#458 Let me bore you to sleep -THERE'S A FERRET IN MY KITCHEN, WHAT AM I GONNA DO? (23rd July 2020)

Hello and welcome to jasonnewland.com. My name is Jason Newland and this is Let Me Bore You to Sleep. Please only listen and you can safely close your eyes. Did you hear that? That's my tummy rumbling.

It's 10.30 and Andre is scratching at the front door. It's 10.35 in the evening on Thursday the 23rd of July 2020 and he's already been out. He's already been out for a walk and he's never satisfied.

Never satisfied, seriously. He's never had, even if I walk, well he walks me really, even if we travel deep into the fields, now he's, it's date night isn't it, again with the slipper on the other side of the room. How much noise can you make? He spends so much time being absolutely quiet asleep but then whenever I do something that's it, suddenly he's awake.

Anyway, now about how far he walks, even when he gets to the point where he can't walk anymore, then I have to carry him. And I carry him all the way home. He still wants to go out again, sometimes immediately.

I do sometimes think that he'd be happy to be out all the time and when he wants to go to sleep, climb into my jacket. Or into a bag or something, he'd be happy doing that and then when he wants to get out, he gets out. That would be his ideal life I think.

But I'm not just going to walk around the streets all day just for him to be, well, that'd be boring for him as well surely. So it does distract me when he's doing that. You know, I spent, last night, yesterday's recording, I spent about an hour and a half editing it.

I can't believe it, so it really was about an hour and a half editing the recording. And that's without him doing stuff. It's just the odd sound, the odd click, the odd, just distortion sometimes.

And I try and leave him in, because I know some people like to hear him, so I leave him in, unless he's doing something particularly annoying, which is most of the time. It's been another quiet day on the podcast front. Yesterday, I only had just under 4,000.

Today, so far, just over 3,000. Wow. There's only three hours left before the stats are completed.

I only made one recording today, so, or yesterday. Yesterday? Yeah. No.

Yeah. He does. He's annoying me.

But the good thing is, he's definitely back. He's running, he's brilliant. The way he bounces up and down as he runs, it's beautiful to watch.

He's got so much energy. I mean, today, he's been sleeping in a bed with me. That's been nice as well.

It's quite nice when he does that. So, as I said yesterday, I was doing, I started learning how to use the, oh, what can I get the name? The name of the thing doesn't actually come up when I, I'm ridiculous. It's called Twisted Wave.

The editing software for the audio. So I've been learning how to use that. And I'll tell you what's good.

But at the same time, it just, I think because, okay, I've got a pencil for the iPad, and I can enlarge the file of audio. So you can see on screen and stuff, peaks and troughs, you know, it's just like, it's like any recording. If you see the recording on the screen, you see it, you know, you probably know what I mean.

If you don't, then I'm not quite sure how to explain it. But anyway, it's, you know, it's an image. And what I do is I enlarge it, which makes it just a lot longer, not longer, sort of lengthwise, but longer as in being able to sort of get into the nooks and crannies, the little small pieces.

And because I'm using a pen, it's more specifics. It's, it's almost easier to edit now. But it's taking longer because now I'm, usually I skip big bits.

I can generally, on this one, it's different. But with the Audacity, I could see where there was an issue. Like there was a particular, I can see where there's a particular loud bit, like a little bit excited and all.

Just then, I think, because I've got a gauge on the tablet that I'm recording this on. And it's green, and then it goes into yellow, and then it goes into red. And I was supposed to keep it within the green.

But sometimes it does go into the yellow, never goes into the red. I never allow that. But, just then when I say but, and I'm not constantly looking at the, at the leveller, because I don't want to, you can't make me.

Don't have to do it. Don't have to. Because I'm looking at other stuff, maybe watching Andre or looking at the screen on the tablet or on the phone, or on the iPad to research things.

But with Audacity, I could find stuff like, I kind of got used to the different, might sound weird, but yeah. So just then, I'll probably edit that out, there was a big click. And it was either from the camera drink or the bottle of water, which is just next to the microphone.

We don't put them so close to the microphone then. Yeah, it's not bright close to the microphone. But it's, you know, it's close-ish.

Because I need to be able to have access to drinks when I'm talking. Sometimes I'll press pause when I take a drink. Sometimes I will just have a drink.

Just really, really depends. So, so I'm getting to use this, you know, getting, I'm not used to using Twisted Wave Editor, because I've only just started using it. But after spending an hour and a half doing something, I kind of started to get used to it a bit.

My tummy's rumbling still. I just eat as well. So I don't know why.

Or maybe that's why. It's just my food is digesting my stomach. Or my stomach, yeah.

Maybe the other way around. And one of the good things with the Twisted Wave is I've got headphones. They're wireless, but the ones that plug into your ears, which connect to Apple really easily, which means I can hear better.

Because I'm editing it. I don't like to have the volume of anything high when I'm here, because I think of the neighbours. And one of my biggest, one of my biggest concerns on a daily basis is to not disturb the neighbours.

And that is important to me. Like, I'm not even joking about it. It's really important.

And it doesn't mean I'm not disturbing them at times, because I probably am. I'd go out of my way not to. So Andre, on the other hand, does not give two figs.

He doesn't get any scratches at the door, jumps around, bangs around, bangs against the, I bet he said letterbox then. I do have a letterbox, but not a postbox. He can't reach the letterbox.

He bangs against the radiator, which they're all connected, aren't they, to the building. And so yeah, but me personally, I'm tiptoeing around. He makes more noise when he walks than I do.

And I'm like 100 kilos, and he's probably two kilos, kilo, kilo and a half, I don't know. You know, he's, I don't know. How much would a little ferret weigh? Two kilos, so that'd be two bags of sugar, not one bag.

I'll pick him up and he's practically weightless. He doesn't really feel like he weighs anything. But with the headphones, it really sounds good.

And I can have it up loud. I can hear every tiny little sound. And I can then remove it, replace it or, you know, gloss over it so it's not heard.

So I'm quite pleased. But in a way, if I'm honest, it's put me off making new recordings because of the work involved. I don't mind the work.

I suppose I've just not been very motivated the last couple of weeks, generally. So it's not really about that. But knowing that if, you know, I'm going to be making recordings and then editing on a much better level than I had before.

I mean, you might not even notice it. You might think, that's something I can't do anything about. You know, when I'm talking and my stomach's going, I can't do anything about that with my equipment.

Now, there might be ways of doing, there probably are ways of changing that. We're professionals, we know how to, I don't know. But I don't know how to.

So it's either leave it in the recording or delete it. And I had one bit, I don't know if it was yesterday or the day before, where there was a whole chunk of dialogue. And I think it was in my stomach or there was a train or something happening exactly at the same time as me talking.

So I had to delete about 15 seconds worth of talking in order to then, you know, link the last bit, the last sentence to the next sentence, so that it kind of made sense. And that's something that I wouldn't normally do. And what I found, see that's weird, what I found is when I was doing it, the focus, it's quite intense focus, not stressful, but just really focused.

Because, you know, you've got your headphones in, you're listening, you've got the thing on the screen, which you can change, you can maneuver, you can change, you can stop, you can erase, all that stuff, just with a few clicks of the pen, the pencil. At the same time, having the volume up, so you can hear everything. It's actually quite fun.

I'm almost a bit embarrassed to say it. I quite like it. But at the same time, I don't have, I don't have time to do that.

I don't think to that level. If I'm going to be making more recordings, if I make four recordings a day, and let's say spending, let's say three hours recording, for the sake of just saying three hours recording. So for that three hours of recording, the editing is going to take at least, let's say an hour and a half for each hour.

So that's three, three, four and a half hours, plus three hours, that's seven and a half hours, just to make three hours worth of recording. With the editing as well, that's without all the uploading, sharing, making an image and all that stuff. That really takes a huge amount of time.

And then adding it to the website, building a new page, uploading. So I can't upload. This is really weird.

I can do the file, edit it, make the file on my iPad, but I can't upload it on my iPad. I have to use the tablet to upload it. I've got a different tablet that I've got.

So I basically need both the tablet and the iPad in order to do this, something that I was able to do on a laptop, all in one place. But I can do it at a higher level than I was before. And also I haven't got the buzzing of the laptop.

You know, just, wow. So the tablet's good to, you know, they are silent, which is nice. So that's it.

I had a few messages, messages I had. I had a nice, nice message. Diamond Lang on my website.

Five star review. It says metrics. Okay, thank you.

I had another one by Reggie Conroy saying quantifying. So yeah, that's good. Thank you.

But then I had a proper one from Rebecca Flores, and she left this. It's a public review, so anyone can see it. It's a five star review for the product, self-help bulk downloads.

Simply the greatest is the headline. It can be extremely difficult to find a good therapist, and even more so one you can build a good rapport with. Jason is an instantly likable person between his wit, knowledge, wisdom, and genuine desire to help.

It's hard not to keep his, it's not to keep him, his as your go-to when stressed. His voice is at a perfect tempo. Melodic.

I should have said melodic. Hypnotic. His enunciation is impeccable.

Impeccable. He also seems unlimited where computer editing is concerned. Yeah, right.

So that last stuff, I think that was really making fun of my editing skills. But anyway, thank you. Thank you, Rebecca.

That's very nice. Or Becca. Thank you.

So that was a nice message. Just to let you know, just to remind you, there's a scam going about, and it's basically, the headline of it is BACS Payment Confirmation. B-A-C-S in capitals, Payment Confirmation.

I've been getting two or three of those a day now. What they want you to do is click on the image, and I guess go to the website so they can get your details or something. I didn't go too much into it, but basically BACS is back transfer, bank transfer, bank account transfer or something.

This is how people get paid at work, you know, through the BACS system, where the company puts the money into the bank, then it gets transferred into different people's bank accounts and stuff. That's just for those that don't know what it is. And those that do know what it is, it's none of those things that make it up.

A couple more other things. There is YouTube. YouTube Studio.

Let's have a look. Comments. Hypnosis for tinnitus.

Someone, Amelia Baldwin says, this is on the YouTube channel. This is very good. Don't know why you haven't had more likes.

Thank you very much. Thank you, Amelia. I've got a message for Zainab and Patty.

This is for the number 123. Let me put you to sleep. 3rd of April 2019.

Wow, that's a long time ago. This is genius. Thank you.

I agree. It is pretty amazing. Friendy Toad five days ago said, why don't you use a free website? I did cover that a few days ago.

Yeah. I got one a few days ago for the number 166 relaxation hypnosis for stress, hand squeeze stress relief technique. And it is positive and healthy says, it was perfect.

Kiss, kiss. I would love to see more videos like this. Well, thank you.

Just got a lot of messages from Uncle. What's his name? Brian. How many messages? It's Uncle Sebastian, AKA Hubert.

Shit man, which is what he goes under on YouTube. I've got one for number 413. Let me put you to sleep.

29th of May 2020. I just, this is from Paul Greco or Greco. I just discovered these videos.

They really helped me to get to sleep. So boring. Uh-huh.

So thank you, Paul. I'm glad it's helping. That's why I'm doing it.

So I do a few shows. Friendly Toad three weeks ago. This was for sleep hypnosis weekly, number 46, deep relax and sleep.

1st of July 2020. This is great. I love the background music, super relaxing.

Hey Jason, if you want to make some cash, how about sending me a pair of your boxer shorts? I'll give you £2.50. Wow. It doesn't say that. So Jason, if you want to make some cash, just try to join up with a relaxation app, something like Calm or Headspace.

Maybe they might take on some of your relaxation hypnosis and pay you for it. Oh, that's an idea. I don't know how it would go about that.

I've got a few others. Cutter Kite wrote, just bought a Bluetooth speaker, so I can listen to these audios at night. Cheers.

I'm terrible with YouTube, but thanks. Thank you for that. And Cutter Kite actually, I'll go to his YouTube channel.

Come on, let me go to his YouTube channel. Ridiculous. Come on.

Okay. I'll go to it here. Cutter Kite.

Here we go. So what happened is when I lost my YouTube channel and I kind of gave up on YouTube, this is a couple of years back, Cutter Kite actually opened a new channel in his name and he posted three of my videos on there. And it was really nice of him.

So hypnosis, natural deep sleep is your birthright. So two, two and a half thousand views. So maybe that's what will happen in the future.

I mean, more other people are putting this stuff on as well. Who's that? Other people. Yeah, that's quite a few different people put stuff on.

Because I've got, if I put my name in, this is boring, isn't it? That's good though. That's good. So are there other YouTube channels? There are, honestly.

JC Newland. So JC Newland. Why is it just coming up with mine? There's more, my videos in other places as well.

It winds me up, it does. Come on. Jason Newland.

No, it's only coming up with my one. Okay, that's fine. It doesn't really matter.

And yeah, it's quite weird. Not weird, but people, even though it had cut a kite, yeah, what isn't me, have posted some of my videos on there. People have still been posting messages saying, hope you're well.

Happy New Year and stuff like that, even though it's not me. It is me, you know. You know what? Do you know me? Do you care? Are you bothered? I'm not bothered.

No. Oh, here it is. So I have found Jason, Jason.

Now, most of them are going to be me, but they're going to be on my channel. But there are some that are not on my channel. I know this for a fact, because I found some, it was a good year or two ago.

Oh. So it's been a quiet day. Haven't really had much in the way of messages or comments.

A few comments on the video with lovely, just nice, nice messages. In fact, I should read them out. Can't believe how many videos I've got.

Ridiculous. And the fact is, I've not really been making many videos like on screen, hardly all for at least the last three years. The two years, pretty much solid, but at least the last three years, hardly made any videos of me on screen.

Come on, let's go. Oh yeah, that's it. I found some.

Steve Rimmer. What seven day curing song, of course, is on there. That's Steve Rimmer.

What other ones? Oh yeah, the Idini 76. That was my New Year's Eve interview, New Year's New Year's interview with Idini. That was a year ago, over a year ago.

What other ones are there? I know there was some, but who knows, they might not be there anymore. People might have to come off. I once had, this might surprise you, I once had a woman in Australia, I was Steve Rimmer again.

I had this person in Australia, I made a video, Slegg and me on. She looks drunk out of her head, with some friends, and just making fun of me. This was about 10 years ago.

I'm like, wow. And I think she even opened up a new YouTube channel just to post it. Do you think I should start making some YouTube videos? It's a lot of, I don't know, it seems to be a bit of pressure though to do that.

Also, if you look and you're thinking, he's still wearing the same, he's still, he's still wearing the same clothes from five years ago, but somehow they seem to have shrunk on him. Either that or he's got bigger. Yeah, I've got a lot of tops, I seem to have got smaller.

Jason, not annoying, but I see people, the hippotists have kind of stuck around, they've got so many, so many subscribers, and I think I've got 443. And I think maybe the only way to actually get any kind of proper subscribers amount is to, it's probably to either do some good ones with graphics videos, or just to make some videos of me talking. And then I've got to deal with people saying things about how I look, which is, you know, it's not always the most enjoyable.

I'm just watching, I'm not watching it, I'm just seeing this video. Oh, this, this person is watching a, what, they're filming, so they're watching a hippo video on YouTube, and their eyes are closing. Anyway, so should we have a look at these? This is a very chilled out episode, isn't it? Very, very calm.

I mean, it's not supposed to be other than calm, really. But it, oh, shush. I tried to get rid of that, that thing, where, oh, great.

So I've gone into my Facebook page on my iPad, and it says, manage your shop on desktop. At this time, you can only update your inventory on a desktop computer. So the iPad isn't allowing me to actually go in and see my stuff.

Or it's not allowing me to change stuff, I don't know. Allows me to do it on my phone. How strange.

In that case, I'm going to look at my phone. So I've got a new message. Okay, so this is basically reactions to my video.

I posted about Andre. 282 views. That's quite nice.

Okay, so there's no messages on there. All right, I've already read some of these out. Andre, shush.

So the comments are Eleanor says, Oh my goodness, I love this. Look at him go. Brenda says, Look, looks like he's doing pretty good.

Thank you, Eleanor and Brenda. Juju says, He is so flippin cute. I know I am.

Thank you. And James McCar- Martin Marla says, Gene Sheldon. And I'm laughing.

So I'm not quite sure. And then Kerry says, Yay, well done, Andre. So thank you to, as I say, I like to that one as well.

So thank you to all of you. And it's very nice. And I actually, stop it.

Stop, stop, stop. This isn't working for me. This phone.

I can't believe it. I know I shouldn't get excited at such small numbers, but even video of Andre with my shopping that I got on last week, last Wednesday. And it's got 309 views.

I actually got a delivery today. Was it today? Or was it Wednesday? Yesterday, I got a delivery. But it was, it wasn't in bags.

Because I'd run out of bags, which meant I had to go into the basket, because there's three or four baskets the lady had. I'd sort of keep bending over and picking the stuff up, which ain't great for my back, if I'm honest. Because my lower back's problematic.

And if the stuff's in bags, then I can, you know, I can grab more stuff. And also, if it's in bags, Andre's interested because he loves bags. So if you came around here, and you sat down, provided you had something on your feet.

So if you had sandals on, he'd be going for your toes. Or if you were just wearing socks, he'd be going for your feet. As long as you have shoes on or slippers, then he'd go for your back.

Feet first. Always, always for him. Feet first.

I'm a bit like that, but it's not a thing. It's bag first. Bag second rather.

But bag first if the feet are covered for him. He loves bags. It doesn't matter if it's, I'm getting excited myself talking about it.

It's something, I think I like seeing him do it, because I haven't had many people up here. I've had a few women over the years, usually in a professional capacity. And that sounds wrong, doesn't it? Like a social worker, you know, stuff like that.

And a few couple of friends and kind of a girlfriend. At one point, he just, my two girlfriends, and he just loved the bags, just getting into the bags. I had one person stayed over for a while.

I had a suitcase with her. And I think he was trying to get into the suitcase to sort of sneak out. And she left.

Seriously, he just loved it. He stole one of her bras, still got it. He stole, he did, wasn't me.

He did, genuinely. He stole it and hid it out of her suitcase. It's like a little perv.

It's a little perv. I mean, obviously, I said thank you to him afterwards. You know, thanks, Andre.

That's amazing. That's that, you know, weird. Thank you.

Forget it. Let's look at the messages. Why did it make that stupid noise? I don't want it to make that noise.

Okay, so let me just have a look at the notifications. Everything's clicking. If I turn it off, maybe that'll stop it.

Yeah, it stops it. Good. So I turned it on to mute.

Gee, Jason, you mean by turning it on to mute, it stopped the sounds? Wow. I can't believe you came up with that idea. Yeah, shut up.

Leave me alone. Oh, by the way, Alexa. I'm saying quietly, Alexa.

If you ask her a question, and sometimes she goes on a bit. I can relate. I can relate to that.

But sometimes like, you know, what is whatever? Oh, well, this is and starts to go on about reading out an article from Wikipedia. You haven't got to say, Alexa, stop, or Alexa, you can say, Alexa, shut up. And it stops.

It's real. It's true. And what I've noticed is she no longer asks, it doesn't answer strange questions.

I sometimes ask her, she loves me. And last time I did it, she said, I like you as a friend. Now, she says, I don't have human emotion.

I don't understand them yet. And then I asked her a few personal questions, and she didn't even respond. Nothing.

Apparently, every question you ever ask Alexa is recorded and sent into Amazon or whoever is in charge of the Alexa thing. They must have some weird questions because I've asked, when I first got the Alexa, last year, I was asking some of the weirdest things ever. Now, I think she's there now, to be fair.

It's, I don't have, don't have Amazon Music anymore. Which means I can't ask for specific songs to be played. But I find iTunes to be much better than Amazon Music.

Because really, Andre, it's really to make that much noise. Now, it's going into the bathroom, just to check that there's no one in there. Then it's going to go into the kitchen to check there's no one in there.

Then they go into the bedroom to check that no one's in there. Probably scratch at the front door, sniff at the storage room. And then come in, back in here, and probably scratch at this door before coming in.

Why he's pushing the bathroom door just to make it squeak, I don't know, unless that's the reason he's doing it. And then we'll come in here, probably run to my feet. He's still pushing the door, making it squeak.

He never does that. He's purposely doing it, honestly. I don't know why.

Now, he'll run up to me, look at me as if he wants me to pick him up. I'll go to pick him up and run away. He's having a drink of water now.

Yeah, he's run up to me. So I'm going to go and pick him up, see what he does. Hello? He ran away.

Genuinely, that's what he just did. He just ran up to me, looked at me, stood there, and I bent down. He just ran away.

Why? Why? I don't get it. I really don't. I had a couple of really weird dreams lately.

Trying to think of what the dream was now. Oh yeah, I had a dream where I was... I think I might have mentioned it by another weird dream, but this was yesterday, I think. I dreamt that I was living back with my old landlady from the early 90s.

Oh yeah, but instead of being the place it was, we... Really, Andre? You can't keep quiet for one... You know, as soon as I finish recording, he'll be asleep, probably for hours. Now he's licking himself. Can't even do that quietly.

Andre, if you keep scratching, I'm going to have to get the brush out to give you a brush to see, make sure everybody flees. Don't want that again. If he has, it's his fault.

Well, it's not his fault, really, but you know, I'm just doing my job. Adults do blame their kids for, you know, it's your fault. All partners do that, don't they? It's your fault.

We love to blame, you know, we're humans. It's your fault. He loves to get really deep into plants and flowers and stuff, probably where hedgehogs live.

And hedgehogs are covered in fleas, aren't they? So he's just like, probably, it might be where he got them last time. And he doesn't, he just stays in there sometimes for five minutes at a time, rolling around, just, I'm sure he goes to sleep sometimes. And I said, why are you, why are you climbing in the middle of some flowers in order to go to sleep? And quick as a flash, oh yeah, well, I thought he'd make a change from listening to your boring voice.

So rude. So hopefully he hasn't got any of that stuff, but if he has, he's going to have to wait till next week. I'll get some, I'll have to get what it was I had, what stuff I have to use.

You have to contact the vets. And what would be good, actually, is if I can find out what the shelf life is on that stuff and try and get something bulk, just to sort of keep me going for the next year or two. Not me, him.

Why, I'm going to have to probably edit out what just happened there. I had to press pause because some people are fighting in the garden. Yay, brilliant.

Council estate. It's almost like a council estate cliche. Sometimes when that stuff happens and it happens, it doesn't happen that often now, but I've went through periods when there's pretty weird stuff happening around it.

And then I started behaving myself. And when it does happen, I start thinking, oh, the only way I'm ever going to get out of here is if I start earning some money. I mean, I like my flat.

I'd like to move it somewhere else, though. That's it, Andre, make a bit more noise. You know, there's no point editing this at all, is there? He's made, I'll go back to that specific time when the people outside swearing at each other and stuff.

But he's made so much noise, there's no point in me even trying to edit. I'm just going to in and out, fade in, fade out, and that's it. I'm not even going to attempt to edit it, there's no point.

Because he's made so much noise all the way through. It's kind of funny, but you know. In fact, that tube that he now climbs into is now making more noise now with that than he did before.

Anyway, the noise, the argued people are coming back, so I'm going to stop. Take care of yourselves. Bye.