#408 Let me bore you to sleep - Jason Newland (24th May 2020)

Hello and welcome to jasonnewland.com My name is Jason Newland and this is Let Me Bore You to Sleep. Please only listen to this when you've got nothing else to do. Only listen when you can safely close your eyes.

I'm proper tired right now. I may fall asleep while I'm recording this. I don't know if you can hear that in the background.

The heating's come on. The temperature's dropped a bit and the heating has clicked in, which is the first time in a while it's done that. It's been fairly regular.

I'm just looking through my Facebook page while I'm talking to you. Even my eyes are watering. So while I've recorded this, I'm going to bed.

Oh, what did I tell you? I've got one of those nasal dam things which are supposed to be quite good for helping with perhaps preventing colds and such like germs that may hang around in the nose, mouth, ear section, like the knees. That stuff. Not cyanide.

Sinuses. So I've got some and I'll be honest with you. I tried it the first day, which is about three days ago.

And I thought it was going to be, without getting graphic, I thought it was going to be a mess. But it wasn't. I thought it was going to be a really horrible experience and it wasn't at all.

All it felt like was, you know when you get into a swimming pool and you saw your head goes under the water for the first time and you just get a little bit of water that goes in your nose. Not a lot, just a little bit. It's that.

And you can taste it in your throat and that's it. That's all it was like. There was no chloroform taste.

But just, I don't know what they use in this. They've got sachets that come with it. Oh, I'm feeling all blocked up now.

It's weird. I think it's a... I think, I'm guessing, maybe all of us get affected by the temperature. So when it gets... There's something about England and we get really weird temperature changes.

It goes from being really hot to being cold. And it's just not stable. We have a very unstable weather in this country, which I'm fine about.

I'm not bothered. I'm used to it. But I just need something to moan about.

So that's what I'm going to moan about now. So I've got a few messages. So let me just have a look.

I hope you're all well. Oh, man. So I've got some... Actually, it's a bit too warm.

I need to turn the heating off. Blimey. So yesterday, I got a message from Ali.

Hi Jason, thank you for continuing to provide such great podcasts. They have made me smile and have really helped me with my stress levels. You are giving such a fantastic service to people.

Keep going. And that's Ali. Thank you, Ali.

That's very lovely of you. Thank you very much. And also, I've got a message here saying, I just want to say that I love, love, love your bore me to sleep.

It's honestly a lifesaver for me. For when I can't sleep at night. I remember the first time... Is this your life story you're telling me? I remember the first time.

And I remember the first time I listened... I can't, it's too much to read. I can't be bothered. If it goes on from one to one to two sentences, I'll just stop reading.

Even if it's lovely stuff. I'm kidding. And I remember the first time I listened to you.

And you mentioned Andre. And I searched you and him on Facebook. And I've been hooked since.

No, you do not bore me to sleep. But you 100% give me a distraction from my busy thoughts that fly about my head at night. You need to close your windows, mate.

Keep those things out. Keep me awake. And honestly, I can't thank you enough.

What you do is amazing. And you should be very proud of yourself. Not only do you distract me from my thoughts, you also keep me entertained and somewhat keep me company too in the middle of the night.

For anybody thinking of listening, you should give him a try. I don't think you'll be disappointed. Oh, this is a review.

So this wasn't a message. This is a review left. So thank you.

Who's that from? Who's it from? Andre's favourite person left the following. It doesn't say who it's from. Oh, that's weird.

I can see who it's from, I think. Well, thank you. Whoever sent that message, thank you very much.

But they've named themselves as Andre's favourite person. I think you're his favourite person now. So that's a lovely message.

Thank you both for those messages. Thank you very much. I think sometimes I miss out messages by accident.

So I try to read them out. When I get them. Hello, mate, what do you want? Oh, nothing? Okay, go away then.

Andre, this isn't about you. He came up, I think he must have heard my name, or his name, came up, looked at me, sniffed and just walked away and gone back to bed. Bless him.

Did I? I'm sure I had something. I think I must have had something on Messenger. Messenger.

This is from Jodie. I'm not sure if I read it out. This is from yesterday, or from Friday.

I depend on you to help get me to sleep. You posted that video about not wearing pants and now I'll be awake all night. It's my pleasure, Jodie.

I got a message from Jen. This is from Jen. It says, thanks.

Oh, I didn't reply to that. Was it? When was this? Wednesday. Oh, because I replied.

This is Jen. She said to a podcast. Yeah, she sent a lovely message and said, thanks.

That last podcast was the only one that didn't work. It kept me awake worrying about you. Oh, Jen, don't worry about me.

I'm fine, honestly. I was just moaning. I was just feeling sorry for myself.

It happens sometimes. Perhaps I should just keep that stuff to myself. I'm sorry.

That's not what this podcast is about. I don't want to be worrying anyone. It says, I've told my partner and sons and other friends to listen too, but so far they all seem sceptical.

I will. You can't win them all. You make me laugh as well as set me off to sleep.

Keep going, please. I want to send Jen a message right now. Thanks, Jen.

Kiss, kiss, kiss. And so, Jen, if you listen to this, don't know ever reason. I said, I'm about to cry.

I'm not. I said, there's no reason to worry about me. I'm fine.

No, I am. I am absolutely fine. Kiss, kiss, kiss.

Georgie said. Oh, Georgie sent me a message saying, are you okay? Thanks, Georgie. I can't believe I haven't replied to these.

I'm okay. Thanks. Sorry, Georgie, for not replying.

Blimey, how am I managing not to reply? Wow, okay Okay, actually I've got a lovely message here I Can't remember something someone said something really nice. I like the nice special They should be the ones I only really mentioned, but I don't know just Maybe it's part of me. I just like to moan I'm Molly Rose.

She said Congratulations, you're four times 400. Let me bore you to sleep. Woohoo Or it might be woohoo Might be sarcastic.

We've got woohoo What an awesome accomplishment. Thank you, Molly Yeah Yes, it seems a bit weird though I'm still doing it after all this time literally years of just this this one podcast I Went online Oh Boston cheeky says this is out of context So I just let you know this the message said I have to start a new one. Hold on.

I touched something It's out of context it sounds weird, but she was doing a live a Live stream and I was watching this she was in a garden with a little doggie and First of all, I said I can't hear so she she went inside came out the mic She had a microphone that was bigger than my house honestly and Then I could hear her But I didn't think she could see or hear what I want to see what I was writing You got another message from is a mess. I got from Rachel. Hi Rachel It's a bit of a random message I didn't expect It said would you like a Heinz bundle? I told you about So this is a message.

She sent me a while back She said I'm ordering some for myself and I can have one sent to you Let me know before Monday Now Rachel I'd will not take demands like that I will let you know what I want to let you know. Tell me when when I must let you know by you I Replied saying that's very kind of you. Thank you.

You're welcome. Is that a yes from Jason? Yes, please Can I have your dress after that I said listen this messaging backwards and forwards me going long enough now You know, I've told I told everyone two messages and that's the end of the conversation But I didn't I said I'll send me address all ordered and apparently it's free postage over the weekend Which is good. So, thank you Rachel.

So I'm trying to look at the text message that you sent me. Oh, yeah, it's basically It's an essential bundle of High Heinz bundle it's essential Sun is the little an essential bundle of Heinz tins I think well from looks of this. I Didn't realize it's so many now.

I forgot Wow So we do this many eight tins of soup four tins of hoops and four tins of eight tins of beans four tins of hoops or loops or hoops and four tins of tomato soup Wow, if that was it that's quite a lot, thank you very much Rachel and then she says Um, it's fine surely everyone should be sending you stuff like I'll come away you're not able she didn't say that So I've replied to Jen Rachel I replied to I'm also replying on here as well. That's what I'm talking about it I've got a message from Gail. I don't feel gay.

Gail actually listens to me on here But send a big big love heart to Gail my friend in Scotland and I've actually known Gail we're going back to I Think my space-time so Gail is my oldest friend on the internet and we met Don't even know how we met or she she might have been my one of my first friends on Facebook and it was 2007 and I We got really well talked on the phone we used to play games with each other and like Boy get that out your dirty mind. I'm talking about You know Is it Ludo not Pluto Ludo Not chess. What's the other one checkers? Yeah checkers and She kept beating me.

So I wasn't very impressed to be honest, I don't like being beaten in games and I Was gonna go up to Scotland and meet her but I chickened out This is 2007 before I even started my university course and I chickened out and we stayed sort of on my friends since then but Yeah Occasionally sort of say hello to each other on Facebook So Andre's having his dinner now.

He's having He's cheeky He's very cheeky at the moment because he was I think it was Half seven he was scratching at the door to go out and I just done a recording and I was trying to Edit it and put it, you know upload it and all that stuff There's the one a relaxation for stress and anxiety podcast, but it was What did I call it TV remote It's supposed to be a short recording basically You know, I'll go into it but it was sort of focusing on an actual remote control in your hand

and Using it to control the levels of anxiety and stress and stuff I Write the beginning I said this is gonna be a short recording But then I went on and on and on and on and on and on it ended up being well over an hour I think it's like an hour and eight minutes or something Like what on earth?

Is this though? I Mean I I Was pressing the button on my on the remote so much that the thing melted in my hand. Oh He's having a drink of water It's not cute after five years When there's a little baby, oh, he's drinking.

Oh, he's walking. Oh, he's doing a little poo in the corner on the paper. Oh He's scratching at the door.

He wants to go for a walk Now it's he's scratching at the door again He's just done another poo. I Think that's the 18,000th poo he's done a novelty factor Oops My do is he knows I'm gonna pick him up just run off He doesn't want me to pick him up he doesn't mind so much when I'm on camera I Think he quite likes being on camera, but so anyway, I took him for a walk And it was getting a bit dark it was It must be eight o'clock before we left.

That's a bit late really to be going out But he walked through the fields and it was starting to get it wasn't dark, but it was Not walking through a field But that kind of light, you know with that light because there's no there's no streetlights in the field And so I suppose I reckon the only reason it wasn't any before in the old days because they used to be Lamps like actually lit lamps using oil I think didn't they so imagine if they fell off onto the fields and burned the crops So that's fully

why they didn't have them, but there's no excuse now So I don't know why I don't just have a path around each field Just a path like a concrete pathway or tarmac Around every single field so that people can walk around They're gonna walk around anyway Actually, no, I don't want that I Kind of would in the winter a little bit Because I can't go into the fields in the winter Andre still wants to but he doesn't get a chance.

I feel like I've missed winter this year. I do is sort of The worst part of winter really seems to be sort of the early months of the year here as far as the coldest part the worst weather is usually like January February time a bit of March maybe And I've kind of not really got out much for various reasons some quite obvious There's been a little bit going on Around the world and it's kind of just strange it's almost like the winter just went by and I wore some gloves and wore a hat Got was cold a few times and that was it, you know, this wasn't really a big deal didn't snow Not here.

Anyway As far as no didn't someone told me it did and I was asleep when it happened But I think that's the same person that said they'd pay me back the money.

They owed me So, you know can't believe everything you hear So I like to what I was don't do it. I'm say to Jen Jen. Don't worry about the money.

It's fine I was just missing it out There's a picture of people on the beach this is in an honor as April Okay, so I've got the news on but it's on mute. So I'm just got images on the screen and What was I gonna say I was gonna say something oh, yeah, one of the good things about at the moment I've noticed when I go into the because I don't I've not been in the supermarket for It's gotta be six weeks seven weeks and I've just been going to the local shop You give daddy kisses So I shouldn't pick you up by you.

I don't do it very often It was only just with one hand till I could catch it with the other You're like a little teddy bear I think I do like a teddy bear and they squeeze you And squeeze you he speaks to me when there's no one around.

He says, you know, you act so tough when you do the podcast Make out you're gonna squeeze me like a teddy bear and you can do what you want I know Andre I think everyone knows that you're the boss Not my little baby on you Hmm He's just covered in bits As a field he picks up so much stuff from the fields Well, don't you just stay here and give me a cuddle? No You got a wiggle about I want to get off. Okay Go away, then You didn't want to get away to do anything specific.

You just wanted to Stand on a different part of the carpet This has stopped him doing what he's doing there's one person that can find And this is ironic.

Yeah See there's a big thing about in the news about Wow Was just a thing about Afghan and then they're clearly not doing social distancing Of all the people with them guns and There's this this person that's the prime minister's I think it's his boyfriend or something and he he he was doing he went to visit someone during the lockdown and he got It's only because of the press found out because they've probably following around everywhere he goes And So they're trying to get him basically they're picking on him trying to get him sacked and then all these reporters That are trying to get him sacked and getting so Shouldn't you resign shouldn't you resign for not keeping the distance and everything?

They were all can't be more than about three inches away from each other There's about 30 reporters, you know cameras and stuff all huddled together And he's saying to them That's not two meters away, is it that's not Man It's weird weird stuff Now one of the good things about going to the local shop is I can go in there wear my surgical mask and I don't get any funny looks Well this time last year Everyone was saying why you wearing a surgical mask. What are you doing? Now nothing. It's great Yep, I Want to get the full kit.

I'll actually get kitted up like a surgeon, you know the blue that I have like a blue top and a funny hat and Yeah, that's what I want like an apron or something walk around with a Scalpel, I don't know what they Hatch it. I don't know what they use Yeah, that'd be good I might do I wish I could I Wish I could find stuff like that. If only I knew I'd have prepared honestly.

I Would have prepared so well for this Just just to make myself look silly I have a little bit of fun with it. Oh, man Just a little bit a little bit of entertaining yourself if I didn't know because I shaved my head Actually, I should have done that I should have kept my comb over Because I shaved my head and I put a comb over on it. I shaved the middle first and Then I just you know, pull the hair over I should have left it like that and walked around Just for a laugh I Didn't didn't really give it too much thought I need to I Need to think more before I do things need to think more and Do more silly things.

I Don't think this and how many people in their 90s are sitting at home thinking I Should be more sensible should I Wish I'd had less lex a little bit. We should have had less Fun I Can't imagine anyone in their later years would be thinking that So I want to have some fun at some point. I've stopped having fun in 2001 It sounds like a rhyme but it's What when I said fun, I mean not a regular Weekly Social life haven't had that Since 2001 and I do, you know, sometimes think I'd be nice.

I know it's like 19 years away 19 years ago and living heck I Mean I worked with someone Who really liked me a lot and To think about it I could have actually got together with her and we could have an Adult child we could have had a child together. It's now an adult How ridiculous is that? Wow, not only that How damn old would I feel That's the only that's probably the only benefit of turning 50 this year is No matter how old I'm gonna feel I know my dad's gonna feel it even more Knowing he's got he's got three children over 50.

That's God Because my other brother's Yeah, so my other brother will be turning 52 And me I would probably be turning 54 this year So it's like wow You mentioned my name.

My name used to say that actually About herself when my Oldest uncle He became a pensioner and Cuz you know, I wait a minute. I think my hug my oldest uncle is now 80 You don't look 80 at all That's the jiu-jitsu instructor and I mean doesn't look doesn't look 20, but He shouldn't know that'd be weird, wouldn't it?

I just saw an 80 looking 20 Wasn't that a Brad Pitt movie wasn't it where he got younger and younger or older and older one of them Is it Simon buttons Benjamin Benjamin Benjamin buttons one if you'll ever be remembered for that film, you know, I didn't he got Oscar didn't he won an Oscar for best supporting actor in the Quentin Tarantino Film and Something in Hollywood, I forget the name of it and It was alright It was the film was alright. It had some good bits.

It was If you haven't seen it, it's very much aimed. It's a very kind of a pop culture kind of movie and aiming at a an alternative History like something that is something different happened, you know, I mean concerning the Manson and all that stuff So that's kind of kind of what it's like But it's also got Bruce Lee in it It's not really him, but it's there's a lot of these icons from the 60s or from the 70s That's in fact Now would be the 70s wouldn't I think? so it's you know, it's very It's a good film, but Brad Pitt. I don't know.

He kind of plays himself. It's not really a Method actor Is this really just naturally It's just natural, isn't he? I think there's that then you could say that about a bit like Jimmy Stewart. I Love Jimmy Stewart But I don't like watching him in anything but just one film.

It's a wonderful life. I Don't want to see him riding on a horse I don't really even want to see him in a Alfred Hitchcock film. He was in that one the The staircase or something wouldn't he? I never saw the one where he's Had an invisible rabbit as a friend.

I never saw that one, but it's a wonderful life is It's just perfect and You know that film wasn't even a hit wasn't even a success when it came out But then it came out I think 1939 Something like that or 45 I think it came out No, it would have been 45 Yeah, I'm pretty sure it's after them, but I'm not 100% sure. I thought was 1939, but I think it must have been after the war Or the Second World War, you know in the old days when people said the war they were talking about the First World War weren't they I Must have expected the second one though because it kept just from the title the First World War Very presumptuous, wasn't it?

What's gonna be another one? So maybe that's why we keep saying the Second World War Why can't we just call it the final war the last war well? We do say the last war isn't the last one not for everyone I suppose but Dear Jason Can you please stop talking about war? I don't find genocide particularly relaxing Okay, okay. I'll move on.

So yeah, I'll be 50 50 Blimey I remember I Remember home. I went to this website the other day or today yesterday Called woo. Was it woohoo? That's basically I'll show I'll tell you what it is because I was just playing around with it and I Wasn't being serious on it.

I should probably be annoying people. It's some people who Woo plus it's called woo plus And I went on there what can I see settings about terms Eliminate where's my settings? Where's me? Anyway, oh, well, I've got a bloke coming up. I don't see him Go away So it's it's basically it said it's a website for It's a website for It says curvy women now.

I do. Oh, it's a it's an app on you know It's not like some weird app, but I was looking at some of the dating apps and I thought okay, I'll have a go there just Just something I was bored. I thought I know what I do.

I'll I'll have a look and Yeah They want some like 90 pound for a year. I'm not paying for nothing. No way Anyway, I went on there And No, I did it as a joke genuinely because no one was gonna want to talk to me after what I'd put about myself and I Can't say what it was.

It was just it wasn't like rude rude or just a bit. There's not one sentence This is what you're looking for. I'm looking for a woman with and I just just added that whatever else I put and But as I wasn't like rude rude just And then someone can someone replied to me saying I know I said I like to put like hi to someone and they came back I said did you not read my profile? I said yeah she said well I've read yours and it says that you're looking for a woman with big with just with you know, and that's just ridiculous I said why she said what did you read my profile?

I said, yeah She said boy you would have seen I'm looking for a man that's genuine And I replied I said I am I'm genuinely looking for a woman that's got None of that happened I'm just making it up but I did like a few people and it's just It was almost some of these Some of the profiles make me like there was just I Don't really get it.

I mean my interests pets and animals shopping opera movies dancing photography It's like so many things Cola that's not an interest my interests Pizza Pete Peter is not an interest. It's something you eat Cola I mean juice it's got a hit juice. How can that be an interest? And it isn't an interest something you delve into you get like emotionally involved in and you find out about it.

I Mean what can you find out about the juice? Where's it made? You know, what's the process of it being made? Where can you purchase it? well, you know the history of the company that makes it maybe but How can that be an interest spaghetti This is Natasha And she looks like a very lovely lady hmm Hmm she's 172 centimeters. I've no idea what that means body type curvy There's pictures so didn't need anything there Body shaped rounded Apple. What is it? You know what? It's it asked me To put my details.

Yeah and it said What body shape are you? So let's have a look. I wish I could get back to it so I could find out what I put preferences Women a okay Settings We store purchase. No, that's a block list.

I'm not blocked anyone. Am I? No blimey but they have these like Okay, let's have a look at that So destiny, it's not a real name. Is it? Her body shape is hourglass And then Lauren her body shape is Smoking okay.

Oh no smoking socially Smoking socially who smoke socially if you smoke or do not smoke I Okay, this is Lauren, all right, she says she looks really upset in the photograph like she's I don't know a Funeral or something things. I will never do Kill an animal burn an animal swim in the Atlantic High-five a monkey kiss an 80 year old So, I'm guessing she just copy copied and pasted that from somewhere But I don't know more stories about me I'm up for a good time and I'm also looking for somebody to send me some money And I don't thought she'd put a bit more information about herself if she was to put that height 163 centimeters Who measures themselves in centimeters?

That's a bit over-the-top in it the inches Or foot Feet it makes sense like 8 foot 10 foot 6 foot or whatever 163 centimeters Occupation entertainment media Model, I'm a model ethnicity Ethnicity Caucasian Caucasian Slash white My interest shopping Opera movies playing music comedies science fiction racing game pop Oh I'm guess these are ones that you can choose. You don't just type them in yourself, I guess R&B soul funk hip-hop rap hip-hop rap jazz jazz travel hiking hockey soccer swimming soccer Soccer Wait a minute.

She's from England. Why she's putting down soccer. We do not use the term soccer in the UK Or not in England.

Anyway, it's a football Although I'm sure you used to it might be called soccer in the old days soccer Swimming Chinese cuisine Chinese cuisine Chinese food surely Chinese cuisine Asian cuisine coffee coffee. It's not an interest. Is it? soda Really don't need to go over that again.

So that it's not an interest. It's not a hobby Wine This is the most this is the most vague one of all popular novel I like reading Would you like reading? I like reading novels what type of novels? You could do that for everything can you I like watching movies What type of movies do you like I like popular ones I Like comedies any particular ones funny ones Stop now. I Love novel.

She likes not love novels Detective novel Historical novel Wow, she's clearly intellectual. I didn't realize It's probably not even a real person to be fast probably someone Set this my I set my profile up and I'm not a real person either Detective what's it? I'm gonna click on is it? Let me go to detective novel. I'm thinking of writing a love novel.

I Kind of I'm starting to think you know what instead of trying to Go through my stuff go through all my different recordings and Making something on all earnest, you know, and we're not serious, but you know something useful Why don't I just make something just completely pointless and just write it? Just for the sake of it like a love story and just Add stupid things just for the sake of it Yeah, you know just the whole thing just It just be I Tried to read some Barbara Carlin books On the Kindle a while back And I was gonna get some out of the library, but I just couldn't do it.

I Just couldn't go through the process of it. No couldn't and I just Just Seen wrong somehow to touch a book like that So I got on Kindle and I'm I'm probably the least soppiest person ever Why used to be romantic? I'm not now but I used to be So when I was I was probably really romantic when I was a kid Kind of peaked a bit too early possibly.

I loved girls when I was even I was eight I've just absolutely adored girls and I wasn't particularly popular when I was a teenager, but before that I seem to get quite well with girls and So I went downhill from there really My love life peaked at the age of nine that's a bit of a weird one of it I Think it all happened when I was Because when I was in the kids home children's home there was I don't know she was a teenager she I think she was She might have lived there, but she was older.

She was probably about 14 15 16. Who knows how old she was but one of the other kids pulled pulled on her top and it came down and I was only six six years old Ever since then I was just fascinated Just something weird just like wow I Fell in love it's almost like I wanted to date adults, and I was only like a little kid Which is very strange? So I loved her But she said I had to wait until I was at least 20 years older Which is fine, but I couldn't find it then Got to 26 so okay back to Southend now, where would she be?

Turned out she was a nun So I'm not sure if it really happened But she was lovely I think I think she lived there.

I think she was one of the other other Kids probably, but she might have been helping out. She might be one of the Support workers or something like that But I just remember I you know we all have our little memories and stuff, and that's just one of my first Romantic It wasn't romantic, but one of my first kind of like Wake up things like oh What's that Because bearing in mind. I was living with nuns.

I didn't get to watch television that had any kind of sort of activity So like kids can even accidentally see stuff on telly Even the adverts people walking around with In bikinis and stuff like that. I didn't see none of that stuff So this was just really kind of oh What are they?

Really, I didn't I didn't really know the difference between boys and girls at that age and It's very strange But I think the weirdest is something I shouldn't really tell you, but when I was a teenager, a kid or whatever We used to, I don't know why, but there used to be stuff on telly that was I'm gonna say the word intriguing, intriguing Stimulating, intriguing, not mentally and And I'd be there in my dressing gown The whole family would be in the living room watching this TV program, and maybe there'd be a I don't know, maybe not a love scene, but something kind of similar So I'd be holding a pit, I'd have a One of the cushions from the city on my lap.

Just kind of pushing down on it Just sort of pretending to you know I remember I was doing this once, I looked over, both my brothers were doing the same I looked over and my dad was there with another one He had three pillows No, it did happen, not my dad, but my other two brothers Well, I, yeah I'm not sure if that happened, but it did happen with me Yeah, it was, we didn't have a remote control either, so I, I was the youngest that used to get sent to do stuff And because my

little brother was too young He was only like two He was two when I was ten So, you know, he didn't get it, so it'd be me Jason, can you turn the TV over or can you change the video tape?

And I'll be sitting there and say, you alright? I'm just gonna sit here with the cushion on my, on my lap for a little bit longer Yeah, should we just, should we talk about something? Yeah Yeah What about them nuns, eh?

I'm glad I don't have that connection though Anyway, that's another thing, but yeah, so they're nuns They're nuns I think it's, I think being a nun is, I think it's quite addictive It's a hard habit to break Boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop I'm ashamed of myself So yeah, I took him for a walk And you know what, I noticed he did something I'm coming back with him, and he's, he's pulling with all his strength to go in the wrong, a completely different direction to the way I was going I mean completely pulling And as I said earlier, it was getting a little bit darker, so I don't really want to be in the middle of the fields.

I can't see where the cats are. And the cats do kind of follow us around a little bit. I think they're intrigued by him.

And he has got kind of a similar kind of coat or colouring to rabbits. So I think they're not quite sure what to make of him. And they gather together, seriously.

Sometimes I see like four, five, six cats, you know, watching him and running into the bushes and hiding. So I keep them close to me so I can do whatever's necessary in the event of a cat sort of jumping on him. And I mean the cat would have one opportunity, you know, to catch him off guard, you know.

But he's so dopey. He's not looking out for anything like that. He doesn't, he hasn't got the first idea about protecting himself, other than in the moment he can.

I've seen him go. I've seen him attack a dog and another ferret. He fights and he will do it.

And he goes really, you know, he's a strong old little thing. But he's got no idea of predators or anything like that. Because he hasn't been brought up that way.

So, or food. I mean he he's walked past rabbits. Like, hello.

And you know, he's carried on walking. He's got no concept of a rabbit being a rabbit, you know, in his wild, you know, his correct environment. That would be, well, it's a shame.

But that would be, you know, a different scenario. That rabbit would not be standing there, saying hello. Mind you, I think the rabbit might have been mocking him.

Maybe because he had a chain, because he had this little lead on him. The rabbit thought, he's got a lead on, what's he gonna do? What I don't realize is, if he wants to get out of the lead, he can. He can break out of the harness, he just chooses not to.

I found that out when we was in the park and there was another ferret there. I put him on the floor and, you know, and I was talking to the people, the ferret. He was out of that harness in seconds, trying to get to the other ferret.

He can get out, he chooses not to. He doesn't put the effort in. But if he wants to get out, he's out in seconds.

He'll just rip the thing open, just to get to, you know, another ferret. That's a, that's a ballgame that I don't even understand. They fight really hard, but they never seem to hurt themselves or get hurt.

But they really, you know, ultimately what he wants to do is be with another ferret. So it's kind of a shame that he's not. But as soon as, if I brought a ferret in here, he would fight it.

And that's the hierarchy, that's how they are. They want to, you know, be dominant and sort of take control. And Andre wants to be the dominant one.

So if a little baby came in here, Andre would be pushing it around and telling it off all the time. But then, in a couple of years time, the baby will get bigger and start bossing him around and pushing him around, because it'll be stronger and bigger. Well, maybe not bigger, but stronger, because Andre will be, I guess, a bit weaker by then.

So the, that's what happened with my friend's ferret. To start with, my friend Andre was just running around with his little brother, who got took away somewhere else. And they were giving my friend's ferret a right hard time.

But he gets picked him up by the neck. Automatically knew how to do that. You know, no training there, just knew pick up by the neck and kept taking it back to a certain place and grab the other one.

He kept taking it back to where he wanted it and would hold it down, bite him, but just enough to sort of prove, you know, say I'm in charge. So it'd nip him really. And so he was the strong one.

But then as he got weak, an old elderly passed away a couple of years ago now. As he got weak and elderly, Andre started taking advantage and trying to pick a fight with him. And he didn't want to anymore.

He just wanted to cuddle. All he wanted to do, there's one point when they were both up here together, and I was looking after him for my friend. And Andre was asleep.

And I was looking after the other one. I just like playing with him. But he could hardly walk.

His back legs had gone. But he was, they don't stop him. The determination there doesn't stop.

Doesn't matter what's wrong with them. They don't let it get in the way of what they're doing. They're just gonna keep going wherever, until they can't.

And he but this other ferret is going, he's trying to get in and cuddle up with Andre. And Andre won't have a nun of it. Yeah, at the same time, Andre did want that.

It was, it was almost like he did put, the thing he probably wants most in the world is to cuddle up with another ferret. Man or girl. Probably man.

If it was a girl, he'd want to probably do other things. So, but he'd love to do that. He'd love to just have a cuddle and go to sleep with his brothers.

Or his, you know, if there's a few of them. They'd all huddle together and sleep together. Cuddled up.

But Andre's just a handful. He wouldn't, he wouldn't back down. And I can't even have my friend's dog up here for any length of time.

Because I have to put Andre into the bedroom. Because Ben, Andre keeps biting him. And this dog is huge.

It's the strongest dog I've pretty much I've ever known, really. And Andre bites him. He's scared of Andre.

And it's not just, he doesn't just do it like face, he will face up to him and he'll bite him. But he also, he creeps up on him. So the dog will go to sleep.

It'll creep up on him. And just bite him. And I saw him once, he was aiming for his bits.

You know, the dangly bits. I was like, really? I see, you know, a few times I've got him just in time. I caught him just in time before he was about to sort of strike.

And it's only a matter of time before the dog says that's enough. You know, it's, you know, basically Andre's bullying him or trying to. I don't like that.

He doesn't, I think he probably sees it as playing. I'm sure Andre doesn't see it as anything other than just playing. But at the same time, he doesn't do it when he's in the dog's house.

And he does it when he's in here. He doesn't do it when we're outside generally. He's not interested, but when we're in his home, anyone that comes in here, he, it's almost like he wants to be the boss and he's showing everyone who's the boss.

So I don't know. I wonder if he does actually think that he's in charge of me. I think, you know, I think he might actually think that.

And I wonder how many times I can say the word think in one sentence. I think that maybe he thinks that he thinks I think that they think it's a thinkable thing. So yeah, it's a sort of a something I was going to say.

Is there something that I was going to say? I can't remember. No, no, no, no, no. I can't remember.

Yeah. There's nothing on Facebook. Nothing on Facebook at all.

I have to look at I'm going to look rather at my, you know, I've noticed, right? There's a lot of adverts for how to start a podcast. And part of this, I think, is podcasts have become really popular. And is it Steph Rogen or whatever his name is, like he's the biggest podcaster in the world.

And he's moving from YouTube to Spotify for $100 million. And he's, I think he does the UFC or MMA. UFC.

Yeah, he's, he does his podcast. And it's, I think it's about men's wellness, stuff. I don't really listen to it.

But I know it's really, it's like the most popular podcast, I think on the internet. And suddenly podcasts have become, they've been advertised, really being advertised courses and how to start a podcast. And I was like, wow, I've been doing this for a long time.

You know, it's a, there's not really much to it, really. It's so much easier now than it used to be. It was a proper hassle to get the equipment and everything.

And now it's, it's very simple. And I suppose, for me, I think the sound quality is fairly good on these podcasts. But then I don't do music.

You know, I do have background music on some of my stress and sleep stuff. But, you know, for this, it's just me talking as there's no, there's no glossy intro. There's no, you know, it's very, I suppose, quite basic.

But it has to be because it's me. It's got to be basic. I can't, I don't do complications.

It has to be fairly basic. But I think I don't really want to be on a video anymore. I reckon 10 years ago, I know for a fact, 10 years ago, I loved doing a podcast with doing this with a camera on me at the same time.

I'd have reveled in that. I'd have enjoyed that. So doing these Let Me Boy To Sleep, I would have been doing that on camera.

And having a whale of a time, don't you know? But I suppose I just, that was, you know, okay, let's say nine years ago. So 2011. So nine years ago, but I was already four or five years into the whole video thing.

So that's, you know, I've done podcasts and videos. So to mix the both would seem like a standard thing. My first podcast was, what was it? 19, no, 19.

It was 2007, my first podcast. But that was before podcasts were popular. They went through a little bit of popularity.

And there were some people who had really popular podcasts like Ricky Gervais. And some, you know, some famous people had podcasts and they sold them. But there were more and you know, and they were, people used to purchase them.

So it's more of a product. And I think the same thing happened with a couple of other people as well. The Ricky Gervais selling it.

I don't know if that's true, but I can't imagine him doing it for free. Because you know, it's all done professionally, isn't it? And he probably spent thousands and thousands of pounds, you know, putting it all together. Mine just cost 100 quid a month or 150 quid a month dependent.

You know, if you include the equipment, so about 160 pound a month, including equipment that I use, that I'm paying off over time. I got my new microphone through, another lapel microphone. I can't believe he managed to, well, he or she managed to get it through the letterbox.

And Andre managed to do a nice big poo right under where the letterbox is. And you guessed it, the package managed to land right in the big poo. What a lovely, lovely thing.

It was a delight. It really was. Do you think I should buy a bicycle? I see people on bikes and most people on bikes that I see generally seem to look quite slim.

So it might be a way of me slimming. I don't know. I feel that I've lost some weight.

I won't know until I go back to the mental health team and actually go there in person because I've not been there for, I think, February was the last time, maybe January. So I've been talking on the phone once a month to my psychologist. And I used to weigh myself every time I went there.

So I'd weigh myself and I was, I think I was about 100 kilos last time I went. I did lose a bit of weight at one point. I went down to about 98.

Then I went back up to 100 again. I reckon I'm probably less. I wouldn't be surprised if I was down to about 95 kilos or at least maybe 97, 98.

But it's hard to tell unless I put some muscle on, which means I might be heavier, you know, but I don't have a chance of me putting muscle on. No, I have. I've got to put some muscle on my upper body.

It's mainly just from punching a punch bag because basically all muscle is, it's muscle that gets broken down by physical activity and it grows back, perhaps a little bit bigger if you do it regularly. That's all it is, isn't it? It's the only reason how they get bigger. And punching a punch bag does break down the muscles, you know? So it's kind of, the muscles getting bigger is just muscles that have been damaged basically by repetition.

See, I just described bodybuilding to you. That is what it is. Bodybuilders, they absolutely pretty much destroy their muscles, put them through so much pressure and then they eat loads of protein and then they sleep so that the body can repair.

So then the muscles repair itself and become that tiny little bit bigger. And then I do the same thing again, then the muscles become a little bit bigger and then to keep that size, they have to keep doing it. If they stop doing it, the muscles stop being that size.

They kind of get a little bit smaller or maybe the person reverts back to the kind of body they had before. So they might still have big arms, but just not bulgy, bulgy like mine. No, I haven't got bulgy arms.

That is one of my little dreams though, not to have bulgy arms, but one of my little dreams. And these are things that I possibly could actually do if I wanted to, if I really put my mind to it. I don't mean successfully, but I could do it.

You know, I could apply to do the marathon, that mean I'm going to, you know, it doesn't mean anything other than that I've applied. So I, you know, and I can, when people are allowed to run and I could, you know what I've noticed, so less people jogging now, that little naughty wore off. Three weeks ago, four weeks ago, all I saw was joggers, people running, running around, sometimes in pairs, through the fields, around the roads, everything.

I can't remember the last time I saw a jogger. They were showing off, weren't they? Bless them. Maybe, I think some people go to the gym and they go onto the running machines.

So they're perhaps trying to keep up that routine, but it's different running in the streets, especially running on pavements, because you can get what's those splint things, is it like little bone splinters or whatever they call them, which are not very pleasant, which you don't get. Well, I suppose you can get it a bit, but on a running machine, it's a little bit bouncy. It's a little bit more padded in a way.

I used to go jogging when I was a kid. When I was, yeah, I used to, it is something. When I was about eight years old, seven to eight, we used to have a park near where we lived.

It was the same house that my nan and grandad moved into when I was living there. And there was this park and I used to run around it and keep running around it and keep running around it and keep running. This is a boring story, but I feel like I'm going around in circles there.

And I could hit a rhythm. I'd sweat, I'd probably sweat, but you know, you're supposed to if you're jogging, if you're running for long distances. I mean, sweating is a good thing, I'd say.

And it means the skin's working. Isn't that weird though, skin though? It doesn't let water in, but it lets water out. It's the most waterproof material that there is, our skin.

It doesn't stop water from coming out of the skin. It's like a one-way conversation. It's like this.

It's a one-way conversation. That's what you thought. Well, you didn't realize I can hear everything you're saying right now.

Yes. I used to run around this park and I could run, run, run, just run continuously. It wasn't fast.

It was, you know, it was jogging. I always used to jog at a slow speed, but I could just do it for ages and ages. And what I used to find doing it was very therapeutic.

Now, I wouldn't have used that word at the time because I didn't know what therapeutic meant. And because I was seven years old, what the hell did I know about stuff like that? But what I did find is it calmed my mind. It calmed me down.

I was less stressy because I used to be a bit of a stressy pot when I was a kid. I'd let things build up and then wouldn't know how to deal with it because I was a seven-year-old child. They don't know how to deal with it.

So I used to run and I wasn't athletically gifted as far as I couldn't run faster than anyone else, or I probably couldn't even run for longer periods of time than anybody else. I just used to use it as a tool of, I'd be on my own. I think sometimes I'd sing.

I might sing like a song from Greece. Sandy, can't you see I'm in misery? All alone, all alone. I sit and wonder why I know what you left me.

Oh, Sandy, Sandy, Sandy, why? Dear Jason, I was really enjoying your recording last night. I was falling asleep and you started singing. I think 83 minutes into a recording isn't the right time to be bursting into song.

Just a suggestion. Lots of love. Yeah, you might have a point actually.

Yeah, I'll do what I want though. Yes, yeah. Dear Jason, I think you're overdoing the dear Jason things.

It was mildly amusing when you first did it, in a little way, but you're overdoing it a bit. Perhaps you should stop. Perhaps you try and get in touch with your creative side and maybe come up with something original, something a bit different.

I'll leave it with you. You can figure it out. But maybe stop the dear Jason things now.

We've had enough. Yeah, I think it's run its course and I think we should lay it to rest and lay it to bed. Yeah, I think we should start, or move along, you know? Nothing to see here.

Let's all move along. So I'll leave you with that little bit of advice. I mean, you don't have to take it, but you might want to.

Yeah, that's all I'm going to say. Hope you're still on for tomorrow night. And I guess you still want me to dress up as a clown? Okay, that's fine.

That's good. And as long as you, you know, remember to put on the lion costume for me. You know, it goes both ways, this relationship, you know? Can't just be one-way traffic.

I like your podcast. Yes, I know other people have said that before. Yeah, it's okay.

Yeah, okay. All right. Okay.

Love you. Bye. Yeah.

No, I'm not going to send you a... You know what I look like. Why do you want me to send you a picture? That's just crude. I've had enough.

You keep this up, I'm going to tell on you. I'm telling. I'll get you sacked.

All right then. Okay. Okay.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Okay.

All right. See you tomorrow. Yeah.

Bye, mum. So I think it's... Oh, my back. My back's a bit stretched.

Or not stretched, one of them. So I was going to say, something else I was going to say before I was rudely interrupted by myself. No, I can't remember.

It might come over me later. I don't know. I'll probably be in bed and suddenly squirt.

There it is. I won't remember. I was going to tell her about my new movie that was coming out, but I had to tell them tomorrow.

Yes. Anyway, I'm going to go now. I'm going to go now.

So thank you very much for listening. Remember to be kind to yourself. Remember to be kind to yourself, because you deserve to be happy.

You deserve to be happy. Do something nice for yourself, today or tomorrow, or both, today and tomorrow. Lots of love.

Bye.