#609 Let me bore you to sleep

Hello, welcome to jasonnewland.com You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to do an actual introduction Not right now, I'm going to read it out but I'm fed up with saying the same thing every time Welcome to jasonnewland.com My name is Jason Newland Please only listen when you can safely close your eyes So I think I'm going to Make a recording Maybe with a little bit of music And just have that as the introduction How about that, boys and girls? What do you think? You just enjoy me saying it every single time It's got to be boring to hear me say it Welcome to jasonnewland.com The thing is Even though I've been saying that same sentence I used to say www.

jasonnewland.com 15 years I've been saying that 15 years And on every video and every recording Every podcast episode So I've said it thousands of times And still I get people asking me What's your website? What's your website?

You're not listening I don't know what my website is I'm surprised it's not ingrained in your brain But yeah So my name's Jason Newland I get fed up saying that as well Well not fed up but just like Perhaps I should I think there's a little part of me There's a little part of me That's why I've not got a girlfriend There's a little part of me that is I'd like to be a bit more professional I mention this probably way too many times lately But there is a little bit of me wanting to be

But at the same time I want to be fluid and Flexible and not quite I don't want to be stuffy And all Well hello, welcome to this recording Now I'm going to start the recording And you know Because I don't think I may be wrong I don't think anyone would listen Would want to listen Even in the past In the past one of the things that people used to moan to me about With my videos Was Can you please just get on with it?

Seriously Seriously Can you please just get on with the hypnosis session? My stomach is making weird noises I've had a bad stomach today I've had a An act of anus basically At the moment I need to stay near the toilet I don't want to go into details I had an unfortunate sneeze earlier So I've had to fumigate the flat Basically my bums turned into a demanding toddler You might think well that's a bit of a weird That's a very strange thing to say You're not going to hear that anywhere else are you?

Let me explain It's like a little toddler Daddy, you know I'm in the middle of something Daddy, I need to poo Alright son, wait a second I'm just in the middle of something Now And that's what it's like It's very demanding When I need to go It's now There is no messing about So I can't leave the flat at the moment Luckily I'm just glad I don't live in a mansion Every day I think that way I'm so glad I don't live in a mansion Yeah, right If you lived in a mansion It wouldn't matter where you went would it?

As long as you've got a cleaner Just Blame it on Andre He'd love it If I lived in a mansion He would love it He'd be on patrol every couple of hours He'd be going into every single room Just checking That the room was ok And then he'd be moving to the next room And if there was like 80 rooms He'd be going all through every single room He'd be knackered And he'd fall asleep somewhere And I wouldn't be able to find him I'd literally have to Get some kind of a tracker on him Or

just put Food and water In every single room All 80 rooms So I'd need a full time member of staff Just to be putting the food and water Out for him In case he happened to fall asleep in a particular room Or put food and water If he's that lazy Come on If he's only got to come down the stairs to get food He would He's not that lazy If he's hungry he will come and get the food Bless him So I don't know Maybe I'd have little Ferret flaps on all the doors You're talking

about like it's real Jason You don't really live in a mansion What's the chances If it ever happened really Could happen Could You don't know You just tell me whether or not I should Could or will or maybe not live in a mansion Might Hmm 80 rooms Is a little bit much It'd be quite difficult to go from How many rooms have I got here 1, 2, 3, 4 Bathroom, kitchen, living room, bedroom And there's a storage room So 5 rooms To an 80 room Yeah It's a little bit of a jump Maybe I'll just

go to A 20 room one first I'll only spend 10 million On the first house Once I get used to the enormity Once it starts to get a little bit Too small I'll move up and maybe Spend another 20 million And get a bigger place You're full of fantasies Today Talk about fantasies right I was sitting at my table Earlier right I swear this Is what happened I fell asleep And I was dreaming That I was in a wheelchair But I could Fly in the wheelchair I could raise the wheelchair Off the ground with my

mind And I could Move it around In the air and I was showing off to people Which is what I suppose Well come on if you was in a wheelchair And suddenly realised you could hover above the ground You'd show off wouldn't you I would, I did in my dream Well In that dream People were saying How high can you go And I said well look there Up there And I can get onto that roof And I flew up to the roof and landed Now I'm not very good with heights Even in a dream There's

a degree of reality still There I'm still me In the dream Not sure why I was in a wheelchair And it's not something that would ever really bother me It might sound strange I'm sure if I ended up in a wheelchair I wouldn't be happy But it's not something I'm scared of Especially with my back I've got so many I've had so much problems with my lower back the last year or so That If something doesn't happen And if it continues to sort of Worsen I possibly will end up in a wheelchair Not through not

being able to walk But just through the pain of it So It's not I want to try and live my life before that happens I'll still live my life If it happens as well As long as I've got my voice As long as I can Keep my sense of humour Tell you about my little adventures Even if it involves Having back surgery You know at least I can Make podcasts and tell you all about it In fact I could make my hospital radio show Whilst in hospital How about that How weird would that be I'm

broadcasting from My hospital bed That would be weird So It's weird I've already decided What I'm going to do Is if I'm in a wheelchair I started thinking about this more A while ago when I was struggling to walk To the garage I was having to sit down Twice Just on the way there and on the way back My back was hurting so much So I Thought you know if I get in a wheelchair What I'm going to do is Whenever there's a car on the pavement I'm going to make sure I Scratch and scrape

Along that car I'm going to stay on the pavement And I'll push my way Through it And if I get stuck I'll call the police And say sorry I tried to get through But I couldn't because Someone's parked on the pavement I need the police and I'm going to cause so much disruption To anyone that parks on the pavement See I'm preparing To be antisocial And a vandal It's brilliant I've never been so happy Oh it's going to be wonderful And if I can get One of those motorised Mobility scooter things That you can drive

I'm going to drive in the middle Not the middle of the road but in the middle of my Side of the road I'm not going to drive In the Right near the edge I'm going to drive in the middle I'm going to hold up all of the traffic And I'm going to drive All the way to town At maybe 10 miles an hour 20 miles an hour 15 whatever it goes It's going to be a beautiful Experience I'm so looking forward to it I've never been so excited So yeah See I can do hypnosis To

help with the pain But not so much when I'm walking It's a bit of a weird thing If I'm sitting down Laying down anything like that I can reduce Any kind of physical pain Generally Headache is a little bit harder than any other part of the body I find probably the hardest Parts Personally is kind of Stomach And head It's still doable I still can But it's a little bit I think there's still a part of me thinking I want to make sure that I'm okay First before I take this pain away I want to

make sure that I don't I like to feel what's going on In my body If there's some physical discomfort It's there for a reason So I like to not hold on to it But at least acknowledge it But not get Stressed out about it Not really give it a big deal Once I know the cause of it Let it go Let it go man Anyway I'm in this wheelchair It's a dream by the way Hopefully it never happens but I might be able to float Might be able to fly I dream about flying all the

time Not all the time I think it's usually when I stop breathing I think that's what it is So When I start dreaming of flying It's usually a sign that I've stopped breathing While I'm asleep And I need to wake up So I can breathe again Which is a weird I've got sleep apnea A little bit of that But it's alright It is what it is I think it's because I'm so muscular I'm so virile And so good looking That's the thing It only really happens to Really handsome men That are just Almost perfect Perfect

gladiator Types Like me Anyway Can you imagine some people listening to this And thinking He's really upping himself isn't he He really thinks he's amazing doesn't he Saying how good looking he is If you are thinking that You are So dumb Dumb dumb dumb dumb I don't think that about myself Blimey Wow I did have someone say that once On a video saying I can't believe you keep saying how good looking you are Like I'm joking obviously Mind you I've seen some models And I've thought to myself Really Because some models are not Typical They're

almost There's a chance That I could have beaten a model Because of my weird face My face could have been weird enough To do modelling I was never tall enough But I might have been like Oh Look at some of the models from the past Very unusual looking sometimes Not typical You've got some that are just like You know like Claudia Schaefer Or Schiffer And she was just Some of the ones back then In the 80's A lot of them were just Sort of Supposed to be perfect weren't they But then my recent years There's

supermodels That aren't even slim Which is brilliant I love that And don't Have like the perfect Body That's supposed to be Zero size zero That most people over the age of 14 Don't actually have Bodies like that You know if you're an adult You're probably Not going to have a 14 year old's body You might do You might have a body that little And it might just be natural And it's fine But if that's not your natural size And you're an adult Then I think I think it's really good That Or bad or whatever I

don't really care enough about this conversation To even finish it but The less Magazines showing pictures of these Tiny little bodies On adults When It's really rare Actually Really rare To see an adult woman With a tiny Skinny little body It's rare It's more prevalent In teenagers But even then I would say It's I don't really study teenage girls So I don't know but You know teenage boys Teenage girls are more likely to be slim Than people in their 30's Just generally I was skinny As anything When I was a teenager All the way up

to my early 20's Skinny skinny skinny skinny Then I put A bit of timber on when I was in my middle 20's Bit of muscle A little bit of weight but still very slim Didn't have any Fat on me at all Until I hit 30 Then I became A massive pig Big giant Belly pig And that was me Walking around With my curly tail Well people thought it was my tail The thing About it is And there's nothing wrong with being slim Or not being slim You know as far as I'm concerned But I'll give

you a little secret Huge amounts of Men Don't go for skinny women It's almost like that The myth of a really really Really really Zero sized woman Has been Brainwashed into Women's psyche The idea that That's what men want When it Generally isn't If you've got A man that wants An adult that looks like A 14 year old Alarm bells I don't mind that you're so slim It's fine I don't mind that you look so young It's okay I'm just happy to be with you Oh no You had to be ID'd again Damn Let's go

home You still got your school uniform have you No I haven't I haven't had it for 55 years Because you do My nan was very slim Very slim My grandad was very slim My Uncle I used to have two uncles One died in December So I had Both of those were slim One slim And the other one was slim I've got two aunties Both of those are slim And Both I've got two, three brothers Two of those were I don't know I can't remember I think fairly slim Physically Like my middle brother, the one just

above me Is He's really fit Physically Slim But muscular I haven't seen him for a long time He was always Super fit at school He was the fastest runner Always won the sports day thing But when he was younger He had a bit of weight on him Not fat but he was quite He wasn't little, like me I was tiny He wasn't So he When I saw him last He was about 27 Taller than me He's about Nearly 6ft I suppose My other brother is about 6'4 Something like that He's a lot taller than me

I might have the inches wrong I've never actually measured them He's like Can I measure you please But I'm just going By My oldest brother Because maybe he was a bit embarrassed about how tall he was But he's tall And Then there's me Really really skinny I was really Skinny Skinny skinny skinny And then there's my dad Big Big man Like broad, big shoulders Big arms, big chest But a little A little peachy bum I can't say that about your dad can I But like a little Not little legs But just He's almost like he's

got Two different bodies he's got on there He's not as tall as his brothers All his brothers are like 6ft 6ft2 6ft3, 6ft4 whatever And all their kids are like 6ft4, 6ft6 They're all big, really tall My grandad was about 2ft3 But he was still taller than me And he wasn't 6ft I think my grandad was About 5ft8 or 5ft9 And he shrunk Like everyone shrinks as they get older And it's weird It's I don't know if it's women as well Or just men, I've never took any notice Because I'm not a woman so I

don't care I only care about like me You know so I don't need to worry about What happens to my female body Because I've got a male body What if you're binary Oh no don't I know sorry Maybe I am I was watching this documentary It was an interview With Peterson Some bloke and he's from Canada And it was These lists These lists of Pronouns that Were Expected That were kind of put out that we should use For people Who I can't even finish a sentence It's so Tedious So I just I can I'm beginning

to see A little bit Why the older generation Gets so fed up With The newer generation It's this introduction Of new things That the older generation I'm talking maybe People my age and older 50's, 60's, 70's, 80's Whatever Are expected To toe the line And to start using Different language And expected to use Different wording And to have different behaviour Because of A Societal change Or because of a group of people Decided that they want to be Addressed in a certain A different way Or you know A certain word is no longer acceptable Even though

it used to be acceptable When The older generation Was Even maybe 20 years ago And I'm beginning to see That now I've got a friend who won't adjust Will not adjust To it, he still uses All the words that he used In the 80's And he And he says them louder If he's on a bus He's almost defiant He will not change his wording He will not change the words he uses And his face Lights up when he does it, when he looks at me He enjoys it, and I'm like Please stop Because I don't

do that I used to When I was in my 20's I was a bit of a rebel But I'd probably go the other way I was more a rebel Towards people Who were outdated And I'd make fun of them Because you know, someone was like Sexist or racist or homophobic I would, or said something like that I'd rip into them But comically I'd do it in a Kind of a gentle but You know, scathing You know Humorous way If I could And now I'm looking and I'm seeing Like for me There's a lot of really

outdated language That I do not use Because A lot of it would be I suppose living in London For my 20's I would have, you know You learn You have to learn If you're around Lots and lots and lots of different cultures Which I was I was in the most multicultural part Of London, Newham Which was Stratford, Forestgate Leighton All that kind of area Newham, in East London If you check it out, Google it It was, I think it still is But I don't know It was the most multicultural Part of the world Of the

UK Not just London, but the whole of the UK There is, you know So many different languages being Said and spoken I got used to it It took a little bit of getting used to Because I came from I was born in North London But I lived in a very Predominantly white town For My From The ages of 7 to the ages Of 19, so for 12 years I lived in A You know, there was hardly any Non-white people there The only Chinese people that I ever Saw were the ones that worked In the Chinese

takeaway You had the Indian People, I saw the people Working in the Indian Takeaway Of course they might not have been Indian, but you know, it's an Indian Takeaway and restaurant, so I kind of Presumed The only Greeks I saw Had the kebab shop That's not true actually, I had a Greek friend Who was called Sid And he was the owner Of the Wimpy, and he was the Coolest Geezer you'll ever meet He was Almost, he was He was so good looking And so suave And so just It was nice to me He was friends

with my oldest Brother And I used to go in there And I'd go in there in the evenings With my friend and we'd go and have Tea cakes and a cup of tea And Sometimes, Sid Lived in a flat above the Wimpy So I went up there once With him and my oldest brother, because I wanted To Be a singer, I used to write songs And he Sort of listened to my songs once And they laughed And I He wanted to Be George Michael, he did I think he wanted to be, I mean George Michael

was Greek, wasn't he?

Or Greek, he wasn't Greek, but he was from Greek I think he had Greek parents And he was like George Michael was the biggest star in the world At the time With like Wham! and it just Yeah, it was just the early 80s 84 Times, so Wham!

was still You know, huge And he wanted to be George Michael And His family I think either his cousin or his brother I'm not sure, he used to Work there as well in the Wimpy, so I Got on really well with him, plus I worked in a chip shop just up the road When I got to 16, well 15, 1986 I was 15 So I was kind of I used to see the Wimpy people Fairly, quite often You get to know people from the other shops And stuff I was the stinky fish man And I'm

not sure why I'm Mentioning him Sid It's quite weird, because he would be probably Wow He's probably Wow He'd probably be nearly 60 now Because I think He was older than my brother My brother's 4 years older than me So he was probably At least 4 years Maybe 5 years older So yeah, he's probably nearly 60 But he still looks good How did I get on Talking about him Yeah, you did How did you get on talking about your crush for Sid I didn't have a crush for him I just I don't know I could

just If someone's nice to me Especially when I was a kid If someone was nice to me and they didn't want anything from me I used to quite like them Especially older men Not like them in a I mean I had a few men Try and take advantage of me, if I'm honest They didn't get anywhere But I played hard to get I just, because I'm not You know, I'm not really That way Inclined When I'm with If I'm in a room If I just I didn't think it I didn't grow up That kind of

stuff was never even talked about When I was a kid It wasn't It was It was made fun of on TV shows And it was I'm not sure if it was illegal Was it illegal It had to be 21, I think To do anything Or maybe 18 Then they put it down to 16 That was the quickest debate in history In the House of Lords Or the House of Commons They debated that And that went through really quickly There was no delay on that one Shall we put the The age of consent For boys down

to 16 And suddenly There was 642 Zero for no Blimey That was quick They were celebrating all night long So it wasn't The young boys that were celebrating It was the old men We don't have to hide Anymore Bless them So I Yeah I had a few I remember I used to be homeless Quite a lot for a few period of time But not sleeping on the streets But just without a home So I would befriend people Or they would befriend me And then I'd be sitting in their flat Or wherever And it'd come to

time for me to go home But then I'd keep mentioning I haven't got anywhere to go So eventually they'd say You can stay here if you want And I had a couple A couple of times Two different people Friends These were friends These were people that I classed as good friends But they were much older than me A lot older in fact Probably 20 years One was probably One was at least 10 One was probably at least 30 When I was 18 And the other one was I don't know maybe 35 So you know They

were a lot older Not that it really makes any difference But both of them had Two beds in their Rooms One was a big room And the other one was Like a studio apartment And this bloke with a studio apartment He had On every wall He had videotapes Millions of videotapes But anyway And Both times You can sleep here if you want Like in my bed Both times I went into A big rant And I didn't feel at all Scared or vulnerable And I was So hostile to them What do you think I am?

And that's when all the Horrible words came out Now in any other Context that would have been out of order But for me I was I was a teenager by the way but That was my only way of Letting them know That if they come near me It's not a good idea And They didn't And we still stayed friends That's the good thing about it We still stayed friends afterwards Never happened again But yeah I wasn't one to Do that Back then if that was something I wanted I would have instigated it anyway I mean

I didn't want to say to them I just don't fancy her So I don't want to let them down horribly So I thought I'd just Do it more gently by just being No No Never had any women put me up Ever Never had any women sort of like Yeah I'll put you up and you can stay here for a bit No older women And I loved that That would have been a dream I absolutely loved older women When I was a teenager Even when I was in my twenties I loved older women That would be

my preference I liked young women as well But I really had a thing For older women Women in their thirties Women even if they've got kids Didn't bother me I just found them attractive Really attractive to older women And I remember once I was chatting I wasn't chatting I was Trying to talk Trying to chat this lady up And it was in a comedy club Funny enough that's the only place I ever went And I think it was at the I'm going to make this up I think it was in I was going to say

Brixton it was somewhere And it was a comedy gig And I hadn't been on stage at this point And I might not have actually been going on stage I might have just gone along to watch the show But anyway I'm talking to this lady And I think it was at a bar At the Bar I was talking to her And I was saying I'll just I've never been A chat up person really I'm not It might come across You might be struggling to believe That someone with such a An amazing array of Words So many

words That I can use So many I'm so Not delectable You might struggle To like oh surely I'd be good at that I'd be brilliant at chatting people up You'd think so wouldn't you Not at all Never have been Not really I learnt a little bit When I was a DJ I put you know but it wasn't Too difficult because I was Already there and I was A known quantity in a way I was there I was part of the place So I was Almost a safety For everyone involved Really they kind of knew who

I was And It made it A little bit easier So if you know I talked to someone You know if they weren't interested I can just Pretend I was just seeing whether or not They liked the food Or you know Or if they needed Me to take away the empty glass But Yeah chatting up And this lady right I thought she was lovely And I told her I said maybe you'd like to Come out sometime And get naked No I said maybe you'd like to Go out maybe eventually we can Hold hands If you'd like

to come out I was chatting her up Maybe I was trying to be friendly Trying to Let her know that I liked her I don't know It wasn't anything weird But nothing you know Anti-social And she said She started going into a rant She said I'm 36 years old I've got 3 kids Blah blah blah Why would I want to go out Why would I want to date a Boy like you I think I was 20 or 21 At the time But okay And she walked off and she had to write out With me It's

like What was that about That was a bit strange I mean what I just didn't get it It's like okay And it's like For me Wow I'm glad I didn't date her What a horrible person So it was quite nice That I managed to miss that one Because you know She might have been in a good mood And I kind of got in Ended up dating her and found out That she was Not so nice I do wonder I really do wonder I know it's probably Very immature to To kind of wonder this stuff But

why do people put up With each other being horrible to them Why do we Why why why Someone said to me It's an old thing actually Someone says If you've got a A partner that's Verbally not so Nice If you met that person for the first Time and you're on a date with them The first date and they spoke To you the way that they did You know They say the last time they weren't very nice If they spoke to you like that On the first date what would you have done With the very least

The answer everyone would give I imagine I wouldn't see Them again so if you wouldn't put up With it on the first date why would you put up with it You know Three years later or five years Later or six months later I think there's an old saying And Oh my squeaky chair There's not no that's not the saying Oh the squeaky chair saying I remember that one no Was it we're only We're only horrible to the ones we care about I remember Hearing that I think it was when I first moved to London And

I thought that's the most pathetic Thing What's not the most pathetic thing I've heard is too many But it's very pathetic Only cruel To the people we care about Aren't they supposed to be The ones that we're not horrible to Am I getting this wrong Am I Am I getting it wrong I mean am I way off Am I You know as far as I'm concerned if someone's Someone's going to be If you want to be rude to a child don't be rude To your own child Go To a football match Or to a public

place Where there's lots and lots of people And walk up to a child That's with his dad and his family And start being rude to that child Start Talking to that child The way you do your own kid If you're horrible to your own kid or if you shout at your own kid Start shouting at that kid So don't do it to your own Go to a complete stranger and do it there I wonder how often you do it After that I wonder how many times you do that Before you learn That You know Bones

really do Break quite easily That's one thing and words do have an effect Sticks and Stones may break my bones And words do hurt They also Heal So there you go We've learned so much from today daddy JJ Thank you very much How I know people that shout at their pets And I've got Andre here And I'm not saying This because What a lovely person We've all established I'm not a lovely person So let's not go there But I'll honestly Every day At least once a day I kick Andre I kick him really hard Every

day I hold him and I tell him how much I love him Every day It's not because I want to tell you about it And aren't I great It's because I love him And I know that he Doesn't understand A word I'm saying He's not interested He's probably thinking I've got to get away from this stinky man You know We should have a bath Where's my dinner That's all he's probably thinking about He's not interested Where's my slipper He's not But I hold him And I hug him And I give him a big kisses And

I tell him how much I love him Because I really do love him And that's I imagine what I would do If I had a kid If I had a little baby every day I love you And there's going to be a point Where that kid is going to say Dad I'm 32 years old This is my wedding I'm supposed to be kissing the bride Not you Please get off me This is our honeymoon dad Leave me alone I guess there's a point where you've got to stop Hugging your son or daughter And telling them

how much you love them But I kind of like the idea that there's no time When You never have to stop doing that You'll always be able to Because I don't have that My family don't do the I love you bit So Like my nan Anyone that listens or listens to me Knows that there's two people In my life That have meant the most to me Really Over the last 30 years That's my nan and Andre In fact you could include the other Andre as well He was My best friend In some ways I've had

other friends But there's only been a couple That I've really As an adult been really close to And Andre was one of those To the point where I lived with him I worked with him I even slept in the bed with him once Not as romantic as you'd think He had the stinkiest feet ever Really Proper smelly feet Seriously Apparently I said When I went to the house where his mum and dad lived And I said I went in my room Because I was staying there In their house This is 1994 I think 1994 Moved

to Ireland And he was there He'd already moved a few weeks before me So they came and picked me up from the ferry In Dublin Took me to where we went I went into the bedroom And they said Oh no it's not your bedroom I said thank god It's the smallest bedroom I've ever seen in my life And the bed Was half the size Of a normal length bed And it was squeezed Facing the window So the bottom of the bed Was actually against the window And I said is that my room He said no

that's Andre's room So he can put his feet out of the window Because we can't have him In the house They actually made him climb In the window He had to eat in the kennels outside Stinky his feet He used to climb up lampposts He did honestly He used to climb up lampposts He was Do you remember I'll give you an idea Do you remember the Wizard of Oz And you know when the house comes down On top of the witch And the good witch pops up And he says I'm the good witch I'm Hesrodilda

I'm a witch Well you don't look like a witch at all You're beautiful Oh I'm a good witch Like that And then the little munchkins come out And the special ones come out Like And they've got their arms sticking out Like they've got muscles And walking around That was Andre that's how he used to walk Like a munchkin Ah Ah What else did he do He's Andre Ah man A drinker he was a drinker He loved his drink And What was weird about it Well not good Yeah it wasn't weird Because we were all young

Like early twenties Very early twenties Working in his factory He was second in command And then he became the boss Of the department I was in When My boss Phoned Ah the Anyway I liked him so I won't talk about it But anyway And one day Andre used to like do a lot of play fighting And Andre punched me in the shoulder I don't like people punching me So I said to him Don't ever do that again And he said I said you promised me I said we ain't going to be friends I can't have

some people punching me He said it hurt The hard puncher Hit me in the nerve in the shoulder And he didn't He wasn't doing it to Hurt me But it's like Don't ever hit me again And he promised And he never did I like that I don't like people hitting me Even if it's like messing around I did get into a A play fight with one of the African Lads called Guy Really liked him, got on really well And he spoke really good English but he was French But he's But he was really cool He

was quite tall And he was a martial artist He did Kung Fu and stuff So because I'd done Karate We had a little spa And I cut his eye I punched him I didn't mean to I think it was my nail more than anything else Caught his eye and cut his eye Not his eyeball but the side of his eye open And there was blood I was like oh I really thought He was going to try and hurt me After that because it was just a play fight I wasn't really trying to hurt each other

And I was so so sorry And it left him With this scar Not a huge scar but a scar Along his eye Oh I'm sorry But he was really cool But anyway this dream I had This is what I was talking about I was in this dream, I was in this wheelchair And I was floating Not floating I was flying And it got to the point Where I was flying further up And I started to look down And I didn't like it Sort of landed on the nearest roof And then something else happened And I

was I think I'd I'd had an accident or something I fell off or something And then I woke up in a Kind of a hospital place Where I was told That I was I'd been experimented on And I was now an Incredible It sounds a bit silly now I say it out loud I was an incredible Hulk And I was one of About six incredible Hulks But some of them Were already incredible Hulks But I wasn't I was just I just had the Ability to turn into one but I wasn't one yet And we were

all crossing The road And it was a big roundabout And apparently no one could See us or hear us But we were there To protect The world or something we were there to To do something And we were being briefed So we were put into this tiny Little room With these Chairs right Bear in mind they were all Hulks There wasn't enough room in there for I was trying to find a chair That wasn't going to get squashed And then at one Point I got angry and I started turning green And started becoming the Hulk

And then I calmed myself down Because I can obviously I'm quite good at Calming myself down And It was Really really weird And I started saying to the Lady who was in charge I said You know what She said what I said I'm beginning to feel That this is some kind of delusion That this isn't actually Happening and This I'm having some kind Of a breakdown or something This isn't real And she said Yeah it is real I said in that case if it's real Let me phone My dad up And she said you can't

phone your dad up I said no if it's real Let me phone my dad up and then I'll know if it's real Because I'll be doing something Real you know And she said no you can't I said well look I'm punching a wall I can't feel anything Normally when I punch a wall it hurts So I feel something She said that's because you're an incredible hulk You're too tough You can't feel stuff like that I said that's a good excuse And Part of me Part of me Quite liked it I mean you know who wouldn't

like being an incredible hulk Being powerful And then being told Well you're here to do good You're here to help people And this is real You're not in that For me My real life was back in the wheelchair That's what I was thinking My real life was So I was basically Went from one dream to another dream But I was thinking that the previous dream Was reality And this dream was dreaming Does that make sense So when I was told about phoning my dad I wasn't told about phoning my dad I was phoning about Phoning

whoever was my dad In that dream Or wherever he was There was a certain scene in it Where I saw him And Then there was other stuff that happened With the other people I kind of got on quite well with One other person that was in there And It's I think we had to prove our identity But he didn't have any ID So he wasn't allowed to join the club And then I found out that You know He Didn't He wasn't able to continue Being part of things Because he didn't Fit the criteria So that

was very strange Very very strange indeed I'll be honest Very strange And then Just as I was accepting That it was reality I opened my eyes And Looked around here Because I was sitting at the table Opened my eyes And it was such a disappointment Well the television has turned itself off And now it's Clicking and clacking Which is a little bit annoying So I'm going to end the recording Because otherwise all you're going to hear is click click click click So Thank you for listening I did have a thank you that I need to

say Before I go I need to say thank you This is a thank you to Joanne Who sent me A Paypal gift Thank you very much She says you kept me sane during the pandemic So glad to have found you Over the pond Thank you Joanne I really appreciate that So I should have said thank you At the beginning of the recording Because Me and some people Maybe asleep by now Anyway I will send you a private message To thank you So thank you everyone Remember Remember to be kind to yourself Because you deserve To

be happy Lots of love Bye