#620 Let me bore you to sleep

Hello and welcome to jasonnewland.com. My name is Jason Newland and this is let me bore you to sleep. I hope you're well. I hope you're groovy.

Yeah, things are going quite good. Had another day of 10,000 downloads which is nice. It's ever so nice.

It's all due to my incredibly hard work. So did I say only listen when you can safely close your eyes? I'm not sure if I said it. Well I have now.

Here we go. Done it. Imagine how many times I've actually said that out loud.

Thousands of times. You'd think I'd remember wouldn't you? I think I'd remember to say it. It's like walking, walking at your house just in your underwear.

Oh I forgot to put clothes on. How did you forget? Thousands of times you put clothes on. How did you manage to forget that time? Maybe it's an age thing.

Maybe I'm getting old. There's no maybe. There is no maybe baby about it.

It's so yeah here I am. Here we are. Let's be breathing in.

It sounds like I'm sniffing but it's nice. It's just breathing. Oh a bit tired.

So I got quite a bit done today which is nice. It's always good. Quite a bit done yesterday.

In fact this week I've been doing a lot of editing and yeah it's good. Tomorrow another busy-ish day. Oh I booked my jab.

My vaccination. If anyone's listening to this in you know 2034 or something like that you know in the distant future and you're wondering why am I just saying the jab? Because you know what vaccine? Well when you're talking about because obviously there's lots of different vaccines but at the moment in March 2021 there is only one vaccine that is on the on the minds of the of a lot of people. Millions and millions, billions probably of people.

And that's you know the current vaccine, the popular vaccine. Well that is a few different versions. Some that aren't that popular.

So I've got mine booked next week. My first one. I've also got the second one booked in June.

So I couldn't believe that. I phoned them up because I thought they were going to be interested. So I was gonna try and see if there's a possibility of having it done at my local pharmacy.

So I phoned this. I think it's 119 is the number which is the vaccine booking number. And I got through eventually.

It wasn't a long wait or anything. I was surprised. I thought I'd be on there for days and days but I wasn't.

And the lady said to me you know what's your postcode? So I put the postcode in or she put the postcode in. And she said the nearest place is something like Chelmsford or Chelterstown. Some racehorse.

Racehorse. I don't know what you call them. What are they? Farms? Racehorse course.

Racecourse. Not a racehorse. But where racehorses go.

So racehorse course. I guess that is called a racecourse. Although other things do race.

Such as cars. Pigeons. You know various things race.

But am I being too pedantic? Possibly. Possibly a little bit too pedantic. Yes.

But it's a long way away. And I laughed. I said that's a bit far away isn't it? She said I've got no idea.

I said what do you mean? She said I don't live anywhere near you. And I realised it's a call centre. So and she's working from home as well.

I asked her. She had an accent. I didn't ask her where she was working from because it's none of my concern is it? I don't want to be starting asking people questions that might not be my concern.

You know. I have to learn. But she could have been like Newcastle or you know 10 hours away from me.

So she might have no idea where anything is in my area. And why should she? I mean what that's a lot of that's a lot of remembering isn't it? Imagine having to remember every single town. All the different sites in each town.

And the local facilities in those particular areas. It's too much to expect from anybody. I think she did a handsome job of what she did.

And she was very clear and courteous. Anyway she said no there's nothing local to you. Once I kind of went through the list.

So she said the best thing to do is just call up every day. And I thought no. No.

No. I said I'll thank someone. Maybe I'll try online.

She said yeah you try online then. Go on. She didn't.

She said bye. I said thank you for calling. Thank you very much.

I said thank you very much for answering. We. And I said bye.

She said bye. I said I love you. You hang up first.

No you hang up. You hang up. I said hang up.

You hang up. Never been so angry. So yeah I. Yeah bye dad.

I went online. I booked it there. And I did find a place.

Although it's in a different town. It's a hospital. Now I'm not going to have any trouble finding a hospital.

So I figured that's easy. And once you get into the hospital there's a full of signs. It's a much easier process.

So I'm going to a town which is. It's not that far away. But it's a journey.

It's either a bus or a train journey depending on whether or not I get on a bus or a train. And yeah it's next week. So I'll be glad.

I've been put. Okay I've been putting it off but only for a week. I didn't put.

I'm not putting off for ages. I literally. It's a week ago that I got the text from the NHS service telling me that I'm eligible or inviting me.

Inviting me. That's the right word. Dear Jason.

We'd love to. We'd love to have your. Have your company on the.

To have a prick in your arm. I remember vaccines. I remember.

You know what. Here's something. You might not know this.

You know gradually. If you listen back to all these recordings. You're really sad.

No. If you listen. If you listen back to everything you'd.

You'd never have enough time. You couldn't do it. I defy anybody to listen back to over 600 recordings.

Impossible. Impossible. No one.

No one. I don't think anyone could do that. And 600 recordings.

Probably over 800 hours. Probably more. I mean getting on to a thousand hours probably.

But 800 hours at least. Because some of the recordings go over by quite a bit sometimes. Over 600 recordings.

Just on this podcast. Just the boring ones. Although some would question that statement.

They're all a little bit boring. I've never quite listened to one and got excited. I'm not sat on the edge of the edge of the seat.

You know. Wondering what you're going to say next. Yeah right.

I haven't got to be rude. I'm just saying. I mean everything's a bit boring that you do isn't it.

Well actually. I don't agree. Because I think.

Personally. I'm a very. Can't even say it without laughing.

I'm a very interesting person. I have a very full. A full social life.

Very active. I'm a very active person. I'm not.

No. Even my exercise bike ignores me. That's how popular I am.

It's an old joke isn't it. Even my invisible friend ignores me. So yeah.

I. Forgot that. A few years ago. That was loud wasn't it.

A few years ago. I applied to volunteer work in the hospital. And I did it.

I did did some volunteer work. Before I was allowed to work in the hospital. I had to be checked.

For. I'd have some blood. Blood tests.

To check my health. And to. I had to check to see if I was vaccinated for everything.

That I should be. I assumed I was. But I wasn't.

It turned out that I'd never had the measles jab. Now I don't know what age the measles jab is at. Is it a baby? I don't know.

But all those years and measles. I think it can be. I don't know.

But I think it can be quite harmful to adults. I may be wrong. I don't know.

But I had the chicken pox when I was a kid. I'm pretty sure I had mumps as well. I had.

Yeah I've got. The thing is. If you.

Because I grew up with three brothers. We just got everything. It was continuous.

It was just a cycle. Yeah. It was almost.

We might as well have just all shared the same toothbrush. Seriously. Because we caught everything each other got.

In fact you could plan it. I actually. It was always my oldest brother that got it first.

Then my second oldest brother. Then me. Then my little brother.

Although sometimes it turned around the other way. Because once my little brother went to school. I think he'd be a bit more vulnerable.

You know there'd be a lot more. Illnesses and diseases out there. Because all the little kids like to spread diseases don't they.

It's not their fault is it. They're disgustingly dirty. So we all had it.

We kept spreading it to each other. So technically. I should have a fairly strong immune system.

Based on. Well first of all. I was brought up in an environment where we was outside a lot.

So. Sitting inside. We were kind of more like the old school.

Go out and play for hours all day long. And. You know just.

Maybe it's because we were boys. We were a little bit less protected from. In that way.

But. Plus I lived in a little town that was fairly. Fairly safe really.

Simple safe little town it was. Wasn't much going on there. And.

So you know. I was subjected to loads of germs and stuff. Playing in the dirt.

In the fields and whatever. From a very early age. So I guess I had the.

A bit of immunity there. Which. I don't know.

I mean there's this whole thing like old kids and they would go out and play. But is that true. Is it true.

You know. I mean. Kids spend all the time indoors playing video games.

Is that true though. I don't know. Because.

Yeah maybe teenagers. But once you get to become a teenager you don't want to run around a field with a stick. Running around in the mud.

You know it's not. It's not as interesting as what it was when you were six years old. You know.

I don't know. I think young people get a hard time with it. I really do.

I can't be bothered with all that. Hating upon people. I think it's jealousy.

I think there's a little bit of jealousy there. Because anyone that gets older. Realizes that.

Their youth is gone. That vitality they had. Has gone.

And they wasted it. Because they didn't realize how precious it was. And no matter how often people told them.

Older people. To make the most of it. And to look after themselves.

And to enjoy being young. They still didn't realize what they had. Until it was kind of.

Diminished somewhat. I think that might be the case with older people. When I say older people.

I'm talking about anyone pretty much 30s. 40s. 50s.

Whatever. There's a very. There's a cynicism towards kids and teenagers.

And leave them alone man. They've got a different. It's a different life now.

It's a different. Oh they're indoors on the internet. Yes.

Because they have internet. Do you think there was internet in the 70s. We would have been out in the mud.

Running around. Like animals. Chasing a. Chasing a stone down the road.

No. We would have been indoors. On the internet.

Looking at things. That perhaps we oughtn't to. But it would have been fun.

But it would have been communal. It would have been you know. It would have been friends getting together.

To watch stuff. As they do with phones. You see kids get together.

And they get you know around a little phone. And they're watching it. And laughing and stuff.

That's part of. Communication isn't it. Learning to.

You know. It's not like they're doing it on their own. Solitary.

I don't know what my point is. There's no point to this. I'm not making a point really.

It's just my social observation. No it's not really even that. I don't really care.

I just. Just no. I think it's.

Yeah. It's a bit of jealousy from older people. I see that with.

Some people. You know. Younger.

I'm not going to focus on any particular sex. But it could be a jealousy. Towards.

A younger person. Walking down the street. Dressed.

In a particular way. That. The older person.

That the older person. Is. Possibly jealous.

Of. The fact. That.

That person. Is able to. Carry it off.

And that they're getting attention. And you know. Maybe.

Because you know. I've noticed as I got older. The one power I always thought I wanted was to be invisible.

Now I am invisible. To pretty much 80 percent of society. I'm invisible.

No one. You know. People bang into me in the street.

Seriously. I'm just. It's like I'm not even there.

If only they knew I was a superstar. Eh? If only they knew. If only.

If they knew what you know. They see me. And I'm just walking on my own.

And minding my own business. And you know. Just maybe sometimes.

I've got a little ferret with me. And I'm not doing anyone any harm. Are they quiet? It's very quiet man.

And then I get in my home. And I was shouting into the microphone obscenities. That I don't realize.

I don't realize what I'm really like. They don't realize I have. They probably don't realize I can talk.

Wow. So I discovered years and years and years ago. Something that's stayed with me for ever and ever and ever.

Is. Some people. Well first of all.

Every single person has a personality. Animals have personalities. I'm sure goldfish even have personalities.

If they had an opportunity to actually. Live a proper life. Which would be at the very minimum.

In a pond with other fish. Fish need to be with other fish. Oh crack.

Goes my ankle. I used to have a fish on its own. And it's got to be boring.

It really has got to be really, really boring. To be a goldfish. And having them in a little bowl.

Stunts their growth physically. Anatomically stunts their growth. Because that same fish.

If you put it into bigger water. A big pond. It will grow way bigger.

Way bigger. And they do move. And if you see a fish in a pond.

It doesn't just swim around in a circle. It's not its natural swimming technique. It'll want.

You know it wants to be able to swim around. I feel I quite like the idea of having. If I had the.

If like. So if I had the ground. You know the space.

To build a pond. But in the same process. Make it huge.

Like a really, really huge pond. That was also long. That kind of stretched all the way around the field or something.

You know. And just put goldfish in there. Put goldfish.

Let goldfish live there. And like in a natural kind of habitat. And then maybe in the winter.

You know. I don't know. Keep an eye on them as well.

Make sure they're okay. And perhaps. It could set it up.

So there's cameras underground. Filming them. And whatever.

You know. It's all kinds of things you can do. But feed them.

You know. But just have like maybe. Let's let them grow to thousands and thousands of little goldfish.

Becoming huge goldfish. But just to see how big they get. If they have that space.

To swim. And just to have fun. I think that'd be lovely.

I also have a little fantasy. I don't know if I should share my fantasies with you all. But hey.

I do. Here's another fantasy. Ferret world.

Yep. You heard it. Ferret world.

I had this fantasy. I spoke to my friend about this. He kind of would like to do the same thing.

But with dogs. Sort of breed dogs. And have them.

That would be his ideal thing. He'd like to spend his life doing. Breeding dogs.

But having kennels. But have like big old space. And he loves dogs.

And you know. Do it like specialist breeds. Where people would pay for them.

But they'd also cherish. You know. Some people love specific breeds of dogs.

I don't understand it. I'll be honest with you. I don't get it.

There's a big part of it. He says. Well just get one from the pound.

Get one from the charity. You know. Whatever.

Get one. Get a rescue dog. But that's like really telling somebody that wants a baby.

And longs for a baby. Is for whatever reason. Unable to have one themselves.

Medical reasons. Or whatever it might be. They long for that.

To have a baby in their arms. And to. You know.

Bring up a baby. From. You know.

From being a baby. I don't want to keep saying the word baby. So you could say.

Yeah. Why don't you. Why don't you foster.

Or why don't you adopt. You know. A 10 year old boy.

Or a 14 year old girl. They need. They need love too.

You know. They. It's so easy to go down that road.

Isn't it. Like Judna. When you.

Yeah. When actually. The thing that that person is.

You know. They want. They need the baby.

They want. That's what they need. Emotionally.

So. If there's a baby to adopt. And it makes sense to the person that really longs for a baby.

To have a baby. And for those that aren't really fussy. They just want to be.

A loving parent. Or a guardian. Or foster parent.

Or whatever. Then. You know.

But they're going to be fussy as well though. Aren't they. Because I reckon some people.

Best will in the world. Might say. No teenagers.

Because. Either they've. Had.

They've dealt with teenagers before. They didn't. They couldn't handle it.

Or they don't. Didn't want teenagers. They just.

You know. They wanted someone. A younger stage.

Where they can sort of bring them up as their own. Because you know. If you get a 4 year old kid.

5 year old kid even. They're not going to remember much. Beyond that.

So. If you have a kid from the age of 5. They might have some memories. Of when they were little.

But. I think sometimes things like memories. They need to be.

Stimulated a little bit sometimes. In order to keep them going. See.

If you've got a 2 year old. And you. You had an ice cream with a 2 year old.

And you stuck. And the 2 year old. Let's say you've got.

You've got an ice cream. And you've got your little 2 year old son or daughter. To stick the ice cream in.

In a grandmother's face. Yeah. For fun.

Just as a joke. Kind of like. Stick it on her head or something.

Now. It's going to be hilarious. Well.

Not for her. But it's. It's going to be.

It's going to be fun for some people. And not for others. And I wouldn't like it done to me.

And. But I would like to watch other people having it done to them. Because.

I'm ridiculous. And. So that's a memory.

If you. If you're over the age of 7 or 8. You'll remember that forever. It's.

Because it's funny. And. And then you remember the shouting afterwards.

Whatever else. So it's. It's.

It's an experience that. There's a good chance you remember it. Also.

Because you'll mention it every now and then. Maybe. You know.

You. You talk about it when you get home. You'll talk about it.

Perhaps when you go to school. If you're. If you're.

When you're 2 years old. So you won't. But.

You might. Try and tell other people. We might not be able to speak yet.

Properly. But. You know.

It'll be kind of. Be reminded and stuff. But there's a chance that.

You know. Over time. If no one else mentions it.

It'll be forgotten. But if that kid was 6 or 7. They're going to remember it. But.

If you filmed it. You actually filmed it. You know.

Had a video camera. Or your phone. Or whatever.

Filmed it being done. And you. And you kept showing your kid the video of the.

Of it happening. Your kid would be laughing. And then.

You know. Every now and then. You know.

Maybe every few months. Your kid might say. I'll have a look at that now.

And you talk about it. So your kid will grow up. 2, 3, 4, 5. Or remembering that thing.

And I've got no idea why I'm talking about this. But. I think that's.

That can be the power of photographs. And videos. And stuff.

I mean. I don't have any. Horrible children.

But. If. I don't have any kids.

But. If. If I did.

I'd probably want to take lots of videos. And stuff. I imagine.

That's probably kind of. My. Now.

I think. It'd definitely be a lot of. You know.

Birthdays. Christmas. Stuff like that.

I'd be filming it. But then. I think if I had a kid.

I'd probably. Be making vlogs. And stuff.

With the kid. So. I'd.

And I'd want to teach the kid. I want to keep calling it the kid. The child.

Child. Come here. I want to teach you hypnosis.

Today. So. I could.

You know. I think. The two things.

I'd like to. If I had a kid. I would teach.

Whether it's a boy or girl. Makes no difference. I would teach that child certain things.

That would be. Kind of. My.

My goal. I think. Is.

To keep them safe. But. You know.

Obviously. Physically. They have to be kept safe.

Physically. I say. Obviously.

I mean. That's. That's.

You know. It's a. It's a definite thing. That needs to be done.

But. Emotionally as well. Emotionally is more important than physical.

Or equally as important as physical. Because if not. If they're not safe physically.

Then they'll be emotionally traumatized. Or troubled. Potentially by it.

So. I think my. My aim would be.

For that child. To grow up. Feeling secure.

Feeling confident. But not cocky. I don't want to.

I want a kid. That's. I don't want to know it all kid.

I can't stand that. It winds me up. Because.

Know it all's don't have any friends. Really. They really don't.

They. They're. They're annoying.

They might be not really nice. But as soon as they go into know it all. Em.

Because know it all's aren't. They're not always. They can't always be like that.

Otherwise they really wouldn't have any friends. So it's got to be periods when they're nice. And just.

You know. Same as anyone else. I guess.

But that know it all. Always. You know.

It's. I couldn't have a kid like that. I'd have to.

You know. I don't know. I just have.

Put them up for adoption or something. I don't know. I don't want to know it all kid.

Intelligent. So in order for me to have an intelligent kid. I'd have to find an intelligent woman.

Or an extra intelligent woman. Almost genius. To.

You know. To balance out my shortcomings. And my.

My. Em. Lack of brain.

Or whatever. So that would be. But I'd like to teach.

There's a couple of things I'd like to teach the kid. First thing is how to defend themselves physically. Now.

I've got enough experience. To know how to teach a child. To defend themselves.

Doesn't take much. But I know enough. Techniques.

Enough. Got enough experience. With martial arts and stuff.

To know how to just. Let them protect themselves. Without hurting the other person.

Without being hurt themselves. Physically. So to never use it.

Unless they have to. Because. You know.

Worse than having to know it all. Way worse than to have a bully. That is something I could not allow.

But you know. I would teach the child to meditate. But I would do it with him or her.

But from a very early age. So that it was almost. The same as going to the toilet.

Or going for a bath. Or eating. It was like a routine thing.

So little kids would just sit down and meditate with me. I don't know how I'd do it. But you know.

I'd find a way. I would teach them. Try and teach them how to communicate with other people.

In a way that doesn't cause problems for them. I'm not sure how I'd do that. But that would be something.

That's something that I'd wish for them. Because I didn't really have that myself. I would wish for them to be confident.

Physically confident. In a sense. If they show that they're confident.

But really feel it. Not to pretend to be confident. Which a lot of.

I think a lot of kids learn to do. Because it's. And adults do that as well.

They pretend to be confident. And pretend to be tough. And it.

It can be useful. Because it can. It can be life saving.

I guess sometimes. So I prefer just to run away screaming personally. No.

I ain't no hero. But I felt like that. Just teach them to be able to.

Self-defense. But not just physically. But verbally as well.

The one thing I've been able to do over the years. Is talk my way out of situations. And some situations.

Which I taught my way into. Which I didn't realize. I didn't know how I managed to do it.

And then I managed to talk my way out. So I guess. If my child doesn't already know how to do it.

Or doesn't have the natural ability. Which I think if I had a kid. I think they would.

I've got to find. Got to have something of me. Got to have.

You know what I mean. Be born with a belly. Be born with a big fat belly.

And cheese smelling ears. Like me. That's the only way it'll take after me.

Oh man. My biggest fear is. I had a baby right.

And the baby would be born. And it'd be a little girl. And I'd look at her.

And she had the same face as me. Like looking in the mirror. But a little version.

Or looking at her. And she's got the same size face as me. But just a girl with the same face as me.

I don't mean with the beard and stuff. I'm just. I wouldn't wish that on her.

It's just problems from the start. It's not fair. It's not fair.

So. You know I'm not going to go down a line saying only attractive people should breed. But if you want to be fair on your kids.

Yeah. Only attractive people breed. It's not fair on a kid.

You know. Mind you. I've actually.

I've been surprised sometimes. I've met someone. Like.

Really attractive girl. When I was younger. And I met her parents.

And I was like. Blimey. You adopted? How did you two manage to produce her? So it's almost like nature rejected their genes.

And decided just to do their own thing. They got together and thought. No.

No. This won't work. You know.

Sometimes things like putting bits together. Will this nose match those ears. And those eyes.

Are the legs long enough or too long. You know. It's like.

Gotta kind of even things out. Everyone. I think it's only fair for everybody to have some physical attribute that is good.

That they can sort of say. Yeah. I like that about myself.

Unfortunately. Nature is not always that kind. Is it? It's just.

I mean. I used to like my eye. Well.

Not like my eyes. I didn't used to kiss my eyes. And send them love letters.

But I used to think my eyes were okay. But not anymore. I used to think I had a nice bum.

But. Again. Not anymore.

I mean. I know I talk about sitting down. I literally.

If I sat down. Right. Not only am I taller than when I'm standing up.

I could actually save a kitten from a tree. If I sit down. I'm suddenly as tall as a tree.

My bum's so big. What to do though. I mean.

Every time. Every time I walk. And also.

I go in the bedroom. Because all my exercise equipment's in the bedroom now. Any time I go near the exercise bike.

It screams. Honestly. It does.

The saddle anyway. It's a scream. No.

No. Please. No.

All right. Blimey. That's rude.

You know. It's very rude. What else would I teach a kid.

I'd teach a kid hypnosis. I'd quite like to pass on some of my. I don't like to think of it as knowledge.

But my understanding of what hypnosis is. Yeah. I think I've got a particular.

I understand it. I think a little bit different to how it would be explained on a website or even in books. I've kind of come to my own idea of what hypnosis actually is.

I think I'd quite like to. Maybe subtly. But I'd quite like to pass on some of my.

Some of my little. I must have a little bit of knowledge somewhere. I don't know what.

I must have. Because you know. I've been studying hypnosis and psychology and psychotherapy and counseling and even philosophy actually.

You know for a long time. Many many decades in fact. Decades.

And if you was to sit me down and just ask me. Explain hypnosis to me. And just stare at me.

I wouldn't answer you. I want to know how you got into my home. But I wouldn't.

I wouldn't ask. I wouldn't answer. Because I've had that in the past.

I had some woman. She was a counselor. This before I became a counselor.

But I was volunteering in a place. And I was doing hypnosis. She said I'll give you a lift home.

I said alright. I thought I'd pulled. And she pulled into a garage.

A petrol station. Parked up. And started drilling me with questions.

That's not what I. Drilling was. Yeah. It wasn't the nice kind.

And she just. Question after question after question. I felt drained at the end of it.

Why are you asking me all this stuff. I don't want to answer lots of questions. What is the point in this conversation.

I didn't understand. I couldn't get it. It's like there's no point in this.

This is just her gaining something from me. But I couldn't see any gain in it for myself. Or any point in it.

It wasn't even that I needed to have something to gain anything. But I didn't see the point. And I had a friend that said that to me.

No. I'm just going to continue watching Gladiator. Thanks.

Have you got any more beers in the fridge. Sit here and explain how something works so that you can understand it. If you want to know about hypnosis read a book.

Read a book. I'm not. Go online.

Google it. I'm not here to teach. Maybe that's a wrong attitude.

I don't know. It's something about. I think being put on the spot like that.

And expected to. I think my brain freezes a little bit in those situations. Especially as the way I work is.

I. Well the way I study. Andre. Hello mate.

No. You keep away from underneath my desk. Poo head.

Looking for someone to go to the toilet. I know you are. Hey.

I picked him up. Hello darling. Hello baby boy.

I didn't see him hardly at all today. And then I was in the toilet. And suddenly I felt him behind me.

It sounds like a weird weird story doesn't it. I was in the toilet and suddenly I felt him behind me. Now he was brushing against my ankle.

He was brushing something against my ankle. And I thought oh my little baby. I gave him the biggest kisses and cuddles.

Didn't we have the biggest cuddles. Yeah. Oh it's my favorite thing in the whole world.

Cuddling him. I think that just shows how immature I am. The only person I can have a loving.

Well loving but you know a relationship with is a ferret. The only person I can show any kind of emotion towards is my little baby boy. Yeah.

Well I am a father aren't I actually. I'm a father to this one. Yeah.

Yes I am. I'm your daddy. Do you love your daddy.

No go away. You're not my real dad. Yes I am.

Yes I am. I am your real dad. And you're my real son.

Yes you are. I know we're supposed to get attached to humans. It's kind of a supposed to be a normal process.

But I generally I'm not attached really to any human at all. Not really attached. I've got friends.

I've got people that I that I talk to and I've got people trying to help. I like helping people. You know it's hence why I do this.

So I think helping people is the most amazing thing in the world. It's healthy. It's it's just such a you know it's a good thing to do.

It's the right thing to do for me anyway. Isn't it. You don't help no one.

You just talk crap because you you've got no one else to talk to. So you talk to the microphone. The microphone is your best friend.

Shut up you little monkey. You're the monkey. You're the little monkey.

Are you my little monkey? Are you my little monkey? Are ya? Are ya? Are ya? Yes. You're my little baby boy. You're daddy's little baby boy.

Yes you are. Yes you are. She's a quirky girl.

You are special. You are special. You are.

I don't know what it is about you. Okay. He definitely knows how to let me know.

Did you hear that? It's quite quiet but he's like It's basically put me down. So I know by his sounds what he wants. It's weird isn't it.

I even know when he wants me to change his water. He almost has a way of telling me. But it's not as obvious as his uncle.

Like his uncle who was also a ferret. What he used to do is when he wanted more food he would knock the dish and he'd keep knocking the dish until he got his food. So if the dish was empty he'd knock it with his nose and push it over and he'd keep pushing it over and banging it until my friend got him his food.

Now Andre sometimes does that but he's he's pretty good. He'll just stare at me until I get it for him or come up to me. And because it usually because I keep it in the cupboard in the the bathroom his food what he'll do he'll come in the bathroom with me and he'll start um you know scratching at the at the door of the cupboard.

So what I do is I look to see if his bowl's got any food in it left and if there's nothing in there I know that he wants some food. Sometimes he just wants to go in the cupboard. Maybe it's all he ever wants and I'm just connecting two completely separate events into one because unfortunately I have a human brain.

It's that little superstitious side of the brain the stupid side which connects things which aren't really connected. I remember there was this period when my dad was in a good mood. I don't know what it was I don't know what why but he for some reason he well I guess things were going well for him and this is when I was a kid.

So I was about 14 probably 13. I don't know early teens. And I came home one day and there was a I think there was I don't know if he had a snooker table or maybe he had he bought a computer something like that.

He bought a first the first computer which was was it ZX or whatever you know I don't know. I had zero interest in computers. I mean literally zero interest but what I liked is that he was happy and my brothers were happy and they were interested in the computer and I enjoyed the vibe of it.

Does that make sense? No interest in computers. I still kind of don't really not my interest in like a laptop or computer is what can it do for me not what can I get it to do what can it do for me. You know without me having to pump in lots of code and stuff I don't want that.

I'm not a coder. If I wanted to be a coder I would be a coder and I'd be if I if I went down that road I'd have to devote my life to it. But I'd have to because I can't do things half-hearted if I'm gonna do something I have to do it all the time devote my life to what I'm doing which is what I do with this might not seem like it you ain't devote your life you do an hour recording of talking about nothing that's not devoting your life.

I spend more time on the toilet. There's a lot more going on behind the scenes. This isn't the only podcast recording I do and there's other stuff there's more goes into it.

Blimey and I mean I've been uploading all day for three days solid as well as doing other stuff editing you know there's a lot involved and tomorrow I will start the process of probably making some new videos as well as learning to use the audio editing software the Adobe Audition.

I know a little bit about it and I've used it a little bit but tomorrow I'm going to start properly working on that to hopefully maybe repair some of the older recordings as well make them a bit better get rid of some of the background sound and stuff if I got into coding I would I probably stop doing this because all my time all my energy all my everything would be focused on that and the fact is I probably enjoy it as much if not more than doing this who knows whatever I end up doing

you know I I end up enjoying it because that's all I do is I focus on it and I do it that's all I do it's all I think about but I'm not into coding I'm not really that interested but if I did catch the bug of something like that that's me I'm gone that's all I'll be doing and that happened with website building back in 2000 I was obsessed with it obsessed and I was having the time of my life honestly I was enjoying it absolutely loving every single day oh I was loving it

it was brilliant really really loved it and I did it for about a year and a half solid and I learned how to build websites and and then I just stopped that was a bit of a boring ending to the story wasn't it perhaps I need to add a helicopter chase and but I was obsessed really obsessed with it and again just like most things I've seen to do my thought was going towards I can build websites how can I raise money for charity that's how my brain goes it's not because I'm a nice person

it's just I don't know I think it's something wrong with me I just have my brain's a bit faulty I just want to help people and I don't know I don't know why and there's not there's no benefit to me to do that but there is a benefit because it feels good sometimes but for me I've always I've always needed a purpose I've had lots of purposes over the years for a while it was martial arts other times it was well websites when I was doing sales my first you know during 2002 2003 but for

2000 yeah 2002 really was the main I was obsessed with that that's all I did all I thought about what other things have I been interested in but I don't do interested I do obsessive obsessed in obsessed with and but I don't have that with humans I don't get obsessed with humans which is lucky I guess really for me I for me this is a lifestyle now doing helping people while you know trying to make recordings that are useful for people how Andre's just run towards me and he's got his slipper in his mouth I've

got to take a picture of this slipper now I'm gonna have to do that I'm gonna try and get it onto a white background and just take a picture of it just so you can see just because I don't know if there might be some pictures of Andre with it but I'm sure I made a couple of videos where I held it up but just so you can see it I get an idea of it's horrible it's honestly this I'm not sure words can really Andre just eat the food yeah food is there nothing wrong

with it it's only been there a little while eat it you don't have to eat it it's up to you you're not having any new food there I'm not putting new food there new food there he wants me to put him out some new food it's only been out there for a couple of hours if he doesn't eat it he's gonna have to you know oh that's a bit cruel it's not cruel at all it's not look he turns his nose up sometimes I got some food from the other day and it was jelly I

managed to get him some from the shop this week some food that he does eat which is the ones this gravy he's eating it now so you know what he just did he went and had a drink he went and cleansed his palate then came back and the food is fine now that's funny he turned his nose up at the jelly the food of jelly yeah the cat food of jelly for nearly a week he wouldn't touch it eventually he gave in and have a little bit and he just you know so I really had

no choice but to go and try and find some stuff with gravy but you can't if he's willing to just not eat he was eating a dry food but he wouldn't touch it he hated it and then I take him for a walk and it's nothing more he'd love more rather than get down that drain into the sewers loves the smell of that he loves licking lampposts the bottom of lampposts and we all know what happens to lampposts it turns turns his nose up at a fresh packet of cat food because it's got jelly in

it now even if I take the jelly out which I did sometimes I'd completely spent about 10 minutes getting every little bit of jelly out so admittedly it's not a lot of not of chunks of food after you got the jelly out but I gave him just a chunks of food without the jelly still wouldn't touch it the only way he would go near it is if I mushed it all up and eventually he'd it's sort of I think he might just doesn't like the texture it's a bit like me like that there's certain things

I don't like eating because of not because of the taste but because of the texture of the thing and yeah so that's that's just a personal a personal ting I don't know what title I'm going to give this because I've got no idea what I've spoken about I must have talked about something I really don't know probably what are we doing do you need to have your nails cut again I need to give this place a good old tidy up I'll try and do that I'm going to try and do that over the next few

days I've got a few bits happening this week but and and then Monday and then yeah next week as well it's quite a busy day quite a busy week but I'd like to get this place tidied tidied up so there you go I'm gonna go thank you for listening and please remember to be kind to yourself because you deserve to be happy lots of love bye