name. Help stop. Or stop help.

So whenever you heard anyone shout stop. It'd look around. Whenever you heard anyone say help.

It'd look around. I'm actually moving my head for some reason. I really should film these sessions.

Because you're missing out on all the action. What other names. Maybe Jesus.

H. E. S. H. E. S. H. S. U. U. I. S. Which is the correct way to spell it. Jesus. So I couldn't call him baby Jesus.

Because that would be sacrilege. Wouldn't it. I'd call him baby Jesus.

J. E. S. U. S. That's just wrong. How could anyone. No one would do that would they.

It's not allowed is it. I don't know. I mean, I don't know, I suppose some kids are called Abraham, aren't they? Moses? Have you met anyone called Moses? I haven't.

Perhaps it's possible. No, there was someone called Moses. Who was that? There was someone called Moses.

But you don't even, you can't be called Jesus. But then other, yeah, some religions, it's almost encouraged, like everybody's called like the main name, aren't they? Not everyone, but a lot, millions. That just seems, I don't know, it just seems weird because you're not supposed to, are you? I don't think.

I wonder if you're allowed to make cartoons of Jesus. Is that allowed in Christianity? I don't know. I don't know what the rules are.

I mean, as far as I'm aware, this is gonna be controversial, as far as I'm aware, two and a half thousand years ago, hmm, you ready? Cartoons weren't around. Cartoons weren't around. I'll say it again.

Two thousand years ago, cartoons were not around. So how can something that didn't exist be illegal, or against the rules, when no one even knows it exists, doesn't exist yet? Like saying driving cars is, that's against our religion. Well, it didn't exist when religion started.

Apart from the newer religions, you know, like Mormonism, and what's that one the famous people like to get involved in? It's all about spaceships and stuff. That cult, what's it called? I said cult, c-u-l-t, you know the one, it's all about little spacemen and stuff. Scientology.

Sometimes I think Scientology might be the best one, because they seem to be doing pretty well, and a lot of people that do it seem to be doing pretty well. Now, I would give 50% of my earnings to an organization that helped me to increase my earnings by a thousandfold, wouldn't you? So if you had, if you earn in 30 grand a year, and suddenly, you know, said well we want half of your earnings, it's like well 15 grand, well if you earn in 15 grand a year, I'm just trying to think realistic, 15 grand a year, they said we want half your earnings, so seven and a half grand, it's impossible, can't do it, it's not gonna happen.

If you earn in 15 grand a year, you can't even give a hundred, you couldn't give a thousand even.

It's just not really, not really, and if they said yeah, but what we do is we can create, because we give the money, and the techniques we have, and everything, you can up your wealth to half a million a year, but we want 250,000 of that, and then you think yeah, but that's a lot of money, and they said yeah, but you're getting 15 grand now, you'll be earning, you'll have 250 grand. Okay then, okay, so maybe that's how it works, maybe because once you're in those kind of things, a bit like the Masons, you get another organizations, even joining a golf club, or being part of a men's club, like gentlemen's club thing that exists still, or political party, or I don't know, whatever, you get to meet people who have influence, or may be useful to your business.

As you imagine, you know, if you, you might just have a, be a small brewer, have a small brewery, where you make your own product, and perhaps you're just starting out, or maybe you, you're just, just ticking by, you've got a few farm shops that sell your stuff, and a couple of local pubs, and it goes down well, and people like it, but you may be only making a little bit of money, and then you join a gentleman's club, or you join a golf club, or you become a Mason, or you whatever, and you meet

up with someone that owns, you know, 10,000 restaurants around the world, or you know, owns supermarkets, and they say, well, you make friends with that person, and they say, well, I can help you, I can put, what do you do?

I do brewery, I've got these little beer thing that I do, I can help you, I can put that on your shelves, I put it on my shelves, put it in all 7,000 supermarkets I've got, and you're gonna be a millionaire, within a couple of years.

I was like, okay, some people with a bit of, bit of business sense might say, oh, mmm, mmm, but, but, but, but, what about, how are they gonna produce that much stuff? Because they're gonna have to expand, but where are they gonna get the money from to expand? Because they're just a small company, mmm, mmm, mmm, a contract from the supermarket chain, to say that they're gonna order 10,000 bottles a week, take that to any bank, and you'll get your loan, that you need to buy the extra equipment, and take on the extra stuff. Ain't that hard, really ain't that difficult.

Imagine Tesco, going in, or Sainsbury's, or some big supermarket brand, you've got a letter, a contract, saying, you know, for the next six months, they're gonna order, you know, two million pounds or dollars worth of, of stuff from you.

Ain't gonna be able to raise a hundred grand, to set up more machinery, and more stuff. I don't know what I'm talking about this, like, I don't know what I'm talking about, I'm making it up. It might be true, I don't know.

How do I know, I don't care. Do you know, it's the way I was going along with it, like, it was really, like, serious. I don't know if it's true.

Mmm, let's have a little drink. Can you imagine if Rachel's been listening to this, thinking, 1985, you bastard, where's my 1985? I do have some messages to read, let's have a look. Wait a minute, stop hassling me.

Right, I want to say thank you, it's probably a bit too late, so I have to figure a way. Mary sent me a happy birthday PayPal gift, so thank you Mary. I went to reply, PayPal wouldn't let me reply via email, and I don't know why.

It did a few days ago, now it's not. Very strange, I don't know what's quite, quite, quite, it is going on there. Other messages, I've got, I shared my thing on Facebook, and I got a few people, sort of, liked it and stuff.

This is my first 1 million downloaded podcast, so I just shared an image of the podcast stats, because, you know what, because I'm not a liar, or at least I try not to lie, try not to exaggerate either. If anything, I probably underplay things, so when I say I've got a million downloads on a podcast, I want to prove it, so I take a snapshot of the stats, and I post it. I mean, technically, I suppose, if I had the ability, I could just have made that image up myself, but I haven't.

What's the point? I mean, it's only really impressive to me. You know, I'm impressed by it, because it's beyond what I thought I'd ever be able to do, really. So, for one podcast.

So, I'm pleased. Anyway, a couple of people said nice things, so Eric Schmumpkin, excellent work, thank you, and Zoe says, you work really hard to make a difference to us Insomniacs, well done, thank you Zoe. Belinda says to Zoe, he really does, he's helped me a real lot, thank you Belinda, and Tracy says, will you stop posting these stupid things about your stats, I'm not interested.

I've got more important things to think about than your statistics for your bloody podcasts, you smelly bastard. Okay, fair enough. Can't please everyone, can you? So, I sent out a picture of me knob, I hope that helps.

So, look, Hurricane Ida, allow once. Wow, someone's posted a visual, like a video of Hurricane Ida. It's in South Louisiana, Ussa.

Is this live? This might be live, you know. Wow, I think it's actually live right now. Basically, roofs are being blown off of houses.

The thing is, right, if you live somewhere where there is such a thing as hurricane season, you kind of can't really expect too much sympathy from people that don't live in a place that has hurricane season. No matter how bad it is, you kind of, I feel, wouldn't you be prepared for hurricane season, if you have a hurricane? We don't have hurricane season here, and you know what? I wouldn't live somewhere that did. I wouldn't.

It's a big country. Well, my country is big if you walk, and even bigger if you're on stilts. You know, I purposely don't live in a flood zone, because I don't want to be flooded.

If I moved into a flood zone area, I couldn't moan about being flooded, because I've moved there, and it's a flood zone. It's known. So, if I moved to a part of the country that is known for having hurricanes, or extreme rain, or extreme wind, or, you know, if I went to Scotland or Wales, I couldn't moan about it snowing in the winter.

If I went to the Highlands in Scotland, I couldn't moan about the rain. I couldn't moan about the really harsh weather that they get there, because it's known for that. It's not just known for that.

It's a beautiful place as well, but you can't. It's like going to Ireland. Not the island of Ireland, but Ireland.

Just Ireland. Never used to be known as the island of Ireland, and it never should be either, you idiotic people that say the island of Ireland. There's only people on TV.

The island of Ireland. Shut up. It's Ireland.

Now, we've island ancestors that I do have. My nan's, my nan was Irish. Stop saying the island of Ireland.

Not one Irish person has ever said, when they say, where are you from? I'm from the island and I, island of Ireland. The island of Ireland. You mean Ireland? No, no, the island of Ireland.

In Cork, the island of Ireland. Shut up. One of my best friends, two of my best friends live in Ireland.

Three, including the one that's no longer here. Andre lived in Ireland, and I lived in Ireland myself for a while. And it's just the island of Ireland.

It's almost like, what are we going to confuse it with? What's it going to get confused with? Ireland. No, but they might know it's like so many islands in the world. You know, every England's, Britain's an island, and Australia's an island, and oh, so many islands.

No. No, stop it. Stop it.

Stop it. Stop it. You know what you're doing? Stop it now.

Don't make me come over there. No, no, no, no, no. Ireland.

Ireland is famed. Everyone knows where Ireland is and what Ireland is. Everyone knows about Ireland.

There's more Irish people that live outside of Ireland than live in Ireland. More people live in America, more Irish people live in America than live in Ireland. But Ireland is probably, there are probably millions of Irish people and relatives living in England.

You know, Irish people helped build this country back up after the war, as did English people, as did other people. But they were part of those people that came and helped to build the roads and all that stuff after the war, after the Second World War. So the whole idea that, I mean, I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. The island of Ireland.

I just, I don't know what that is about. I kind of think maybe it's about Northern Ireland and stuff, but the island of Ireland, it's just like, unless they're talking about the whole, the whole of Ireland. So instead of saying Ireland and Northern Ireland, or the Republic of Ireland and Northern Ireland, then they'll say the island of Ireland.

Yet most people, when they say Ireland, they're just talking about the whole thing. Some people are only talking about the Republic. Some people are talking about, it's just, it's political, I guess.

I don't know. I don't really do politics. I don't do politics, I do tits.

I don't do politics. So I don't know why, I don't know why I smell so funny in the morning. My bowels have been quite good lately.

I had that bout of constipation. Very, very, very unpleasant. Didn't enjoy it.

I mean, I don't think anyone enjoys constipation, do they? I think it's something that, I've read quite a bit of poetry over the years, not one on constipation. Now I do it a lot. Oh, this was such a wonderful experience.

I should put pen to paper. And I should try to rhyme. No, it's just, it's weird.

It's like a part of your body just doesn't work. It's like this isn't working. This is really, it's not working.

This normally works. This has been working for 50 years. This normally works.

And now it's just not working for some reason. And I don't like it one bit. No.

I was not a fan. I'll be honest. And very, very weird.

I never, never ever really been worried about it before. And after that, and I kind of every now and then thinking, Hmm. Hmm.

I think it's time I did another one. And it hasn't come out yet. I hope it's not trapped.

It's almost like my poo was being held hostage. That's what it felt like. But I didn't know what the ransom was.

I didn't know what the ransom was. Was it laxatives? Was it just a stool softener? Was it, you know? Not grape juice, whatever that juice is that you have. A prune juice.

Was that the ransom I had to offer? I don't know. He just wouldn't tell me what is the ransom so you can release little Charlie there. Release him out of your web of lies.

So yeah. So today's been a bit of a lazy day, really. I don't mind.

I'm not that bothered. But I think the thing is, during the day, I can't do as many recordings I can at night, because of the background sound and especially at the weekend. At the weekend, there's, there's more chance of prolonged sound.

During the week. Okay, sometimes building work gets done and there's trimmers doing the hedges, the council doing the lawn, stuff like that. But it doesn't normally last too long.

But when it's a neighbor, it could go on for hours and hours and hours and hours. During the week, it's not usually too bad. But it's still hard to do a deep sleep whisper when I don't know if I'm going to be able to actually finish it because of the background levels of sound.

At these ones, even these to be fair, I don't like to make these if there's, because there's, there's a woman that hangs around here and she likes to yell it off. Very loud. And I can't it's it distracts me.

Not sure how much gets picked up on the recording. But I don't like it. I really, really don't like it.

So I sometimes I started recording, I just had to stop literally just had to tired. But yeah, that's it. Not a lot really going on.

Managed to talk for an hour about now. But hey, I do that every day. So it's not really a big thing, is it? Somebody get too excited about.

Before I do go, though, let me just look at the stats. No, no, I want to see what the stats are for the rest of the stuff. So 8047 downloads today.

Okay. I want to look at my more my other fairly popular podcast, just see what the stats are. So let me board asleep.

My overall. Oh, dear. My overall stats.

Although, to be fair, it has grown. Has it? I've had 539 downloads 539 downloads today. 518 yesterday.

The top downloads I've had is 812. Four days ago. So overall, 295,361.

That's just on this podcast to let me board to sleep. However, because I share the podcast on other podcasts. In reality, I'm probably getting maybe anything up to 2000 downloads a day of these podcasts.

By at least 1000 anyway. So although 295 overall, I'm probably getting maybe getting like 400,000 a year. It's just it doesn't always.

Do you know what I mean? You don't do don't worry about it. Forget forget I mentioned it. You're not interested.

I don't want to bother telling you. No, no, no, forget it. You wind me up you do.

My Jason's bedtime story. Jason's bedtime story time 3465. And I've had four downloads today.

Yeah, I've had hundreds because I shared them on other podcasts. Now this one statistics for Okay, here we go. Hypnosis for sleeping deeply 861,057.

So and today 2273 downloads. Wow. And I've not uploaded anything today.

And that crazy 2273 blimey. So that one's not far off, you know, the million 100,000 or so. But there's one that's closer to the million than that one is this one.

Nope. Statistics 719,381. No, it's not closer at all, is it? See this I get less.

So today I've had 759 on there. So that that podcast isn't as popular as the other one. That's fine.

It's okay. It's all right. Honestly, it's fine.

It's okay. I'm going to be all right. It'll take time.

It's fine. And relaxing sleep hypnosis daily 208,976. I had 267 downloads today.

That's not many, but it's all right. That's it. They're like the main blimey.

Oh, deep sleep whisper. Blimey. I never forget that one.

411,419. Today, 569 downloads. 683 yesterday, 1000 the other day.

Yeah. So that's, that's pretty good. So I'm getting a nice amount there.

It's gone up. It used to be when I don't when I don't make any for a while, it goes down to about two to 300 a day. And then when I make some, that's when it goes up.

Well, the other day, 27th of August, 190. Which is pretty low, isn't it? Wow. 27th.

So look at this. 27th. Yeah, I didn't do any between 24th and 25th, 26th, 27th.

Three days where I didn't make any. And then we did one on the 28th, which is the last one. Which is yesterday.

Okay. Yeah. That's strange.

I don't know. What have I done so far this month? Current month. Still a couple of days left.

190,221 downloads. For this month, August. As I said, I've got two more days plus a couple of more hours left today.

So probably 200 and let's say eight times by 16. 90. 90.

About 205, 206,000 plus downloads. It's all right for a day, isn't it? It's all right for a couple of days, for a month. A month.

Last month, what did I do last month? 151,326. So I actually did a lot better this month. And a month before that, June.

First to the 30th. 212,471. May.

I can't help myself, can I? I just can't stop. I can't stop. 193,699.

April. 177,509. March.

This is this year. March. Nothing.

Should I tell you why? Because that's when they started changing the stats. It's not fair. It's really not fair.

So my total stats for all time is 925,226. According to this, because they've only been. They've only been doing it since.

So the 1st of April. March. Okay.

That's weird. I was trying to do April then. April.

Oh, I don't care. So yeah, it's been about a million since April. So what's that? April, May, June, July, August.

A million per five months. So it's 2,010,000 months. 3,000,000.

3,400,000. Roughly. 2,400,000 for the year.

So I'd like, you know, I want a million a day. So I'm a little bit off that. A little bit.

I've got a little bit further to go. Just a little bit. Not a lot, but just a little bit.

Stop hassling me. Don't you dare laugh at me. How'd it go? Thank you for listening.

Remember to be kind to yourself. Because you deserve to be happy. Do something special for yourself today.

Or tomorrow. Lots of love. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye.