#631 Let me bore you to sleep

Hello and welcome to Jason Newland dot com. My name's Jason Newland and this is Let me bore you to sleep. Please only listen when you can safely close your eyes.

And I hope you're well. This is a bank holiday Monday. I'm doing this a little bit late but that's fine.

The 5th of April 2020. And a couple of things I'm probably gonna, well one thing I want to discuss is the camera. That I got.

It's too damn good. That's the problem, okay. Too, it's too good.

The second thing is I'd like to read a couple of messages out that I had. A couple of literally just had come through on my website. The website's a good place to send me messages.

You can leave a review. Yeah, I've actually got a review page on my website where you can leave a review. So the nice things you said and I'm pointing out the nice things because if you write something horrible I'm not going to have that published on my website.

Weird that innit. But you know nice things you say will be shared with others. Or you can send me a message which is private.

So I've had, this is from Lottie. Left a five-star review on my website. Hi Jason.

It's just literally just received it. Lottie left a five-star review. Okay right.

Thank you so much is the headline for it. Honestly, your podcasts have changed my life. I struggle with misophonia and nasty thoughts at night and your podcasts mean I fall asleep within minutes instead of hours.

The frequent uploads mean I have a new audio every night which is great too. Thank you so much. Thank you Lottie.

That's really kind of you. I need to look up the name. I don't know what misophonia is.

I'm laughing at my own ignorance here by the way. That's why I'm laughing because I feel like I should know. Misophonia.

Okay. Misophonia is a disorder in which certain, this is from Web MD online. Misophonia is a disorder in which certain sounds trigger emotional or physiological responses that some might perceive as unreasonable given the circumstances.

Those who have misophonia might describe it as when a sound drives you crazy. Their reactions can range from anger and annoyance to panic and the need to flee. Okay.

I don't know much about. I can relate a little bit in a sense of I'm a very auditory person. Hello Andre.

Oh. You want to come and give me a cuddle? No, you don't want to give me cuddles. Okay.

He's just had a big cuddles and kisses about five minutes ago. So he's had enough of me. He's had something to eat, had some water, probably gone off, done a poo somewhere.

Now he's playing in the behind behind the settee. Yeah. I'm, I'm predominantly an auditory person rather than a visual person.

So I, I can definitely in the past have had a very overactive and I, I generally try not to choose my words carefully, but sometimes I do. And using words like overactive imagination, almost, it seems like a put down, you know, having an imagination is an amazing thing. It's one of the most brilliant things that as humans that we have.

And I don't know if animals have them. If I don't know, um, who knows, you know, but we have them. And it's one of those things that can be a cause of huge pleasure.

But at the same, you know, it can also be a cause of, you know, a lot of pain. But imagination, if it wasn't for imagination, we had, there'd be nothing. Every invention, every story told, every, um, bit of music, every, everything ever created has come from the imagination of somebody.

So, but in my days of, you know, in the past I've had, that there was a sound I'd kind of, I still do it actually sometimes I've got neighbours that, um, will have arguments and screaming and shouting each other. And that triggers me. So, okay.

I know I'm, I'm not aiming as necessary at Lottie, but I'll talk directly to you, but also anyone else. My biggest trigger when it comes to sounds is shouting. Um, especially when I can't see what's happening.

So if I hear, you know, if I hear someone shouting, um, or screaming or stuff like that, I don't mind if I can see it. Yeah, I still don't like it. But if it's two people shouting each other in the street, um, I can even have a sense of humour over it and laugh at them, or maybe even get in a way and stop them from fighting or whatever.

But I can see what's happening. So that part of them, there's no imagination needed because it's, you know, reality's there. And so, yeah, that's, that is one of my big triggers.

Uh, I don't have many, um, that really, uh, set me off, but there was, I had a bloke across the road, um, he got arrested and put in prison, which is good. Uh, but he was shouting all the time, um, at his dog, but I could hear him shouting, you know, he was across, he wasn't in my block, he was, you know, quite a while away, but I could hear him shouting. And I remember laying in bed on a Saturday afternoon, laying on the bed, just almost regressing, you know, it's like back to a child and like feeling helpless.

And I wanted to go out and just bash him up. I did. I really wanted it to stop.

And I thought, is he causing harm? Is he all that stuff? Well, it turned out he was, and he got arrested and went to prison. Um, so just, I don't want to sort of focus on that, but yeah, I suppose hearing Lottie's story there just and reading the, the Andre, will you shut up? I don't know what he's doing. He loves bubble wrap.

Well, anyone that saw my Facebook page the other day, uh, put a post on there with Andre enjoying some bubble wrap, him and his slipper were enjoying some bubble wrap. That's all I'm saying. And he's behind the settee enjoying some bubble wrap, but his slippers here in front of me.

So I don't know. Oh my goodness. You don't reckon he's cheating on the slipper.

He's got another girlfriend behind there. Wow. I wonder what it could be.

Maybe it's the snake. Maybe he's got no snakes over there. Wow.

What could it be? These he's cheating on the slipper with what would you choose a sock, an old flannel? I mean, what would you cheat on a slipper with? Shoe. I mean, he's got shoes. He's got old shoes and all kinds of stuff here of mine, stuff that he's hidden.

He's stolen from me. When he was a baby or when he was little, he's still little, but you know, he used to steal stuff. I'd come home and my slipper, like one slip would be missing or sometimes both would be missing.

And I'd have to search for them to be hidden under the bed or the sofa or in the kitchen or in the bathroom. He'd hide them. I didn't realise at the time what he was up to.

Otherwise I wouldn't have been putting my feet back into the slippers. Let's move on from that. Oh, so the I I'm OK.

It's weird. Sometimes, sometimes I go into counsellor mode. It's not very often, but sometimes and I seem to have gone a little bit into counsellor mode, starting wanting to to help Lottie.

But according to the message, I am. By doing this and doing the recordings, I do. So thank you, Lottie, for the message.

I really appreciate that. I've got another message from Mary. I'll be calling her Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary of every every name, but the right one, Mary, as in marry me.

So Mary says, hi, Jason and Andre. I really laughed the other night at your Welsh accent. Oi, oi, I thought you were impersonating the son in Steptoes and Son.

You are a very, very dirty man. You are. You are a filthy, filthy man.

Oh, father, all I want is a girlfriend and you always have to be here all the time. I'm going a little bit. Yeah, you're filthy, filthy man.

I'm going to do so I can't do that. Did you get my scones? You are a dirty, dirty man. Oh, OK.

I thought you were impersonating. OK. I love hearing your stories.

Natural storyteller. Oh, thank you. Be.

Mary. OK, Mary, Mary, Mary. Remember a vas in Mary.

Vas. I don't know. Yeah, I'll eventually.

You know what, Mary? There is there's about three people. All female, I think that I pronounce their names wrongly. I don't mean to.

I don't. Sometimes. OK, sometimes I might do it on purpose, but then I forget the real way to do it.

If I mess around too much, I forget the real pronunciation or I think it should be pronunciation. That should be when you think of all the words you're pronouncing something. So why don't we pronounce? Pronunciation, pronunciation when it's pronouncing.

Yes, a wordsmith, you didn't realise, did you? No, because you're not. I've also if I come out of here and come over here. Facebook, Facebook had a message on Facebook.

Just read it. I think I replied. I think so.

OK, where is it? This is from Karen. Oh, this is the one. All right.

No, she sent me a message. Now she sent another one. I just thought, that's not the one I read earlier.

So this one says this one. Karen is on Facebook. She sent me a message, says, Hi, Jason.

I was wondering if I could make a suggestion for the podcasts. It would be really great if there was a little more description in the details section for each podcast. I find that I'm looking for a counting down on one, for a counting down one, say.

I had to play forward, see if it is one, then go back to the beginning. I just listened to the last two boring new ones while I've been awake, feeling unwell. I enjoyed your trip to Argos.

Ha ha. That is the kind of thing I would pick up on in the assistant Karen. And I've replied, Hi, Karen.

Don't tell me what to do. Do I want to do? No, I didn't. I said, oh, I tried to do this.

I tell you the problem, though, is I kind of forget what I've done. That might sound weird. Like you can understand it with these with the Let Me Bore You To Sleep.

Karen might not be listening to this. So but I will. I have responded.

I replied. So it's understandable. I think I think it's fair for me not to really know what I've talked about.

In the in these recordings, simply because I'm just waffling on and some would say that I don't necessarily or always stick to the subject in hand. And I'm probably going to agree with you on that one. I think that's part of the charm.

It might not be. It might be part of the annoyance. And I'm fine either way.

I don't really care. I can only be me. I can only I can only do me, me, whatever me is on that day.

And I'm kind of I do try. I try and make these light. Sometimes I talk about serious stuff.

I did just now at the beginning. But I try and make things light. Talk about silly stuff.

Sometimes, sometimes I talk about things that happened have annoyed me. But in the past, I have gone a bit deep at times. But generally, I don't, you know, if you listen to me regularly, a lot, a lot of it, some would argue, some may say, my, I just talk a bunch of crap.

Some may say, you, maybe I do. Maybe I talk a bit silly, silly stuff. But I don't mind.

Because I don't want people listening to this if they don't enjoy listening to it. If it don't, I don't want people, this isn't something that you have to do. We're not at school anymore.

Well, maybe some people at school. But, you know, this isn't, you know, work, you know, you're not being told what to do. I don't tell you what to do.

No one can make you listen to this. So it's a choice. And I think the more things that we choose to do in life, the freer we become.

So if you and also, the more we realize that everything we do pretty much is a choice, the freer we become. It just can take a bit of time to get your head around it. Especially if, if you're feeling that you're not, you're doing something that you don't like, you know, maybe a job or something like that.

Or in a relationship that you're not enjoying or whatever. Then you realize that you're choosing to do that. But I'm not choosing it.

Yeah, we all are. It's hard. It's a hard, it's a hard sausage to bite into.

It's a hard sausage to swallow. It really is. It's one of those things like oh, but yeah.

We're responsible for our own lives. We're responsible. I want to be, I want to, I don't want to be responsible for myself.

I really don't. I want, I want someone to cook me dinner and to look after me. And no one does.

No one ever has, apart from when I was a child. But this part of me does want that. You know, I kind of, I do.

No matter how hard I get, I feel, there's still a part of me feels that I need burping. You know, I need, pat me on the back till I do a burp. Oh, I've got gas.

Help me with my gas. Someone to do my shoelaces up. Mind you, that's my belly gets in the way now.

Before it was just laziness. I could do my shoelaces up like from a very early age. But when I was in a children's home, we had these support workers.

And I don't know, I just like to get them to do stuff for me. And in case you think, oh, that's perfect. I was, I was six years old.

So you can't judge me on it. You can't judge me. I want to look down the tops of girls.

Because I was six. You can't judge me on it. So you can't judge me.

If I said I did it now. Perfect. No, I was five and six years old.

I was fascinated by ladies. Weird. I don't know why I was fascinated.

I don't understand it. And you say, yeah, that's because of all the stuff you watch on TV. I was living in a with Catholic nuns.

How much dirty stuff did you think I saw on television? Zero. I didn't see anything on television. There was no internet.

Yeah, it's not natural. It's something you, you know, you're indoctrinated into. Well, okay.

If you believe that. It was natural for me. I was fascinated by the ladies.

Not anymore. I'm too old now. But back then, I reached my peak at seven.

Could you believe it? No. I was I was absolutely fascinated by females. I just thought that they were lovely.

And I'm not talking just just they were just fun. I always found girls to be way more fun than boys. Generally.

Also crueler as well at times with school. Really like a cut, cut through. Painful, you know, that that put down stuff I could never recover from.

But I loved girls didn't they didn't like me. No, never really liked me. It's I feel I've just I've been lucky.

I found a few really desperate ones over the years. No. Sounds terrible.

I hope not. Blimey. But it does bring me on to my next subject.

I filmed myself yesterday. I filmed myself. That sounds weird.

Okay, I made a video, a Jason Chats video, which is my vlog. I haven't done many recently, but I've done loads in the past on YouTube. Well, I learned how to edit it.

Very basic editing by, you know, cut and paste, cutting out bits and editing it into a video that was usable and I could upload to YouTube. Learned how to put some text on the screen. So that was there.

No special effects, nothing special, but just easily edited and uploaded without anything. Did a little bit with the audio. Made it a bit better.

So you know, I've been learning how to do that over the last couple of days. It finally sunk in. I was watching a few videos and it's like, oh, this is too hard.

Now. It's easy. And now like the very, very basics.

This is, you know, very basics, but sometimes the basics is all you really need. You can build on that. Anyway.

Oh no, I've still got to read this thing and I'll come back to that in a minute. Sorry about that. So Karen got back to me and she says, I said, I'll try this, you know, put in descriptions of the recordings.

So I'm going to try and do it with some of the other stuff that I do. You know, the whisper ones, the relaxation for stress and anxiety. Put a description in to make it a little bit easier to find stuff and maybe even organize, have a little bit more of an organization on the website and make groups of ones which have the up and down.

And I don't know, I'm just, I'm just like brain, brain farting ideas really. And Kevin got back to me and says, nice to hear from you. I imagine it is quite nice, isn't it? To hear from me.

Hope you don't mind me writing to you. It's getting a little bit too often. I don't know.

Let me have a look. What do you look like? I can't see that. No, I'm happy for you to contact me.

Of course I am. It's very nice. Especially if you do it through my website and you put it into the review that I like those.

I like the reviews. I don't get many. More contacted on Facebook and stuff.

But if you put a review on my website, I'm so grateful for that. And I don't know if anyone really reads them. I don't really don't know.

Anyway, I suffer from chronic pain. So I just found one of your on your website. I've only learned about podcasts recently.

So I'm still a bit hit and miss about finding things and saving. Yeah, I mean, Karen, the on the website, it's all. I've tried to organize things.

And there would be a lot more on there to listen to. But I just don't want to upload the really rubbish sounding ones. But there was I had some.

I would, in my opinion, were pretty good content wise. But quality of sound was. It wasn't just iffy, it was awful.

I didn't. How I didn't realize at the time, I think is because the reason I was focusing on videos, and I would strip the sound from the video, upload it to a podcast. And probably, you know, didn't even listen to it.

You know, I do it and I just didn't move on to the next one. So yeah, I don't know. I'm trying to think of an excuse, but I haven't really got any.

But I do aim to make more pain relief ones. Because I'm constantly, I'm kind of on the lookout for new ways to reduce the pain in my back, my lower back. That's an ongoing issue, which when things get back to normal, like with the doctor's surgeries opening up again, and like normal, you know, so we could just make appointments and go in.

I will make an appointment with a doctor and ask if he can, or she, whoever I get to see, will send me to the hospital and have an x-ray on my back to check and see what's going on. Because it is, it's not, it's not an injury. I know that.

This has been going on for 20 years. It's gradually, more than 20 years, in fact, it's gradually got to the point. Well, six years ago, it got to the point where I had to stop doing Taekwondo.

Because I was, it's a bit embarrassing, but it was actually really upsetting at the time. Yeah, I think it was either Tuesday or Thursday night. Oh, that's my punch bag.

And it was just a normal thing. We were running around. Wasn't that many people there.

And we're doing some kicks and stuff. And we were running around again. And I had to just lay down.

I think I was doing practice in the kicks. And if you know about Taekwondo, it's, it's mainly kicks. Of course, there's punching and there's blocking and there's all kinds of other stuff.

The higher you get up, the grading is this. There's huge amounts of different things you learn. I was, I was kind of middle grade.

So I wasn't low. I did about three or four. And what's it's gradings.

Always got first class pass, by the way, as I did when I did karate in school, always got first class pass. I don't know why. I'm excited to tell you that.

But I reckon I'm not really a proud person. I don't really do pride. But I, it's one of the few times in my life that I actually have felt good about myself, accomplished, or felt that I was perhaps good at something was after those gradings.

So I've probably done eight, nine gradings, 10, I don't know, over the years, different things. I didn't, but I always came out of it first class pass, all of them. And I was like, yeah, perhaps I'm good at this.

And I speak to my teacher and he said, no, it doesn't mean you're good. It just, he said, it just means that you, they're not really, he didn't, he didn't say that. Can you imagine putting you down? No, no, it just, just means you turned up.

They just want your money. No, I was good. I was, I don't know.

Yeah, I was okay. I've got a first class pass. I must have been pretty good.

And that sequence of getting pretty much 100% in an exam, or 90% in an exam, which I've never done in my life. So yeah, so it's pretty cool. Mind you, when I was at college or university, I never failed one piece of coursework.

And quite a few people in my class did. Yeah, every single one of them ended the course with a higher grade than me, because they handed their, because they could retake the coursework. And then they, you know, they got feedback and they'd end up with a much higher mark probably than I got.

Maybe, I don't know. But I didn't fail one bit of coursework. I feel I was quite pleased with that.

But I had quite a few that were capped at the 40% because I handed them in late. So that's pretty much happened all the way through the third year and probably halfway through the second year. I handed in stuff late.

I remember at the end of the second year, my tutor saying the highest you could get would be a 2.2 or 2.4, whatever. Like a third is the lowest, which is what I ended up with. But it was only because I handed this stuff in late, including the dissertation.

So I passed all the coursework. I wouldn't have got a first. So if you added up the scores on the doors, if I'd handed in my coursework on time, because they let you know what you would have got.

So let's say 67% capped at 40%. So, you know, you get, you can work it out. I would have got a second.

I was nowhere near getting a first. You know, my coursework would have to have been a lot better to get a first. But I'd have got a second if I'd have handed the stuff in on time.

But I never. Only in the first year and nothing a couple in the second year. But that is what it is.

At the time, I didn't care. Because I was focusing on being a counsellor. I was focusing on the practical side, where I completed my hours.

It was 100 hours of counselling with clients. I had to complete 100 hours to be qualified as a counsellor. Yeah, to be able to be qualified.

And then the third year is the degree year, you know, dissertation and stuff. Well, some people didn't even get to 60 hours before the end of the second year, they had to continue in the third year. I was the first to reach 100.

And I ended up doing I think 128 hours. And then they stopped me. I said, no more, we have to give the other people some hours, because they, you know, they need to get their hours in.

So it wasn't that I was better at counselling than anyone else, because there's no way of gauging that. And I'm sure everyone was just, just, as I said, just, there's no way of knowing, I don't know. But people kept coming back to see me.

So there's something in that. There was, wasn't always the case. You know, when I was working professionally, some clients wouldn't come, or didn't turn up for the first session.

That was the main one, is the first session. Once people turn up for the first session, most would come back for the second, most. But if they don't come for the first, then the chance of them turning up for the second is very, very slim.

And if they come for the first, they don't turn up for the second, the chance of them coming for the third is even slimmer than the first bit. It's, you know, it's very unlikely. Although it can happen if the person was legitimately ill for the second session.

Another thing that I achieved that no one else on my course did, it's not really an achievement, but we had to have personal therapy with a counsellor. So, you know, I had to be the client and have personal therapy. I think it was something like 12 hours.

That's, that's what we had to have. And they gave us a list of therapists that would give us a discounted rate because we were students. So we didn't have, you know, well, I didn't have a lot of money.

There was a couple there that were working. Well, actually quite a few were working, but I ended up, I think, I'm not sure if I started counselling in the first year, but I think I might have done. And I stayed with my counsellor for about two and a half years in therapy for two and a half years, every week for two and a half years.

And then onwards after that for about another six months, maybe, I think. Nobody else did that. Somebody had some, I think there was a couple hadn't even done 12 hours.

At the end of the course, I had to do it afterwards and then sort of provide proof. So I literally had, I don't know, probably well over 100, 100 therapy sessions, if not more. Because for me, I needed to be in both seats.

In my mind, I needed to be in both seats. Simultaneously, not simultaneously, but it almost felt like it was simultaneous because I'd, I might be seeing a client in the afternoon, or in the morning, and then go and have a counselling myself in the afternoon. So it might be in the same day, I'd be both a client and a counsellor.

And I liked it. I like counselling. Yeah, I do.

I do like, I've had a lot of counselling over the years. Maybe that's why. Maybe that's why I'm able to express myself.

Because I've, I've done it. You know, I've learned how to do it. I don't think it's always easy for people.

And I'm not sure it was easy for me when I was younger. It's hard to remember. But since 1997, I've had counselling, how many times? I had counselling then in 97, had a major, major incident.

Don't want to say incident. I don't know. So I'm not going to go into it.

But a major family trauma in 97. And, well, 96 and 97. So I ended up, well, I went to therapy to a counsellor in East London.

She fell asleep while I was talking to her. Stop laughing. Please stop laughing.

It's not, it is funny. But it's not at the same time. It's one of those, like, really? She fell asleep.

Yeah. I think that's when I realised that I was incredibly boring. And maybe, so I don't personally think that I've got a monotone voice, really.

I'm not, I don't think I've got a monotone voice. I actually think my voice is very exciting. Don't you agree? I mean, I don't talk like that, do I? The subject matter maybe is a bit, yeah, it's a, I mean, I hold to the theory that anything that you're not, anything that you're not interested in, is going to be boring to listen about it.

In a, on a certain level, you know. So I might be into collecting empty beer cans. Why? I don't know.

But that might be a thing. And I can talk to you about my empty beer can collection. And maybe I buy those from eBay, and they're from all over the world.

I've got every single brand of whatever can there is. Now, I can talk about that for an hour. There's going to be very few people that would wish to really listen, listen to it, and be able to do so without falling asleep.

So it's one of the things I try to be quite clear about. I sound like a politician. Let me be clear.

I want to be perfectly clear. Yeah, sure. Like any politician has ever actually been clear.

That's my back. That's not, that's my oh, so yeah, I hear that clicking. That's the punch bag.

I had a good old session on the punch bag earlier. That's a weird thing. My back doesn't hurt when I punch.

Even though I move my back around and you know, put in weight and turn in my hips and all that stuff. I don't know. It's weird.

It's a weird one. It's a good thing about the punch bag. And I've had punch bags for years.

I've had quite a few different ones over the years. But this one, when I broke my hand a couple of years ago, it dawned on me that I'm not punching right. Now, you know, I thought it's okay wearing gloves.

I mean, I guess for protecting your hands and making, you know, not hurting your hands, wearing gloves is obviously a really good idea. Punch bag, you know, boxing gloves or bag gloves. And I do have them.

And also got hand wraps and stuff, which I would wear when I was going to the boxing club back in, was it 2008, 2009. But I decided once my hand was healed, is to learn to punch without hurting my hands. So I don't use the gloves ever on a punch bag.

But I can punch, I never hurt my hands. No matter how hard I punch the punch bag, never hurt my hands, because I've learned the techniques of, I don't know, just ways of doing it. So I never hurt my hands, never hurt my wrists or my hands.

And I'm quite pleased really, because it means I broke my hand twice in the past. Hopefully, I'll never do it again. I don't want to.

And I've also got a punch bag to let out any frustrations and stuff. But it's, I don't know, I'm quite pleased because there's certain, like with karate and kung fu and stuff. I used to do Wing Chun.

I practiced those punches, because that's a side punch. And by that I mean, if you put your hands together like praying, and then put them out in front of you, and then make a fist. That's the way you punch with Wing Chun.

You don't punch like boxing. You punch. And also, it's the thing, it's kind of, you always aim it so the thing is in front of you, the target is in front of you, and you punch him with both your left and your right hand to the centre.

So whether it's the head, stomach, chest, whatever, it's kind of the centre of your body. But always moving, you know, but they're moving and it's almost like you've got a target in front of you that you're aiming at. So I do that punch, I do those punches on a punch bag.

And again, I can't hurt my hands anymore doing that. So that's cool. I don't know why I'm talking about that.

That's weird because my hands are quite, I don't know, when I put them into fists they're very tight. You know, my hands are not very loose. And I guess I might have damaged them I suppose.

I've definitely damaged my right hand twice quite badly. I lost a knuckle. Was it the right hand? Yeah.

Yeah, I lost one knuckle the first time. And I lost the little knuckle the second time. So, but what's happened is now the, so I've got the big, two big knuckles.

But the two little knuckles are now, well there's no knuckle there. But there's, you know, there's bone or whatever. They're now even.

So whichever way I put it, I don't know how to explain it, but it's more even. But the weird thing is on my left hand, my left hand is actually like tougher. I've never hurt my left hand.

It's almost like the knuckles are more, are, they're not so prominent as the right hand. The right hand, the big knuckle is very prominent. It proper sticks out really, way more than the left hand.

But I can't remember why I started Taekwondo. And I was, what? 2012, I think it was. Or was it 2000? No, 2011.

And there was this bloke, right? Fairly young, probably in his 20s. And we were both like sparring. He liked to try and hurt people.

And I didn't see the point in that. I don't hurt people. For me, sparring is about practicing the technique.

And I've had this situation a few times in the past. And it's for me, it's, it's easy to hurt someone in sparring if you do, if you purposely want to. You can accidentally do it, but, and everyone has at one point.

My worst one was when I was sparring, like a high, I think she's like brown belt. This is when I was at school. She's a brown belt female.

And the problem is, okay, she had, she was fairly short. She was lovely. I really liked her.

But she's very quiet. She's probably the same, pretty high as me. Maybe a little bit shorter, maybe five, six, five, five, five, four.

I don't know. But there was like, you had her face, I was not going to hit her in the face. I couldn't, couldn't, even in sparring, I couldn't hit her.

I could like do it, but pull it. I'll stop it before I got to the face. I hit a bloke in the face.

It's fine because it's, it's sparring and it's fine. I can't hit a girl in the face. Could never do that.

So the only other part, it was like hit him in the stomach. Couldn't hit her in the chest, obviously either. And so it was only this really fine line, because she was, um, there wasn't much room between her chest and like the hips area.

I'm trying to be, I'm trying to be sensible here. I'll talk about this. So, you know, she's quite short.

There wasn't much of a waste, like much room for me to, to really get a good punch. That's awful, isn't it? For me to get a really good punch in her stomach or kick or something. We were sparring, we were supposed to be doing this.

So really it was a case of blocking, but she was a lot better than me because she was a higher grade and it's a lot quicker, a lot stronger, you know, probably she was older as well. She's probably a lot stronger than I was actually. I was still a kid and she was, she was an adult, you know, she was probably 16, 17 at the time.

So she was a lot stronger than me, probably. Or anyway, they actually put her and another person against me, two against one in the sparring. It's not a full on, you know, they're not like two people just jumping at you.

But it's kind of like to try and block it and people, you know. Anyway, I was focusing on the other person because it was a boy and I could kick and punch him. I didn't realise that she was going to punch me and she punched me in the eye with my eye open.

My eye was still open and she punched me. So she had gloves and pads on. The only person, that's the only person ever hurt me with a punch in my life.

I was practically crying. I couldn't see. I thought she'd like destroyed my eyeball because literally and it was never ever happened.

No one's ever been, no one hurt me in my life ever with a punch before that or since. I don't know how. It's almost like I must have opened my eye as what maybe I was looking.

Yeah, perhaps I shouldn't have been looking, but it's almost like my eye was extra wide. Someone came along, just opened my eye up nice and wide and go on punch and a hand went inside my eye. It was really weird.

Very, it's like I've never had a black eye. I've been punched in the eye in the past. Didn't get a black eye then.

The only time I had had a black eye was when I walked into a lamppost and I think I was walking backwards shouting out obscenities to someone and then I turned around and smacked right into the lamppost, like concrete lamppost, not a metal one, concrete and I was on the floor. I mean, yeah, I think I probably got concussed to be honest and I might have been running. I don't know.

It's a long time ago and as I was walking home because, you know, it's probably at about 10 minutes before I got home, I could just feel, it was like, I could feel my pulse in my eye and I could feel it growing and growing and growing and I had this huge belter of a black eye for a good like week and a half or however long they last. I loved it. I did.

I could pretend that I'd been in a big fight. That's brilliant. I've got a black eye.

I can now prove that I've had a fight. But yeah, a bit childish really, isn't it? I bet childish. Anyway, this kid or this man in Taekwondo and he always used to like punch hard and when he blocked, he really blocked hard.

Yeah. Part of blocking is you hurt the other person's arm. Now, that's not really part of Taekwondo.

It's part of Kung Fu. It's part of Wing Chun is someone goes to punch or kick you, you really damage their limb with the block. So give them a dead leg or a dead arm or something.

That's kind of part of it. With Karate, it was always a case of you block really quick so you can do a counter punch or counter kick. And I'm not saying that hurt their arm isn't part of it, but it didn't seem to with training.

I didn't seem to really be part of it as much as with Wing Chun and Jeet Kune Do as well, which I did. But this bloke, he kept hurting me. He kept really bashing my arm with his bony, the boniest arms in the world.

He was normal apart from his arms that were just skeletons made of metal. I don't know. I didn't like him.

It really annoyed me because I didn't hurt him back, but it's like so easy to hurt someone in sparring. And I didn't want to be hurt because I wanted to come back the next two days later and carry on training. For me, I don't need to train to know how to hurt someone.

It wasn't why I was there. I was there for the fitness and flexibility and I don't know, a bit social. And it was always a dream to get a black belt.

And I really liked the club and the instructor was brilliant. So lovely. And he didn't start learning Taekwondo until he was 50.

So that gave me a lot more, maybe 40. Yeah, 40 probably. So that gave me a lot because I was, yeah, I just turned 40 myself.

I thought, yeah, 40. I was 40 at the time. So that made me like, yeah, okay.

Got an instructor that I can kind of relate to. But this bloke, the one that used to try and hurt me and hurt everyone he did with, he sparred with, he said to me, I don't think you're holding your hands right. I don't know if you're doing a fist properly.

Are you joking me? I was like, what are you talking about? There's only one way that you do a fist. There's no other way. And it's like, I've been doing this for 20, I've been doing this when you was a baby.

He was a baby when I started doing this stuff. I didn't say that because I didn't want him to hurt me. Then there was another person there who was my friend.

He was annoying. He was my friend, but he used to love trying to hurt me. But at least I knew he was doing it and he was very blatant with it.

If he could give me a dead leg, he would. And he found it hilarious, which is annoying. But unfortunately, because he was too good for me to hurt him, which was annoying because I, you know, normally I can just, well, I can do the same to the other person, but he, he was, he was super fit and he actually, he was a former kickboxer.

So he went, he went there and he was outperforming everyone with his kicks. He just could kick really well. He'd kick you and you'd end up the other side of the hall.

And he loved it. He's a show off, but he's funny as well. Really friendly.

And, uh, he got his black belt. We started at the same time and he got his black belt after about two, two and a half years. I haven't seen him for ages, ages and ages, but it really, I could see it increased his, he was confident to start with, but it increased his confidence.

I think doing that. And, but his hands weren't very good. Like he had very, not weak hands, but I think fragile hands.

I think maybe he damaged them in the past because part of the, the very first grading, you have to do press ups on your knuckles at the grading. And he was worried about it because of his hands. And I think that's why he chose to do Taekwondo because it is about kicking.

It's so much about you. It's punching as well, but kicking and that's what he was good at. Brilliant at kicking actually.

One of the best kickers I've seen. Not so much for height. He could do height, but for the strength, the strength of his kicks and the speed and the strength, he'd, he just, he used to knock people over.

And, and it was funny to watch because there'd be people there that were a lot more experienced than him, like brown belts and that. And he'd be, he'd only have been there maybe six months and he'd be sparring with them and he'd just be kicking them all around the place. They didn't stand a chance with him because they couldn't get near him.

So it was, it was quite good. I found that funny. I just didn't like it when he was doing it to me.

What else? Yeah, this is the bit I was going to talk about, but I didn't get around to it. So maybe I'll talk about it tomorrow. I'll briefly mention it.

Basically I made a video yesterday, edited it today and realised that I look awful. I just, the picture's too clear. It's not that the picture's bad.

It's just that the picture's too good. Yeah. It's a little bit like the sound quality of these podcasts are a lot better than they used to be.

And the picture of, on the video is a lot better now with the camera. But with the sound, it doesn't make me sound worse. I mean, it's an obvious thing, I guess, but I don't sound worse with this, with the, like with a decent microphone, the best microphone I've ever had, I don't sound worse.

But with the best camera potential I've ever had, I look worse. It's weird. So unless I can find a way to, I don't know, I might end up just sticking to the podcasts.

I know that might sound weird. I haven't just bought the camera, but I may just use it to make films of Andre. Film him and post that on YouTube.

Might seem like a weird thing to do, but hey. And I might, I might make some videos just for my personal collection. That sounds very weird.

Got some weird noises coming from the wall. So yeah, I might, yeah, just make some vlogs, but just for me and just keep them just as a, like a diary really, I guess. I don't know.

We'll see. We'll see. We'll see.

We'll see. We'll see. I'm going to look into it.

But for now, I'm going to go. So thank you for listening. Remember to be kind to yourself because you deserve to be happy.

Do something nice for yourself today. Lots of love. Bye.