#422 Let me bore you to sleep - Jason Newland (7th June 2020)

Hello and welcome to Jason Newland dot com. My name's Jason Newland. This is Let Me Bore You to Sleep.

Please only listen when you can safely close your eyes. Oh, I'm a bit tired. What's the time? No wonder it's three o'clock in the morning.

It's 2.59 but nearly three. It's a bit chilly. So the heating's on.

But when the heating comes on it's a bit too hot. It's kind of a bit weird really. You know, it's June and I haven't had the heating on hardly at all for quite a while.

But you know, I'm not going to sit here and be cold. I don't want to need it. I'll put it on.

Is it summer yet? Is it summer? I don't know. Anyway, I've been playing around with my website and just messing around with it and adding stuff, changing stuff, and just seeing how things would look if it was a business. I just did a section.

One section I changed. I embedded a player which you could only listen to if you became a subscriber and stuff like that. So yeah, I've undone it all but I just wanted to see what it looked like, how it would work.

And it works really well. But I've decided just to put everything back as normal. But you know, it's something to think about for the future.

I've also put all the podcasts back to normal so there's no adverts anymore. I just wanted to test it out. I wanted to see what revenue I could get coming in from the adverts.

And based on, that's not a huge amount of days, but about five days, I could have between three to four hundred dollars a month coming in from the adverts. That's just an advert at the podcast episode. But I've taken that off.

The playlists are now again, they're in the menu. So the playlists for the four main podcasts, continuous play, no ads, but they don't have any ads anyway now. But continuous play, so that they're all on there.

And yeah, that's kind of all sort of back to normal. Occasionally I've got to check this stuff out just to see where I am with this. Because, you know, just for the future.

For the future. So I hope you're all well. I've made a couple of changes as well to the website, as well as that.

So everything's back to how it was. So each recording could all be downloaded for free. You can stream it for free without any adverts.

So that's all cool. In the menu, I've added my Amazon wishlist. Oh, it's still asking for stuff.

Does he never ask? He keeps begging, beg, beg, beg, beg all the time. No, I'm not begging. Just letting you know my Amazon wishlist.

And trust me, when you see the wishlist, you're not going to be, you're not going to be excited. It's a very, it's only two items on the wishlist that will give me any kind of pleasure, really. And that's the, some biscuits and some Jaffa Cakes.

The rest is just stuff. So this is my Amazon wishlist, which you can, if you would like to help me out and stuff, bear in mind, I can't really get out to shops. I live in the sticks.

So it's difficult to, why I actually, I've not been to a supermarket for probably two months. And so I'm just having to get stuff from the corner shop or from the local shop in the garage. And quite often they don't have much stuff in there.

But anyway, the things that are on my wishlist, Jordan's Country Crisp with Sunripe Strawberries, I was going to say Tomatoes. It's just basically breakfast cereal. And the next one is Andrex Classic Clean Toilet Tissue, 48 toilet rolls.

See, I told you it was exciting. I've got Flash, oh my goodness, Flash Bathroom Spray, a pack of 10. Domestos Original Thick Bleach, a pack of nine.

Dove Beauty Cream Bar, basically bars of soap, a pack of 12. Buxton Still Natural Water, a pack of six. And 20 pairs of white cotton gloves, which is what I've now been using every time I go out.

I'll wear the gloves. So they don't last long. I kind of wear them through really after a couple of, well, basically what I do is if I wear them a couple of times, maybe three times if I just take Andre out for a walk.

But if I go to the garage or to a shop, anywhere where there's a lot of public people touching the door handles, stuff like that, I'll wear them once and chuck them away. So I've still got about 10 pairs left. I've got through about 10 pairs.

And the next thing is Garnier Miscela Face Wipes, sensitive skin. So I use a face wipe twice a day, as well as sort of washing my face when I have a bath and that. It's just, you know, just trying to take care of my skin, I guess.

And then there's the McVitie's Twin Pack Jaffa Cakes. That's the most important one on the list, because it's yummy. Then there's the Lotus Biscoff Original Caramelized Biscuit.

And the reason I like them is because my nan loved them. And just reminds me of her. It's weird, isn't it? A biscuit reminded by her.

Most people have happy memories and maybe look at photographs. I just eat a biscuit. Can you hear him running around? What do you want? He's annoying.

He's being annoying again. Let me tell you about him in a minute, honestly, what he's been up to. I've also got Nescafe Azera Americano Instant Coffee.

I've got Morrison's 10 Thai Handled General Waste Refuse Sacks. I need that actually, because I've only got a couple left. Then there's Tate & Lyle Fair Trade Granulated Sugar, one kilogram.

And lastly, Persil 3-in-1 Non... Oh my goodness. When did I become this person I am now? Wow. Persil 3-in-1 Non-Bio Laundry Detergent.

Washing capsules. It's like a big pack. So that's it.

That's my wish list. That's all I want in the whole world. Do I want a Ferrari or a yacht? Nope.

I just want some toilet roll. And some bleach. And some gloves.

And, you know, some bin liners and bags from your bins. Refuge bags. Or refuse... Refuse bags.

Until I started reading it out, I didn't realize how sad this is. It's really sad. Wow.

I love that they say here Amazon got the Andrex Classic Toilet Roll. Five new from 195... What? They got... They're selling... They got... They're new. That's good.

Blimey. And we want secondhand toilet roll. Most of my stuff here is free on Amazon as well.

It's Amazon Prime. So if you're on Amazon Prime, and I'm not sure how it works if you're in another country. Oh man, this is even more boring than I thought it would be.

But anyway, that's what I got. I thought it'd be... Well, I just need to... I need to get myself stocked up and... Blimey. I had a message but I can't see where it is.

Somebody left me a message somewhere. I don't know if I read this one. It's just from Annika.

Keep up the let me boy to sleep. I've been listening through for 12 months and I've managed to wean myself off of my sleepers. Head up if you need a face mask for you and Andre.

I would be more than happy to make them see as I used to work for Blueberry before they closed locally. Blueberry? They make phones, don't they? I had a Burberry. It was a... We used to be able to send texts and stuff.

No? Oh. And so hi. I had another message but I don't know where it is.

Oh, I know where it is. I know where it is. It was on my Facebook page.

Let's have a look. It's from Brad. Hello.

My name is Brad. Hi Brad. This is... He's making fun of my introduction.

Brad, you're making fun of my introduction. It probably is a bit weird me saying hello. My name is Jason Newland.

When a lot of people kind of know who I am, you know, because if you're listening to me regularly, but it's even weirder that I'm thinking it's kind of a professional thing to do. When I'm possibly the least professional person in the world in some ways, you know, but I'll give it a go. I think people can moan about the content but at least they can't moan about the introduction.

It's a very professional introduction. Hello. My name is Jason.

Welcome to jasonnewland.com. And you know what? You wouldn't believe the fact I've been saying that. Andre, will you shut your... He's doing it on purpose. He's eating and he's just sneezing and I've got something to tell you about him.

I fell out of him today. He's a wind up merchant. Anyway, right from the start, so like basically 15 years, pretty much I've been saying, welcome to jasonnewland.com. I used to say welcome to www.jasonnewland.com. Now, I mean, you know, a lot of websites is HTTP or HTTPS.

But so I just say jasonnewland.com. You can find me by just putting my name in to Google. I'm not that difficult to find. But even, not recently, but even like, you know, a couple of years ago, a year ago, people were still saying, I watch your website.

I say it every single time I do a recording and people still don't know what a website is. And I'm wondering whether I just wear people down. So they are really, you know, they're interested at the beginning, then by the end of the recording, they've forgotten everything I said.

I don't know. Anyway, hello, my name is Brad. And this is Cheeky Manu.

I've been listening regularly and hoping you could give a shout out to my girlfriend Lisa. She's taking a counseling course only online due to COVID. She's killing it in addition to taking care of the kids.

She's more appreciated than she realizes. Thanks, Jason. You are as well very much appreciated.

Thanks Brad. But no, I'm not going to give a shout out. Nope.

You can't make me not going to. No. Lisa, congratulations on your counseling course.

And I did a degree in counseling at university. And I was, what was I, 37? 37. Yeah, I just turned 37 when I started it.

And I had my degree by the time I was 40. Although I turned, the course finished before I was 40, but I didn't have the graduation till I think the November. And I was, I was born in August, but because I wasn't born a couple of months just before my graduation.

I was born, you know, three months after the course ended. So technically, our classes, I got my degree before I was 40, even though I didn't actually get the diploma, whatever it's called, until I was 40. This made sense.

I'm sure it made sense at some point. If you didn't know that it was a ferret, you'd think it was like a little pig or something running around, wouldn't you? Like banging around on the carpet. Like a little donkey or something.

What's he doing now? He's ridiculous. I'll tell you how ridiculous he is. Okay.

He's got a whole bowl full of dry food. I want to know what he's, you know what he does sometimes? He takes the dry food and he carries it and he drops it into the bowl of water. Seriously.

And then he pulls it out. Then he lets it soak. And then he pulls it out of the water and then he eats it.

Which is what he just did just then. I don't know if you can hear that in the background, him lapping away at the water. So, he's annoying though.

He is. Oh man. Oh, so yeah.

Happy birthday, Lisa. Was it your birthday? I forget. Yeah, so Brad's saying you're really appreciated more than you realize.

So, yeah. I mean, maybe Brad tell her, don't tell me. But yeah, because you are appreciated.

You know what I was thinking? I know that the NHS in England, I'm talking about, in the UK, there's been a thing where we've been giving the NHS the clap every Thursday at eight. I think the unsung heroes or the heroes that are not recognized are the parents looking after their kids. I mean, just generally anyway, but homeschooling and having a nap all the time.

Honestly, how do you do it? How? And it's amazing. So, I think that you should all give yourself, any parents, you should give yourself a clap because we'll give each other the clap, whatever. It's basically just because it's amazing to be doing that.

Because let's face it, when you have kids, once they go to school, the benefit is you don't have to see them very often. In a way of, you know, you got the school holidays. And it might sound, let's be honest, those listening that have got kids that are school age, how many of you breathe a sigh of relief when September comes and they all go back to school? How many of you think, sit down on that first day to go back to school and just relax in your chair? Just I do notice that in September, my stats go down because less people need to listen to this, to the relaxation stuff.

We don't need any more. Thanks, Jay. They've gone back to school.

But yeah, I did a counseling course. And it was, you know what, I applied to do a master's degree in positive psychology. And I applied to have done that, it would have started in January, this year, just so this year just gone, but we're still in the year, aren't we? But you know, January 2020.

And I got turned down, I got given the finances, but they didn't give it to me. But they agreed to give me the £10,000 that I needed to do the course. And that was all cool.

And I told the university that I'd got that. Get myself comfortable. And then they turned me down.

I've talked about it in the past. So I won't sort of go into details because it's not particularly interesting. Although that was a good thing though, isn't it? If it's boring.

You know, this is the I know I keep saying this and I don't care. Repetition is boring as well, isn't it? But I'm just so lucky I can do a podcast where whichever way people complain, it's a win. Well, not my every way, but you know, in the sense of if so, or not complaining, but if someone says, Oh, this is really entertaining.

Oh, you make me laugh. Some people do say that. It's hard to believe, but some people do.

I say, Oh, you make me giggle. And, you know, you're mildly, mildly humorous, at least once a month, you know, that's kind of compliments. And then someone else might say, Oh, you're so boring.

Yeah, they both tick the boxes. Because the boring is good. Because that's what it's supposed to be.

And if someone actually likes the recording for other reasons, then that's pretty amazing as well. In fact, in some ways, that's more amazing. Because that wasn't the intention.

I wasn't doing this to entertain. I was doing it to be to bore people. Because I used to do vlogs on YouTube and people used to tell me it's really boring.

Which actually annoyed me because I was telling them about my life. And it's, I can't help but fall asleep when you're talking. Okay, so it annoyed me at the time a little bit.

And then a few years later, a couple of years ago, I thought, Oh, maybe there's something in that. Because I did another vlog, just out of Jason Chats vlog on YouTube. And someone said it again.

I fell asleep during that. And it wasn't supposed to be boring. I was telling, you know, again, talking about my life.

And then I thought, Okay, let's give it a go. So let's just see where this goes. Let's give it a go.

And then I thought, what should I call it? And I'm not sure what names I came up with. I wish I kind of, well, actually, I probably, I'll tell you when I decided what to call it was during the first or second recording. Because I would have talked about it then.

That's what I do. I talk about what I might call the podcast during the actual recording. So I don't know what I want to say.

I was about to say I don't know what I decided on. Oh, my goodness. That's ridiculous.

That's one of the most ridiculous things I've ever said ever. Oh, dear. And then wait a minute.

This is number 422. Yeah, I think I must have decided on a name for the podcast by now. I'll tell you what's weird.

I can't get turn this volume off. I was quite surprised. The Let Me Bore You To Sleep, Noed's continuous playlist on my website.

So there's 421 episodes, it says here, because, you know, that's what I've done so far. Guess how much time that is? I'll tell you. 482 hours and 27 minutes.

482 hours. So if you're getting the 27 minutes, 482 hours. And how should I divide that by? So that's an eight hour day divided by eight.

So if you had an eight hour day, and you listen to me for eight hours a day, it would take you over 60 days to listen to me. Eight hours a day for basically two whole months. Or if you want to listen to me continuously, so on that playlist, the continuous play, 24 hours a day for 20 days.

Now that, I do believe, is magical. It's ridiculous, isn't it? Wow. I mean, literally, if you want to listen to me over a year, okay, you'd spend 40 hours a month listening to me, just to listen to everything that I've done so far, which is like 10 hours a week.

Man, that's like a university course. I mean, that's a lot of time. Wow.

I kind of think that's quite, is it exciting? No, it's probably not exciting, but it's mildly interesting in a sense of, well, it clearly seems to interest me for some reason. I don't know why. Let's have a drink.

So I'm glad I got the website back. I had a conversation with someone earlier today, or yesterday, that reminded me of something. Reminded me of, I don't know, just sort of reminded me of why I'm, kind of partly why I'm doing what I'm doing.

That bloody fly. I mean, it's one, two, three, four, four different rooms that fly you're going to. Can't get into the storage room because the door's closed.

Why does it have to fly near me? Or do I really smell that bad? I mean, perhaps if I could get your heart, find another fly, talk to it, learn how to speak fly language, get that fly, to then talk to the other fly and to ask it why it keeps flying near me. But I'd be worried that I might get the message back saying, oh, I thought it was a compost heap. But that's a lot of effort to be insulted, isn't it? To learn a whole new species of language.

So yeah, so I've done that message. I don't know, I don't think there are any other messages. I think, yeah, I still haven't got any others.

If you do have any messages, I'll make a deal. And if you ask me not to, not to read it out, I won't read it out. Or if there's parts of it you don't want me to read out, I won't read out.

How about that? But if you've got any shout outs, want to say hello to anybody, any of that stuff, then cool, man, do it. Do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it. Okay, so here's what happened today, yesterday.

It was raining. That's not the whole story. There's more.

So I go to the garage. Andre's fast asleep. It's basically dull and dark and, you know, it's just, for some reason, yesterday, all day felt like a Sunday.

And I don't know why. Genuinely felt like a Sunday. And I don't have a huge association with Sundays.

I kind of prefer weekdays because they're just, I don't know, just the Sunday, I don't know, just Sunday's a bit of a weird day. I don't know, I've got nothing against it. I'm not prejudiced against it.

I don't want everyone going on a looting and marching and stuff against me. Just, you know, I'm not prejudiced. I don't mind Sundays.

They're fine. Some of my favorite times have been on a Sunday. Easter, Easter used to be good.

Eat Easter, yeah. But that was when I was a kid. I haven't had Easter eggs for years, apart from every day building up to Easter from pretty much January every year.

Apart from that, I don't eat Easter eggs just every day from January to April. It's weird, isn't it? With Easter eggs, they're available pretty much after Christmas. So they're available for months before Easter.

The day after Easter, nothing to be found. It's like they just disappear. I've got a Facebook notification.

That's weird. I don't normally get Facebook notifications. What's my favorite Facebook notification then? James D. Dibb Jr. Just give me lots of thumbs up.

Okay. Hi. Yeah, nowhere to be found.

It's almost like there's this big, big, big buildup. And then everything goes floppy. It's just like Easter's gone, which is weird.

I mean, maybe that would happen at Christmas if it wasn't for Boxing Day. Perhaps that's why we need Boxing Day and that whole week leading up to the New Year's Eve. Because if it wasn't for New Year's Eve, Christmas would pretty much end on Boxing Day, wouldn't it? And if it wasn't for Boxing Day, we'd just have Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, and then it would just be kind of back to normal.

So it's almost planned out quite strategically. So you've got Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, Boxing Day, and then a few days and it's Christmas Eve again. Christmas Eve, New Year's Eve, you know, a week after, four days after Boxing Day or whatever, and then New Year's Day.

And it's just a nice, it's just, it's not great for me because I'm on my own. But you know, if people do sort of celebrate and stuff, it's, I suppose it's quite a nice, well, I have had Christmases in the past. It's just, yeah, it's quite nice because you can kind of bring it to an end.

I think New Year's Day, that's it. New Year, for me, I've always found New Year to be more like New Year's Eve to be a bigger occasion. Because it's, there's that freshness.

It's almost like having a bath, you know. It is a cleansing. And I mean, the only difference between, well, I suppose there are some similarities, because when I have a bath, the neighbors clap and fireworks go off.

So it's quite similar to New Year's Eve. So it's, I don't know, it's kind of, I like the new year, the new possibility, the openness of what could be, you know. I like that.

With Christmas, for me, it's sort of a, it's, yeah, it's not really a thing. It's a period to get through. But New Year's Eve, I don't go out, generally.

I think I had a drink with my friend New Year's Eve last year, or this year, last year. I think I saw New Year's Eve in with him. And normally I just do it on my own.

And I watch telly and then perhaps phone my dad up, you know. But Easter, maybe we need to have an Easter Monday, like some kind of instead of Boxing Day, maybe Wrestling Day, have a Wrestling Day. So Easter Day, Wrestling Day, Easter Eve.

So, you know, the day before, the night before, have an Easter Eve so we could all, I mean, technically, because it's a religious, technically it is a religious festival, isn't it? I forgot about that. And yeah, actually, all the days are kind of made, aren't they? Because you got, is it Shrove Tuesday, isn't it, after Christmas? So the day after Christmas is Pancake Day, I think, no, Easter. So you got the Good Friday.

Thing is, I don't know all the different names. I should really, because I used to, I used to sort of know that stuff. Good Friday, didn't really, couldn't really grasp the idea why it was called Good.

But yeah, anyway, Good Friday. Saturday's got a name as well, isn't it? I mean, Sad Saturday, really. But then Sunday is the, that's when everyone, I guess, in Jerusalem, I don't know, did the Romans eat Easter eggs? I don't know.

I never thought that. I don't even know when Easter eggs, I mean, getting ahold of chocolate, that would have been quite difficult, wouldn't it, back then? Because chocolate, they didn't have supermarkets. Who knows? So I do wonder sometimes, going back to my heritage, I wonder if I'd have been a slave to the Romans.

My ancestors, wonder when the Romans invaded this country, I wonder if I was, I mean, I clearly haven't come from money. So that's the thing is, some people are really quite kind of act a bit posh towards other people in society, as if they're better. When the simple fact is, three, four, 500 years ago, that person wouldn't have survived.

Perhaps. That person, I might have been, who know, I might have been a Roman centurion. Not me, but my ancestors.

And apparently, one of my ancestors, he wanted to be a surgeon, but he couldn't get into medical school because he got the money to pay for it. It's a similar situation to me. But the medical school wouldn't allow him in, apparently.

And he still used to practice, but apparently he used to walk around with his surgical equipment and stuff around East London. I don't know why. That was 100 odd years ago.

I don't really know what happened to him. My uncle Jack. So I took Andre for a walk in the end.

I thought, I'll take him, because he was doing me a disservice. Enough of this. Scratch, scratch, scratch, scratch, scratch.

I went to the garage first though, before that. I've just watched the news. And the newscaster had to do the weather as well.

So he's at, oh man, it's on mute. So he's at the desk. He walked over and he gave the weather.

And as he walked back, I could just see from his body language, like, why do I have to do the weather? I shouldn't have to do the weather. I'm a newsreader. I'm better than this.

He probably has to clean the toilets as well. Anyway, so I went to the garage, got some bits and then I came back and I took Andre out for a walk and I thought, okay, I'll do that. Actually, I laid down and then he was hassling me.

So I took him out. I think that's what happened. So I took him for a walk.

It had been raining. I had no intention of going into the fields, but he did. And the ground looked fairly solid, you know, didn't look too muddy.

I was wrong, but, you know, initially it looked okay. So I thought, okay, he turns right into the field. He's running.

I mean, proper running. And I've got the extension lead and even though it's on full, I'm walking really fast to try and keep up with him. And he's running and he's running and then he stops occasionally to rub himself in a hole.

And basically whenever he sees, he loves holes. If he sees a hole, he's got to get right in there. He's like a ferret.

And then he's running again. He's run, run, run, run, run. But all I thought, I wish I had my phone because I would have filmed it.

And then, yeah, he was still running. And he kept running. Honestly, he must have had so much pent up energy that he was releasing.

And he ran the length of the field really quickly. And then he ran over the bridge and then he turned right. And I thought, I'm not sure about this because I'd never gone that way before.

Then he turned left and then he turned right. And then I realized I was lost. Genuinely, I was lost.

Did not know where I was. Because, again, I'm not being prejudiced, but the fields look very similar. They do look all the same.

I mean, I'm nothing against fields. Some of my best friends are fields. It's just I, you know, these are like farms, fields, farm.

It's just there was no landmarks. And I, oh, you know, I wish I had my phone. I could sort of, you know, just phone someone, but they'd never on me.

But I can imagine the conversation. Well, what can you see? Fields. I can see fields.

Are there any landmarks? Well, there's a tree and then there's another one, another one, and there's fields. Is there anything that isn't a field? The sky, the sky. Hello? Hello? Okay, gone now.

Anyway, I'm walking back. Andre, at this point, is knackered. He doesn't walk from now on.

I literally have to carry him for the next, it's gotta be half an hour. I don't know where I am. I'm trying.

I'm thinking I'm walking backwards. I'm walking back the way I came, surely. And the path's getting muddier.

It's getting more overgrown. So it's no longer a path, really. It's not a well-used walkway, which worried me a little bit.

And then one of the fields, it did look different, but it's still a field. I don't know what it was that was growing in it, but it was nearly as tall as me. And just ahead of me, something came out of there and it was big.

I'm not saying it was a crocodile. I'm just saying it was big. I'm not sure what it was.

It might have been a deer. That is a possibility because apparently deers do sort of hang around there. Or maybe a fox.

But then I started thinking, what if it's a lion? What if it's a lion? Because it was the perfect camouflage for a lion. It was like perfect coloring for a lion. And I'm not lying.

I think it might have been a lion. And I started thinking, oh, this is a bit unfortunate. But you know what? My laziness was stronger than my fear because the idea of walking all the way back compared to facing a lion, there was no contest that I faced a lion.

I just carried on walking and went past the area where this thing had come out and gone back in. I mean, what I say is that it wasn't just standing there growling at me. I wouldn't have just, I would have chucked Andre at him, given him something to eat, and I'd have been up a tree.

To be fair, I would have broken a world record for how quickly anyone's ever run any time, any place ever. Seriously. I've got fat reserves.

You wouldn't believe how fast I can move when I need to. I can break the sound barrier. I don't just mean by farting.

I literally can move. My reflexes are really quick. Sometimes, you know, once every four to five years.

So I thought, you know what, I'd rather get eaten by a lion than walk all the way back. So I just walked through it. I mean, at this point, Andre was, yeah, he was, he'd climbed down because he wanted to get down.

I had to pick him up because, you know, let's face it, he's basically a delicious sandwich, for a fox, probably. So I picked him up, put him inside my jacket, because I ain't nothing going to get to Andre if I'm with him. So, but if he's on the ground, it's, you know, it's a little bit, especially with the extension lead, and the cats have started to, like, cats are so sneaky.

They do try and sneak up on him. And because he's oblivious, because he's not scared of anything. So the cat could, like, grab him from behind and have one hell of a shock if they did.

Because of his jaw, he's got such a strong jaw. But at the same time, you know, I think it's because he's got the same colouring as a rabbit. He's got kind of similar colouring as a rabbit.

And I'm not sure why I said it twice. Wasn't really any point to that, was there? I can't believe it, mate. Listen, it's not even four o'clock.

The birds are out. The birds are already out singing. I love the birds.

I do. I love the sound of birds singing. I suppose I'm not really a naturist person.

I thought about going to it on a naturist holiday. Because you know, I like wildlife and stuff. And I decided not to go.

What's that? Something on TV. And I love this. My dad likes birds as well.

But you know what he did? He moaned at me. Not moaned at me, moaning about the birds. Because he's got a nice big garden.

And he's got it broken up into bits. So it's actually bigger than it is. It almost, it's got like bits that are hidden.

It's, you know, it's quite very clever the way he's done it, all him and his wife. Anyway, a few years ago, and probably I'm talking probably 20 years ago. Anyway, I still remember it.

Actually, we're sitting down. I think we might have been eating toast. And he said, I'll put the bird food out for the twiglets, not twiglets, twilight sparrows, maybe sparrows.

Or the tits. Yeah. I can't believe I missed an opportunity to say tits.

The blue tits. Or maybe the red tits. And he said, I'll put the food out for the sparrows, or the chaffinches.

I used to know my birds. Honestly, I did when I was younger. I really used to, yeah, I used to read bird books and stuff.

Anyway, and he's moaning. He said, but the bloody seagulls keep coming down and eating them, eating the food. And I said to him, Dad, because he was moaning about it.

He kept moaning about it. You know, the wrong birds are eating the food that you put out. And I said, why don't you stick a sign out there? Why don't you put a sign out for the seagulls and tell them that it's not for them? He was not amused.

He was just, I mean, I didn't even, it just came out of my mouth. I didn't even think about it. It's another thing.

My younger brother, he, I did something like something. He came into some money and he gave, because he's got a brother and sister with a different man, that's weird. His mom had another brother, two more kids when my dad and her split up.

And he said, oh yeah, I gave both Billy and Horace, whatever their names are, and a few grand each. And I said to him, wow, I wish I had a brother like you. Because he is my brother and he didn't give me nothing.

Bless his little orange ears. So when I was younger, I used to say things by accident. Oh yes, a woman I was working with, she said, she was moaning because someone kept, I think it might have been in a chip shop or something.

And she said, that man keeps coming, he keeps, he keeps, he asked me out. She was like really disgusted that this man asked her out, thought that he was, that she would go out with him. He said, I can't understand why he thought, why if, if, why he thought that I'd go out with him.

I said, maybe he was drunk. Maybe that's why he asked you out, because he was drunk. Now, I thought that might be a fair, you know, thing that she found it really offensive.

I said, who's, who's to know how someone else will take something? Yeah, I got in trouble a few times over the years. Not now, because I'm, I'm nearly an adult now. How long should I keep doing these, let me boy to sleep recordings for though? Because it's been two and a half years nearly, isn't it? You can't just keep doing them forever.

That'd be weird. You imagine 10 years time. So if I do 10 years outcomes, a calculator, if I do 10 years time, I do an average of one every day, but let's, let's miss 60.

So if I do 300 a year, times by 10, 3000, 3000. I mean, 3000 plus what I've already done, 3,400. Wow.

That means there'll be, I mean, each recording a minimum of pretty much of an hour. Some are a lot longer. So I'll have at least 4000 hours worth of me talking 4000 hours, which means it would take you 96 days or 24 hours a day to listen.

Or that's not right, is it? Did I say 4000 hours times by 24, 4,000 hours divided by 24. Is that right? 166 days, 166 days, 24 hours a day, 4,000 hours divided by eight, eight hours a day, 500 days, eight hours a day of 500 days. And that's seven days a week.

Oh, 500 days. So in 10 years time, when I'm 59, it's turned into some kind of rhyme, isn't it? 500. So when I'm 59, just from these recordings, this, Let Me Fall Asleep, there'll be 500 days worth of listening.

If you decide to spend eight hours a day listening, how ridiculous. Or four hours a day, a thousand days. A thousand days.

Blimey. That's just ridiculous. I might do it just to be... The thing is, I don't know if my podcast hosts will allow it.

Because they say unlimited, but I bet you they're not expecting someone like me to come along and to be making so many recordings, to be using up thousands of hours. I might, I might, wow. They might sort of make me divide the stuff up and have to sort of charge me a lot more money.

I hope not, but, or I might just have to delete stuff. I might not be able to have it all. Let's face it, on iTunes or on lots of different podcast hosts, you only get a top 250 or the most recent 250 podcast episodes.

And most podcasts don't have that many podcasts. 250. There are a few that have got a lot more than that, but not many would have hundreds and hundreds and hundreds.

So I'm kind of in the minority there. Wow. My claim to fame.

The most prolific producer of absolute rubbish the world's ever known. I am literally my, I was going to say, I'm kind of my own version of China just producing rubbish. But I don't, I don't mean the, what they produce as in the quality of their products.

I'm just, apparently they produce a lot of rubbish, you know, waste. And that's according to a documentary I saw, but I'm sure it's not true. And I love China.

So there you go. Big fan of China. I'd like to visit China.

I'd like to go to a Shaolin temple and train for, I don't know, a month or something. That'd be really cool. Yeah.

Learn some Kung Fu for old people. There's some more gentle Tai Chi Wing Chun kind of gentle Kung Fu rather than just something to suit my fragile body. Yeah.

You know, I just realized that I could make up messages. Why am I reading out genuine ones when I could make up ones? Mind you, it won't work now that if you think that I'm making it up. No, that won't work will it? It's better if I don't tell you.

All right. Okay. I'll read one out tomorrow that I've made up.

But no, now I said that you'll think that. Okay. I won't tell you when I've made it up.

Yeah. In fact, if I do, if I do a message that's horrible, then you won't think I've made it up. But then what's the point in doing that? I'm going to troll myself.

That's ridiculous. Blimey. I don't know what's itchy, my beard or my bum.

Anyway, I'm going to go. So thank you for listening. Thank you very, very, very, very much.

Here's one for you. Guess who I fancy? I've got a little crush, Hillary Clinton. But a young Hillary Clinton when she was, I don't know, probably early twenties or something.

Wow. Beautiful. Like really, I think once you see the personality, it kind of ruins it sometimes, doesn't it? I think with politicians, I would say probably the only, I mean, American politicians, it's got nothing to do with me.

It's not my country. Although English people do seem to take a hell of a lot of interest in the American politics. But how interested is America in what's going on in England? I bet very, very uninterested.

So it's like, let's all just focus on our own politics. But we don't. I mean, we've got our Boris Johnson.

And everyone's got their own whatever you want to, yeah, leader. But I have followed politics in America since the 90s. I suppose, well, the 80s because of Ronald Reagan.

He was so, Ronald Reagan was a superstar. You know, as far as a president goes. I mean, I guess to a lot of people, every single president they've ever had would be a superstar to them.

You know, but worldwide, like in England, Ronald Reagan was, he was the first president that I'd really heard of. And the presidents during the 70s, I was too young. I didn't really take much notice of stuff like that.

And yeah, the, I don't remember too many of them. But everyone after Ronald Reagan, Bush, Clinton, Bush. What was going on before that? What was Clinton in for two terms as well? So Bush, Clinton, Bush.

And what's his name? I can't believe his name just got out of my head. Now Bush is an easy name to remember. I just, I just remember the headlines when Clinton, I can't remember his first name, when he won the world title, when he won the presidency.

And the headlines was Clinton licks Bush. Honestly, that was the headlines. Like, brilliant.

So the most recent, the most recent I will see president is, he's almost seem to, yeah, it's very, very much in the news. Very much in the news. I mean, sure there was another president before, between Bush and Obama.

There wasn't, was there? Bush got in twice, didn't he? Clinton got in twice. Bush's father, I'm not sure if it was once or twice. I know Ronald Reagan.

He was there for about 40 years, wasn't he? And Obama was in twice. Trump's in twice. I mean, for every term the president's in, we seem to get through about four prime ministers.

I mean, I've lost track of the amount of prime ministers that there have been in the last, since I've lived here. Was it one, two, three, four. I think there's been four prime ministers since I've lived here.

So it's Cameron, Diaz. And was there another one? Or was it Theresa May? I'm not saying was she in, I know she was. Was it someone before Theresa May? Oh, I can't remember.

But anyway, Theresa May and then Johnson. So there's three prime ministers since I've been living here. I've been here five years.

Maybe there's another one. Was there another one? I don't even know. I remember there's a really famous person called Keith Cheguin.

He was really famous. He was on TV as a kid himself in the 70s. He used to do swap shop with Noel Edmonds.

And he was a teenager, I think, at the time. But he became part of the nation's consciousness or whatever. He's just part of it.

It's around forever. And in the 90s, because he married some lady called Maggie, was it Maggie Thatcher or something? Anyway, but he got married. And then the marriage sort of didn't work out and stuff.

But he used to be in a, he had his own TV shows. And one of his biggest TV shows was, was it Music Goes Pop? Celebrities Go Pop, Music Goes Pop. And well, have a look.

Keith Cheguin, Keith Cheguin. I've put in Keith Cheguin Pop, and a bunch of options comes up. The first one is Keith Cheguin Pop, which is what I already put in.

The next one, Keith Cheguin Pop, Nob in Fanny. I'm not lying. Then Keith Cheguin Top of the Pops.

Keith Cheguin Cheggers Plays Pop. That's the one. Chegger Plays Pop.

Keith Cheguin Plays Pop. Where did the Keith Cheguin, Chief, Keith Cheguin Pop, Nob in Fanny. What on earth? Anyway, it was called Keith Cheguin's Cheggers Plays Pop.

I think it was 1992. The headlines for, I think it was the sub newspaper, the headlines was Cheggers Marriage Goes Pop. I don't know why I remember stuff like that.

But I do. I really do. You've got no idea how much I do.

Yes. Yes. I'm hungry, but I don't know what to eat.

Oh, well. So I'm gonna go. Thank you very much.

Thank you ever, ever so much for listening. And remember to be kind to yourself, because you deserve to be happy. Do something nice for yourself today, or tomorrow, or today and tomorrow.

Lots of love. Bye.