#682 Let me bore you to sleep - HAPPY ANNIVERSARY VANESSA & KEVIN - Jason Newland (1st July 2021)

Hello and welcome to Jason Newland dot com. My name's Jason Newland and this is, this is, this is Let Me Bore You To Sleep. It really is.

No doubt about it. Number six hundred and eighty two, six hundred and eighty two, a ridiculous amount of recordings. Six hundred, let's say it all together, six hundred and eighty two, plus hours of me talking about nothing.

In reality it's probably about seven, probably about eight hundred hours, seven hundred and fifty plus hours, because some are longer than others, of me just chatting away to meself about now. So yeah, please, please, only listen when you can safely close your eyes. I keep getting these silly messages from the gym, okay.

Not any old gym, but the gym, it's called the gym. Used to be with them years ago, joined, joined a couple of times, I'm coughing, I only cough when I talk, so that's good, they've put the price up, so Sunday I got a message, I've cancelled with them, cancelled, I mean they've been closed for months and months and months and months, then they opened, then they closed again, then they opened, then they closed again, I think they just opened again, you know, it's like yeah, I'll sign up. Got a message, the monthly price goes up at midnight, beat the price increase, plus, plus no joining fee at the gym.

Rejoin for £13.99 with the promo code NOJOININGFEE. Today I got a message, use code NOJOININGFEE by midnight to rejoin the gym for just £15.99 with no joining fee. Offer ends tonight.

I have so many messages from them, I had a message in April, this is what, the message, this is good, the gym will be, will reopen on Monday the 12th of April, this is on the 5th of April, look at this message, first month half price, rejoin for £17. Not enough is £7, and then another message on the 13th, the same, we're back, we are, we're open again, whoop-a-doo, first month half price, rejoin for £7, then the 18th, I keep getting sent messages, oh dear, anyway, go away.

Before I start, before I start, I have a message from, it's from Vanessa to Kevin, her husband, who have been married 14 years, no, 19 years, 14 years, yeah, 14 years, they've been together 19 years, it's the wedding anniversary today, for Vanessa and Kevin, you know who you are.

Vanessa contacted me yesterday, and, you know, to give a shout out, and I said to her, well, we could do better than that, I can actually, if you send me a message, to read out to Kevin, I could read out a message to Kevin, on here, and she wrote back saying, stop hassling me, will you stop, and I said, I sent the message back, I'm not, I'm just replying to what you said, she said, I've had enough of you, go away, who are you, how did you end up on my friends list, my Facebook, I

don't, who are you, no, she sent me this message, so I'm going to read it out, this is to Kevin, we're going to do it in Vanessa's voice, every year, our anniversary, becomes more and more special, I don't know how, I'll just do it in a normal voice, okay, are you ready, Kevin, are you ready, take your hands out of your pants, come on, this is a serious moment, right, Vanessa put the cake down, come on, listen, you ready, here we go, from Vanessa to Kevin, I've not actually read it out, so I'm not going

to read it out, but I haven't read it first, so I might get some of the words wrong, oh, the pressure, here we go, every year, our anniversary becomes more and more special, with every passing moment, I find you more adorable, every year seems to bring more and more happiness, every year, we seem to make memories that are priceless, every year, I thank my fate, is it supposed to be feet or fate, fate, for giving you as my hubby, yeah, fate, yeah, fate wouldn't really make sense, would it, every year makes me realise how lucky

I am to be your wifey, Kevin, are you listening, I, no, this is Vanessa, okay, I love you more than any of my words can say, happy anniversary Kevin, love Vanessa, happy anniversary both of you, aw, aw, aw, happy anniversary, so, right, that's it, I've got no other messages, there ain't nothing, no messages, no, nothing, I had someone add me, called Earl Sawyer, added me, sent me a message saying, hi, how are you, I ignored it like you do, and the message was unavailable, completely gone, his Facebook page is not there either, Facebook page not

available, so, I'm guessing, not a real person, a scammer, okay, I'll tell you what's weird, if you're, well, not funny, but there's some of the counselling groups on Facebook, like trainee counsellors and therapists and stuff, some of the arguments that they have, some of the stuff that they talk about, it's amazing, it's so, some of the people on there are so pretentious, it's like almost trying to be something they're not, trying to be this holy, you know, I'm trying to be an authentic person, you know, you're not Carl Rogers, you're never going to be Carl

Rogers, he was him, you were you, be you, do you, try and be yourself, you know, going in there and sitting down, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm,

hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm But I want to know the person.

I want them to see that I'm listening. Well, look at them then.

Put your phone down. Put your phone down. Stop eating your sandwich.

I didn't do any of that. When I was a counsellor, it was just me. With boundaries.

You know. I wanted to actually write a book. With another counsellor.

I wanted to do it with her. Because she knew her stuff. A bit more educated than me, you know.

And I thought a good title for it was like a training book for people. What they didn't tell you in college, you know. What you wish you knew before you became a counsellor.

I was going to title it, What if I need to fart? And to me, that was a good title. Apparently not particularly professional. But it's useful, you know, because this stuff happens.

If you're a counsellor, and you go into the counselling room, and you haven't eaten. You know, it's two o'clock in the afternoon, and you've got back-to-back clients for the next three hours. And your stomach's rumbling, and you're hungry.

You couldn't be focusing on your hunger. It's kind of impossible not to. You can still focus on the client.

But you know what? Your stomach won't let you not know, because it's going to be going, feed me pizza, chocolate. And the client, or as I like to call them, the customer, is going to notice that weird sound coming from your tummy area. So you have something to eat before you go into the client room, before you do the counselling.

Even if it's a snack, you eat something if you're hungry. The same as if you just, I don't know, for some reason, decided to spend the whole morning eating prunes and prune juice. Maybe try to get to the toilet before you start your sessions.

I think I did have to go to the toilet once when I was with a client. I think. I had a couple of clients need to go to the toilet when they were with me.

They took off and were gone for ages. So I just had a little sleep. The problem is you don't know when you're going to come back.

I don't know how off-putting it is when you come back into the therapy room and your counsellor is on the floor in a sleeping bag. I don't know. It's hard to tell.

So today it's been very quiet. Yesterday I did a lot of recordings. Today I haven't really... See, that's a weird... I haven't really felt it.

That's a bit of stutter there. I haven't really had the motivation, if I'm honest, today. It hasn't been there.

I felt a bit ill last night. And I don't know, maybe I pushed myself a bit too much because I did do quite a lot. And it's not that it's hard.

It's very, very... Some of it's quite concentrated. And anyway, I... What did I do? Today I didn't do much. What I did do is I phoned up the mobile phone company because I had an £83 bill.

Now, it should have been about £60. And I couldn't figure out why. Why? Why? So I phoned them.

I spoke to three different people. Four. Three different people.

The first person I spoke to kept telling me that I added it on. You added on the extra data. I can see it on the screen.

You did it yourself. We didn't add it on. You added on the extra data.

And I kept trying to point out... Or trying, you know, like... Okay. Why would I add extra data? Why would I pay for extra data on a plan that's unlimited data? She didn't have an answer for that other than you did it. It wasn't me.

It wasn't us. It was you. But why would I do that? I mean, I've done some weird things in my life.

I've made some pretty ridiculous decisions. That would be among the most stupidest things I could ever do. Just generally.

It's not about the cost. You know, it's not like it would cost me thousands of pounds, but... Just from a... Why? You know what I mean? I've got two SIM cards. One from my phone.

One from my iPad. Both unlimited data. And I use them.

I hammer them. I use them every day. I make... It saves me hours every day that I would be using if I used a normal broadband because it's so slow.

And I can use both at the same time to upload stuff. So I'm saving myself probably 10, 20 hours a week. Let's say 10.

Let's not go overboard. Let's say 10 hours a week. That's a lot.

Probably more, actually. Now... Why would I add extra data to something that's got unlimited data? That's what I'm paying for. Unlimited data.

The phone. I can also make phone calls and stuff. Send texts.

But the iPad is just the data. That's it. Why would I buy extra data? There's no logical reason.

And I looked at the app. Even on the app it says that I've not purchased any extra services. And she was insistent.

No, you've paid extra data. You've paid for it. It wasn't us.

It was you. You, you, you, you, you, you, you. And I said it wasn't.

All I could hear was like... And she clearly had her hands over her ears. She was not listening to me at all. And then the phone hung up.

Now, she called me later and sent me a text message saying that we got cut off. Mmm... I don't know. But I phoned her back.

Spoke to another man. Explained to her. He was laughing.

He was laughing at the idea of me, you know, paying for extra data on an unlimited plan. He found it funny. He put me through to another lady who was going to try and get me a refund for the money I'd paid out for for nothing.

And she laughed at it as well. Now, I'm not sure if they were laughing at me. I'm not sure.

And they said, look. I said, it's not even on my app. Why would I? What possible reason? It doesn't even allow me to add data.

It doesn't, on the plan, it's unlimited data. It doesn't allow you to add extra data. Why would it? It can't.

It's not available. You know? In the same way as you can't buy a big Whopper in McDonald's. It's not on the menu, man.

It ain't there. I had a Whopper last week. It filled me right up.

It was nice. Very satisfying. He gave me his telephone number, but I'm not sure.

No, I did have a... I don't... It was all right. It tasted okay. I'm not really a Burger King person.

If I had to choose, I'd choose McDonald's over the two. And McDonald's is something that I would only eat very, very rarely. I don't mean... It'd be cooked, but I mean, not very often would I indulge in a McDonald's.

But when I do, I love it. I mean, the milkshake's probably the thing I like the most. Always was, really.

I do like a nice quarter pounder of cheese. Not that impressed with their fries. Sometimes they can be quite nice, but it's touch and go, really.

You know, it's sort of their... You'd think, well, it should just be the same all the time, but sometimes they're soggy. Sometimes they are nice and fried and hard and crispy, but then sometimes they've got way too much salt on them. But I think that's just to do with the staff they employ.

Because I'm guessing... This is just a guess. It's just a guess. Okay, it's not fact.

It's a guess. But I have this little hunch that not everybody working at McDonald's cares. I'm just checking it out there.

You know, I'm not sure how much I cared about the job I was doing when I was a teenager. So I don't know. But, generically, it is kind of generic, I should say.

It tastes the same, pretty much. But the fries were... Yeah, not always. The quarter pounders, sometimes can be a little bit burnt, sometimes a little bit dry.

And other times, they've just been cooked and they're a bit greasy, but wow, they're just fresh. Oh, the grease just helps it just wash down. It's lovely.

Nom, nom, nom. I could eat one now. I can't, because I live way too far away.

But I could definitely go for a quarter pounder. I live too far away for everything. All we've got is a miserable garage, a petrol station with miserable staff.

And I'm talking miserable. Rude, miserable. Yes, was it Monday? I came home.

No, Sunday. I came home Saturday from Cornwall and I had a stinking cold. It's gone now.

But I was ill from Wednesday last week until probably Tuesday was the aftermath. So it lasted for about five or six days, but the last couple of days it eased off. So Sunday, I get here, I knock on my friend's door to see if he'd go to the garage for me.

Because I didn't want to go in there with sneezing and coughing and stuff like that. He wasn't in, but his dad was there. So his dad sort of offered to do it for me.

He said, you could drive me up there. I said, yeah, but I don't want to be, I don't want to get too close to you and give you the cold. So it's not a big walk, so we just walked there.

He went in there for me. And I realised there was something that I needed to get. There was actually, that the lady behind the camera could get for me.

Because he was in there. So I had my mask on, so I just knocked on the window for her to get me something. And it was within arm's reach for her, so it's not like she had to go anywhere.

She gave me the disgusting look. I mean, I literally had to look down to make sure that my flies were done up. It was that kind of like, why are you looking at me? And she was just getting angry with me.

Because I wasn't actually going in there to get my own stuff. First of all, I shouted out, what's your problem? And I thought, no, wait a minute. And I said, listen.

Got her attention. I said, I've got, I'm ill. I've got a cold.

I don't want to come into there and spread it with other people. I have my card, I can just, I haven't got to touch anything. I'm not giving you money.

I can just pay through the glass with my card. And that's it. And then she calmed down a bit.

She stopped foaming at the mouth. It's so angry and miserable. 90% of the staff in there.

And I don't quite understand why. And it makes it harder because it's the only place close by. Even though it's not close.

It's still like a 15 minute walk. 10, 15 minute. But it's just, when, like that late, I went in there today, got something, and I saw the same woman.

And she's the only person I've seen all day. The only human contact I've had all day long. And it was with that miserable woman.

So yeah, it's very weird. I don't know. There's something wrong with them.

I really do think there's something. Someone told me that they were all family. So maybe that's what it is.

Maybe they've all got the same condition. I don't know. It's really miserable.

One bloke there normally doesn't say thank you or please. I think yesterday or the day before he said, he said please I think. No, he said thank you.

One of them. He missed one of them out. That would be £14.50. That's not how you ask for the money in a shop.

It's like, that's £14.50 please. And then when they give you the money you say thank you. Or give them the change back and say thank you.

Have a nice day. Give them a little bit of a kiss and a cuddle. That's how it should be.

The only person that's nice to me in there now is there's a woman. She's older than me but I don't know how much more. Doesn't really matter but she used to absolutely, I think she hated me.

And then over time she started being nice to me. So and now she's the only one that is. Ironically one of my friends went in there.

This is about six months ago. And a new member of staff was rude to him. Like really rude to him.

Going about, oh you've got tattoos on your face. That member of staff had tattoos on his own face. Said there was something a bit weird there.

And my friend just said, what, what? You know it didn't get into an argument or nothing. But the bloke behind the counter in the garage, the petrol station said to my friend, you're barred. You're barred, it's not a pub.

You're banned from coming in there. It's the only place we've got near here. And my friend didn't deserve that.

He's a regular, goes in there every day. So I called up the manager. And to discuss it.

I thought, no I'm not having this. It's ridiculous. Another, a new member of staff being rude to us.

It's like what, it's bad enough all the others are rude. And I said to this bloke, phone him up and say can I speak to the manager please. He said, yeah speaking.

I said, yeah I want to complain about a member of your staff being rude to my friend. And I said, yeah on that note most of your staff are rude. I don't know why that is.

And he said, oh okay. And I said, I'm just about to say and one of the biggest ones is the one that works at night. I said, and the one that works at night.

He said, yeah I work at night. I do the night shift. I said, you're the manager aren't you? And I just carried on.

I was about to slag him off. He was so friendly on the phone. Articulate.

Spoke perfect English on the phone. Off the phone he hardly, he grunts. Hardly puts two words together.

33 pound. What do you want? He doesn't. But on the phone really pleasant, really nice.

Articulate. We discussed it and I said to him and he said, well we have a lot of problems with people on your estate coming here stealing and causing problems. I said, yeah but it's not my friend, it's not me.

You know us, you see us every day practically. You know the one I'm talking, my friend's recognisable. He knows him.

He goes in there and I said, look he hasn't done anything. He doesn't deserve to be treated that way. And you need to do something about your member of staff.

Especially that particular one. And he said, okay I'll retrain him. I'll give him some retraining.

I thought, okay. Call your pitbull off. I should have, wouldn't I say.

And after that things seemed to be okay for a couple of weeks. But we do have problems. We do have troublemakers here.

And but you know, I'm not responsible for what other people do, nor is my friend. He's not responsible for what other people do. Everyone's responsible for their own actions.

And because some people get all, I don't know. Just some strange behaviour that I've seen. But you know, I'm not a thief.

I don't steal. Oh. Can you imagine anything worse than being a thief? Just knowing.

Imagine waking up every day knowing that you're a thief. That's just got to be a really horrible feeling. It's like, I'm a thief, therefore I'm a liar.

Thieves are liars. It's just the way the two go together. It's like, I'm a thief and I'm a liar.

No one trusts me. No one's ever going to trust me. Unless I stop being a thief, of course.

Even then, you'd probably have to move away somewhere new so no one knows you. But it's like, imagine waking up every day to that. You know, I'm a It's got to be really horrible, isn't it? It's got to be.

That'd be like waking up every morning to me. You know what I mean? Looking over and seeing me in the morning. No.

It's horrible. By the way, I am single. If anyone's out there looking for some loving, maybe one day a podcaster will read out our 14th anniversary.

You know. You never know. I'll only be 64.

You'll be probably middle 30s by then. So, you know. I must be 22.

I'm on the goal of 22. Should I move to Thailand? Here's a question for you all. I've been in contact with the OK.

The Ferret Man. It's not his name. He breeds ferrets and polecats.

And he's got a polecat for me, if I want it, to collect next week. I've seen videos and pictures of him. He's cute.

Cute little thing. He doesn't look exactly the same as Andre, but he's similar. But, I don't know.

You know, if I take him on, that's that's me for the next, well, you know, I know Andre, I only had him for 6 years. I'm not even blimey. How long did I have him for? October? No, September 2015.

So, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21. Wasn't even 6 years, was it? That's awful. Wasn't even 6 years.

And he was probably born in July. Because apparently, I thought it was the month before, but it's there with their mum for the first at least 2, maybe 3 months. So, you know, maybe born in June even.

Didn't even get to be 6 years old. That's ridiculous. So, I don't know.

Part of me thinks, well, maybe I was a bit of a crap dad, you know. Not love-wise, but just didn't give him what he needed. He got ill.

He didn't take care of him well enough. I don't know. Not sure.

But there's a little bit of thinking. There's a real part of me, a big part of me wants to go travelling in the future. And next year's possibly, I could possibly start doing it next year.

That's my glasses by the way. But if I stayed, there's a part of me that doesn't really want to do anything as well. You know, I'm not settled at all.

I think if I was here and I had a, I suppose I was in a relationship and and it would be different. But I'm not. You know, I'm I'm free, really.

I'm not yet. But I will be free at the end of the year. To then be able to go and do stuff.

Go places. And I do like the idea of going to Thailand for three to six months. At some point.

You know, soon ish. When they open up the borders again. When they allow people in.

Find myself somewhere half decent to stay. And because everything's a lot cheaper out there. I could afford to do it probably.

Maybe with a little extra help from my friends and listeners while I'm out there. But you know, I can also make videos. That was a little hint there.

I could make some videos and continue with the podcasts while I'm out there. And then things I could do. Editing on the beach.

I mean, imagine I was going to sit on the beach and read a book and just chill out. There's gyms which are usually available to use fairly cheaply so I could keep fit. Maybe run on the beach or on the promenade.

Have some sunshine. Go vegetarian because it's one of the best countries in the world to be a vegetarian in Thailand because it is a Buddhist country. And they have a lot of vegetarian meals.

A lot of vendors and restaurants. They cater for the vegetarian. And I know that if I eat vegetarian, I will lose weight.

I will lose fat. I will be healthier and possibly live longer. But that's not the reason behind it.

I don't know if you can hear that. The ding-a-ling of the chip shop. Did you say ding-a-ling? Yeah, I did.

I just got interrupted then by the chip van. I had to go and buy some chips for my tummy. For my tummy.

Started doing weights again yesterday. Haven't done any for a while and did some today as well. I quite like that feeling of having done it and then being able to tense.

I mean you need a microscope to see the muscle tensing but I can feel it. I really can. But I'm going to bring this recording to an end.

It's a little bit of a shorter version than normal but I need to eat. I'm sure you don't mind me eating, do you? Come on, you don't. Come on, you don't mind.

Do you mind? Please? As far as getting another ferret. Well this will actually be a polecat, not a ferret. Or mate, I don't know.

Anyway, a ferret. I'm scared. The thing is I do have and it's a cliche but or I miss not giving any love out.

Because I loved, I just had so much love for that little boy and it just I guess it felt quite nice to sort of I don't know. I was going to say present it to him but that would be weird, wouldn't it? I have a presentation of some love and I wonder if you can just sit down for a minute. It won't take long.

And just express. Then when I think of express I think of squirting milk out of a boobie, you know, so it's maybe I'm the only Tesco Express. And that was a let down when I went in there.

So I went to the milk section. So I don't know. I'm just going to just see.

I need to make a decision tomorrow really. But I do feel that I definitely need to make some changes. Because there needs to be a balance.

There needs to be a bit of a balance. And I think Andre gave me some balance. He gave me that, the fun.

I have fun doing these. But he gave me, he made me laugh, you know, some of the things he did. And I don't know, we'll see, we'll see.

So I'm going to go, remember to be kind to yourself because you deserve to be happy. Lots of love. And if you're celebrating a wedding anniversary, wherever you are, happy anniversary.

If you're celebrating a birthday, happy birthday. And if you would like me to read out or do a similar thing that I did earlier for Vanessa, just contact me. I'm happy to do that.

Read out a birthday message or, you know, an actual, you can type out a whole letter and I'll read it out. And just send it to me. Right, take care.

Lots of love. Bye.