#573 Let me bore you to sleep

Hello and welcome to Jason Newland dot com. My name is Jason Newland and this is Let Me Bore You To Sleep. Please only listen when you can safely close your eyes.

So hope you well. Hope you groovy. It's Monday the 4th of January 2021.

Yes, it is. Everything's okay here. So pretty good, pretty good.

Pretty good, pretty good. Let me have a look. Yeah, it's all right.

It's all right. We're getting there. We're getting there.

Just have a look. Yeah, the stats have picked up. So the 1st of January, I had 4,448 downloads.

Then the 2nd of January, 6,752. 3rd of January, 7,160. And the 4th so far, 6,955.

So yeah, I'm quite pleased with the start of the year. Stats wise, it's kind of around the 7,000 mark average. Which is nice.

I like that. I really do. I got a message from my bestest boyfriend, Sebastian.

And he likes to give lots of useful critique. And he told me that I'm very unprofessional with my audio quality. And the sound is not loud enough.

It says, I mean, he put it in quite a very rude way. But that's just the way he is. He tries to get a rise from me.

But actually, what I take from it is, okay. I'm taking it as, instead of just being really annoying. What can I do to improve the quality of the sound? And I think the problem I have is the equipment I'm using.

Although it's good equipment, the microphone is good. It's not ideal for this. Podcasting, because it does pick up background sounds.

So I need a dynamic microphone. Dynamic. I need a better microphone.

Which is dynamic, which means it won't. It'll pick, it'll basically focus more on my voice and not on background sounds. So I'm going to be getting a new microphone as soon as I can afford it.

And I'm also going to be getting, because of the, to get really good quality sound. I'll get the microphone first. See how that goes.

But I'm looking, let's have a look. I'll tell you exactly what it is I'm doing. If I can find it.

Where is it? Where are you? Where are you hiding? There you are. Right. There's two things I've got in my Amazon basket.

So one is the Shure SM7B cardioid dynamic microphone. So I've been doing quite a bit of research tonight, looking at different microphones and just trying to figure out what would be ideal, really. Now, there are cheap microphones you can get, but I've done that, you know, I've done the cheap microphones, I've spent years trying to improve the quality of what I do.

So this one, the Shure SM7B is going to cost me £298. But the quality of the sound should improve a lot. I wonder, I want to try something out, put the mic, put the headphones on a bit.

Someone's looking at the monitor. I don't know what that does. So, yeah, it's what I might do is get a microphone first.

And then I've got something else on my list as well, which is a Rode Rodecaster Pro podcast production studio, which basically means I'd have the microphone plugged into that. And with the headphones, I could, I can make it sound as perfect as possible. Whilst I'm actually doing the recording.

And then, then I will have, I will transfer it to the iPad and edit the software, use editing software to edit it, you know, to make changes and take the beginning out and, you know, just basic stuff. Which means. It should be a lot better, should be louder.

And then what I'm going to need to do is look to get a decent laptop to do proper editing, because unfortunately, the iPad, I like the iPad, but it's okay for now, but it's not, it's limited because it's all apps. And because the equipment I'm using is hardware, I really need something substantial to be able to connect to either during or afterwards to do the editing. But that will be the third thing I get out of those three.

And it'll be a, I don't know, it depends what I can manage to get. The thing is the, the Rode thingamajig, the Rode Rodecaster Pro Podcast Production Studio is £533.90. So it's £851.90. That's going to be the investment that I'm going to try and get together in order to really improve the sound to make it much louder, but clearer, so that it fits more in with the sound of the, anything else that, you know, if you play something next after it, you don't have to keep turning the volume down because it's too loud. The next thing you listen to, for example.

The thing I will say on that though is that my podcasts are softly spoken, especially the whisper ones. So they're never going to be loud. Does that make sense? So yeah, I'm gonna have to figure it out.

I mean, can it still be the same volume as someone talking? But you know, because when I, when I do the whispers, this is like, this is how I whisper. Or am I going to have to start going, this is how I whisper. And now relax your mind.

Yes. Yeah. Stop being calm now.

And I mean, whisper shouting, that I would class that as. But we'll see. You know, I'm willing to do whatever I can to improve the whole product or whatever you want to call it to improve the podcasts, to improve your listening experience to be, I just thought the best way to improve it is to get someone else to make the recordings, get someone else to talk.

And that'll improve it by 100% instantly. Did I say at the beginning, only listen when you can safely close your eyes? I think so. Blimey, maybe I didn't.

So that is my plan. That's the plan. Yeah, that's it.

That is it. And what I'll do is I'll record it. Once I've got both of those items, the microphone and the mixing thing.

Studio, which is a, I don't know how big it is, but I'll record the audio onto a mini like disc drive thing, MIDI disc thing. And then I'll transfer that to, I guess I can transfer it to the iPad to start with and do the editing and then, you know, move forward. So I just want to just, I need a microphone that I can use in a room that isn't completely silent.

And this room is not completely silent. There's stuff going on outside. Sometimes birds singing.

Some people don't mind that. I love, I love the birds singing, but not everyone does. I remember years ago, someone posted on YouTube.

Will you please shut that bloody pigeon up? And that's more in the summer, to be fair, than in the winter. But I don't know if pigeons hibernate. They're going to live with the hedgehogs.

But yes, I, I just, you know, I've got to the point where I want to, I'm never really happy with the sound. I'm happier with how the sound is now compared, compared to how it used to be. It's really much better.

But the loudness, that's where it kind of comes unstuck a little bit because the, you know, the louder it goes, the, the, the more kind of background sizzle there is. It's not like someone's frying some sausages in the background. It's not quite that sizzly, but there's a, but even now, there is a background sound in the room.

Like a humming. So I don't notice it generally, but I can hear it while I do the recording. And the microphone's picking that up because it's a really good microphone.

However, it'd be, if there was me and another person talking, it would pick them up talking. And if there's someone playing a guitar, it would pick that up. So it's a good microphone for that.

But for like one person talking like me, I need to start looking into becoming, I know Sebastian was, you know, trying to put me down, like saying, oh, it's so unprofessional and stuff. But the fact is I would like to become more professional with what I'm doing. I do generally, not because Sebastian thinks so, but give, you know, give credit where it's due.

Sebastian is an expert on that stuff. That's one of his skills is audio and audio editing and recording and stuff. So if he was a bit closer, if he lived a bit closer, probably I'd have to work harder at avoiding him, I guess.

Blimey. So yeah, that's my plan. So it's not a reaction to, it's a little bit of a reaction, but it's a positive reaction.

I'll try to do that because, you know, someone says, the music's too, or not the music, but the audio is not loud enough. Then I do try and make those changes. And I have tried to increase the volume on the recordings, but I don't want to do it to the detriment of the actual quality of the recording.

Because I can overlay and overlay and overlay to the point where it doesn't sound very good anymore. And sometimes I do that a little bit, but I have to limit it. Because otherwise it's almost starts to sound a bit metallic.

And I want it to sound nice. I do. And that's, for me, that's part of the whole process.

The part, you know, is just for the quality of the recording to be good and for my voice to sound okay, even though I might sound a bit grokey. But I think my voice is okay for me. I don't guess my age.

I do. I think anyone listening to me wouldn't think I was 50. If you didn't know it, if you didn't know that I was very old, you wouldn't, from my voice, you wouldn't, I don't think that many people would guess my age from my voice.

I mean, I suppose if you listen to these Let Me Boy This Sleep recordings regularly, you might guess my age due to how full of wisdom I am and how adult and mature I am as a person. You know, how, how sensible I am and how I portray and come across as a really, yeah, very mature, sensible adult. Very responsible, you know.

So, I think I probably, maybe you'd think, well, it must be, must be older than 12. But 50, I don't know how many people, so if you see me, you probably think 70. He's an old man.

He's really old and he's bald. I dyed it before, he might have hair. I do have hair.

I shave it. Although, I am going, I've got a bald patch on the top of my head. It's not a big fryer tuck bald patch.

It's, but it's thinning. It's thinning, very much so. But I can't see it.

That's why it'd be quite nice to be six foot six, because nobody would ever see it. Unless I did my shoelaces up. So, I guess I just wear slip-ons all the time.

I do like slip-ons. I do. I won't lie, I like slip-ons.

So, okay, here's a story. Oh dear. Yesterday, okay, a couple of days ago, I felt a little bit uncomfortable.

Physically, a little bit in my bum. Okay, and I'm good. This is, if you don't want to hear about my bum, then switch it off.

But don't worry, I'm not going to get all serious. I'm just going to tell you about what's happening with me. So, I, yesterday, all my troubles seem so far away.

Yesterday, I thought I'd better check it out. So, I'm in the bath, air-checked, and there's a big old lump in me. And, if there was a lid on it, if there was a lid on my bum, just underneath the lid, there's a there's a, you know, a lump.

And, so, I'm assuming, oh, it's probably Pharmagiles, piles, hemorrhoids, and various other names that they have. So, I don't really want to talk about this as a subject. But, I just, I was a little bit worried because it was so big.

It was, honestly, it's a big old one. It's, do you know those, those space hoppers? That, you know, I don't know if kids have them anymore, but space hoppers. Well, it's like that.

I can actually travel on it now. I can bounce around on it. I got to the shop really quick today.

And, so, I had a delivery come in today. So, like, last night, I put on some hemorrhoid cream. Just, I've never, I've had the odd lump that goes away, and I just assumed it's the odd pile.

And, it is a hereditary thing, unfortunately, for my family. And, I just thought, well, let's just do the same, you know. I've spent a lot of time sitting down at the moment.

Not getting out as much as I normally do, because, I suppose, because of Christmas and stuff. And, so, yeah, I bought this hemorrhoid cream. I can't believe I bought hemorrhoid cream.

I just never thought I would. It's not, it's, you know, it's just, you know what I mean. I just didn't, I just, I don't know, I just didn't have that on my to-do plan.

It wasn't one of, it's not been on my bucket list, you know, get hemorrhoids, buy hemorrhoid cream. And, but, hey, I did it anyway. So, you know, I put it on, and without going into details.

Some people travel the world to get to know themselves better. I just got hemorrhoids, and putting that cream on, I definitely got to know myself a lot better. In ways I didn't want to know.

And so are you, I guess, you're getting to know. You don't really want to know the inside, whatever about your anus. Oh, dear.

But I was concerned. I won't lie. I was concerned because just the size of it.

I mean, blimey. And space hopper. Do you know those monkeys with the big massive balloon bums, big pink balloon bums? It's just giving you a visual of, you know.

Anyway, I was a bit concerned, and I had to collect my prescription from the pharmacy today. So I went up there, and I decided I was going to ask the pharmacist, the man that works there, if he could give me some advice. Well, just if I could ask him a couple of questions about the condition, whether or not he advises I go to the doctors or hospital, or, you know, if I wasn't sure if it was just hemorrhoids.

And I just wanted to check, you know, is I only get one bum hole, so I want to look after it. So I just I go into the pharmacy, I get my prescription. And I say to the lady behind the counter, is there any chance I could talk to the pharmacist, please? Have a quick word, just need to ask her.

It's very personal. It's about a personal, you know, private part of my body. It's not my nubble balls.

And she said, okay. And I said, she said, okay. And the pharmacist came out as a woman.

So I decided, I don't know, maybe I should tell her it is my nub. But I just, I didn't know, I was a bit embarrassed. She said, would you like to step inside my room? Because she had a room, consulting room.

So I said, okay. And because I didn't, you know, she stood there looking at me. I said, hello.

She said, hello. I said, I've got a personal problem. She said, all right.

And she called all the other staff over. So they could all listen. I said, come on, don't do that.

You're better than that. Come on. She said, yeah, I am better than that, but you're not.

I said, why are you doing that? She said, oh, I thought it might make the, your podcast more entertaining. I said, come on. This is, you know, a little bit concerned about the situation.

I wouldn't, I wouldn't talk. I wouldn't ask a complete stranger, a female as well. And he said, well, that's sexist.

No, trust me. It's, I don't want anybody, I don't want to discuss it with anybody. But I was, yeah, I don't know.

Just felt a bit weird. Felt weird. It's, it's like buying a nudie, a nudie book, a nudie magazine from the news agents.

If it's a man selling it, I don't care. If it's, I mean, not me, because I would never do such a thing. But I wouldn't, I'd almost, I wouldn't want to, I wouldn't want the lady to feel uncomfortable because of my purchasing choice.

So I felt a little bit like that. I mean, it wasn't exactly the same as buying a nudie mag. It was just, in fact, there was nothing like that at all.

But so I went into this room. And I was trying to, I mean, she's not a doctor. I wasn't asking really for a diagnosis as such, but just a little bit of steering, a little bit of signposting, a little bit of advice as to whether or not my worries were legitimate or maybe unnecessary at this juncture in time.

And she said, what on earth are you talking about? And who are you talking to? I said, nothing. I was just, just talking to myself, just practicing. She said, what for? I said, my podcast.

She said, oh, you keep going, you're still doing that are you? Still doing that? Why? Why are you still doing it? I looked in the eyes and I said, I don't know. Why? I've got no idea why. She said, you better give yourself a good old talking to when you get home.

I said, okay. Dead. And she said, well, don't call me dead.

Okay. So I told her that, you know, I basically told her what I told you just now, you know, found a thingy up there and she said, yeah, it sounds like hemorrhoids. I said, actually to be fair, first of all, she said, can you please put your trousers back on? I didn't really, I thought she'd want to look at it.

I didn't know, did I? Anyway, she didn't. And she said, yeah, it's probably very likely. It sounds like hemorrhoids.

And she described what they were and the process and everything. Told her I bought some hemorrhoid cream. She was very pleased with that.

She gave me nine out of ten for initiative. So that was nice. And that was about it really.

She said, well, just gave me a little bit of information, you know, not to worry, not to worry. But the only thing she said is, if you had a loss of appetite, which I have had a loss of appetite, but it's more through laziness than anything. So, you know, someone just handed me a burger now.

I'd eat it. I'd have no problem eating a quarter pound of cheese and fries and a big milkshake. That wouldn't have no problem with that.

But I don't have such things. So the idea of eating a sandwich and the yoghurt afterwards just bores my toes senseless. So she said, can you please leave? I said, OK, fair enough.

So I walked out and she she left the room behind me and went behind the counter of the pharmacy. And I shouted out to her, please don't tell everyone about my hemorrhoids. And she looked at me and I said, bye.

And there was a few people in the pharmacy waiting. There should have been more than two because two is supposed to be the maximum allowed in there at any one time due to lockdown, lockdown. So, yeah.

And then I went, where did I go? Yeah, did I? Yeah, I did. I went to the the off, well, off-license newsagents, whatever it's called, and got a couple of bits in there. Then I went and caught my bus and the bus was there within about five minutes going home.

And I went home. I came home. And here I am.

And. I kind of wish I had mentioned it now. But there's probably some reason why it was staying, the recording.

Firstly, because I'm too lazy to change it. Secondly, by the time I come to edit this, I'll have forgotten what I talked about. Completely forgotten.

I never talk about anything that's really memorable to me. I have to really concentrate sometimes to try and recollect some small portion of the hour of me talking so that I can make. You know, like a little title for the recording.

I nearly fell asleep then. I did. Well, so I can make a, I started thinking of the word hat.

That's not what I wanted to say. I didn't want to say nothing about a hat. No, no.

it's been a weird few days really because I was saying this to a friend earlier that usually I start the new year really really quite optimistic, you know about to do something new, something I was looking forward to doing and for some reason 2021 just seems almost like an extension of 2020 it's as if we haven't actually moved into a new year for me that's how it kind of feels which is very very weird because normally my celebration is the new year not as in drinking or anything but just a new start yeah a new

start but this year didn't seem to offer that it just I don't know just a bit weird a bit strange innit oh blimey blimey heck blimey blimey mccriney sniffy sniffy sniff so yeah it's it's all right I did a I did a couple of recordings earlier today and that was it really I mean I thought about doing one of these recordings earlier but then I ended up being well I was actually woken up by an electrician who wanted to do test the electrics Andre and I'd already cancelled it with them because of the lockdown and

stuff I said I don't want I can't have people coming into my house so I'd already cancelled it guess what he did right he went downstairs to my neighbor who was booked to see in the afternoon so he went knocked on his he's already knocked on my door at nine o'clock and I said I've already cancelled on Saturday because I'm self-quarantining you know and he said oh okay sorry he went downstairs and my friend said he knocked on his door at nine wasn't supposed to knock until the afternoon when my friend said you're not supposed

to be here till the afternoon apparently the bloke said to my friend downstairs I wouldn't be but of the your neighbor upstairs cancelled without letting us know really seriously like of course I didn't hear it be said so um there's no reason for my friend to make it up it's like wow that's a bit a little bit of troublemaking isn't it you know I'm waking you up it's your neighbor's fault for not cancelling for not letting us know that he'd cancelled although I spoke to a lady on the phone on Saturday morning about 11 o'clock

I actually phoned them specifically oh dear other than that it went really well everything's really going good ever so pleased ever so ever so ever so pleased it's so cold outside I went to the garage with my friend earlier so cold I'm not going out ever again that's it staying indoors staying indoors till spring oh yes spring because the temperature's really like wow I don't normally doesn't normally bother me too much but I've noticed it really noticed it last early this evening in the last couple of days noticed the temperature especially in the evening proper

proper cold from cold oh saw a film that was okay actually I quite liked it called fantasy island and it's kind of like a horror fantasy film that was quite pretty good I started watching a tv show I think it's called the third day with Jude Law let me just check if it's right yeah the third day it's an HBO series it's it's really good it's really weird it's very strange so I'm not going to put too much information in because I don't want to be told what happens in it I just want to you

know watch the thing I'm a bit sniffy today what a lovely sound I think it's the weather oh it's my lower back really ached when I walked to the garage which is making me think perhaps I should stop walking to the garage so why would it hurt because I've got a lower back issue not quite sure what it is why would it hurt more in the cold because I thought cold would actually be really good for it very strange and the thing is what I normally try to do to ease the lower back issue is

to do some weight a little bit of weight lifting to strengthen the back you know a bit of muscles in the back get them strengthened but because of the uh the uh you know the thing you know the thing that I mentioned earlier the little fella down the well or up the chimney whatever he's um the chimney it's yeah uh weight lifting and stuff is not ideal is it don't want to do anything that puts a strain on the pain I don't want to um yeah I'm trying to move let's move away from that yes

this is let's move away yeah yeah you got it let's move away now come on no more messing around now come on let's move away there's nothing to see here oh leave me alone oh you're so you're so rugged and handsome you know my darling oh my darling here walking through the town when I saw you for the first time I knew you were gonna be mine oh yes I did and I couldn't stop looking at you to everybody knows that me and you belong together yeah me and you we're gonna wet each other I'm

gonna kiss you all night long and hopefully you'll do me wrong or you won't do me wrong I said hopefully you won't hopefully you won't hopefully you'll not do me wrong and everything will be fine do do do Oh, I don't know why you stopped singing, it was so lovely.

The reason he stopped is because it really wasn't lovely and he could tell by looking around that we didn't like it so much. No, but I really liked it a lot.

I've never been so happy. OK, I'll stop, I'll stop. So yeah, it's been a fairly, fairly, fairly quiet.

Which is, you know, yeah, it's been not much happening at all, which I'm OK with. Oh, I've been watching Cobra Kai on Netflix. So it's season three and I've watched probably four episodes, probably, roughly about four episodes.

And yeah, three, four. It's very good, I'm very thoroughly enjoying it. It tastes weird though.

Yesterday, there was a, two young lads and I've no idea what I'm talking about now. I've drifted off, drifted off to a place full of wishes, full of dishes, full of kisses, full of people walking around, singing songs all day long, running down a hall, laughing at my small violin, violin. Yeah, it was so nice, but I didn't really like it.

Violin, violin. What am I saying about violins? I'm just half asleep, I'm genuinely so tired. I really could, well I am, I'm going to go to bed, I think.

It's time for bed. Time to go to bed. Beddy-byes, beddy-beddy-beddy-byes.

Time to go, time to go to bed. Beddy-byes, yeah, beddy-beddy-beddy-byes. So yeah.

So I'm not sure, I hope you feel you've been educated with this presentation. Oh, no, no, not at all. I'm going to put in a complaint, a complaint, I tell you.

I'm unhappy, I was expecting something more substantial. You can expect all you like. Expecting.

So yeah, it's been an OK day. It's been alright, you know what I mean? It's been alright. There's other things that could have happened, but it never did.

It never does, you know, it's been alright though. You can't complain. Well, I can, and I do.

Oh. So, so peaceful, so peaceful, so peaceful. So yeah, I'm probably going to bring the recording to an end because, yeah.

I don't know why. Gonna go in a minute. Anyway.

I'd like to say thank you for all of my listeners in 2021. It's your, it's your. Yeah, I'm not sure.

I'm not sure those sounds are really necessary. Right, it's time for me to go. Thank you for listening.

Remember to be kind to yourself. So yeah, thanks for listening. Remember to be kind to yourself.

Because you deserve to be happy. I just fell asleep there. So, take care.

Lots of love. Bye.