#513 Let me bore you to sleep

Hello and welcome to jasonnewland.com My name is Jason Newland and this is let me bore you to sleep. Please only listen when you can safely close your eyes. And the punch bag has just moved on its own.

Which I find is, I find, I find is quite strange. It generally just moved on its own and is still moving. Just gently and it's not swinging wildly otherwise I'd be running out of the flat screaming.

But it's, how strange. Surely me sitting down on a chair hasn't rocked the entire building so much that the punch bag's starting to swing. Come on, I'm not that heavy, surely.

Never been so angry. So, I'm furious. I heard someone say that once when I was working in this insurance company.

It started in August 2004, or was it September, something like that. And so I was working, I don't know, I kept calling it the dance floor, the sales floor. I was working on the sales floor and this female lady, she really didn't like me.

For some reason. Almost kind of been aiming snide comments at me. And couldn't really figure out why.

And then once I started selling, once I became, or I don't know, showed that I was equal if not better than her. At selling. She seemed to like me.

That's weird. I don't know, I think what it is sometimes in those kind of jobs, especially that firm, because they were really getting rid of people quickly. You know, if a person didn't perform to a certain level within about a month, then they'd be kind of gone.

So I think that, well, I know I saw lots of people come and go. So maybe it's one of those, you know, you get attached and then the person leaves or gets sacked. And then another person comes and sits down in their chair and it's not your friend anymore.

It's your friend's not there. It's some man with a beard, with a full, full head of hair. Full, curly waves of hair that will always be there.

And you look at that person, they're what, 30, 35 years old. And you think, you know what, he's going to have hair forever. He's always going to have hair.

He's got such a big, thick mop of hair. There's no possible way that he could ever lose his hair. I mean, that's an impossibility.

I would bet anything in the world that even at 50, he's going to have such a full head of hair, especially at the back. It's going to be even thicker on top than it is at the sides. Anyway, so where was I? Was I? I forget what I was talking about now.

Working in an insurance company. How did I end up talking about working in an insurance company? I don't know. How curious.

So I've done a few recordings today, which is good. Did a deep sleep whisper earlier. I did, what else should I do? I did a Jason's bedtime story time.

And this. So yeah, that's it, I think. I'm sure I did something else.

I can't remember. I lose track, I really do. I do lose track.

So I'm genuinely trying to think what I was talking about when I very first started talking. And I mean, you know, when I first started actually talking verbally as a child, you know, when I was nine, I'm talking about. Well, I wasn't talking about Andre, was I? Makes a change.

I wasn't talking about. I'm going to go through all the things I wasn't talking about because we'll be here all day. A buzzing sound somewhere.

So yeah, it's weird times. Weird. Yeah.

I'm a bit tired. I get little periods of tiredness. And then I have like a almost a little boost of energy.

I cooked dinner for myself today. For the first time. In ages.

First time in ages. So. So here's.

Here's my day. Here's exactly what I've done. I've got some messages to read out.

But before I go through that is the title of this recording. This number 500 and. I've got no idea.

What number is? 513. I'll tell you what, though. I know you love hearing about the stats.

Today. I've had nearly just under 6000 downloads. 5975 and there's still half an hour left to go before the stats finish.

Yesterday I had 5608. And I had a bit of a lull for three days. Three days in a row.

The second, third and fourth. Just under 4000. And it's so disappointing.

And all the days before that were like five and a hundred. Yeah, just under 6000. One was five and a half thousand.

One was 6280. But those three days in a row admitted to go up. Gradually to just under, you know, 3728, 3781 and 3941.

And then up to 5608. And today 5975. Very strange.

I don't know what happened. And it's really weird. I'll tell you what's strange about that is.

When I get 3781, I feel like a loser. I feel that's weird. It might sound strange, but I feel.

Like I've failed. Yet. Realistically.

3780. Is 1,379,700 a year. 1,379,000.

So it's not really that bad, is it? You know, realistically, if you're based in the UK. And you're based on a year. It just.

I don't know, just I don't know. I suppose when it's when it's kind of getting to 6000 a day and suddenly it's under 4000. It's like, oh, no, it's going the wrong way.

So it gets me a little bit. Aggie a little bit. Oh, no.

In fact, if I bit my nails, I would probably have bitten my nails. But I don't bite my nails. It's.

I used to bite my nails when I was younger. But I haven't done so for some time. It's.

I think, yeah, when I was at school, but just out of. More because my nails grow. So I used to bite them instead of cutting them.

I did that for years and then I thought. Maybe I'll invest in some. Nail cutters.

So it cost me about. One pound. And this is how hygienic I am.

I share my nail cutters with Andre. Yeah, I cut his nails and I cut my nails. How grim is that? Yeah.

Making him share my my nail cutters. Don't tell him that he thinks they're his only. As far as I'm concerned with the same person.

I know we're not the same person, but he's he's my genetics. He's my. Biological son.

I know he's not. Obviously, I'm not that delusional. I'm quite delusional.

Not quite that delusional, but in my heart. He is. My son.

He is my my blood. It's strange, isn't it? I still find it weird because I've never been. Never really been attached to.

Animals or pets ever really in my life. I've lived with dogs, lived with cats. Never really felt attached to them.

Always got on with them. And but not not like with him. I put up with so much stuff from him.

So I've got a couple of messages. Let me just have a quick look at what I've got. So.

Oh yeah, did I tell you what the thought the. Yeah, the name of this recording is going to be. Going bald is not as funny as I thought it would be.

That's the name. I don't normally have a name before I start the recording, but today I did. Because it's something that I sent to a friend.

And. So I posted a picture. I posted a picture of myself.

Was this yesterday, was it? Oh. I thought it was today I sent that. It was yesterday.

So maybe I've already read this out. I don't think I have. If I have already read it out, then don't worry.

I'm reading it out again. I posted a picture. Hi ladies, who wants to date me? Question, question, question, kiss, kiss.

And there's a picture of my head. I've basically held the camera. The phone above my head and took a picture of the of the top of my head.

And after seeing how bald I was going. I. Probably did the one thing that other people wouldn't do. I posted it on Facebook.

Facebook to share. It's. I've not quite got together my social skills.

I need to work on that, I think. I went down to my friend. Okay, he cut my hair.

Shaved my head off like I bought my hair shaved off. Probably about. Six, seven weeks ago.

And now it's grown back quite a bit. And I said to him. Why didn't you tell me that I was bald on top? And he said I did tell.

He was laughing. You could see he was actually holding in a laugh. You see in his eyes.

You know you can see in someone's eyes when they're laughing their eyes. Laughing their eyes off. And he was holding in a laugh.

He started smiling. He said I did tell you. I said you did not tell me that.

Yeah, he said thinning. Thinning is different from actually being bald. I mean.

It looks like my scalp part of my scalp has just got. Someone's got a pen. And just drew a few lines on it.

Looks like a gorilla's bum. I mean, it's just ridiculous. So.

This bald around, you know, is it the crown of the head? So I think that bit. It's practically bald. Seriously.

All around. If it. And you can see one side of it where it's actually receding even more than the other side.

So I'm just going to have hair around my sides like the ears. And around like a fryer tuck kind of style haircut. And then further down you can see the front of my hair.

And there's a big. Like bald patch at the front. It almost looks like I've been combing it over to cover the the bald patch.

On the sides and I didn't know it was, you know, I've not done that. It's just naturally how my hair grows. Because I didn't know there was a bald patch.

I knew I was receding. I concede to the recede. OK, I knew that was happening.

You know, I noticed it a while back, but not like that. Nothing like that. I mean, that is, it's like saying, oh.

And I'll go, you know, I'm walking around. I've got a wet foot. Not realizing that my whole body is soaking wet.

That's a difference. A wet foot and a whole body. A little bit of thinning compared to a big bald patch with some hair on top.

An egg, a hairy egg. I mean, Easter, I won't be sending Easter eggs. I'll just send everyone a picture of my head.

And I can't believe it. I look at it and. There is disbelief, seriously.

In fact, the picture. You can see underneath the picture is my big belly. And you can't even notice the belly because all you can look at is the head.

Oh, my goodness. So I suppose it's not a bad thing. Now I know instead of losing weight, I can just walk around with my head down really low.

And I'll distract everybody. The baldness will distract people from my belly. I'm not really selling myself, am I? But that's what I did.

And also, there's grey as well. So that's brilliant. Brilliant.

I mean, great, you know? So there's grey at the front, grey at the sides. So I seem to, my hair seems to have grown back from being bald to. There's not that much grey, really.

But the bits that are grey are the bits that no one's, the bits that aren't grey, rather, the bits that no one sees. And the bit at the front of my hair is grey. The sides of my hair, that's where a lot of the grey is.

The back of my head, hardly any grey at all. What's the use in that? What's the point? Come on, I'm waiting. What is the, tell me, what, what is the point of that? Anyway, here's the comments I got.

Bearing in mind, if you know me, you kind of pretty much know where I'm coming from, generally, you know? So, hi ladies, who wants to date me? So, Jodie says, I like this one. Jodie's lovely, I like Jodie. I've known Jodie a long time and I really liked her comment.

It's got lots of likes and everything as well. Jodie says, it's not a bald spot, it's a solar panel for a sex machine. Oh yeah, oh yeah, I like that, a lot.

Suzanne says, bless you cousin, it's supposed to be a sign of maturity and knowledge. And then sticking a tongue out, so that was, I think, oh, I thought she meant it. And I said, I agree.

Vanessa says, Jason, you'll find the, the in, don't worry, I think that's the one, I think it's meant to say. This is Vanessa, Vanessa said, I have a hard time finding the right guy, maybe because I'm Sicilian, I don't know. So I'll send a, a love thing there.

I don't believe Sicilian would have anything to do with it, it's, it's, I don't know how, I don't understand why that would, I mean, genuinely, I'm not sure. Love's love, isn't it? When you fall in love, you fall in love and don't matter where the person's from, doesn't matter even what language the person talks. It's love, it's, doesn't, it's not a logical thing, is it? I guess.

Gemma says, single lady, 28, G-S-O-H-W-L-T-M, like-minded gentleman with own crap for quality naps. And P.S. said female will also supply her own crap. And that's a yay.

So G-S-O-H, I'll come back to that, W-L-T-M, would like to marry. Um, I'm taking too long on this one, I should be, my razor sharp wit seems to have gone blunt. G-S-O-H, got sausages on ham.

Anyway, so that's one message, that's for that. Let me see what other ones I've got, because I posted it on another page as well. Let me have a look.

Oh no, I put it on the Let Me Boyd Asleep one. Let Me Boyd Asleep, for you to share. So, by the way, if you didn't realize, if you didn't know, I have a Let Me Boyd Asleep Facebook page, just for you.

Okay, so I've got three comments on that one. Um, from Sarah, it says, um, probably not the best picture you could have chosen. Anyway, you're happy as is, right? Just you and Andre equals no grief.

Perfect. So that was from Sarah. And Vanessa says, dating you, I do have nothing against dating you, to do with your hair.

Okay, that's just as well, because I haven't got any. Imagine ladies laying on Jason's lap, listening to him talk, as Andre is on your tummy and you're petting him. Everybody would be so relaxed.

You would also be relaxing and stress-free. They are both so perfect for stories and cuddles, I am sure. I think you have great hair, Jay.

Thank you, Vanessa. Oh, that's lovely. And it's the other way around, though.

We'd all be laying on Andre and squashing him. Boston says, Jay, you crack me up. So I'm glad that it was seen as a joke rather than serious.

I wasn't actually trying to get dates. Believe it or not. Okay, so I've got a couple of messages I want to read out.

And I'll read the first one out. I figure if I'm going to read out my messages, I'll read out ones that aren't always greatly nice. And I'll read out the nice ones.

And today I got two of the nicest messages I've had for a while. So I'm going to read them out. I won't tell you who wrote them.

This one is from Michelle. And I'll say the first name, but it could be anyone. And most of the people that listen to me aren't on my Facebook page.

So people follow me from all over the place. Most people just find me on podcasts, and that's where they listen. And, you know, some people, some people, this is from Michelle.

Hi, Jason. I've been listening to your podcasts on and off for almost a year now. And I wish I could give more.

And she, Michelle gave me a PayPal gift. So thank you, Michelle. I've already, I did already message her to say thank you.

All your efforts, insights, struggles, happy times, guidance to sleep time, adventures and loving moments with Andre are why we listen. These experiences in our lives is what makes us human and connected. All your candor and honesty about daily travails, quandaries and joys of life are a wonderful path to connect us all to what our real life is all about.

The daily ins and outs of life. The ability to enjoy and share the small but interesting moments in a day that we can all learn and grow from. Discover insights, share sadness, past memories that have filled us up or emptied our souls of life force.

Times when we were on top of the world and the opposite. We've all been there. Your sharing yours makes ours more accessible to explore, ruminate on and feel more connected.

You are a friend many of us wish we had to share thoughts face to face. Thank you. It's the very least I could do.

Where's my glasses? Sorry, I got distracted. My glasses fell off my lap. I just saw something moving near my groin and I thought what the heck's going on? This isn't getting me off, is it? But it's my glasses.

You are a friend many of us wish we had to share. Sorry, I just realized what I just said there. You are a friend many of us wish we had to share thoughts face to face.

Thank you. It's the very least I could do for what you offer me. Cheers, Michelle.

Thank you, Michelle. That was absolutely beautiful message. Really appreciate it.

It's lovely. And on a day where I thought I wasn't, you know, couldn't wouldn't get any more like that. I did get a message.

And this one is from Georgie. So hi, Jason. I'd like to send you another message just to say thank you for getting me to sleep through the night again.

A couple of years ago, my anxiety rocketed and I was getting around two to three hours of sleep a night and having a nap during the day. I have listened to you every night, even though I'm now sleeping through the night for seven plus hours, which has been about five to six months. You truly are one in a million and need to be protected at all costs.

Wow. So thank you, Georgie. That was I'm gonna say thank you.

But hopefully, George, Georgie, you'll hear this. Wow. How lovely is that? So I thought I'd just read those two out.

It's one of those weird days where it's been a mixture of well, nothing bad. Well, one really annoying thing happened when I first got up. And it's probably something that we've all done at certain times.

I opened the door naked, opened the front door naked and damn, I forgot to put my socks on. No, not that. I didn't have much milk left, but I had just enough for my cereal.

And for a cup of coffee. I walk in there and I dropped the bowl of cereal onto the floor. So the bowl of muesli.

I sat down. And I think part of it is because I've moved the setup. So I used to have a table to the right of me.

And I used to put it on the table before I sat down and all this stuff. Now, things have moved to the right of me. And I've got the other chair, which I'm sitting in now.

I kind of got to sit so I can make more recordings more comfortably. Sitting comfortably, like in this chair, which I am. So I dropped it on the floor.

And I had no more milk. I had breakfast cereal still, but I had no more milk. So I had to, I may do with toast, but I didn't have any marmalade.

Which is ironic because I think it was only yesterday that I, I was looking at buying some marmalade in the shop and I didn't get any. I thought, no, I don't need any. But I did.

So I had just toast with butter, well, margarine. And this big pile of muesli on the floor. And for a second, just for a second.

I thought, maybe I can scrape some off and put it back in a bowl. But listen to me, let me finish, let me finish. It sounds, it's not as grim as it sounds.

I was going to avoid any, any of it that had contact to the floor. Okay, does that make sense? Just like take the top layer off. And I changed my mind.

I just got a bit of newspaper and just cleared it all up and had me toast. And it wasn't the same, just wasn't the same. And then I realized I had to go out.

I needed to get some food, just a few bits to keep me going for, you know, a few days. And I don't get paid till next week. So it's still like eight days before I get any money.

But, you know, I've got enough to get me through hopefully. And so I thought, well, how much have I got in there? So I should have 30 pounds left in the bank to get some food and bits and bobs. I look in there and I've got 71 pound or something like that.

I was like, what the hell? And I'm thinking that's weird. Someone's put money into my bank account. I mean, there's only really, there's only a few people that has my bank account details that could put money into my bank.

I mean, there's my dad, there's a couple of, like three friends and my dad, that's it. And the only reason they've got my, is because they've lent me money. That's the only reason they've got the, apart from my dad, that is.

Um, my dad's only got it because he gave me a birthday present at the end of August, but the rest of, they've lent me money. So they had to get my bank details to put it into my bank account. And then, then I'll pay it back to them through, you know, online banking.

And that's a lot of explanation, wasn't it? That's almost one of those explanations. It was far too long and detailed for it to be true. It must've been a lie, but it was true.

So that has distracted me from what I was talking about. I was talking about banks, banking, online banking. Oh yeah, so I had money in my bank.

So 36 pound or something like that was put into my bank. In fact, let me check. I'll tell you exactly what it was.

I like to, I like to tell you everything. Ain't no hiding here. It's all available.

Let me have a look. There's not that much in there now. Yeah, 36 pound I had put into my account.

There's 39 pound in there now because I spent 30 odd pound today. And it's from the council tax. I got a council tax refund.

Can you believe? It's like, wow, it's never happened before ever. So basically they take, I have a monthly direct debit with the council tax. And as I do with the television license, uh, with the broadband, with the telephone, mobile telephone, and with the iPad, it's all, all direct debits.

It all goes out, you know, first of the month. So I don't know how they managed to overcharge me. You know, it usually works out about 18 pound a month, something like that.

And yeah, so 30, whatever it was, 35 pound out of the blue. And again, it's come at a really good time because this has been one of those, uh, two week periods when I don't have any money for two weeks. And I just, uh, and it's sort of going together quite well.

I've had help and it's, it's like, wow, what's a strange, strange thing to happen out of the blue. So I dropped my cereal and then I got a tax refund. And then, then what happened? And then I got those two messages today.

I was like, wow, you know, this is nice. This is a nice day. I was feeling tired earlier because I hadn't had enough sleep because I'd, um, I'd woke up and I got up when I didn't need to really, but I wanted to watch something on telly because, uh, the walking dead, the, the latest episode was on the stream.

So I watched that and I was going to go back to sleep and I thought, well, actually I need to go to the shop. You know, it's one thing going laying down when I haven't got anything else to do. You know, nothing important that I have to, uh, you know, an activity that I need to be participating in.

But today I did need to go to the shop. I didn't have any milk. I, you know, I'd run out of a few bits.

So I went to the shop with my friend. And we got to the, the bus came really quickly after only like maybe five minutes of waiting. And we got there, the bus broke down on the way, but managed to manage to get it started again.

Um, you know, we were pushing it for a while, got it started and the shop wasn't busy, which was nice. I got what I needed. I took two carrier bags this time though, because last time I went in there, I only took one carrier bag and I was just struggling to see because of the mask.

It was steaming up my glasses and trying to fit everything. It was like a puzzle, you know, trying to fit everything to one bag. So to have two bags really was useful.

And it took the strain off, you know, so that was good. I was walking, I was about, I was crossing the road because there was no traffic coming. And suddenly this car appeared out of nowhere.

And it was doing, well I couldn't see it when I went to cross. And suddenly it came into focus and we had to stop. And it slowed down.

It didn't slow down to let us cross. It slowed down to be within a legal speed limit, I guess. Because it was definitely must have been doing well over 100, maybe 120.

To be, to not be, it was on a, I suppose it was on a curve. To go from not being able to see or hear a car, for it to suddenly, for it to be 200 meters away or 200 foot away or something is, that's quite fast. It must have been traveling.

Even my friend said, oh, that was traveling fast. Yeah, that's the whole story really. That was it.

And then we crossed over and the bus was about 20 minutes, got that back. And only going there, there was no one on the bus. Well, no one at the bottom of the bus.

Going back, there was a couple of people at the back and that was it. So the buses, the buses seem to have quieted down a bit. Because yes, like last week or maybe the week before those, it was last week.

There was quite a few people on the bus, which was the first time I noticed that over the last couple of months, the buses have been getting busier. But today, practically no one. Although I'm sure after a certain time, you know, like three, four, four or five o'clock, there'll be students and stuff.

This was, I'm pretty sure we went there about two o'clock. Just before the school shut. So that was, you know, otherwise, I guess there would be more people around.

But when we got back, my friend knocked on my door about four. I was absolutely pelting down with rain. I'm proper bucketing it down.

Almost as though it's no, it couldn't be harder. No, it's not the first time I said that. But you know, when it's rained before and it's been hard, and I said it couldn't be harder, but I don't, it really doesn't.

It's like the limit of how hard it could rain here. I'm sure in monsoon places, you can, it could be a lot harder. But it was literally just, just crossing the road.

I'd have got soaked through. You know, and there was thunder as well, which is what I like. And I was about to go to, I'm not sure, my friend came up here, something he wanted.

And we looked out the window and watched people getting soaked through. Just because of this rain. And it was a blast of rain, you know, it didn't last long.

But the thunder continued. And I was really looking forward to it. I thought, oh, I want to lay down and listen to that.

But it just seemed to dissolve. And I think part of that is because when it was raining, I looked up at the sky. And it was not, it was quite bright.

It was quite a bright day today, could see the sun. I wasn't sure what it was for a while, but then I realized what it was. So we could see the sun.

And although it's cloudy, it wasn't full, proper cloud. You know, where it was going to last, where the rain was going to last. And the thunder was going to be booming.

So I'm guessing wherever it was, they had a lot more rain than what we had here. Because it stayed in the distance. Didn't come close.

But the rain did. But the thunder didn't. Oh, my foot is, that's really weird.

Why is it doing that? That's the second time it's done that. My foot's getting caught on the carpet. My sock is getting caught on the carpet.

It's happened twice now. I don't know why. I don't know why.

So yeah, I don't know. Should I shave my head? Should I wear a wig? I don't know. It just doesn't, it doesn't feel like me.

I don't know if that makes sense. I've been shaving my head bald since 2002, I think it is. You know, shaving, maybe it's 2003, but shaving my head bald for at least a year.

For at least 17 years, on and off. And pretty much every year, I would shave my head completely to the bone at least once a year. Sometimes twice in, you know, in the early days, I used to shave my head to the bone every Sunday afternoon whilst watching Smallville on telly.

But, one of the things I used to say is going bald is never going to be an issue for me because I won't care because I've been walking around with a bald head for many years. This, it feels different. It feels, there's something about having a bald patch rather than being bald.

And there's something different about shaving my head because I need to rather than because I want to. And I've always done it because I wanted to. And the idea of doing it because I need to Yeah, yeah, you know.

It don't smell very nice. It's uh, it's yucky, just the idea of it. Having to.

Having, I have to shave my head. And I don't have the face for it, that's the thing. I don't have the face and I knew I've never had the face, I've always had a face.

But I think a good description of my face is I've got a perfect face for radio. And that's a good example, a good face for radio. So as a radio presenter, I've got the perfect face.

I might have a fairly okay voice as well for that. So there is something I'd love to do. But I wouldn't, I don't know how to get into it.

I don't mean tell you about it. I mean, I don't know how to, how to get employed in something like that. When I would say potentially I've kind of, kind of already doing it in a way, kind of.

I mean, there's two kinds. There's those three kinds of radio shows that I could do, or that I might sort of be interested in doing. Something like this where I just talk for three hours.

But I guess I'd need to, I'd need to expand it, wouldn't I? I'd need to sort of talk about the news and newspapers and stuff like that. What's going on in the world a little bit more broader rather than just about my day or my life. So I could do something like that.

And that's quite a rare radio show. Not many people do radio shows like that. Most radio shows are music with a bit of chat.

And so I could perhaps do a radio show like that. I just, I suppose I'd be a bit worried that I might be too chatty. And people want to listen to the music and they're like, okay, are you going to shut up at all and let me listen to the music? So that would be something I'd need to learn how to do, I guess.

But I like to, I don't know, I personally think that there's two reasons why someone would listen to a radio show. And sometimes both those reasons could be ticked, you know, I guess the ideal would both be ticked and that'd be a perfect, the perfect show for that individual to listen to. But two reasons, or three reasons, if it's a live radio show, the time it's on, that's going to make a difference for the person, isn't it? If it's on at a time that they can listen to it.

Although you can listen to radio shows on podcasts now, so you never really have to miss anything. You might be listening because you like the music. So it's, you know, R&B or it's country music or, you know, whatever the type of music is.

Or you really like the presenter, you know, the radio presenter, the DJ. So I guess if you can tick all three of those boxes, it's on at the right time, you really like the music and you like the DJ, you like the presenter, that's a perfect combination. And I think the, I can listen to a radio show, not regularly, but I can listen to a radio show where I'm not that bothered about the presenter.

I'm listening because I like the type of music and they're all nice. All the presenters are nice and they don't seem to really say much, like smooth FM. It's like relaxing music, not like piano playing and it's just relaxed, it's really chilled out.

Famous songs from the past, it's, you know, it's really, I really like it. But I don't find that the presenters really give much of themselves. To the show, I'm trying to, what I mean by that is they don't, and to be fair, I don't listen to it huge amounts, but I've been listening to a bit more regularly lately.

And it's really more, here's the next song and maybe here's happy birthday to Bobby or happy anniversary to Tiffany and Tyrell, you know, that kind of stuff. And not, you know, it doesn't seem very personal to me, it's just a, and I've not listened to every, every broadcaster on the show, on the radio channel. So it's just a brief comment, so I don't know whether I would be suitable for that type of show because I don't know, I'm quite a personal person, I think.

I'd want to be involved, involved. So yeah, that's another type of show would be a calling show where people phone in and talk about certain subjects, but I don't know whether I'd be able to do that because I think I'd find myself making fun of people possibly too much, especially people with strong views because I find them funny. And the thing is that when someone's fixed, got a fixed kind of sense of who they are, and they're very fixed with their views, they are almost like a statue and you can run around them and they can't do anything because they're just a statue.

And it's almost like they've got a set of cliched sentences to say. And if you go off and you sort of, not attack them verbally, but if you, you know, if you approach them from a different angle, a different way, sometimes they seem to be, they struggle a little bit. And I don't know, I imagine I would come out, I'd either be really popular or really annoying, maybe both.

And I, you know, I'm not out to upset people. So, you know, I could be classed as like a shock jock and I don't, it's not really what I'm about. I'm a love jock.

I'm, I think I'm more interested in kindness and just having it nice, you know, that's more not, not into, and in the same way, not really into talking about politics or that kind of stuff. So probably a calling probably wouldn't be perfect for me. Maybe, I don't know.

I'm not sure. So I guess a mixture between me just talking about myself and talking about my day and just chatting, plus some songs, that would be, I suppose, an ideal recipe. I don't know.

I'm really not sure. I'd love to hear from a radio station that would like to give me a job, though. That'd be cool.

Because that's something I can do. Talking is something that I can do. And just being me, I would say I found my voice.

It might sound strange. You found your voice. I found mine when I was six months old.

Always had my voice. It's never left me. Goes wherever I go.

What I mean is I, there was times in the past when I would try and please other people. And times when I would purposely go out to displease them. So, you know.

And I think both of those scenarios, I wasn't really being true to myself. Wasn't really being myself. When I do these podcasts, this is me.

And I do like saying silly things. I do like making silly voices. And I do like being sensible sometimes.

And I am self-centered and all that stuff. I am. But I'm aware of it.

You know, I'm not oblivious to my faults. I'm very aware of them. In fact, I present my faults to people long before they even realize I've got them.

Some, we've all got faults, but those particular ones. And some people think I'm joking when I tell them that, you know, the main thing I'm interested in is myself. And I prefer a monologue to a dialogue.

And, I think some people really think that I'm joking. The idea that I like being on my own. I'm, I don't miss people.

I don't. It doesn't mean I don't care, because I do care about people. I just don't, I don't miss them.

I don't really give much thought to other people when I'm not with them. Perhaps because I'm busy. I've always got something to do.

I lose interest sometimes and stuff, but that's standard, you know, I would say. Can't be all, can't always be interested in everything all the time. But yeah, I like the idea of honesty.

I want to say honesty, I'm not talking about like, I don't think in order for someone to be honest, they have to open up and declare every single thing they've ever done in their life and admit to every failure, every mistake, every, even crime, whatever. To me, that's not honest, that's not honesty. It is honesty, but it's not, that's not what honesty is.

Honesty is, to me, being who you are now. Regardless of what's happened in the past. Because let's face it, if you haven't changed from who you were 10 years ago, then something's gone wrong.

Because we have to change. And that's, I think it's quite a good thing, maybe. Of course, not everything, I mean, I want to, I want my hair back.

I want, I'd like to look the way I used to look when I was 27, 28. That was probably my, physically, some of the best I looked probably at that time. I can't have that, it's gone.

But then, thinking about it, what would I rather, would I rather have that or have this? And when I say have this, I'm not looking in the mirror and pointing to me, you know, I'm not talking about how I look. I think I'd rather have me as I am, doing what I'm doing, hopefully helping others along the way, than just the superficial side of looking good. I mean, when I say I looked good, I did look quite good back then.

I was a lot younger as well, so I didn't have all, I wasn't as wrinkly and I had me hair, I didn't really have hardly any grey hair at all. In fact, I don't think I had any grey hair back then. I hadn't really started receding on my hair, a little bit maybe at the front, but not noticeable, and didn't have an inch of, inch of fat on me.

And things were going really good, actually, at the time. I was just getting into hypnosis and learning stuff and really enthusiastic about that. And I had a dating life, so I was, a social life for the first time, really, in a long time.

So things were really good back then. So this is a different kind of good. Now, I want my hair back.

I want my hair back. Where's my hair? See, it'll be interesting to see what happens. I wonder, I mean, I almost wish it was patchy so I could say it's alopecia, because then alopecia can grow back.

But it's not patchy. I've seen enough people over the years going bald and seeing how it looks, and that's how it looks. The thing is, my oldest brother was bald.

He used to shave his head, but I could see that it receded right, right back. You know, so he used to have a bald head, but I could see, you can kind of see where the hair grows with a bald head, like a shadow, isn't it? Yet, my dad is not bald at all. He's got a full set of hair, full set of hair, a full head of teeth, full set of hair.

So he's got hair. It's thinned, you know, but he's 75 or something. And you can see, he's got white hair.

You can see his scalp through his hair, but he's got white hair. But he's got more hair than me. And he's not bald, not balding at all.

So I clearly haven't, my hair genetics has not come from him. Because all my uncles have got their hair. My granddad had all his hair up to the age of 80.

And my youngest brother's got his hair. My other brother, older than me, but only two years older, he's got all his hair as far as I know. So maybe, I'm guessing it must be from my mom's side.

So I don't know anybody from that side of the family. So perhaps baldness comes from there. It'd be interesting to just, it doesn't really matter.

And I'd quite like to get a wig that spins. You know, it just spins on my head. That'd be quite funny to get one of them.

But you get it so it looks really realistic. And so you know, it looks realistic, not because a lot of them don't, do they? So get something that really looks realistic and then go somewhere public and start to maybe try and chat someone up. And then press the button and let things start spinning.

I don't know. I'd find it funny. Yeah.

Or I'd actually just get a really, really bad toupee. Specifically so that I can look funny just and have one that's too big so it keeps falling off. Keep pushing it back on.

I might do that. Yeah. So I can have fun with it.

That's what I'm going to do. I'm going to have fun with it. I'm going to have fun with being bald.

With going bald. Yeah. Right, that's it.

That's the end of this recording. Thank you very much for listening. If you've got any messages you'd like to send me, please do.

You can go to my website and there's a contact form on there. Or you can just leave a message on Facebook or Twitter, you know. So take care of yourself.

Remember to be kind to yourself because you deserve to be happy. Do something nice for yourself today. It doesn't have to cost you money.

Just do something nice, something you enjoy doing. Take care. Lots of love.

Bye.