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Hello, welcome to jasonnewland.com, my name is Jason Newland and this is Let Me Bore You to Sleep, sleep, go to sleep. Please only listen when you can safely close your eyes. So I hope you're well, etc.
Just going to have a drink of Coca-Cola, just had a bowel movement, in case you're wondering. You try and find a podcast that starts with that. So what did he say in his latest podcast? The first thing he mentioned was a bowel movement.
Typical Jason. OK, so, we'll talk about PayPal just for a couple of seconds. And the best put down that I've seen, that someone's written me.
It was a put down like no other, but at the same time, coked in, cloaked in, I don't know. But anyway, I put a message on Facebook saying, give me your bloody money. Or maybe, oh, perhaps it wasn't that harsh.
No, it wasn't. It was, let me read it to you. Dear podcast listeners, please can you help me with my monthly podcast payment of $120 or £92.
Thank you, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss. So I've had two people like it. So two people have actually read it, maybe.
Got this one message, got a message here from, I won't read the name in person, I don't know if it's a man or woman. But dear Jason and Newland, if it is above your budget, you can post them on free platforms like YouTube. Your loyal listeners will follow you wherever you go.
Love heart, love you. What a great put down. Cloaked in, I love you.
Your loving listeners will follow you. If this is above your budget, that bit, if this is above your budget, go try it. Like I don't know about YouTube.
And I was like an invisible assassin. Just like, I understand some people think, well, it sounds all right to me. Yeah, it's because you, you know, I guess you need to be good at put downs.
You need to understand put downs. I'm good at put downs. I don't do it anymore.
But I used to, I used to be quite hard to believe, but I used to be quite good at put downs. Only, only in, not in a bullying way, but in a, I guess, self-defense way, I suppose. So if someone targeted me or a friend of mine, then I'd rip into them and I'd make them look stupid.
Very easily. Probably more so if they picked on a friend. I just don't, I don't like bullies basically.
Especially people who either can't or won't defend themselves. Because I know some people can, but they just choose not to. So in a way, it's kind of their own problem then, isn't it? If they choose not to, if they can, leaving it out to someone else means that they're plain victim.
But yeah, whatever the reason. It's, it keeps them out of it, doesn't it? So that all the aggression and activity goes on around them. They could actually end up being like the common denominator when it comes to problems.
I've known someone like that and he would have people arguing around him, about him. So he'd do things where he'd say something. And like in the house we lived in, someone would sort of say, Oh, what are you doing that for? And then someone else would come to his defense.
Because everyone loved him, because he was lovely. But he was annoying at times. So there'd be arguments and he'd say nothing.
He'd just stand back and smile. And these two people would fall out over it. And he was friends with both of them.
Afterwards. Before and afterwards. So I don't know, I think there's, there's a manipulation there.
But this isn't about that. I've gone in a different direction. People deserve to be bullied.
That's not where I'm going, no. So, put downs. I was quite lucky at school.
When it comes to bullies and stuff. Because I didn't get bullied. I had a few people try it, of course.
I was just lucky. I didn't, I think there's a benefit comes from having older brothers. And having lived the lifestyle, the life that I'd lived.
I wasn't scared of kids. I was scared of adults. But I wasn't, I didn't fear other kids.
You know, just, just didn't. Generally, I'm not saying there was no kids. I mean, there was a few kids at school that I didn't, that I was very wary of.
But, I'm talking about fear, like real. And I think any fear I had grew as I got older. When I was younger, it was a tough little thing.
But as I got older, I got to become more of a wimp. Very wimpy. To the point of now, where I'm just, I'm scared of my own farts.
Mind you, there's a reason. They're terrible. So I was very lucky and very fortunate.
But then it's not like I hadn't been bullied. I had, when I was younger, I'd been bullied by adults. But, the thing is, if you, when you live in a children's home, especially if the adults are being horrible, the kids kind of stick together.
There's not really any point in bullying each other. And as I had my two older brothers living with me in the children's home, this was when I was young, no one was going to touch me. Because they were a lot older, they were bigger.
And there was no one older than them in the children's home. If that makes sense. My oldest brother was 11 when we left.
I was 7. So, there was no one there older than 11, I don't think. And he was a big, big, well they were both bigger actually, but my oldest brother was quite tall. Still is, I imagine.
He's about 6, he's got about 6'4", 6'3", 6'4", something like that. Yeah, he's a lot taller than me. Like significantly, not just, it's not just like, oh he's, you know, head and shoulders above me.
Lucky bastard. So I think that's why I kind of came to the rescue of people that were being bullied, because I didn't like it. I'd experienced it from adults, but not from other kids.
And I just, for me like, we're kids, we should be sticking together. It's us against the adults. When in reality it's not supposed to be really, is it? But that was my thinking, like, no, it's the adult, we can't do anything about the adults.
The bigger, the stronger, they've got all the power. They've got all the control, at the moment. So let's stick together, kiddie-winkies.
Let's all, you know, let's try and be nice to each other. But no, kids just don't, there's something really weird with brain development. You know, in just things that I've, just like we all have, the things that I've seen, the things that I've done when I was younger, and I think back and like, wow.
Why did I do that? That was just horrible. And I don't mean anything like horrible, horrible, but just, that was mean. That was just uncalled for.
And I caused a kid to break his collarbone when I was at school. I didn't mean, it was an accident, actually. But everyone was jumping over the tennis net, and I pulled the tennis net up, so it was higher when he jumped.
Technically, it wasn't my fault then, I suppose, wasn't it? If you think about it that way. But I just thought he'd fall on his face, I thought he'd fall over and we'd all laugh at him, which is exactly what did happen. But he actually injured himself quite badly.
But, and I did feel terrible. I decided I'm never going to do that again. Next time I'll find a different way to hurt him.
He was a bully, actually. He used to try and bully me in the first year. And so, we were kind of enemies.
And I think this was the third year that this happened, because I don't let stuff go. We just hated each other, for whatever reason, I don't know. But he picked on me in the first year, so I started chucking tables at him, which I got in trouble for.
And my parents went to the teachers' night, or whatever it is, you know, to find out about the kids and stuff. I don't know what they used to call it, what was it? Parents' night or something? Parents' evening? And they came home. This is the first year at high school, and they said, your teachers keep saying you keep chucking tables at people, and you have to be forcibly removed from other students.
I said, yeah, so? And they said, what? I said, well, they were making fun of you. Which they were. They were saying horrible things about my dad.
Not that they knew him, but it's that kind of kiddie, you know, your dad's bleh. Even though they didn't know who he was. But, so I defended his honour by chucking a desk at someone.
That seemed the right thing to do. Considering I was little, I didn't have a lot of physical advantages. And so, because everyone was bigger than me, so I had to make use of wooden objects.
I'm surprised I didn't become a carpenter. But I got in trouble. Like, but I was defending you, father.
Doesn't matter. Unacceptable behaviour. Violence and aggression.
It's not really violent. It's just had to be done. Had to shut him up.
He shut him up. Did the trick. But he was bleeding and crying.
So that did the trick. This is horrible, Jason. We only listen to this to go to sleep.
Are you talking about beating up blood and collarbones? No, the point is I wasn't bullied. That's what I'm trying to say is I nipped it in the bud. Which is, you've got to kind of do that.
But not everybody had, not everybody was able to do that. Or, you know, when I was in junior school, my best friend, Andrew, had one kidney. And I kept saying to him, like, you'd have more friends if you didn't keep telling everyone about your kidney and showing it to you.
You know what I mean? Not everyone wants to see the hole. And, but he, he was really, he was my best mate. Found out later he was a Jehovah's Witness.
I mean, at the time, I was only, what, eight years old. Eight. Yeah, when I was his best, best mates when I was eight.
I didn't know about Jehovah's Witnesses, didn't understand what that was. Didn't really understand Catholicism, even though I lived with nuns and I was a Catholic, practicing Catholic, praying every day in church for three years or whatever it was. But I didn't understand it.
I was just too young to really, well, I knew it was boring. But he, he was ill a lot of the time and I knew that he was poorly. And I, there was this kid called Mark who was a bully and he picked on my friend.
He picked on the wrong person, basically. He picked on my friend, Andrew. And he started making fun of him with his, because I think he had like a bag, like a colostomy bag or something like that.
God, this isn't a very happy story, is it? But I defended him. I like, because my friend was crying, I think. And I just, I blacked out.
And then I woke up and I was standing above this kid and he was on the floor. And I remember Andrew saying, why did you hit me? He was the one, he was the bully. I said, I had to hit someone.
Where's the desks? Where's the tables? But I, I used to be so, I don't know, aggressive then. But then, when I was like little and then I became a wimp. Complete, utter wimp.
Seriously, it's crazy. I was, it wasn't that I was walking around getting into fights, but I wasn't scared of anything. When I was, when I was little, I was, you know, I think I was about, I was about nine or ten and we went on holiday and we went to a holiday camp.
I think the family was in the like entertainment place or whatever and I just came out for a cigarette and there was this, I think I was on the swings or something. I just like have a little bit of fresh air. And this kid came up to me and he was what about 16? He was like old teenager.
Like deep voice, a lot bigger than me. And he was like, he was like trying to intimidate me and bully me. And he pulled a knife out.
I told him to F off. I said go away. He said, he pulled a knife out so I started laughing at him.
So I just, I went over to the, I think the, there was a plastic bottle on the floor. I don't know how I picked that up. Like what are you going to do with a plastic bottle? I don't know if he could see it was plastic because it was night time.
I said come on then. That was how unafraid I was. Which is weird because if that happened now I would poo my pants and I would have the, I would learn the ability to fly very quickly.
I would, I'd be gone like Superman. But then I wasn't scared at all. Zero fear.
Because he was a kid. He was getting to adults so if he'd have been a few years older I probably would have bricked it. Possibly.
But because he was little he was still a kid. He was still you know probably maybe 15, 16 ish. Wasn't scared.
I could have got into real trouble. But I genuinely didn't care. I had one person they, I was in the cafeteria and they pulled a knife out.
And I grabbed the knife and I started hitting myself in the stomach with it. I said come on then. What are you going to do? Honestly it was weird.
It was a blunt knife. It's like I couldn't you know but I was just hitting myself in the stomach. Come on.
What are you going to do? Look what I can do it myself. I can do a better job than you. Freaked him out.
Weird. Weird, weird, weird. That was last year that was.
That was a very strange young girl. Don't you mean boy? Oh I accidentally called myself a girl by accident. Okay damn it.
So yeah how did I turn into such a wimp? Such a wimp. I think what it was is moving to this little town a wimpy little town and not being around aggression anymore. We just face it it's a good thing.
Well it's still aggression but not there wasn't anything like what I was used to. And the conditioning I guess started to wear off. So my conditioning of being tough that made me tough wasn't there anymore and it started to wear off over time.
And I just became I don't know maybe not necessarily scared but I feel also because I didn't have to really do anything at school because I was I said I wasn't bullied so I didn't have to deal much with that which is good.
Also because I was in a remedial class which would be the dunces class which would now be special needs in part of my subjects in high school and because I was deaf in one ear when I was a kid and they put that down to me being behind on everything because I didn't hear I wasn't hearing what was being said in the classroom what they didn't realise is I wasn't actually listening because once my ears once I had the operation and my ears were supposed to be ok at the age of 8 still didn't listen
but the theory was due to my hearing loss or damage in one of my ears the basics of education was lost to me you know plus moving around so much in a young child I didn't really have any settled education like early years you know so plus you imagine I lived in Newcastle that must have been hard to I had I was brought up in Newcastle really from the age of two and a half I think I lived in London for a while then I went to Newcastle lived there for a few years then moved
to into a children's home in Newcastle then moved to another children's home in Southend then moved in with my dad when I was 7 so I would have there's lots of different schools so I guess there wasn't that continuity that may have been necessary and for years I just put it down to being unintelligent you know I just figured well we can't all be intelligent there's nothing wrong with you know because I knew that I had a brain I knew that I think because I always have done and I do give things a lot of
thought in fact I probably think too much I think more than I do more thinking than action in my life always has been really but so I knew a brain kind of worked in a way sort of but just not in a way that was necessarily required from society society I tell you this I tell you one this is the same bully right in junior school when I was eight this kid again he just kept coming back for more he kept trying to pick on me yet he never came out well from it and it
was weird I don't know why he just he was just a bit I don't know I don't know what it is but I'd have thought that after what happened to him he would have kept away from me but I think he just wanted to give it another go try me again well this time he caught me off guard okay and I was playing with my friends whatever and he pushed me over from behind and I think he I'm not sure if he kicked me or something and my brother my middle brother who was two years
older than me from honestly it sounds like a lie and it might be but it did actually happen my brother threw a tennis ball from to be fair it doesn't matter how far away it was it's still an amazing what he did he threw a tennis ball from quite a long way away and it hit this kid Mark in the eye right in the eye socket like you couldn't pinpoint accuracy admittedly my brother was brilliant at sports he was just really good he used to win sports days and win the races and win everything just
he was quite when he was young he was quite a thick set but he wasn't fat but he wasn't skinny so he was almost he was I guess strong I suppose maybe but he was he ended up he is slim he was slim I haven't seen him for a long time but that was amazing and that's what I missed because after this Mark he still got the ball you see he's got a ball still in there in his eyeball socket the tennis ball the the I think that's what I missed being in high school not
having my brothers it would have caused me problems I know but at the same time it would have I don't know maybe having to forge my own way was good perhaps one of the good things of being in a remedial class is most of the kids or most of the tough kids in my year were in a remedial class the toughest kid in the school was in and he was my friend so that that was useful and I ended up making friends it was weird like two of the two of the toughest kids in my
year were two of my best friends who I didn't necessarily hang out with them like out of school but I spent time with them in school if that makes sense I'd hang out with them break time I really liked them we just got on really well Stephan and Carl they were they were just they were the two toughest kids all through high school and then there was other tough kids but they were the ones that were they were adults already like Carl he was he was as big as I am in first year I'm not
joking he was a good 15 15 stone in first year and his dad was he used to deliver potatoes potatoes and the big bags of potatoes and he'd been helping his dad since he was a kid since he was little and he'd just grown up to be so strong and I don't think I knew him until I went to the high school and he was what 11 he was probably 12 nearly 12 but he was a man so he had physical advantages over everybody because he was stronger he was bigger stronger but he was so
nice he'd have a fight but he'd have a fight for fun he didn't have any he didn't have any malice in him if someone said if someone said right Carl right yeah mate right you know do you want to go and play pound against the wall you know where you chuck a pound against the wall or 50 pence against the wall and whoever gets closest wins the money if you do yeah go and do that or do you want to punch up yeah we'll do that like it didn't matter to him because he enjoyed it
it was fun he didn't I don't think I ever saw him get angry once never got angry he was always probably the cheeriest person probably one of the cheeriest people I've known he was always just seemed to be in a good mood even when he got into punch ups he just didn't it wasn't serious for him it was just you know fun so he was one of my best mates and Stefan again he was an adult he was serious brilliant I really loved him but you know there was something about him that I respected because
I used to piss him off sometimes I always do everyone but he was tall like Kyle was quite short taller than me everyone's taller than me but Kyle was couldn't have been more than about 5 I don't think he's 6 about 5'10, 5'11 probably but during school he was probably always a little bit taller than me but wide big arms as big as my legs kind of but not as long and Stefan was tall he was good, over 6 foot well over 6 foot in the early years of high school and he was a man
he was a man there was no he weren't a kid you know he had he had a deep voice and he'd gone through puberty basically by the time he got to high school he was and he was sensible as well he was lovely but he didn't take any crap but he was I don't know he was like an adult and I liked that but when we spent time together in class we used to have a good laugh and just crack up just have a really really funny time and I think that was I think I
might have been a bit of light relief for him because I think his life was fairly serious at times you know he was he was very focused on what he wanted I think and but again he liked a good punch up as well which is I actually this is terrible I used to be a money lender a money lender when I was in the first year of high school or was it second year yeah second year maybe and there was this craze people chucking coins against the wall that's what the craze was and basically whoever
gets closest to the wall wins all the other money so it could be ten people playing or just two you know it could be any amount if the more there was you had to have an adjudicator to check it sometimes it would break out in fights people would go no mine is closer that wasn't my coin mine had a bogey on it and everyone was like needed to borrow money I've run out I need to get my money back I've got no money for dinner so I started lending people money because I had part time
jobs so all the way through high school I was working at the weekends the evenings mornings whatever I always had money in fact I probably had more money then than I do now so I used to lend money to people to the other kids and I'd have a little book and I'd keep track of everyone and what they owed and I'd have interest added on I don't know 20% or something so I'd have to pay it by the end of the week and then some people started knocking me and said I'm not paying so I
thought oh ok so I I employed Stefan to collect the money because this one kid was really blatant no what are you going to do I ain't paying you nothing and so went into the toilets and he was in there and Stefan dealt with it and he did pay now afterwards Stefan didn't want to do it again nothing bad happened he just didn't hurt him or anything but it was the threat of it I think was the reason why he paid up and I didn't like it I didn't like that feeling and I don't think
it wasn't really for him either and that's when I stopped I thought nah I don't know how people do that kind of work you know the whole kind of it's ok if you lend money and people pay it back it's cushy isn't it it's smooth it's wonderful and you get your interest and you make money and you know everyone's happy but not everybody's gonna pay it back and no matter how and that's probably why I've let this local person around here who borrowed money off me and never paid it back why I've let him get
away with it is because I should remember that feeling that I felt when I collected that money off of that kid it just didn't feel nice at all and yeah it felt horrible in fact it just wasn't wasn't me and I mean you know I could have gone in a different direction if I'd have really if I'd have enjoyed that if I'd have been that way inclined you know I could have I could have ended up spending a lot of my adult life in prison but luckily I didn't like it because it's just not my
kind of thing it never has been it was weird though it's um during the I probably talked about this before during the early 80s there was a couple of films came out The Wanderers and The Warriors and the whole of the school was playing Wanderers and Warriors and having like their own make you know having like were you warrior or wanderer and had getting into punch ups and you know like pretend fights sometimes and pretending to be in gangs so I started my own gang called I think it was The Silver Eagles or something like
that and I had Carl in my gang and a few of the other naughty boys and um it got out of hand and someone had a go at us and Carl ended up on the floor with them and beating them up the next day the headmaster came on no no more gangs because it was just play before it wasn't real it wasn't people just like pretending to fight and pretending to have guns and knives and stuff like that it's not very healthy really when you think about it but it was all pretend but Carl actually
ended up getting into a fight again he was just enjoying it and they ended up with a black eye and they put a stop to the whole thing I just kept quiet about it after that I disassociated myself from it I was like I can't believe Carl did that wow when?
when was that?
yesterday lunch time blimey I must have been up in the I must have been in one of the classrooms praying or something wow I can't believe he did that in fact I was actually watching him go on Carl yay I feel what was weird in the you know very early on the dynamics of kids get sorted out very early on who's the tough kids and who's not and the tough kids pretty much rule and it depends on what they're like as people if they're bullies then it's not very nice for everyone but if luckily we
didn't have any bullies really in my year not proper bullies going around wanting to fight there was there was bullying going on of course but not if I saw it but generally it was pretty there was disagreements obviously standard stuff but everyone kind of knew where they stood quite early on and then the last year of school came and by that time nearly everybody was pretty much physically a man apart from those that were women and it was different the last two years of school was different because there was all these girls with their boobies
and the men with their testosterone and all the men were wanting to get the attention of the women the women wanted to get because they were women you know we'll call them girls but they were women and these were men physically men and there was all that hormonal stuff going on now it didn't really affect me because I wasn't really I was so far behind growth wise that I didn't really have that really going on that aggression but the aggression really increased in the last couple of years and the smells oh man the smells in
that school were awful all you could smell was testosterone and and eww and estrogen eww it was stinky it was proper teenagers stink they really do it was horrible it was sweaty and eww and that wasn't even in the gym that was just in the classroom it was like oh this is oh it's awful eww so but you get used to it you know after a few years and it was weird seeing people that were friends getting into arguments over girls people that have been friends for years suddenly hating each other because they both fancied
the same girl or girls arguing over boys it was strange like come on really and then also it was weird seeing I found like um people that I'd grown up I mean I'd been to school with them for years and years and years never seeing them with a girl and suddenly they'd get a girlfriend like probably the first girlfriend proper girlfriend they'd ever had I know that some might have had girlfriends outside of school during that period but I remember one of my girlfriends he had a girlfriend and just seeing him I remember Stefan for
example I saw him he had his girlfriend and I think it was in the last year of school I think and he was so happy I was so pleased for him because he was with this girl and he was I used to see him sometimes outside of school and because she didn't go to our school I think she was older or from somewhere else and he just seemed so happy I was so pleased for him because that's kind of what I wanted for myself but I wanted it for him as well because he was really
lovely he's a lovely bloke really and I got to know his brother as well I really got on really well with his younger brother who was a couple of years below a couple of years no a year below or was it a couple of years I think it was a year below me or was it two years below me no I think it was a year below me I think I forget but he basically Stefan we went to he remember one day Stefan said I said you right he said yeah I'm going out tonight I
said where are you going he said I'm going to karate I said oh ok he said yeah my brother goes so I'm going to go I'm just going to go to watch the and the benches were all at the sides of the gym and these were the kind of benches that you would jump over and stuff you know to do exercises so I was sitting on the nose he was next to me and it was really weird because I was there watching something that I'd longed to do since I was a little kid like martial
arts was something I wanted to do kung fu or something because you know having that picture of Bruce Lee next to me in my bedroom when I was seven really I don't know it had a subliminal effect on me I think and suddenly at 14 or yeah I think I was 14 I was there I asked my dad years earlier if I could go to a karate club and he refused he wouldn't allow me to do it which seems a bit silly maybe he was worried he was worried about my aggression he thought no I
don't want that aggression I was focused but who knows who knows why people do what they do maybe he thought he'd have to pay but I paid for myself didn't need any help with that I bought all my own equipment because I was earning yeah so I didn't need anyone's help and at this point I didn't need his help I didn't need anyone's help I didn't need anyone's help I didn't need anyone's help I didn't help I didn't need anyone's help I didn't need anyone's I anyone's help I didn't need anyone's help I didn't need
anyone's help I didn't need anyone's didn't need anyone's help I didn't anyone's help I didn't help I didn't need anyone's help I didn't need anyone's help I didn't need anyone's help I didn't need anyone's help I didn't didn't need anyone's didn't need anyone's help I didn't need anyone's help I I didn't help I didn't didn't I didn't need the second grading maybe, he got something that I never managed.
I always got a first-class pass in every grading and any martial arts I've done I've always got a first-class pass, always.
Even when I did it as an adult like six years ago, seven years ago, I got first-class passes in my gradings. He skipped a grade because he was so good. Damn him.
Damn. So it wasn't just that he was big and strong but he was just better. Like he was really really good and I don't know what happened to him.
I haven't seen him for years. I haven't seen him probably since 86, 87. So it's like 34, 35 years.
Yeah it's a long time. So the same as Stefan. I remember I knocked on Stefan's door, as I used to sometimes just to say hello and outside of school you know go in there pop in and say hi.
When I was at school, he lives on the seafront, but I knocked on his door and he came outside and we were talking. It was a summer's evening. We'd left school at this point and he had plans.
He knew what he was doing. I don't know if he was going to university or he was planning to do that or what. I can't remember.
I was working in a chip shop and I had nothing. I had nothing to say. It was almost like we were talking.
It was like talking to a stranger when I was talking to him. It was almost like he didn't want to know me anymore. That's how I felt.
It doesn't mean it's true, but that's how I felt. Like he's, he'd moved on. He was an adult.
I was still a kid. You know, I left school at 15. He was, I was, you know, he was 16, probably getting on to 17.
You know, so he was a year older than me. I think his birthday, I think it was September birthday and mine was end of August. So that's part of the reason why he was bigger as well, I suppose, because he was older.
That's probably the first time I had a little, it's not the first time, but it's one of the first times I realised that I was a bit weird. Because when I felt weird, I felt like a weirdo. Because people didn't want to know me.
I felt disliked. And maybe I was, and maybe I was dislikable. Maybe I stood out.
But maybe I was having a bit of reality, a bit of self analysis, self awareness, whatever. Realising that I wasn't like the other kids. I wasn't like the other teenagers or adults.
I didn't seem to know how to say the right things or do the right things or act in the correct manner. I wasn't interested in the things that I was supposed to be interested in. Or I felt I was supposed to be interested in.
And no matter how, I kind of didn't really enjoy school. Although I had some fun at playtime sometimes. And because I was disruptive, I sometimes had a bit of fun during the class.
But it got boring. And, you know, me and the teachers came to an understanding that if I just sat there and kept quiet, they'd leave me alone. And that was easier.
But it was boring. And I'd just be sitting there looking out the window. Teacher would be waffling on about whatever it is they were trying to teach.
I didn't listen to anything. I probably absorbed some of it. But I took no active, I actively ignored what was being said.
Because I found it boring. Wasn't interested. Oh, which is the biggest river in the world? Who cares? Why would you need to? Why would you want to know that? Why would you need to know it? What possible interest would I have? Am I planning to swim it? No.
So why would I need to know? You know. What's the biggest building? What's the, what's the deepest sea? What's the, how the clouds are formed? Who cares? The clouds are there. What causes rain? The weather? How deep do we want to go into that? It's like, how does a toilet work? I don't care.
I flush it. I'm grateful. That's it.
It's gone. I'm grateful. I don't care where it's gone.
I'm just grateful it's gone. So, I don't know. What was quite funny, well not funny, because I wouldn't have, I wouldn't have dared laugh, but the toughest kid in the year below me was pretty much the toughest kid, one of the toughest kids in the school.
He was, Clive his name was. And everybody pretty much kept out of his way, apart from a couple of people that I mentioned. Most people were wary of him because he was, he was a formidable force.
And I saw him, and I'd known him since first, second year because he came in the first year, when I was in second year. And he was, I remember it was sports day and he was walking there topless. And he looked like a bodybuilder.
Literally looked like, who the hell is this? And he was like, deep voice, any muscles, seriously, pectoral muscles, shoulders, back, stomach, six pack, walking around. I mean, it's just like an 11 year old boy. Yeah, like what the hell? What was in his mum's breast milk? Steroids? I mean, blimey, he was, I think he was born with muscles.
And yeah, he was, he was, he came with a reputation. But when I went to watch the karate class, you know, when I was watching it with my friend, his brother was there. And his brother's best friend was Clive.
And seeing Clive, this kid that everyone was scared of a little bit, because he was, he was a tough toughie. Seeing him trying to do karate, because it only just started. So he wasn't very good.
And he was, seeing him throwing punches, when we all knew he really could throw a punch. He looked silly. Of course, I wouldn't say that.
You know, I wouldn't have said it at the time. It was just it looked silly, because I've seen him in action quite a few times in actual fights. And I used to organize them.
No, I didn't. So I'd, I'd seen him in action. So I was like, wow, to see him do that.
And it was like, well, okay, that gave me motivation. So I thought, you know what, if he can do it, and he don't look very good, and he's willing to make himself and this is someone that has a reputation. If he's willing to make himself, allow himself to look not ridiculous, that's not the right word.
But vulnerable. If he's allowed to allow himself to be vulnerable, to be like a beginner, which he was. Because anyone that if you saw him, you think, actually, you wouldn't think it, but you'd think, oh, he, he's just a beginner.
And, you know, he's, he's nothing to worry about. The reality is, once you sort of saw him, once you start walking towards it, you think twice, perhaps. But he, so that's that motivated me a little bit.
So I went along, but he'd gone, he'd left. And I kind of wanted to be friends with him, because I never was. Not really, we knew each other, knew who each other were.
And, you know, say hello, but we didn't know each other, if you know what I mean. He's, he's, you know, he was like best mates with my friend's brother. But he also used to be, one of his other best friends used to be my next door neighbor, who was another toughie that used to be at school, and his brother was another one at school as well.
And me and his little, me and the younger one did kickboxing together. There was this American forces man who worked on the docks, an American force, and he, in the army or something in America, and he, so he was stationed over there. And he came to me one day, and he said, will you, will you come to kickboxing on Sunday morning? I said, yeah, all right.
And he said, Toby or, I can't remember his name, next door to you is coming, but we need a sparring partner, we need someone to do it with. I thought, you know, I said, yeah, cool. And I knew, I knew the kids next door, they'd be all gone really well, lived together, lived there for how many years? 1980, 1978, probably 1979, actually, 1979.
Until 1985. So we were there for six years. So you kind of, they were trendy.
They always had like the best stuff early. They, you know, best is they're just trendy. They had skateboards when it's trendy.
They had BMX bikes, bike bikes, BMX, BMX bikes, when it was trendy and popular. I got my BMX bike, when, well, mid 30s. So you know, so I was a bit late.
But it was sad because they were all out in the road playing on the BMX bikes. When I eventually was able to get one for myself, I was out there on my own. And they were all going to work.
And it was just a bit sad. I was, I kind of, part of me wanted to be part of the group, I guess, but I never was with them. We didn't really hang out.
I think I used to, I used to be friends with them. I did go into their house and stuff, sometimes in the coming hours, but we weren't. I think it was one of those things, if you live next door to someone, you're just friends with them.
And you get used to seeing them. And it's, it's, it's such an, such a, such not a big deal seeing them, because they're just always there. That you just sort of, how you doing? You alright? It's almost like you're sharing a house with them in some ways.
Not really, but you just get used to them being there. So I didn't used to really hang out with them, I don't think. But I used to be friends with them, you know, so you're right.
But Clive used to go around there and he was best friends with the older one, who was a year younger than me. And I just, I don't know, I wanted, I think I wanted to be his friend. I found he intrigued me, intrigued me.
Just like, how could someone be like that? I think he was kind of how I wanted to be. You know, to be big and strong and muscly. And to have people, I don't know, fear.
People did fear him, but I think, I think he's actually a nice bloke, to be fair. He's, he's, he was alright. I saw him a few times do a few weird things, but, you know, as a kid, I mean.
But most of the time, I don't think he was really that bothered. He, I think a lot of it was being pushed by older kids for their amusement. Come on, let's get the little Clive, because they were like maybe four years older.
And they found it funny that they got this, this, this kid who should be little, isn't. And like, let's push him to do stuff, like push him into people and, I don't know, like kind of weird stuff. Probably didn't happen, but.
I remember once we, me and my friend Dean, we were in the cafeteria. There was a, because Clive used to eat in the sixth form cafeteria. Seriously, he used to like, just, he just had access because of who he was.
He's called most, he was like a celebrity. And we, we started going there, me and Dean, in probably the fourth year. And they'd serve us, like, oh, okay.
So, we were having some food and a dinner lady came up and said, who left all this mess on this table? And I think, I think I said, oh, that was Clive. Just came out like, oh, or Dean might have said it. I don't know.
One of us said it. And I said, oh, that's it. I'll have a go at him tomorrow.
I spent the last 30 years hiding from him. I don't know. I suppose what got me thinking about this stuff is my weirdness, my weirdness.
To be strange. Still not quite, not quite figured out where that came from. To be so weird.
But that's it. I wanna go. I'm gonna go.
Thank you very much for listening. That was just a, a random bunch of stuff. That is meaningless, I guess, in a way.
But just a few childhood memories of school. So, I'll see you later. I don't know.
Remember to be kind to yourself because you deserve to be happy. Do something nice for yourself. Treat yourself today to something that you enjoy doing.
Something that will make you feel good. Lots of love. Bye.
Paragraph spacing and recurring name or title errors have been tidied. Because this began as a voice transcription, an occasional word or piece of punctuation may still be incorrect.