#476 Let me bore you to sleep

Hello and welcome to jasonnewland.com. My name is Jason Newland. This is Let Me Bore You To Sleep. Please only listen when you can safely close your eyes.

Because this recording which is supposed to bore you to sleep may cause drowsiness. And it's hard to say that without laughing really. But yeah, hello everybody.

So this is, yeah, Let Me Bore You To Sleep. My name's Jason. I don't know what else to say.

Yeah, hello, hello, hello everybody. How you doing? Are you well? Is you, is you well? So I want to do a shout out to Lilith. I want to send my love to Lilith who's been going through a difficult period.

So, you know, just sending love, virtual hugs to you and I hope that you start to feel better very nice soon. And I'm sure I had another message. And I want to send my love to Bethany as well, who's also been going through a difficult period.

So yeah, sending love to you too. So Bethany said something, she was on a Facebook page, and she did some artwork. And it's like, it's basically the first creative project I've done in four months.

And I've been thinking about kind of maybe doing something myself, creative. You may say, well, but Jojo, you are creative, when you make these recordings. But here's an idea I've had.

Here's an idea I had. And here's an idea is I am thinking, just at this stage thinking, you know, I don't, you know, I don't like to think happens occasionally by accident, I had the occasional accident on the fort. And I'm thinking of learning to play the ukulele.

And somebody might say, yeah, but you've got to get a ukulele. I've got a ukulele. I actually bought a ukulele.

It might even be two years ago. I've had it for ages. It's still in the box.

I got it, I think I've got it out three times, just to look at it, and put it back in the box. It was only a cheap thing. I think it cost about 60 pounds, maybe 40 pounds, 50.

You know, it wasn't, it's a very cheap thing. But it's, it's good enough to sort of learn to play the ukulele on. So it wasn't the cheapest one I could have got.

But it was, it was okay. And I just, I'll tell you how influenced I am. I was watching Carpool with Billie Eilish, or Eilish, who's in there with, what's his name? He does the Carpool videos on YouTube.

And I like Billie Eilish. I like her album. She's got, she's got a lovely voice.

And, you know, just, just a fan of hers. And she started playing the ukulele. And that's how she started writing songs.

And I was thinking, ah, maybe that is a way for me to get back to writing songs again. Because I used to write songs, but without music, it's like write the lyrics and sing them and stuff. But, you know, going back to when I was eight, I started doing that.

But I never accompanied myself with a musical instrument. Really, and I did a little bit of when I tried to learn to play guitar. But the songs I wrote didn't really go together with the musical instruments that I actually played when I was a kid.

Bless you, Andre. And thank you for sharing that sneeze with me. See, I played the glocking spill.

And that's not something we can really sing to sing with. I played the drums when I was in the Sea Cadets. Couldn't sing with that.

I played the violin at school. Learned to play the violin when I was about 10, nine or 10. You can't sing really well.

Maybe you can, but I never kind of really can't imagine it, but I suppose it's possible. And I played the bugle. Another instrument, I mean, literally you're using your mouth, so you can't sing at the same time as playing the bugle.

Like physically impossible, because you're using your tongue to play the bugle. That's what it is all about. Tongue action.

You're basically spitting, kind of like tongue, like that. And I was pretty good at the bugle, actually. I think out of all the instruments, I found the drums the grooviest.

There was something, and it wasn't like I wasn't on a big set of drums. It was just a big drum in front of me, attached to my body, and I'd be marching. I'd be... Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do that kind of stuff.

I'm always in the hallway with his tube playing. And he...

okay so i might have sung along to it but no one could hear it you know i found it quite cool to be a drummer i don't know why it is something like i quite liked the beat quite liked it but i i'm not sure why i gave it up and i'm not sure if i did because i basically when i was in the sequence i did three different instruments so i was in the band pretty much the whole time i don't know which was first the bugle or the drum the fifa i don't even

know because i also did the glocking spill you know glocking spill was the hardest one out of all of them because for me i mean some people would probably possibly find it easier but you have to well first of all you have to hit the right note and second of all i think i was the only one with a glocking spill so you could hear if i messed up although there might be another person with the bugle there is a few people playing the bugle the drums there was a few people putting drums so you

kind of get away with not doing it properly or not doing it at all even yeah sometimes i would just walk march down the street and pretend to play the bugle and if that's all i was doing i was just holding it up to my mouth and i did one of their sort of main tunes.

There are other tunes as well, I forget, but Witte Bugel is all you've got to know is the tune in your head and you adapt your tongue to play it.

So unlike the trumpet, you know, when you're pressing down on buttons and none of that, it's just, it literally is just your mouth playing the tune. You kind of go down with some breath. And I don't want to own a bugle, but I'd like to play a bugle.

I'd like to see if I could still do it. Just, it's not so much the breath part, because I mean, you know, my lung capacity will be a lot less than what it was when I was, you know, 12 years old, of course it was supposed to be. But I'd like to know if I could still manipulate the sounds.

If I still, if that muscle memory has stayed in my tongue. I don't know why that's funny. My mind is going into a different direction.

But I wonder if my tongue can still do the things it used to be able to do. Because that's what a bugle is all about. The tongue movement.

And I guess it's the same as talking, isn't it? Because the way we talk, if you actually kind of notice your tongue talking, as I am now, and I start to realize that tongue's moving around all the time, different places. And, you know, there's the throat, and you know, there's a lot going on with speech. Yeah.

So the ukulele, I did, I've had a couple of keyboards in the past. I've had probably about four or five guitars over the years. But I never, I only once really got into the guitar back in 1997.

I bought a guitar, that's when I was a security guard. And I bought a really nice guitar. It was like £250.

Back then it was quite a lot of money. It was really, it was wooden, it was acoustic. But it really sounded good.

And that motivated me, because just by creating the correct chords, it sounded nice. Which motivated me to learn the chords properly and to do it, and to do it properly. And the thing is, with guitars, it just hurts your fingers.

It hurts my fingers, my little, little fingers, my fingertips. And I know that you get calluses after a while, but I like having soft fingers. Might sound like a strange thing, but I've got soft hands.

And when I was younger, I probably didn't have soft hands, because I'd be in a garden digging, unfortunately. And then when I left school, I had a lot of physical jobs. So my hands, mind you, I was working in kitchens and catering, so my hands were probably quite soft because I was washing up stuff.

So I had my hand in water fairly often. And then when I reached my 20s, I was doing quite a lot of very physical work. But just thinking about it, I did wear gloves a lot of the time, which would have protected my hands.

So the fact I've got soft hands isn't because I never did anything physical. It's just when I did the physical stuff, I wore gloves. And when I was a kitchen porter, I'd wear gloves, because the water was too hot to be just... If you're washing up all day, you have to wear gloves, otherwise you end up with no hands, your hands just shrink, which is good in some ways, but not good for everything.

And I suppose unless you're running for president, tiny little hands, I don't know if that's true. So I've got soft hands. I quite like having soft hands because, see, if I stroked your face, I'm not going to stroke your face, don't mind, I'm just saying, if you had your eyes closed, you might not even know that it's a man doing it.

I've got a very... I'm quite gentle as well. I don't... You know when people shake hands and they try and squeeze your hand and almost you can feel the testosterone squirting out of their ears, trying to be all macho? I don't do that because I've got nothing to prove. And I know some people are just strong.

I haven't really got strong hands. I haven't... I've got... I'd say I'm average. I haven't got a weak hand, I haven't got a strong... I'm just doing standard hands, really.

There's no reason to write a poem about my hands, that's what I mean, is they're just like... they're not extraordinary or extraordinary. And I've got quite soft hands, and I quite like that. But I don't try and... you know, when I was 18 and I worked in a pub, and the manager of the hotel that I worked in, absolutely... not the nicest person I've ever met.

And I went to his office and he was... there's something that's very odd about him. And he was talking to me, talking down to me, telling me how rude he was and all that stuff. And he shook my hand and he held it.

And he was trying to crush my hand. Like, you really, like, try... I don't know what he was trying to prove, dominance or something like that. And it's easy to get out of someone's hand, you know, someone's got you by the hand, it's easy to break loose, just like someone grabs hold of your wrist.

It's very easy to get out of. So I just got out of it. And ran away screaming.

And I thought, how ridiculous, he was acting all tough. I was 18, a skinny little thing, 18. I wasn't a threat to no one, I was just... you know, the reason I took the job is because I thought I might meet someone, might make some new friends, maybe meet a girl, you know, have a life.

That's what I was kind of hoping, it didn't work out. And then there was this one time, this job, man, seriously, it's one of the worst jobs I ever had. And I've had lots of jobs.

And a lot of them have been really pretty awful. Some of them have been okay, but some of them, especially like in my earlier life, you know, when I left school. And this bloke, he's given it a big'un, given it like, oh, I'm tough and all this stuff, yeah.

And then on Christmas Day, I go in there to work. There's no staff except me. I open up.

People, customers come in. And because it's just me there on my own, they're already drunk when they come in. They said, oh, we're going to help ourself.

I said, no, you're not. And they just started leaning over to the counter, just helping themselves to lager and stuff. So I phoned them.

I phoned them at the manager's office, telling them what's happening. I said, you need to call the police and can you come out and help? He refused to come out of his office. He hid.

He hid. And in the end, I called the police. He hid, this big Metro man.

Try and squeeze the life out of an 18 year old teenager's hand. Shame on him. Shame, shame, shame.

The weird thing is he knew my dad. I should have told my dad. I should have told my dad about him.

Anyway, horrible job. Drunk. It was like the diviest pub in the town.

It was the worst pub. The pub where people wanted trouble wins to go to. That was, I don't know if you know what I mean.

There's always, it's usually one place, one bar or pub where all the dregs go to, where they just really, I don't know how to explain it, but there wasn't many nice people there. They weren't, it's almost like they didn't go in to just have a laugh and have fun. They went in there for trouble.

And there was trouble, constantly. It was ridiculous. Really, really silly it was.

And it really put me off pubs. Because I don't see the point in there. I was like, what's the point in there? I remember myself saying to myself, I remember answering myself, I don't know.

I don't see the point. So in the end I left. They said, was it Christmas Eve? No, it was New Year's Eve.

So I worked Christmas Eve, Christmas, Boxing Day, every day up to New Year's Eve. And I had to work Christmas Day. That was just, they didn't, back in the day, you didn't have any employee rights.

You just did what you were told, otherwise you'd just get sacked. Didn't have to give a reason. You know, there was no, not in this country anyway.

There was, they could do anything they wanted for you, pretty much. Can't do that now, but they probably do do that still, some places. And so I worked New Year's Eve, worked all those days in a row, just because they asked me, what told me I had to, but you know, it's okay, I'll do it.

My Christmas dinner was going to be my Nan and Grandad's on New Year's Day. So, you know, I was going to go around there. I think my Dad was going to be there, you know, that's just something I was looking forward to.

New Year's Eve, at the end of the shift, the manager said, the tour was short. You're going to have to come in tomorrow for training, extra training. I said, no, I'm not working tomorrow.

I've got dinner, it's New Year's Day, I've got dinner at my Nan's. And he said, if you don't turn up tomorrow, don't come back. So I didn't go back.

And then I find out that he's telling people that I stole, that I got sacked for stealing from a tittle. Another thing that you wouldn't get away with today, I could have took them to court and everything. But then, even now, what 18 year old would take a company to court? That takes money.

And even if, even if it was free, you know, even if I could get legal counsel for free, which I possibly could, I don't know. I wouldn't want that hassle as an 18 year old. I want the hassle now.

So they got away with it. And the ironic thing about it is, I was 18, so I was 18 then, I ended up living in a house with some of the customers, some of the regular customers that went in there. And I think some of those are the ones that would help themselves to lager on the Christmas day.

Because they're the ones that actually told me, told me that the manager was telling me that I got sacked for stealing, because I saw them in the street like a few days later. And the reason I respected what they said to me, to be truthful, and also the fact is a man and a woman used to come in, plus a couple of other people that also lived with them, that offered me a room. They wouldn't offer someone a room if you thought that was a thief.

So they believed me when I said that I didn't do it. So I kind of, I like that. I like the fact that they trusted me.

So I ended up living there. It nearly got weird because I was in there talking to both the man and the woman who looked at my landlords. And the two little kids came up and said, oh, that's a man that was talking to us in the, in the park, came and talked to us and this woman was at the swings.

And I looked at them like, what? And they started laughing and saying, not really. So, wow, wow. I mean, they were literally like four or five, something like that, five or six years old.

That was a weird one. That was a, oh, they got told off. So I was thinking, I don't remember them.

So I moved in there and it was a weird, it was not a weird setup. It was a nice setup. In the sense of it's really chilled out.

It was the most relaxed place I'd ever lived because everyone there was drunk, well not drunk, but they were all going to the pub and, you know, all like builders and things like that. So the landlord was a builder. His wife, I don't know if she worked, but she looked after her children.

Had three children. One was about 16, a little girl who I got on really well with. And then there is two other men, both of them who were also builders and they were, I think they all worked together and they were, I got on really well with the younger one.

The taller one was a bit, a bit of an arsey to me for some reason. But I got on well with the other one. We used to hang out a little bit.

And then their youngest, the daughter, the 16 year old, her friend came round and I started dating her friend. So it was like suddenly I had so much freedom, but I didn't have a television. I could have bought a television to be fair.

I was doing the, I was doing double glazing, canvassing at that time. The rent was probably, I don't know, £35 a week, something like that. And I was getting paid anything up to £150 a week, £120, £150, sometimes £170 a week, with the bonuses and stuff.

So I had, you know, I was eating out. I didn't ever cook. I ate out every day.

Went to a restaurant every day for lunch. It was more of a cafe really, but I'd have like a cooked dinner. And I knew the bloke before he opened the place up.

I think he used to be a taxi driver. And I said to him, you've got to, if you open the place up, I'll come. Where is it? And he said, oh, well, you can open it.

So it's a very small place. But I went in there every day for months. And then in the evening, I'd just get a pizza or a kebab or, you know, sort of takeaway kind of thing.

And back then, I was skinny, so slim, I could eat anything. And I literally, if you looked at my tummy, I was like a snake after I'd eaten. You know, it was like you could see the lump in my tummy when I'd eaten.

I don't know if that's true. I was very, very, very, very, very skinny. So my metabolism was so fast.

And I was also drinking as well, but not a lot. So again, those were the days, but things were different back then. And it might have been because I lived in a little town.

I don't know. I used to be able to go and just buy one can of lager. I know there probably are still places you can do that, especially if you're like regular and that.

But this was just like standard anyway, just go buy one can of lager for 50 pence or something. So I used to do that. I used to just have maybe one or two cans of lager in the evening, have a pizza after work.

Because I was on the top landing, the floor. It's a big house. There was me and one other person at the top.

Maybe there was three of us at the top. Maybe, yeah, I don't know. There was at least two or three at the top.

Well, bearing in mind, I mean, just how many people lived there. So there was me. There was a tall bloke.

There was the other bloke that was probably my height, maybe a bit taller, that I got really well with. He was older than me, but not much. He was probably 19, 20.

And then there was the oldest daughter, 16. There was two little girls, but they might have been in the same room. And then there was the parents.

So there must have been at least six bedrooms, unless all three girls lived together. But I don't remember. I never went in anyone else's bedroom but mine, so I don't know.

But it must have been, I reckon, at least six bedrooms, plus a bathroom. There was a living room and a big kitchen. I'm sure there was a garden, but I don't remember it going out in it.

And it was near the seafront, so it was a nice house. It'd be worth quite a bit of money now, I reckon. It was kind of similar, really, to the house that I grew up in from the age of like nine to 15.

It was that kind of size house, because that house had three, four, five, six, seven bedrooms. That was three stories. But I would say this... I didn't see the other bedrooms, did I? No, so I can't judge that size of rooms.

But for the first time, I think, up to that point, I was the freest I've been. Because as long as I paid the rent, my land wouldn't let it land. Like, whatever, they didn't care.

They were not interested in what I did. And if it had been any other pub, I probably would have gone drinking with them, because I got on well with them. I kind of got on... I liked them, they seemed to like me.

But it was in that pub, the one that I left, where the manager said that I'd stolen, so I couldn't go back there. I wouldn't refuse to go back inside that place, having been mistreated. But they loved it in there.

It was like that was their local, and it literally was around the corner from where they lived. And the 16-year-old girl, she really, really liked the other bloke that lived there, like the 19-year-old or 20-year-old. I think she was in love with him.

But I don't know if anything ever happened between them or if they got together, because I wasn't there long enough. But she really had a thing for him. I think she really kind of besotted with him.

But I think it's one of those situations, you know, if your friend and your landlord and your boss, it's his daughter, it's kind of possibly a no-no area. But in a weird way, though, if you're living with someone, and they work for you or with you, and you go drinking with them, and they're one of your best friends, that's something you kind of care about, isn't it? And who better to be with, to look after your son or daughter than someone that you already know, and you know they're like a good person, that they'd look after her or him. But not everyone sees it like that, I guess.

That's why I wish I'd had sisters when I was young. You know, younger sisters, ideally a couple of years younger than me or a year younger than me, maybe a year older than me, just so I could have been around girls. But I wasn't.

I had three brothers. Never saw a girl, hardly at all, outside of school. Ridiculous.

If I'd have had sisters, the house would have been full of girls. And I'd have made, at least made friendships, you know, with her friends, perhaps, you know, hopefully. And I'd have had more confidence around women, around girls, because confidence around girls turns into being confidence around women.

But I never saw girls at school. So, you know, I don't even remember any of my brothers ever bringing home girlfriends. They possibly did, but I just don't remember it.

Really don't. And it's guaranteed that we'd have had girlfriends, I just don't remember ever seeing any of them. The only girlfriends I've ever seen is my little brother's girlfriends, over the years, you know, since he was sort of late teenager onwards.

And even then, there's only been a few I've seen. Yeah, I might have scared one of them away. It's just like joking around, but I don't think she took it as jokes.

Talking about him, wanting babies and getting married and stuff. I think I scared her off. That might not have happened, I can't remember.

I didn't. I shaved my head. I'm not sure if I mentioned this, I don't know if I did a recording.

I think I did a recording yesterday, but I did it early in the morning. And I heard something, someone shout out something that was like a horrible name. And I thought, well, it's not me they're referring to.

So I thought, I'm going to shave my beard off. It's not the only reason, but I just... The night before, or the day before, I think it was Saturday. Yeah, Saturday, I walked out to the shop with my friend.

And I was talking to a lady. And she had to get back into her car because she forgot her mask. She saw me walk out of the shop with a mask on, a face covering mask thing, surgical thing.

And then I was wearing a scalpel, wearing a scalpel. And I started talking to her. I said, oh, yes, you forget your mask.

And she said, so what do you? I said, I'm just asking. She said, no, leave me alone. Can't have a break.

Do I have to be hit on everywhere I go? So I'm not hitting on you, I'm just... She said, you're hitting on me. I could tell. I said, no, I'm not.

She said, why are you dribbling then? So I'm not dribbling. How can you see? I'm wearing a mask. She said, I'm guessing, which is a hue.

Look at the puddle on the floor. So that's not dribbling. None of that happened.

She was nice. I said, yeah, it's easy to forget, isn't it? I said, yeah. And then my friend is across the road and he's getting a lift in a van, so distracts me.

And then she walks into the thing. It's not that I wanted to marry her or anything like that. It wasn't that.

It's just for that brief moment, I forgot what I looked like. And I get home, it just felt quite nice just to talk to a female human, a female human, because I don't have much contact really with people. And so it was just, it felt quite nice.

You know, I know it was brief, but it was quite nice. And I get home and look in the mirror and I just, there's me looking like a scarecrow. I was like, oh.

I mean, the benefit of my hair, the benefit of my hair was made me look a little bit taller because it was hair in it. It's higher than being bald. But the beard, I mean, basically, my phone got fribbed up.

Because it's Monday now. I phoned him up yesterday, probably about 11. I said, are you awake? He said, but yeah, I just answered the phone.

I said, yeah, I know, but you're not in bed or anything. He said, what? I said, no, just checking if you're awake. He said, yeah, of course I'm awake.

So this isn't going well. I said, can you do us a favour? He said, what? I said, can you cut my hair? He said, all right. I said, can you do it now? So he said, all right.

So I come down, so I did. We managed to have a cup of coffee and he just used the clippers, you know, the shaver thing and just shaved my head. Didn't take more than about five minutes, maybe 10 minutes, but you know, it was easy.

It was no blood trimming or anything, just shaved it all off. And then he shaved the beard off. And then he gave me another shaver thing just to kind of tidy it up, you know.

But he just, he didn't do, he just, he kind of did the main bits, but he didn't do it close. And I just tidied it up and I came upstairs and I tied it up a little bit. More even.

And now I look awful, but in a different way, a different kind of horrible. I look like a peanut. It's just, I look like a peanut with a freckle.

I mean, I just don't know. It doesn't seem to be, I'll tell you what was weird though. It doesn't seem to be what? I don't know.

I said to my friend, can you see my bald patch on my head? He said, yep. It's no, no, like, oh, it's not that bald. It's just a little, no, it's not.

Yep. That's good. So I'm thinning on top.

I'm receding at the front, although it doesn't seem to be really moving. There's not much movement there. But the major thing is when all the hair was together on the floor, there was a lot of it.

The hair for my head was still majority of it is still dark brown with gray clusters, but still mainly dark brown. And the hair's a different quality because it actually looked, the beard was just frizzly and frazzly and gray. Gray and ginger, pretty much.

And brown. And a few little blue bits, which I didn't quite understand. Almost like they'd been dyed with some, I don't know, juicy fruit.

But I don't know, I was going somewhere where that didn't work. Rewind. Fruit pesto, as I said, and blue ones.

And I'm just like, really just, ah, just seeing it on the floor. Admittedly, it possibly looked better on the face than it did on the floor. I don't know.

But seeing it, just all that gray. But then what am I supposed to do? I could dye it. I could dye it black or brown.

But anyone that dyes their hair, generally people know they've dyed their hair. I mean men. Especially if I turned up, if I just dyed my beard black, anyone I know would know that it was gray before.

Or there was quite a bit of gray in there. And the people I know are not going to keep quiet about it. They're just going to laugh at me.

I remember what someone said to me, do you dye your hair? I said, what? He said, well, you know, you're in your 40s and, you know, you, you sure you don't dye your hair brown? I said, why would I dye my hair, but then just leave a bunch of gray hairs in there? Why would I just miss out, leave, you know, 5%, maybe 4% gray, and leave the rest, dye the rest? He said, oh, I don't know. I said, you wouldn't, would you? I'd dye the whole thing. That's the whole point, isn't it? I wouldn't just dye the hair that wasn't gray.

I'd be dyeing the hair that was gray. Anyway, I've never dyed my hair. Not for that reason.

I dyed my hair brown when I was about 14. And I had my hair bleached in a salon or hairdressers when I was 16, 17, or 18. No, 17, maybe 18.

Because I wanted to be, well, I kept asking people, when will I, will I be famous? Because I wanted to be like Bross. So I bleached my hair and pierced both my ears all at the same time, well, same day. And my forehead was bleached, my ears were burnt, my ears were burnt.

And I'd had a haircut as well. So I'd had a haircut to make myself look like Bross, what Bross's hairstyle, and then had my hair bleached. And I looked awful.

But I didn't, I wish I had a picture. I wish, I wish, I wish I had a picture. Oh, no, this would have been 1989, I'd say.

1989. The reason I remember this is because in 1989, probably July time, I went to France on holiday, wasn't supposed to, but I ended up going there for about a week. And just prior to that, I'd shaved my head to a crew cut.

Because I wanted to wait, I needed to wait until my hair was grown out just a little bit so I could get rid of the blonde, the bleached. And I did. So I shaved my head in the summer of 89, 1989.

Went on holiday to France, or wasn't really a holiday, it was more of a hike, hiking around France, the Alps, via Paris and some other places. It should have been 1989 that I bleached my hair. I looked really bad.

Really bad. I mean, really, really, really didn't suit me. And I don't think, I'm not sure, for maybe only time, I think I looked quite good.

No, I liked it when I had long hair. And some people liked it, some people didn't, some people did. I had a girlfriend that loved my long hair.

When I had it cut off, she wasn't happy. The first thing she said, why is the barber in my bed? I was cutting my hair. That was weird.

I'm quite worried about it. And she wasn't happy. She said, you're only into me because of my long hair.

She said, what else have you got? I was like, what? But when I did have my hair cut, I looked quite good. I felt quite good because for the first time, because this was 1994 in the summer, it was the first time I'd had short hair since 1991. So I had long hair, or I started growing my hair, I think in around February, March 91.

So for three and a half years, I had, other than just to have the ends trimmed, you know, the split ends trimmed, I didn't have a haircut, like a proper haircut or anything, or short hair for three, three and a half years. And because my hair grows quite quickly, even now, back then. Do you know those dolls you can get? And they have like putty inside, and you can just squeeze the head and the hair just comes out.

That was how quickly my hair would grow, except it wasn't putty. So it grew quite quick. I know that I was able to have my hair into a ponytail, very small ponytail, within about, by the summer of 91.

So the front of my hair was long enough to fit into a ponytail. And it's quite high up on my, you know, it wasn't on top of my head, like a little chimney. It was, it wasn't right all the way down, you know, it was sort of the back of my head, but it's just long enough to put it into a ponytail.

And then once it was in a ponytail, you know, just continue to grow. And I liked having long hair, in some ways. However, yeah, I didn't have much success with women when I had long hair, apart from the girlfriend I had in the end of 93.

I had a very, I had a real drought, real kind of non, non, when I was kind of in my prime, really, physically, in a sense, I was what, 20, 20 years old. I had a girlfriend when I was 20. And I was starting to grow my hair.

And I think it was just a ponytail length when we broke up, broke up in probably August, no, July of that year, 91. 92, I don't think I even had a girlfriend. And then 93, I didn't have a girlfriend all the way until the end of the year.

So maybe, and it's weird, because I was out doing gigs in clubs all through that period. And I didn't really, unless I did, oh, you know, there was one other in 91. And she was, oh, I can't remember.

She was a waitress that worked in a comedy club. And I dated her, but just once. I sent her flowers and stuff the next day or the next weekend.

And I got paid, but she, you know, I went around and she didn't, didn't want to marry me for some reason. 93, 93, that was just, I think all I did was just work and do gigs, that was it. And unless there was someone, 93, you know, I did meet someone at the, I did this competition at a theater.

And I did a, I had this joke I used to tell. And basically this lady came up to me. I used to call, I used to say girls, because I was, I still classed myself as a boy really back then.

I was still, wow, only 22. But you know, technically I was a man, not mentally, but, and she said, oh, is it really that big or something? I don't know, it was to do with a joke I told her. I said no.

I ended up going back to her place and singing to her, funny enough. I was singing a, singing a Buddy Holly song, No True Love Ways. I remember we were lying down behind the sofa on the floor for some reason.

And I was looking up at her and, just you know why, why are you letting die? I remember looking at her, looking at me and saying, what are you doing? I said, I'm singing to you. She said, why? I said, I'm not sure. No, she did, she loved that.

She, she asked me, asked me to sing that song. Big Buddy Holly, Big Buddy Holly fan. Mike Juergen, she was 70.

So she probably remember Buddy Holly when he was around, in the 50s. Just you know why. Oh, I don't know why we were behind the settee.

She fell over and was waiting for the ambulance. So I thought I'd sing to her. Can you imagine that? Singing to someone with the way, you know, they just like broke their hip and away for an ambulance.

Someone starts singing you a Buddy Holly song, like just, leave me alone. Yeah. So I, that was it, man.

That was it. It, it, it, it. And so I'm not sure about the ukulele.

I'm really thinking about doing it. Genuinely thinking about it. And I just know that it's going to take a little bit of learning, a bit of patience.

I'd like to write some songs. I'd like to get to, I think it might be good for my, be good for me emotionally to express myself and to be creative. And, and then, you know, I can stick them on a podcast or something, at least.

It's nice to know that I have an audience, even if people only listen once and think, I'll get a few people listening, which is kind of cool. You know, it's just like for a writer book. I know that I'm going to get people downloading the book.

Maybe just out of like intrigue. So it's nice to have like a, an audience there already. I want to say download the book, I don't even pay for it.

I don't know how many people would want to pay, but I'm thinking of just writing a book and sticking on Amazon for free. I've got a little urge, a little scratch that needs itching. So I kind of, we'll see.

Anyway, it brings me to the end of this recording. I have to go to the garage now before it closes. So thank you for listening.

Remember to be kind to yourself because you deserve to be happy. That's enough. Bye.