#576 Let me bore you to sleep

Hello and welcome to Jason Newland dot com. My name, my name is Jason Newland. This is a let me bore you to sleep.

Please only listen when you can safely close your eyes. Because this very, very boring recording may bore you. Yeah, yeah.

So, I hope you're well. Today is Thursday the 7th of January 2021. Yep, 2021 and you know what? This may surprise you.

Or you just may not care. You know, that's a good possibility as well. I've been working on my website.

Jason Newland dot com. And there's quite a few new things I'm doing on there. And I'll tell you about that in a minute, but I think this is number 576.

That's how many recordings I've done of the let me bore you to sleep. And the very first one was the 27th of March 2018. And it was 28 minutes and 13 seconds long.

So, they kind of started off being a bit shorter when they first started. So, one, two, three. And then the fourth one was 52 minutes long.

But they only started being, it didn't start being an hour long until probably 19, 20 recordings and they started getting longer. But anyway, the 27th of March 2018. So, literally two and a half months time, I've been doing this podcast for three whole years.

And you might say, well, surely there should be 900 or 1000 recordings if you did it every day. I never said I did it every day. I never said.

But it turned into that. When it first started, I was doing every couple of days. If I look at some other months, 1st of July, 3rd, 4th, 5th, 21st, 23rd of June.

In fact, two on the 21st of June. Why? Why have I got two on the same day? It's a bit weird. I might have it wrong, but they're both different lengths.

They're very similar lengths though. That's strange. And then I got, anyway, so I just thought I'd let you know.

So I've been doing this since the 27th of March 2018. So, yeah, 575 done, and this is number 576. And the, the other two podcasts I've got on here on my website is a Deep Sleep Whisper Hypnosis.

There's 294 episodes, and the Sleep Hypnosis Weekly, 62 episodes, and I will have the Relaxation Hypnosis for Stress, Anxiety and Panic Attacks, where there's about 200 and no, is that 220? Blimey, that sounds like a lot. That does sound like too many, surely. There probably is too many, but it sounds like more than, have I got that right? Blimey.

221 episodes of the Relaxation Hypnosis for Stress. 221. Wow.

So that'll be on there as well. Which all together makes 5, 6, 7, 8, about 1100 recordings. Now, what I've got, what I'm doing on here on the website is I'm going to make them available.

I've got something climbing on my face. What's that? That's weird. I'm making them available.

Stream free download for £1 each. So you can listen to them for free. And you can download them.

I'm just repeating myself. Download them for a pound each. None of the recordings with music are going to be on there.

So when I do two recordings, one with music, one without, only the ones without music are going to be available to stream and download. They will still be on my web, on the podcasts, the ones with music, but they won't be on the website. Why? Because I don't own the rights to the music.

It is open, not open source, but the copyright allows me to use it on podcasts and on videos and stuff like that. As long as I put the copyright details in the podcast, which I do in the description box, but I'm not going to sell anything on my website which has other people's music on. Because that doesn't feel right, even though I probably could, but I don't want to because it's not my music.

So there's still going to be about 1100 recordings available to download. I'm still in the process of doing it. It's a big, big, big job.

I've been working on it for a few weeks. It's a big job to put this all together. Just all the different bits that go together.

It's a big old jigsaw puzzle, and it's a massive task. And I've made progress. So all the Let Me Boy To Sleep recordings are available to download and to stream.

All of the Deep Sleep Whisper recordings are available to stream, but not all available to download yet. And the Sleep Hypnosis Weekly, none of them are available yet to download or stream on my website, on the podcast of course they are. So when I've finished, I'm in the process of doing the images for each recording for the Let Me Boy To Sleep.

So that's going to probably take me till the weekend or probably longer, maybe next week. And the Deep Sleep Whisper, I'll continue to upload the recordings so they can be downloaded and streamed free. Downloaded for a pound.

And then I'll do the images for those. So yes, it's boring isn't it? It's really a lot of work. A lot of work.

Which I'm okay with. I'm not work shy. The benefit really of doing doing this when I can do it when I want to.

And if I'm not in the mood, if I don't fancy doing it, I don't. In other words, if I'm feeling lazy, I don't do nothing. Another good thing is this month, apart from the 1st of January, which is normal, it's a quiet day, you know, any major holiday is usually fairly quiet when it comes to my podcasts.

But as soon as the 2nd of January kicked in, and all the way through since then, I've been getting averaging over 7000 downloads a day. Today I've had 6188 so far. There's still two hours left.

So, potentially I might not reach the 7000. So I'll upload this in an hour's time. So there's a chance it might not reach 7 but probably will.

So I'll probably reach the 7. Yesterday 7338. So that's higher than last year at this time. It needs to be, doesn't it really? And based on that, even if it doesn't increase daily, that's two, two and a half million downloads a year.

So yeah, I'm alright with that. Although I'm aiming for 5000 this year. That's my plan.

So I'm just looking forward to getting the 10,000 a day averaging because 7000 is nice. You know, there was wasn't that long ago that 5000 was, you know, an average. So 7000 isn't a large, that's not a good day.

It's an average day. 7 plus is okay. A really good day would be like 9, 10.

So, you know, getting six or seven would be a really, really good day a year ago. We're probably getting five would be really good. In fact, I'm not sure.

Let's have a look. I'm not even sure if I can get the stats up for that that long ago. I might be able to.

No. Oh, maybe. Nope.

Yeah. So here's here's that played. First of January 2020.

I had 2059 downloads. Again, first of the month, first of January. The next day was 2558.

Then 2426, 2542, 2892. That was the fifth. And then the six it rose to 5579.

So I'm wondering if. Yeah. Okay.

And then after that, Wednesday 3817, the 8th 3674, 3600, 2000. So it's aiming around about the 3000 mark. Averaging, I'd say two and a half to 3000.

So, yeah, it's. Yeah, so it's definitely gone up. Which is nice.

It's nice. I'm very pleased. Yeah.

See, I don't know if the microphone. Sounds okay. But I've got the headphones on.

To try and get an idea of what sort of sounds are being heard. But this isn't loud. It's not not as loud as the one I did last night.

I don't know. I don't get it. But.

I'm not sure what to do. First. You know, I'm looking at getting some kind of mixing desk thing, if I can.

But. But. I might.

Yeah. I might just try and keep going with this microphone until maybe the summer. And then look at maybe changing the microphone or changing the setup.

But keep this setup until the summer. Because I can't really afford to. To make those changes.

I'd like to. I'm also having problems with the iPad. When I'm doing editing on.

The. The recordings, the editing is generally okay. But then.

I do. The uploading and the stuff on the actual podcast. And my iPad freezes.

Or the Google Chrome freezes. You know. So, yeah, that might be what it is.

No, it's not Google Chrome, is it? Maybe. Oh, I don't know. Maybe if I. Oh, I don't know.

I'm not sure. But there's ways I've started finding ways around it. So it's okay.

But I prefer not. I prefer, you know, I prefer. I prefer lots of things.

And all you need is a nipple. A lovely, lovely nipple. I don't know.

I haven't done an awful lot today. Well, actually, I have. Actually, I'm not going to put myself.

I'm not going to give myself a hard time. I've done lots today. Admittedly, I made a couple of recordings this morning.

And now I'm making this. But I've spent all day working on the website. So, yeah, and I was up all night working on the website as well.

So. I think it's just because I feel that like a monkey could do it. It's just repetition.

Repetition. A lot of repetition. That's very boring.

Some of it. And I would quite like to. I'd like someone else to do it for me.

But the reality is, or the benefits of doing it all myself is I'm in control of everything. You know, as far as you can imagine, you could employ someone and they could just ruin. They could just delete everything, couldn't they? If they sort of didn't like the job.

I'd like to think that wouldn't happen, but. That's why you've got backups, isn't it? Especially if you get someone's backup. You need to have a backup in case you get their backup.

So, that's the next step in my journey. As far as this goes, I'm taking the headphones off. Put them over there.

I mean, to be fair, I can't hear my voice really. I can hear my voice, but it's not loud. Because as soon as I get it to the point where I can really hear my voice, there's background sound.

Which I'm trying to avoid. Man. Admittedly, if the microphone was closer, it would be louder.

But it isn't, so it isn't. If it was, it would be. But it isn't.

But if it was. If it was. It would be.

Oh, today. See, I'll be more. I was watching the.

I mean, it happened last night in America. I don't know. Some very important political building was ran.

Well, it was the public gained entry to it. And I think it's the equivalent to our Houses of Parliament. But in America.

Obviously, because it wasn't ours. But I say ours, England. England.

So. It was interesting. Partly, I'll be honest with you, and it's probably.

It's something interesting about. Seeing a news story that doesn't involve. Corona virus vaccines or Brexit.

You know, I mean, it's just nice to see something that doesn't that isn't around about that. So the old presidential election is, we hear about it here. We don't hear about it as much as we would normally because of what's going on here.

And we haven't really had many stories. I mean, it was. I saw there was one news day.

I think it was last week. And for some reason, they didn't all the way through. And for some reason, the news decided not to talk about the coronavirus.

And they they talked about the news from other countries. Wow. There's still a lot going on in the world.

A lot. A lot. You know, it's like.

I know one of the stories was nice. They were all horrible, horrible stories. And I know that there's lots of nice stuff going on somewhere.

You know. Anyway, today was interesting. I was hearing about it over and over again.

And I was trying to watch the news at night. I try and I watch the news when I first get up. And I specifically watch it at a certain time in the afternoon, because that's when the the tally is given.

You know, that's where the the latest statistics. And if there's any changes to the law or whatever. So, yeah, I kind of do that.

But that's usually after five. And I was watching the video footage of the if in the word storming the the chamber of parliament or whatever it is in America, the the political place and. A big old place.

It's massive, isn't it? It's very different from. The House of Parliament is looks more like an auditorium to me, but. And they're the politicians that were hiding and don't blame me.

I'd be hiding as well, I think. And I was behind the settee behind the couch hiding. It's like watching Doctor Who or sitting as a child.

I don't know what's going to happen next. Will Doctor Who die? Will the Daleks kill Doctor Who? Even though Doctor Who is the star of the show and he's never been killed yet, ever since it started in 1962. You don't think about that as a kid, though, do you? Anyway, I was watching this and I was thinking.

And as you know, forget the horrible part of it, because there was a very horrible side to it. There was people taking selfies and having pictures taken of themselves. Smiling and having fun.

It was like a jolly up, you know, it's like a little picnic. The two things I found very strange. Well, three things.

How did they get in? But the two things I really found very strange was. Well, there's obviously why, but forgetting that, that's none of my business. Why? But this is something that I found odd.

Just from a. From a criminal perspective, there are criminals. What they were doing was a criminal act. And.

Let's face it. They're. Those that got caught and those who are caught in the future from film footage are going to be spending a long time in prison, possibly the rest of their lives, because this is like an act of treason.

Talk about possibly even terrorism, I don't know. So they're going to prison for a long time. And I reckon a lot of people would just.

Just along for the ride. But really, they don't realize how much trouble they're in. Proper.

Proper trouble. Anyway, the two things I think like I did see one mask. There wasn't that many people there.

There's probably hundreds, but. Maybe thousands outside, but hundreds like headed their way in. And I don't know how many people go in, maybe 30, 40 people, maybe more, maybe less.

But it's definitely, you know, it's quite a few because they filmed it. I was, you know, they were in there and. No masks.

If ever there was a time to conceal your identity. Surely it would be when you're committing a crime that is being filmed. A crime that will put you in prison.

Possibly forever, you know. Especially as the crime consisted of maybe walking up some steps. Just walking in.

To a building. Maybe pushing something over or, you know. Pushing a chair over and taking a picture.

Because not everybody was going to be in a really naughty frame of mind. Some were just probably just doing it for the for the fun of it, maybe. So why weren't they wearing masks? If ever there was a time to just.

Back down from the pride of your own belief system. That, you know, I won't be forced to wear a mask. Well, there's a reason burglars and bank robbers wear masks.

There's a reason for it. Yeah. Come on.

Let's get with let's get with the with the program fella. If you're going to commit a crime that's going to be filmed. Wear a mask.

Don't make it easy. It's really weird. A year ago, last January, if this had happened.

Or if people went in and did stuff looting. They would be wearing masks to cover their faces up. Now they're doing it in a situation where everyone's supposed to be wearing masks.

And they're not covering their faces. I just don't get it. And there was a picture of some man there.

And he was holding up something that he'd looted from the building. I think it was like. You know those things you stand up and you put your paper on and you read.

Plectrum or I forget what the name of them are. But he was holding it. Posing.

And he looked so happy. Big grin. Last time I saw anyone that happy was in 2004.

When I saw a little girl with a big lollipop the size of her head. And she was in a little pram push push chair or whatever. And she had the biggest smile on her face.

Never seen anything like it. Now he was the same. No lollipop.

But. He'll have plenty of opportunities to find something. To lick.

Over the next 20 years. I mean he's kind of. I mean it's like.

Which mask. So he's standing there posing. With something.

It's not like he can even say. Wasn't me. And then he can change his mind saying.

Well it was me. But someone. I wasn't in that building.

It was this. This is a picture was taken elsewhere. But the item belongs to that building.

Oh no. What shall I do. And he's going to spend.

He probably posted the picture on Facebook. And his family were probably laughing. Oh look at Reginald.

Wasn't he funny. He's a cheeky little monkey isn't he. Always up to jokes.

Always playing around. Not realizing that you're probably never going to see him again. They're weird isn't it.

He'd been in Guantanamo Bay. Because it is an act of treason isn't it. An act of terror.

If you storm a public building. Armed. Whether you're armed or not.

Doesn't matter. And apparently. It was all about those bombs.

So I don't know. They might have added that. So that they could then use the.

Act of treasure. The act of treasure. Act of terror and treason.

Because that's. That's a buh-bye. Situation there.

Wow. Admittedly. Actually.

Breaking into a place isn't. Yeah people have gotten into the House of Parliament before. To demonstrate.

Maybe about. Who knows. It might have been.

Greta Thunberlina might have. Some of those people. Might have been over.

I don't know. Women's rights or. I don't know.

That's I know there was. Sure there was someone. It happened once.

But that's different from coming in. Bearing in mind it's a public place. And the public are allowed in.

They're not you know. I think you have to. Probably have to get permission.

To come into the actual gallery. At the top to watch proceedings. But.

There's lots of such school trips. And all kinds of stuff. In the House of Parliament.

Like in the building. And but there are security and there are. Armed.

Armed security. Forces and whatever. But I think we had someone got inside but.

They were arrested and got out. And probably released. Because they were just demonstrating.

Like maybe with a couple of people. Now when. Hundreds of people.

Potentially get in. And some of them are armed. Especially in this country.

Wow. That's it. If you.

If someone went into the House of Parliament. And someone has. They did.

They have. I've had a few. Had a couple of incidences.

A couple of years back. But. Someone went into a place like that with a gun.

Well actually. It's like they spend the rest of their life in prison. But they probably won't.

Leak the building. To be fair. But.

It's like. Wow. I wonder where the 200 million dollars went.

That was given to the. Current. Head of State.

In America. 200 million dollars has been raised. And I'm thinking about that.

And I'm thinking. That's a lot of people. Sending a lot of money.

You know it's people who are sending money. That they don't have. Or you know.

So. There's a degree of commitment isn't there. If someone sent a hundred dollars.

Well the more they send. The more committed they will be. To the person they send the money to.

Well. I've got itchy balls. If you.

Go down. To the woods today. You're sure of a big.

Surprise. If you go down. To the woods today.

You better go. In disguise. Why would you go in disguise? And if you are in for a big surprise.

That to me sounds like a birthday party. Surprise birthday party. And if you go in disguise.

How will the people. That have thrown the birthday party. And attended the surprise birthday party.

To surprise you. On your birthday. How are they going to know who you are.

If you were in a disguise. I don't think these are nursery rhymes. They're always thought out.

Correctly. I might be wrong. Have a drink.

Let's just go back to my website. Let's have a look. I. I'm gonna love you forever.

Ever. Um. Where am I? Oh yeah.

So on the website. Of course it's not completely up to date yet. I've still got quite a few.

But if you went to the. Let me put you to sleep. And you went right to the first one.

Because it's last one. First if that makes sense. So if you click on the first page.

It's going to be. The latest recordings. And then you can go back and find.

The you know earlier ones. So let's say for example. You wanted.

Number nine. Let me put you to sleep. 7th of April 2018.

There's got a picture. Stream free download one pound. And that's number nine.

So you can see what number is duration 43 minutes 42 seconds. And then there's the picture of the podcast. You know sort of.

You know a little picture of Andre and stuff. So you can click on that. It takes you to a bigger picture.

And then you can add it to the cart. So you got the thing add to cart one pound. Also below that you've got.

The stream. That's weird. Shouldn't be weird.

Oh. Past also flexible. Right.

So. That podcast you can play. And stream for free.

Or you can download. For a pound. Just a pound.

And so yeah. So that that's that's going to be all up today. I was boring and the one.

I'm trying to. Trying to force myself to finish the work. There's loads to do.

Loads. Absolutely bonkers amount. It's the website alone is.

It's like a full time job. It's ridiculous. But you know.

I'll do my best. To get it done. Yeah.

So this is just watching Silent Hill. And there's loads of motorbikes chasing. A pickup truck.

And the pickup truck is trying to escape from them. So now I'm going to. Drive on the grass and.

Why doesn't just ride over the motorbikes. It's a pickup truck. I reckon it's.

Four wheel drive. Heavy old thing. I feel what I find is a program there called.

Fight cameras action. It's one of these late night TV shows. That's just.

It's just pointless viewing. But. It's mildly entertaining.

And a lot of it is. Filmed in the back of motorbikes or on. You know by motorcyclists.

Getting into arguments with drivers. There's a lot of that. And the drivers get out of the car.

Giving it the big one. To the motorcyclists. Not realizing that actually.

The motorcyclists are much better prepared. For a confrontation. Than someone generally in their car.

Because the first of all they've got a helmet on. Which is protecting their face. And could be used you know.

Could be used in an altercation. They're very likely to have boots on. Which again is much as a great advantage.

If you've got big boots on. You should be able to kind of. Put an end to any kind of confrontation very quickly.

And then the hands the gloves. The cyclists wear. The knuckles are hard.

Like proper. You could knock a hole in the wall with those things. You could knock out a peacock.

So yeah I don't know why drivers get. Try and get into fights. I think they prefer.

They prefer getting into rounds with cyclists. Because cyclists are not as protected. Especially ones that ride around with.

Shorts on. Lycra shorts. Never really understood lycra.

I think if I had a bigger willy. I'd probably like lycra. I'll be wearing them all the time.

If I had a big old package. You know I would wear lycra. Job interviews.

Funerals. I would. I'd be wearing lycra shorts.

Or lycra pants the whole time. Because. I'm a big believer in advertising.

If you've got something worth advertising. Then you know. Let everyone know about it.

And if I did I would. But I don't. So I don't.

It's not even. The thing is. What's the point in lying.

I actually. I got to. Oh this is.

This is terrible. I'm telling you this. And.

So I've had a few. Females. Contact me over the years.

That I've been online. It's not like a regular thing. But sometimes over the years.

And I've made some good friends. There's some special people. That are special to me.

You know who you are. You know I sound a bit twitty. You know who you are.

You know who you are. And there's still room for more. In my harem.

My virtual harem. So. It wasn't that long ago.

It was last year. For some reason I just. And this is like.

Springtime. I suddenly had a lot of females. Contacted me.

By you know. Facebook or. Uh.

Via the website. Whatever just contacted me. Telling me.

Just saying nice things to me. And wanting to meet me. Now I'm not sure why that is.

Worried me a little bit. But. I didn't meet anybody.

But there were four. One. Two.

Three. Five. Maybe six women.

Wanted to meet me last year. And they were all from this country. And I didn't meet anyone.

I didn't. Didn't. Didn't.

I didn't. So there. I didn't.

One of them said to me. Are you well endowed? She asked me. Now bear in mind.

I hadn't met her. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know whether to say.

Yes. Or whether to tell the truth. I didn't.

I didn't. I didn't know. Because.

I didn't know. If I was going to meet up. Then she'd find out.

I mean I prefer. I don't know. Instead of saying.

Are you well endowed? And I'm saying. They're saying yes. And they come around.

And they see. That look. Because that's a real disappointed look.

I prefer the. The. The sort of.

The more quieter. Disappointment. Of.

You know. Meeting someone. And then eventually you end up.

In a romantic. Situation. In a bedroom or.

In a tent. Church. I don't know.

Graveyard. Wherever it is that you. You know.

Public toilets. And. I can just about handle the look.

When she gets the first look. And I get. A look of her face.

When she gets a first look. And a first look of. And her face is that.

Oh well. I can handle that. But I don't want to put myself into a position where.

The first look. After I've sort of lied. The first look.

Results in. You told me it was going to be big. You said it was big.

I can't even see it. It's a ridiculous thing. You didn't say it was micro.

It's a micro. No it's not a micro but. That is a conversation I don't really want to have.

You know. It's just like no thanks. I made a mistake as well with another person.

I really this is years and years and years ago. Like. Nine years ago or something.

And. Eight years maybe. And this person she's.

She was from another country. And she said to me. She really liked me.

And she wanted to. Visit. And I said all right then.

And we. Spoke on the on. I think we spoke on Skype.

That was before Facebook had the. Video service thing. And.

Here's her where she sent me a picture. And then she asked me for a picture. And I didn't know what to do.

So. She wanted to selfie. But you know.

A selfie. You know it wasn't. She wasn't interested in my face.

Can't blame her really. So. I went.

I went online. And I found a picture. And I sent that to her.

And she was really happy. And decided she wanted to meet me sooner. It wasn't a good idea.

It was a really silly idea. Because in the end I had to cancel. Had to cancel her coming.

Not just for that reason. But it was definitely playing on my mind. I can't finish this.

I can't finish this story. But. The punchline is really funny.

I'm just going to have to tell you that. It's really funny. But it's adult so I won't.

So. Basically my concern. You have to fill in the gaps here.

Is. Her disappointment when she realized. That I didn't have a. Beep.

Beep. Beep. BBC.

Is. A TV channel in the UK. And.

Really like it. I like so many old programmes there. But.

We pay a TV licence here. See if you understand this. Those of you in other countries.

BBC. Basically was the original. What does it stand for? Big BBC.

British Broadcasting. Corporation. And.

TV licence used to cover the radio. It doesn't anymore. Radio doesn't need a licence.

And then. All these other channels came along. Apart from BBC Two.

Every other channel is commercial. With adverts. Yet we're not allowed to watch channels with adverts.

Unless you have a TV licence. Not allowed to watch Netflix. On television.

Without a television licence. Not allowed to watch catch-up TV. From you know any channel.

Unless you have a TV licence. It don't make sense at all. Zero.

It's one of those things. That doesn't make sense. And also.

What's it got to do with the government? The government don't provide televisions. The government don't provide the TV channels. They're privately owned.

Commercial ventures. Apart from the BBC of course. But everything else is.

Anyway back to the millions of women. Yeah I just. I don't know what happened.

I think because of the lockdown. That. Maybe that's what it was.

It's because. Some of these ladies knew that they wouldn't. Actually have to meet me.

So maybe it was a bit of a fantasy. I can't even say that straight.Me.

Being a fantasy. Blimey. Yeah if you never get to see what I look like.

I could be. I could be a little bit of a fantasy. You know if you imagine me as being a viking.

But once you see me. It's like okay. No way in the world I could be a fantasy.

I could be a nightmare. But definitely not a fantasy. No.

No. I have been thinking. Because I've been asked in the past.

If I would make erotic recordings. Now. I don't know.

I'd have to see if I did. It would be. It would not be on a podcast.

It would not be on YouTube. It would be a recording. That would need to be purchased.

Because I wouldn't want. I don't want. If I did do some recordings like that.

To be fair though. I don't want it. Shared.

But then. Unless I only. If I had it as a system.

Where you could stream. But you wouldn't buy. You could stream.

The recordings. And you could only stream them. If you paid to stream them.

Or subscription. But you wouldn't be able to download it. But to be fair.

You even if you. You could record something. Can you just play out loud.

And just record it. On a. Microphone. I thought about doing like.

A comedy version of. A. Romantic. Novel.

Because. I think it's fair to say. That the different sexes.

Would write differently. About. A romantic situation.

Possibly. I might be wrong. But I think.

Might not be as well. And. And.

And. And. Then I fell in love with you.

Because you're juicy. Ever ever so juicy. You're all I want.

Yes you are. Yes you are. You're so special.

Oh oh so special. You're very beautiful. Including all your hair on your back.

I was. I can't even remember. What was I saying.

Hey. What was I saying. I was saying.

Um. I got distracted by an advert. Was just playing.

It was the Open University. Very very distracted indeed. Very much so.

Mm. Ah. Yeah.

Do like a. My version of a. Not okay. Not erotic. But romantic.

If I was to do a romantic. Story. I don't think I could.

I just don't. I don't have. That um.

Maybe. It was. Naivety.

As a child. When I was romantic. I was very romantic as a child.

I loved females. Right from a young child. Really young.

Um. Fascinated with boobies. Right from the age of about.

Five. When I saw my first pair. Seriously.

It's. My. I couldn't help it.

I just. I was in a children's home. And this.

I don't know. She was a teenager. Or she was.

Well. She was. Like a support worker.

She might have even lived there. I don't know. She might be one of the.

Girls that lived there. But anyway. I think um.

We were wrestling or something. And I pulled her top off. By accident.

And obviously. That's when I realized. I could be hypnotized.

I just stood there. In a trance. And.

I think it's worth remembering. You know they're going about. Oh it's.

Because you see stuff on telly. And in magazines. And that's why boys.

Like that stuff. Well I lived in. A nunnery.

Or not a nunnery. I lived with. Catholic nuns.

I did not see television. Where they showed any kind of boobiness. So.

That literally was. The first. Kind of the first adult.

Female. Body. Flesh.

Bits that I'd ever seen. As a child. Apart from when I was a baby.

I'm sure I might have. I think it's like the old. Old.

The old joke. My mum didn't breastfeed me. She liked me as a friend.

So. I just. But this girl.

Or woman. Whoever it was. That.

I first saw. That was it. That it etched in my brain.

But I was romantic. And I loved girls. I did.

But I was no good with them. I was no good with them. I wasn't.

I was okay with girls in junior school. High school. You know.

I had a few girlfriends and stuff. Like had a little group of friends that. Sort of hung out with and stuff.

But. In junior school. I had a lot of girlfriends.

Friends that were girls. You know. It wasn't like kissing anyone or anything.

I don't think. And then junior high school. I think the older I got.

The less. The less. I mean.

I mean. You know. I suppose going through the spotty.

Spotty period. You know. It's not the most attractive look is it.

I don't know. Yeah. I didn't really have a huge success.

And then when I left school. I dated a couple of girls. When I first left school.

So I was like 15. 16. 17.

Nothing. 18. Yeah.

18. I dated. One girl.

Actually I tell you. I've talked about this before. But.

I met a girl. And they were girls back then. You know.

They were like 17 or whatever. I was about the same age. I think Andre was on the bed.

He just jumped off the bed. Hello Andre. Hi baby.

Where were you? Where were you? All right then. Ignore me. The.

I met this. This girl. At.

The holiday camp. In the town I lived. In.

I don't know. 87. And then 88.

No 88. Then in 89. When I was 18.

I waited for a year for her to come back. And I spent that year. Sending her love letters.

Poems. Talking to her on the phone for hours. Fell in love with her.

Really wanted to be with her. And then when she did come down. To the holiday camp again.

It turned out that she had a boyfriend. And she'd been dating him for the last year. And it was someone that she'd met.

In my town. And she ended up having kids with him. I really liked her.

Really. Because. The year before.

I'm not sure how I why I ended up in the. The caravan site. Brilliant place to go.

Caravan sites. The hall. One I don't know that the.

The bar and the place. You know it's a great place to hang out and. To.

Have a disco and stuff. So I was there and I ended up. Dancing with her.

And. So I would have been 17. At the time.

And I was with my friend Neil. And we weren't allowed in. I think we had to kind of.

Because we weren't residents. But. I'm not sure how we got in.

We just. I think got in the back door or something. It's not a euphemism.

I mean actually there was a back door. And. I remember dancing with her.

And just there was that physical. Having her. Or having our bodies touching.

Dancing. Because dancing is a very intimate thing. Especially if you haven't had any human contact for.

A long time, ages. Something just. Beautiful.

So I don't dance anymore. But I have done. You know smooching and stuff.

Smooching. Is it called smooching? I really liked her. And I'm not sure.

Because. I'm sure I must have kissed her. Because why would I waste a year.

Talking to her on the phone. Writing poems. If I hadn't at least kissed her.

I didn't do anything else. But I might not have kissed her. I mean maybe not.

Which seems a bit. Yeah. Possibly not.

I wasn't the most confident person back then. I wasn't the love hound I am now. Ow.

Ow. It's not. That's just because I said ow.

Ow. Oh it's raining. I think it is.

Oh yeah. And. What else.

Oh yeah. And. Yeah she turned.

She came back. She was basically visiting. Her boyfriend from the year before.

Who she'd been seeing regularly throughout the year. She lived in Stevenage. So when I moved to London in 19.

Well. 89. Then I went back again in 1991.

Permanently. Well for 12 years. And I moved back.

And I decided to visit her. Now it's weird that I would still have a number. You know all those years later.

But I did. Still had a number. I still.

I think I still had the letters to be fair. Still had her address. So I just turned up.

I got a train to Stevenage. Turned up on a doorstep. And.

I think I'd still stayed friends with her. I think. Because I really.

You know I really liked her. So. I think I still stayed friends with her.

Anyway I'm not sure. But anyway I turned up. At a doorstep.

And Neighbours was on. And she wasn't home yet. From work.

Or no she she was out. So. I just said yeah I'll watch Neighbours then.

Invite myself in. Watch Neighbours. I had a laugh with the family.

And.Me and her we went for a walk. Up to some like big.

Not a canal but. It was. Not a lake.

Like you know those big boating things. Big like big bit of water. But anyway.

It was like not a pond. It was bigger than a pond. And we sat there.

I think she had a kid. Like a little little. Two year old or something.

And you know she wasn't with the boyfriend anymore. So. And we sat there and we just chatted for about an hour.

And. I'm not sure if. Yeah I was I think I was.

Completely over her. I was over her anyway but. I think meeting up with her.

She's beautiful. Beautiful woman. But I just.

Well she wasn't interested in me. Still. That's the bottom line.

I don't know if I if I was told that I. That I liked her still. I might have done. It's hard it's hard to kind of.

Predict. I know. A memory from the past isn't predicted and what I would have said.

Or what I did say because that's the past. But yeah. I don't know what it is I would have done.

But I still had had a. I've had an ice cream or coffee or something. Yeah I felt I went and got an ice cream. Came back with the ice creams.

Gave her an ice cream. Started eating mine. She said.

What about what about the little one? I said what. What about for the baby? I said it's not my baby. Don't think that went down too well.

I don't know. I didn't really have the. I didn't have my romantic head on that day.

Why don't you phone you. Phone your boyfriend up. Let him come and get an ice cream for your baby.

No I'm sure I wouldn't have done that. No no I wouldn't. Would I? No.

So yeah that was. That was the end of that. That was a completely pointless.

Story really. Not sure why I even mentioned it. I have traveled to see people before.

I've traveled to see someone that I've not met yet before yet. It was kind of like blind dating but. I'd seen pictures of her and she'd seen pictures you know.

Spoke to her on the phone and all that stuff. This is before the internet really kicked in. And I traveled all the way up to Birmingham to visit her.

That was a day. That was a day I'll never forget. Absolutely.

Hectic. She had quite a few kids. And.

They were just up to no good. Really up to no good. It was almost.

Yeah. I'm gonna have to try. I'd have to think through it to remember.

But. She she actually looked a bit quite like Pamela Anderson. Like when Pamela Anderson was.

Yeah I think she was really about 25 26. Yeah she looked like Pamela Anderson. So.

I'm not it's not the only reason I visited her because she looked like that but. It is. No I just got really well with her.

Back in them days I used to. I could connect with people on the phone. Very easily.

I could manage to. Talk on the phone and. Get on with people very well.

I guess that's. How I was able to get into sales and. Telesales and stuff like that.

But now on the phone. Don't like it no more. Don't really do phone calls anymore.

Don't. Can't be bothered. I don't like texting either.

So. There's. An in-person no thanks.

So kind of. Unless you get some kind of. New way of communicating.

Telepathy possibly. Could be. Potentially.

A way. To go. Didn't he.

No really. I don't know. Why.

No no no. One two. One two.

Three. Four five six seven. Because there's people in other countries that.

I get on with and perhaps you know be nice to me and. See if it sort of led somewhere. But I don't know I don't know what what I'm going to do these days just.

I've known people remember when I was younger people. In their late 40s and 50s and they'd meet someone. And they'd just be inseparable basically.

Because. They knew what they wanted by then they knew. Well not always not necessarily but they seem to know what they wanted in a partner.

In a. Yeah. Or at least they knew they didn't want. So if you know what you don't want then that makes it easier to find out what you do want.

I guess. I'm not sure. Ideally I just love to meet a woman that looks like me.

Talks like me. Drill a hole in a mirror. Happiness forever.

Hole in the mirror. Makes my life complete. No I don't know let's see.

I'm not saying I might drill a hole in the mirror I'm not. I'm just saying it's it's. I don't know.

I can't remember the last time I even saw a female. They do still exist don't they? We don't have any females where I live. So if I take Andre for walks but he's just men pretty much just around.

Rarely see a female at all. I might as well be on the Isle of Man. Right I'm gonna go upload this pile of trash and I shall speak to you very soon.

Very soon indeed. So I can't I shouldn't do the last bit with a weird voice so thank you for listening. Remember remember to be kind to yourself.

It sounds like I'm like I just put a funny voice on remember to be kind. Remember remember to be kind to yourself. Because you deserve to be happy.

Yeah so take care I shall return tomorrow lots of love bye.