#466 Let me bore you to sleep

Hello and welcome to jasonnewland.com. My name's Jason Newland and this is Let Me Boy to sleep. Please unlisten, you can safely close your eyes. And if you would like to support the running costs of this free service that I provide, please go to jasonmuland.me forward slash, no, no, paypal.me forward slash jasonmuland or just go to the website and click on the link at the top of the page where it says paypal or, you know, the banner at the top of the website.

Or would be very gratefully received. Help me buy some flea powder I think. Can't believe it.

After yesterday, well by yesterday last week, I had a, my friend called me up because he was just up here. And he said, just been bitten by a flea. And I just come back from the fields of one day been walking for an hour.

So about eight o'clock, nine o'clock. And he said, better check in. Because Andre was buying his ankles when he was up here.

Like he does. So I check in can't find nothing. He said not me.

The ferret check Andre. Sorry, put me down. And so I check Andre.

Nothing. Can't see anything. He's there.

Like there's nothing there wasn't like air. Oh, where's Andre gone? He's disappeared. I'm checking the, you know, his fur for fleas.

Lovely word, isn't it? Fleas. Nothing. I put a comb through him, like a flea comb.

It's not made of fleas. It's a comb, but it's one of the like fine bristled things. A bit like what you'd use for knits if you had a child.

Which is exactly the same to be fair. I had knits when I was a kid. I don't think there's any kids in the world that don't have knits at some point.

And, but they might be. I don't have knits. I'm clean.

Having knits has got nothing to do with being dirty. Yeah, it's just knits. They just, it's to do with.

Don't get me started. You make me so angry sometimes. Knits didn't like knits.

But I had three brothers. So it was inevitable. It's inevitable that we were going to get knits, like one of us from the other.

So we all ended up. I think my, I think my dad said, my step mum got this shampoo stuff. And my dad said, stuff that.

And he just shaved her head. Which was annoying. I don't look good with a bald head.

Even though I do choose to bald myself sometimes. I don't look good with hair or without. It's a shame.

Wish there was like an intermediate, you know, somewhere between having hair and not having hair. Somewhere between, I don't know. I've tried every single look and I look ridiculous whatever.

In every way. Whether I had my hair styled, I've had my hair permed. I've had my hair long, really long.

Down to the back and middle of my back. Lower back even. It's really long.

I've had my hair shaved, completely bald. I've had beards. I've had no beard.

I've had big flappy beards. Like I've got now. I've had my head bleached.

And my scalp and part of my eyebrows and my ears because it wasn't a very good job done. I actually dyed my hair light brown when I was at school. Probably the last year of school.

And that was partly because my oldest brother, he was quite experimental with stuff like that. So I wanted to be like him. But he was about six foot two and I was five foot eight.

So I was never gonna kind of reach his, be anything like him. I went up to about his shoulders, I think, in height. That's not the point.

I don't care. I do. I'd like to be six foot nine.

That's what I'd like to be. I think if I was six foot nine and still the same weight, I'd still probably be overweight. That's ridiculous, isn't it? Anyway, I, in some ways, I, if, oh that's weird, a weird noise came out when I wasn't even saying anything.

Like that. Maybe I've got another voice box. I've got two voice boxes.

Wow. I, I would say that I was more embarrassed when I was skinny than I am being this way. I was.

I didn't like being slim. I know a lot of people would just give anything to be slim. Like, wow, I'd love to be slim.

Well, I was slim for the first, really pretty much 30 years of my life. Although I put weight on, I was still slim. You know what I mean? Even when I put weight on in my later, my late twenties.

And, you know, going to the gym, I had muscles and stuff, but I was still at a slim waist. I wasn't, didn't really have much. I still had fairly, you know, slim waist, but the rest of it was a bit bigger.

So I didn't weigh that much. I don't think I really, yeah, I didn't weigh much. I think I really put weight on when I was a security guard because I was sitting on my bum all the time, pretty much.

So I did put weight on when I did that job. So I went up to about, I don't know, I probably put a cup of stone on, maybe stone. But it's only when I hit 30 that I just put a lot more weight on.

And, hmm, I wouldn't want to be skinny. If it was a choice, yeah, lose some weight, have a slimmer stomach. But if it was this weight, or being the way I used to be when I was in my early twenties, I'd choose this weight.

Even though way more, way less healthy, I don't want to be skinny. I didn't like it. I was embarrassed.

I would never take my top off, wouldn't go swimming, really. And I guess I had a bit of maybe body dysmorphia or something. I really had an issue with my body.

And I was just muscle, you know, it's just like any other. Most people are that age, you know, you just, I was working physically. And I wasn't like muscly muscle, but it was just muscle.

There was no fat. My fat ratio would be about 2% or something stupid like that. My muscle, my muscle ratio is about 2%.

And whenever I was with a girl or a woman, you know, when I was in my twenties, but one of them said, you're too skinny. Because they could see that I was slim, you know, I didn't, I used to wear bigger clothes to kind of hide it a little bit. But not enough that you could see from my face, got a very thin face.

Although I've got quite a big head, but you know, you could see that I was very, very slim. I had one girlfriend and she wanted to, she was a lot, lot bigger than me. And we made a deal.

I think she wanted to give some of her weight to me. So she wanted to fatten me up and lose a little bit of weight for herself. And I said to her, you don't change a thing.

I will try and put some weight on myself. Because she was perfect as she was. I tried everything.

I really tried everything to put weight on. And I think the secret is doing nothing, eating crap food and watching telly all day. That's the secret to putting weight on, but it's not healthy weight.

When I was younger, I used to take protein shakes, I'd go to the gym. I do everything except illegal steroids, you know, I'd try all the different supplements. Alfalfa and kelp mixed together are supposed to give you the same effect as kind of a steroid.

You know, I used to read diet books when I was like 15, 16, bodybuilding books. Seriously, I was proper into it. And you wouldn't think it now, not just not to look at me, but to look at the food I ate.

Because I knew what to eat. I studied this. I knew all the foods, the quantities, the regularity of eating, what to eat, what not to eat, exercising, what days to do what, different muscle groups, all that stuff.

And now I just sit at home drinking coke and eating cokes. Well, that was the secret of putting weight on. Watching television and eating rubbish.

If only I'd known. I think, I mean, I clearly must have had a really, really high metabolism bullet in my limbs when I was young. But I think it's because I didn't eat much, really.

I was, I was training, especially the last year of school. I was, I wasn't eating enough to sustain my training. And then when I was 15, 16, 17, I wasn't eating enough to sustain the work that I was doing.

I was working hard, long hours, and I wasn't eating enough. I didn't really eat that much in the way of chocolate. I had hardly any money coming in, so I struggled to sort of eat proper food and stuff.

And I was better off when I was 15 than the next two years. Because when I started the chip shop job, I was getting £60 a week. So I was getting paid hourly.

So at 15, I never earned that much in my life. I was rich. And then once I was 16, I was earning £27 a week on the YTS.

And then it went up to, I think, £35 a week when I was 17. So when I was 15, I had money. And I was staying with my stepmom and my step grandmother and my little brother.

And I used to buy my own food, even though I didn't have to. I didn't have any rent to pay or anything. But I was sleeping on the camper bed in the living room.

And I used to buy these all kinds of stuff. I used to eat big breakfast, I used to have all kinds of stuff, protein shakes, it did nothing. It honestly did nothing other than, well, as I said, decorate the toilet.

I mean, it did nothing. It was just went through me, and that was it. And when you're 15 or 16, if you're kind of healthy, you almost don't need to do anything to eat.

You can eat anything you want, generally, or you can even not eat, and you still seem to have energy. I always had a lot of energy back then. But I think probably most 16 year olds do.

Okay, that's enough of that. I'll talk about something interesting now, now that you've all fallen asleep. So I've got a couple of messages.

I've got a message from Molly. What is it? She posted a lovely message. I can't find it.

What's up? Okay, I need to look at the actual page. Okay. Molly, she said it was basically she recommended my Let Me Fall You To Sleep podcast.

She says bed pod, bed, bed, bedpan, best podcast out there. I never get through a full episode, because I fall asleep within 20 minutes. The perfect balance of interesting content and sleep inducing relaxation.

Thanks, Jason. Kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss. Oh no, there's no kisses.

Never mind. Anyway, thanks, Molly. Would have been nicer if kisses, but you know, I shouldn't moan.

I do appreciate it. Thank you. There's three shares.

Who's it been shared by? Oh, I shared it to the other Facebook pages. Oh, I did a recording yesterday. Coronavirus special, remember to wash your hands.

Adults only in brackets. Yeah, I thought I'd have a little bit of fun. So there you go.

Jacqueline says, me too, for what Molly said. Thank you, Jacqueline. So I don't know if anyone's listened to that.

What I've done, just let you know, get rid of that. I have made a new podcast. I think I shared that as well with my Facebook, on my Facebook page.

I think I did. If I didn't, I should have done. Why didn't I? Oh, yeah.

My new podcast, four days ago, Jason's Bedtime Storytime. So I've got seven recordings on there. I thought I might as well just make a podcast on its own.

I'll still add them to the Let Me Boy To Sleep and the other stuff. But I'll have a podcast on its own, as I've got a few recordings there. And I'll made a, you know, picture image for the podcast.

And I shared it with iTunes and all the other different places. So it's now on Spotify, iTunes, a few other places, but it hasn't had much friction as yet. I'll give it time.

It's only been accepted by the big places like Spotify and iTunes today. So hopefully, within a short, you know, in a little while, I'm hoping I'm going to get some, a little bit of interest. But there's no way of knowing really.

It's a guessing game sometimes. It's an absolute guessing game. To know which is even, yeah.

Yeah, Jason's Bedtime Storytime. Oh, it has gone up. So I've now got seven total downloads.

I know it's not a lot. Yeah, but... Oh, what are you doing? What are you doing? Okay. I had three yesterday and two today so far.

So that's not bad. You know what I mean? It's only seven recordings. And you can always tell if people listen to them on Spotify or iTunes, because the top one always has the most views, or the most listens, which is number seven.

Even though maybe the first and the third may be the best ones, you know, but they're not going to know that unless they listen to them. So what I need to do is make some more, and just go slow with it. Because I don't know, because, okay, let's say number seven, Jason's Bedtime Storytime, Andre the Ferret discovers unconditional love.

That's not a very fairytale-y story, is it? And it's not a very kind of bedtime thing. But if you just go down to Celerik, and it's only had, what, four? Is it four downloads? Yeah. But if you look at the same one on the Let Me Boy the Sleep podcast, it's 186 downloads.

186. And on the Sleep Insomnia Hypnosis podcast, it's not good down too far. It's not good down too far.

349 downloads. Yeah. And the Hypnosis of Sleeping Deeply, 351 downloads.

Seven. Well, it's about 1000. So although it's only got four downloads on the podcast, the new podcast that it's got four, it's had about 1000 downloads among the other podcasts.

So I'm okay with that. You know what I mean? I'm okay with it being slow, being a slow burner on the actual podcast itself. And what I'll do is when I make the next, the next episode, the next recording on that podcast, I'll tell people and they can listen to it on the Jason's Bedtime Storytime podcast to search for it.

Just for those that are interested, you know? You know what I mean? You get me? Yes. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven. Seven total downloads.

Wow. In fact, let's just check it out. Let's check it out.

Does it allow me to see? It doesn't. Oh, wait a minute. Listeners.

Okay. So let's say geolocation. Wow.

That's interesting. 42.8% of the people that listened. According to this, it might just be people that listened on the speaker.

I don't know. India, 42.8%. United States, 14.29%. 14.29% Singapore. 14.29% Philippines.

Netherlands. There's a lot of 29%. So let's say 14% Netherlands.

So nothing in the UK. Okay. That's strange.

That's not right, is it? Wow. So the city, 14%. Paranaqua City in the Philippines.

Singapore, 14%. Mahali in India. Ludhiana in India.

Forgive me if I'm pronouncing it wrong. I think it's India, isn't it? India. Lucknow in India.

Lucknow. It's actually luck, L-U-C-K, and now, N-O-W. You know, if you go anywhere and say, yeah, my address is, or my name's Lucknow.

How do you spell that? N-E-W, New, L-A-N-D, land. I mean, Newland. So if I'd have said Newland, you would have spelled it with an A, yeah? Not an U. New Lund, L-U-N-D.

I can't let it go. I just can't. And then you've got Arnhem in the Netherlands.

So that's Los Gatos in the United States. Los Gatos. I heard of that.

Well, it's not, is it? Let's see what else I can find. Geolocation. Demographic.

Let's have a look. I'm unable to extract demographic sources. So 42.8. Let's say 42% is from GeoSouthern.

28% is from Spotify, 14% from Apple, and 14% from Spreaker. Geo7. GeoSouthern.

I need to check out what that is. GeoSouthern. Okay, here we go.

So this is a new one. It's a new, like, Spreaker. They've got a list of podcast providers, or directories, or whatever you want to call them, like apps, you know, that they submit my podcast to.

Not just mine, to other people's as well. And like, I, was it Apple Podcasts is the top one. Spotify is second as far as popularity.

And then you've got Stitcher, Castbox, and quite a few others. Now the newest one on their list is called GeoSouthern. So it's J-I-O-S-A-A-V-N.

Or, if you're in Scotland, J-I-O-S-A-A-V-N. GeoSouthern is the Indian online music streaming service and a digital distributor of Bollywood, English, and other regional Indian music across the world. Since it was founded in 2007, as Southern, the company has acquired rights to over five core music tracks in 15 languages.

I don't know what that means. Five, oh, five core, 50 million music tracks. What's a core? I don't know.

I think it might be a million or 50 million. Oh, it says here five core, so 50 million music tracks in 15 languages. Wow.

GeoSouthern is a freemium service. I like that word. I'm just three, but freemium.

So basic features are free with advertisements or limitations, while additional features such as improved streaming quality and music downloads are offered via paid subscriptions. So it's a bit like Spotify, I guess. Wow.

Let me see how many people. Right, I want to see what the, oh, it says here on 23rd of March, 2018, Southern announced merger with GeoMusic, what's now called GeoSouthern, in a deal worth more than $1 billion. The merger was completed in December, 2018, with Southern being rebranded GeoSouthern.

I want to see how many, so platforms, it's on every platform, like Android, iOS, watchOS, Alexa, Google Home and Windows. Oh, history. I just want to see how many people, that's what I'm interested in, how many people listen to it.

It's got millions, millions of tracks, it's going to have millions of people listen. And if it's in India, biggest country in the world, like as far as, I'm not sure which is bigger, population, India or China. I think it's India, might be wrong.

India, it's either India, China, maybe Belgium, I don't know. It's so flat, no one ever dies, no stairs to fall down. That's the only way people ever die, isn't it? Okay, I can Google that, can't I? So, GeoSouthern, copy.

Listeners, okay. I wonder what I'll upload. How listenership, okay.

So, this is actually the Financial Express, the music streaming platform claims to have seen a spike in the second half of the day. Okay. Okay, prior to the spread, listeners during the morning, the time, it still doesn't say, it's saying what time of the day.

I don't know how many, come on, it's not telling me, I just want to know how many, I'm interested in when they're listening. Although that'd be important if I was interested, I guess. Podcasters using Spreaker can now distribute their content.

Wow. Wow. Just found out.

So, GeoSouthern has 104 million active monthly listeners. Wow. Wow.

Wow. That means it's probably the most popular podcast provider in the world, I'd say. I can't imagine even Apple has that many.

It's a top, wow. I might be wrong. That's exciting.

So, maybe I should start, yeah, but I can't, I can start naming some of my things with Indian, like using the Indian language, but there's so many different Indian languages in there. So, I couldn't, it's got me thinking though. Let me see.

They let me boil it to sleep. Is it geolocation or demographics? Geolocation, sources, I said sources. That's weird.

I'm not even on there. Why am I not on there? So, Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Castbox, LevF, I don't know what that is. It's a new one.

Podbean, Stitcher, Podcast Addict, Google Podcasts, still like 2%. It's very small, isn't it? I don't know why I don't get more. I'm gonna get 1.18% on my website.

Spreak is only 1.56%. Overcast, Chrome, Player FM. Player FM, a couple of years ago, they were one of the top. And maybe people don't listen to it anymore.

I don't know. Not to Player FM, but iTunes, Acast, Stitcher, Podtail, Alexa, Pocket Casts, and other. That is really strange.

I don't understand that. What I'm gonna have to do is look at my podcast and see why it's not working. See your distributions.

View and edit. So, Manage, Distribution. Andre, distribution, okay.

GeoSavan, it's been added. Now that your podcast has been added to GeoSavan, every episode will be automatically distributed there, each time you publish it on Spreaker. And this might just be new.

It might just be a new thing, but I'm not even, it's not showing anything. I don't get that. I'm not gonna cry, I'm just saying, it's just so sad.

Okay, so let's look at DeepSleepWhisper, see if that's sources. See if GeoSavan is on there. No.

Yes, it is. 0.51. Two. Two listeners in the last week.

Wow. I mean, that's one listener today, one listener yesterday, two listeners two days ago on GeoSavan. Oh, I don't know how many, I don't know.

This is bugging me now. Shouldn't really, should it? But it is. Annoying me.

So, sources. This is for one of my podcasts. GeoSavan.

Wow, still at one. Seven yesterday, one today on my Hypnosis for Sleep Deeply. It's one of my most popular podcasts.

It's 314,709. Yeah, I know you don't want to hear that, but I'm telling you anyway. Yeah.

See, even that one, the most popular is Apple Podcasts. And then like today, Apple Podcasts 511, Spotify 174. Isn't that a lot for Spotify? Yesterday, 111 on Apple Podcasts and 194 for Spotify.

Why is Spotify so low? But I've got one, LAVF, 3.79. And I don't, I've never heard of that before. LAVF. LAVF.

LAVF. LAVF user agent. My right ear is starting to crackle.

You know, Rice Krispies when you put the milk in. That's what's happening in my right ear right now. Wow.

Okay. So, I'm like, shush. Apparently, apparently it's the default user agent for the FFmpeg library.

I don't know. I've got no idea. That's very strange.

User agent string. The user agent string belongs to Windows Media Player, browser running on Windows. So I think it might be a coder or something that people are listening to from another kind, another way.

LAVF player. I don't know. I don't get it.

I didn't get it. Very strange. Not very interesting, but it's not supposed to be.

It's not supposed to be interesting. It's supposed to be boring. But as you know, I'm usually really, really excited to listen to me.

Okay. Let's try one of your more popular ones as well. Relaxation, hypnosis, stress.

Okay. So you click on that. Go to sources.

So Apple podcasts. So yesterday, again, Apple podcasts at the top, as always. 837, Spotify, 162, LAVF, 22, and one Siavahn.

And today, 496 Apple podcasts, 144 Spotify, one LAVF and one Joe Siavahn. And I do have others, you know, like five from my website today, 18 from Google podcasts, six from Castbox, 20 from Stitcher. Podcast addicts, got seven.

Generic Android app, one. Feed spot, none. Player FM, none, but three yesterday.

Wow. So I'm just going to check my most popular one now, which is, oh no, I've checked it. Have I? Hypnosis for sleeping deeply.

Did I check that one? Anybody have? No, I haven't. Don't buy. Just because you want me to stop.

I'm never going to stop. Okay. Yes.

What have I got in this one? 314,000. So just check sources for this one. Wow.

So again, today, 511, 511 Apple podcasts, 174 Spotify, nine Stitcher, one Joe Siavahn, six Castbox. Why is my website not on there? That's weird. Oh, I know why.

I know why. So I don't have them on there. Okay.

Two generic Android app, three podcast addict, six Castbox. Yesterday. Oh, different now.

911 Apple podcasts, 194 Spotify, 77 LAVF, 29 Stitcher, seven Joe Siavahn, 20 Castbox, 10 podcast addict, five generic Android app, seven Player FM, one Goop podcasts. And the ALF, LAVN, ALVF. On Sunday, it was 104.

Monday was 71. Tuesday, 77. Today, just one.

I don't get it. I don't understand. I'll fill my contact stats to find out what LAVF means.

If it's time to play the game, then you know it's time to get ready to play the game. Don't you know? Don't you know? So yeah, not a huge amount going on for me really at the moment. Yeah, I got an electric and gas bill come through today.

And I only paid the last one last week. Although I did wait a week before paying it. But that still leaves me still only three weeks, isn't it? And one, one, two, it's only two weeks ago.

So why have I got another one so early? I know I'm not asking for an answer. I'm just curious. Anyway, I paid it.

It's almost like these little bills that's waiting and it should pop up. I'm sure I'm sure I heard the postman laughing as he put it through the letterbox. Another bill.

What was I going to say? I can't remember. I'm going to say something. I'm going to have a little drink.

Can you imagine in the future people listening to these and saying, oh, that Jason is always drinking when he makes recordings. He must have been drunk the whole time. Nope.

Never ever made one of these recordings drunk. And the last time I was drunk was at my brother's wedding. That was, I think, three years ago.

So yeah, don't get drunk. Really, really drink alcohol. Although I will, if I went to a pub or if I wasn't going anywhere else afterwards.

So I went to the pub with a friend and her boyfriend came down and we went out to lunch because I hadn't met him yet and they're getting married. So she wanted me to meet him. And so they both came separately.

He got here first. So I made my way outside until she arrived. And so we went to the pub.

And I think she was driving. So they come separate. I can't remember.

But I would have had a drink of alcohol. A hundred percent. But I had a meeting to go to.

I had my psychology meeting afterwards. So I kind of had to not drink. But if I go to have, if I go into a pub, I will drink.

No issue. I just don't want to drink at home anymore. It's just, I did it for years.

And in a way, it fits into the same bracket as watching television in bed. Don't do it anymore. Haven't done it for five years.

Spent 30 odd years doing it because I didn't have any other choice really in the sense of that's all I had in the room was a chair. So chair, bed rather. Sometimes I had a chair, but you know, I had one room.

But now I've got a separate room for television. And I even gave away what I lent. But some people like to keep stuff to me.

I lent my small flat screen TV that I brought here with me. And to my friend who, when his TV broke, I think his, I'm not sure how he brought it. Who cares? I think his dog might have knocked it off or off the thing, broke it.

So I lent that to him, small TV. And then he managed to get a bigger one. I've got no idea what happened to the small one.

I think he lent it to someone else. And I don't know, but I don't need it. Because I had one of my listeners, one of my friends, fans, I don't know what the right word is to call, bought me a television.

This is about, yeah, five years ago. So bought me a big, what's it 30, I think it's 32 inches, 36 inch, something like that. So it's not like huge, but it's, and these days with my eyesight, I think I do need to get a bigger one.

Not because I want a big TV. It's just because my eyesight's a little bit reduced from what it was. But I'm fine with the TV.

I just don't want to be one of those people that, not one of those people. I don't want to get to this stage where I've got the TV on my lap, like I'm reading a book. I don't want it to be that close, you know.

I like to have a little bit of distance. I think you can do that with little tellies. Or if you're on a lap, you know, you're watching TV on a tablet or laptop or something, you've got it close to you.

I like having TV on the other side of the room, not the other side, but I haven't got a big room, so it's not like I need a telephone to speak to someone on the other side of the room. It's not a tiny room, but it's an okay size for a single person. How couples live in a place like this, I don't know.

It's not enough room for two people, really, I don't think. It's definitely not big enough for a dog. My friend's got a big dog.

It's not big enough. His flat's exactly the same, it's pretty much the same size as mine. It's not big enough for a dog of that size.

He's just knocking stuff over all the time. It's just not big. He comes in here, knocks things over.

He's a lovely dog. He's excited to be up here and everything. It's not big enough.

These flats are not big enough. If you can have a dog, it's got to be a tiny little dog, a little bit bigger than Andre. Big dogs need more space.

It's just obvious, isn't it? Need more space to get around. I mean, this dog, lovely, but so strong. Nothing gets in its way.

I'll just walk through a wall. It's just that kind of dog. He won't walk around you.

He'll walk through you and knock you over. Not mean to, not meaning to just... He just wants to get to where he's going. And he will literally knock you over to get to it.

Push you out of the way. He did that to me the other day. I was looking after him.

And I think I was in the bathroom cleaning my teeth. And he pushed me. He wanted to get out underneath the sink.

And he literally pushed me into the bath. Physically pushed me off my feet. My feet were sliding together on the floor, like so strong.

And yeah, so what would you do if you had two people living in a place this size? I mean, that's it. You have an argument. That's it.

I'm not going into the other room. I'm going into the bedroom. I'm going to be in the kitchen.

I'm going into the bathroom. That's it. You know, I suppose I could say I'm going to the shed, but that's in the bedroom, isn't it? Or be in the shed.

I don't know. I just think you need a bit of... I quite like the idea of... If I was living with someone, I'd like the idea of having a room for me and a room for them, as well as... I don't mean only that. I mean, as well as living room, bedroom, kitchen, ensuite.

I want an ensuite, plus a bathroom for visitors, or just to go in, you know, during the day. But an ensuite for both of us each. So one side of the bedroom would be an ensuite for her.

The other side would be an ensuite for me. And the ensuite would be big. And no, I realize I'd have to be quite wealthy to have something like that, but I can imagine it'd be a lot nicer to just... for someone to have their own space, their own bathroom with all their own bits in it that they want, to not have to keep stuff, putting stuff away, you know, just to... I mean, for me, it'd just be can of deodorant, a toothbrush, you know, a moisturizer.

And of course, all the different makeups. And, you know, it'd just be nice not to have to put away the lipsticks, and the hair remover, and all the stuff that us men, you know, use on a daily basis. I just... it'd be useful, wouldn't it? To have everything just out.

But you can't really do that when you're sharing. Perhaps you shouldn't, or maybe you should, I don't know. I'm not one to judge, but I am, but I can't really.

It doesn't make any difference to my life. But I imagine it'd be much nicer just to have your own bathroom, and then meet somewhere else, you know. And ideally, a bathroom and then another room in between the bathroom and the bedroom as a kind of deodorization room.

You know, so you can walk out, you can do the biggest poo in the world, walk out, and almost, you know, like people go into space, and, you know, in the movies, and they come in from space, and then they they have to be disinfected, and sprayed, and everything to make it safe for them to sort of be like in an airlock. Maybe like that, having that kind of airlock where all the fumes are gone. I mean, maybe that's a bit overkill, I don't know.

And that might only be useful for men, because I don't think, as far as I'm aware, women don't do poos today, I don't think. It's only men that do that. So it's, yeah, I feel quite like that.

And then I think it would be good to have two separate rooms. One for her, or, you know, if I'm talking about in my own situation, so one for my beautiful wife, or girlfriend, or companion, Andre's new mummy. So, you know, and then one for me, so I could have mine for my library, books, or library, you know.

And I tell you what I like the idea of, if you've ever seen it, Hannibal TV show. Now I'm not talking about the, you know, the eating part, but just the library's beautiful, it's like big, spiral, and there's thousands of books, really good. That's the kind of thing I quite like.

And I could also have my gym, I'd have like a separate room for my gym, punch bag, walking machine. I don't mean machines help me walk, you know, like treadmill thing. Wouldn't bother with sauna, never been into saunas.

If I want to get out of breath and I'll just walk up some steps. And I just don't know what other, you know, there's other sort of general gym stuff. And then why else would I, I suppose I'd have like an office as well, but that might just be part, that'd be part of the room.

I think I need a separate room for an office. So I have a big desk, like an old fashioned Sherlock Holmes, Charles Dickens-y kind of desk. I'm kind of thinking big old thing.

And where I could write my memoirs. I sat at my desk again today. I looked at my books.

I went and had a look at the treadmill. Still don't know how to use it. I'm going to learn one day.

Maybe I'll plug it in. You know, just general stuff like that. And then my wife, she could have in her room, I don't know, sewing machine or a cooker, a washing machine, you know, things for her hobbies, for her interests.

And maybe I have a wealth, ironing board, of course, ironing board and an iron. It'd be really kitted out nicely. I mean, I could get it all sorted for her before she, just the idea to walk her in there with a blindfold and I'd just push her in and quickly lock the door before she got at me.

Look, it's just the amazement in her eyes as she looked at it. It's just, oh wow, top of the range. There's a kettle.

I might even get like a coffee maker so that she can, you know, bring me coffee and stuff throughout the day. And maybe a bread making machine. And I don't know what, you know, whether she'll have all those hobbies, but that's, I think that's kind of normal, isn't it? I think most women have those hobbies.

Can you imagine a song? Dear Jason, you are so sexist. Yeah, sure. I decided to take this one seriously, even though you've said even much worse than other ones, but I decided this one was the one I take seriously, even though you've done 460 of and they're clearly just joking around, but this one offended me.

Sewing machine? How dare you? I've never felt more insulted in all my life. I don't believe that's true. I mean, if you're going to get insulted at this, you must feel insulted every day.

I'll tell you what, if you want to feel even more insulted than this, just go have a look in the mirror. See, I thought that'd be really cool, you know, to have my room and then for her to have whatever she wanted in hers. So she doesn't know what it is.

Not to keep us separate. Yeah, it's not about that. But just to have your own space, I think it's important for people to have their own space.

And maybe that's just me. I might admit it might just be me. I don't know.

Never been very good at really working out what relationships are supposed to be like. It hasn't come naturally to me. I'll be honest.

I've never pretended otherwise. It's never come naturally. The idea of, I don't know, I think everyone needs their space.

I always have done right from when I was as far back as I remember. It's also nice to spend time with somebody as well. But joined at the hip.

I don't know if I fancy that. I'm not sure. I mean, never say never.

I just don't know. I think it's nice to have your own space and to have your own books and have your own, you know what I mean, have your own interests. Because I've met people in the past where their hobby is their boyfriend or their girlfriend.

That's their hobby. You know, they don't say that that's their hobby, but that's their interest. That's the thing that they focus on.

Sometimes, like, that's it. You know, I watch television. That's not a hobby.

Watching Netflix is not a hobby. It's a pastime. It's leisurely.

It can be a lot of fun. It's not a hobby. A hobby is something that you're passionate about, that you love doing.

You're creating something, you're building something, or you're following something. Watching football is a hobby. Because people watch football or go to baseball or basketball, they're passionate about it.

They love it. They follow the teams. They are passionate, passionate more than I am about anything.

I've never been passionate. I've never been as passionate about anything as football fans are about football. I mean, it's a different level.

Why do I do that? I think in the moment, I've never been as passionate in the moment as people watching a football match, that like excitement. Never had that. But my passion is a more kind of continuous, where I will spend every minute of the day, sometimes working on whatever I'm doing, whether it's the website or back when I was really into karate or Kung Fu or when I was really into the Cold War, I was really into comedy or all kinds of weird things.

You know, that would be taking up all my time and my thinking. Or when I first started building websites back in 2000. That was everything.

That was my whole life for that year or two when I first, you know, really got into it for the first year. But I don't think I ever felt that huge buzz that people feel when they go to a football match. I've been to one football match, my friend Alex, and he took me.

He's a lot younger than me. I think he's about 10, 12 years younger than me. And this is when I was about 32.

And he took me to, I worked with him, and he took me to a football match and never been before. And there was hardly anyone there. It was a really small crowd.

It was like a Tuesday night. You know, it wasn't a busy, busy, busy one. The game wasn't, I suppose all games are important, but it wasn't one of those important games.

Huge game. And two things I noticed, I didn't know. The first was how tiny those turnstiles are to get through.

Because even then I was, I was probably about 13 stone. Yeah, probably 13, 12, 13 stone. Yeah.

So I was, and I thought, well, how do big people get through? Because I wasn't big, I'm not, there's people really big compared to me, are really big, especially like football matches. How do they get through? The turnstiles are really, really little, really, really thin. I mean, I don't know.

They must be, must deflate themselves or something before they go through. Maybe they float over. I don't know.

And the other thing is what I noticed is the football pitch was a lot smaller than I thought it would be. Because I thought, you look at the crowd, look at on your, on telly, the football pitch looks massive. And like, well, you're not going to see anything if you're in the crowd, what's the point? But it's so bright, floodlights are so bright.

And you can, the pitch isn't that big. It's not a big pitch. It just looks bigger on telly.

And I'm pretty sure that the pitches will be the same size at every football ground. Why would you have a bigger pitch at a different football ground? That wouldn't be fair, would it? Surely that would make, you know, why have one that's, you know, 50 foot longer than otherwise? Surely they've got to be a particular size. I know the stadiums are bigger.

So there'd be more people in some of the stadiums. So you would be further away. If you went to Manchester United, you might be, yeah, you'd be way further away than if you went to, like I say, like Norwich, for example.

Even Norwich is a big team, but you know, big, but it's going to be a lot smaller stadium than Manchester United. Or I've only been in one other football stadium other than the one I went to before. And that was at Chelsea.

I think Chelsea had moved since then. This was 2005. And I was auditioning for the X Factor.

And there was, I've told you about this. I need to tell you about this one day. The, yeah, wow.

Yeah, I was there all night long. I got there. The audition was, I don't know what day of the week it was, but I think it was a Friday.

I got to, I didn't live in London at the time. So I got there on a Thursday afternoon. And there was, I reckon, in my memory, maybe 12 people there queuing.

I got there about two, two o'clock, something like that. Said hello. I got to know these people because I was there with them from 2.30 all the way until probably nine o'clock in the morning to 2.30 in the afternoon.

It might've been 10 o'clock, probably nine or 10, something like that. So it gives you an idea. It's a long time to be, and it was outside and it was cold.

It was even July, June in the summer. I know it's warm inside sometimes in the summer, but outside is, in the UK, in England, you get, you get a few nights where you can actually just sit outside all night long without getting a little bit chilly at some point. And it wasn't freezing or anything, but it was definitely did get a bit colder around about, you know, the four or five o'clock time.

So I've got no sleep. Now, nobody that queued there all night pretty much is ever going to get in to the competition because if you've been there all night awake, your voice is pretty much rubbished. You've been talking, you've been outside, the elements, you're not prepared.

Your voice is not going to sound very good. So if any, if there's anyone out there, is there anyone there? Is anyone going to apply? Or, I mean, I'd already applied, I'd already had my, yeah, I'd already applied online, then I went along. Or did I just turn up? I'm not sure.

But my advice, what I learned, this is, you know, 15 years too late, but never mind, is turn up on the day in a taxi, or better still, get a hotel room as close to the venue of auditions as you can and find out what time it's going to open and get there half an hour, an hour before they open. Get in the queue. There's going to be hundreds of people ahead of you, but they're all going to be tired.

Their voice is going to be croaky. Some of them would have eaten cheese and dairy products, which apparently is good for your throat and your vocal cords. Didn't know that at the time.

During my audition, if I'd known that, I would have stopped eating my cheese sandwich while I was auditioning. So that's my advice, is to ideally get yourself into a nice hotel, relax, and just have a nice evening. Get all dressed up how you want to do, you know, a nice shower and stuff, and then go.

And queue up. And you'll have to wait a few hours before you're seen. You know, I was in the front row of the stadium.

And the, I think it was, I think there was four, four sections, I think so. And I was in one of the sections, and they filled it up. I think there was thousands and thousands of people.

And most of them turned up on the day. They just turned up like, you know, an hour or so before. We did have, we had hundreds of people that were there during the night.

You know, there were hundreds waiting during the night. And people turned up at four o'clock, five o'clock, six, you know that. And it was all around the block.

And then a bunch of drunk people turned up. And when they opened the gates, they just went, just went inversed. Okay, so I've been waiting there for How many hours? Twelve, two.

Twelve and eight. Twenty hours. Twenty hours.

Twenty hours. Or maybe 19 hours. Didn't say anything though.

Still waiting. Still waiting to say something. But maybe it's a bit too late.

Possibly. It was a wind up though. It really was a little bit annoying.

Annoying. And then I had my audition and they, they said no. So you don't, you don't get, you don't get to stand in front of the actual proper judges until you've had quite a few different auditions, which doesn't make sense when you see some of the people that get through.

So they're, you know, the ones that are perhaps really bad, really bad singers or can't sing at all. And so they purposely put those through to, to entertain the TV public. So it's not the first time they've been heard.

They've been heard quite a few times before, they've had quite a few auditions before they even get through to the, you know, the bits where they're filmed and they're in front of Simon Cowell or whoever else. So they've basically been made fun of by the TV program. So luckily I didn't, I didn't have that.

I think, yeah, I did sound a bit rubbish to be fair. Then I've been up all night and I've been eating cheese. That's my excuse.

That was the, that was the year that, um, Naomi Lewis, not Naomi Lewis, Leonie Lewis, Leona, Leona Lewis. That's when she won it, I think 2005. And because I was so annoyed with it, not getting through or not even getting through to the first round of auditions, I didn't, I refused to watch it.

And then I gave in because it was one of my favourite programs to watch. And it turned out to be one of the best ones because Leonie Lewis was at that point, the best ever singer on any of those shows that's been in this country. But then there's been a couple of others since Ella Henderson and what's his name who won it? Let me have a look.

I can't remember everybody. What's going on? X Factor, Arthur, Arthur Daly, James Arthur, James, James Arthur's, James Arthur. And then one actually, no, there was even after him, there was someone that was, I can't remember his name.

Phenomenal voice, absolutely phenomenal. But that's when X Factor stopped being as popular. You know, he really kind of went not downhill, but just not as popular.

X Factor, when it's, when it's got a pretty little check. X Factor winners, UK. I'm not opening YouTube.

Go away. X Factor. Matt Terry.

Matt Terry. Phenomenal singer. I mean, absolutely.

I mean, they were all great. I'm not, I can't knock any of them. They were all really, really good.

You know, right from Steve Birkin, Burt Stein. He was the first winner. Shane Ward was the second winner.

They're all brilliant singers. Leanna Lewis was just almost like perfection. You know, Leon Jackson.

I can't remember Leon Jackson. Alexander Burke. Yeah, great.

Joe McElderry. That was season six. Because Alexander Burke, she's six.

She sung. And that was a huge number one hit. And then, ah, let me have a look at, let me just, I can tell you this, right.

2008. Okay. So she won the X Factor in 2008.

So she had the Christmas number one. 2009, I received in January, a podcasting kit that I'd bought from Amazon. I think it might not, it might be from another company, but it was this podcasting kit, which cost me about 150 quid with a microphone, mixer and all that stuff.

And that's what I recorded my Stop Smoking course on. And I remember I was setting it all up, and then listening to the radio at the same time, while I was sort of online doing stuff. I think my landlord and madlady had gone on a holiday in January.

And this song Hallelujah kept coming on. And I was like, I love that song. Matt Cardle.

And then you've got Little Mix, 2011. Now Little Mix, what I would say about them is they, when they did the live show, their harmonizing was so good. It was like perfect harmonization, as well as, you know, the way they kind of danced and stuff.

I'm not all that bothered about dancing, if I'm honest. It's the singing, but the singing was perfect. It's like, so harmonized.

And it was the first band I really liked on Little Mix, on X Factor. But there's no hugely outstanding singer since Leone Lewis. They're all great, but none of them are really brilliant.

None of them are great. Like, they're all, maybe they're all great. They're all better singers than me, but James Arthur, phenomenal.

But when he was on there, okay, and this is what was really, really strange. He was on there on the X Factor on 2012. And the person that he, the person seemed like they were going to win it.

And they didn't, obviously, because James Arthur did. But the person seemed basically, well, I would have bet any money, Ella Henderson, because her voice, okay, James Arthur's voice was more creative. You know, he did stuff with his voice that I've never really seen done before, like with a man.

And he just, he was just so original. And he deserved to win. But I think they both deserved to win.

That would have been the only year that I would say two people equally deserved. I mean, he deserved because he got through, you know, he deserved to win because he won. And I'm a fan of his.

I think he's great. However, Ella Henderson, she was, I think, 17. And she could reach notes that Mariah Carey, that level.

You know, when Mariah Carey was young, that's the note level she was reaching. That was the breadth and the span of her musical vocabulary. Phenomenal.

And what was weird about it is she got kicked out. Because she shouldn't have done. Absolutely ridiculous.

Let me tell you what happened. I have to, I have to tell you. Okay, you ready? So let me go through.

I should read out the live shows. I'm not sure which show it was in. But I'll go away.

The live shows I'm only interested in. Okay. Brian, Rylan Clark was in that one as well.

He's probably got on to be more successful than everybody because he's on TV, loads of TV stuff. Okay. So week one.

Ella Henderson, she went all the way through. It's really weird. Okay.

So James Arthur, he was in the elimination vote in the first week. But he won. Which is weird.

Okay. Second week, he was sixth. Week three, he was third.

No, he was sixth. I'm getting confused. Anyway.

Week four, he was fourth. Week five, he was sixth. Week six, he was third.

Week seven, he was fifth. And then the quarterfinal, semifinal, Saturday vote, and then the winner. So he was first in the last three votes, plus the winner.

Jarmaine, or Jarmaine Douglas. He was second nearly every week, apart from one when he was third. And he ended up being a runner up.

So he was doing better than James Arthur all the way through, apart from the final, or the quarterfinal. Yeah. And Christopher Maloney, he was a wildcard voter.

He was first in every single week, up to week seven, ahead of James Arthur, who'd won it, and Jarmaine. And Christopher Maloney went on to be the second and third. So quarterfinal, he was second.

Semifinal, he was third. Saturday vote, he was third. And then he was eliminated.

So he basically was third. So out of the three on the final night. Union J, they, you know, they came fourth, I think.

Okay. Ella Henderson. Are you ready for this? Ella Henderson.

Third on week one, fourth, third, sixth, fifth, fourth, sixth. See, it didn't make any sense because she was, her and James Arthur were the best singers. They're all good singers, but they were the best.

They're outstandingly great singers. Yet they weren't, for some reason, they weren't popular. They weren't as popular as Christopher or Jarmaine or, you know, like what's going on.

And then in week, week seven, pretty sure week seven, I was the semifinal. No, I wasn't. Eliminated week seven, which would be, no.

Week seven. Here it is. Week seven.

Her and James Arthur. There's one, two, three, four, five, six people left on week seven. Ella Henderson and James Arthur were in the final two.

So they were in the elimination or they were, they had to have a sing off. So the two best singers had to sing off. So unfair.

And James Arthur won. It wasn't unfair that he won. It was just unfair that she didn't win.

It was unfair that they should have been together in there. And both of them knew it. I mean, he had more confidence, I think, as a singer when he was singing.

And he was, I think, mind you, I think they both were singing their own songs. I'm not sure 100%. But they're both brilliant.

And, and again, Christopher Maloney ended up being first on that week. And he was third overall by the end of the show. And he got given such a hard time because he was popular.

So the press decided just to give him a hard time for some reason. I mean, clearly he was getting the, he got 65, 63.5% of the vote for the wildcard vote. Because a few people thought when to get into it.

And then he was, he was, he was getting 28%, 21%, 22%, 24%, 27%. You know, when you got 27% of the vote, and there's still eight people in the competition. That's phenomenal.

So anyway, James Arthur won. And what year was that? All right, yeah. Let me see which one the, if I've got it right for, what's her name? Leona, Leona.

Leona Lewis. Leona Lewis. And, oh, she, she won the third series of X Factor in 2006.

Maybe, ah, that would explain it. So I think it was 2005. And I didn't watch the beginning.

That's the one where Shane Ward won. So I didn't, I did watch it, but I didn't watch it, you know. I should make it up as I go along.

None of this is true. I don't even know what the, the X Factor doesn't exist. It's a made up thing.

It's a made up thing. So thank you for listening. We go now.

Remember to be kind to yourself because you deserve to be happy. What's enough? Bye.