#614 Let me bore you to sleep

Hello and welcome to jasonnewland.com. My name is Jason Newland. Welcome to Let Me Bore You to Sleep. And please only listen when you can safely close your eyes.

I'll say a quick hello to Ting Tong on Facebook and keeps saying how are you and Andre keeping groovy thank you. So hello TikTok Ting Tong brother.

I don't know who Ting Tong is but he's a friend on Facebook and first contact was the 7th of March asking please can I see your ferret I enjoy your podcasts so I posted a picture of little Andre and TikTok says Ting Tong brother says he's a beautiful boy so yeah he is he's a naughty boy he's a very very naughty boy at times um just looking to see if I've got any other messages I've got a message from Riley Fox saying this is Tuesday um hey Jason hope you are well I listened to a

sleep hypnosis for the first time in Su Long last night I forgot how relaxing your content is thank you Riley I do aim to please I rarely please but I do aim I have my aim isn't always so great but there you go Rachel sent me a YouTube video that I couldn't open for some reason on Monday so um she sent a picture of a mouse trap where she caught a mouse so Rachel can you please send me the link to where I can buy that exact mouse trap thank you very much Molly hi Molly

um for some reason I'm having trouble opening YouTube video links that are sent on messenger don't know why don't know why um but so I couldn't open it but she sent me a message saying my daughter watched this recently and made me think of your mouse it's not my mouse I've kept the kitchen door closed or well I say all the time but I have to open it when I go through it because I'm not a ghost but I I've not seen it or heard it at all for over a week now you might say

well yeah so well every time I went in there I was seeing it for about four days in a row suddenly I'm in there I'm not suddenly in there I'm gonna just go in there it's not a dramatic moment like suddenly I'm in the kitchen again I'm cooking some spaghetti do do do do do do wake up suddenly I'm in the kitchen again nothing like that that was a bit rubbish wasn't it um yeah no other messages I might have some messages but I just don't realize I've got them because on my phone I can't

open up some of the messages that I get on Facebook however if I go on to the iPad sometimes I can wow I've not deep sleep whisper 305 70 blimey I'm well uh this is bad this is bad I've made quite a few recordings I've made a few today including one yesterday I've not even upload I've uploaded them to the to the podcast but I've not shared them on Facebook yet I'm like a day behind sorry I'm literally blimey wow wow I mean I think there's like one two three four five six seven seven recordings

I think that I haven't actually uploaded but I've up the I've not shared on Facebook or Twitter Twitter Twitter let's see what other so I've got no messages on that one let's see if I've got any messages on the let me put you to sleep nothing I go through phases where I get lots and lots of messages and other times I get nothing nothing at all um so if you've got a message if you have a message from me I'd be happy to read it out loud I do that anyway when I read stuff I

read it out loud because I'm three years old uh no I'm happy to you know read out messages for people and I've started doing two versions the let me bore you to sleep recordings there's the just the standard one which lasts for about an hour then there's the second version which is with music and that one lasts for two hours because the music carries on for another hour after the recording finishes and it's really nice music I use the same music every time and two reasons for that really is because I think it's music and

there's that link between hearing that music and drifting off to sleep you know there's also that noisy ferret in the background I don't know if you can hear him but he is on date night isn't he always you know what even though right even though it's been cold outside all week pretty much every day for the last seven days cold windy and cold although it wasn't too bad today but generally Andre it's spring suddenly in his head in his bones in his physiology everything is like it's springtime daddy time to start going out again and

that's what I've been doing I took him out I've take started taking him out during the day at least once and then he wants to go out in the evening as well and he's gone he's gone back to doing that thing that he hasn't done for ages and ages since the last time it was decent weather is I'll get up off the chair and suddenly he appears anytime I go near the front door suddenly he's there wanting to go out even though it's really cold outside he don't care it's spring it's very much like a

middle-aged man with a thermostat to the central heating I'm being generalizing here obviously obviously that the kind of man that in their brain or lack of it believes that the heating should only come on in October and it should go off at the end of March is that kind of that mentality the central heating can't be on after March and it can't go on before October even though it can be absolutely freezing cold in April even in May you can have really really cold days and nights nights probably more often September can be really cold

at night so it can be nice during the day and night it can be cold at night but no we can't have the central heating on because it's not winter yet you know well that's what he's got that's what Andre's got it's spring don't care how cold it is it's spring I must I must rub against every single thing I can possibly manage whilst I'm outside and he does and he loves it and then also because it's cold and it's wet and it's been raining constantly and he's digging in the dirt or in the mud

digging in the mud I'm getting wet he don't he don't care he don't care that I'm getting wet but he don't care that it's raining loves it he'd have me walking around at three o'clock in the morning taking him for walks if he could ain't gonna happen no never unless I was with someone if I was with my friend and his giant dog then yeah I will go out at all times at night but I'm not going out on my own not with a little ferret because I can't see what's around because it's pitch black

out there so it's not really so much about me it's him if there's a dog running around or a cat I can't see or some idiot on a bicycle with no lights on that happens I mean yes last night right it was it wasn't late about seven o'clock took him for a walk and he's on his extended lead so he's quite he's probably a good I don't know 12 foot away from me 34 something like that this is quite a distance away and he starts running ahead of me a little bit so I'm kind of

parallel to him and I see this cat chasing him but Andre's oblivious to it he's got no interest he doesn't think that he's got any anything to be concerned about ever and that's how it should be he's not living in the wild doesn't have to live in fear you know constantly our predators or anything like that not that ferrets are particularly scared they're just very tough animals you know too tough really sort of tough in a way that could be dangerous to them because they will take on like in the wild I've seen videos where

a ferret or a pole cat will take on animals way bigger than them and even snakes like big snake and they'll win sometimes it lets you win against the snake like blimey now Andre he wouldn't if he saw a snake he'd probably try and shag it honestly he hasn't got any kind of and I say that because I found him humping his snake the other day because he's got a snake it's a pink snake big it's not a real snake by the way it's a stuffed toy and he's had it since he was a baby

it's one of the first toys I bought him and he doesn't like me touching it and if I touch it he grabs it off me and he runs away he runs into another room and this snake's like a lot bigger than him it's a big old thing you know it's probably pretty good five foot long maybe four foot long but it's quite big and he carries it and he hides it sometimes I don't see it for months and months I don't know where it is and I find out it's underneath a chair or it's hidden

somewhere now I always thought it's like his child you know he's protective of it and he that's what I thought for years I'm talking years you know I've had him for over five years so I thought it must be like he thinks of it as his as his child well I discovered that's not true because yesterday seeing what he was doing to that snake so I realized that he's protective over it for a different reason and also I'm never touching it again I'm not but I don't know what my point was was there any point

to what I was saying it must have been the point how did I get to humping a snake and yeah he was so we was this is just a bit of greenery before the park so what I do is I let him walk on there and sometimes that's enough for him if it's cold he gets to you know roll around in the mud and sometimes that's enough for him he wants to come home not now he wants to he the whole county at the moment and there was this cat this ginger cat running because it's

fairly dark I didn't notice it to start with because I was watching him and looking ahead and this cat was probably about two foot away from behind Andre and Andre was just wobbling along and skipping almost oblivious to this cat so I kind of run at the cat and the cat runs away and I kind of yell at it a little bit just just not any kind of words but I thought you little bugger the thing with cats is they're cowards cats are cowards lions are cowards when it comes to hunting they hide in bushes

you know they're basically perverts and the cowards they they don't face their prey head-on they hide and they loiter and they pounce when the prey's not aware you know that's just cowardly behavior so even though a lion doesn't have to do that a lion could front it I guess but they're so fragile if a lion gets injured that's it I only got little legs Andre stop it shush so this cat was creeping up behind him now any any cat could I mean they they've got big old teeth you know they could cause a lot of

problems if he was quick enough and cats are very quick aren't they they're cute you know their reflexes are just phenomenal now he wouldn't be able to hurt Andre by jumping on him but then they got the claws they got the sharp claws so I don't know if a cat could hurt him at the same time I don't want to chance it now a cat face on with him don't stand a chance because he's much more aggressive than a cat and his bite is way worse he's the strength of the bite is pretty pretty horrible

actually the theory the theory is if he was a size of a shark his bite would be something like six times stronger than a shark's bite it's a weird weird scenario isn't it really but if he was the size of a dog if he was the size of a big dog pretty much no animal in the on on the planet would stand much chance because he'd be so strong again that might not be true I'm sure a bear would give it a go but he's from the same family as the wolverine and the wolverine is

one of the most vicious animals on the planet like no animal would get into a fight with a wolverine again that might not be true I love these facts that may not be facts but wolverines are vicious are really really vicious so he comes from that that stock like the badgers badgers are vicious those kind of animals but because he's so little he's not I mean he's not vicious at all he's very cute and cuddly and but I have seen that side of him a few times where he will fight and he will go all

out they just won't do it with me you know he had a fight with a dog once but he the way he fought was vicious he ended up in a dog's mouth and I removed him from the dog's mouth but he was like a scrappy dude like let me at him wasn't even a nice scrappy dude I'm really aggressive these I don't like I don't like that cat cat stuff of sneaking up my cats are lovely but I don't like that that's that's sneaky that kind of hiding in bushes no don't like that that's as

I said humans do that they're sick perverts aren't they you know so let's let's stop that mr cat mr catty cat now the cat might just be excited and wanting to play with him because I think what happens when a cat and a dog when they see Andre they don't know what he is first of all he doesn't smell like anything that they recognize he's clearly not a dog he's not a cat but he's on a lead why is he on a lead if he's not a dog stuff you what's it got to do with

you why nothing to do with you stop judging me he's on a lead because if he wasn't he'd run away that's why I've seen people with cats on leads now that's a silly sight I think like cats can't work him out he's like a big mouse really to a cat like a big like a rat like a big rat I mean you know so it's kind of maybe that's what a cat sees but cats can get such a shock if they think he's a rat or a cat or a mouse because he ain't like any

mouse he's uh oh man and also I've got to be careful because these are the neighbor's cats I can't let Andre get into a fight with them because if he hurts the cat which is possible and also well if the cat hurts him that's not a good outcome for anyone so you know I have to make sure that he keeps away from them dogs some dogs want to eat him some dogs want to play with him some dogs he wants to attack and bite you know so I have to keep him away from dogs as

well it's like I've got a little delinquent seriously it is I'm surprised he hasn't had an ASBO yet for those not from the UK ASBO is something something to do with asbestos or something as as antisocial behavior order that's it antisocial behavior order so someone's antisocial they get a thing called an ASBO I don't know if they still do them anymore this is going back to the 90s but yeah used to get an antisocial antisocial behavior order which meant that I think just meant that if you did it again you're going you're in trouble you're

in trouble next time mate next time you do that you'll win for it I think that's kind of what how it worked um but as we all know people are antisocial are antisocial and having an ASBO it was almost like a reward for them they didn't see it as as a punishment it was a it's like a badge of honor look what I got I've got an ASBO okay and then they're saying that whilst they're being antisocial I wonder if antisocial behavior will ever be it well you know it is a mental disorder it's classed

as a mental disorder not just antisocial behavior but a personality disorder with antisocial behavior is an actual uh a label a mental illness with a label so really it's help that those annoying runts need runt whoever uses the word runt no one used to be popular I think in the 50s runt of course it rhymes with uh shunt but shunting that's that's what you you move something don't you you shunt something so you shunt a car with your own car I think that's what shunt means it's where you push something shunt it so see you

next Wednesday morning so I tried to do a Jason's bedtime story time earlier and it went really bad it went really really bad and I got bored and I just started swearing and I actually did about 20 minutes and I just got so pointlessly bored of it and I was making it up as I was going along and it was awful it was really really bad so I'm gonna have to find some stories to read and adapt to my own particular requirements so hopefully I will get on that maybe tomorrow today I have done what

have I done I've done a deep sleep whisper hypnosis recording and I'm not sure what else I did I did do a sleep hypnosis with uh sleep hypnosis weekly but I think that was yesterday I'm losing track I really am it's the weird thing about it is even when I don't post the new episodes to Facebook it doesn't seem to make any difference to the stats I guess I guess the people that listen to them regularly are subscribed I suppose so you hear about it anyway I don't know I didn't know no I really don't

no I don't I watched that was loud on it I watched I said it loud twice I watched that's it the new film more details please okay fair enough I watched the new new Avengers film nope that's not right the new DC film and I forgot what it's called already let me check new DC film okay ah that's weird what okay so new DC films Justice League the Snyder Cut so it's nearly four hours long the original film I think was 2017 and here's what happened Snyder Cut he is the the director of the film

I think he wrote it as well I'm not sure I think he did anyway he was filming it when he had a bereavement of his daughter so he of course like everyone stopped working straight away and had to take time off and in a situation like that I know if it was an office job you might have a week off work or two weeks off work you know for bereavement although there shouldn't be any time limit personally but that's how can you put a time limit on something like that so he didn't come back to

work anytime soon here's how it goes here's how the story goes the he'd already filmed a lot of it a lot most a lot of the film the film studio wanted to finish the film and they didn't want to wait for him to come back finance you know money isn't it so always about money I guess so they employed another director to come in and whoever's decision it was they decided to make this film more like the Avengers so there's more humor which I quite liked actually I do like some humor the DC films some

of them like the Batman you're not not greatly filled with humor and I don't know why really because I think anything can be funny there's always room there's always always room for some humor there has to be it's part of being human as far as I'm concerned anyway we're talking about movies so it's not that important but the new director again a brilliant director in his own right he and I think he might have been a director from one of the Marvel films or maybe more he came and he finished the film but they refilmed

and changed so much of it including the actual script and the order and the scenes and all kinds of stuff so it turned out that 80% of the film was not how it was supposed to be originally and then it got released I personally was quite happy with it I liked it but I'm coming to I'm coming to realize that I'm quite easily pleased when it comes to those type of movies you know I think that some of the clever stuff and maybe the full-on super special effects or you know even the storylines I think

some of that's lost on me a bit in a sense of I just think they're all good I like them all but I like the ones that are funny you know I prefer the Marvel films to the DC films so basically those are not experts like me for those that don't know DC and Marvel are basically they were comics they still are and they created the superheroes or some of the superheroes lots of superheroes in fact so DC you've got Batman, Superman, The Flash, Wonder Woman that you know those a lot Marvel you've got Captain

America, Spider-Man I'm just remembering the movie here Spider-Man you've got Thor you know different people that are there who else you got Black Widow, Spider-Man, Thor, Captain America, Iron Man did I say Iron Man so you got all them lot and they were just comics you know paper just little magazines that some people a lot of people became fanatical about I collect some people collect them and it's you know it became it went from being something that was mocked to be a bit being like a multi-billion pound industry so you know people that collected comic

books were made fun of you know in you know 50 years ago 40 years ago even maybe even 30 years ago but now those comics the comic collections could be worth absolute fortunes I think something else that kind of made it more acceptable was probably the TV show The Big Bang or The Big Bang Theory because they were all comic book collectors and you know I suppose nerds is the correct term but at the same time they were sort of genius scientists as well so yeah you got these comics with these different characters DC when

they put turned it into the movies I didn't used to read the comics maybe Spider-Man when I was a kid but generally I wasn't really in I preferred to watch the cartoons on telly or the TV shows like The Incredible Hulk Hulk how did I forget the Hulk because when I was a kid there was a lot of superheroes on telly I mean there was a bionic man admittedly he wasn't I don't know if he was part of any of those comics but he was definitely a superhero and so the bionic man bionic woman then

of course Batman the TV show is still being played from the 60s in the 80s and like in the 70s and 80s when I was a kid Wonder Woman let me just think of Wonder Woman see Wonder Woman is that in the again that's really late 70s early 80s phenomenal brilliant TV show The Incredible Hulk brilliant TV show absolutely awful if you watch it now but at the time it's brilliant I watched I watched a bit a clip of one on YouTube as well it's like really really bad but but Wonder Woman seems to have

managed to last and that's all down to Wonder Woman herself that's it purely her she was that show you know just her smile like it's you know it's something about her smile I think I was in love with her I fell in love with her even though I was maybe eight or nine or eight or 32 or whatever I was I fell in love with her Wonder Woman was wonderful she was a wonderful woman The Incredible Hulk didn't have that effect on me but I did want to be strong and I like the idea of

turning into a monster as I got older the appeal didn't seem didn't really you know as I got older I was like I hope I don't turn into a monster can you hear Andre in the background if you can those of you that those of you that complained that my microphone's too good that you can't hear Andre anymore you should be able to hear him because he's screaming with delight he's a very satisfied young man right now oh dear Spider-Man's one see when I was a kid right again late 70s that's when special effects came

in in a big way but at the same time really bad special effects were happening it was it was really about money and not many movies had much in the way of money put put behind them for things like special effects and television shows so I'm just laughing as I'm thinking of something Manimal there was a tv show called Manimal now I liked it until one day I was watching it and I think my parents had been to parents evening at school and I had to sort of listen to about an hour of them going

on and on and on and on in my face about whatever it is they were talking about moaning and moaning and moaning about my school non uh whatever it is I didn't do that I should have been doing I wasn't listening it was just their mouth yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah um the only reason they got away with it is because they were bigger than me that's it the only reason parents get away with stuff get away with talking to the kids is because they're physically bigger and they have all the food the parents have

the money the food the kid has nothing without the parents that's it take that away no child would put up with it honestly if it wasn't for that if it wasn't for the size difference no kid would put up with being told off by an adult just like adults the only reason an adult will put up with it is if they've got a boss and they want to keep the job and they're willing to put up with absolute rubbish from that boss verbal diarrhea from them or they're in a relationship then they might have to

well see I don't but a lot of people do put up with rubbish from their partners I don't and I never have and I never will and if that means I stay single and stay a bachelor boy till my day and day I will because even less so as I got older I won't put up with that I won't put up with it when I was in my 20s someone moaning at me and talking to me talking at me shouting oh man no way shout at me once that's it bye-bye bye-bye how do people put

up with that how do people put up with a partner I'm talking man or woman or I don't know crocodile whatever whether you go for why would you put up with someone shouting at you why that's it so yeah I'd never will never have and never will yeah but I love him I love her why you love being shouted at do you know but he's so kind sometimes especially when he's apologizing and he says it won't happen again every time he says it won't happen again he's so nice for a while I cherish those moments

every time he says it won't happen again every time he says it okay all right do you see anything wrong with that sentence no I just I don't know how people put up with stuff like that why I'm not I'm not talking about extreme stuff I'm just talking people just moaning at each other moaning stop Andre you shut up see I'm moaning at him now you hear how he stopped I think he's more aware than he lets on sometimes I do say Andre stop it if I say it with a stern enough voice he stops

usually he ignores me but if I say it angrily which isn't very often now he's making more noise just to prove a point a little bugger never been so angry never been so damn you know what he's come up to me and he's holding his girlfriend the slipper is in his mouth I've picked him up he actually come up to me with a slipper in his mouth and just looked at me I'm not touching it no I'm not touching it I'm not talking about the slipper ladies and gentlemen say hello to all your admirers I

hit the microphone so Burt can hear you where's my phone go on I was holding him to the microphone he didn't like it okay do you want to cuddle Not cuddles You probably want to get some water don't you?

You're probably dehydrated after Emptying your body of most of this fluid Eurgh Eurgh that's gross Now what reasons have I split up with people? Actually I once had a girlfriend and she took my cup and I hadn't finished with the tea So I had a cup of tea, hadn't finished with the cup of tea and she took it She said have you finished with it? I said no She just took it anyway, I said what are you doing?

She said I'm doing the washing up End of the relationship See I don't think people believe it when I tell them I don't put up with anything and I'm never nasty about it, I just that's it, bye, see ya and I always tell people right at the beginning I don't put up with being moaned at If you moan at me, that's it Yet no one ever believes it I don't really believe it But it's true, it's really true One girlfriend she said, she phoned me up one The Sunday she loved me The Monday, I was

away on a hypnosis course The Monday morning she phones me up I don't know how I feel about you anymore I said alright then, I'll take care She said what?

I said don't worry about it, see ya I'm gonna go, I've got to go to work, take care, have a good life So she was really flabbergasted by that I don't know what she expected You know, I didn't point out that she told me she loved me the day before But that's what I was thinking, well if you're gonna be one day love me, next day not knowing how you feel about me, and nothing had happened during that time, not on my side anyway And she said, but I thought you was the one I said

there's lots of ones, there's not just one person 7 billion people on the planet Probably wasn't the most gentle thing I could have said, but it wasn't the worst thing I could have said And I just said, see ya later, bye And that was it As far as I was concerned, she phoned up to end the relationship And by saying, I don't know how I feel about you anymore Alright then, take care And that was it, end of the relationship I think she might have wanted a conversation I think she might have wanted to talk

Erm Yeah, on reflection that might have been what was required Erm But I've been through that in the past I remember Andre's making as much noise as possible I remember actually sitting down being dumped by a woman or a girl, it was a long time ago and sitting there and listening to all these different reasons why she didn't want to be with me and all the different things that I'd done wrong and could have done better And then she was crying And I'm comforting her So I'm two hours into this conversation I'm comforting her Even

though she's spent two hours dumping me and destroying whatever erm, self esteem I might have had And I'm comforting her And I remember, it's happened more than once with different people, and I remember thinking Wait a minute You don't want to be with me do you?

And I said this once, I think it was probably the third time Maybe the fourth time, it was a different person and they started the same routine I don't know if it's taught at school or something, I don't know Passed down from generation to generation But She started going down that road and thought this is what you really do, this is what I don't like about you and this is what I don't And I'm like, wait, stop a sec Right, you're splitting up with me yeah?

Yeah That means I haven't got to listen to what you've got to say anymore But I want to talk about things Yeah, I don't But I want, and that really threw her off It's like, but you're supposed to sit there and listen to me telling you what a rubbish boyfriend you've been I said, why? Why tell me when you're going to spend two hours telling your new boyfriend when you meet him all about me anyway, on your first date Telling him what a bastard I was So why tell me? Why have I got to listen to it?

Or is this a rehearsal? This is a rehearsal for your next first date But you're supposed to listen to me I thought you cared about me But you're dumping me, aren't you?

Well I don't care about you anymore Here's a little secret To anyone, whether you're a man or a woman If you've dumped someone They don't like you anymore Just to give you that little Yeah, they don't like you They might end up being friends in the future But in the immediate moment, they don't like you They don't like you Really Let's be friends In other words I can now allay all my guilt I don't need to feel guilty about anything And I can now get off with someone else Someone new Let's be friends Which means I never want to see you again Please move to a different town Let's be friends So yeah, I'm probably not good boyfriend material I...

Actually the last... I don't know It's been such a long time Since I was really Physically too involved in anybody That The physical side of things doesn't really I can't be hooked by that anymore I used to be able to, to a degree You know, especially when I was a teenager Wow, that's all there was I had no interest in romance, not really Oh, I did, I used to fall in love But I never dated anyone I was in love with Okay, I should change that I never dated anyone that I fell in love with before I dated them Does that make sense?

So I've never fallen for someone Asked them out on a date And then dated them and had a relationship with them That's never happened Oh, I've got gas However, I've dated women You know, I've I've dated women that I liked before I dated them But not anyone that I kind of held some Deep, deep, deep love For them Like, sure, you're the one But I wish I could talk to you Without urinating myself You know, this is, if only, you know I've never had that Never, never managed to And that's something that I would like

to have done I think that might have helped, dating someone I liked Dating someone I loved Like, really loved before I'd even Gone out on one date with them That might have Perhaps would have been a challenge But it would have been something I've never done Or I'd like to have done But then there was this one lady And I really, really, really fancied her Really liked her And she was friendly to me And it was more like passing by Chit chat And I had this job and I'd open a door for her My job

wasn't opening doors for people It just, you know, I wasn't a door opener But You know, I'd go out of my way to sort of Say hello to her And then one day she was She stopped to talk to me And we just Were enjoying talking to each other And her kid, she had a little kid And the kid was saying, I want a toilet, I need to go to the toilet And she was saying shut up No she wasn't, she said do it Do it in the car, do it in the road Like the

little pig that you are No she didn't, she didn't say any of that stuff Why am I saying that?

She said, oh just wait, hang on, hold on to it And eventually the kid was saying I need to go to the toilet now So she said I've got to go And so we were about to move on And she said, would you want to come up for a cup of tea? I was like the road runner And suddenly I'm I'm actually out the front door before she even gets there She's sort of getting into the lift And I'm there waiting patiently And yeah So I went from there So I really, really, really, really fancied her And I really, really fancied her While I was with her Like probably Probably the most In some ways the most compatible Girlfriend I ever had In some ways I can't even remember a lot of them Which ones did I have?

Yeah it's been such a long time Really Since I was And the good thing about the Prozac is The libido goes I'm not driven I'm not driven by Mr.

Micro anymore So it's I don't know why that's funny So that's useful But But I do sometimes see people and I think Oh she's nice And it's built on personality If I meet someone Let's say I'm out walking the dog Yes Andre I called you a dog Deal with it So I'm walking the ferret Don't sound right does it So I'm walking the dog and Walking the haggis And I Walking the goldfish And I meet someone And sometimes it's like Oh she's really nice It's nice to talk to And it just There's just that little

bit of interest That Comes over me a little bit She's nice I'd quite like a bit more of that A bit more of that feeling Of Maybe it's communication Maybe it's company Maybe it's attention I don't know really Oh she's really nice I just wish she had two legs I just You know just different people I meet They're nice And I quite like chatting to I quite like chatting to older women When I'm walking I'm not attracted to them but They're just can be quite fun to talk to I was talking to this woman She

must have been in her 80s the other day So funny Just got me laughing And I do I've always found women to be funnier than men Even though men are supposed to be funnier than women You know like The cliche Men are funnier but I think women It's just a personal thing But I've Most of my best friends In my 30s Onwards have been women Most of my friends actually I've had quite a few friends I suppose that are men But mainly women have been my closest friends The last 20 years And maybe it's because

Maybe it's because I've got a vagina I don't know, it might be Maybe it's not a micro Maybe it's actually a clitoris Who knows But I I'm saying this because hopefully No one is listening anymore I'm just talking about what I want now I've always I've found men I've always found women more open And also the good thing about having a woman as a friend Is I get all the good stuff Without the bad stuff Or without the crap That is saved for a relationship Sometimes Some of it gets sprinkled my way And I have

to put a stop to it I'm not your husband We don't have that kind of relationship Do not talk to me like that And usually it's ok But I like it I don't have to take that I don't care It doesn't matter what you think I don't have to care about that stuff You're just a friend You're just a friend And Maybe I've got the wrong idea about what friendship is But I don't have to care about you because you're a friend Maybe I've got it wrong Maybe I don't understand what friendship is But I

don't have to worry about your feelings because you're a friend For me A friend is someone I can say anything I want to And for them not to take offence Because they know that It's not Aimed at them And it's not supposed to be taken seriously I don't know Maybe I don't know It's just the way it's gone I just I think it's because I've never been interested in Manly pursuits Like sports or Cars or football Or rugby Or cars Or Going out and getting drunk And fighting and cars And football You know that kind

of I think it passed me by And I think part of the reason is because Firstly I wasn't interested Secondly from the age of 15 I'd been living on my own Or 16 I'd been living on my own And I didn't have money to go out night clubbing or anything like that I had a flat to pay for Since then Always had rooms and stuff to pay for So I wasn't living at home with Mama and papa So you know I didn't I wasn't able to enjoy that part of my life That part of my

life was absolutely Ridiculously rubbish I didn't have a youth Not like, not everybody does but Majority seem to have done You know, they leave school, they start going to pubs Nightclubs and having fun Every single weekend For, well till their early 20s And then maybe start to settle down I didn't do it I went to a nightclub a couple of times Before I was 20 and then I went to a few nightclubs probably a little bit Every now and then up to the age of 30 And I worked in a nightclub A comedy club, nightclub

But I never did that kind of Week, every weekend Getting off with You know someone and meeting people and Having a big huge amount of friends and stuff You know, I didn't keep in contact Hardly with anybody from school once I left school Well they didn't keep in contact with me And Well both you know I'm Just orphan Annie So yeah it was I don't know what my point is on that It shapes a person I think it shapes a person if They get to do that stuff and have fun You've got to have some

fun in your life Really and I haven't really had much Fun at all since 2001 So really I'm due some fun So I'm hoping if I can I just hope that In the next year or two I can start to Have some fun And make up you know for the next 20 years Of my life Make up for the last 20 years Where I've just been Well the last 15 years working on this stuff The free service Hypnosis and stuff And the 5 years before that I was working in call centres I was also working

in call centres afterwards as well And studying to become a counsellor Doing a degree So it's been, yeah, it's not been a lot of fun Didn't get to do the fun part Of being a university student Because I was, you know, late 30s at the time So Which is ok Because I probably wouldn't want to have done it anyway I probably wouldn't want to have Well maybe I would a little bit But the next 20 years I wanted to have some fun I don't want to wait for 20 years to do it I want to

start doing some things In the near future Travelling, meeting new people Speaking to them for maybe 15 minutes maximum and then moving on And not seeing them again I said speaking to them, I'm talking Conversations Just human Human interactions I think would be cool And to see new places For no other reason Other than fun For the fun of it Just to have some fun I'm due, I'm due some fun I really believe that And I look forward to it I do, I really do And I know it's not going to be this year May

not be next year But hopefully by the time I'm 53 I can start to enjoy My life Going out Hopefully not here Hopefully I'll be on a cruise ship somewhere Travelling Maybe even the Antarctic Seeing Penguins and stuff like that Polar bears And I will not be leaving the ship To just, you know To row towards An iceberg And to stand on the iceberg In case there is a polar bear hiding I'm not going to be doing that I will stay on the ship and I will film what happens And if something does happen like

that I'll post it on YouTube Oh yeah Yeah So it would be quite good to win the lottery So I can just Quicken the fun Because you know what, I can do this anywhere in the world As long as I've got an internet connection The microphone The iPad If I just did it as it is now Without any Major equipment Maybe with the other thingy The mixing desk Just that alone With the Microphone stand that I've got It could all fit in a little bag Which means I could travel anywhere And that little bag, it

would be small enough to take On a plane And I'd be travelling light anyway Apart from my belly That would be the heaviest part But a little iPad Or maybe a little MacBook And I'm sorted And it's just easy And I can make podcasts Do sleep recordings I could even do it live Do a recording In a rainforest But I could do it Do a recording on a beach Imagine that Making a recording Sitting in the Bahamas on a beach And you can hear the sounds of the waves Because there's waves, because I'm on a

beach And I'm saying And you can hear the waves And you can allow the waves to just wash over you And I could be sitting there Drinking a nice fruit juice Or something like that How cool would that be?

In fact, I could even Take a video recorder and film myself Making the recording And film myself so you can see the sea behind me See the sea?

The sea to see behind me And then post it onto YouTube Do a little bit of editing So I have the MacBook and then I can do the editing on the Adobe So spend maybe an hour or two a day Editing everything That'd be quite cool, you know If I could do that Travel around, makes the videos more interesting If I'm traveling Makes the podcasts a bit more interesting Because then I've got something to talk about But I don't do too bad Considering I've got nothing to talk about And I do zero, I do absolutely

nothing Every day is a zero day Yeah, I still manage to talk about nothing For an hour It's a skill I'm sticking to that It's a skill, it's not, is it?

It's an affliction But I'm going to say it's a skill So yeah The more I think about it, the more I want to do that And the less attached I am to Where I'm living here The only thing is Andre So if I did it, I'd need to do it for short periods of time You know, just for like a week now and then And come back And have someone look after my home And look after Andre There's only one person I trust with that Or Find a way to do it in the UK Where

I could take him with me And that would be A caravan I guess A big trailer, caravan Motorhome thing Travelling around But I don't drive And in a way The whole kind of heart, most of the reason The point of doing it is to not be with anyone else So the idea of having someone driving me around Means they'd need to be with me the whole time And that's not I don't notice anyone I'd want to spend that much time with I'd almost be their employer, wouldn't I Paying them to do that Or guess I

suppose If they could If they could also edit And look after the YouTube channel And look after the podcasts Editing them Holding the camera or whatever While I'm filming outside And then editing the videos to make them good for YouTube As well as driving But where would they sleep They'd have to be in a tent outside Because I'm not allowing them inside the The campervan No matter how big it is Even if it's huge I can't sleep in the same area As another person Yeah they can have a little tent outside Yeah that's alright isn't

it Yeah I'd give them free accommodation I'd say accommodation included in a job Just hand them a little bag There you go there's your home It's a pop up, it's easy Takes three minutes to set up Three hours to put away But three minutes to set up Anyway that's probably enough From me For now Take care everybody Thank you for listening Remember to be kind to yourself Because because because You deserve deserve deserve Yes you deserve To be happy Lots of love Bye