#465 Let me bore you to sleep

Hello and welcome to jasonnewland.com My name is Jason Newland Oh, red gas. This is... Let me bore you to sleep. Please only listen, you can safely close your eyes.

Oh, just looking at my bank account, seeing what money's gone out. See on the first of the month, first of every month, I have a bunch of stuff go out of my account, you know, set up direct debits. So, the first one is the internet, which is £27.

Then I've got SkyMobile, which is for the phone and for the iPad, £67. Then I've got... TV license, £13.26. And normally, normally have the... It's not called the poll tax, is it? Council tax, is it? Council tax. Which is about £17, I think, a month.

Because I get a discount on it. So I've not had that £17. This is really boring, I know, but I... It's supposed to be.

I haven't had £17 taken out of my account. I know it's the third of August as we speak. But the first of August is Saturday and they don't do stuff at the weekends so they took the money out on Monday today.

So, yeah. So that's quite good. I got a letter through yesterday, or no, I think it was Thursday or Friday, telling me that the government has sent out a hardship fund for everyone in my situation and has paid £150 towards the council tax.

So it kind of came out of the blue. I didn't expect that to happen. So I think it might be people that live in council houses or... I don't know.

I'm not really sure. And they're not giving the money to the people. They're not saying, here's a cheque for £150.

They've sent the money to the council tax people, which is part of the government. They sent the money to themselves. So I don't know what that is.

How does that work out? Let's have a look. Here's my calculator. £150 divided by, let's say, 18.

So it's over eight months. So eight months without having to pay council tax. It's not bad.

Or without them taking it. So, yeah. I'll have to tell them what I've got.

I've got very much what I've got in the bank. I have £48.09. I'd like to share. It's good to share.

So I want to say thank you to... Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Let's say thank you.

I want to say thank you to everybody in the whole wide world. But a special thank you to... I already have thanked these people. These people.

These people. Mary, Mari, I think, Mari, Viola and Naomi. Thank you very much for your PayPal gifts.

It's very kind of you. And I've already thanked you all individually via email. Thank you.

Really appreciate it. And what other messages do I have that I can... I've got a message from someone called Christelle. I think she said hi, hola.

How is that? Oh, I got a message from Naomi. Hi, because I said thank you for this. Hi, Jason.

No, thank you. While I don't think that I am bored to sleep, you certainly help turn off the overthinking part of my brain every night. I have giggled in the middle of the night rather than stress over stuff I need to do.

I hope it helps as much as you have helped me. Lots of love, back at you, Naomi. So thank you, Naomi.

And I'm going to put thank you just on shout out. Shout out to you on latest recording. Oh, so hi, Naomi.

I got a message. Okay, I got a message from Mary. Mary, I think it is.

Hi, Jason. Hope you're fine. Could you email me your address so I can send you a birthday card if you're 21st.

Laughter. We put a big laughter face there. I'm 21.

Blimey. 50. Who would have thought? Who would have thought it? Meow.

Meow. Meow. I don't know why I'm doing that.

I'll stop. Just seeing if I've got any other messages that are useful at all. I was going to do a live Facebook page broadcast on my 50th.

But I've had a couple of people say they probably wouldn't be able to be there. I don't know. I'll see how I feel.

Yeah, see how I feel. It depends. It depends on how I feel.

You know. If you don't know me by now, you'll probably get to know me in the future. If you stick around, if you don't know me by now, you might never get to know me.

So yeah, that's it. I think that's all the messages. I haven't... I guess maybe I haven't been that active the last few days.

I don't know. No, that's not the one. That's not the one.

I can't even spell my own name. That's it. It's J-A-S-M.

So the latest recording was 31st... I did quite a few near the end of the month, but I haven't done anything pretty much. I did one on the 1st of August, which was Saturday. So it's only been two days.

And I'll be honest with you, I don't like... you know, I don't like being honest. It's not one of my favourite things. I like to lie.

Lying is much more fun. But I haven't felt very motivated the last few days for some reason. I might be going through a midlife crisis.

It is possible. I've been trying to figure it out, because all I've been doing is laying in bed, get out for a few hours and go back to bed. I've been trying to listen to, you know, audiobooks and do a bit of reading and stuff.

But... oh, wow. I think there's definitely a lack of physical movement on my part that I'm going to address. Definitely, I've actually put things in place to address this.

I need to get out more. I need to walk. Not just with Andre, because when I walk with Andre, it's a very slow speed, unless he decides to run, which he does sometimes, but it's not that often.

Quite often it's me waiting for him to, you know, rub himself over every single blade of grass that he can. So it's not exercise for me. It's exercise for him, I guess, because he does, considering how little his legs is, you know, he is walking quite quickly.

So I'm not prepared to go to the gym, simply because I don't think it's a good environment to go to. Yeah, I don't feel safe going to a gym. So I'm not going to sign up with a gym, even though I keep getting bombarded with emails.

Sign up, free membership. Yeah, but you still want £13 a month, don't you? Or £14 a month? Yeah, but it's free. You haven't got to pay to join.

Yeah, but you want £14 now, don't you? For the month? Yeah, but that's not the point. It's like, no, I'm not going to join a service that could just close again any minute. There's no way, you know, so I'm not doing that.

The gym in town is the one to join if I did, you know, because it's bigger, it's big, lots of space, but still wouldn't feel like it's a good idea to do that. But the small gym, which is just not far from where I live, that 20 minute walk, it's just really tiny. I mean, you could fit the whole gym probably in my flat.

That's not even an exaggeration. You probably could fit the entire gym in my flat. That's including the bathroom, kitchen, storage room, everything.

You know, it's quite, it's like a hotel, so it's not a proper, it is a proper gym. It's even got a punch bag and it's a swimming pool. You couldn't fit a swimming pool in my flat.

That's separate. And the hotel is separate as well. And the reception and the toilets.

In fact, the showers are probably bigger than the actual gym. Not each individual shower, because that would be some massive shower nozzle to run around to get wet. So yeah, I would consider going back there in the future.

But that's what's quite expensive. That's about 40 pound a month. And I just don't have that money.

So they got a special, I think it's like 19 pound a month. If you go between one and three weekdays, like it's a two hour slot. I think that's a bit cheeky to charge someone 20 quid a month and say you can only come you know, for two hours.

It just seems a bit like going into a restaurant, isn't it? So you can only sit at that table, only on that chair. And you can only eat this meal off of this plate. Between seven and nine.

I don't know. It's nothing like that at all, is it? But that's what I decided I'm going to do. I'm going to start walking to the shops.

Or rather hiking to the shops, like acquire a decent pace. And I'm going to start doing that possibly tomorrow, or the day after, or November, I don't know, sometime soon. And that's my plan.

It's not a very exciting plan, but it will mean that my body will be moving. I will be moving my legs and my torso, you know, my toes and my arms. Blood will be pumping through my body.

And so just waiting for action, you know, waiting for the... I'm sure my blood's just waiting there, like, we don't need to go into the legs, the legs aren't doing anything. Yeah, but you still need to pump in there, you know, just to keep everything fresh, so you don't fall off. Yeah, I need to go.

I think my, I think my blood is lazier than me. My blood is lazier than me. I have lazy blood.

Wow, I've diagnosed myself. Lazy blood. So that's my plan.

And what I think I'm doing is walking up to the supermarket, which is about six miles away. Get in a few bits, you know, just basic, a few bits, maybe spend £5, £10 or whatever, just get a few bits and go there every, every day. Just get a few little bits every day.

Got a loaf of bread, although I suppose if I'd like to lose some weight, which I think I quite would like to actually now, is cut out bread. And just stick to, I think, eating more chocolate. I've heard that that's good for you.

I'm not sure. I don't, I'm not sure. Because I thought, well, if I stopped eating bread with chocolate inside, perhaps just eat the chocolate without the bread.

I don't, when I was in a chip shop, someone came in, they said, two different people, both made me laugh. I had this, I can't remember if it was a man or a woman, it was a human anyway, definitely human. It was a person, I mean, I'm not saying that I didn't look human, I'm saying it was a person.

So, you know, I can't, it's 30 odd years ago, don't, don't, don't trust me. 35 years, 34 years ago, 34 years ago. Anyway, stop judging me.

34 years ago, and someone came in, I was the other side of the counter, because that was the best place to serve from. That's where all the chips were and the fish and everything. And this person said, yeah, I'd like to have two burgers.

Two burgers, one sausage, a large portion of chips. And now the, I don't know if you know what chips are there, it's the proper name for fries. Although fries are a lot thinner.

So, you know, chips, I don't know if, what do you call them in other countries? Because here fries are called fries, but that's because of McDonald's. No, but they're thin. Like, in some ways, nicer, really, in some ways.

Anyway, that's not the point of the story. The point of the story is, and this person asked for, no, they weren't, didn't have a parrot on the shoulder, no. Right, so they've got two burgers, one battered sausage, that's it, one battered sausage, but not a small sausage, a big, large jumbo sausage, a large portion of chips, some mushy peas, and a gherkin.

Because if you had these jars, I think you had a pickle, egg, and gherkin, three different jars. So she had a gherkin. And I said, is there anything else you'd like? It's kind of been humorous because there was no food left.

And he or she said, yeah, I'll have a diet coke, please. I find, I mean, I was 15, I found that hilarious. And in them days, I couldn't hide my laughter.

I didn't have the social skills to be able to hide my laughter. So I was laughing in his or her face. Again, I don't know if it was a man or woman.

Hard to tell. I don't know if it was. It probably looked like me, probably.

Not it, him or her. But I found it funny that they were asking for a diet coke, just the word diet. I know that some people drink diet coke because they prefer the taste.

I know now, I didn't at the time. I've never drunk diet coke in my life. I was skinny as anything.

I've never ever had anything with the word diet in it. And you could say, well, you're not skinny now. Why don't you start? I still haven't had anything with the word diet in it.

I tried the sugar free coke and it was, this is my personal opinion. So I don't really want the Coca Cola company suing me. In fact, this Coca Cola shouldn't sue me because I think I've given them a lot of money over the years.

I've been an avid fan of Coca Cola since I was a kid. I was pretty drunk. Thousands and thousands and thousands of cans of coke.

Wow, that's all I'm going to be remembered for. Well, I'll tell you about one of my most favorite cans of coke I ever had. I'll tell you in a minute.

I totally forgot about this, but I'll tell you. So I had some of this. I think it was free.

Yeah, it was given to me free. That's when it was first launched. And someone gave it to me free.

I have a can of coke. Oh, I love someone. I was quite aroused.

I couldn't read the words. I could read the word sugar and the next three letters of the next word. I could understand the word free and I could understand the word sugar, but to put them together, I just didn't register.

And then I tasted it. I think for anybody that drinks coke because they've got a sugar tooth or sweet tooth, which I think is probably the case for me. I'm guessing coke's the only thing they're going to drink.

Pepsi. Pepsi's got a nice taste, but it's not coke. You know, coke's, it's different.

But Pepsi is, I think it's probably a little bit to me, and it's not the same, but it is the same. But it's not, but it is similar, similar. McDonald's, Burger King, coke, Pepsi.

One's at the top of the table. One's, you know, a long way below it. But the one after that is a million miles away.

So it's, you know, McDonald's is the top. Burger King is nowhere near this, you know, it's nowhere near McDonald's, but it's still massive. It's not in the same league.

It's different, but it tastes different. In some ways it tastes better. It depends what you're looking for.

Coke. And what am I talking about Coca-Cola for? Pepsi. See, when I worked at my last job, in the insurance company, they didn't sell coke, only sold Pepsi.

And that annoys me, which I'll tell you why. Because they choose what they sell. And the only reason they, and I know this because I've worked in bars and nightclubs, the only reason that they sell Pepsi is because Pepsi do a deal with them.

A deal so they're not allowed to sell anything else in their machine. They give discounts or contract or whatever it is. That's how they work.

I did that at my friend's nightclub, came in, Pepsi came in and said, oh, we can do this. You want to sell Pepsi? And my friend who owned the club said, yeah, you can do that. They said, in that case, you're going to have to take all of the Coke taps out.

You're not going to be able to sell Coke anymore, only Pepsi. See, I'm not sure if this is true or not. I might be making it up.

Sounds quite realistic. Might have seen it in a movie once. And my friend said, no, I'll sell whatever I want.

And they didn't like it. And the simple fact is any bar, pub, club, go to the off-license and buy bowls or cans of Coke or anything and sell it in their premises. But what they were trying to do is get them on tap, you know.

And it never tastes the same anyway. See, I didn't realize, I didn't realize until I worked in a pub. That was when I was 18.

I've worked in one, two, three, three bars or three places, got behind the bar. I nearly worked. I've got to stop doing that because I have to edit that out.

It's loud. I nearly worked in one place, but I didn't turn up. Um, yeah, I, what is that on there? There's some weird sounds in the distance, like wow.

Anyway, I, what was I going to say? Yeah, with the Coke, for some reason, this is what I used to think, the Coke would be like a can or a bottle, but just like a really big version. That's not. I mean, probably most people listen to this would know.

It's just basically a soda stream. It's the same process as a soda stream. You've got the treacle, you put it in, you add water, and then you fizz the water up.

That's it. Soda stream. Except for soda stream, you get lots of different flavors.

And I don't think they do. They might do, but I don't think they do Coca-Cola version. They might do Coke, but not like Cola, but not Coca-Cola.

But that's what is a Coke-Cola is this box with a bag of treacle inside, basically, like treacly liquid stuff. And it doesn't taste the same as a can of Coke or a bottle of Coke. And a plastic bottle of Coke doesn't taste as good as a can of Coke.

And possibly a bottle of Coke, like a proper bottle-bottle glass, some would say that tastes better than out of a can. I'm kind of, I don't know. But out of a plastic bottle doesn't taste the same for me.

Or bottle, but that is the best way to drink it if you're out, you know, if you want to put the lid back on. But Pepsi, Pepsi Max is okay. I haven't had Pepsi Max for years.

I used to have one bottle every, I think it's every lunchtime, I'd buy a bottle. I'd make it last the afternoon, you know, just as a drink. Well, it's not going to be as a flying carpet, is it? It's going to be as a drink.

Because that's what it was. Are you not going to balance it on your head or juggle? No, I'm just going to drink it. Oh, you missed the juggling version of you.

Yeah, sure. And I, it was okay, but this wasn't Coke. I could have brought a bottle of Coke in with me.

Maybe I did sometimes, I can't remember. Well, that seems like a lifetime away, working in that call center. And apart from some voluntary stuff that I've done, it was the last, it was definitely the last paid job I had.

It's been six years now. Wow. Wow.

Wow. Wow. Wow.

Wow. Wow. Wow.

Wow. Wow. Wow.

Wow. Wow. Wow.

Wow. Wow. Wow.

Wow. How's my ankle, did you hear that? Everyone does the same. No, it doesn't.

So I, one of my favorite cans of Coke I ever had, oh, there's another story. Someone came into the chip shop. It's kind of the same thing, really.

And this lady, I think it was a lady this time, I'm not sure, it doesn't matter. And she came in and she asked for, pretty sure she wanted four burgers and chips, one big portion of chips and four burgers, quarter pounders, but without the buns, because she was on a diet. Because bread's no good for you, it's not good for, if you want to lose weight, you've got to stop eating bread, she said.

Now, I thought she was joking, because that's something that I would have said. Oh, you know, by all this unhealthy food, so no salad on my diet, or no bread, you know. But then she started going on about, which I didn't know at the time, that bread was no good for you, really.

And especially if you want to lose weight, if you keep cutting out that stuff, and you can lose weight, it's like, yeah, but you've got 43 burgers. And we've just basically emptied a whole, a whole bag of potatoes into that basket for you to carry around. She had a wheelbarrow of her, she had a wheelbarrow full of food, chips and burgers.

It's very clean, though, a bit greasy. And I said to her, I said, what's the wheelbarrow for? She said, oh, I normally carry around compost with it. I said, but you just put loads of chips in there.

She said, yeah, but look, the more chips you put in, the cleaner it is. I said, what do you mean? She said, first of all, all the chips and the burgers on top are actually rested on a thick layer of chips, nowhere near the compost. She had a point.

It was a good point there. I said to her, I said, I'll go give it to you, that's a good point. And I had to go on a date.

And I didn't, and I just couldn't handle the rejection. So I just did not, didn't even bother attempting. She said, and I said, what do you do with the chips then? What do you do with them all? Because at the end of the night, when we chuck stuff out, you know, that's a lot of stuff.

And she said, it's easy. I said, how, what? She said, what I do is I eat the burgers as I walk down the road to the end of town. I said, okay.

She said, sometimes I sit down on a chair. Well, you know, one of the benches. Well, it was a chair for her, but you know, it was, it was a bench.

And she said, we, okay, that's not really what I'm asking you, but okay, carry on then. So you eat the burgers before you get to the end of town. She said, yeah.

I said, okay, well, okay. She said, then what I do is before I get to the hill that leads down to the seafront, I eat as many chips as I can. I said, okay.

Then what? She said, well, then I go to lay down and go to sleep. I said, yeah, that's not really answering the question about what do you do with the rest of the chips? She says, I've been to the seagulls. And I said, oh, okay.

That makes sense. Then she started looking at me puzzled. So what's wrong? I said, well, I was hoping it's going to be a funny ending to the story, but it just seems to be quite sensible and, you know, obvious really.

It makes sense what you said. I think it's very clever. She said, thank you.

I'm glad I can entertain you. I'm not here to amuse you, you know. She huffed and she puffed and she fell over.

So my favorite can of coke, I didn't name it. I mean, it's not like it wasn't a pet. I didn't keep it in a cage.

It was my favorite can of coke. I was at, where was I? I think, yeah, now I know it was 100%. It was at school.

And it was at my high school. And there was a fete there. And we had all kinds of stuff there.

We had a big field. There was a fete with just trying to think, you know, stuff where you could dunk people, you know, you could knock over stuff and just, you know, general fete kind of stuff you have at fetes. Probably not much in the way of mechanical, I was going to say chainsaws, but that wouldn't be the right word.

Dodgems or that kind of stuff. But it was nice. Really hot day, really hot day.

And my teacher had me helping out. I enjoyed it. I like to do stuff.

I like to, I'm not really one for interacting. I'd rather be helping to organize or to be, to be, I don't know what the right word is. For example, rather than go to a comedy club, I'd rather work there.

Even if I didn't get paid, I'd rather just be there, help letting people in, taking their money, or maybe just showing people to the seats, just to be part of the club rather than to be part of the audience. And then to be the audience and watch the show as well. Because I, you know, I'd like to do that.

And then maybe at the end, clear the tables up and, you know, whatever. That for me is more enjoyable than going into a club and sitting down. And I don't know, I like to be part of it rather than to be, rather than to be a spectator, I want to be involved.

But not necessarily, I suppose if it was a football match, I'm not really into football, but if I was, I'd want to be involved, not necessarily as a footballer, although that'd be brilliant if I was any good at football, but I wasn't. But even if it was on the level of just sweeping up, you know, just looking after people, you know, during the actual before and after, we've got during, and I can watch the match, but also have a purpose to what I'm doing, why I'm there. To just be an audience, not just, but for me to be an audience member is, it's just not something that I ever really felt comfortable in.

It's weird, isn't it? I don't know why that is. I've always felt that I want to be part of something. At the moment, I'm not part of anything.

I'm part of this, and I've created this. So I'm part of something that I've created. And sometimes it's nice to be part of something that someone else has created, and also where there's other people involved, because this is solitary.

And let's have a drink of a Coca Cola. Yeah, I wonder what that's about. I don't know.

I do like to... Yeah, I reckon, if this was kind of a bigger enterprise, you know, this was like some kind of social enterprise scheme, what I'm doing, to go on to a bigger level, got people perhaps volunteering to do marketing, and people that I would see, you know, regularly. Or, you know, even turn it into a business, and there's people involved, then I think I'd quite enjoy that. I think.

I'm not sure about being the boss, though. I'd have to be the boss. Because my thing, isn't it? Oh, that's a weird noise.

So my friend just knocked on my door. So I just had to put on pause for a couple of seconds there. He came up with a couple of sandals on.

I'm all out of breath running around. That's why I need to do more exercise as well. Or some exercise, some exercise, not even more.

But I did do some weights today. Which is weird, because I haven't got the weights on the floor. I haven't touched them for ages.

So I think I want to start doing a bit more weights. I can't use the punch bag now, because I've got new neighbours, and I don't want to disturb them. And since most of this year, since my last neighbour no longer lived here, in the end of January, I could pretty much have a go on the punch bag any time of the day.

I didn't do it at night, because I didn't want to disturb other people. But during the day, my only neighbour is, there's only one neighbour that's directly attached to me. There are four other flats in my building.

And there's also other flats connected to this building as well. And it's quite close proximity. So they might be connected to each other, but I don't know.

I hear the punch bag, but not, I'm not going to be loud. Especially while I punch, when I punch at my hardest, I should get in like this little squeak, like, this is me punching a punch bag. That's the hardest punch.

If I punch really hard twice, you have to give me breath, you know, between, just to give me breath back after I put all the energy into the first one. So yeah, ideal situation would be a soundproofed environment where I could, so that I didn't disturb anyone. That's what's more important to me really, is that I could be able to just, just really go for the punch bag and punch it and everything, just not disturb anyone.

I don't want to disturb people. That's really important to me. But I miss punching my bag.

And what I've done over the last probably six months, I've learned to punch without gloves, without any punch bag gloves, or any wraps or anything. And so I've kind of changed, I've conditioned my hands over time, so I can really punch my hardest punches, because generally, I feel a punch bag, you can punch the punch bag without gloves on, but you don't punch your hardest punches. When you've got the gloves on, you can really punch, you know, it looks more impressive.

Or I managed to get to the point where I could do that without the gloves. But now I kind of miss it. I miss it, I do.

My little Gertrude. I'll tell you about that, Vera. I took a picture of him earlier.

Did anyone actually message or anything? Did anyone actually even see the picture? I don't think they did. I posted a picture. There's a picture of me in bed.

There's my foot. I think he didn't, it wasn't a very good example of what the picture was. It was my foot and Andre was asleep on the bed.

And I was asleep. Clearly I wasn't asleep when I took the picture. But because I've been sleeping quite a bit.

You can see in the picture is light, you know, it's daytime. And he's asleep on the bed. He's spending more time on bed on the bed with me than he has done for ages.

He's even pushed stuff to the back of the bed and made like a little step ladder, so he can get up easily. I don't know how he did it. He'll push stuff together and get up.

He's like a little ladder, seriously. And he just goes to sleep. Sometimes he cuddles up to my leg.

Occasionally he cuddles up to me a little bit. He likes his space. He likes, you see, if you look at the picture.

It's on my Facebook page. He's now scratching at the door. That's my ending.

When he does that, it's the one thing, it's one of the one things that are really annoying me about him. Because personally, I don't care. For me, doesn't doesn't affect me.

But I don't want him to be disturbing neighbours. I don't want that. I really don't.

I just don't. And it puts me in a position, he puts me in a position where I feel like I'm going to have to put him into his cage. And I don't want to do that.

He's now on the black chair, the big black squeaky dirty chair. And now he's on to the, oh no, now he's going to get on to the table. He's got to the other chair now.

He's been breathing normally. If he can, he'll get on to the table and then I'll have to. I don't think he's quite in reach.

Look. He almost squeaked when he jumped off the chair. And the chair is like probably four times, four times his height when he's just, you know, standing up normally.

That's how far the chair was off the ground. Shut up. Shut up.

We both sneezed at the same time earlier. You know, when I actually came out of my mouth, those words, shut up, it didn't sound quite as interesting as I thought it would do. It was weird that we both literally sneezed at the same time.

And I thought, oh dear. Because we have both caught colds at the same time before. And this is not the time.

This is not the proper year to be getting colds. So I'm hoping, it might, it could be the hay fever. Don't know, dear.

It does seem like he could be the only ferret in the world that suffers from hay fever. And claustrophobia just strikes and he'd be the only ferret in the whole world that's ever done that. You know, he's born to live in fields and in holes.

That's one of my little fantasies. Talk about holes. One of my fantasies is to have, it doesn't have to be a big garden, but you know, if we're going to go big, we might want to go big, the size of a field, but away from anywhere else, you know, completely secluded with a house and everything at the front of it.

And to have, to have it completely blocked in so that the ferrets can't get out, but have it so they could live in the field. To organize it so it's got fences or concrete fence, I don't know, something, but give them loads of room to play in. And then just introduce lots of new ferrets, baby ones that he can raise.

And I'd feed them so they wouldn't have to catch any animals or anything like that, but chances are living in a field, it could end up being, I suppose other animals might end up burrowing in there and stuff, but I'd like to do this so that nothing else can get in there. Just so it's, the, you know, the foundations are really deep and the field was sort of, went underneath the field so nothing can get in or out, but they have loads of space, loads of space. And then, I don't know, I just think it'd be just so cool.

Like ferret land, Andre's ferret land, Andre land, Andre new lands, ferret land, or something like that. And have him as the daddy. So it'd be named after him.

He'll be the king of the castle. I'll be his dirty rascal. And, and just get lots of children.

And they grow up so quick anyway, so they're not going to be little babies for long. You know, after a few months, they've grown, got bigger. So he'd be in charge of them.

He'd be the daddy. They'd all respect him. But at the same time, I think they'd also look after him as well.

They would need to look after him, but, and also I would give them the full reign of the house. So they'd have these little rabbit, not rabbit, ferret flaps. Ferret flaps, it sounds like some really weird movie of mine.

And that's, you know, like, like cat flaps, but for ferrets. And I guess I'd have to have it so that, yeah, I'd have to have it so cats couldn't get in there. But to be fair, we're talking they could, it may be 50 to 100 ferrets there.

So a cat wouldn't even, they'd have to be a bit silly to even enter. Because if they attacked one, one ferret, the rest of them would just get onto it. So very vicious.

What do they want to be? Do you, do you, do you want to, want to, want to, want to? And there's foxes, of course, foxes are a lot bigger. And one on one, that's already a fair fight, but I'm sure a fox wouldn't want a bunch of fat ferrets attacking him. Because they do, oh man, I've seen what, even how dogs react to him.

It really goes for him, bites them on their legs, bites them on their nose. So really, because dogs, dogs generally just, they don't, they don't want to be hurt. Most dogs are quite gentle creatures.

Not all, obviously, but quite lazy as well. But cats, cats will, you know, wait for hours and hours to, to fulfil its goal, or whatever that is. Very patient.

Dogs are not patient, apart from the ones that are. I think I actually saw something the other day, it was oh, poporaneum, poporaneum, popomanium, poporaneum, pamperanium, those dogs. I was going to get one before I got Andre.

And I kind of wish I had, I don't regret getting him, obviously, but I just, I don't know, it was a similar thing, because this little dog, I visited this dog at the shelter, animal shelter, and I was going to adopt him. He was only a little baby, you know, study, a little baby, a little low, wasn't very old. And I think the, I think his mother was, I think his mother was rescued, or taken away from an elderly lady that couldn't, couldn't look after them anymore.

Or the baby's just been born in them, and the lady couldn't handle it, I'm not sure. And out of my eye, I was at this idea that's based on fantasy. It's based on what I've seen in movies or TV, where you go into a rescue place, and there's the dog wagging his tail, all excited to see you.

That's the one you pick. There might be like six dogs, little puppies, but you pick the one that comes to you, because you, you then know that that's the one that, you know what I mean, there's like an instant connection. Well, that didn't happen with this Pomeranian.

I visited him twice. The first time, I think he nearly, he went to bite me, didn't want anything to do with me. I'm like, I've come all the way to see you.

The second time, I took him for a walk, I took my friend with me, and I took him for a walk around, because there's like this big farm, yard, thing that had more than just didn't just have dogs, had all kinds of animals. And he didn't want to know. He literally didn't want anything to do with me, didn't like me.

And for that reason, I kind of, I fed him to St. Bernard. That's what I did. I fed him.

I, I just, I didn't really feel a connection with him, because he just didn't, wasn't interested. And I found that unusual, just because I've never met a puppy that didn't like me. I never met a puppy that didn't like everybody, if I'm honest.

Usually they're really, you know, and I thought, you know what, there's one thing dating, spending 30 years dating different women that don't like me. I'm not going to start doing that with puppies. Not dating puppies, but you know, I want to, I want a puppy that loves me.

The reality is, he would have probably fallen in love with me, you know, Vin. He's scratching the door again. Scratching the door.

It's really, I don't know if you can hear that. But if anyone does complain, I'm not answering the door. I can't stop him.

What am I supposed to do? There's something wrong with him, honestly. He's just, he's almost in a frenzy. And he's eating twice a day as well.

Come here, mate. Why are you being like that? He's been eating. Normally he has one packet of wet food, cat food, which is like meat with gravy.

He has one packet at about seven o'clock in the evening. And then he's also got his dry food that he eats. For the last three or four days, he's been having two packets of wet food.

One in the morning and one in the evening. He eats a lot. Plus he eats the dry food as well.

It's usually the other way around in the summer. That's not hard to be fair at the moment. In the summer, he normally eats less.

Sometimes I used to get worried when I first got him. I think the first summer he was with me, he just wasn't eating his food, sometimes days on end. He used to eat the dry food, but he'd hardly eat the wet food.

Or he'd eat a bit of it. He'd always have a little bit, but he wouldn't eat much. And he seems to have gone the opposite way.

I don't understand it. As I said, he's had two packets of food, twice the amount he only has already today. And he's not getting any more food until probably another seven or eight hours.

Which means he'll be eating dry food during the night. He just wants to go outside. That's what I'm talking about, what I'd like to have a field.

Andre's ferret land. Andre Newland's ferret land. And he'd love it.

He'd have all these little babies. They'd be like five, six weeks old. They'd be old enough to eat on their own and stuff.

But it'd just be such a joy to watch them all. And they'd be giving him a run around and he'd be picking them up. I saw his uncle when he was a baby with his little brother.

And they kept picking them up, putting them into the cage. And now again, being naughty, they'd pick them up, put them into the cage, telling them off, biting them, just enough so they could be known, so they could take the hint. They never hurt each other.

It looks like they are, but they never do. I'd love to see what he's like as a daddy. Just to see what he's like.

And I'd have to keep an eye on him the whole time to make sure that he was behaving and he didn't get out of order. He wasn't a bully or anything. But I don't think he's got that in him.

He's just too gentle. But he'd love it. And then, I mean, you could even, if it was a big enough thing, maybe have two or three fields and have it as a, I don't know, a visitor place, places where people can come and visit.

Ferret land, where there's literally hundreds and hundreds of ferrets doing whatever the hell they want to do. And it'd be like monkeys. You know when you go to places where there's monkeys just running around? That's what it'd be like, because they'd be coming up to you, sniffing your feet.

They'd all be... I'd handle all of them right from the get-go. So there'd be no biters, there'd be no vicious ones. They'd all be gentle, just like he is.

And wouldn't they? Yes, they would. And perhaps you might have to get them done, you know, heck at them. But then, you know, I'd have a vet that would look after them all.

It'd be beautiful, man. That's like a little dream. But if I do do this, I have to do it within the next few years, because he's five years old now, and I cover his ears up now.

Ten is a good amount of time, you know, ten. So he's possibly half, like me, halfway through our lives. So I'd like to... I'd love to do that for him, just to see how much fun... Also, I'd like to test... I'm wondering, because I've got this little idea that if he got loose in the field, and he got away, I wouldn't see him again.

I know that. But I don't think that would be through choice. I think he would wander off, he'd get lost, he'd be having such a good time smelling everything, maybe chasing things and digging, and then it'd become night time, and he'd start getting hungry, and he'd start thinking of me, like, oh, where's my daddy? Why hasn't he come back to collect me from school? You know, whatever goes in his mind.

And that would be the bit that just that would, you know, the idea of that just doesn't feel right. But if he, if he was in the garden, which was a big field, I wonder if he would come in every night and spend time with me, or if he'd completely just be off with all his all his ferret friends and his family there, or if he'd remember that I was his daddy. And I'd still wake up and he'd be on my bed.

Or I'd wake up and there'd be 150 ferrets on my bed. That would be weird. Although, God, can you imagine the videos? That's like, there's no one in the world's done anything like that.

I don't think so. There might be ferret worlds, like ferret lands around the world, like people can go and visit and there's hundreds of ferrets running around. There probably is, I've just not researched.

How cool would that be? Man, I'd love it. I'd absolutely love it. Just to have him, just have it as a house, just my home.

And then my kids and feed them. Probably spend a couple of hours a day and make sure they're okay. But you know, nothing more than that.

Just let them do what they want to do. And play with them for a couple of hours and make sure I handle all of them. Make sure I give them all baths, you know.

Maybe, I suppose, there's that many. I just have to give one a bath every day. Do one bath a day for one, and then the next one, something else.

So I eventually make sure they're all bathed. Anyway, or I could get a little paddling pool and let them all just bathe themselves. Like a pond or something, because they probably would.

If I had a pond there, they'd be in and out swimming and everything. That's natural for them. I think, okay, it might just be an Andre thing, but my experience with ferrets so far is, my experience with two now, with my friends one as well, is they do not like to do what we want them to do.

They want to do what they want all the time. Sounds almost human, doesn't it? Anyway, I'm going to go. Oh yeah, my best can of coke I ever had was at this fete, and I was really hot on the truncate.

That was the whole story. It was nice, and it was cold. I drank it all in one go, because I was so hot.

And yeah, then I got home and got moaned at because one of the tires on my bike was buckled. Well, I wasn't even here. I had a nice can of coke though.

You don't want to hear about that. I'm not sure if that happened, but anyway, I'm going to go. Thank you.

Thank you very much for listening. Remember to be kind to yourself because you deserve to be happy. Lots of love.

Bye.