#574 Let me bore you to sleep

Hello and welcome to jasonnewland.com My name is Jason Newland. This is let me bore you to sleep. Please only listen when you can safely close your eyes.

I'm just going to have a look see if I've got any messages at all. In fact no, wait a minute. Because I've realised I can record and use the internet at the same time which is good.

So where are we? Facebook. Right, let me see. Okay, nothing so far I don't think.

So I want to say a big hello to Rachel, Boston, Vanessa, Georgie and Hadassah, Jade, Ella, Teresa, Yannica, Gwissy, Heidi, Melanie, Kelly, Susan, Cassie, Leticia, Jodie, Riley, Angela, Molly, Kerry, Alana, Brad, Bethany, Ed, Matthew, Fiona and Jenny, and Beth Marie, Ashley. Yeah, that's a few. So hello to you all.

Hello. I hope you're all doing okay. I did a recording earlier, which was number 220.

Relaxation stress, relaxation hypnosis for stress, anxiety and panic attacks, winding down it's called. Two versions, one with and one without music. One without music is 48 minutes long and the one with music is two hours long.

So you might want to check that out. It's on my relaxation hypnosis for stress podcast. I'm just seeing if there's any messages.

Oh god, there's this same person going on about adverts, keeps contacting me and I can't get rid of him. I'm trying to get rid of him. Keeps, I just try and how can I delete, delete the person? Okay.

Okay. Delete the conversation history. Delete.

Won't even let me delete it. Come on. Any comments? So nothing on there.

So yeah, I haven't had any comments for the last couple of days or today anyway. Yeah, cool. That's all right.

Don't matter. Okay, here we go. And okay, the one from Sebastian Kinkos telling me I was unprofessional and lazy.

So that's fine. I mentioned that yesterday. To be fair, that's quite a good description of me.

Unprofessional and lazy. I might have that in my headstone. That's a very good description of me as a person.

I'm very lazy and very unprofessional. I strive towards being more of that. That's kind of my goal in life is to be even less professional.

So there you go. Yeah. If I was a soldier.

Deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep. So that's it. Trying to think what I should talk about.

What should I talk about? I don't know. I think what amazes me is with women on Facebook or, you know, places where people post pictures. How a woman can post 15 pictures and every single one of them looks different.

They look like a different person in each one. And I try and if I try to make myself look different. I'd have to have surgery.

There you go. Just amazes me. Amazes me.

Oh. So not much is going on, to be fair. Not much is happening.

I made that recording. Just be watching the Downing Street briefing on TV live with the Mr. Potato Head talking to the people about stuff. And I wasn't sure what it was going to be about.

I knew roughly what it was going to be about, you know, the subject matter. I thought he was going to give some new information, but it's all about the vaccinations. 1.3 million people vaccinated already, he says.

So, but he also said on Sunday that he wasn't going to close any of the schools. And then on Monday, he said he was closing all the schools. So, you know, who knows what's real and what's not.

I don't know. Very tired. Very tired.

So, yeah, it's just very zero happening at the moment, just indoors. It's lockdown again. Unlike the first lockdown, like the first lockdown, the train, the buses, trains, everything was running the same.

The buses were just running. There's no one on the buses, but they were running normal. And I was able to get to the shops and stuff if I needed to.

But I didn't really want to go into the supermarkets. It kind of seemed a bit, I don't know, it goes against the whole point of having a lockdown if people are going out. Stay at home, but go out though.

And so I was trying to avoid the people. And so I just went to the local shop in the garage and got deliveries from Amazon when I could. And I had some help from some of my listeners sent me some stuff from my Amazon wish lists of food and things, toilet paper.

And now it's really cold outside. So I don't want to go out because it's so cold. But at the same time, at the same time, I kind of do want to go out because I'd like to go out.

So it's a little bit different. The first lockdown, it was March, so the weather was okay. In fact, the weather was better than it was really nice.

And then the second lockdown was what? October and the weather was okay there as well. Now this lockdown, it's cold. It's really cold.

Yeah, it's really proper bitter cold. Went out yesterday, last night. When I went out yesterday, I went to the pharmacy yesterday.

And then about 11 o'clock or so I went, walked to the garage with my friend. And it was cold. Even with my hat on and covered up.

It was cold. It was just cold. It wasn't enjoyable.

It wasn't a pleasurable experience. So I don't know, as soon as my bum heals, I'm going to get onto the exercise. I don't know why that's funny.

I want to get onto the exercise bike and try and burn off a few calories and burn off a bit of energy and hopefully feel a little bit better. I suppose I could do it without sitting down. I could ride it standing up.

But I don't know. Probably doesn't seem like a good idea to be sitting on it at the moment. So yeah, it's weird.

It's strange. Very strange. My neighbour's just got in downstairs.

He's got his music playing and I don't know if you can hear it on the recording. I tell you what's really weird. I think Andre's learned how to transport himself from one room to another.

Because I was having a lay down. And then I decided I'm going to make a recording. I got up.

I could hear him. And he was lying in, fast asleep, inside a jacket that's on the floor that he sleeps in when he's in the bedroom. So I get up, close the bedroom door.

Come in here. I close the kitchen door. Then I come in here.

Set the recording equipment up. And I start making a recording. The one that I did earlier.

And I hear a noise. And I'm thinking, what on earth's that? I look over and Andre is asleep in this blue jumper on the floor. Just underneath the table.

And I'm thinking, what the heck did I look at in the bedroom? I go into the bedroom. The door's open. Not wide open, because I actually have it.

I've got a chain attached to the wall to keep it open. So it doesn't close on his tail. Because I try and learn.

If something happens to him, I try and make sure it doesn't happen again. And quite a few months ago, he got stuck. The door closed on him.

And it was basically trapped his tail. And he was not very happy. So I made sure that it never happens again.

I've got the same thing in the living room as well. A chain to keep the door open. So the door was closed, but it was open.

It was closed, but it was still open. That makes sense. I closed it.

I closed it proper. And he was in there. And I didn't hear him come in here either.

So I'm thinking he's got some kind of transportation system set up. Anything to annoy me, really. He's the king of annoying me.

He's the king, don't you know? So yeah, I'm feeling all right, actually. Bit tired. So just, you know, I've been thinking about the future.

And in a way with the lockdown, because I have to stay in, you know, it's just the rules. It will be law tomorrow. We have to stay in unless we're going out to work in a job that we are supposed to be doing.

Or, you know, there's a few examples of when we can go out. The only one that applies to me is emergencies, you know, like going to medical appointments and things, which most would be cancelled anyway, probably. And going and getting food.

We are allowed to stay in our bubbles. So I'm allowed to go down and be in my go see my friend and he can come and see me. But I've only got one person in my bubble.

So I think the bubble was about two households, wasn't it? It wasn't about six different people from these six different households all getting together. I think. But anyway, so I've got that bubble.

But there's just me, Andre, my friend and his dog. That's the four of us. As far as the law goes.

I get deliveries. I'm still I'm hoping that saying, you know, there are different supermarkets still will have the slots available. Because they've been really good, actually, since the first lockdown, they've opened a lot more slots and probably took on more staff to cover the work that it takes and the delivery drivers and stuff.

So it's been pretty good the last few months. But I don't know, you know, people will be out there panic buying again, probably today. I really don't know.

But it's weird. It's strange. I just hope that everyone, everyone that listening to this is well and safe.

I wish that for all of you and your families as well. This is weird times, weird times. I don't normally talk about the coronavirus to be fair.

This is pretty much a coronavirus free podcast. So I'm not really talking about it as such just a little bit about the lockdown, you know, but at the same time, I'm trying to keep trying to keep it light, trying to keep it light. If possible, nice and light, just like me and Willy.

See? And I don't know why I say that. You know, I've been thinking about, isn't it just weird that there's, I seem to be a lot more attracted to women in other countries than I do to women that live in my local area. It's not fair.

It's not fair. I was thinking of, this is not related to the last sentence, I was thinking of when all of this stuff comes to a close, you know, the restrictions in traveling and all that stuff and cruises get back on track and traveling just gets back to normal. Then I really would like to come and visit some places and maybe do a, like a, not a show necessarily, but a Q&A kind of meeting, meet and greet kind of situation where, where, I mean, it could be as simple as renting out a cafe somewhere for the night, for the evening and just inviting anyone local that listens to me.

I'd plan in advance and then we could all have a burger together. Just, you know, just something like that. Something, I quite like it to be quite simple rather than you know, imagine trying, because if I rented out a burger place in the evening, then they're not going to want any money from me.

They're just, as long as everyone eats, they'll be fine. Or a vegan bar, doesn't have to be, as long as it's not sushi. Or seafood actually.

I don't know what it is, but I just got an aversion to seafood. I don't mind fish, like fish fingers, fish cakes, even the odd bit of cod, but that's kind of it. I don't mind seaweed, funny enough.

Do you know Chinese restaurants that have seaweed? Tastes very different to the seaweed on our beaches. But it's, I don't mind that, but I'm not really into seafood. I do like burgers, but I don't eat them very often.

So, you know, a burger is something that I'll eat maybe a couple of times a year, maybe 40 times, 40, 50 times. It's not often, maybe 300 times a year. It's not that often, you know.

So every couple of hours I'll have a burger. So I don't eat them that often. Pizzas, I used to have delivery, pizzas delivered to me when I was in town.

When I lived in the town, I used to get a large pizza for £10 delivered to me. And I'd give a couple of pound tip to the driver. And I did that pretty much every week.

It was nice, you know, every Saturday night that used to be a thing. In fact, it wasn't every Saturday night. It's probably, probably once a month, actually.

It wasn't because of the cost, because I was working. It's just, sometimes I prefer just to buy a pizza to eat, or I prefer to do something else. Maybe get a Chinese takeaway or, you know, something different.

But the, now, since I moved here last five years, the main times I get pizzas is when there's boxing on, when there's a big fight on. And, you know, it starts at maybe seven o'clock, eight o'clock in the evening. And I get a pizza delivered for about eight or nine, sometimes before it starts, depending.

And I used to drink lager, so I'd have some lager with it as well. But I don't drink alcohol anymore, for some reason. I don't know what it is, but I don't.

And that used to be my thing. I used to really like it. It used to be really cool.

And so it'd be maybe twice a month, maybe sometimes once a month, depending on how often there was a big fight on. And I'm not really going anywhere with this. This was, I've moved away from the traveling bit, haven't I? So, yeah, I like pizza.

That's what I'm saying. So maybe a pizza place. Yeah.

If I could be, if I could specify some places in America, some places in Australia, maybe New Zealand, Canada, just some places where there's enough people. And I'm not talking about thousands. I know thousands and thousands of people listen to me, but I try to work it out.

It's probably about 20,000 to 30,000 people listen to me, which isn't a lot of people, but it is to me. But I imagine not many that would really want to actually meet me. So, but those that would like to, I thought it might be interesting.

It might be fun. You know, record it, make some videos, stick on YouTube, like a meet and greet kind of thing. Just, hello, I'm Jason.

Yeah, we know who you are. We listen to you. Yeah, but you might not know what I look like.

Yeah, we're on your Facebook page. We've seen pictures of you. And then everyone can leave disappointed because Andre's not with me.

So I can't take Andre to Australia or America. You know, some states in America actually having an affair is illegal. Seriously, it's illegal.

So I can't take him with me. But what I could do is set it up so that my friend here does a live stream of him, holding them up to say hello to everyone, and maybe just show it on my iPad or something so you could see him waving, something like that. I don't know.

Yeah, that's not a bad idea, is it? I don't know how it would work. I mean, you imagine traveling to, let's say New York. Okay, let's say that's one of the places.

And although you know what, if I went to America, I'd love to try and get on stage. Just do a little like an open mic set, you know, just do a few, talk a few jokes and a few little bits about myself in that. That'd be a dream.

That'd be like, wow. So I could meet everyone at a comedy club. I could say, look, let me go on stage for 10 minutes.

If they say no, I said, well, especially if it's like a Tuesday night, I said, we've only got 15 people here. How about if I bring you another 30 people or 40 people to come along? Will you let me on then? And they might say, yeah, yeah, love that. Can you bring 30 people? 30.

So I'm not thinking there might only be 30 people in the whole of America that would like to actually meet me. I don't know. It's really difficult, really difficult to know.

Hello, Andre. Hello, baby boy. Doing a massive poo.

That's nice. Lovely. Lovely.

So yeah, that's just what I'm thinking. That'd be cool, but it would need to be organized in some kind of a way. And I don't know.

I don't know the first thing or the first. Yeah, I don't know how to do that. It's out of my knowledge base.

I mean, it's hard, you know, even just organizing a live Facebook stream. I don't get many people watching. So mind you, I don't normally give much notice about doing it.

But then the live stream is different from actually meeting the person, isn't it? I mean, there's one thing here in my thoughts is I'm completely different. It's smelling them. God, that's definitely worth your entrance fee.

Oh, my goodness. I can't believe I just said that. That's wrong.

It's wrong. So yeah, I know I'm kind of fantasizing a bit. But definitely would be nice to, you know, sort of, I suppose to the countries I'd like to travel to really as far, just English speaking countries to start with.

And then if there's enough people in, I don't know, Thailand, or I don't know if anyone listens. I know people do. But I don't know how many.

But if there's people in France or enough people rather in France listening, then it might be worth going to France. But again, these places are big. And if people are spread out, just say there's 20 people in France that listen to me, that want to meet me, or would like to meet me.

Then they might be like all different parts of the country. So to get them together, to find like an ideal place, an ideal time, an ideal date for people to come down and would be strange, unless, unless I did something in England, where you could come, stay in a hotel, and have a meet and greet there. But you come from wherever you are in the world, and stay here in like the local hotel.

I mean, there's a local hotel near me. And there are rooms that I could do the meet and greet stuff. There's a restaurant.

So I don't know how how many rooms they have. But I could just just book the hotel for a weekend or something. And say, you know, here's, I'll book it.

And then if no one, you know, block book all the rooms, and if no one books the rooms, then I'll just pay the money for the rooms, regardless if people come or not. Or they can just, you know, release them closer to the time if people if no one wants to come. I don't know, what do you think? And what I'd like to do, here's a weird thing, I'd like to get, I'd like to have some music as well.

And it should be for me, I'd like to get Ali Sherlock. She's an Irish singer, brilliant, brilliant singer. So book her to come and sing some songs as well.

And then it'll be me and Andre will be with me, because I'll be here. And you can all meet Andre. But then, you know, it's kind of an expensive journey for people, you know, to travel if you know, it's airfare and then I've been staying here.

If you're going to go touring, then yes, it's as expensive as you want it to be. But the hotel rooms aren't really that expensive. It's not it's not like a really, it's not an expensive hotel.

But of course, you know, if enough, if more people than can fit into the hotel want to come then I'm really, I'm really being imaginative now and I, but there's other places in, in my town. Unless I did it in London, but London would be very expensive. Hotels in London, proper expensive.

Could do with the Ritz. Yeah, could do with the Ritz. So yeah, just just a few ideas I've been bundling around.

I've been, I've kept them in my head. And now they're outside of my head so I can forget about them now. But if I did it in the UK, then there's, you know, there's some people from this country that perhaps would like to come along and maybe travel because, you know, there's people from other parts of the country, maybe would like to travel to come, maybe not like to travel, but you'd be willing to come along, wouldn't cost too much money and then stay in a hotel overnight.

But of course, if you live in the country, you might in this country, you might not want to stay in a hotel, might just come up for a couple of hours and then just go home. If you live like close enough. Yeah, I don't know, it might be fun.

And then those of you that have maybe got to know each other a little bit because of me, there's a few, or you can meet each other and also those that you've not met each other before can meet each other and you make new friends. And I am kind of the icebreaker, aren't I, in a sense, because you're there and you've all got something in common, is that you listen to my pointless ramblings or, you know, the sleep hypnosis stuff as well, which I think is quite professional actually. So yeah, I don't know, I thought it'd be fun to do something like that.

I may be wrong, but, you know, I know I'm not Elvis Presley or anything, but I don't expect, you know, I don't expect Elvis Presley to do something like that, but I don't expect him to have millions of screaming girls outside the hotel. But I just thought it might be nice to have screaming girls outside the hotel. I thought it might be nice just to put something like that on.

After, you know, 15, 16 years of doing this, I've met a lot of people virtually over the years, some of them which would probably quite like to visit, but then, you know, there's the expense of it. That's why I was thinking of like going to them rather than expecting them to come here. But it might be worth maybe doing it here first, doing a like a one-off meet and greet or an evening with JJ and Andre, and then go from there and see if it was worthwhile.

It might be really bad. I mean, I might have two people turn up or no one turn up or I might have everyone turn up and it's still really, really bad. Lots of disappointed people when they see that I'm only three foot tall.

I don't know, you know, three foot tall, 200 kilos heavy. It's a weird combination, but I'm basically a carpet, a big hairy carpet spread all the way. I don't know what I'm talking about.

So, I don't know. I didn't know. It might be interesting.

It might be something to look forward to. It might be something worthwhile. I'm not sure.

Genuinely, I'm genuinely not sure. I'd like to be sure, but I'm not. I'd like to be, but I'm not.

I'd really like to be, but I'm not. So, I don't know. I don't know.

So, we just have to see. We just have to see what the future brings, because I don't know when the trains and the planes and the helicopters and the space shuttles and the winged serpents start travelling again. I don't really know.

I don't know. So, it would be nice to know, but as yet I don't yet know. So, I just have to wait and see.

I have to just close my eyes and just, just, well, I don't have to close my eyes, but I just wait and see what happens. Nothing lasts forever. I think that's what people that listen to these podcasts hope.

Please, stop making these recordings. When will it end? It's a good way to get me to stop making these recordings, that's just to stop listening to them. Yeah, that is, that's the solution, because I didn't work it out yet.

I was going to. I was going to try and work out exactly how many people listened to the, or how many plays I've had for the Let Me Boy To Sleep podcast, the episodes, including ones I've shared on other podcasts. But, just during 2020, but it's a monumental task.

It's a lot of work, unless I've already done it and I've forgotten, but it's going to be, it's going to be 300,000, probably, throughout the year. About 300,000 listens. To these episodes that I do.

So, that's not something to stop doing, is it? If the episodes are getting listened to 3,000 times, 300, just say 3,000, 300,000, 300,000 plus times, then probably not something that I should just stop doing. I'll see. I mean, I'm hoping, actually, that something new will occur and I'll come up with a new idea.

A new type of podcast or something like that. And one that really, really kind of becomes popular. Proper popular, you know, like millions of downloads a week, kind of popular.

But I'm not sure what would do it. I think I'm like a grower, not a shower, I think is the term, is what I'm doing is constantly growing. Constantly increasing.

So, the popular podcasts are getting more popular, you know, monthly. Yeah, it makes sense to me. I think, I think, I think, I think.

I mean, for example, let's have a look. Yesterday, I had 7,180 downloads. Today, so far, 5,051.

And it's six o'clock in the evening. So, there's still seven hours left of the day before the stats stop. It usually stops about 1.30 in the morning.

So, it's been a, you know, fairly okay day, really. All things considered. Yeah, so I'm okay with that.

I'm alright with that. Yeah, it's all going right, you know. Oh, let's have a drink.

So, yeah, I'm not sure what, what the plan is. I'd like to read more. I read a book the other day.

So, I want to get more knowledge. The thing is, for every recording I make, there's a lot, quite a lot of, it's not hard, it's not hard work. But it's time consuming.

It's quite a lot of stuff that goes into it. Quite a lot. So, I'm going to call it work.

But, I mean, really, I was thinking about this earlier. You know, whether or not, oh, so I'm just rearranging my bum. If, if I got paid, I was thinking like, you know, trying to turn this into a business eventually.

So, I can earn a nice living and have a decent lifestyle. And I was thinking back to, let's say, my last job that I had, which didn't pay much. And I was thinking, well, if I got paid that, I think I was getting paid, I think the basic was 15 grand.

And then I got a bonus on top of that. So, the bonus was okay, but, so probably 20 grand, let's say, 20 grand a year. So, it wasn't, it wasn't, it wasn't, you know, I wasn't getting a great bonus.

Let's say 20 grand a year and and working 40 hours a week. Now, someone said to me, here's, here's 15 grand a year. Don't worry about, you know, no bonus, but 15 grand.

And all you need to do is make four recordings a day and then do the editing and upload them. As a job, that would be a really good job. I mean, 15 grand is minimum wage.

I think minimum wage is like eight pounds something an hour. So, 15 grand would be minimum wage. 20 grand would be above minimum wage.

Obviously, extra hundred pound a week, minus tax and national insurance. So, if I was offered a job to do that, so we'll make four recordings a day and we'll give you 15 grand a year. So, you know, you can do the four recordings and take up as much time or as little time as you want.

You know, you would do the editing and upload it and everything. So, technically, I could probably do it in four hours. If I was really careful and I did a couple of half hour recordings, maybe a 20 minute recording and then an hour recording, you know, I could probably do it in four hours.

Plus another, maybe five hours. So, with the editing, I could probably get it all done in five hours. See, which is part time.

Which would put my hourly rate up to, I don't know, probably 10, 12 pound an hour instead of eight. So, yeah, it's probably, in the past, I would have jumped at that opportunity. So, that's what I need to have coming in.

Once I paid off the debts and paid off the equipment that I'm paying off and as well as future equipment, like a new microphone, a new mixing desk, some stuff like that. All for this. I don't get anything out of that stuff.

I mean, I try to make the quality sound as good as possible, but it's not for me, it's for others. I don't listen to my recordings. I listen to them when I'm editing them, you know, I'm listening to them then.

But that's it. Once they're uploaded, I forget about them. Because there's another one to record and another one and another one and another one.

Ever and ever and ever. So, I don't know. I imagine I'd jump at the chance.

Five hours a day. In fact, I might say to them, I'll tell you what, I'll do eight recordings. Pay me for 10 hours a day.

So, pay me 30 grand a year instead of 15 grand. Yeah, 30 grand a year and I'll do eight recordings a day. If someone offered me that, I'd take it.

I'd say, yeah, 30 grand a year for eight recordings. Although making eight recordings is a lot of work. Huge amount.

Day in, day out. I don't know, I'm not even sure if I could. I think six is the most I've ever recorded in one day.

And that was a rarity. I mean, it's, I think I'll try and do three a day now. But I might make another one or two later as well.

So, I might end up doing, this has been my third recording, fourth. I might have five today, I don't know. I need to do another bedtime story time, I think.

So, I'm not sure, I'm not sure what I'm gonna do. But just remember everything I do, I do it for you guys. I do it for me.

For me. So there. That was a lovely cup of tea.

Thank you, young man. So, I wanted to, I kind of want to go out, but, because there's very little around here. There's literally, great if you love trees.

Although the other day, oh, the other day, probably at the weekend or Friday, Thursday, I don't know. I looked out the window. I thought it was a pigeon.

Probably a pigeon. And then I realized it looked nothing like a pigeon. And it didn't have wings.

It looked like a squirrel. But I know, or at least I thought I knew, that there were no squirrels around here. Never seen a squirrel in the park.

Never seen a squirrel anywhere near the houses that I've been around, you know, that didn't see any squirrel ever. Gardens, houses. Although there is a neighbor up the road that said that she gets squirrels.

So this squirrel arrived and I was so excited. Because I love the squirrels, me. I don't know what it is.

I think I've got an affinity with them. I think I am actually a squirrel. Yeah, I am a squirrel lover.

I'm a squirrel lover. If you don't know me by now, you will never ever know me. It's so good to be around me, even if you don't remember my name.

I wonder who's making some weird scratching noises. I hope it's him. I'm not sure if it is.

Definitely something. I'll go and explore to find out what it is that's scratching at the wall. I'll definitely find out for sure.

Yeah, I'm so tired. Could easily go for a nice, nice little lap. Lap, lap, nipple lap, nipple nap.

Nice nipple nap. Been lovely just to let my head down. You turn.

What am I doing? What am I talking about? See, I talk rubbish when I'm drifting off to sleep. I start talking absolute rubbish. And I don't know why, I don't know why.

I should make the effort to try and cook some food for myself today. But alas, I knew him well. Alas, I can't.

So I guess I should bring this to an end very soon. Very, very soon. Yeah, so I'm gonna go now.

Remember, remember to be, to be kind, kind to yourself. Yourself. Because you deserve to be happy.

Lots of love. Bye.