#668 Let me bore you to sleep - I LOVE AIR SHOWS & SLATE MINES - Jason Newland (9th June 2021)

Hello and welcome to jasonnewland.com. Welcome to Jason Newland. My name is Jason Newland. Yeah, that's it.

Welcome rather to let me bore you to sleep. And my name is Jason Newland. Please only Jason Newland.

No, please only listen. That's it. Listen now very intensely.

Now only listen when you can safely, safely close your eyes. So you know, I hope that's self explanatory. So if you're about to land a space shuttle, then maybe don't listen to this.

Or if you're about to do open heart surgery on someone, maybe turn this off, possibly. Or if you're in the middle of a rugby match and you're on the field, then yeah, maybe don't listen to this then. Maybe afterwards or before.

Maybe not before. But you know, no, no, no, no, not during. Not during.

Yeah, if you're even if you're flying a kite, by kite, I mean, you know, thing in the sky. I don't have people who do them anymore today. I still love a nice, nice kite flying.

But it's weird though, because it's almost like one of those enjoy. It's one of those that is like a laughy cough. It's an enjoyable thing to do.

You know, completely pointless.

flying a kite yeah I've got this bit of plastic look at it's in the sky look yeah yeah but it's attached to some string yeah no but there's some like bits of you know things to make it into like a triangle like this these bits of wood not wood but tubular long stuff bamboo stick kind of things and it basically it's made it instead of just being floppy like a bit plastic it's actually making it flat yeah but it's in the sky yeah okay yeah yeah yeah I can see it's in the sky but look

now I can see but the winds keeping it up okay so oh oh I suppose it's a bit pointless for it isn't it yeah oh I was having so much fun oh wow oh your negativity really has ruined everything well glad to be of assistance flying kites is fun I'm sure it's been a long time since I flew a kite it's not really something you do when you're an adult I suppose but unless of course it is something you do then it is but I think kites I think is you get to relive if you've

got kids you get to relive some of those enjoyable moments by taking your kids along and making them partake in an activity that they've got no interest in just so you can have fun oh that sounds a bit negative oh no it's just it's just natural isn't it oh I mean I would like to point out to a lot of parents if any parents listening any fathers any fathers out there listening it may surprise you but your your young children okay you listening fathers daddies out there may surprise you but your young children may not

be quite as interested in that air show as you are they might not be that interested in watching planes go by as you might be just letting you know just let you know continue taking your kids to things like castles they might not be that interested oh an old buildings half half only half built you know it's nobody used to be a castle this is little Luke son he used to be a car well it still is a castle but he used to used to have a roof and people used to live in there and

and then get the plague and it was great oh that's interesting thanks dad thanks for bringing us to this castle this old ruined building thanks yeah much rather be doing this and being at home playing on the PlayStation or the Xbox much rather be doing no it's all right dad I'd much rather spend time with you than be having fun oh oh harsh bit harsh I mean I think really if you are an adult if you want to take your kid out take your kid out somewhere your kid wants to go and there's a little

secret I found this this is a worth gold this is this is a piece of gold here a nugget of nakedness here's how you find out what your kids like what you know do because this is almost like oh blimey it's there it's just like just how do I find out what my what my son or daughter's gonna enjoy doing his his solution to that okay ready ask them I know mind-blowing isn't it mind-blowing ask them what they want to do no I can't comprehend but surely they'd be interested in going to the air show

or maybe go into a coal mine in or a slate mile in Wales we can go to Wales and we go to a slate mine where they used to make slates and perhaps get get our names engraved in the slates or you could ask the child what they would like to do I spent years on holiday and now my family it wasn't that we didn't have any money but we just had too many kids the family was too big four kids two adults and the occasional grandmother there was you know big house two cars or

three cars including the van and a four including the camper van there was no there was no money to go like abroad or anything like that so we ended up doing UK holidays which in themselves is fine Britain or England Scotland Wales all those areas so some beautiful parts of this place you know and we did go to some nice places so there's no you know I've got no fault with the places we went to as far as we used to go to Wales we went to Wales a few times for holidays I mean if

I'd have been asked what slight changes I would have made to the to the process to the you know if I'd have had a bit more of an input into the planning of that particular holiday there would have been less people going it would have just been me going I left everyone else at home definitely would have left my brothers and my dad at home so it's I suppose technically me on my own or me with my stepmum perhaps wouldn't be classed as a family holiday but you know I don't think we should get too

caught up in labels we get to we get to Wales right we get to Wales and Wales is a it's lovely it really is and it is and if if nothing else it's funny just to try and pronounce the the the names on the street signs or the towns you know so it's just it's just impossible no word should have that many L's and Y's in it it's just so I'm not quite sure how they got that how they got to that point but I I like the beach beaches were lovely in Wales some of

the beaches beautiful and you could walk out from literally walk out long distances and you still only be up to your knees in water now I think there was quite a bit of ignorance though because the tide can come in you can get caught so you can you know and suddenly the waters deep but we didn't know about stuff like that back then or mind your nose my dad never went out he was just sent us out you go there go to that little bit of you see that little bit of that opening just go

there just stand on that sandy bank there yeah maybe sunbathe it's fine that's okay yeah I know it sounded surrounded by water from all different directions and it's really far out but don't worry it's okay we'll call you in when it's dinnertime no dad I'm not going there I'm not going to see a castle yippee I mean I don't think any kid well maybe I mean there's probably some kids but I can't imagine there's that many children whilst on holiday jump out of their you know bed and say mommy daddy can we go visit a

castle today can we can we go to an old town and look at some of the visits a visit a cafe probably not maybe probably not but maybe definitely not possibly but it's brilliant though you know I loved it I mean how could you not love going to a slate mine and seeing all that slate well you know all the stuff they used to use to put on on top of people's houses and stuff to make roofs by the way it's roofs not ruffs it's roofs it's r-o-o-o-o-o not ruffs if you say ruff instead of

roof give yourself a good talking to and I will see you in detention that's my neighbor getting ready to go out he's gonna slam the door in a minute you hear that fucking did I just swear 17 minutes past 5 in the morning slams the door shakes the whole building oblivious to it and he's really lovely bloke quiet person talks very quietly really nice it's oblivious to that door slamming it's almost like it doesn't hear it it's funny it's kind of funny see I don't let the door slam so occasionally it does you know but

generally I don't let it slam the front door because they're on they're on hinges so they slam or is he coming in he's gonna let the door slam again that's the thing he goes out does something in his car then comes back in she lets the door slam like two or three times at five o'clock in the morning now 20 years ago 30 years ago I'd have been going absolutely spare seriously getting woken up at 5 in the morning by someone slamming the door I would have lost my mind now I don't care that's weird

isn't it it's almost like just one of those I think maybe it's as I got older just realize you can't control other people just can't we can't control every aspect of our environment I can't control the birds singing in the trees honey don't even have that much control of me own bum so you know what why am I trying to control other people how about taking some control over yourself first maybe maybe hmm dunno oh here's some news here's some newsy-poosy I got a message from Marth blindly let me see if I've got the details

here I've had a few messages I want to say thank you to hope for your PayPal gift really really helpful thank you actually helped me pay one of my bills yesterday so thank you very much if you do wish to help this free service please go to paypal.me forward slash Jason Newland and the link is on my website Karen actually asked me if I would do a longer if I could do a longer recording now five hours is the longest I could do generally okay she wanted six or seven hours nope can he do that

I would if I could but the podcast limit is five hours and 300 megabytes so the size is limited and the length is limited so sounds a bit weird so if the if the size of the recording you know might be five hours long but if it's

if it's you know 500 megabytes then I can't upload it so I had to figure a way of reducing the size and I did eventually so the recordings with music I'm gonna do two so basically I will do the first recording which was without music there'll be one with two hours worth of music and then one with five hours worth of music so just gives you the option because not everybody's gonna want to listen for five hours some people will be listening for a couple of hours in order to maybe have a nap or to

just help to relax because they enjoy just you know that time some people prefer without music so I I personally probably prefer without music this is a preference for me if I'm listening to someone talking I don't want to hear music no it's what no it's it's different no if I think you know if it's a guided relaxation session yeah music is cool but if it's some like talking because I watch and listen to say motivational stuff on Spotify and the amount that they have to have music underneath I do this really kind of upbeat

music and it annoys me I just want to hear the person's voice I don't want to hear any damn music underneath it but then I'm not I'm not trying to go to sleep or relax I'm just trying to listen to the words that are being spoken directly to me anyway Karen she sent me a message I've just gone to click today's podcast and see that the time is longer I'll let you know if I wake an hour in the morning you don't have to let me know if I get past five a.

m.

now I wanna just we were close if we were clear it's a bit so cool you don't have to let me know exactly how how long he was asleep for anything unless you want to but doesn't make me feel like a bit of a failure though if you tell me that it didn't work I listened it's like I listened to one of your relaxation sessions and the big body scan one you did and I was really relaxed but unfortunately in my left knee but it just didn't relax sorry so you failed but then bit like

next time I mean the way I the way I work is I think it's progressive so progressive it's very gentle very genteel the way that I do I do so you know it's like go to sleep I don't bombard you with stuff I just check a few suggestions you know in the hypnosis stuff that it's not this one just check a few suggestions and some ideas and some visuals and some you know it's just stuff that you can do or not do and the accumulation of that I feel over time could be useful that's kind

of where I'm coming from on that so it's if you're listening and you get three hours you're asleep for three hours then maybe tomorrow you'll be asleep for three hours and 20 seconds and it just progresses like that so in a in 30 years time you might be asleep for five hours so you know it's brilliant really it's just it's incremental is it incremental it's a little bit at a time little bit little bit time and it's you know so that's what I've done I mean I would do much longer recordings if it was a

suitable venture but it's not suitable because I can't do it because I'm not able to it doesn't mean that I won't be able to in the future so there might be a possibility of me releasing some longer ones but what I might do is make some longer videos for YouTube so maybe a hour an eight hour video for YouTube that might be something that I might do for you in the future so it's you know it's something worth thinking about and it's something worth discussing but we'll see we will see I'm so in love with

you Oh guess what guess what honeyplum guess what my darling since the beginning of this year and Tuesday the 8th of June 2021 I have had 1 million eighty nine thousand five hundred and sixty four downloads or listens to my podcasts 1 million eighty nine thousand five hundred and sixty four it's not bad is it so I reckon I'll have by the end of the year I'm guessing three three million plus for the year that's what I'm reckoning that's what I reckon I may be wrong it doesn't really matter oh Ben says thank you for

the extra long let me bore you to sleep ended up getting into it and now can't sleep I'm brilliant thanks for doing that by the way it failed but thanks anyway it was of no use to us but thanks that's like two now yeah thanks for doing that but yeah it didn't do anything for me it's absolutely pointless but thanks anyway they like yeah thanks for taking us on holiday to Wales and taking us to the slate mine and that old decapitated partially brick castle that didn't even cover us up during the rain but thanks

for that yeah thanks for wasting two weeks of my life it was great but thanks yeah yeah thanks hmm hmm let me get everyone back I have revenge my revenge is by sending people to sleep for more than 10 minutes I mean really I do do other things I do do other podcasts which are my you know sleepy recordings and stuff so they might be might be worth looking into it doesn't have this you know it doesn't have me talking to you in this way but there is it's more what it is you know it's

relaxation me just talking you through it guiding you to feeling more relaxed and to also notice how your mind starts to drift as you listen to me and you know so that's the kind of stuff that I would do although I do do regularly some and I'm gonna be doing those also with on their own with no music then with a two-hour music or one which is two hours of background music and one which is five hours of background music again giving people the options of what they choose for yourself because yes I like the

idea of having options and that's probably I guess that's why I make so many different recordings and have done for such a long time because I just to me I'd get yeah I'd probably get a little bit bored listening to exactly the same recording for too long and I had a brilliant relaxation CD or tape back in 2000 it was January 2000 I listened to it every day and it was brilliant it was brilliant I wish I still had it because I probably listen to it now well not right now but you know it was

really really good the music was beautiful and the lady's voice was beautiful everything about it was great now maybe that was a little seed under my helmet that that I kind of sprouted you know the idea of making recordings but you know I had a I had an idea of doing it back in probably 99 thinking oh maybe I should make a CD some kind of relaxation recording or pain relief or something like that and my my cousin had because his dad was in a band they had loads of recording equipment and my cousin was

a whiz a whiz kid on the making music he was into I don't know garage or something like that and into music he loved the garage and he used to like me play music as well and he had all this really good set up with microphones and everything so I did record myself doing probably about 10 minutes of a relaxation session just off you know off the top of my head but it was rude so I wasn't really taking it very seriously but it was rude as me being very rude and I thought that was

fun yes but with a full bosom I thought no I'm not really not really my thing I just thought if I could be bothered I wasn't interested really I was a little bit interested but it would have been you know down the line of selling CDs we're just selling if you can't you know other than in a major bookshops music stores and stuff like that back in the day when we had them and I just it seems to me that that was just a lot of work so I didn't bother I mean there was a

period right I'm gonna open this you're gonna hear it go tsss ready oh I must have opened that yesterday I what was I talking about must have been something I don't know I don't remember I think in those days I would have needed some kind of recording contract or publishing deal to be making CDs now of course do you want online I was gonna say it doesn't cost anything but this costs me quite a lot of money to run but it's because it's of a higher I'm on a higher level than an average podcast sounds

so up me up me own bum don't I by that what I mean is the cost of running this has gone up over the last couple of years yeah not just it's the equipment but the the costs of various different costs because I make quite a few recordings which means there's a lot of uploading to do which means I've got unlimited internet on my iPhone and on my iPad so it's two separate contracts £30 a month each that's separate from the broadband because the broadband is rubbish which means when I've done a recording I can

upload it both on the phone and on the iPad so it takes a lot less time to do it to upload and it's a very time-consuming thing I mean just for one recording to upload it to the different podcasts can sometimes take an hour and a half if I do it on just one thing or just do it on a phone so I can half that time by doing it on the iPad at the same time you see what I mean and also if I when I was doing on the broadband it was cutting off

continuously cutting off so try and upload and there wasn't like big files you know I mean the most the highest file is 300 megabytes that's the biggest file that I can upload so it's not that's not a big file there's a thousand megabytes in a gigabyte so 300 megabytes you could say it's quite a high file for a podcast episode okay I suppose maybe but it's you know good quality there's a good quality mp3 and you know the the 300 or whatever ones they're two hours long now gonna be five hours long but I managed

to figure out how to do it yesterday I spent hours trying to figure this out and yeah hopefully it should work out okay it should be groovy that's good there was a time when I moved away from London in fact before that when I got evicted out of my home well I was I was just reading a room in this place but I got evicted so I had to get out and it was just another one of those I've been evicted a few times over the years and it's horrible it's just horrible even if you

don't like the place you're living in it's just okay the I guess being forced to make changes and the expense that comes with it you're trying to find somewhere else and finding a deposit and stuff now in this situation my friend did offer sort of he said well do you want to borrow money to get yourself a place he said we can how much you need a grand thousand more and I was like no no honest I turned him down I said no it's fine I had a job I had a full-time job and I

was working part-time at the weekends so I had enough to rent a place yeah all I was doing was working really working all day Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday and Friday but then working Friday night till two or three and then working Saturday night to about two so the only day I had off was Sunday and I didn't mind it I'd love to well love is probably the wrong word but the you know the weekend thing I'd love to be doing that now and living here you know if there was a comedy club around the corner

just up the road from where I lived I mean I'd be there you know I'd love to sort of be the deed I don't know a DJ I found pretty I'm more I think I'm more a level of probably wanting to be the manager of the place right you know just to be around there standing around in a suit or something looking smart and smarmy I think being a DJ I think that's not it's not even fair I think on are the young women they don't want some old old man like me being in charge

of the music they want some young fruity like I used to be young and fruity wearing nipple tassels you know like most DJs do don't realize it it's underneath the top but you know if you ever get if you really want to see when you get to go to your next disco doesn't matter whether it's a disco or radio DJ whether it's a wedding whatever every DJ male only men do this get the top off or pull the top up nipple tassels and they're always in pastel colors and quite often shaped as little willies I

don't know why I don't know why it's just this it's it is part of the job is it this is the hidden stuff that you don't know about I realize it I mean I just told you about it but it's it's a trade secret I remember I went to the job because you know if you go for a job as a security guard now you need to have a license you need to have first aid training you need to have self-protection training conflict revolution resolution you need to have a license to say that you're competent

in certain aspects of you know security whatever that is whatever it means and so you have to have that stuff if you want to get a job on the railways you need to have certain licenses and proof that you're that you know what you're doing and you understand self and safety and you you know all that stuff there was a reason I was saying all this stuff now I think I've took it too far when I started talking about working on the railway what was I talking about before the railway being a DJ yeah you

need to have that stuff when you go for a job interview you need to have that information at hand to become a DJ all you need to do is just show them your tassels it's quite often it really is do you have them and you say yeah you pull your top up and you do you have to do you have to be able to do it so not only do the tassels swing around one way and then around the other way but you need to get it so they swing around opposite directions at the same

time and there's a certain skill in that so that's why DJs always have perfect bosoms because all that exercise they get with their tassels with their nipple tassels and so that's part of being a DJ and what other things to be a DJ you have to grow your toenails really long that's something that's again you probably didn't know about this you have to grow your toenails really long it's something to do with well apparently what it is is not only do you have to have your toenails really you have to take your shoes off and

your socks off when you're behind the DJ decks because this certain vibration that enters your nails your toenails which allows you to get in touch with the with the music so yeah you have to have very long gangly toenails what other things did DJs need to have oh yeah you need to have a little a fart flap so basically what that is is you know like a cat flap but this is in in the bot it's the back of your trousers and it's all always there nice and loose but basically you have it it offers

two options you can have it so it's loose so the farts can just move you know slowly in and out in and out you know it can be relieved but what you can do what they do is when a customer or yeah a customer comes to ask you to play a song what happens is the the fart flap seals itself because another thing that happens with DJs is when they're near when they're near women they tend to let off a lot of gas this is part of the because you know DJs are a very special

breed of people they are the chosen ones in fact and there's a certain amount of gases which is produced and that's in reaction to the oestrogen in the air because this is a real thing women give off and I'm sure it's the same with men men and women I'm sort of focused on just one sex men and women give off is it pheromones isn't it basically and it's in the air and it's a smell I can't smell it although you can maybe there's there's so you know if you if you moan if you've got that

45 year old man was chatting me up and I'm way too young for him I've got my dad's my dad's younger than he is don't blame the man blame your oestrogen blame the pheromones blame nature me old pal it's not his fault he is reacting to an invisible force that is one of the strongest forces in the world so he's he might be almost like a statue not able to move because he's he's just hypnotized by you it's not because he wants to be he doesn't want to be standing there no middle-aged man wants to

be standing there talking to a 22 year old woman trying to chat her up and humiliating himself he's got air shows to get to he's got slate mines to get to he's got old castles to visit or kites to fly he doesn't want to be wasting his time talking to a beautiful woman he's got other things that are way more interesting but he gets caught up in that web of science this is science this is this is like saying stop breathing no you should be able to control what he is controlling he's not doing anything

bad I mean yeah if he was doing what he wants to do he'd probably get arrested for indecent exposure but you know the fact is he's affected by science by nature by these weird chemicals that are emitted from the younger person because I don't I don't know I don't I don't admit any kind of ferret I don't have any hormones I don't think no not on my age I don't have hormones don't be so ridiculous I don't have hormones you have hormones I you can keep yours you can have mine I'm glad I don't have

any hormones anymore oh man that was hard work really I mean I don't get frustrated anymore only time I get frustrated is if the pizza deliveries late that's it I don't get frustrated oh I need a woman oh I need satisfaction no I need some sleep I need another can of coke I need to go for a walk I need a toilet I don't I need maybe I did that's gone but I was lucky because I never really got attached generally to women I wasn't one of these I say lucky I mean it was due

to my malfunctioning brain but I was able to be alone and there's some people can't I know people so I'm not judging it although I do find it funny or funny funny as in like become amusing and confusing oh really you can't spend time on your own why would you I know people that would rather spend their life with someone they can't even stand being there than being on their own and that I will judge because that is just like come on you don't even like this person yet you're I've got an idea why don't

you have another kid oh that'll help the relationship or we could move house to another a bigger house and get a larger mortgage so really stuck with each other for longer yeah it's a good idea me no what people suppose I I had a conversation and some of them well sex isn't everything nobody is something though they saw especially one of the benefits of being in a relationship not the only benefit I mean it is the only benefit when you're when you're young well from from now sometimes it is the only good thing about a

relationship unless you're in love then of course everything's wonderful everything I remember was it early 90s watching the news it was the first Gulf War I remember they're sitting there my girlfriend all loved up laughing watching the tanks and on the TV and all the destruction and just having a wonderful time we were so in love you know just it brightens up the most mundane things being in love like oh didn't it and I noticed that when I was in yeah when I used to kind of fall for someone I'd laugh more and I love

laughing I'd laugh I seem to yeah I've seen that I've seen that in nightclubs I've seen that where and it's a theme I've not really seen men do it they probably I'm sure they do but I find just women more interesting so I observe them more than I do men I just find men just I just generally just I just find women more interesting as a species it's probably because I am kind of a man but also kind of a woman at the same time I wouldn't say I'm all man I'm all man physically as

far as I've got most of the bits you're supposed to have unfortunately mine are in miniature and apart from your belly mind you get rid of the belly I should add to be able to add an extra half inch so that should be good and oh yeah I've seen I say women possibly young young young young women in the past talking to a bloke yeah a boy basically girls and boys are very young thus I've seen young women talking to someone that they clearly fancy they're really attracted to laughing everything he's saying and he's not

saying one funny thing and it's amazing to see I mean again estrogen ostrogen estrogen what is it and men produce other than sweat and poo what is it today whatever you know the hormones that men produce which is exactly the same it's exactly the same thing men produce that stuff that attracts women women it does it attracts men and it's produced naturally but I would say that the better-looking people seem to produce more of it because they have more success so I think I was given probably an egg cup full of this and I had

to use it very sparingly it's all used up now but I used to have to be very sparing so I'd have a like it you know those air fresheners you can stick into the wall and you can have them squirt out every now and then well I was a little bit like that with the egg you know I'd have a little bit of ethol or whatever it is that men produce and used to have that all squirt out every now and then so I had a bit I had a bit of success occasionally but you

know I think but I've also seem to have attracted good-looking men to be my friends because I think I'll make them look better they have me next to them and they look better they you know even though they already look good to start with and you see that with women as well so you know men do it women do it I just never realized that I was the I was the one hi I was the I don't know what the right word is for it not troll yeah maybe that would be an original yeah the

end of the old day the proper use of the word troll you know under the bridge fancy going out sometime yeah yeah sure yeah sounds great let me just go and get my my telephone number for you I left it in my helicopter so I used to I remember I was out with this bloke and he was it was one of these I used to work in an insurance I've mentioned it a few times and it was I forget his name now but he okay I sat next to him for ages and ages and ages

and he kept saying let's go out for a drink and I said no I'll see you all day long why would I want to see you outside of work that was my it wasn't just what I thought I said it to him that's in the days when I just sort of say what you know I used to just be honest so I see you know see you all day long I don't want to see you outside and eventually he found that funny I think he thought I was joking and eventually we did we ended up

dating no eventually we did go out for a drink and women were just almost as I had this invisible lasso that he was chucking at women and just ridiculous like seriously ridiculous they're just it's almost like I saw women with their boyfriends and you can see that they just wanted to just leave their boyfriend and walk over and be with him it was very weird very very weird I mean he was astonishingly good looking I mean you can't do that can't deny it but blimey you think wow but he must have given off that stinky

ceremony stuff as well as how he looked but it must have given off that as well like it was a double whammy and it was just honest eyes just what I saw sometimes it was ridiculous and then this young she was quite young but I really liked her she used to work in a chip shop and hadn't seen her for about a year I used to say hello and talk to her right I didn't hang around the chip shop talking to her I used to say hello she's very attractive and I thought I want to

think of you later and then I was in a nightclub with my friend and she turned up I was like you're right yeah she's okay and I'm thinking wow this is a opportunity maybe I can get a chance to get to know her a little bit maybe have a drink maybe a little dance I'm thinking this and I hear her voice say you can introduce me I said we've already met mate we've already met do you remember I gave her that one pound tip three years ago and I figure I want to cash that in

that one pound tip I gave you I think it's she said what I said nothing she said I said you can introduce me I said to her your friend I said no fuck off so that was it that was that gone I can't you mean to swear then sorry but I did I said no I said I want you from yourself I'm not gonna you feel I am it is pimp no go away so yeah introduce me to your friend go away no no I'm not I said no didn't stop her though she just joined

the queue of women waiting to waiting to meet him he was a little bit like that it's annoying I mean what was weird is the women the women the ladies the females were blatant as well they were friends of each other but they were still texting him he should show me the text is to text even though they were friends with each other even though one of them was actually dating him officially her friends would be texting him trying to get him to come out with them I said he'd show me the text is they'd

be begging him literally is like I can't believe it I've never seen anything like it literally begging him by text I'll do anything you want come out with me tonight right stuff like what it sounds like lies it sounds something that like someone would say like he said yes sure she said that yeah of course you're gonna yep you're yeah of course you're gonna turn that washing up liquid bottle into a rocket and travel to the moon Johnny course you are that's a good boy yeah that's don't worry that just let you know don't worry

no don't know that's okay you can have the washing up liquid ball that's first fine you go to the moon you can go there when you get back we're gonna sort you out some new parents see yeah it was amazing like wow I hope none of that stuff so I've never I was never I've always been didn't mean to be but I always ended up being respectful towards women didn't want to be but I just I just ended up being that way I don't believe in this name wanted sort of take advantage of anyone really

I wanted to but I just didn't I didn't want to but you know I would have not take advantage but make the most I think it's make the most of the situation I think because it's take advantage and it's take advantage if you take advantage of a situation that's just being sensible and making the best of a moment is different from taking advantage of a person it's a different I suppose I don't know maybe it's because I was looking for love I was looking for the wrong thing we're looking in the wrong places yeah I

think that's what it was I was looking I was looking for diamonds in a slate mine that's just this is that as an analogy look in the wrong place come on sons hurry up get ready we've got a lovely day we're gonna go and watch some planes flying over for five hours in a field yeah and if it rains tough wait a minute dad what so let me get it straight we're gonna go to a field in the middle of nowhere with thousands of other people in the car and then we're gonna go and sit

on the grass and planes are gonna drive go over us is that right yes son that's right so basically we're gonna spend a day at the airport is that what you're saying no no not at all well there is some similarities don't you think possibly maybe a few similarities and what's the differences in Papa well first of all the planes that go to the airport are very new well pretty new and well conditioned and they always land properly and you know the land safely all the time and they're very safe let me backtrack you there

daddykins so you're telling me that the difference between us sitting in the field and sitting in airport is that the planes going over us I'm not gonna be safe or new yeah but that's part of the fun what's part of the fun dadada well they're old planes that's trying to see them do loop the loop and the engine cutting out and and they have to parachute out and okay let me just stop you there daddy so they parachute out that's good they're safe they're safe okay that's good that they're safe so what about the plane

what happens to the plane I mean does it land itself does it fly into space does it turn into a mushroom what does the plane do daddy well the planes gonna crash hmm is it gonna crash in the clouds is it gonna float up or is that what's gonna happen no it's gonna crash into the ground into the ground mm-hmm okay mm-hmm let's continue down this line mm-hmm into the ground yeah mm-hmm where are we gonna be daddy we're gonna be on the ground oh you sure we're not gonna be in the flood in the

sky in the clouds mm-hmm hey hey mm-hmm are you sure sure we're not gonna be in the clouds no we're definitely gonna be on the ground oh I see hmm so can you see where I'm going here daddy yeah I can so hmm what's what you got to say about that then well son what I've got to say is this I'm a very fast runner much faster than you or your two brothers or your mum each man for themselves and you're fully insured good luck oh lovely so that's when you know obviously I started at

tiny shoelaces together so it'd be they're all cocky or I can get out of the way of the plane crashes little knowing that he wouldn't be able to because he'd be tripping up over his own feet evil time Lord that's me see I've covered most things today that's good so I'm gonna go thank you for listening thank you for listening remember to be kind to yourself if you can't be kind to yourself then make yourself a lovely hot dog meal mm-hmm a hot dog meal maybe some chips fries maybe some tomato ketchup hmm maybe some

baked beans maybe lovely and be really really glorious I think I might be hungry hmm it's weird though 616 in the morning I don't know if I want to have to have anything to eat to be fair maybe they're there so anyway thank you thank you everybody thank you for listed I did have another message but it's too late because everyone's probably asleep okay then my lovely beautiful people I'm gonna read hmm I'm gonna read it read that message tomorrow so have a great day remember remember to be kind to yourself because you do deserve

to be happy do something really lovely for yourself today really wonderful something special doesn't have to cost money just be nice to you lots of love