#646 Let me bore you to sleep

Hello, welcome to jasonnewland.com. My name is Jason Newland. Welcome to let me bore you to sleep. Please only listen when you can safely close your eyes.

Safely close your eyes. Not sure if I've got any messages. I'm recording this at 8.53 in the morning on Monday the 26th of April 2021.

So I've got a bit more energy than I normally have when I make these recordings. Normally I do them at silly, silly hours like late at night or sometimes even early hours in the morning. I think morning time is probably the better time to do it.

Part of the reason that I make the recordings at the end of the day is so that I can talk about what's happened during the day. But I can talk about what happened yesterday. I suppose it's because it's fresh in my mind maybe.

I've got no messages. Have I got any messages? I got a message from Suzanne a few days ago and it says sting my fiard. F I A R D. I'm just going to write I'm not sure what that means.

So I don't know who that is. View Facebook profile. This is someone with no picture at all.

It's just a black dot like a an empty space filled in with I think that's black might be blue no black yeah um and no photos. So I don't know if it's a person or not. They've got 13 friends on there.

I've noticed a few more and more people that don't have pictures. But then then I realized that I've got a picture of a ferret on mine. So I can't really judge anyone that doesn't have their own picture on the thing.

But I used to always have a picture of myself normally. But to be fair I think having just a black dot is probably more attractive than me. Because I didn't know you could just have a Anyway so I'm not sure what that meant.

What does it mean? Rachel says loving the new artwork. Thank you Rachel. Thank you very much.

And Heidi says just wishes me well. Big hug and kisses and stuff. Thanks Heidi.

I think I've already read messages out before. Karen says I'm lying here awake.

So um yeah um it's not not the not the best message to send me is it's like by the way your stuff isn't working today um just want to let you know uh hopefully Karen you found something to get you off to sleep um I yeah that's all the messages I seem to have at this moment for notifications yeah that's it not much happening yesterday or Saturday I didn't make any recordings at all on Saturday which is unusual for me as you are probably aware I've not really taken a day off for yes probably well

over a month maybe two months since I actually took a whole day off and didn't do anything so Saturday didn't make any recordings at all yeah I still got 9698 downloads but then yesterday I uploaded four recordings new recordings and I only got 7072 downloads what's going on so I think the secret is not making any recordings that's the secret of my success is people prefer it when I don't do anything so there um I mean it's you know 859 according to this I've had 2000 2664 downloads so far today um so who knows who

knows it's going well um I'm pleased with how it's going but I didn't realize how time-consuming some of the things are that I do so last night yeah last night uh my friend was downstairs and I just went and sort of said hello to him and he was watching Jumanji the like the one of the the first of the new ones with the rock and Kevin Hart and stuff in it and I said to him why don't you come watch it upstairs with me so I did he came upstairs and um we had some pizza

and he was we just watched it here while during the okay the film had already been going for about 20 minutes at this point but we watched the rest of it it was fun the whole of that time I was uploading the recordings I'd made plus a bit more time on top of that so it took me about two hours to upload to my podcast the new recordings to the various podcasts so I never realized the the time it took it's only because I was doing something specific a bit different because I don't generally watch

a television you know for a movie on television with another person in the room you know I spend more I guess I watch more like Netflix and movies streaming than I do on television but it was nice it's a bit different and Jumanji is something that I probably wouldn't watch on my own um because it's scary no because I don't know I just thought it's something I wouldn't watch you know I did quite enjoy it and it's quite funny and yeah it was all right so I'm probably gonna watch the next one so I've got

the other one is actually I think on Netflix I do believe the Jumanji whatever it's called the the one from 2019 19 had a weird thing on Saturday night I'm walking Andre just taking him for a little walk it's about eight o'clock seven eight something like that in the evening quite early still light outside and I'm literally just you know getting near to home Andre's he didn't even walk at all and then he he wanted to get down for that last little bit of the walk and I hear someone shouting like really shouting loudly and

I thought oh someone's having an argument so I just looked over and there's someone in the park quite a distance away from me but I could see him and there's no I just walked through the park there's no one there in the park couldn't see anyone else in the park there's no one in the street at all apart from me so I thought oh he's he's aiming it at me and he's swearing and he's all the kinds of like being threatening and I can't really hear exactly what he's saying and I'm thinking oh it's a

little bit uh a little bit oh so I run so I've got Andre with me and he's my first priority you know in that kind of a situation I need to sort of get him out of the way so I take him upstairs and then I feel I want to see who this person is because I generally get on with everyone it's not you know generally you know I mean I don't have uh an issue with people and I I don't hardly go out I don't have I only talk to people that I know and

the people I know wouldn't be like that with me and so I look out the the kitchen window just to see what who it was when he's walked past I didn't recognize him but he looked into the doorway as he walked past and started yelled something that I won't repeat it's like the communal doorway right as you walk by like really what was that about I mean unless it was a case of mistaken identity because I did have a tracksuit top on and the hood was up so how he'd even know it was me I

wouldn't tell because I got glasses and the hood's up you can't even see my face when I've got that when I've like dressed like that and I've only just started wearing it this is a new thing um because I'm cool baby I just so it's kind of strange and I'm just so I you know I phone my friends up call a friend so do you know do you know who this bloke is do you know who he is and so they're kind of looking around and find out who it was they sort of if a

friend might be a friend of a friend or something very strange it's like I just wanted to ask him what what what was that about how how could I have upset you when I don't know who you are and I don't go out you know I go to the shops when I need to I go to the garage I take Andre for a walk that is it and there hasn't been anywhere to go to for over a year you know everything all the social things are closed I don't go clubbing but if I if I

did I couldn't have done the pubs have been pretty much closed for most of the year this you know so I haven't upset someone when I've been out drunk I don't drink that's another one so it's not like I've kind of been you know annoying people in a drunken bingey state so I don't know it's weird very strange but upset me it did upset me and I was shaking inside and I just couldn't there was a feeling just like really weird feeling and I didn't know what to do it's like I couldn't rest you know

it was just like so the energy so much energy was inside me so what I did is I went on my punch bag for about 40 45 minutes and I punched it for yeah good good 40 minutes pretty much non-stop not like you know but you know I didn't you know it's one punch at a time I wasn't just it wasn't a flurry of punches of 40 minutes because even a professional boxer wouldn't be able to do that but I was just you know I punched it for 40 minutes I hurt my hands which don't

matter you know my hands are all a bit scabby and stuff but because I don't wear gloves when I punch the punch bag I just do it barehanded and the reason for that is like well that's a bit stupid well you can't you're not wearing gloves if you have to defend yourself against someone you're not going to be wearing gloves when you punch them and so you need to learn well not me but I figured because I broke my hand twice in the past I need to learn to be able to punch without ever hurting

my hands by hurting I mean breaking or twisting or anything like that so yeah I've the skin's come off my knuckles but I don't hurt my hands anymore when I punch and that's that's something I had to learn because in the past I think I probably had stronger hands when I was younger the the bones are probably stronger maybe because I used to be able to punch punch bags without hurting my hands other than the knuckles you know with the skin coming off and stuff but a lot of the time I had gloves on so

I've had a few punch bags over the years the last place I lived at I had a stand-up punch bag used to tell me jokes you know I had a thing at the bottom which you could fill with water or sand I used to put water in it and I had it had it in a little kitchenette thing that I had and then before that I didn't have anything in that room but the the one before that when I was at college I had one in the garden and it was exactly the same as the

stand-up one and you know what's weird I left the one before I moved here I left it there why did I leave it there it cost me about 200 pound there was something about not wanting to bring anything here from there like a new start you know maybe I wanted to leave the aggression at home leave it there you know be a different person not not that I'm aggressive I'm a very calm person generally but getting on that punch bag for three minutes did I say 40 minutes three minutes I can't know I can't do

anything for more than three minutes without no I did about 40 40 odd minutes because I was listening to a whole of an album um while I was you know punching I felt so good afterwards so much relief uh tension and I could also even my back felt better and I slept really well it's really weird it's it's a a nice bit of exercise but I can't go on at the moment because I have to wait for my hands to heal because although my hand they hurt a little bit but it's the yeah my hands

do hurt a little bit because I sprinted over did it it's a little bit bruised but it's just the the knuckles where the the skin has to heal again so probably about a week or so to get that healed because normally I go on it for maybe five or ten minutes um maybe 15 but I never do it I don't go like over the top like Saturday night I was really going for it a bit you know I was trying tapping into whatever negativity that was in there and getting it out releasing it which is

the best place negativity needs to be out don't want to inside ourselves everyone's got their own way of doing that some people can do it through uh meditation it's possible um just lots of different ways just mine I like to punch and the thing is I'll be honest with you I'm not thinking of the person when I'm punching so that might sound strange but in the past if someone's annoyed me let's say I've got upset by someone in the shop um during the past you know and so I get on the punch bag to get

rid of that anger or that whatever I'm not thinking of the person not thinking I'm punching that person at all because I don't want to punch anyone it really is just a physical um movement uh I think now that's not always been the case I'll be honest when I was a kid and I had a punch bag uh down the bottom of the garden I had two one light one and one heavy one and weights and stuff that was when I was doing the martial arts I was about 14 and my oldest brother who's four

years older than me used to just wind me up really really annoy me so what I do I go down the garden and I would I was thinking it was him I was punching him in my head but I was a kid you know I don't have I don't really have that anymore no actually I do still think it's him when I'm punching it's him no it's not I couldn't reach his head he's so much taller than me all my brothers all my family are taller than me I'm the I am the shortest even my

little brother is about it's probably 5 10 5 11 something like that uh my older brother it's got to be six foot my oldest brother probably about 6 3 6 4 and then so that my dad is my dad's about I think my dad was about 5 10 5 11 something like that but he's shrunk because he's old he's older now so he's shrunk a bit so he's probably still a bit taller than me but not by much but I'm also shrinking as well which is lovely yeah that's why I like for you know when

I get out of bed I know that I'm uh I've got more length to me than when I go to bed I'm also taller and I um my uncle yeah my uncles uh but one passed away recently but both the uncles are tall they're all kind of 6 2 6 3 you know that kind of height and their kids are even taller like 6 5 6 6 so it's really weird even my auntie is taller than me both my auntie got two aunties one's yeah I think they're both taller than me not by one's about

maybe the same height maybe she's shorter but the other one's taller and one of her daughters is taller than me she's probably about 5 11 and the other one's probably about the same kind of height as me ish maybe a little bit taller but the boys the sons of my uncles tall really tall and it's me how did that happen really I'm sure there's I just I feel like I want if I go to north London I'm gonna find some 90 year old and it sounds bad some like 95 year old ex milkman that looks

just like my dad it's terrible I shouldn't say that I'm only joking it's just my granddad mind you my granddad was little not little but he was compared to the rest of his kids he was probably 5 9 5 8 5 9 very slim so all of his kids were slim except my dad so that's the weird one it's like every single one of his kids was slim I'm talking not skinny as in but just slim no stomach at all you know just just a flat flat stomach and slim all of them and then my

dad who was I think my dad was 14 and a half stone when he was at school when he was like 15 he was built and he wasn't he wouldn't have been you know he was just I guess muscle when he was at that age but he was big like broad strong but not particularly tall nothing like the rest of because all his brothers were taller and probably weighed as much as him but just taller because they were slim they you know could pull it off well he could yeah he could pull it off as

well but he's just really I don't get it such a weird and my nan was really slim my granddad was really slim and then he popped out but then if I look at my nan's I never got to meet really much of my granddad's family but me I met my nan's family like her brothers and sisters she had a big big family and Irish sort of just it was naturally because there's some things that Catholic Irish people are taught not to do and you know so they have babies they have you know the the tradition

was to probably have lots and lots of babies and so that's what they did that's what she did and that's what they um because one of my uncles was a twin but you know only one survived the uh the birth so technically well not technically she did have six babies she had six kids but five you know got through and then one of my grandmother's my nan's brothers looked quite like my dad now my dad looks like him and he was stocky even then he was in his 80s when I when I really can't sort

of met him and he was big you know very stocky very kind of upper body all upper body not um like my dad he's not got skinny legs but it's really just um from the hips up if that makes sense he's the rest of him is just like it's almost like a different body it's a different like he's like a he's slim below his hips but not above and my uncle well I don't know what you want to call him but my sister's brother he was the same he had ginger hair as well although he

didn't when I met him but he had gray hair but he originally had ginger hair so that whole ginger gene is in there and it has passed on because at least two of my cousins have got ginger kids and they didn't have ginger boyfriends or husbands so the gene it's quite a strong gene that has passed through which is why I guess I had a ginger beard and some some of my hair was ginger um during my life I think I've probably got ginger skin I've a very I burn quite a reddish skin I do

burn very easily in the sun um yeah there's no point at all to what I'm saying but I just found it weird that everybody was so slim and then my dad popped out and he was this big not tall but just wide man and the thing is I don't know what my nan's dad was like I don't know what my granddad's dad was like they most of them but they both might have been really big men or you know so that that genetics was there I mean the tall genetic genes was there clearly because they

all all the family ended up being tall pretty much but then on my mum's side going on my genetics because you know we're 50% aren't we 50% parents of each one 50% a man 50% of the woman's genes so I never met in my memory I'd never met any of my mother's side of the family I think she had two sisters or at least one sister and I was told that she moved to America so I hope that she's happy and well and still very much alive and enjoying her life never matter and her mum

both my nan and granddad are not here they died I don't know when I don't know if my nan if she died but I think she did and then she didn't she she's gonna be she's gotta be in her 90s 70s yeah it's gotta be at the very least in her early 90s by now so because so she's gonna be if she is still alive I mean how I'd like to meet her that's my nan isn't it it's my grandmother that I never got to meet but my granddad died he was on that side my

other so both my granddads died but he I think he died before I was born and uh apparently he was a monster of a man huge like really tall really wide and he was a lorry driver apparently what I've heard but he was uh this is just what I've heard from family members that are willing to talk about it and because my auntie was best friends with my mum one of my aunties like best friends I think that's how my dad met her because they were best friends at school or whatever and then probably when

she was 16 or 17 started dating my dad and all that they got married in 1965 I think and then yeah so they were together for a good five probably must have been together at least a year before that so six over six years and they had three kids in that time but it's weird because I might have relatives out there that I don't even know about I might have brothers and sisters that I don't even know about how weird so if there's anyone listening to this whose mother is called Francesca and maybe you look

a bit like me which if that's unlikely though isn't it you could do I suppose I would say that I look more like even I don't know what my mum looks like or look like even um I know that I look like my dad so unless how weird would it be if I met my mum and she looked like my dad as well that'd be really weird freaky so yeah I don't know that'd be just strange I've got a long lost sister or brother out there and I don't see the ones I've got so I

guess it'd be weird at least very strange are you out there any mini me's out there I mean technically I do have a brother and sister that I've never known because my stepmum my first stepmum who adopted me when I was seven and my brothers and we lived with her so she was my mum between 7 and 15 or 16 actually she then moved away got married and had two children so technically even legally they are they are my brothers and sisters like half step I don't know what the word would be but because she

was my adopted parent my legal guardian doesn't that make forgetting the emotional side of love and all that that doesn't seem to count for much but if you know just from legal the does it I don't know but yeah I don't know I added one on Facebook once and she just blocked me so that was weird I thought perhaps I should make an effort to try and get to know them because you know they're my little brother's brother and sister you know there is um to him what he is to me you know I don't

think of him as being like a half brother he's my brother yeah strange isn't it strange how it all works out I remember my brother apparently I don't remember him doing it but he said that he invited me to my stepmum's 60th birthday party this was probably about five years ago no probably maybe 10 years ago yeah it was a while back maybe less than that maybe eight years ago and I think he asked me why didn't you go why don't you come and well I haven't seen her since 1987 really I saw I kind

of seen her once yeah I saw her once when my dad with my little brother had appendicitis and his appendix burst and he was in hospital he's very very poorly and I went up to Kent with my dad and his his wife to see my little brother and he'd have probably been he must have been even late teens or early 20s at that point so it's quite a long time ago she's now in his 40s so she she rocked up and I saw her briefly and that was just weird it's just weird it's it's it's

strange how someone can become a a stranger like a real stranger like one of the most important people in my entire life at one point had such a huge impact on my life in probably mainly a positive way you know really uh pretty much gave up her her life to care for me and my brothers and my dad and she was only young she's like 21 years old and suddenly she's got four she's got three kids three you know one is one's 10 years old one's eight and one's six in fact I just turned seven

so one was 11 one was nine and one was just turned seven that's a huge commitment for a 21 or 22 year old woman to take on and she'd only just married my dad a little while earlier so you know it's an amazing thing she did really but I think what it was is that's part of the problem I think because she missed her she missed her youth you know the 20s she spent her 20s being almost like a middle-aged woman living like that living like someone in their 30s or 40s and devoting all her

time to that and then she I think she hit 30 and had a an epiphany I think or 29 or 30 yeah I think when she hit 30 things changed because she did her hair different there was a time when maybe it was before she was 30 but late 20s she always had straight hair and I'm not I'm not even going to say the word plain because she was never plain she's a beautiful woman but she didn't really wear makeup didn't need to you know she's very but homely always looking after us we was the

priority and I don't know I think she just there must be something that she realized she'd missed out on being young maybe and she actually she'd had her hair done she had curly hair she was dying her hair and she was wearing makeup and she was dressing differently and then she got a job and she was meeting new people and it's yeah it was kind of the beginning of the end really however she seemed happier in a way and you notice stuff like that don't you when you're the kid like well you know partly I

don't mind you being miserable as long as you make cakes for me and you know you do everything for me I'm sure kids don't think that but there is I didn't really take much notice of her her happiness was not important to me when I was a kid no one else's happiness was important to me I was a kid simple as that but what I noticed that she seemed happier that's when I like you know partly liked it because she was happy but then yeah that was the beginning of her moving on and because she

was still so young when she took off like 31 years old or something she I think she was embarrassed having adult children at the age of 31 because firstly she didn't look 31 she could easily pass for probably 25 and she was attracting younger men and I could see like men flirting with her and stuff like that and they were younger you know some of them were only a little bit older than me so maybe a couple of years not me now but you know sort of these 19 20 year olds were like really a

bit taken with her that's all it was they'd try and flirt with her and stuff but but that's normal though I think isn't it normal for like teenage boys to go around their friend's house and maybe kind of have a bit of a crush on their their mum maybe I never had any friends that had hot mums what a weird conversation but I was I was the friend with the hot mum that's what it was that's yeah is that why all my friends kept coming around because I noticed that like yeah I'm really nice that

you turned up for dinner but you don't even talk to me at school why are you here why just to see my mum especially in the summer blimey um so yeah that was weird that's a weird situation and then she got together with this bloke I think he was younger and he was he was a knobhead I went and visited him this is before she moved away went up there and he basically told me he didn't want he didn't want me there she invited me to come move with him with her he didn't want me

there he told me and then I find out from my older brothers that they weren't allowed to call her mum because he didn't like it and they didn't want to confuse the little kids that had just given birth to can you imagine that he's what let's say my oldest my oldest brother told me this so he's four years older than me so we're talking when he was in his 20s because he used to be oh he was allowed to stay isn't that weird he was he was he visited but I didn't seem to be welcome

um so but he wasn't allowed to call her mum so for 20 years had been calling her mum or 15 years or whatever it was at that time and now no you can't call her mum because she's she looks too young and she's got young children and now how can she could you think about it seven eight eleven because there's 10 years difference between I guess my oldest brother and my former mother so I guess that would look weird but what does it matter what a couple of little kids think really but you and the

kids look that much into it everyone looks old to a two-year-old a 15-year-old looks old to a two-year-old everybody does does a two-year-old three-year-old really care they just accept it this man man calls my mum mum he's my brother and I love him he's my brother he's my older brother and they just accept it but that's where stupidity comes in isn't it that's where like where adults start thinking that kids think like they do little kids don't think like that they don't have that capacity to be judgmental in that way anyway it did it did

turn out to be a complete uh numpty this man and he yeah they split up so you know I kind of think you know what was it worth it I sometimes think to people like like so you take off you leave you know so you lost me was it worth it really just for some idiot man to put him ahead of me here's the ironic thing he gave my brother a job not my little brother but one of my older brothers he didn't want me in his house didn't want me anywhere near there even threatened

me and when I was what 16 I think I was 15 16 and yeah but he has my brother there this is recently gave my brother a job apparently it's like he's not even together with my ex-mum anymore it's like come on what did I do that was so wrong you know it's like mind you my brother if he asks you for a job you're going to give him a job to be fair you're probably not going to say no to him but that's besides the point it's just it's just weird I'm just moaning I'm

just having a moan some people like to know about my life so I'll tell you a little bit about my life every now and then every now and then I get a little bit worried and then I eat a poo pie I eat a poo pie that's wrong had no breakfast cereal today run out the garage has no breakfast cereal it's run out what am I supposed to do hey what am I supposed to do I've got enough money to buy some breakfast cereal I've only I think I've got 15 pound left in the whole

world but that's enough for me to buy a two pound box of rice rice ricicles not ricicles rice rice pops not rice pops pop rice poppy snap crackle and pop rice krispies that's it it's early in the morning still it's too early man I just uh you know I mean it's too early yeah yeah man so I might actually have to go into town to get some breakfast cereal can you believe it because if I go into town I'm going to Greg's and I'm buying myself an iced bun I am I could pop a current

bun Chelsea bun with icing with a cherry on top or something because I've had a craving for about four days for one of them don't know why I just got a craving and I love them I used to every back in 2000 and probably yeah 2000 maybe 99 2000 2001 every Saturday afternoon I used to go to the local bakery which is just on the corner this is in London where pretty much everything's available you know see I've got to travel for long places you know generally if those haven't been in London it's it was

awful in some ways you know but in some other ways it was it's handy there's always something open and where I lived if I turned right out the door and then turned right again there was an off-license across the road a post office there was a news agents a little bit further up there was a laundrette and then there was also two pizza places that's just in one that's literally a two-minute walk from where I lived and then going up the other way walking up further it was also a supermarket on the other side of

the road I'm walking up the other way there was a garage petrol station and cross over walk up a little way and there was another supermarket and what else was there I think it was a mobile phone shop and then there was a pub and I'm not sure what else was there but on the corner there was a bakery so you're never far from shops just walk up another 10 minutes five minutes there's another shop like super like a mini supermarket thing and you could buy stuff or news agents they're everywhere it's just in some

ways that's one of the great things about London now I don't know if it's still the same because I've not lived there for a long time but that's what it used to be like anyway every Saturday pretty much for what was it Friday might have been Friday or was it Saturday I'm not sure but what I did is I got myself a cheese roll a warm sausage roll it's like cheese bap you know I'm like a nice bap a sausage roll that was hot and a Chelsea cake like Chelsea bun with icing and a cherry

on top and I might have got a can of coke or might have made myself a cup of tea when I got back in and I'd eat that so I think what I would do is put the hot sausage roll inside the cheese it was cheese and tomato the cheese and tomato roll bread roll I'd put the hot sausage roll inside there squash it up and eat it like that and then when I finished that which was beautiful mad beautiful be honestly if you've never done it because you got melted cheese and the tomatoes that's

yeah that's for the health that makes it healthy and I do like a bit of tomato and cucumber I do I think it's the wateriness of the cucumber that I like the taste is is negligible isn't it it's negligible negligible negligible negligible negligible is that right don't much taste that's what I'm going it's not taste less but it's definitely not taste more either I used to have that and then the icing on the cake literally the ice was the Chelsea bun or the you know the iced bun with currants and stuff and the cherry on

top oh and I'd stuff what I'd stuff it down I think it probably was a cup of tea because that would probably go better with a nice cake and then in those days especially like 2000 2001 I didn't drink coke but I did I was drinking alcohol every night but I was the rest of the time I was drinking tea and so I probably would have had tea because I was working I was busy in the evening and I never used to drink alcohol when I was you know doing something important so I just uh

you know I never really although saying that when I was in insurance um the the first time I met someone that well the person of the man who was sitting next to me kept going on let's go out for a drink I said no and he was like he'd been sitting there I don't know probably four or five months not all in a go he'd go home but he'd you know he'd been sitting next to me I got on really well with him but he's like let's go for a drink and I kept saying no

I see you all day I don't want to see you outside as well it's enough that I have to see you there admittedly that probably didn't come across very nice but I didn't mean it horribly just being honest I didn't want it why would I want to see someone that I'm sitting next to all day outside of work as well anyway we ended up being pretty much best mates so I did used to go out of him and then go uh you know go at the weekend and go out and stuff but he used to

be able to drink like really drink and something that I'd never done before I used to start we started going to the pub at lunchtime because we were on the same shifts so we'd go and he would drink three maybe four pints in an hour you know I could drink two a struggle I mean that's a lot of liquid to go into my body and I've never had a big bladder I've always I've never it's not that I can't hold my beer you know I don't get silly and rowdy and get drunk really quickly but

physically it's the liquid the amount of liquid I don't don't do so well with so we'd come back he was not affected by the alcohol at all so he'd have like three pints or four and he'd just come back to work and he'd just be happy and just get on with it I'd come back to work I'd be quite happy as well because I was a little bit merry I guess I think it's more the speed of the alcohol the amount going in so quick because although it was in an hour it wasn't you know

20 minutes of that was traveling to and from the pub or waiting to be served as well you know ordering food if we get some but usually there's not enough time so it's very much probably half an hour of drinking in reality so I'd come back and I was a bit oh oh and I didn't function very well because I'm a I'm a very focused person if I'm doing something I need to really focus on it and give it everything all my all my attention otherwise I just I struggle a little bit to do stuff

sometimes unless I can be distraction free he just it didn't affect him at all literally just just got on with the job and I was fine a little bit you know a little bit uh airy bit of an airhead for a bit I was like okay I've got to take calls um that sales instinct that I would normally have went out the window you know that I didn't care if they wanted to buy or not just you know I just didn't care and that was just with two pints I think I managed three two and

a half to three pints once but we were late getting back and that and I realized no not doing that game because I was pretty drunk I felt drunk did I say a minute ago that I'm not a lightweight I am a lightweight okay I'm just I just I'm a lightweight but I'm also very heavy I'm a heavyweight as well uh nowadays so I was okay for a little while generally after the couple of pints that we'd normally do and then probably 20 minutes after getting back the seal breaks and I have to go to

the toilet I have to do a wee wee and then I go back and then I have to do another wee wee again and I'm back and forward to the toilet for about two hours because that's a hell of a lot of liquid to put into your body two pints and it had to come out and I would tell you about the best wee I ever did something you wouldn't expect to hear I had a bladder infection back in 2000 and 2008 summer 2008 and basically I was putting leaflets through people's doors how does that

give you a bladder infection listen and you'll find out Andre all that area for you to go to the toilet and you do it on the carpet he really is a wind-up sometimes I feel like just ripping this whole carpet up but then I realized it would take energy and effort so I don't yeah so I was it was a summer and it was during the olympics the reason I remember this because basically I'm putting leaflets advertising my free pain relief service in my town uh I think I got one person responded out of thousands

of doors I posted through that's when I realized that perhaps I should just stop you know don't worry about it anymore and then I put my hand through a letterbox and a dog went for me you know and I just managed to get my hand out in time and I thought oh because I was daydreaming about something else I thought I was daydreaming about being bitten by a dog or something I don't know so I was distracted and nearly got bitten and the very next letterbox I actually did get bitten so I guess the dog

heard the other dog and was ready for me and bit the the end of my little finger off and and it was just you know it's just it's still a scar down the end of it but it's such a little part of the body you know but I don't think that's an excuse to make fun of it and I just so I ended up standing there in the street with this messy finger and you know I told my dad afterwards he said why did you knock on the door and confront the person the owner of

the dog and I said to him when I saw what the dog did to my finger I dare I was daring to think what the uh the owner of the dog would be like that's what the dog's like for that is my dad he's like he'd knock on the door and get into a confrontation with the with the dog owner that's not me it's like just no I'm a little finger to think about the thing is I wasn't angry I didn't have anger in me like oh I was just like oh it was such a

surreal moment I was looking at my finger and it was didn't look the way it normally does and I almost thought I might have broken it as well I did get an x-ray because they thought I'd broken it because it was a bit twisted but it wasn't broken it was just swollen and I went to the I managed to get a bus someone in the street gave me a hanky to wrap around it because I had nothing on me and it was making a bit of a mess so he gave me this hanky which might

have put given me a bit of an infection because he'd been putting out these bogeys and snot in it but it was nice for him to help me out but I got on a bus managed to wave a bus the bus was just pulling up and then when it I got off the bus and opposite it was a taxi office the cab office so I get a taxi to the hospital and I think on the way either on the on the way home I probably didn't get a taxi home so getting a taxi there the

reason I know it's during the Olympics is because the the taxi driver had the Olympics playing on the radio and it was in the news that a taekwondo contest one of the competitors I don't know if he was he was disqualified or whatever he kicked the referee and I just remember that I just just it's just something that you can't imagine it's not really happening but it did and so that's why I remember the Olympics it being then so 2008 and then on 2012 we had our Olympics in London so I don't know where that

was I think it was in China or was it in America Atlanta or somewhere like that and I always get muddled up between China and America I wonder if it was okay anyway I went to the hospital had the had the technician jab and they said to me oh they they the nail was pretty much off so they just took the rest of the nail off said it you probably lost a nail for good you know we can't save it it's like it's not a leg you know it's just a nail I don't care about

a nail it's a little it's my little finger it's a nail plus I've had nails removed when I used to have ingrown toenails when I was late teens and early 20s my big toes I used to get ingrown toenails on them so I've had nails partly removed and they said oh you may need this is what made me laugh they said you may need plastic surgery I said you're not the first person to tell me that mate I think it's a bit rude to be coming about my finger they said we're talking about your finger

I said oh okay I said what do you mean plastic surgery for my finger they said well um it's going to be very scarred up and we're not going to put any because it's so small we're not going to put stitches in it but we'll we'll put like these butterfly things in you know so it sticks it together and but you might it might be deformed I said don't worry mate I didn't say mate because it's a doctor I said don't worry doc I don't care I don't care what it looks like it's a finger

it's a little finger um I don't care really if the nail if I've lost a nail I don't care it makes no difference to my life really the weird thing about it is the nail did grow back even though it was removed I knew a new nail grew back um and all there is on it is a tiny little scar and you wouldn't even notice that unless you like I showed it no it's two scars one two yeah one's longer than the other one's one's like from the crease all the way up to the nail

and the other one's on the other side so yeah it's hardly noticeable really but anyway what happened then I've told this story before but hey it's my favorite urine urine story um they put me on antibiotics which I took for I don't know five days and I wasn't able to drink any alcohol which is annoying because that's what I would normally do most of the time in the evenings so I did what they said you know I'm pretty good at following the rules and then I started needing to go to the toilet all the time

and I went to a doctor oh you got a bladder infection okay what can you do to help uh antibiotics I said it's the antibiotics it caused this blimming thing they said well we'll give you different antibiotics so they gave me antibiotics didn't work then gave me another set of antibiotics and that didn't seem to work they ran out anyway I still had the same feeling so what I did I went to the pub I thought well I don't care I'm gonna drink and I had a drink of lager a pint of lager and then

I think I was probably three quarters through my second pint and really needed to go to a toilet to do a wee now it wasn't just a feeling it was like a real genuine and I went to the men's toilets and I did the longest most pleasurable wee wee of my life and that feeling that I'd had for the last two weeks gone completely gone no no need to go to the toilet again you know because before I was like going to the toilet and then still needing to go but not needing to go this

time nothing it was it was wonderful absolutely wonderful it was it's really weird that one of the highlights of my life my adult life was standing in front of a a urinal in some crappy pub but that's how it was that's what happened oh the relief genuinely the relief was phenomenal oh it was great so I mean I do think maybe if I'd have done that first thing it would have saved me two weeks but you don't know there's no way of knowing and you know if a doctor gives you antibiotics for a reason and

says don't drink then you take the antibiotics and you don't drink otherwise what you're doing going to the doctors and asking for help if you don't do the help that they offer you tell you to do that's my that's my mentality when it comes to doctors if you go to doctors with a condition and they give you give you something to deal with a condition and if you don't take their advice what you're doing wasting their time that's what you've just done you just wasted the doctor's time if you don't actually do what the doctor

tells you that's my perspective potentially depends what they tell you to do they say climb a tree and pretend that you're a monkey no no I'm not going to do that I'll pretend I'm a lizard but I'm not going to pretend I'm a monkey pretend I'm a chicken but no monkey no well that's another day of pointless chatter Andre's having some water he realizes that I'm not taking any notice of him at all even though I am he doesn't realize it he's a weirdo he does some really weird stuff with the water he's like dipping

his whole face in and then going yeah I've got water all over my face but you just you just dipped your face into the water like I've got water up my nose yeah that's because you breathed in while you were under the water what's wrong with you weird honestly he probably I say probably he wants some dinner he hasn't had any breakfast yet so I better go and make him some breakfast so take care enjoy your day or night or sleep or whatever you're doing and I shall speak to you later remember to be kind

to yourself because you deserve really Andre you deserve to be happy lots of love bye