#709 Let me bore you to sleep - NEARLY 51 - Jason Newland (23rd August 2021)

Hello and welcome to jasonnewland.com. My name is Jason Newland, this is Let Me Bore You To Sleep. Please only listen, only listen when you can safely close your eyes, yes. Hope you're well, I'm tired.

When I finish this recording, I will edit it and I will upload it and I will go to bed. That is my plan, that is my plan. Because you're tired, I did have a bit of a nap earlier, but for only a short while, maybe an hour or so, blimey.

So hey, it is Monday the 23rd of August 2021, this is number 709, number 709, how ridiculous, it just seems silly, such a large number, anyway, 709 is not that many, yeah but you wouldn't want that many ice cubes balancing on your head would you, 709 ice cubes balancing on your head, you wouldn't say, well there's only 709, you'd be saying, take them off, take them off, I've got things to do, I can't just stand here all day, balancing ice cubes.

So I just, what have I done today, I have made four, well this is my fourth recording, I did a deep sleep whisper earlier, I think this morning, I did a relax and sleep hypnosis daily this afternoon, then this evening I did a, what was it, Jason's bedtime storytime, number 22, that's a long one, that's over an hour long that one, and I started laughing while I was doing it though, it's very unprofessional, I couldn't help it, it was just, I made a silly noise that just made me laugh, and now I'm doing this, so,

four recordings, so yeah, it's just kind of, other than that I've been, I took my friend's dog for two walks today, cleaned the kitchen a bit, one of my neighbours, I saw him, but I don't know what it was, I must have been just coming back from walking the dog, and he was there, and he had a suitcase, I said, oh you're off on holiday, oh yeah, on holiday, he said, no I've got to do my laundry, my washing machine's broken down, so he was going to the laundrette, so I said, you can use my

washing machine if you want, so he did that, he had two loads to do, so he had to drop his load twice into the washing machine, so that took probably about four hours, or five hours, or whatever, so other than that, that's kind of, yeah, I'm pretty much finished with YouTube, not, I've not finished with YouTube, I've finished sharing my podcasts onto YouTube, I think they're all now up to date, so that's good, I'm pretty pleased with that, but I might be wrong, there might be some that I've missed, so there's a few playlists that

I need to create on my YouTube page, and once I've done that, then I can see if I've missed any stuff out, but pretty much it's done, well, I was surprised, well, I kind of didn't know if it was ever going to be done, because it's taken weeks to do it, literally weeks, to do, to share all of my podcast episodes, although they're not all shared, but there's probably, I don't know, there's probably a few relaxation sessions that need to be uploaded, but I've done most, most of them, in fact, let me have a look,

let me just have a look to see, yeah, why not, let me have a look, come on, let's have a look, so YouTube, I wonder if it will tell me how many videos there are, so, in the last 28 days I've had 270 hours watched on my YouTube channel, 1.

2 thousand, yeah, 1,200 actual views, which is not a lot obviously, 536 subscribers I've got, so they're starting to go up a bit, because they went down, now they're starting to go up, and, ah, it doesn't seem to tell me how many videos I've got, which is weird, it's very strange isn't it, why would it not tell me how many videos I've got, videos, live, nope, videos, videos, videos, videos, how many videos I have, I don't know, I don't know, I'll tell you, maybe this will do it, go to my channel, 536, no, it doesn't

tell me the videos there either, how strange, YouTube, how weird, I thought it would have, I thought it would have, maybe, or maybe here it will, nope, still not, let me see, if I go into the playlists, let me bore you to sleep, so there's 705 on there for that, and I'm missing a couple, I've got 335 deep sleep whisper ones, 118 relax and sleep hypnosis daily, then there's 30 day relaxation plans, just 30 of them, 9 stop smoking recordings, 21 Jason's bedtime story time, relaxation hypnosis for stress anxiety and panic attacks, 227, stress and

pain relief 35, and I've got videos and stuff as well, but those are just the podcasts, so, 7, 8, 9, 1030, 40, 1040, 1158, 1188, 1188, 97, 1197, 1217, 1217, 1417, 5, it's about 1450, no, more than that, getting on to the 1500, and then there's also, on the video, there's 104, let me bore you to sleep, no, it's 30, that's the views of the playlist, 30 let me bore you to sleep live videos, wow, 30, no, really, that can't be true, wow, it is absolutely true, blimey, I don't know, they can't all be, no,

there's not 30, because there's a few other ones on there, there's a lot more live broadcasts that I did, it's all Facebook, all Facebook live broadcasts I've shared on YouTube, YouTube, YouTube, YouTube, deleted, yep, so there you go, yeah, I'm fairly pleased with today's progress, there's always just so much to do, so how are you all doing, I mean, you realise I've got 3 days, I'm 51 years old, 51, 55, 1, on Thursday, 26, no, 2 days, yeah, it's just, yeah, it's only 2 days, isn't it, Tuesday, Wednesday left, and then Thursday, I'm 51, 51

years old, blimey, it's ridiculous, I don't know, it just seems ridiculous, almost just seems surreal to be 51, I can't be 51, it's just, just, 30 years ago, 30 years ago, at this time, maybe, well, not at this time of night, but I was probably going to comedy clubs in the evening, working during the day, going to comedy clubs in the evening, and doing gigs, or just going to watch the show, possibly not on a Tuesday, but definitely on a Wednesday, Wednesday was my regular new act night, this is 1991 when I first started doing

comedy, started in January 1991, so 30 years later, wow, I wonder what it would have been like back then, if there'd been internet, back then, in 1991, if there'd been the internet like there is now, and social media, and Facebook, and Twitter, and YouTube, and all that sexy stuff, I wonder if I would have been able to gain some kind of a following for what I was doing on stage, would I have even attempted to do so, it's not, I know there's no way of knowing, there isn't is there, obviously there's no way of really

knowing, but I just wonder, like, what, how things could have been different, how much, I guess, easier in some ways things are now with the internet, being able to find information very quickly, being able to promote yourself, because if it wasn't for the internet, I couldn't do this, there wouldn't be an audience for this, because it's been, I guess there's always been an audience for this kind of stuff, but it's, you know, without the internet, I would have had to be selling CDs, or DVDs, whatever, I'd have to be selling that to people, and how,

how would, you know what I mean, like, I used to, I think there's two ways of doing it in the past, there was the way, three ways of selling a, like an audio recording, let's say hypnosis, for example, three ways, one is to be a successful hypnotist, another is to, you know, just, I guess, maybe a stage hypnotist, or someone that's been on telly, or something like that, like four ways, actually, I guess you could be a stage hypnotist, where you, five, four, fifth way as well, so you could be a stage hypnotist, travels around

to different towns, does a stage hypnosis, and then sells CDs, you know, let's say relaxation CDs, at the back of the room, at the end of the gig, you could be a private hypnotist, private therapist, who sells CDs to clients who want to be able to listen to you in their own home, I guess that's another way of doing it, the third way would be if you were successful on TV, hypnotist, then you could probably sell CDs in the shops, like music shops, and stuff like that, the fourth way, I suppose, would be to be

an author, so to be a, maybe do a, you know, like Paul McKenna does with his books, and then he, quite often he has a CD connected to the book, but he also sells CDs separate, so by being a successful author, helping people to lose weight, or to stop smoking, you could then sell a CD, or have CDs for sale, and the third, I think the fifth way would be a very old-fashioned way, before the internet came along, and that's put weird adverts, oh my chair is clicking, to put weird, I don't know, strange adverts

in magazines, and in the same kind of category as, you know, x-ray glasses, that people, they used to try and sell in magazines, and, you know, things like that, hypnosis CD, or tape set, you know, get yourself thin in two minutes, or two years, or whatever, so that was another way, where I think a lot of hypnotists, would ply their trade, and sell stuff, and it must have worked, because those adverts were always there, whether it was for, you know, get bigger muscles, or become a private investigator, or whatever, yeah, like, make money investing, or,

you know, like, hypnotise anybody, anywhere, without them even knowing, I've seen adverts like that in the past, in fact, there's even adverts like that now, there's books with those kind of titles, hypnotise anyone, anytime, anytime at all, in less than two and a half seconds, now that's rapid, okay, I think I missed out a little bit, on, I've fallen asleep a little bit, so I might not make complete sense, because I can't remember what I was talking about, and that happens when I'm tired, when I'm like really tired, really, really tired, when all I really

want to do is just go buh-byes, go to sleep, just lay down on the bed, and just close my eyes, and, you know, just allow my mind to wander, and, ooh, it feels magical, mmm, magical, that's kind of how I'm feeling now, but that's okay, because I'm going to keep myself awake, oops, ooh, now I'm awake, I've got itchy chin, oh, the mouse is back, by the way, the mouse is back, now, I know it's not the same mouse, but it looks very similar, and it's, I caught the last one, and I let it go

outside, so I let it go, this one, it's coming from the boiler, so basically the gap in the boiler, where the pipes are, it gets up through there, it must do, because that's where it keeps running from, so, I thought the other night, about three nights ago, I went to the kitchen, and I saw something, I thought, no, and then a moth appeared from exactly the same spot, so I thought, wow, okay, thank God, oh, good, it was just a moth, and then the next day I went in there, and there was a mouse running

back, exactly the same kind of mouse as the other one, now, this isn't like a thing just that I'm dealing with, this whole block of flats seems to have mices, and it's annoying, I've been relatively lucky, because I haven't had lots of them running around, as some of the other flats have, and that's more, I think, downstairs, because they can get in easier downstairs into the flats from outside, it's a really old building, and the cavity is all empty, the loft is full of wildlife up there, and, you know, this sends me to shiver up

my spine, I don't like them, I really don't, but I don't want to hurt them either, so, I've put a trap down, and it didn't sort of do anything, and last night I saw it again, and I wasn't sure where it was hiding, because I had loads of stuff, well, I had stuff on the kitchen counters, so I thought, OK, where is it hiding, because it hid in a certain place before, and then I could see, I wasn't sure, but it was hiding, well, it was hiding behind the net curtains in the kitchen, just there,

just standing there, now I couldn't really see through the net curtains very well, but I could see like this grey lump, I thought, it's not that, is it, so I moved the washing up bottle, and then suddenly it ran, it went to one side, and it screeched really loudly, and then ran back into the boiler area, and unless it managed to get inside the boiler, because there is a gap, it went down the holes, which, so I removed the wooden bit which used to cover the boiler area underneath it, so I got rid of that,

and I duct taped and filled every single hole that I could, every tiny little gap, I put duct tape in, to try and sort of seal it all up, and also put extra duct tape around the down, the cupboards that are lower down, because I can't use any of those cupboards, because there's just big holes in the back of them, or anything just getting from outside basically, or not anything big, but you know, like mice and stuff, so I just sealed all that off, and then today I cleared, because I just had like a kettle,

there was the toaster, there was a Breville sandwich maker, and another thing that I had there on that bit of the kitchen, so I removed it all, I moved it all onto the cooker, and was scrubbed down the counter, to make it nice and clean, and left it completely clear, so that I can see if anything's been on there, because they do leave, they like to leave a little trowel, so today, I've not noticed anything, because two days ago, I was actually sitting in there and I could hear banging, like what the hell was that,

I thought it was like windy, because there's gaps in some of the windows, I thought that was just the wind blowing the curtains or something, and it wasn't, it was clearly a mouse trying to get in, through the, probably through the cupboard actually, under the sink, but that's empty, but it's sealed off, so that nothing can get in or out, it's very sad isn't it, actually, I do think it's very sad to have stuff like that, my friend wants any mice I catch in the, because I've got these humane mouse traps, he wants to give

them to his snake, and I refuse, I say no, I catch them, what's the point in catching a mouse humanely, it's about being humane isn't it, and then feeding it live to something, no, no way in the world would I ever do that, no way in the world, it's not, no, you can buy frozen mice that are literally, still gross I suppose, but it's, you know, they're, I don't even want to think about it actually, but yeah, if I catch a mouse, it's going in the fields, I let it go and it will run off,

and if it survives, it survives, if it doesn't, it doesn't, I'm not responsible for that, at least I haven't hurt it, that's my main aim, just like, get it out of my home, because, you know, mice don't, it's, I don't want to, I just don't want to live somewhere where there's mice running around, I just, I think it's just grim, seriously grim, I don't know if I ever mentioned this, one of the other neighbours, when we first had the mice arrive, which was about four years ago, which is crazy to think about it, yeah, probably

is about four years, and maybe three years, maybe four years, maybe, and the first mouse arrived, just like, freaked me out, I chucked out so much stuff, because it just, anything that it touched, I chucked out, I kind of, mildly overreacted, no, I'm not doing that this time, but, you know, it just, it freaked me out, it did, and I found, I closed the door in the living room, and it was scratching at the front door, at the door from inside, and it made a mess of the carpet, because I actually scraped a lot of

the wood chippings, whatever, off the door, they're very cheap doors, and my friend, he said, that's got to be a rat, to make that much mess, and, but I filmed it, I actually left my, I think it was, my webcam, at the time, and I filmed it, and what was really surprising, what really surprised me was that, you know, they move at, almost, faster than the human eye can even really keep up with, you know, when there's no humans around, they dawdle, they move around really slowly, there's no hurry, there's no, nothing of importance to

do, they just skip along, with a little umbrella, eating a cheese sandwich, there's no, it's like, everything's just really lovely and peaceful for them, yeah, as soon as I opened the door, because it's on camera, it just, it moves so quickly, it almost disappears, but I never caught it, but I did find, like a dead, a dead mouse in the, in the storage room, like a few months later, and then when I chucked out the old set, the old chair, I found a little, little mouse on the floor, so again, I don't know if that

was connected, or whether I squat, you know, I don't know, but that was in the living room, which I wasn't pleased about, unless that was the original one that was in there, and it never actually, you know, I really, honestly, I don't know, but, you know, so that, that's that, so there's two, two dead ones I found, and then I found the one, then there was one in the kitchen that I caught, a few months back, and now there's this one, another one, so this is the fourth one, yeah, fourth one, since I've lived there,

fourth one in four years, and at least one, two, three other flats in my block I've gotten, I say at least, because the other two I don't know, but we said, me and my friend, so it's not like that our flats are, like, attracting them, if they're everywhere, they're kind of just, it's the block, and other, other places have caught them as well, or I have had them, anyway, anyway, me and my friend said to one of the other neighbours, just let you know we've got mice in the flats and stuff, they've got them there

and upstairs and everything, I just see if one of you have got any, you know what she said, she said, I don't have mice, I have a clean flat, isn't that got to be one of the dumbest things to say to two people who just told you they've got mice in their flats, in their home, I don't have them because I have a clean home, might be not dumb, just really rude, isn't this, how rude is that?

So, yeah, I've got, I just, I just don't want to see them anymore, don't want to see them anymore, and they are cute, you know, just can't deny that, they are cute, but still, the way it screeched at me, like, get off, get off, get out of my home then, this is, and I always have the kitchen door closed now, and because they're fire doors, they are really solid, not so solid, but they're tight, so there's no room for anything to get underneath, you know, there's literally like no space, so that's one good thing about

the doors, they're here, so nothing can get out of the kitchen, apart from going back the way it came, so, yeah, I don't know, every time I go into the storage room, there's never anything in there though, there's stuff in there, there's never, never seen any, any real evidence of any, any mice or anything in there, so, I guess there's nothing to go in there for, there's no food, there's nothing, it's just a room full of stuff, but nothing edible, so what I'm doing is I'm going through the process of really get the place spotless,

so there's not even a sign of food in the kitchen, nothing for them to come here for, there's no point in coming here if there's no food, they're not going to gain anything from being here, they're not going to gain anything from trying to gnaw their way through four or five layers of duct tape, so, especially as that side of the duct tape is sticky, it's quite difficult to bite through, I imagine, I might be wrong, I hope not, I really hope not, I tell you what, if I tried to do one of my, I

can't remember what, what did I call them, you know, the really boring ones, is it a boring object, if I attempted to do that now, I would fall asleep within about three minutes, it would be impossible, and I mean impossible, it just would not be, I wouldn't be able to do it, I would completely not be able to do it, because as it is, my brain is starting to really just slow down and I could so easily just go to sleep, all I want to do is lay down and close my eyes and just relax

deeply, it's so nice, in fact, what I might do is, because I'm so tired, when I finish this recording, I'm just going to save it, and then tomorrow when I get up, I will edit and upload it, because I'm just too tired, which means I really need to be making these recordings or this recording earlier in the day rather than last thing at night, night, night, night, night, night, night, night, night, night, that would make sense, wouldn't it, I guess So I'm just going to have a little drink here 51 seriously I just for some

reason and it doesn't even make sense to me but for some reason 51 sounds worse than 50 you could say well yeah it is it's a year older but it's just a year but there's something about 50 and 51 like in my mind already I'm like 60 now I'm heading towards 60.

60!

Blimey I can't get my head around it I really can't I don't know why because being 40 never really bothered me I could not care really I didn't like it I didn't but then I didn't like turning 30 but 50 is just almost it's just wrong it just it feels wrong to me it just doesn't feel real in a way doesn't feel real to be this age and I don't know it's just strange 51 on Thursday 50 come on all together 51 I know there's people listening to this probably thinking you're just a young'un you

know people a lot older than me listening I'm sure there's people a lot younger than me listening and it's probably loads of people the same age listen and you're probably all agreeing with me 51 what happened where did all the years go where's me youth gone 51 there are advantages I think getting older I mean you know looks to the way I look now compared to how I looked when I was 20 or 30 yeah I mean it's time has not been kind I just yeah I mean you're supposed to look older at 50 than

you are when you're 40 it's just logical isn't it we age we're supposed to look older as we get older it's just the most natural thing in the world however don't mean I gotta like it don't mean I gotta accept it don't mean I gotta tolerate it don't mean you gotta talk about it either do it okay okay I'm just saying I'm just saying so 51 it's still just it doesn't ring it doesn't doesn't like just fall off my tongue naturally and fluently and you know all smoothly it just doesn't you know it really doesn't

hummah hummah so tired oh so tired so tired this might be one of those shorter episodes today I'll release it tomorrow I'm so tired so tired I think that was lovely I think it's I do deserve a round of applause I do believe yes okay stop now that was it sounded like I just created a new language which is pretty creative of me I'm sure you'd agree pretty amazing pretty maybe yeah yeah pretty damn amazing boy did good man boy did good yo yo what are you talking about yo yo oh I'm saying I did

quite well you know after all the adversity I did all right everything worked out it uh you know okay in the end so you know most of my recordings are an hour this one's going to be a bit shorter so it's 45 minutes so it's not far off an hour but I'm just so tired so tired so I'm gonna go and be tired in my bed in my bed I tell you oh yes be tired in my bed in my bed oh yes anyway I'm gonna go I'm gonna go it seems like I've only done

45 minutes this is a really short recording but actually 45 minutes is still quite long really and I've talked about nothing nothing really anyway that's me for this recording I'm gonna go beddy-byes I need to go sleep so take care remember to be kind to yourself because you deserve to be happy lots of love bye