#468 Let me bore you to sleep

Hello and welcome to jasonnewland. com. My name is Jason Mulamb, this and also Andre the Ferret is in my arms, having a nice little cuddle and this is let me bring you to sleep. Please only listen when you can safely close your eyes, give me kisses. I'm surprised how cuddly he is considering how hot it is, he's hot for me but I'm nowhere as hairy as him, I love how he just pushes me away, okay, there you go, now he's licking my slippers, oh no, okay, he wants to go out for a walk and it's 13 minutes past 2 in the morning, but he's not going out for a walk, so is this one, he's now on the other side of the room with his girlfriend, it's really weird, can you hear him?

I don't even bother trying to edit these recordings because he can keep going for an hour, two hours sometimes, okay, maybe an hour and a half, and what's the point of me trying to edit out clicks and a bit of, when all you've got is, and moving around, so it makes my job a little bit easier because even the most basic editing takes about an hour, seriously, I go through it, I go through the recording, I see a little spike, so I listen to it, I try and make it better, so if you listen to

the recording and you think, oh, I could at least have edited this, I probably have, it's just these outside noises, sounds that I can't control, I could put him in his cage, but he's having fun, I don't want to put him in his cage, he's having fun, he's following me around a lot at the moment, to the point where he's getting in trouble because I'm standing on him accidentally, obviously, but I don't think it's good to have my weight on his back, and he just, and need eyes, literally, you know the old saying, need eyes

in the back of your head, with him I do, so I went into the shed, my recording studio, so I did a couple of recordings earlier, or yesterday afternoon, a deep sleep whisper, and a weekly sleep hypnosis recording, and I left my tablet, the Android tablet that I use to record, in the shed, I thought I better get it and charge it up, because I left it in there on, however, the Android, the tablet, lasts for ages and ages and ages, if it's not actually being used, it'd still be on, but it lasts for ages,

the iPad doesn't, it just seems to run down really quick, which I'm surprised about, well, doesn't really matter, I suppose, it's not really that important, I did have a couple of messages I was gonna read, but my phone's on charge, so I can't read anything out, so I'm kind of just gonna just talk, I want to say, I want to say a big hi to Molly, now I named yesterday's recording, what was it, Molly and her chocolate supermarket trolley, or something like that, it's just a title, I just gave to it, had nothing to do,

I think I gave the impression that it was a story about Molly and her chocolate supermarket trolley, and it wasn't, so I'm sorry if anyone was disappointed, you notice someone's sitting there, laying down, I gotta keep awake, it's been really boring, but I gotta keep awake, I gotta hear about that chocolate, that chocolate trolley, there wasn't one, sorry, I just, I mean you may have noticed, I don't know if you have or not, but lately, I've been staring in the mirror, very, sorry, that's Stevie Wonder, lately, that's his song lately, and I have been trying

to give my recordings titles, trying but not, the problem is I don't remember what I've spoken about, now there was one I was talking about, The X Factor, and I forget, I do get a message about that song, it's nice to hear about it, and I'll read that message out on, perhaps tomorrow, so don't forget, if you want me to say happy birthday, or happy anniversary, or hello, or shout outs, I'm still available for that, that stupid ferret, winds me up, he was scratching at the door earlier, it's like come on mate, two o'clock in

the morning, it's just ridiculous, but I don't think other people can hear him, I just get a sense that time, this time of the night, everything seems a bit more magnified, and I don't know about you, but the quieter I try and be, the more clumsy I seem to end up being, you know, sort of dropping stuff on the floor, I must think I'm playing skittles up here or something, I do try and be quiet, I try and be, you know, considerate, but I suppose at least I know I'm being considerate, I'm doing some drawing,

so, what was I going to say, here's something I found out today, in a view of a vampire, the little girl in that, looked really familiar, her face, and I couldn't, and I've not seen that film for years and years and years, and I saw it when it first came out in the 90s, whenever that was, well, I know when the 90s were, but, in a view of a vampire, what about 90, what, 97, something like that, maybe earlier, and, it's got Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt, and Antonio Barreros, how about you just go for

a little sleep, Andre, I've got the windows open so you can hear the train a bit louder, at least it's not bibbling its horn, quite often they do, at night, don't do it during the day, a few weeks ago I was out with my friend and we were walking the kids, I had Andre, he had his little boy, dog, and we went near the railway crossing, and it was the longest train in the universe, and it was all containers, basically, I'm guessing coming from Harwich, docks, but it might not be, it might be going to

London, who knows where it's going, but it looked like they'd kept the entire contents of a ship on there, by that I don't mean the udders, and, you know, the sail, and the steering wheel, I'm talking about the cargo, the cargo, you know, and it was really long, I mean, there must have been well over a hundred of these containers that went past us, and it was going quite slowly, I guess, I mean, they must have weighed over 50 kilos each, you know, so, so, heavy old things, I said, well, no, surely there'd be about

two or four ton each, yeah, so over 50 kilos, isn't it, so loads and loads and loads and loads, that's the whole story, really, there's nothing else to add to it, but I've got the windows open, because it's hot, I've no longer got my boobies out, because I did earlier, I had my t-shirt off, I had no choice, and you could say, well, there's always a choice, and I would never go out like that, but, it was hot, hot, hot yesterday, in the evening as well, it cooled down a bit, and then it seemed to

get hotter in the evening, I went to the garage about half ten, got a few bits to get through the weekend, and, you know, because I ate petrol, and I get back and I'm sweating, I mean, I wasn't sweating really bad, I didn't have a lot of puddle in me underpants, but I was just like, wow, why am I sweating so much, and, when I was in the garage, the petrol station, I had my mask on, I was having a little chat with a lady, the other side of the counter, she had her mask on,

and she doesn't have to wear it the other side of the counter, but she has to wear it when she's my side, you know, where the customers are, and we were just talking about how uncomfortable they are, and, you know, the glass is steaming up, and, you know, it's how, it was the idea, like, a year ago, my nephew said, we'd be standing here, talking to each other through masks, and I'd be standing there, instead of my normal bald head, I'd have, which almost looks like a collection of pubic trimmings, just sort of stuck on,

and this big, massive, weird beard, and she said, I probably wouldn't have gone that far, you know, that kind of description, but, yeah, the mask thing, I'm with you on that, and I said, okay, she said, yeah, it's strange, I said, I don't know, just the idea, you wouldn't have believed it, would you, if you had sort of, a year ago, said, oh, we're going to be standing in here, sweating our, our, our bits off, and she said, yeah, again, I don't need you to be sort of talking about it like that, I said, well,

I'll just say what I want, and she said, no, you won't, I said, yes, I will, I've got proof that I say what I want, when I want, she said, how can you prove that you always say whatever you want, whenever you want, so I showed her all the press clippings of when I've been arrested, and she said, wow, that's a thick, that's a thick book, I said, yep, I've always said what I want, whenever I want, and she said, you're right, none of that happened, I don't know what I'm saying, I thought about shaving

my beard, and trimming it, not with scissors, because I don't think that's going to do the job, because that's going to just be a mess, I'll try and do it with my scissors, but I thought about, I've actually got a beard trimmer, I just need the blades, but the blade I've got is not runted, not runt, blunt, blunt, and I did think, hmm, but this part of me just wants to see how gross I can actually get, I mean, my hair is now longer than, it's the longest it's been in a long, long time, and

I don't know, there's a part of me thinking, well, okay, I've got a little bit, it's not a bald patch, it's a thinning patch at the back, so it's thinning, it's not bald, it's thinning, but I guess it's going to be bald at some point, or maybe it's just going to stay thinning, who knows, and I'm okay with how I look, until I look in the mirror, I'm really at peace with, you know, my appearance, until I see what I look like, I think, oh, what is that?

I've actually edited that out, I think my beard looks okay, it looks silly, but I think my face looks friendlier when I've got a beard, does that make sense?

It softens my face a bit, not that I've got a, like, I don't think I've got a scary face, I just, I think having a beard just softens me a bit, but then having a chubby face softens me as well, I used to have a thin face, I don't anymore, and I'm not sure how many chins I've got now, so I used to count them, usually, sometimes a Saturday afternoon, if I wasn't busy, I'd count my chins, you know, just a weekly thing, and I'm not sure how many I've got now, I mean, I feel

it, and it feels like I've only got maybe one, maybe two, and it doesn't feel, my neck doesn't feel, like, tight, you know, like it would have done, you know, when I was younger, but it's not, I don't think it's, like, super droopy, I don't know, you know what, considering I've got a lot of follow, well, no, I sound like I'm bragging now, I'm trying to point out that I'm not bragging, but I must be one of the few men that's continuously putting my, the way I look down, I'm making myself out to look really

horrible, and I, when, I could lie, I could lie, I could, first thing I need to do, actually, all I need to do is remove the thousand-odd videos from my website, my YouTube channel, rather, remove every picture from my Facebook account and my Twitter, remove all the pictures of me, so there's lots on the internet, and then, you wouldn't know, would you, or I could put a picture of someone with blonde hair, tall, I don't know if I'd want to have blonde hair, I've never really been that bothered about hair, really, there was one time,

actually, the only time in my life that I've been obsessed with my hair, it's true, a little period I went through, and this was 1989, and it was August time, around this time, you can hear, that's the motorway, so it's a really clear night, so you can hear, there's no wind or anything, so you can hear traffic and everything, but because I've got more windows open than normal, I've got two windows open here, so there's three windows in my living room, three windows in my, not three separate windows, but one, there's one big hole in

the wall, and then there's three, there's four windows that fill it, one that doesn't open, one at the top that does, and the two big ones at the side that do, and they're the same in the other room, in the bedroom, so I've got the windows open, the one at the top's open wide, and the one at the side is, I think it's on a latch, so just in case Andre gets onto the windowsill, because he will go outside, and the smell of the outside wafting in sends him a little bit batty, you know, he

just wants to get out there, but he can't, well, I hope he can't get to the top window, but he'd really struggle to get onto the windowsill anyway, because I've moved everything away, but if he really wanted to, if he put his mind to it, he could, and he has before, and what he'd love is to see him, I should film him if he ever does it, in fact I could just stick, just put him on the windowsill in the bedroom, can't do it in the living room because there's so much stuff on the windowsill,

there's the little stuff connected to the telly, there's the Alexa, which, I've got to be quiet, I don't want to say it out too loud, see the Alexa, it was a novelty when I got it, now, I forget it's there, because when I first got it, I joined Amazon Music, which meant I could listen through the, you know, I could just ask music to be played, and it would play it, I could basically say, play Adam and the Ants, or play The Wanderers, and The Wanderer, yeah, sort of Dion, which is by the way my

favourite all time song of all time, The Wanderer, I love that song, let me tell you about the story behind that song, just when you thought this wasn't going anywhere, I don't know why I'm in quite a good mood tonight, why is that?

I think what it is, again, you're probably asleep now, but if you are awake, I had a really, quite a rubbish week, the last week, and now, I'm kind of the other side of it, if you know what I mean, I made three recordings yesterday, four, if you include ones with music, so four recordings, uploaded to the podcasts, and to my website, and I didn't do that much more, but I've been looking at stuff, and trying to figure out how to do other things, but generally just feeling, it's Saturday now, so feeling quite a good

frame of mind, because I should have had a delivery of food tomorrow, but I cancelled it because it was just going to take most of my money, and I still got two weeks, well, I got paid Wednesday, so it's now Friday, so it's two weeks, last Wednesday, until I get any more money, and so I had the catalogue to pay, so that was £100, or was it £97, just as I thought, oh, everything's okay, I've got that done, electric and gas bill come through, I thought, well, I just paid that one two weeks ago, or

last week, two weeks ago, I don't know, so I think they sent it early, but I just have this thing in me, where I just feel the need to pay bills, when they arrive, I just want to get them paid, it puts my mind at rest, does that make sense, just, I feel more relaxed, even if it leaves me with no money, or very little, I just feel more relaxed, because it's paid, so, oh, I'm just stunned, stunned now, so, my body is sticking to this chair, I've got some shorts that I made myself, and

these were tracksuit bottoms, and I basically just turned them into shorts, and just cut them through, cut out the legs, and that was so that I was able to make recordings in my shed, because it was so damn hot in there, but now I've removed all the polythene and all the outside stuff, it's now breathable, because there are holes in the shed, just naturally, because it's wood, and there's a few gaps and stuff, so I can sit in there for about half an hour, and then it starts to get a little bit sweaty, but it's

not, like I used to get in there and it was hard to breathe, but now it's a lot nicer, but yesterday it was, I made two recordings in there, but it was just the hottest day of the year, I think it was like 85 degrees or something, or 32 degrees, whatever that is, and I still managed to sit in there for about an hour, and yeah, I was sweating a bit, but not like before, so I reckon, come the winter, or come months time, two months time, all I need to do is just turn the

heating off in that room, and I'll be able to sit in that shed for hours without getting too hot, and it will be, it'll probably be fairly warm in there, but it won't be cold, but I won't have to, you know what I mean, I just won't be getting too hot, so I'll be able to do more recordings, more, more, I'm the wanderer, the wanderer, I'm the wanderer, I'm the wanderer, I'm the wanderer, I'm the wanderer, I'm the wanderer, I'm the wanderer, I'm the wanderer, I'm the wanderer, I'm the wanderer, I'm the wanderer, I'm the

wanderer, I'm the wanderer, I'm the wanderer, I'm the wanderer, I'm the wanderer, I'm the wanderer, I'm the wanderer, I'm the wanderer, I'm the wanderer, I'm the wanderer, I'm the wanderer, I'm the wanderer, I'm the wanderer, I'm the wanderer, I'm the wanderer, I'm the wanderer, I'm the wanderer, I'm the wanderer, or present presents, presents, I've put my postal address that you can send me stuff to on my website, it's at the top of the page, it's actually on the banner I don't mean, yeah, it's on the banner, not David Banner from the Incredible Hulk, it'd be

so funny if you went there and there was a picture of David Banner, the original one, you know, Bill Bixby, and yeah, so that's there, so that's cool, so I'll tell you what, I know it's a little bit, uh, I don't know what the right word is, a little bit egotistical probably, and I'll just, you know, I'll just let you know I don't care, I'm fine with it, I'd like to see how many cards I can get, I've never ever really thought about this in the past, I've never, I've never even sort of let people

know where to send a birthday card really in the past, unless people like contact me like privately, so for example Rachel sent me some beans and like a big pack of, and some tin food and that, which was brilliant, but, you know, she had to get my address, you're with me to do it, but generally I haven't kind of, I don't mean to give that information out, but I thought it'd be really cool to see, as it's like, I suppose it's technically a special birthday, and all my teachers used to say that I was special,

so I think on my 50th I'd like to see if I can get a few cards, because I've noticed as I've got older I'm getting less and less cards, sometimes three birthday cards, you know, maybe four, and I'm like, oh really?

A part of the reason for that is because I've not, I've not created my own family, I've not, you know, produced my own offspring, which means, you know, I don't have children or grandchildren, mother-in-laws, I don't have any, or, you know, father-in-laws, step-brother-in-laws, sister-in-laws, and all those things, and nephews and nieces, and all that stuff, you know, I don't, don't have much contact with, like, my family at all really, not much, so yeah, if I could kind of create my own family, and that's not a reason to do it, is it, you know, just so

I can get birthday cards, but it's really weird, because, you know, I think of myself, I don't, I don't think of myself as being old, I know some people say 50 is not old, a lot of people, more people would say 50 is old than people who say it isn't old, but, you know, there's anyone under the age of, I don't know, I'm generalizing, but a lot of people in class 50 is being like, wow, ancient, but I don't, I don't sound 50.

I personally, even though, even though I may, I look a mess, you know, I look like a scarecrow, but I think I look like a quiet, I don't, I don't think I look like a 50 year old scarecrow, so I'm hearing little footsteps, I'm pretty sure Andre's asleep, I'm pretty sure he's asleep, just not over there, but if he is, I've got some rats running around there, it's him, I wonder where he is, must be in the bedroom or in the hallway, that's the one, you know, that was the benefit I had, having him, because

when I first moved in here, every single sound that I heard was a bit startling, a little bit, oh, because I spent so many years living in shared houses, that if I'd hear something, I kind of knew who it was, or I just, it was the person sleeping next to me, you know, in the next room, or there'd be maybe three people on one landing, three people upstairs, three people downstairs, so there'd always be sounds, and I could like attribute what the sounds were to, that makes sense, but when I moved here, I didn't have

that really, I only have one neighbour that is connected to my flat, who can actually, has the ability to really disturb me if they wanted to, and they don't, they're pretty cool, because I've got no one to the side of me, no one above me, not one person below me, that's it, see, so many other flats, so let's say the person opposite me on my flat, he's got someone next to him, and below him, so yeah, and also I think on that side, they can also hear the flat next to them as well, below, so

my friend's got a flat, he can hear above him, he can hear next to him, and he can also hear above him, next to the person above him as well, you know, just like toilets flushing and stuff like that, and the mongoose is being fed, cows, lions being milked, you know, just general stuff, helicopters making love, and it's unfortunate, because I've just got one neighbour, really, as far as I've, you know, I've got neighbours, other neighbours that I talk to, but just one neighbour that's actually physically directly connected, so that's quite cool, but when I

moved in there, there's all these weird sounds that I didn't really know what they were, plus it was empty in here when I first moved in, the only thing I brought, and I wish I'd kind of brought a bit more stuff, because for some reason I, I don't know what's going in my head, I don't know, I make some strange decisions I have done in the past, so when I was a moving, when I was a moving, I gave away my electric guitar that I'd only had for maybe six, seven months, never used it, had

an amplifier with it and everything, it was a nice guitar, I was going to learn to play, I didn't, and I gave it to one of my neighbours upstairs, who just sold the light, he was cool, very funny, so I just gave it to him and said you can have this if you want, or you can sell it, it's up to you, so he took it, and I'm not sure if I gave anything else away, but I chucked out my punch bag, which was a stand-up punch bag, that one that's big, like heavy, heavy base

that you can fill with water or concrete or sand, I had mine full of water, and it was, I think it was taller than me, and to be fair, even while the water wasn't enough to keep it standing still, I think concrete might have been the better one, or actually having it attached to the ground would have been better, but that's really only suitable, I suppose, if you're in, if you've got it in the garden, because I had another one that I left in a previous place, and that was in the garden, but the reason

that worked well was before, because I was in a basement, so there was no one above me, or sorry, there was no one below me, rather, so I couldn't disturb them, the people above me were so noisy anyway, I didn't care, it was just, I wasn't purposely noisy, but they were just, I remember I saw her one day, and she said, oh, sorry if I disturb you, I'm very, very heavy-footed, and I said, if you know you're heavy-footed, why don't you do something about it, I didn't say that, but if you know, just walk a

bit quieter, early hours of the morning maybe, but I used to, I used to wear earplugs back then, so I wasn't so affected, I was grumpy, oh, Mr.

Grumpy Head, and then, mind you, once I was on the medication for the bipolar, I kind of was a bit sedated really, because I was on the higher doses back then, than I am now, a lot higher, yeah, I was on, what was I, double, no, not, but double, double the amount, I think, five, maybe even three times the amount, three or double, yeah, probably double, but I think I was, I'm on, yeah, I was on double the amount of the mood stabilizers, but I was on half the amount that I'm on now of the,

of the Prozac, so, yeah, anyway, so I had this sponge bag, and okay, I think I just put that out for the dustbin, dustbin, dustman, dustbin people, and, and that cost me about £250, so that was like a waste, it wasn't a waste of money, because I'd had it for a couple of years, and I used it regularly, so it's very, kind of helped me to keep fit, and I had it in the kitchen, because in the kitchen is a concrete floor, and so that was, I don't know, it just seemed like a good place

to have it, and then I ordered a van, like a, a removal van to come and help me to move my stuff, and when they actually turned up, they started laughing, because there was three men there, so one driver and two other people, and they looked at my stuff, and they said, well, you could have done this in a little, little car, or a little van, I didn't need this big, it was kind of like a lorry, really, rather than a van, and I said, yeah, I didn't know, did I?

So, I had a table, which is kind of a set of drawers, I had a chair, I had a bed, which I'd replaced, it's the bed I had there, it was like one of those old-fashioned, almost like an old prison bed, you know, with the springs, metal frame, and it was just really uncomfortable being there for about 100 years, and I said to my landlord when I moved in there, I need to get my own bed, mate, and you need to take that table and chairs out, but you had a table and four chairs, the

room wasn't big enough to stroke a cat, never mind swinging, I mean, literally, it was a tiny room, it was, I wonder where that expression comes from, swinging, who would ever swing a cat?

And if anyone did that, you know that that cat is going to spend the rest of his life plotting to get revenge on you, you know, I could pretty much touch one side of the room to the other, near enough, and, you know, for the width of the room, I purposely took one of the doors off of the hinges of the cupboard, there was these inbuilt cupboards that were in there, they were, again, they'd probably been there for a long time, in order to let some air in because my clothes were going mouldy, genuinely, there

was, I mean, the moths actually had their own bedroom in the cupboard, they had a little house and everything, and it was just ridiculous, clothes were going mouldy, my books, I think that's part of the reason why I kind of went on a little bit of a destruction thing, because my books would just go mouldy, you know, wet, wet, my books were wet, it's like, I don't remember doing that, and I'm thinking, no, I'm not going to mistake the cupboard for a toilet, am I?

No, not, no, I never sleep that heavy that I'd do that. So, yeah, it was there on my land, I've got it right half, so when I go to move, when I went to move out, he said, that, that door needs to be back on, I didn't chuck the door away, I just left it, you know, there, but I took off his hinges, just to let some air, just, you know, into this, so that it didn't keep, so it didn't ruin everything, the dampness.

So I had my chair, which was a horrible, horrible chair, which I didn't mind when I first got it, but I think, you know, just, yeah, a bit new, and then I bought it second hand from the charity shop, and so I brought that here, I brought my bed, I said to him, can you take that table away, I don't want that, it was like a set of drawers, but it was just the gammy, just like, no, you can have that, and I hardly had any books left, so I probably had about 20 books, compared

to the probably 500 that I had when I moved in, and then just had a few clothes, duvet, you know, bits and bobs, and that was it, and a goldfish, I had a goldfish, did I have two?

I might have had two goldfishes.

Yeah, and that was it, so there was all these sounds echoing, you know, so there was, all that was in the flat, there was no carpet when I first moved in, which is pretty much standard, but there was a lot, there was nails sticking up, the floor, you know, there was covered in paint that people have been decorating over the centuries, and, and it was the same in the bedroom, the kitchen, the bathroom, in fact, probably much tidier and cleaner than they are now, but you know, everything was, I never had to change anything in there, except put stuff in there, like fridge, freezer, washing machine, you know, stuff.

So, I moved in, I had a kettle, a kettle, yeah, I had a kettle, and I had my little bed, and it looked tiny in the room, because I was so used to seeing it taking up three quarters of the room, not three quarters, probably one, not three quarters, no, probably half of the room, maybe, no, one third of the room, the bed, you couldn't fit three beds in there, but you'd have to kind of cut the beds up into bits, you know, but you could probably fit three, maybe two and a half single beds,

maybe, anyway, I never tried, I was never that bored, so I had the bed in there, and when I first moved in here, there was no, I was supposed to move in on a Monday, got the keys, I think on a Friday, and I was supposed to move in on a Monday, that was the date that I was supposed to move in, so, unless I got the keys on a Monday, and then I was supposed to move in on a Monday, I don't remember, I've got the details somewhere, I've still got all that contract, everything

still somewhere, and so I came in here, and the first thing I realized, because I didn't know at the time, because when I actually viewed the flat, it was daylight, it was April, it was bright, it was early in the morning, about half nine, well, when I first moved in here, when I moved in, I realized there was no electricity, there was no gas, so I couldn't move in, I come during the day, and, you know, do stuff, and I did a bit, my dad helped me, and his wife did a bit of decorating, and

stuff like that, but I, yeah, my dad brought some stuff with my names, so I kind of inherited some stuff, a table, which is still there, which I'm keeping forever, two chairs, and a little shelf, which I still use, and TV stand, I've got a nice TV stand, and they're all kind of the same, I think they're kind of the same design, yeah, so that gave me some furniture in the living room, as well as my chair, and my book, well, I didn't have many books then, but they were just sort of in bags, I

think I put them into the storage room, because there's some shelves in the storage room, but in the bedroom, there's nothing, it was just my bed, my dad and my stepmom put in some curtains in each room, net curtains, and, you know, my dad put up a mirror, put up a bathroom cabinet, some towel racks, coat rack as well, so he did loads of stuff, checked all the electrics, in fact, he couldn't do that, could he, to start with, no, I had to, so I had to phone up, it's really annoying, because I didn't want

to do it, and my dad said, you've got to do it, and I didn't want to do even more, because he told me I had to, but I knew I had to, because I had to get the electric and gas on, so I couldn't live without the electric and gas, because it was still cold, and I still needed, I needed the heating on, and I needed to be able to cook, and, you know, see things, so, you know, I phoned up the electric, and there was an outstanding bill, they wanted me to pay it, I

didn't know, how ridiculous, they said, well, we'll send you, okay, we'll clear that then, and we'll send you a pay-as-you-go, because it was a pay-as-you-go meter, both on the electric and the gas, okay, that's someone that probably didn't pay their bills, got put onto a pay-as-you-go, I've been there, and I know, well, I know that they're a rip-off, the pay-as-you-go, if someone's, if someone's, you know, had a bill in the past that didn't pay, they'll get that money from the, from the meter, they'll just add it on, okay, so a few times I've ended up

paying off someone else's debt, I put £10 on, and straight away, you may be only getting £7 of that for yourself, so I put up with that for probably a couple of months, got the electric and gas on, my dad checked the electrics to make sure everything was fine, and yeah, over the time, got a new carpet in here, the first week I got, in fact, I think I got some of that stuff before the electric was even on, got the cooker, new cooker, new fridge, washing machine, all from PC World, or, I don't know,

um, PC World, whatever the name is, that kind of thing, I stuck two, two shops in one now, so I've got all those three delivered, I mean, that's expensive as well, washing machine was £350, I think the cooker was about £100, £150, maybe more, and the fridge was about, maybe £80, £100, and then the carpet was over £600, £600, so it was just, yeah, it's an expensive little journey, it was, and, and then I got my bed, that was another about £350, big king-size bed, oh, I was so happy, and that was the thing, I

think out of all the things, other than having my own flat, the things that I enjoyed most was having a washing machine, you know, never ever having to go to a laundry again, plus there's not one anywhere near here, so having my own washing machine, and having my own bed, a nice big bed, the room's big enough for a big bed, my room's big enough for a big bed and a big shed, which is quite cool, and my bed, I love my bed, I lovey, lovey, lovey it, still, even now, I've had it at, what,

five years, and then I basically ran out of money, I just had no money left, it was just, that was everything gone, it's an expensive period, and I managed to, there was a charity that gave me a wardrobe and a set of drawers, I've still got a set of drawers, I don't have the wardrobe anymore, I gave that away to someone else, because I didn't need it anymore, because I've got these coat racks on the wall, where I can hang stuff up, the reason for that is because of Andre, he just kept getting into the

wardrobe and doing all kinds of weird things, he used to knock it open in order to wake me up, so he'd be laying on his back, and he'd just push the door open and let it slam, and push that open again, let it slam, and I'd watch him sometimes, and he'd stop and look to see if I was awake yet, and then he'd continue doing it, little monkey he is, little monkey, and then my friend downstairs, who I'd only kind of just met, he, the charity, also gave me a three, a three-seater settee, but they

couldn't fit it into the living room, they couldn't fit it into the flat in fact, they took the doors off, everything, could not fit it in, and, you know, there's nothing I could do about that, and I said, no, it's okay, you know what I mean, it's like, I really appreciate you trying, it's, it's a nice set, a nice sofa as well, and my friend downstairs says, oh, I've got a sofa you can have, so he just gave me a sofa, so I was, and that became Andre's play thing, his little den, but not for

a few months, so I had that in probably May, might be in April, but it might be in May, so May, June, July, August, so I had it for four months before Andre destroyed it completely, and yeah, so that was, that was quite cool, and then someone bought me a chair, I'm not sure what time of the year it was, but it was maybe August, September, five years ago, one of my listeners, or fans, I'm seeing a weird saying the word fans, one of my worshippers, and bought me a chair, which is the one I've

got there, that's worn out, but hey, it's lasted five, well, technically it's lasted five years, it's been on its last legs for about a year, but it was fine for quite a while, but yeah, it's had a lot of wear and tear, my big old bum sitting in it, so yes, I've got that, and then I've got some, I thought I bought six bookcases, it was our special offer on, this was probably later in the year, in fact, might be a year after, so I bought six bookcases, I've only got four now, so I gave,

yeah, I gave two away, I gave the settee away, because somebody wanted it, and I just, I don't know, I just, because Andre had ruined it really, but it was okay to sit in, just, you know, I just never sat in it, so I just said someone needed a new settee, I thought it was a new neighbor somewhere, I said yeah, you can have this one if you want, so they did, and with the electric and gas, I got a little bit fed up with having to travel into town to get the electric and gas

topped up on the cars, and having to go outside, and all this stuff to sort of, to top it up, so I thought, no, so I phoned them up and said, you know, you're gonna have to change them over to bills, don't wanna, don't want pay-as-you-go anymore, I want bills, you're gonna have to do a credit check, I said if you want your money, it's gonna be a bill, they said we're gonna have to do a check, credit check, I said yeah, okay, okay, and yeah, so the last four years, at least, I've had bills,

I get the electric and gas bill every single month, of course, winter, it's more than in the summer, way, well, it's pretty steep in the winter, but it's all right, water bill, that comes every three months, all the other bills, direct debit, I'm trying to think what else I did, I ended up getting another freezer for my kitchen, so that was good, I'm glad I did that, I was put off of doing it, someone I spoke to and he said, no, you don't want that, I realized that I shouldn't learn this by now, people sometimes

say stuff like that, but they don't care, they're not going to think about the conversation once it's finished, they're just talking from their own perspective, and this is a perspective of someone that never cooks, doesn't do anything for themselves, so actually, I do need a freezer, I need a freezer that I can get into easier, so I don't have to bend down so far, because I've got a lot of back issues, and you know, just generally, it's not the only reason, but I think part of it, I mean, I'd quite like to have a massive

fridge, I can't, you know, it's practically not possible, unless I had it in the storage room, and that would be possible, that yeah, I could definitely do it there, but I think having a fridge in the kitchen is a much better idea, because that's where you need a fridge, isn't it?

I'd like to have a big one, simply because I've never had a big fridge, usually had to share, I've been able to share a big fridge with people, but usually it's a small fridge that I've shared with people, and a small fridge is not big enough, I mean, when I was in the Buddhist center, in the Buddhist community, there was one, two, three, four, five people sharing a small fridge, seriously, a small fridge, eventually they did get a big fridge, but that was just before I moved out, wow, yeah, wow, five years, well, longer, isn't it?

Five years, April, May, June, July, August, May, June, July, August, it's basically five years and four months, I was only, I was only about 23 at the time, yeah, I loved a place like this, when I was in my 20s, you know, early 20s, going to work, if I had somewhere like this to come home to, you know, very, very low rent, you know, I'd have been better off than I'd ever been, I'm saying that though, I've lived in, you know, I'd have been better off, maybe not financially, because most of the rooms I lived

in, there was no bills, you know, there's no council tax, no electric, no gas, no water, nothing like that, some occasionally had electric, I moved into one room that had no heating at all, totally true, no heating, and this wasn't back in the 90s, this was 2004, I moved into this room, no heating, no, no, it's like, surely that's illegal, isn't it?

I mean, I had to check to see if there was a roof there, because it's got no heat in this, is there a floor?

But it was really strange, and I got, I had to get a couple of heaters, and put them, oh yeah, and I had to pay an electric bill for that particular room, I had to phone up the electric company, and phenomenal, this really, really had its own electric meter for that room, and I think there was electric meters downstairs in the hallway, and, and it was bills as well, so it was bills, I was paying just for that one room in the winter, to keep it warm, I was lit, and honestly, it was dangerous, I

shouldn't have done it, but I was having to leave the heater on while I was at work, so I'd come home at lunchtime, because I was just around the corner from work, it was really ideal placed in the sense of that, but I'd come home, I'd turn the heater on, and then I'd leave it on until I got back, otherwise I'd be coming back to a freezing cold room, that would take absolutely ages to warm up, it's very hard to warm up a really absolutely, you know, you know, if you only get back from a

holiday, you've been on holiday, and you get back, and that there's been no heat in the house for maybe two weeks, takes a while to get a, you know, a bit of warmth in there, and, yeah, and the room was full of books, hundreds of books, I didn't really, I wasn't doing it to sort of be dangerous, I just, I wasn't there for very long, and after the fire out, I had to move out, no, but, yeah, I only had one winter there, it was ridiculous, like, whoa, come on, I mean, surely there's some kind

of heating system that can be, how can you rent a room out without any heating?

It doesn't even seem, that explains why nearly everyone there was drinking heavily, just to, probably to try and keep themselves warm. I used to go to bed in, well, skis, stressed up to go skiing, it's hard to turn over when you've got skis on, yeah, but it's not true, it's easy if your legs are on, if your feet are at the other end, when I first moved in there, I bought a futon, thinking I was being all trendy, I forgot that actually, a little bit of comfort is necessary for sleeping, yeah, the more comfort the better, really, anyway, I've waffled on enough, I do believe, thank you very much for listening, remember, remember, remember to be kind to yourself, because you deserve to be happy not so long.