#683 Let me bore you to sleep - PATREON IDEAS - Jason Newland (5th July 2021)

Hello, welcome to jasonnewland.com. My name is Jason Newland and this is Let Me Bore You Sleep. Please only listen when you can safely close your eyes. Hope you're well.

Hope you're doing groovy. I haven't made one of these since the 1st. It's the 5th of July now, 2021.

So the first recording I've done was today. I did a deep sleep whisper one. It's very long.

It's nearly an hour long without music. Or maybe it was over an hour long. I don't know.

But it was a long, yeah it was over an hour. Let me have a look. Let me see.

I like to fact check as I go along you know. Number 388 it was. I remember that.

1 hour and 14 minutes long. Now I'd say they average normally about half hour, 20 to 30 minutes. So this was an extra, extra boring, extra long one.

For those that are greedy, a nice long one for you. So that was the first recording I've done since the 1st, whatever day that was. Was it Friday? Was it Monday the 5th? 4th? 3rd? 2nd? 3rd? No it's Thursday.

Thursday the 1st. Is that right? Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday. Yeah.

I didn't really feel too great. Not physically fine. I just didn't.

My motivation was non-existent for a few days for some reason. Just didn't want to do anything. Although I did do some stuff.

I was working on some stuff. But then I got bored with that and I stopped. So I literally did nothing Friday, Saturday or Sunday.

And I've seen my statistics go down, down, down. And I make a big deal to myself. Like oh my god it's like 3000 downloads a day.

That's terrible. But it's still a million a year isn't it? You know it's still, it's not that bad really. But it's, yeah it's not acceptable.

I do wonder sometimes what would happen if I just stopped doing this for a month. Would the statistics go down to nothing? Because when I do, when I, you know, if I have a day or a few days off it goes right down to as I said like 3000 ish. Which is a big drop from whatever I normally get you know.

It varies but usually an average day is now getting to 10,000. 9, 10. Sometimes less than 9. A really good day would be like 12,000 downloads.

But I wonder it's like it's all dependent on me making new recordings. Even though there's over 1500 recordings made. And they don't seem to count for much.

It's like going back into the sales world. You know you're only as good as your last sale. Or sports, you're only as good as your last game.

You're only as good as your last win. What about all the other stuff? What about all the other recordings? Did no one want to listen to the old stuff? Do no one want to listen? That wasn't a proper sentence was it? Is the old stuff not? No. They're my babies.

No one loves my babies anymore. I don't know maybe this. I'm not sure.

Maybe you can let me know. I don't know what the answer to that is. I understand that you know with podcasts and also YouTube videos.

It's about making content continuously. Have to make new content and be consistent. So I learned that a while back, a few years back.

So I know how important that is especially online. And maybe, maybe I don't know. Maybe it is a fickle audience.

Not everyone I know. But maybe there are some people that will only listen if you do one every day. Nope stop doing them.

I don't like him anymore. He's had a week off. He hasn't done anything for a whole hour.

I don't think that's the case. I don't know. I'm really not sure.

I personally think I've got the best audience there is. And I am just saying that. I really do believe that my audience, the people that listen to my recordings are brilliant.

I think you're fantastic. I really do. You know I think that um yeah I'm very lucky to have an audience such.

Oh I don't know I'm laughing. I mean I do mean it. But it sounds so.

It sounds a bit um too flattery doesn't it. Like false. I love you.

I do. I've got, I've got a great audience. I mean you might think why? How do you know? You know I've got people listening to me that have been listening to me for over a decade.

Seriously. I've got people still listening, still watching old videos from YouTube that were watching that same video back in 2011 or 2000. Some people have been listening to me since 2008.

Seriously. I'm not saying there's loads of people been listening to me for over a decade. But there's a lot of people have been listening to me for years and years and years.

So you know I know there's always new people coming along and new audience, new new listeners and without new listeners then I guess things would become. I don't know. I guess it would eventually die out wouldn't it because um you need new new energy and new listeners to be coming along.

Otherwise I guess I'd get to a point where that would be it. That would be okay. You're now 9 000 downloads a day.

That's it. You're never going to get any more than that. And but that doesn't seem to be the case.

It seems to what's gone down in it. You're never going to get more than 3 000 now. I wonder if I'd continue.

That's a weird question. If for some reason the statistics went down to 3 000 that was it and I no longer went above 3 000. Would I bother continuing if it stayed like that for a couple of months? It would be disheartening.

It would be after working so hard to get to the higher level. You know I've spent two years trying to get to 10 000 a day. Each year thinking at the end of this year I'm going to be at 10 000.

The last two years in a row 2019 2020 and then this year I hit the mark. Not every day but I hit the mark. I hit over the 10 000 and on a good month if I do recordings regularly I'll get over 10 000 on maybe a third of the days.

A third of the month I'll get over 10 000. Or a quarter of the month. I'm not sure maybe a quarter of the month but you know the bee is growing the amount of days that it's getting more and more until I stopped.

That's weird though because last week when I was on holiday or the week before yeah it was going down to three thousand. Yeah it started going down to about four thousand but then I did make a couple during the week more of a and that was I think letting you letting the audience know what was what I was doing. Knowing that I was you know in Cornwall on holiday with no or limited to no internet.

I mean there's practically no internet most of the time. A couple of times I managed to get some internet and I uploaded stuff because I don't need internet to record this stuff. So I made a couple of podcasts and I made about three videos I posted on Facebook.

So that gave everyone that watches these or that's on my Facebook page just let you know what's going on and the fact that I would have made more podcasts had I been able to upload them. And also I had a bit of a problem with this. I could have waited till night time to be fair.

I could have gone outside and made recordings because there was not much going on although it was raining quite a lot. But the TV was on and there was there was it wasn't the quietest. It was quite a small villa I think.

Villa is the right word. So it wasn't quiet enough really for me to make hypnosis sessions. It's quite enough to make a boring one.

One of these because although not everyone's gonna agree with this but I tend to think it's fairly okay to have a bit of a little bit of background sound sometimes. Not loud noises and not a lot of background sound and there shouldn't be hardly any using this mic. It should really generally only pick up my voice and it might pick up the odd little sound in the background but it's not loud.

However if someone was in the garden right now having a conversation with someone two inches away from them and they'd be talking you'd think they were like a mile apart how loud they are but you know a sense of spatial awareness and volume control is an issue I think with some of the people that live around here. So that could be a bit distracting possibly more probably for me to be fair. I remember I listened to these old recordings from the 60s from Sangha Ratchada who is a Buddhist, the leader of a Buddhist organization.

He's dead now but he built this organization up in the UK. It became kind of worldwide but he had these recordings and they're really good. They're lectures really on Buddhism and stuff and they were in this basement in London and on one of them you could always hear the traffic you know because the recording wasn't that great but you could hear him but you could also hear all the other stuff and there's one recording where there's literally two people that must have been outside the building.

I imagine waiting at a bus stop or something having this big long conversation for about half an hour and it's very distracting. It was really distracting you know he was talking about the noble truths and talking about this and that and you know they were talking about I don't know what they were talking about, football probably. All right old governor did you watch the football on the telly last night? No I didn't, telly hasn't been invented yet.

It was something like that and just like oh okay and just it was distracting so that kind of stuff I'm not I don't really like to have on my recordings if at all possible although when I was on holiday there was a fair bit of background conversation going on even though I was out the front people in the house were bickering and just just doing what they did all week long just annoying trying to was one person just trying to annoy everyone I think but hey and and I worked out the other day I don't

know how because I've got statistics because I use Spreaker and I'm going to be partnering them with well I'm going to be doing an affiliate program with them soon where if those of you listening if you're looking to start a podcast you have a I'll have an affiliate link where you can get a discount because I use Spreaker for a reason now I moan sometimes I've got to pay for it but you know it's I'm I'm not the average podcaster I don't mean that in a like a aren't I wonderful it's just I do produce

a lot more podcasts than most people would probably ever do I'm very active I'm very you know do a lot of stuff and I've got a lot of podcasts the average podcaster probably would have one podcast and maybe they do a recording once a week or maybe twice weekly which means they wouldn't need what I need out of a podcast provider and Spreaker do provide me everything that I need and it's you can also record live sessions as well so you which I'm looking to I was going to talk about that I'm thinking thinking about

doing a breakfast show like a live breakfast morning breakfast well breakfast show Jason Newland's breakfast show live six to nine every morning I just thought about getting up early and I yeah maybe I won't now I've gone off the idea but it's an idea I'm thinking about doing that separate to this completely on its own podcast radio live thing but I'll be a bit concerned that if people listen to that they might not listen to my other stuff I'll tell you what it is okay let me be honest I don't like to be honest I

like lying I think I'm thinking that that I'd quite like to be a DJ like a radio DJ that gets paid that actually like a proper not necessarily music because I am I do have the ability to talk and to you know to chat ch-ch-chat and when the words come out properly I can I don't know if I could do it for three hours though I could do it for three hours if I had someone with me probably maybe not doing a recording but someone in the room that I could talk to and you know

just get a little back and forth going and maybe I don't know but I thought maybe if I did something like that and it became I don't know popular even I don't know or at least listened to perhaps I could use that as a as a kind of like a CV and then present that to some radio stations and see if I could get a job as a disc jockey or a radio DJ which is disc jockey isn't it um but I'm not sure if I'd I don't know I don't know I mean it's part

of me there's this part of me sticks sticks up quite a points pokes out um it oh I'm too old it does this I'm voicing my oh you're too old you're 50 you'll be 51 in next month 51 next month 51 so you're 50 years old you're too old to start doing a different career start to be who's gonna want to listen to an old man well according to my statistics I've got 60,000 listeners regular listeners 60,000 I don't know how accurate that is but that's what I kind of I added them up so like

on a regular basis about 60 a pool of about 60,000 people listen to me listen to me so I guess if I've created that on my own out of nothing then if I joined a radio station that already has an audience I might be an asset to them I might I don't know I might be able to do it it might be possible if people like listening to boring a boring voice that might do it you know it might do it I mean for me it's more about doing it for fun it'd be or not

if I got paid for it I mean that'd be great because I think DJs get paid radio DJs get paid quite a good money and so but it's not just that really I mean it's um I think it's more for the fun it'd be a laugh but the only way to really know if I have the the gremlins for it is if I do my own show like a regular radio live radio show that lasts for three hours three hours is generally the kind of the slot that you get on these radio radio programs so

I'm thinking if I could do that and have an audience like a regular audience and I'm thinking maybe have phone-ins have people phone in just to say hello you know how you doing oh yeah I'm fine thanks good go away now and just you know play with it have a little play and then maybe maybe do a weekly because I didn't I try I started doing that Spotify radio show with music and I was putting a lot of effort I did two episodes I put a lot of effort into those more effort than not than

it deserved but just considering it wasn't going to go anywhere really it just didn't have any I mean I had an audience I had a few people watch or listen rather but I don't want to do something to the exclusion of this I don't want to I don't want to start something new and then stop doing this the other things that are important like this like the deep sleep whisper the relax and sleep daily I can't remember what other ones I do but you know those are the ones that I need to keep my focus

on as well so this would be something extra something new but extra and this could be fun could be fun could be fun and maybe what I could do is there's an app where you can I think you can read the newspapers and stuff so maybe I'll pay for that app I can go through the newspapers while I do the radio show as well the only thing is there's no breaks so to go three hours without a break is it's a long time you know if I need to go to the toilet or you know

make myself a cup of tea or coffee or something I can't do that you can't just leave although thinking about it I was gonna say you can't leave dead air I could maybe play some music that isn't copyrighted so non-copyrighted music maybe some relaxing music or something like that ah that's not a bad idea so I could get that set up and play that while I'm you know doing something maybe having a little snooze I'll play you know maybe play a few songs in a row that lasts for an hour have a little snooze and

then come back now what would be good if I could do it is to add I can do this after the event if I could put in adverts while I'm live I could just hear that no no no no no yeah yeah yeah yeah if I could put in adverts it's a radio it's a breakfast radio show there's gotta be adverts that's what funds it that's what finances it man I mean there'll be adverts after the event so if people listen back they'll have adverts but I don't know I don't know um I don't think

there's the ability to add adverts whilst actually recording live or streaming live there might be don't worry it's not gonna be adverts like every minute and a half I'm not not that sad but you know maybe put adverts in every half an hour or something just to in fact that would give me a break if I could have like a couple of minutes worth of adverts I could then go to the toilet what's the other thing I was going to talk to you about I've been building a Patreon page I'm a little bit worried about

even launching it really well it is kind of launched but it's hidden I'm not telling you what it is but I'm just going to wait to see if I actually still have an audience because I know it's short-termism the way I'm thinking oh my god it's gone down to 3,000 after four days of not doing anything maybe is I've lost my audience oh no what am I going to do nice my cup of tea seven eight nine ten eleven twelve one there's still over six hours left of the day so I don't think I need

to I mean I haven't really I've not even reached 3,000 yet today although I did I've not gone down yeah 3,100 yesterday day before 3,100 day before that 4,000 day before that 6,700 day before that 11,000 so it I mean obviously I'm going to go by 3,000 but it's just not quick enough just I'd normally on a normal day when I'm making recordings regularly I'd be at 5,000 by one o'clock in the afternoon you know so it's just slow and and it concerns me a little bit worries me slightly but yeah I think about doing

well I have built a Patreon page and the plan is for no idea how much Patreon how much Patreon all right if I click on oh okay edit page I don't know oh wait a minute if I I don't know how much it is they should show me how much it is surely Patreon my membership of five dollars a month for five dollars a month you get you get to support me which is groovy of course but you you get all of the latest recordings on there that only you can access where you can stream

without adverts this is pretty good isn't it right hey hey so it's open now for open not so much what I would like but what you may like to have that you're not getting at the moment probably someone else's voice I imagine but I don't know it be what could be good what kind of things would be would you could I give you monthly or extra I thought about maybe doing Jason Chats vlogs that are only available on there only available on the what Patreon so you can you know watch them for the ten dollars

a month because they're quite personal quite private quite um I mean these are as well it's probably not that much difference but it's a video so it'd be a video and I would do it on a video platform and then keep it private and only have it available if you you know sign up for the ten dollars a month Patreon and I was thinking maybe on the ten dollar one I could have a weekend special extra long or Saturday extra long let me boil to sleep maybe like two hours long instead of the usual hour

it's like an extra you know Saturday let me boil to sleep two hours long but only available for Patreon yeah I could hear the the I can hear the applause and excitement from here yeah two hours long yeah whoopie boopie doopie doo yeah I'm gonna pay for that aren't I why would I pay when it's free so but again no adverts um I don't know what other things could I do I could have some recordings which will only be available to purchase which you get for free which you can listen to maybe have that as

the twenty dollar a month and I'll make one recording a week which is completely in fact yeah one recording a week which isn't available anywhere else not to buy anything so one recording every week which is completely um like a relaxation sleepy one you know something like that but it's completely on its own and no one else gets a chance to listen to it apart from people that are on Patreon and then I'm thinking maybe fifty dollars nudie pictures you could send me nudie pictures um I think people would pay me a hundred dollars for

me not to post nudie pictures of myself that's what I could do say okay a hundred dollars a month to make sure that I don't ever post any pictures of myself I could actually have an only fans page where people pay for me not to post naked pictures of myself I could make a millions I could have like a higher rate you know this is just for people that um um because this is you know I'm trying to figure ways of earning a living and this is my job now really it will be hopefully next

year this will be my this would be how I earn my living so I need to find ways of financing it and because there's there's a few costs that come with doing this now like most of the stuff recently has been debts I've got into with equipment I purchased now I bought I paid one of the I paid one of my big purchases off at the end of last month I'll pay the camera off at the end of this month I will pay yeah by the end of the year I would have paid a lot

of the stuff off probably it might take another couple of months next year January February to completely be clear but then I still got the ongoing expenses of the podcast the website the internet broadband data and stuff that I mobile data that I use you know I looked at it to see how much data I'd used on my mobile and I'm only halfway through the month there's still another two weeks to go before it resets and I've used 1.

2 terabytes of data just uploading and whatever else I've been using it for 1. 2 terabytes and that's just on my phone that's just on one that's not the iPad the iPad's probably I'd say a little bit less because I do more uploading on the phone but I still use the iPad more like for the internet more for downloading and well only for download I don't download anything on the phone but I also upload a lot of stuff on the iPad as well to the podcasts so it's like one terabyte over 1.

4 terabytes it's unlimited data that's a wow that's a lot and sometimes they slow it down I know they do because I'm constantly checking the speed of the data on my on my phone I'm gonna check it now speed is a app called speed check so I'm gonna start it's coming up yeah so it's not fast at all it's coming up at I'm just waiting the upload speed generally stays around the same so it's usually 20 plus megabytes a second which I'm okay with to be fair but it would be nice if it was the same as the download because I don't really download anything according to this I've got 49.

17 megabytes a second 24.

29 megabytes per second upload so 49 download 24 upload sometimes well you know when this is it is fastest it's normally 70 plus but I'm pretty sure they they slow it down based on the fact that I use it too much probably but you know I try I you know I've got three internets I've got the broadband which is supposedly 39 megabytes a second I don't think it is I think they're lying to me I've got the laptop which is unlimited and the phone which is unlimited so I pay for all of those each of

those costs 30 pound pretty much for each of them so it's 90 pound a month I'm paying for internet I'm going to look at ways of speeding up the internet because there are ways you can do it I've been looking online watching a few youtube videos and there are ways of I don't think hacking the system is the right word but I just can't believe that in some places you can get like 200 megabytes a second and there are ways of doing it where you can get gigabytes a second but I was watching this video

someone that had that and he knew what he was doing and he had the know-how to do it the technical skill and the knowledge to you know put stuff together and set up the equipment and what it was discovered is like it doesn't in a way it's almost useless having that kind of speed unless you obviously if you've what obviously if you've you could share it out amongst lots of people which would save a lot of money for those people if they were able to use it so if I could get the internet really fast

and share it I could share with the other five flats in this building and they wouldn't need their internet because they would get more now it's possible it's easier to do put the leads and just have the leads flow into the different flats however because basically it's just there's no different from living in a house with lots of rooms is it really so oh yeah so it's like okay if you've got really really really super fast broadband or internet it doesn't really there's a certain point where it doesn't make any difference how fast it is

because for things like uploading videos to youtube it only it will only go at a certain speed it's fixed they've got their fastest speed that they would do it at so it makes no difference how fast your internet is it will only upload a certain it will go a lot slower if you've got slow internet so obviously the faster you got the better so instead of taking an hour or two it might only take four minutes which is brilliant but there's a point where it won't go faster than that so it'll never be like 10

seconds and the video is uploaded you know a 20 gigabyte video so and i don't i don't really have any i don't have an issue with that really i mean i am one of the ones that waits for hours for video to upload to youtube which is something that puts me off it a little bit it's i just find it a bit annoying and to be able to upload something in just like a couple of minutes or five minutes like a really a big video a large video like 20 gigabytes or something in hd then

that will be brilliant that really would that would be like wow because then i think when you put the effort in to make a video or to make an audio and you don't want to stuff the editing and everything and then you go to upload and it's just a slog sometimes it takes so long but if you take away that time then almost i feel like well i can put more time into the editing or into the making the video or other stuff and you know five minutes there's nothing it's you know it's really easy

i can just go to the toilet in that time not today though because i was constipated anyway so uh very embarrassed it was awful i was sitting on a toilet for an hour it got stuck honestly it got stuck wouldn't come out and um i thought it breached or something i just wouldn't come out so you might want to close your ears for this next bit but i thought i need to dislodge it somehow i need to find a way to to get it out so i thought ah toothbrush and i'm not being dummy stay

i'm not being dirty i mean not the brush area the other area the other side so i was trying to dislodge it i'm not going to go into details but you know it wasn't it wasn't um it's not something that i'm going to be writing a poem about you know it wasn't romantic and so it didn't seem to work the worst thing about it is i was visiting someone so i wasn't even at home so i was in my friends how do you explain like where have you been for an hour that was a question

i had i just said i'm just pot pot into the toilet and then like i come out of there after three flushes and like where have we we've been doing for an hour what you've been doing for what we've been in an hour what you've been doing for an hour what's happened to my toothbrush you know it's uh i might have to get myself some prune juice apparently prune juice is really good for that stuff not cleaning toothbrushes um i just i don't know it's happened a couple of times i'll put i've got to put

it down to diet really it's got to be diet so i need to have a little evaluation oh here's some news i've stopped drinking coke and the reason behind it two reasons really well a few reasons actually firstly i don't think it's doing me any good really yeah i don't i don't um i don't feel i don't always feel particularly well when i'm drinking it or after i've drunk it and sometimes i have a thirst on me and i'll drink it like i'm drinking water well actually water would be better i enjoy water better if

i'm thirsty i've always been a water drinker that's probably the only healthy the consistently healthy thing i've done in my life is drink water right from you know for 30 odd years always been drinking water bottled water and i think uh the the coke upsets my stomach a little bit makes me feel hungry you know when i'm just uh it's not good is it it's not good for you but i'm not going to knock it because i love coke in fact by talking about it i want to go and get some i might actually fickle

fickle fickle fickle fickle fickle i i what did i do i also am thinking about my weight and i think or fat content i think it because i've done it before i stopped drinking coke for a few weeks and i did uh my slim down my waist slimmed down so i'm thinking maybe it's time to just have a little break from it slim down a bit and i'm not craving it either which is weird but i've been drinking tea cups of tea i don't normally drink tea but i've got loads of tea but god this

is boring this is really boring i've got loads of tea bags plenty of tea bags for me to drink tea probably for the rest of the week probably longer oh tea so yeah i'm drinking tea i had a cup of coffee this morning and i think i've had two cups of tea today and i'll probably have another couple maybe before i go to bed but i'm also drinking water as well but i don't have a huge craving there's also the additional side of things is i don't like going to the petrol station because they're so

rude in there i come out of there sometimes just feeling just feel rubbish because of how rude they are just so you know if you see someone regularly you expect almost like all right okay they're not like that it's the more regular going there more rude they are it's one of the very they seem it's a chore to actually do anything i don't like working not all of them but some of them really don't seem to it's a chore it's a it's like a it's a job mate it's a just just do the job and

it's not that complicated i imagine working in a petrol station it's not you know it is i imagine it's hard work at times when it's busy especially early in the morning you know when everyone's going to work and when people are coming back from work and you know if the if the tool stops working or you know things like that that causes problems but generally it's just taking money and stocking up the shelves it's not you know i worked i've worked in retail and it can be difficult it can be hard work if the customers

are um rude again so maybe they're rude in response beforehand a preemptive attack perhaps yeah i don't really get it i don't understand why i mean you know eventually they they i said to them look i'm wearing trousers now surely you should treat me different i understand you're a little bit offish before i'm wearing you know i've got clothes on now can't we just leave that in in the past can't we oh go on can't we i'll give us a little tickle go on give us a tickle so have i got any messages i did

have a message from so oh oh yeah did i tell you i didn't tell you this happened after i last spoke to you my friend another well a person yeah a friend phoned me up and was talking and she said oh i've got a friend who's got a dog i said that's nice she said i know they're for sale she she's got puppies for sale i said how much she said i don't know so why are you telling me then she said well i can find out for you i said okay and so she is

a beautiful little puppy i i looked online i mean i don't know what that particular one looked like but i looked online and and it's it's got some like a french sounding name bonjour je me selle i don't know it's uh she's a vase a she's a vase a i don't know it looked a little bit like a shih tzu that kind of cute face um like a it was almost like a little mix between a let's say crocodile not crocodile not igloo what's the name of those um i forget their names anyway poodle yeah

poodle and shih tzu they're kind of quite cute but almost woolly woolly like exterior they're like little sheep aren't they really and she said well i'll find out from my friend so she talks i found out from my friend and uh i literally know how much the little puppies are i said all right she got back to me right she said uh hi jason still available i think she's talking about the dogs uh she has a boy and a girl two thousand pounds each how dare you send me how dare you send me a text

saying or saying that anything costs two thousand pounds anything like it's nothing like oh it's just two thousand pounds what do you think i am how much do you think i have in my bank two thousand pounds who's got two thousand pounds to spend on a dog on a puppy maybe i know some people have but i know there's people out there with money but she knew that i don't she did say at one point have they got any savings like yeah i've got um i think like 63 pound in the bank she giggled like

i wasn't joking that is that's how much i've saved it's just been it works out about one pound 20 a year during my life and i've saved and anyway i texted back i said uh i put a curse on her for wanting that much so hopefully that she hasn't replied for some reason i put a curse on you i didn't really i don't know how to uh gosh she wouldn't even be she wouldn't even be in the top 40 of list of people that if i knew how to put curses go now i would never

do that i'd never i wouldn't once i did not i would never do anything that doesn't exist except in in the weak minds uh let's have a look i got a message a massage from yeah send me some messages man come on send me some messages yeah glimey where is you i think it must be on ben ben says everything evening jason and she's doing can't sleep listen to your podcast as per usual wife said she wanted to go for a walk today and my legs are killing me so it's lots of painkillers i'm trying

to get comfortable but my body's not having none of it but your assuming voice is helping hope this is one sentence have you heard of full stops this is a long sentence that's my job to to be boring um having a great quote heard you talking about some new ferrets would be amazing but no it's still raw yeah i know um but do what puts a smile on your face all i do and i am now off and on i'm on my way i'm on my way i'm on my way when i'm making recordings um

i can't really i've been going to i've been listening to you for over a year um yeah i've just basically it's my thanks day ben i did get you um your thingy um because i know you listen to these recordings i generally will reply on here although you might not hear it i should have said it at the beginning because it might seem like i'm not sounds like i'm ignoring messages but i don't ignore messages apart from the ones i ignore generally i try and uh read it out some are personal so i don't read

out the personal bits and often there's some personal stuff there about your leg that i didn't read about about the the um the scabs but and the and the crabs cleaning up and clearing up and stuff and the uh the herpes but yeah okay i didn't mention that because it's private but i just um i i do try and reply on here so if you leave me a message and i had a message from girl what's her name did you oh oh rachel talking to herself could you get a small dog then you could take

him with you when you go away because you would be very tired of a pole cam yeah i mean the i'll be honest i'm not really a dog person i don't know i think it's the picking the poo up see i don't mind touching poo but it's not in public something about that that picking it up in front of other people and bending down and i did with my friend's dog and ended up splitting my trousers in public in front of people no it's not funny at all it was very awkward i don't know um

i'm sure i don't think if i got an alligator i'd fall pretty fall in love with him you know it's it it doesn't matter i'd fall them an attachment but there's a neediness that dogs have that i'm not a big fan of i don't like needy things um because andre wasn't needy but at the same time i wanted him i realized i was the needy one in our relationship i'd be the one trying to cuddle up to him when he was asleep and they'd be telling me to go away so maybe that's what it is

i'm the needy one i need to be the needy one in a relationship i don't know um going away find a dog to take him away abroad is not easy i mean um but there are some places see i think an ideal situation for me if i could drive myself i would look and probably get myself a camper van a decent one where i could travel around and just park up pretty much um wherever i wanted but ideally you know i'd probably go to camper van camper sites camping sites or whatever caravan sites and you

know pay the 30 quid a night or whatever it is and then make use of the resources there you know the showers or no i'd have my own shower wouldn't i not just but you know just make use of the resources like restaurants and entertainment if there is such a thing in those particular venues the pub maybe yeah the pub so i quite like the idea that and i could probably get one right now not right now but i can imagine i could if i had a driving license i could probably get myself one to

use wouldn't buy it obviously i couldn't buy it outright but maybe get one on credit for again it wouldn't it wouldn't be new but maybe for a couple of grand i could perhaps try and mind you if i had a couple of grand of course i'd go to that lady and i'd buy one of her puppies wouldn't i yeah bloody two grand i've never i've never met a human that's worth two grand why would you spend two grand on a puppy i'd spend two grand to um you know on vets fees of course there's a

sky there's no limit to what i would spend to to help my little boy or girl you know if i where was a puppy a cat or um penguin whatever you know there's no limit to that but i don't think i think living beings should actually be cost anything otherwise we're turning into some kind of slavery aren't we you know if you sell something then it's almost a slave oh can you imagine i don't like your uh you're talking about slavery it's nothing like slavery you don't know what slavery well neither do you when's the

last time you was a slave nope never me neither who get really like oh yeah but you like well go back far enough and i would have been a slave you know when the romans were here i probably would have been one of their slaves so you know of course i'd like to think that i'd probably be a gladiator which who were slaves as well weren't they but probably not i'd be a slave and i'd be blimey who knows what i'd be i think it's forgotten that at the english for all the horrible things that

our ancestors did um to provide us with the kind of life that we have now uh all the you know the the way they took advantage of other countries and you know all those things horrible the fact is go back a few hundred years before they started doing that and we were being we were being just completely annihilated by other countries coming in the normans the romans the vikings the scottish the welsh you know whoever came in um didn't we we had um yeah we were completely invaded so many times and mistreated and a lot

of us were taken slaves taken away from here there was i don't know what country it was there was a country that used to come and i think it was like the cornish coast there was some part of the the country and these boats used to come up at night and they got into little boats and with ships and got in little boats and they come to shore and they would just basically kidnap the local residents as many as they could take him back onto the stick him in shackles and sell them on as slaves

and it's like what so yes i think back to them times my ancestors if we go back you know thousands of years blimey i'd love i'd love to see it like really kind of just how good would it be if you could meet your ancestors like you know i'm talking hundreds and hundreds of years ago thousands of years ago if you go right back to i don't know roman when the romans had invaded because the romans lived here for hundreds of years i think a good couple of hundred years so it wasn't just they can

just come here for 10 years in fact let me just check i'd like to fact check how long did romans invade britain for many tribes tried to resist the romans it took about four years for the invaders to finally gain control over southern england wow i don't know blimey i thought it was just like instant and another 30 years for them to conquer all of the west country and the mountains and valleys of wales wow i need to find out sorry i need to find out i'll go away oh blimey it's another stupid website we're

trying to get me to to pay for something okay in 55 bc junior caesar invaded britain and two with two foreign legions or two roman legions the romans fought several battles against different celtic tribes before before returning to gaul in 54 bc caesar returned to britain with a much larger army he crossed the english channel with five roman legions landing near dillon kent the romans marched inland and crossed the river thames again they fought against the celtic tribesmen and demonstrate the strength and power of rome caesar agreed to leave britain but only if the tribes

agreed to make a tribute payment to rome wow so he knew about rome then in 43 a.

d emperor claudius launched the third and final invasion of britain four roman legions led by general orlis plutus landed in three locations on the coast of britain richborough lymph and dover a large battle was fought between the romans and the celtic tribes near the river medway the romans emerged victorious but it took many years to gain control of britain as many tribes such as the ic led by buddhica continued to fight against the roman rule the roman invasion of britain was a gradual process between caesar's second invasion and the final invasion under the emperor claudius

roman traders and merchants had established trading relationships with the celtic tribes living in britain wow so we were actually dealing with them we were had a a relationship with them as a result some areas of the south of england were being influenced by the romans and their culture before the final invasion the romans were constantly making moves to extend the roman empire and push the boundaries of land under roman control having subdued the celtic tribes in gaul the romans turned their attention to the tribes living in britain britain was full of natural resources and the

romans believed that it would be of great benefit to the empire if the island could be successfully invaded that's not all i want to see what you're doing that's not giving me the how long they were here for okay how long did romans stay in britain the romans remained in britain from 43 a.

d to 410 a.

d that's almost 400 years wow 400 years man so it took them at least like 30 odd years to actually eventually conquer the whole of the country apart from scotland they left scotland alone i think scotland were too tough for them wow 400 years i remember that i saw a documentary and um apparently the reason rome left the romans left is because there wasn't anything here they haven't had a pretty bad winter or something there was not enough food and they were used to living extravagantly in rome the the leaders you know and they didn't

like it here the weather was crappy um and they just thought it was depressing so they left some people some stayed behind but they didn't tell anyone they just took off one night i see you won't want to be here and that is it gone it's a very simplified version of what happened but yeah i think that's pretty much it they there was nothing there they couldn't see any point in being there it held nothing it held no future for them in their eyes like it was just kind of a pointless country there's nothing which

is weird because we've managed to do okay haven't we since then but yeah they just there was i think they might have been overextending themselves as did britain when we ruled the waves so you can't cut corners when you're uh invading places you know gotta be quite thorough need to plan 400 years man 400 years that's just that's not a holiday is it blimey blimey 400 years so people were born you know not knowing anything other than what is i said everyone's born like that aren't they but they didn't know anything anything other than the

romans being there it's all they knew born into slavery or born as born into being uh i don't know if you can be a born gladiator i don't know you don't know it must be i think it's hard for anyone that's lived or you know in a nice weathered country to come and live in the uk in england it's not i mean we have nice days but we don't have we're not known we're not famous for our weather being good so we do have nice weather we have nice days we have we have a few

nice weeks in the summer where it's you know temperature's pretty good even when it's raining it's still fairly nice and it's it's dull today quite a bit but it's eight o'clock so it's going to be fairly dull outside but i suppose if you've lived in a really warm place that's warm a lot more the time and it's also beautiful to look at you know maybe you've got beautiful seas and beautiful beaches and you're living in car you know palaces and stuff like the romans probably were to then come here yeah must have been a bit

of a letdown like a nice break but 400 years a little bit too long eventually can we go home now please how did they keep their language 400 years did we speak german as well about them i don't know or did they eventually speak english how did we communicate wow see i don't know the history timeline as far as vikings i don't know when they they were vicious weren't they but i don't know why that's funny i don't know if the vikings were for the romans or after but that would have been an interesting imagine

if they come in while the romans were here the romans had two invaders fighting each other the locals standing around but we don't want anyone we don't we don't either of you go away you're horrid smelly romans sexy vikings anyway that's it i've talked for too much there's stuff on telly to watch so that's the attitude isn't it that's not gonna that's not gonna forge a career for me is it all i'm thinking about is telly anyway see you later remember to be kind to yourself because you deserve to be happy bye