#493 Let me bore you to sleep

Hello, welcome to jasonnewland.com, www. jasonnewland.com, in fact, my name is J-J-J-J-Jason Newland.

This is let me bore you to sleep, please only listen when you can safely close your eyes yeah, so I hope you're alright, you know it's strange, it's a little bit of a background sound, I'm not sure what it is, not sure what it is, but I played with my knob and tried to get the knob on the mixing desk thing that I've got, I've tried to get it down to the minimum of any kind of, what did you think I meant when I said knob, you have a filthy mind, so I tried to get

it down to as low as possible in between the words that I say, yeah, but I guess it's never going to be perfect unless I had a perfect setup and I'm not sure if a perfect setup exists, I suppose it kind of, well nothing's perfect is it, I guess, but I, you know, I'm pleased with, well I'm going to say, I'm going to use the word fact because I believe this, but I'm pleased with the improvement in the sound quality of late, it's taken a little bit of experimentation, it's cost, it's taken a bit of

investment, some things of which have been completely useless, but kind of found my way there-ish, I suppose the next step would be from this situation would to be actually to buy some more professional equipment, by that I mean probably some kind of professional recording, mixing, desky recording studio thing, and the microphone I've got is good, the setups, it's the most professional, you can't see it, I should take a picture and put it on Facebook so you can have a look, but I'm using one, I've got a microphone, the popper, so I can go without you,

I should be able to go without too much of a feedback or whistle, there's the microphone stand of course, you need a microphone stand, there's loads of cables and stuff like that, there is the Focus, let me see if I can put my hand through that without banging the microphone, yeah, there's some software, it's a hardware, not software, hardware called Focusrite, which I bought a while back, and this is what the microphone, because it's not a USB microphone, it's not one that plugs into a laptop, it needs the Focusrite, which does have a link that

goes into the to a laptop, the USB cord, so it's kind of, it converts it, that makes sense, I suppose it converts normal audio to digital, would that be correct, I guess, well as well as that I also have an extra converter, so the converter goes into another converter which then goes into the iPad, so yeah, I worked out with all the expenses and stuff, I think £2000 worth of equipment here to do this podcast, are you lucky, £2000, you could have done it on your phone for nothing, oh yeah, there's a point, well the

phone costs money doesn't it, yeah but you've already got a phone, yeah but just leave me alone, why don't you just use your tablet, you've had your tablet for over a year, yeah I was using my tablet, that's what I was using before, well why don't you just do that then, it was okay, no one complained about the sound did they, there's a point I didn't get really many complaints about the sound before, perhaps it was too low, because now the volume is louder than it was, I just found with the tablet, I use a

tablet for about over a year to make that, the tablet and the phone, between the mixture, between the two of them, for well over a year, maybe, yeah a year and a half, maybe, so you know I've made good use of them, but I think it's just one of those things, it's about progression, you need to improve, because I can't improve on the actual, the quality of the content, that's going downhill fast, but if I can improve on the sound quality, then that might make up for the reduction in point, pointlessness, pointfulness, pointedness, point, point,

point, point, so yeah, so that's, haven't made a recording since, so it's not so bad, that's another thing I've noticed, since, it's not as bad as what it was with the other microphone, plus it used to cut out, so I mean this isn't perfect, and if you've ever been in a recording studio, and I have, I'm not saying that bragging, because anyone can go into a recording studio if you have the money, you don't have to be a famous pop star in order to set foot into a recording studio, you just have to be able

to give the money, as in lots of different situations, you know, same as with staying in the Ritz or some posh hotel that costs 10 grand a night, you don't have to be famous, you just have to have money to do it, and you might save up for six years to have that £10,000 night in, I don't even know what the name of, what's the name of a good, the Ritz, the Plaza, no not the Plaza, the Hilton, not the Hilton, I'm thinking of London by the way, when I'm talking about this, what's the famous,

the most famous hotel in London, is it the Ritz, no not the Ritz, Hilton, but I thought the Hilton was an American company, it doesn't mean there is a Hilton in London, but there's a really famous, maybe it is the Hilton, I'm going to Google it, I am, the reason being, because that's what I got my phone for, so I can use it while I'm making recordings, so I can't use the screen because the tablet is being used at the same time, because that's what I'm using to record it on, most famous hotel London, now

there might be more famous hotels in other parts of the country, so before you start sending me messages, what's the most famous, the Ritz, the Ritz is, the Savoy, the Chiltern Firehouse, the Georgechester, Portobello, Royal Lancaster, the Goring and Hazlitt's, the Rosewood, that's quite good, the Savoy, the Sanderson, Lansbrough, Langham, Baglione, Claridge's, why wasn't Claridge's listed?

Okay, now what we want is the most expensive, most expensive, because that's the one, I guess I was thinking about when I was thinking, because you can go to those really top hotels, and yeah they're expensive, but not, you can stay for like four or five hundred pound a night, which is just such a small amount of money, isn't it?

Oh dear, Shangri-La, £499, what's the most, okay, oh wow, listen to this, the Palms Casino Resort in Las Vegas is the most expensive hotel room, apparently according to this, there's a Damien Hirst designed empathy suite, costs $100,000 a night, the room is the most expensive in America, wow, oh my goodness, blimey, mind you, there's a seven-star hotel in Dubai for 24 grand, wow, you're always talking about money, you're always talking about doing expensive things, it's like you don't want to be like us, you want to be something, you think you're something special, well you're not,

you're not special, you're just the same as all of us, no, it's not that, it's just, I can't actually remember why I was talking about hotels, what was I doing that for?

I don't know, I don't recall exactly why I was thinking about that, let me just trace back, expensive hotel, safe for six years, a plumber, I know that's in my head though, but I didn't say anything about plumbers, and before that, I still can't remember, let me start, let's go back to the start, hello, my name's, oh yeah, www.

adjustmentadjustment.com, only listen when you can safely close your eyes, why do you actually need to hear that, if you really need to hear that, then you should turn this off, because if you don't, under the Santa concept, listen to a recording based on how much you get to sleep, and of course you have to close your eyes, why are you driving a tractor, get off the road, don't listen to, what else was there, I do that a lot in recordings, and I try and edit them out, but now I'm way too many, which means, that,

oh I need to even try therefore the editing process, will be much quicker, quicker, in fact, if I talk a lot like that, I'm not able to do it, oh that was weird, I'll stop that, ok back to normal, I, yeah I was talking about something, oh god blimey, yeah I haven't, sometimes, when I don't make a recording for a few days, it feels like ages, feels like ages and ages and ages, when in fact, it's probably about three days, since I did a recording, and what's weird is today, admittedly I don't, this is Saturday,

I don't, weekends are a little bit slower, a little bit, a little bit slower on the podcast side of things, and regarding listeners, however, because, because, well, I've got less than 2500 downloads today, that's embarrassing, 2500 in one, in one day, now I'm thinking, well I'm not really thinking, I'm just looking at the last time I did a recording, which is, the 9th, and it's the 12th day, it's not that many days, is it, it's only a few days, so I'm just wondering, if I just stopped making recordings for, actually for a month, would I

end up with like three people listening, even though there's thousands of recordings, I just on the Let Me Boy To Sleep ones, oops, I have to edit that out, damn it, I might not, what have I got, 492 recordings on the Let Me Boy To Sleep podcast, 492, ridiculous, isn't it, so if I do go a little bit at a time without making one, and there's a few to listen back to, I don't reckon that there's many people, I might be wrong, but I don't reckon there's many people that could fit in my bath at

the same time, I'd say it depends how big they were, but two of me could fit in there, but we would have problems with, it would be a case of where are your toes, where, oh I feel them, oh can you please re-manoeuvre yourself, unless it was back to front, back to back, possibly, yeah back to back would probably work, still very squashed, spooning probably, you know, back to the front and then the person with their back to the person that's at the back, like a train, like a gravy, I like the word gravy in

it, gravy train, the water could definitely, turn a different colour, I don't know, yeah, anyway, that's not what I was gonna say, I don't, what was I talking about, hotels, well hotels, I remember, I don't reckon many people have listened to all of my recordings, or really don't, and some of you might be thinking, he really did forget what he was talking about again, because there was a bit of a pause there, wasn't there, why did he start talking about being in a bath, and how many people he could fit in a bath, what was,

what was even the point of that, how was that connected to anything, I don't know, I don't know, I'm gonna admit to be fair, I haven't, I haven't even listened to my recordings, why, why, how, why would I, how could I, I don't listen to myself, yeah, but you must be talking because you love to sound your own voice, no, actually, no, that's not why I do it, um, sometimes I think I sound okay, other times I think I sound a little bit squeaky, I don't mean when I'm purposely, purposely doing, you know, that kind

of stuff, but sometimes when I'm talking normally, just then it happened, I think that it just goes a bit strange, your voice, do you ever, do you ever get that when you're talking, like your voice just goes weird, like really, like your throat just seems to tighten up, like yeah, oh this is a lovely present, what a surprise, you've got to get your composure back, oh, oh, yeah, thanks for the bike dad, 42 years too late, but hey, lovely, um, it happens occasionally, my voice gets a little bit, uh, then I just allow it to

relax, I shouldn't laugh really, but I do find it kind of funny, just in a, you know, I'm not, I'm just, I can't be, just saying, just saying, just, you know, just, just, you know, chatting, um, some people who make recordings, um, don't always sound very relaxing, um, doesn't mean anything about effectiveness, I mean, I'm sure they're probably, maybe way more effective than me, I don't know, but I don't know, just hearing someone say, now close your eyes, I'm going to count down from 14 to 2, and you're going to relax with every number that

I give you, 14, 13, 12, 11, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, now you're relaxed, imagine going down an escalator, 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, you're now even more relaxed, and now you can imagine you're walking through the beach, not through the beach, but on a beach, and you can see the sea, you can hear the sea, you can smell the sea, and you're getting even more relaxed.

I think, um, in some way, see I'm putting on a really, I don't know why people say that I've got such a relaxing voice, I just, I don't see it myself, I can't really, it just, it's the way I was born, you know, it just was, it's the way, I think, remember my first words were, hi mummy, I'd like a drink please, I didn't cry, I just went, that's like a baby crying, but not crying, wah, wah, it's quite weird though, because, you know, I've got this, I talk fairly gentle and stuff, when I do

these recordings, and a lot of my recordings are based at helping people fall asleep, however, you should hear me when I actually am asleep, you know, if I just did the whole recording, and if I laid in bed making a recording, which I have done in the past, I don't do any more, and more so now, because of the setup, there's just no way I can set this up, in my bedroom, the way it is here, well I could, but it'd take a fair bit of engineering, and a bit of, not building, but a bit

of DIY to put some of these shelves up, and brackets, and stuff like that, which maybe would be good to do, oh, a bit of gas, I'll try and edit that out if I remember, otherwise I might not, it wasn't gas, it was me making a silly noise, burp, that's another thing I used to do when I was being, when I'd had something to eat when I was a baby, and I was being patted on the back, I would just go, burp, burp, burp, not so rough, I've done some burps, you can stop hitting me

on the back now, in fact, the only reason I'm burping is because you're holding me upright, which allows the acid, and the gas to manoeuvre through my intestinal tracts up to my windpipe, as opposed to when I'm sitting down, or curled up, so the tapping on the back isn't really doing that much, I don't want to be judgmental, no, I'm just telling you that you can take it however you wish, and that plastic bottle you tried to put in my mouth, it's not fooling anyone, if in the end of that it's supposed to fool me

thinking it's, it's like the real thing, no, should tell you how I know, should tell you how I know mummy, because when that bottle nib thing is in my mouth, when I bite it really hard, you no longer yell, you don't cry anymore, that's how I know it's not the real thing, this is getting creepy now, I'll stop, yes, I was a strainer baby, Dear Jason, sometimes I like the things you talk about, but on this occasion, I think it was a bit rude, it was a bit almost like self-indulgent, but in a in a

strange, parallel universe way, could you please just go back to talking about Andre, thank you very much, yeah, maybe, I've had a few messages and I realized that I should read the messages out at the beginning of the recording, purely because some people actually do, so I'm laughing, I don't know why, some people, okay, I'll get this out without laughing, some people listen to these recordings to fall asleep, and it works, it works for some people, hard to believe, but it's true, well, this is what I've been told, I don't spy on people, you know,

I don't have any any way of actually collating all that information, where's my messages, come on, I want to say thank you to Elizabeth for your PayPal gift, thank you, thanks for boring me to sleep, thank you Elizabeth, it's very kind of you, and I will send a thank you message as well, let me have a look, oh, oh, right, no, I can't see anything, I might have read this, yes, yeah, I read this from Mary Murray, hi Jason, the new mic is great, I was so relieved to find out that I wasn't going deaf,

as I'd had to put the volume up quite high when I listened before about the ads, they don't blast out, wish people would show some understanding, and there you have to raise money, to pay for all the costs, I'm sure the ones who complain wouldn't like it if you were prevented from funding their bills, if they were, no, if they were, all right, makes me so cross, all the best, Murray, how, how cross were you, were you furious, did you, did you chuck yourself on the floor, banging your feet and your hands against the floor,

in the tantrum of all tantrums, in the middle of the supermarket, oh, sorry, anyway, sorry, Murray, I know your support will be there, and so I couldn't help it, I can't help the things I say, I have no control, I do have some other messages, but anyway, Murray, I do appreciate that, thank you, I do, Vanessa said to me, hello Jason, hope you're well, I said, hi, I'm okay, thanks, I hope, I hope you're okay, I got a little bit of a giggle or something, for some reason, one day it's making some weird noises, so

a message to Lilith, so when is your birthday, it's Lilith's birthday very soon, it's a happy birthday, Lilith's been a big support to me over the last year, helped me a lot and stuff, so really appreciate it, thank you, she's a lovely person, I've got a message here from Luke, so I'm going to read it out, Dear Jason, I hope you do not mind this direct approach, I have been one of your listeners over the last year and you have definitely kept me company through the small hours of many nights, you have often made me

laugh out loud, which I know probably is not the idea when you are trying to bore me to sleep, yeah, I'll admit it, I'm not boring, sorry, I started off, it was a lie, I try to make myself boring but I can't, I'm just so interesting, during your conversations you have at times made reference, I'm not going to read that out because it doesn't feel right to read it in a funny voice or a silly voice, I just realised it was a serious message, oops, okay, well Luke, I won't read the rest of it out

because I just realised it was a, I'll read the rest of it out, anyway Luke, if you're listening I will reply to you, I got the message on Friday, it's only Saturday now, so I just haven't had time to get back to you, but I will, it's regarding doing something for charity, I generally don't like helping people, but I'll have a look into it, charity, if anyone wants to go there, it's called theresefoundation.org, Reese, R-E-E-S, foundation, as in the word foundation, dot org, as in O-R-G, okay, helping care experienced people thrive, okay, oh, it's an

English charity, well, in Wales, oh, okay, check it out, there's no point in me reading this out to you because you might as well just read it yourself if you're still awake, not now, not now, but later, theresefoundation.org, basically, well, not basically, what it is, is, from my limited knowledge, a charity that helps to support people that have been in care, and the reason that Luke contacted me is because I'd mentioned about being in care when I was a youngun, which I was, lived in, well, technically, I was kind of in care, different versions of

care, really, when I was fostered, lived with foster parents from about six months old, between three and six months old until about two, so technically, that is living in care as well, kind of in a foster, foster

kind of situation, but it wasn't with lots of other people, and it was with, I think it was just with my, one of my brothers, and my oldest brother lived with my nanny Grandad, is all the information I've got, and this was in Enfield, North London, so, or Edmonton, so I don't, I would love, love, love, love to meet them, and I don't see why they, well, hopefully, they're still okay and around and that, I mean, I don't know what kind of age they were when they were looking after me, but they wanted to adopt

me and my brother, so they clearly love me, there's no doubt on that one, and I'm gonna get all emotional, look what you've done to me, Luke, all emotional, I'm right mess now, my makeup's everywhere, oh, my makeup, I could have just said, my makeup's everywhere, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, um, yeah, so that was weird, so I'd like to meet them, and I'm just thinking, if they were the same age as my parents, or my, I would, they'd be in their 70s now, which is still, you know, it's not,

it's not old, so they might still be around, but why I'd like to meet them, I'd like, first of all, if they lived in the same house, how cool would that be, because even though I was little, you know, under the age of two, I still had a year and a half of looking at things, and seeing things, and experiencing, and smelling, and, you know, the house might still smell the same, you know, houses might sound weird, and you might experience the same thing, but my nan's house, my nan and granddad's house always smelled the

same, always had that smell, not quite, isn't it weird to say the word smell, it almost sounds like an insult, and I'm not being insulting at all, I mean my flat, my flat smells like ferret poo, but that's a, that's a lifestyle choice, you know, so I don't smell Andre, I don't smell a ferret, but the place is going to probably, the people that have never been in here before, or have never smelled a ferret, it probably stinks a ferret, I wouldn't have it any other way, because if it stopped stinking a ferret, or stopped

smelling a ferret, then that means Andre wasn't here, so I'll take that smell, besides I think he smells lovely, not all the time, not all the time, he has a way of letting off proper stinks, just like a skunk, but he is from that family, you know, so that's his ancestors, or his cousins, but so is the wolverine, which is the most toughest animal on the planet, pretty much, but just not big enough, it's not big enough, couldn't, can't take on, well if he's tough, can't take on a whale, take on a shark, well no,

if you plonk a shark in the jungle, I think a wolverine would have quite a good go at it, but in the water, shark might have an advantage, wolverine man, that's what Andre is, he has actually, he's in the family of a wolverine, a badger, like the badger family, badgers, wow, they're just, although he's tough, he's not, he's a little, he's not tough, Andre isn't, he's like me, he's just a little, he's not weak, he's not weak, like a weakling, but he's just very soft, he's gentle, nice and just like me, just a softy, but

he, with him, you push him and he does, he does retaliate, like when a little kid kicked him, he didn't retaliate at the kid because he would never hurt a kid, he just knows not to, but he, when I picked him up and I put him inside my jacket, he was going, he let off a stink, I'm really angry, he really, he was, he was furious, absolutely furious, furious, that word, furious, my dad used to say that, I'm furious, what's another stupid things that he used, I say here, I'm sure other parents used to say

as well, I mean he probably got it from his own parents, so I don't think he would have made it up, he just, you know, a lot of humans, they just hear it, learn it and just carry on in the world without actually, maybe noticing what they're doing, you know, I suppose there's a lot to be said for, you know, living automatically, but I prefer not to, I prefer to, I guess, know what I'm saying and be particular about the words I use, sometimes, not always, I don't know about you though, but my generation, my

generation, was that the who, wasn't it, who, it was, wasn't it, the who, generation, I've got a story to tell you, I'll tell you in a minute, yeah, so I'd love to meet you, if you go back and listen to some, because I do listen to my recordings, I don't listen to them, but I do kind of go through them to edit them and sometimes I hear bits and then I realize that, because I'm listening, I'm partly listening to certain bits directly after recording, and I realize that I don't finish what I'm talking about, hardly

ever, I'll start talking about something, you know, for example, that charity, the reesefoundation.org, got a good memory of mine, and no, it's not in front of me, it is on the phone, but the phone's blank, or blank, it's black, you know, the screen's off, and what was I talking about, yeah, and then I end up talking about dolphins and wolverines and stuff like that, but yeah, I would love to meet my foster parents, for the simple, two things, firstly, well, the most important, one most important thing is to thank them, simple as that, because they didn't get thanked, they didn't realize how important, but that's the most, you

know, that there's a hugely important part of your life as a child, you know, the first, I suppose, five, six years of the child's life, but you know, that year between six months and a year and two years, that's a huge, huge time, and had I not been in foster care, had I been in a children's home at that time, admittedly, I don't think, because I did end up in a children's home, but through no fault of my foster parents, that was a separate thing, but it was just, I believe, and I don't talk about

this very often, and it could be a heavy subject, but I'm not talking about it in a heavy way, I'm talking about it in a loving way, generally, I'm talking from a kindness, that's the direction I'm coming from, so it's like, okay, I'm talking about foster care, and it's maybe not necessarily a happy subject, however, for millions of people, it really has been, you know, including the foster parents themselves, but foster parents, they might look after someone, look after a child or a couple of children, while the parents in hospital, or having treatment for something,

you know, or had to go away for a few months, a few, you know, but because of a mistake the parents made, but it's like, you know, I mean, I don't want to go too in depth into what could, there's so many different possibilities, but the foster parents are amazing, not all of them, obviously, there's going to be some, it's just like saying, it's like saying not every, not every person that collects your rubbish early in the morning, shouts very loudly to his colleagues, or her colleagues, it's like saying, you know, of course, not all

of them do it, so I can say, you know, not all of foster parents are great, but probably most are, just like not all dustmen, or dust collectors, or refuge collectors, that collect rubbish early in the morning, not all of them shout out loudly to each other, and maybe swear and moan about the weight of the bags, or about, you know, the dirt, or the smell, you know, whatever, not all of them do it, you see where I'm going with this, and reminds me, I'm going to, I think, the dustman here, my friend downstairs thinks

that they knocked on his door, you know, like purposely, so what I'm going to do is, I'm going to, I might set up my camera and film them when they come next, and see if they do do it, and if they do do it, I'm going down to talk to them, so yeah, that'll be interesting, I don't like that, because that's bullying, and yeah, you know, I guess they'll lose their job, well, never mind, let's hope it doesn't come to that, very loud, that went, that went deep, deep and dirty real quick, that one didn't

it, back to positivity, and it's a hard job, I know, collecting rubbish, but I did it, I've done it, I've done a lot of really, really hard jobs, and that is a hard job, it's a tough job, it's dirty, it's all weathers, it, you know, the only really bad weather to do, to be outside, putting rubbish into a, you know, doing that kind of work, is pretty much when it's raining, windy can be a little bit difficult, but it's the rain, and when it's icy on the ground, acid too, being cold doesn't really matter, you're

moving around, you're lifting stuff up, you know, you're not going to be that cold as long as you're wrapped up, your gloves on, you're generally not going to be cold, because you're busy, physically active, it's windy, well the fact is, if you're carrying heavy bags, you're pretty much stable on your feet, you're not going to get blown away, I wouldn't get blown away anyway, but you know, even if you're only really light, you're not going to get blown away if you've got heavy stuff in, you probably won't get blown away anyway really, to be realistic,

so wind's not really that much of an issue, it's not too windy of course, snow rarely happens here, so don't get a lot of snow in this country, where I live anyway, the ice, of course that can be a pain, so other than that, yeah, but it's smelly work, it really is, you might say, well what do you know about it, well actually I used to do agency work years ago, and I ended up doing every single grotty job you can imagine, dirty, cold, I just, I've had a lot, a lot, a lot of really

crappy jobs over the years, and the thing that made them crappy is, was not getting paid very much, now I didn't, I had no problems with cleaning a council estate, cleaning a big housing estate, which would involve emptying the bins every day, mopping the floors, all kinds of, even climbing into some of the bins to sort of loosen up the pipes, the, I forget what they're called, but some of the high-rise flats, or even the lower ones, would have these rubbish chutes, where you could just chuck stuff down, but they'd get blocked up, so sometimes

the person above would loosen it, and the stuff would just land on your head, which isn't perfect, it's not very safe either really, I guess, and I've cleaned lots of toilets, lots and lots and lots of toilets, which is among the grottiest jobs, especially if it's in a nightclub, I've cleaned toilets in offices, supermarkets, and nightclub, and where else have I cleaned toilets, never cleaned it here, but the nightclub was the worst, because you know, you just had 200 people the night before in this, but I did that for a while, so I've had some,

you know, I did some road sweeping as well, that was interesting, I felt very self-conscious, because I was a young man at the time, very young, I was what, I'm not that young, but I was 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 25, 25, I think I was 25, I might have been 27, I think I was 25, and I had this job cleaning, just doing the, it was down Myland, Myland Road, in, or was it Bethnal Green, anyways, East London, I was sweeping, and basically emptying the bins, as we went along, there's a truck with us,

and just basically, that's what we were doing, full pace, proper full on, and I thought I was seeing so many attractive women in my life, at a time when I didn't want to see one, I didn't want to see one woman see me like that, I just, I mean, the word's down on me, luck was not, it doesn't even touch it, I think that was one of the, one of those jobs where I had, where I didn't have any money for food, and I just turned up at the agency, and they said, oh yeah, there

you go, go and do that, but I just started singing, I made a song up while I was sweeping, and the song, the words, basically, the gist of the song was, I wish I'd gone to school, and actually took more notice when I was at school, so I didn't have to be doing this, so I guess I wasn't in the most positive state at the time, but smelly, really smelly, you can smell it though, can't you, you know, if you go, that's not really sleep inducing, is it, I guess, those dust trucks, those dustbin refuge

trucks, they smell really bad, but they're not, why would they smell of cherries and ice cream, you know, they wouldn't, would they, but my question is, why do they always smell the same, it can't be the exact same mixture of rubbish, the exact same ingredients, you know, the contents of each and every bin bag and whatever, it can't all be the same every single time in every part of the country, yet you stick your nose into anyone and they all smell exactly the same, now that's weird, dear Jason, are you really going to try and

get that man sacked, he's just doing his job, maybe he banged against the door by accident, I mean, are you really going to set up a camera and film him, you're nothing like the person I thought you were, I thought you were kind, considerate and compassionate, you're clearly none of those things, no, I'm not going to film it, but if I see it, I will do something about it, but my something about it will be going and speaking to the person directly, there won't be any phoning up anyone, I'll just tell him straight not to

do that and that'll be it, because that's wrong, I mean, you don't know how someone's doing something like that, if they're doing it, they think it's funny to disturb someone at 7 30 in the morning when they're asleep, you don't know who you're dealing with, do you, that could be an elderly person who's, or it could be someone that maybe listens to my recordings that hasn't had any sleep and they suddenly get a nice sleep and they're woken up by some idiot knocking on the door as they walk past thinking it's humorous, and it's probably

something that this person does a lot to different places, now what this person doesn't realise is what's behind that door, and my suggestion to the person is you don't want to know what's behind that door, that's all I'm saying, my advice would be just, I wouldn't do that mate, although the words I would use was don't do that, because I wouldn't want it done to me, I live upstairs so, you know, they can't make the excuse, I banged against your door by accident, you mean you walked all the way upstairs and managed to bang against

my door even though it's nowhere near your destination, yeah, okay fair enough, you do your trade a disservice, so yeah, I think this bullying doesn't fit with me, fit, sit, wit, bit, dit, I don't know, whatever you want to call it, so I'd like to say thank you to the foster parents, I would just like to go and, to be fair, I just like the idea of going and getting some free cake because in a situation like that, that's got to be cake time, isn't it, and kind of like, I kind of think, you know

what, even though it was 48 years ago since the last saw me, you know, they want to adopt me, they classed me as their son, they classed me as their son, and once you love a child in that way, loving a child as your child, as your son, don't you always have that love, it stays with you, doesn't it, so therefore, when I go around and visit, I've got two expectations, three, hopefully they'll be pleased to see me, secondly, that there'll be cake, and thirdly, that when I actually get into the house, there won't be

anywhere to sit because the house will be so full of presents, birthday and Christmas presents from the last 48 years that I've built up, that they've been waiting to give to me, that's what I'm hoping for, oh dear, it's just wrong, here's something I'll tell you before I go, I'm sure I had things to talk about but I forget what they were, but here's something I'm going to say at the end for those who are awake, you'll just, it might be, well, if you're asleep you're not going to hear it but I went to the

Wimpy bar, I went into town yesterday, Friday, the first time since March, I think it is, I wanted to go in, I just wanted to test myself to see if I could do it, I wanted to just walk down the street again, you know, to go somewhere different from here, just, you know, do it and I did it and I'm not going to pretend it was a pleasant experience but there wasn't many people about, but anyway, so I went to the Wimpy which sells burgers, one of my favourite places to go every now and then,

it's like a few times a year I go there, I really do McDonald's, this is just, it's a tradition of mine, the Wimpy, and sometimes I like to go and have a tea cake, a cup of tea, anyway, I went in there and before I went in there, I went into off-licence, not off-licence, it's a newsagent's and I got myself a milkshake, like out of the fridge because I thought I'll have that with a burger because it's a lot cheaper, plus it's got a lid so I can, you know, just prefer that and I like

the milkshakes, these stuff, I forget what they're called but they're nice, again, I don't have them very often, so I went and ordered a Corn Pounder with Cheese, a bloke said hello to me, I said hello, and so it's like everyone else, we wear masks on, you know, as you're going to everywhere, so I put it on, went to the newsagent's, put it on, went into the Wimpy and standing around and he said, do you want to eat in?

I said no, just a takeaway, because my plan really, that's what I did, I went into the park, sat down on a bench and had my milkshake on the right hand side of me, because I'm pretty sure the bench was concrete, no, it might be wooden, but I sat down and I really enjoyed that Corn Pounder with Cheese, I really did, it's lovely, and it's the first burger I've had since March, and out, you know, sort of out, oh, had a nice milkshake, it was a nice little mixture, and I thought I'm going to enjoy Puna out later, oh, it's going to be nice, and it's good, it's good to have things to look forward to.

So, what else did I do?

Yeah, I went into Sainsbury's on the way there as well, I actually went to Sainsbury's on the way back, got a little bit of food, went and got the bus, waited for about 40 minutes for the bus, and eventually, what's really good, like the buses are still cordoned off, so you can, only certain seats you're allowed to sit in, and none of them are together, so for me, it's kind of perfect, because I never like sitting next to someone anyway, so I think, I quite noticed that some women can sense that from me, that they

feel that I don't like sitting next to other people, because sometimes when I sit next to them, I can see them physically wince, and move closer to the window, you know, it's almost like trying to get out of the bus away from me, and I think it's just so considerate of them, you know, I've had a few people do try to actually get out of the window, but like, come on, it's okay, you know, I appreciate the gesture, but it's okay, you know, I need to get, I need to learn to get used to being

near people, and it's just, it's a gradual process, I mean, next time I could get on a bus, I'm going to wear trousers, and anyway, I'm in the Wimpy, so I'm in the Wimpy, I paid for it, yeah, I paid for the burger, I'm just waiting around, there was three people, I think, actually sitting in there, this was peak time, this was like lunchtime, three people, so I don't know how they're going to get through, and I said, oh, can I use your toilet, and the bloke who works there, he owns it, and he said,

first of all, he said, how are you doing, I said, all right, I'm not sure if you could, yeah, and I said, can I use your toilet, he said, yeah, so go in, by the way, had no hot water, no hot water in the toilet, not in the toilet, in the sink, the taps, no hot water at all, so I come out of there, right, and I say to you, there's a girl, and they're definitely quite young in there, I don't know if they're at school or not, I don't know, seriously, they look quite young,

might be at college, but one was doing a washing up, so I said, excuse me, I said, just to let you know, there's no hot water in the men's toilets, and just as I said that, the disabled toilets opened, and another young girl comes, well, she's also, a member of staff comes out of there, and I said to her, oh, is there any hot water in there, in that toilet, in any hot water in those taps, and she said, oh, I don't know, at that point, I was thinking, oh, I stopped myself from saying anything,

but what were you doing in there, if you didn't need to wash your hands afterwards, you know, serving food, so she might have just got in there, just to change into a uniform, that's possible, so she might not have even, personally, I think I'd still want to wash my hands after I'd been into a public toilet, but that might not be the case, she might have just gone in there and put a top on, put a t-shirt on, and that was it, and come back out, or maybe with the intention of leaving, and just washing

her hands in the, you know, the kitchen bit, I don't know, but she's like, have you got, she said, oh, I don't know, I'm like, oh, interesting, I said, well, can you let your boss know there's no hot water in the men's toilets, and she said, no one's ever complained, I said to you, I know, because men don't wash their hands normally, because we're dirty humans, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, and in the end, there was enough water, it took about three minutes for the hot water to come through, so I'm guessing that's never been

used either, it took so long, honestly, I can hear the whole building shaking, as the boy was like, what's going on, oh, no, we have to work, it's worrying, anyway, it's, I like the place, so I'm not going to moan, but it's, and the weirdest thing about it, though, I'm in the toilet, the men's toilet to start with, I'm doing a wee, okay, now, we've all got our own little routines, and it's something that I always do, when I, don't ask me why, when I'm standing over the toilet, doing a wee, I always like to,

kind of, it sounds a bit grim, I don't mean it grim, but it'll clear my throat, and flub it out, into the toilet, it sounds grim, but like, I spit into the toilet, it's something I've done since I was a kid, I don't know why I do it, but it's something I do, I don't, like, make lots of noise, like, I don't even like that, I just, to be honest, I didn't even know I did it, really, I didn't, I know I do it, but I didn't know it was so habitual, to the point of

not even being aware that I was doing it, I think it's just boredom, sometimes, waiting, like, oh, I might as well just, let's do that, just spit into the toilet, it's a bit weird, but anyway, so I'm doing this, I'm standing at the toilet, looking down, and there is something different this time, so I'm, you know, I'm doing a wee, urinating, same old stuff, of course, I can't see me, can't see any bellies in the way, so I just have to assume, it's a little bit of trial and error, really, just hope for the best,

aim and hope, aim and stand back, and hope that it, you know, reaches its target, and, but my head's going down, and I'm sort of trying to look and see, to see that it's, you know, hitting its target, that the wee's going inside the bowl, rather than within the sink or over the bin, and I realized that my, my gobby spit that I normally do has not actually landed in the toilet, instead, it's landed inside my mask that I was wearing, I couldn't believe it, honestly, this is totally true, this really happened, I spat inside

my mask, I, so I took it off, I had to rinse it, try and rinse it out, but without, it's the only mask I've got, so I didn't have anything else to wear, but I do want to get it soaking wet, but at the same time, it's like, I can't wear this now, I would, I wanted to chuck it out, for me, that was, that was like, it wasn't like, it wasn't like a used headband, but it was, it's kind of, it should have been put in the bin, it was like, no, one of those,

do not flush this, put it directly into the bin, kind of moments, but yeah, leave it for the cleaners to find, so things I used to find when I was a cleaner in a nightclub, where honestly, if I'd have actually, well, I didn't, but if I wanted to, I could have re-washed the clothing that I found inside the bins of those four different toilets, and open me on market stall selling clothing, seriously, like every single day, the day after, you know, from Wednesday, Wednesday night, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, so four nights in a row, I could,

plus coats, jackets, hats, umbrellas, bags, you name it, that was left behind, not necessarily in the toilet, and some people even forgot themselves, that's true, I went in there one night, and to close up, and some woman was asleep on the toilet, it was okay, well, I'm not sure where she was, but very drunk, very, very drunk, and it's like, blimey, and yeah, so that was, if there'd been anyone else around, that would have been very embarrassing for me, not the lady on the toilet, me, gobbing into the toilet, and it actually collecting inside my

mask, but I think on par was when I was trying to chat up a lady in the comedy club, and she was, I think she was waiting for her food, she'd met me, and she came in, and I was just chatting to her, I think I might have been doing a break time or something, and I was saying, I'm the DJ, you can come and see me at the end of the night, I can play a song, I can play, do you like Abba, do you like Wham!

, I can play, wake me up before you go, go, and anyway, I'm talking to her, I'm bending over, so I'm not actually, I might have been kneeling down a little bit, I'm chewing gum, and the chewing gum falls out of my mouth, onto the floor, right at her eye level, now I don't know what was more, I don't know, I don't know how, it was just embarrassing, because I was trying to, I'm not, I wasn't, I didn't think that chewing gum would make me impressive, but I thought at least it'd take the edge off

the stinky breath, so I thought, yeah, at least I actually think that I smell okay, but to do that, apparently, at the end of the night, apparently, she didn't come, she didn't come and ask for a song, and as she was leaving, I said, oh, you're right, I said, no, she didn't come and ask for a song, was it me dropping the chewing gum on the floor that put you off coming to speak to me, because you know, I would have, I would have still played this song, you know, and she said, no, it wasn't

that, it was when you picked it up and put it back in your mouth, and continued chewing, didn't really enjoy my dinner after that, so, okay, I just, very judgy, very judgy, anyway, I'm going to go, thank you very much for listening, remember, remember to be kind to yourself, because you deserve to be happy, do something nice for yourself, doesn't have to cost money, it can be, only you know what, what being kind to yourself means, and maybe there's ways, new ways that you can discover to do so, it's definitely worth looking into, find different

ways you can be kind to yourself, so take care and lots of love, bye.