#681 Let me bore you to sleep - I ONLY ATTRACT 90 YEAR OLDS - Jason Newland (30th June 2021)

Hello, welcome to jasonnewland.com. My name's Jason Newland and this is Let Me Bore You to Sleep. Please only listen when you can safely close your eyes. Oh yeah, if you would like to support this free service please go to paypal.me forward slash Jason Newland.

The link is on my website as well as many many many many many recordings that you can listen to stream free or download for free. Go check it out. So this is Wednesday the 30th of June 2021.

Hello, it's been raining today, raining. Not that it affected me so far because I ain't been out or been indoors all the time. Yeah, all the time.

So, had quite a busy day actually. I've already made two recordings but the first one was blimey, I know six, no, five o'clock, five o'clock this morning or something silly like that, half five. And the next one I finished about 10, 11, I don't know, it takes ages.

It's not just recording them, it's all the editing which isn't that long but the uploading part takes forever man. It really is a chore. Well not a chore but it's time, you know, I could get a lot more done if I didn't have to upload them then no one would ever listen to them because they wouldn't be available anyway.

It's like having a restaurant isn't it? I just, I just, just get so much more done if I had no customers. I'd be able to give so many more meals away if I didn't have to cook them. Raw food, yeah, yum, yum, yum, yum.

I was born on a wandering star, not a lot happening at the moment. But notice one thing, I, I've been talking in my sleep since I got back from my dare I call it a holiday but you know the time away. I'm just talking in my sleep and I'm waking up and I can just continue.

I'm just, it's weird, very weird. You know, I'm actually having a conversation in my sleep and I'm talking out loud and I wonder how often do I do that? Very unusual. Unusual.

I'm not really sure what to talk about today. I could talk about my holiday but don't know, not sure. Oh, I'll tell you what I did do.

I spoke to a man two days ago about some ferrets that are going to be available in two weeks time and I'm not sure what to do. There's a part of me would like to get one or maybe even two. But there's another part of me would like not to just, you know, to not do that.

Partly because, well, you know, obviously I can't replace Andre. The bit in a way it would seem like I kind of was replacing him in a way and I don't want to do that and especially if the ferrets act very similar to Andre because I liked in my, in my mind, I like to think that he was unique in the way that he was doing things. But, you know, some of the stuff he did was just the same as any other ferret.

But I just, I don't know, there was a closeness with us. There was a communication that I had with him and I don't know. I don't know a lot do I today.

I don't, just don't know. But there is a real need as I'm progressing forward to look at traveling, but this time properly. You know, I traveled, but the traveler was 10 hours just to get to another part of this country.

And I don't ever plan to travel that far in one go again, if I can help it. So even if I was going to be getting a, let's say I'm able to book a cruise, but the cruise takes off from Liverpool, which is a long way from where I live. What I would do is I'd perhaps travel half the way and have a, you know, book a hotel.

So maybe spread the journey over two days instead of one, and book a hotel. And so I'm only traveling for a couple of hours, or three hours or something, which is manageable. But doing like eight, seven, eight, 10 hours, nah, no, no, no, no, no, no.

So I think I'd have to be a bit more planny. With that stuff. Stay in, you know, some cheap bed and breakfast or hotel thingy place where, you know, it just cuts down the traveling.

So that's what I'd probably do in the future. But I just don't know what I'm going to do. So my main target is to get out of debt by the end of the year.

That's my main thing. Because only then will I be able to really see what the future is going to hold in the short term, you know, the next year or so. I can get an idea, just need to get out of debt first.

I've already paid something off yesterday, one of the items I need to pay off. So that's good. That's a big thing off the list.

So that's paid. And then I'll do it again at the end of next, at the end of next month, and at the end of the following month and do that until the end of the year. And hopefully, if I can do it correctly, everything will be sorted.

Everything will be paid off, including the iPad and the the phone. I've still got 1500 pound to pay off for the iPad. It's ridiculous.

I didn't realize the interest was that high, or the amount that I was charging on top was that high, because an iPad Pro does not cost that much money. I'm basically paying the same amount as I would pay for a MacBook. That's ridiculous, baby.

So I'll pay that off. Won't be the first thing. The next thing to pay off is the camera.

What? The one you never use? I will be using it, don't worry. I've got everything planned. I'm going to start making videos.

I'll start working on my YouTube channel next month, which is tomorrow. There's lots to do. So the next, yeah, the end of July, I'll pay off.

So I paid off a fair bit of it anyway, but I'll pay off all of that. That'll be sorted. And then the following month.

Yeah, the following two months, and I'll pay off the MacBook. MacBook. What's that? August, September.

Then October, pay off the iPad. November, pay off the phone. December, it'll just be the catalog.

And a couple of credit cards. But I'll be paying them off as I go along as well. Anyway, so then every, every time I get any money, I pay money off onto the credit card.

It's quite a handy thing to pay off because it means you've always got a bit of money in an emergency. So I've got two credit cards. I've only got a little bit, only 500 pound each on them.

Well, they used to when I first got them. So once that's done, then I've got a couple of grand on the catalog. So I'm hoping I better get it all done by the end of the year.

It might be a tight Christmas. I might be eating bread and butter. But I don't mind if it means that I'm debt free.

Yeah, it's, I've got everything I need really, equipment wise. There's all this stuff that's useful to improve, but I've got enough. I don't need anything else right now.

I think I've got enough, or maybe a traveling microphone. I don't mean like one that's got a little guitar. And a little suitcase, I don't know, not that kind of traveling, but a really, really, really good microphone that fits into the iPhone.

I do believe such a thing exists. And I mean a really good one, not, I mean, I've got one, and it did the job. It weren't the quality that I wanted.

But it was okay. But I think there are better ones. However, based on my experience away, editing, I think it's more to do with my eyesight than anything else.

Can't really edit on a phone. I can, the same app as I use on the iPad at the moment. But the iPad screen is bigger, I need a bigger screen.

So if I was going to be using a microphone, really need something that I can plug into the iPad. Something like the equivalent of what would be in the phone, but with the iPad, like a really good mic for traveling. So really good, but small and light.

So I'm going to look into that. But I'm not going to buy one or even get one or buy my mom, I don't even look into it until all the other stuff sorted first. Technically, I could probably, if I did things properly, I could take this microphone with me, with the stand, and just set it up wherever I am.

And it's this very possible, I'd have to look at some kind of a protection cover thing for the mic. You know, protect this so that it didn't get bashed because I don't want to ruin this mic, it's expensive. But I could probably really fit most of my equipment into one little bag.

Well, I could, there's not, there's not a lot of stuff. You know, I could take this, the camera, the laptop, the iPad, the, you know, the bits and bobs I need, and fit it into a little case. So, you know, as long as everything's packed well and protected, nothing else really matters.

As long as the microphone and the camera is all in a protected hard case. And maybe get a suitcase that's also got a hardened case, you know, around it to protect the contents. Yeah, should be all right.

So I'll look into that. Maybe begin next year. Because I'm not going anywhere now, I won't be going anywhere for the rest of this year.

No holidays booked. I mean, I've had one holiday. Yeah, going away, that was the first holiday since 2004.

So based on that, the next one will be when I'm about 70. Crazy, isn't it? I'm like 70, I'm literally, I'll be 67 my next one. If I go, you know, every 17 years, 67.

So yeah, I'm not gonna hopefully not wait that long. But definitely not going anywhere this year. I'm going to work hard with this stuff.

I'm going to do, I'm going to really start to get into the Adobe software and learn more about that, how to use that. And there is a bit of fear in me, I've got a little bit of an allergy to using it and learning something new. Because I've kind of got my head around what I already use.

But that took a while to learn. I mean, this iPad, iPad Pro, whatever, I didn't like it when I got it. Honestly, I just, I mean, it was like an expensive Frisbee for me.

I couldn't see the point. What have I got this for? I did have buyer's remorse. I did.

But then after learning to use it, and learning, and I still probably only know probably 5%, 10% of what I can do on it. Maybe 5%, you know, but it is specifically the stuff that I do. But there's so much you can do on an iPad that I don't do.

Different apps you can use and learn and I'm not bothered with that. I haven't bothered with hardly any of that stuff. I've pretty much just focused on the editing.

And I use it online searching for stuff and uploading and you know, YouTube and things like that. Although most of the YouTube videos I watch on my telly because it's big. It's a lot bigger than my screen on my iPad.

So yeah. So really, once I get, once I actually open the MacBook, properly, and I've also used it, but hardly at all, since I got it a couple of months back, hardly touched the thing because the main reason I got it is so that I could use it for editing images, videos and audio. Couldn't, can't, I can't use the software on the iPad the way I can on, you know, just just doesn't work the same.

So I have been using audio software. It's a different type of software that I paid for on the iPad. And I've been using Canva to make my images.

And as I make images for every single recording I do now, I've started to kind of have a different mindset about the images, looking for new ways of doing things, which I never really was interested in before. Sometimes, you know, it can be a bit of fun putting an image together, because it might look like just an image, but it's a mixture of different images, all put together into a sort of one. Yeah, I quite like that.

So I might find the Adobe Photoshop, or image maker, whatever, to actually be a bit of fun to play with. And I'd really like to, or I'm going to, I'd like to become very competent in both video editing and audio editing. Audio editing more importantly, really, in a sense of, you know, for the podcasts.

But I'd like to just sort of know what I'm doing. I mean, I've been editing for what, 15 years? I say that, I hardly edited at all for a long time. But I still, you know, have been doing a little bit.

The editing's a lot more now than I ever used to. But video editing, I used to be able to do stuff like animation and sort of, you know, there's a few videos I've got from the past. And it is quite nice.

It's got an intro, it's even got intro music, a special intro video, as I said, some animation, some, you know, it's edited really well. Well, for me. And I did edit videos for years, using the Windows editing, Windows Video Editor.

And then I just stopped. And the Windows Video Editor doesn't really exist anymore. So I'm going to try to learn Premiere Plus.

And I do, I have used Premiere Plus a little bit. I know a little bit how to use it, the basics. But it's going to take a while, it's going to take a while to get my head around it, to know what to do.

And ultimately, it's just repetition, isn't it? Like with the audio editing, I'm doing the same thing every single time. With, you know, 100 recordings a month, plus. So ultimately, I'm getting used to it.

I get used to it repetition wise, making the images is quicker. Uploading is, you know, all the stuff that goes into it, it's just, I'm doing it all the time. So I'm hoping, hoping, hoping, hope, hope, that once I start using the Adobe software package, regularly, it will just become second nature.

And I'll just get used to it. And it'll be easy. That's, that is what I'm hoping.

And I reckon, I reckon, if I can get to the point where all of, yeah, just get to the point, please. I wonder if I'll ever get to the point. No, I shan't.

I wonder if I'd like to get to the point where every recording I make is videoed. And once I get to that position, the YouTube channel will take off. I'm pretty certain of it.

Because there'll be content and based, I don't know, pretty, pretty okay content, I think. Because if people are listening on podcasts and coming back, then there's no reason why I shouldn't have a YouTube audience, because I used to. And I've still got some of those people from the past, who watch my videos, even if it's just a Jason Chats video.

People watch it. Not many, but a few. So starting that tomorrow, July, at least looking at YouTube and looking at what I can do, maybe just making videos to start with, with animation and background and stuff, video, but not my face and put, you know, take the audio and put it onto the video.

So if I did that, for maybe even a few hundred videos, I could just go through the podcasts. So just the up-to-date stuff, the ones from the last three years. So upload all of the, I'm trying to think, what could there be? What could I update? What could I upload? The, okay, Let Me Boy To Sleep podcasts and have them with, you know, a swirling image or some kind of animation and just upload all of them onto YouTube into, you know, a category or whatever they call them on YouTube.

And maybe do that for all of the podcasts I have. And then perhaps look at making some videos of me, you know, on camera. So perhaps I could do that, see if people are going to listen to them or watch them, even though they won't have me on the video.

But some of the most popular hypnosis stuff is just, you know, video footage of sandy beaches or forests, or just a swirling spiral or something like that. And some of those get millions of views. So perhaps that is something that I could do myself.

I've done it before, and maybe just have that as, you know, each individual podcast, a separate kind of video idea, and then grow it from there. And if I have all of the Let Me Boy To Sleep recordings, you know, in order, then people can come and watch them, or listen to them, you know, old, old videos, old recordings, whatever. And at least then, when they listen to the new stuff, if they want to listen to some of the older things, they can.

Rather than someone come into my channel, and see number 681, which I think this is, they might think, well, where's the other 600? Where are they? Where have they gone? Surely didn't start number hunt 681. That's just weird. So then they can have a little listen.

And go through some of the older videos and see if it's, you know, something they want to listen to. Yeah. Yeah, man.

I don't know, just it's all just an idea at the moment. I started to do some videos and started to work a little bit on YouTube a couple of months back, and the audience did grow. The video views did grow, you know, but I haven't done anything really hardly all apart from upload a couple of videos from the Jason chats.

And that's about it. So my consistency with YouTube is zero at the moment. I mean, compared to my consistency with the podcasts.

I mean, wow. That's one thing no one can. No one can say that I'm not consistent.

Very, very regular. And even last week when I was away, I still managed to make a couple of podcasts. I think I did three tonight.

Yeah, I think I did do three, three, let me boy to sleeps to the more about half hour each and the other one was about an hour. I'm pretty sure. Don't quote me on that.

And since I've been back, back, back, I've done, I've lost track of how many I've done. But I've done stuff every day. Since I got back Saturday.

I'll be honest, I don't think I did anything on Saturday. And I'm not sure if I did anything on Sunday. But definitely did.

No, I did do stuff. So no, what is it now Wednesday, I did stuff Monday, did stuff Tuesday, did stuff Wednesday, which is today. Sure, if I did anything on Sunday, I can't remember.

I'd have to look at my I'd have to look at the actual podcasts. To see that it's blooming fly, the fly still here. I'd say it was really weird.

I was doing a recording earlier. All I could hear was buzzing, like proper buzzing. Like like, you know, echoey, more than one buzzy thing.

So I think we may have something up in the loft, which is buzzing. Maybe years ago when I lived when I first Yeah, was it either nine in 2006 or 2007. I was sitting on my desk in my bedroom.

And I think I was making a video. Hypnosis video, something like that. And suddenly this big thing landed on my right shoulder.

I mean, proper lump just banged on my shoulder. I looked at it. And it was a hornet.

And when hornets are big, they'd be big, a lot bigger than bees or wasps. They're just like huge. Um, so I thought, okay, so I got hold of it.

I chucked it out of the window. Let it free. I thought, where did it come from? And I saw there was a hole in my ceiling.

So they'd actually made their way into my bedroom from the loft through the hole in my ceiling. Or they'd made a hole. I'm not sure how they go about it.

I mean, I didn't hear any digging or drilling. They did it somehow. And that was really strange because I've never been that close to say something that scared me.

It didn't. It's just so big. It's just, it's like, wow.

Honestly, I thought it was a bat. I did not. I'm not lying.

I would never lie to you. You mean too much to me. I would never lie.

I don't know if you know that Disney have, they bought, I don't know if it's they bought the studios that make Marvel and also make the Star Wars films now. And I like the movies, the Marvel movies, I really do. Now, that's a bit of an echo there.

Now, they've made three Marvel TV shows. And I'm beginning to get the idea that that they're almost dumbing down a bit, aiming for a younger audience, like for a Disney audience, the happy, clappy kind of, you know, that Disney experience where nothing bad ever happens really, you know. And it's hard to have that when you've got superheroes fighting each other and stuff.

So, but in the TV shows they made, they, Disney seems to have really been rubbing off, rubbing itself off over it, over, no, that sounds wrong. It seems to have been touching, touching itself unnecessarily. No, again, that sounds wrong.

Having its hand in the pie. No, I don't know. If being influential, the kind, you know, like the, the, the Disney little kiddies mentality of Disney, that kind of, little kiddies, I don't know how to explain it, but very gentle.

I suppose family entertainment would probably be the right word. Not a massive fan of family entertainment. I quite like adult entertainment.

And by that, I don't mean, I don't know what that was. You know, I don't mean anything naughty, just, just for adults. And it's weird now, I don't get it really.

You know, you're getting old when things start to just don't make sense anymore. Okay. There's stuff now on the telly, sometimes in the morning, that would never been shown, wouldn't be shown until about nine o'clock in the evening.

When I was a kid, things like the Sweeney, the Sweeney was adult. It was for adults. I wasn't allowed to watch the Sweeney.

Now it's on in the morning. Minder is another one. The Professionals, another one.

And probably TV shows that maybe some people listening to this will never have heard of. If you're from another country, you might not know these programs because they're very British, but I don't know, they may have been played in other countries. They're really popular here.

And, and if you're young, if you're under the age of 30, you may never have heard of these programs, unless you watched them. You know, now, I don't mean watch it now. It's not a command.

Watch it now. But you know, you might watch it on TV, you know, because on these, these programs run every day. But when I was a kid, I couldn't watch them.

I have to, I wasn't allowed to stay up. Professionals, I can't, I would get to see the Professionals because it was on Saturday and I was allowed to stay up till about 10 o'clock on a Saturday. And I think the Professionals came on at nine.

So I was okay. But the watershed was nine o'clock in, in England, I think, back then. I think it still is.

Let me have a little drink. Glorious. So what else? Yeah, I've noticed that movies that would have been in 18, and now are 15.

So movies that would have been 18, 10 years ago, would rarely get to 18 now. So if there's violence and bad language, bad language, but if there's bad language and violence, it'll be 15 now. But nudity, that's something which will push something to be in 18.

And I find that very strange, that the censorship of that. So it's okay for a 15 year old child, because a 15, still officially a child, can watch someone being massacred, basically, but not allowed to see a nipple, a female nipple. What I've seen that go into that, or a nipple, a female nipple, seems to fit into a song.

See, that is something that would make it an 18. Which is weird, because the only, really, the only people that are really going to get the biggest buzz or enjoyment out of seeing a female nipple is going to be a 15 year old anyway. Because once you get to adulthood, it's not that big a deal.

You know, you don't, you're not, you're not dependent upon a movie, or a DVD or whatever, in order to see stuff like that. I'll leave it in the secret. It's available other places.

Yep. Oh, the other day, on the way back from Cornwall, I was standing outside the car with the doggie, or the dog was in the car, for a little bit, and I was just waiting. I didn't want to go in there.

It's too busy into this, this place where you go. I still forget what they call them. But you know, you go there, and you're just sitting there, and it's got food, places you can buy food, get petrol, toilets, all that stuff.

There's a name for them, and I forget what it is. Anyway, I got really angry. Okay, I don't know what your, what your opinion is on this, but I saw a lady, okay, in public, right? Breastfeeding.

She had a, she was breastfeeding in public. Now, I don't know what your opinion is, but I got very, very, very angry. Okay.

You want to know why? She had her back to me. I was so, I've never been so angry. So annoying.

I went into a coffee place, and they actually invite women to come in with their babies and breastfeed, this coffee place, which I think is brilliant. But it's just so much choice. I don't know where to put my eyes.

In the end, I just have to put my eyes in me, in my pocket. Because I just feel I'm just going to, just like, it's hard not to look. But if I, right, if I went into a coffee place, and flop one of my boobies, one of my big hairy, smelly boobies out, you would look.

Okay, don't say you wouldn't, because you would, you would. Oh, yes. Oh, yes.

Oh, yes, you. Yes, you would. Yes, you would.

You naughty boy. You know you would. You're gonna look.

It's not because you're, it's just, I think it'd be a mixture of fascination and disbelief. But you'd look. Oh, that's where the smells coming from.

Oh, by the way, I'm single if anyone's interested. I'd like to just add that in every, every recording if you, you know what I had, I'm on Facebook dating. I just don't really, not involved in it.

But it's just, I just added it because Facebook asked me if I wanted to, a few months back, and I do, and every now and then they send me someone that likes me. And they did. It was like a 59 year old lady.

That's who I'm attracting. Women a decade older than me. And that is the average age of who likes me.

Women in their 60s, which is fine. Got no issue. As long as I don't have to date them, I'm fine.

It's just, I know it doesn't do my self esteem much good. It's different here because you get to know me and that's a different thing. You know, I'm just talking about someone seeing me, seeing my picture, not knowing anything about me, and wanting to contact me based on that.

I generally don't get anyone other than people in their late 50s and above. I had someone, 82 year old. I mean, to be fair, she was a great kisser, but it's just, you know, come on.

I'm not that bad. I don't know, maybe my pictures are just really awful. I don't take a good picture.

I don't. Perhaps I should start posting pictures of myself on there. Oh, maybe, baby.

Maybe, baby, I have you. The thing is, you know, it's part of me doesn't really care about dating or anything, but there's a part of me that would quite like to, you know, you know, it's just, I think it's the lovey dovey thing. I don't, I don't know if I've got it in me anymore to do that, but the reality is, it doesn't make any difference if you've got it or not.

If you fall for someone, you fall for them, don't you? That's the best. It's not something you could turn on or off at will, I don't think. Maybe some people have control over that.

But if you meet someone and you really like them, you know, whether it's a friend or just like anyone, if you meet someone you get on with, you get on with them, don't you? And if you meet someone you have romantic feelings for, it's out of your control. You don't choose to have romantic feelings. It just happens naturally.

I don't know how it happens with older people because, you know, I've got no hormones left. I haven't been producing testosterone for probably 20 years. All I produce is a weird musty smell.

And it's not even moist anymore. It's more mold, moldy. But yeah, I am single if anyone's interested.

Get in touch. Yeah, there's a dampness, a bit like a damp dog, but without the dog smell. Yeah, like that just, hmm, maybe washing just out of a washing machine.

I smell like a washing machine. I smell like a washing machine. Damn it.

There's worse things to smell like. Stop judging me. Stop it.

Stop it. Leave me alone. I am.

So how do people attract each other then? Because once the hormones stop and no testosterone, no estrogen is really being produced so that that invisible smell is not being produced to attract the opposite sex or the same sex, however, you know, whatever, however it works. If that's not being produced anymore, then what is attractiveness? Because ultimately, when we're, you know, when you've got a fresh, fresh male and a fresh woman, like I say fresh, like young and all the hormones are fully blooming and they're basically spraying at each other like cats on heat. And all of that stuff that we don't know is happening, all those smells, I mean, they're basically grabbing the attention of the other person without them knowing.

So they have no control about how they feel. They want to get with that person and they don't have control over it. They have control over what they do, but they don't have control over what they want to do.

And so they kind of, they might be, it's like want to be near that person and want to talk to them or something. So, how does it work for older people when everything, everything's all dried up? I don't know. I mean, I'm basically, I'm basically walking concrete.

I'm so dried up. I've got no moist in my body. There's no, there's no more, my bladder, that's it.

My veins, my veins are just dust. I don't know. I just, apparently that's, that's supposed to be really important.

You know, the unconscious stuff that goes on, the chemicals that are being produced when we're attracted to somebody. So, how does it work if those chemicals are not produced? I need help with this one. Somebody help me.

Somebody, somebody help me. I need some help now. Surprise, surprise.

I'm not going to understand, I guess some people want to get together for companionship. I've never felt that way really. Although I imagine there's benefits to it.

I suppose, I don't know. I just, I guess there must be. That's the thing, isn't it? That's, that's the test.

If you, for me, if I meet someone that after an hour I still want to actually be in their company, then that's a good test that maybe there's a possibility of, there may be something there. And it's like, what do you mean an hour? How rude. Well, you can't spend an hour with someone.

It's not that. Well, the answer is no, I can't. But it's, it's, I'm just, I'm used to just living my own life.

I'm used to doing my own thing when I want, when I want. And I don't, I don't have to think about other people day to day. And I quite like that.

I like being able to sit here at one o'clock in the afternoon making this recording and not be in a supermarket or not be doing stuff for someone else. Although I am doing something for someone else because this is for whoever listens to it. The four and a half people that listen.

That's what this is for. Yes, it is. It really is.

But I had a real taste of a very demanding person over the last week. So demanding. And that has put me back about 10 years, I think.

I used to date her 15 years ago and she's a friend now. But seeing her in action put me off a relationship. Because, oh man, that would just be a nightmare, a living nightmare for me.

And I guess maybe it was a bit at the time when I was with her. We used to argue all the time outside of the house. Inside of the house, we got on really well.

Outside of the house, arguments. And it was her causing arguments and picking and picking and picking just for her own amusement, basically. Just amusing herself.

And she still does it but on a much bigger scale than she did before. It is really hard work. But I'm not going to say anything bad about her.

Unless that was bad. I didn't mean it badly, just factually. I mean, if I was going to go all in, blimey, I'd spend the next 10 hours talking about her.

But I'm not going to. Because she did, you know, she gave me a holiday. Well, she offered me to go on holiday.

It wasn't a holiday. It was more stressful than being here. And due to the dynamics of the relationships and constant bickering and wanting to be right and picking arguments and just, it was, it was, it was just non-stop.

And I kind of, I was stuck there. I had to put up with it. Even though I kind of didn't a little bit, but I had to, I had to just put up with it for a whole week.

Which is weird because she can be so lovely. And usually she is nice to me. That's weird.

That's why I didn't get it really. Normally she's nice to me on the phone. I think it's one of the things, if you don't see someone very often and it's mainly a phone relationship, friendship, you can't really get away with being an arsey to them because they're just going to put the phone down or not answer the phone next time you call.

So you have to really be quite nice to the person because she can't just knock on my door. I can't knock on her door because she lives a different place. So I guess there's learning to be had from everyone involved, including me.

I think what I learned is I can't go on holiday with another person and stay with them. I can't visit anyone and stay with them. I just can't do it.

I need my own space. I really do. Because I was going to bed at like eight, nine o'clock in the evening.

I feel like I wasted a week of my life. And it wasn't a holiday either. It was a business trip for them.

In reality, you know, mixing that with a holiday, getting away. But it was sitting in in the evening, watching telly, then going to bed at nine. For me, that's old age.

That's being in a retirement home, a residential home. That's the lifestyle. And I don't want that lifestyle of sitting in a chair, a bunch of other people watching telly until nine o'clock and then going to bed.

I didn't like it when I was a kid. I don't like it now. I want to do my own thing.

There was nothing to do. There was nothing for me to do. I just laid in bed, just blankly just staring at the wall.

I couldn't watch what I wanted on telly. Although I didn't really watch telly much, but I wouldn't have watched what they were watching. There's no internet, so I couldn't watch Netflix.

I could have done it on my iPad. I could have watched any of the stuff, all the streaming stuff. This screen's too small for me, really.

I'm used to a really big screen to watch stuff on, which suits my eyes better. Going to bed. Going to bed through boredom.

I don't do that here. I'm not bored. I don't get bored because I've always got... Well, it's okay.

Sometimes I do get a bit... But it's really rare. I think it's not boredom, it's frustration of maybe doing the same thing. It can get frustrating sometimes, repetitive.

I've always got something to do. Always. I've never run out of stuff to do.

I've got lots of books to read if I want to read. I've got an infinite amount of stuff to watch on telly, streaming, all the different streaming things, watch boxing. I've got all of this stuff to do, making recordings, editing.

It's always work to be done on a website. Always. Always work to be done on a podcast site as well.

Updating things, making images, putting in information about the music that's on the background and stuff. Other than that, there's always cleaning that I can do. There's always cleaning to be done in a flat.

There's never a shortage of things to do here. And I quite like that. But at the same time, I do relax.

Last night, I sat in the chair and after having something to eat, I think I listened to some music. And I just went to sleep. I fell asleep for about an hour.

It was beautiful. It was a beautiful thing. It really was.

And then I got up and I did some work. Sometimes I go lay down for a couple of hours and I get up and I do some work. So I just, there's always things to do.

In fact, there's not enough time in the day really for what I need. I'd love to read more. I'd love to maybe do a bit more exercise.

I think the exercise is something that I'm going to need to do. I did a diabetic test the other day and I got 8.4. It's an acu-check machine that my friend's mom, who's diabetic, she was testing herself. She came in about 6.3. I came in at 8.4 and she's diabetic.

My other two friends came in about 5. So I might have to get myself checked out, but I don't seem to be in much of a hurry to do so. Isn't it weird? I don't get it. It's almost like, almost like I don't care.

I mean, one thing, I'm not injecting myself, but if I had to inject myself, then I'd be ill now. If I was at that level of diabetic, I'd be ill. Probably hospitalised, because you can't walk around without your pancreas working.

You know, without, you can't just live a normal life. So I know that I'm not that level. If I am diabetic, it's either tablets or diet controlled, it'll have to be.

And part of me is a little bit scared of, well, I don't want, I don't want tablets. But diet controlled is just, what about my coke? Well, that's why you got to play diabetes. What are you talking about with your coke? Yeah, I like drinking coke.

Sorry. I'm not sorry, but I do drink Coca Cola. I do.

And to not be able to drink it anymore would be weird. Just go back to drinking water. Oh no, bread and butter and water.

You know, it's weird though. Bread and butter, it's horror, it's just ugh. But sometimes bread is the most amazing thing in the world.

If it's freshly baked. And rolls in a restaurant. Sometimes the rolls is the best part of the meal.

I'll eat like 10 rolls and be full up before the meal gets there. But if you stuck the same rolls in my cupboard, cold, I wouldn't go near them. I might go near them, but it wouldn't be the same.

Just these warm rolls, fresh rolls with butter. Oh, beautiful, isn't it? Don't you think? Anyway, that's enough for me. I shall be back again tomorrow.

I'm thinking about doing another podcast, but like, seriously boring. Seriously boring. I did a version of that when I talked about bottled water or water bottles.

And it's very hard for me to do because it's so boring. But it's guaranteed to send you to sleep. It's just not entertaining.

It's really boring. But I'm thinking of doing a new podcast with that. For those lovers of hardcore boring.

So I'm going to go. Thank you for listening. Remember to be kind to yourself.

Because you deserve to be happy. Lots of love. Bye.