#413 Let me bore you to sleep - Jason Newland (29th May 2020)

Hello and welcome to jasonnewland.com. My name is Jason Newland. This is Let Me Bore You to Sleep. Please listen and you can safely close your eyes.

I can hear something in the background. It's weird. It might be Andre.

He snores. He proper snores. This is weird.

I just pressed the pause button because I needed to check. And it's him. It's Andre.

He's snoring. But he snores like... They might be dreaming. He's been out twice today or yesterday.

Well kind of yesterday and today because he went out. We had a late early morning walk with my neighbor at midnight. And I took him earlier about half seven.

Last night I took him for a walk. Still playing the game of trying to go in a different direction. He's so determined.

And it's annoying. It's a little bit annoying. But there you go.

So I hope... I don't like hearing him when he's going... It's a weird noise. Very strange. I hope he's okay.

Anyway, so if he keeps doing it I might wake him up just to check he's all right. In fact I'm going to wake him up now and put you on pause and wake him up and bring him up and give him a cuddle. I realize it's a bit of a strange start to the recording but I just grabbed him.

Not grabbed him. I just picked him up. He's awake now.

And he's now scratching at my trousers. He's on my lap. There's nothing in there of any interest Andre.

He's trying to get inside my underpants which is weird. Stop it. You're not getting in there now.

Why don't you just go sleep sleep. But no more of those dreams. Unless it might be a nice dream.

Was it a nice dream Andre? Makes a change from all the farts that he normally does doesn't it? He's kissing my hand now. He's licking my hand. I suppose you can get salt.

He needs salt so he probably gets that from my skin. Apparently. Let's see.

Good boy. If I manage to get him when he's asleep or he's half asleep and I put him on my lap he'll sometimes stay there for a while. But if he's wide awake he just won't stay still.

He's actually, his eyes are closed practically. He seems happy just to be here. Just to be you know lying on my lap.

Don't you? Eh? You're a gorgeous little boy aren't you? You're gorgeous. Yes you are. You're gorgeous.

You're the cutest ferret ever. You're definitely the spoiltest. There's no other ferret in the world that's as spoilt as he is.

How many ferrets have their own flat, their own apartment to themselves? Oh yeah he gets to share it with me but it's still his. Isn't it? How many ferrets have four rooms or five including a storage room and a hallway? All that carpet to mutilate and destroy? I just hope he doesn't pick up any fleas from the grass because I've been taking him out quite a bit and he loves the long grass and that is a place that they can catch the old fleas. So hopefully he hasn't.

We were walking back earlier and it was probably must have been a half twelve. I'm walking through the park and he was on the lead but the extension lead so he's probably a good 10 foot away from me. I realised there was a cat.

Oh he's gone. There was a cat creeping up to him because he was just rolling around in the grass and I actually kind of, I didn't run towards him but I started pulling him in with the lead and the cat was starting to sort of pounce. Luckily I had my catapult with me.

I couldn't believe it. It's like what? Oh, how rude. The thing with cats, what they do have to their advantage is those big old sharp teeth they've got and the claws and that natural natural hunting instinct that they have.

But he, his jaw is, he's got a strong jaw. If he bit one, if he grabbed, if one sort of attacked him and he grabbed it he wouldn't let go. So you see cats when they have fights, they have a little fight and then they run off.

The ferrets don't do that. They keep going. They don't, they won't stop.

They never ever quit because they're, it's basically an ancestor of the wolverine and the wolverines are known for being the most, one of the most vicious, you know, fighters in the wild. He just happens to be tiny compared to a wolverine. Earlier on it's weird, but he hasn't got, he's so gentle though.

He's just got a gentle, a gentleness to him, but he can be a little bit forceful at times. He's now enjoying my slipper. He said to me earlier, so why do you keep calling it your slipper daddy? It's been my slipper for three years, which is a good point.

Here's something I can guarantee you. It doesn't matter where you've been in the world. And yeah, I'm talking to you.

I'm talking to you directly, whoever's listening. It doesn't matter where you've been, who you've met, what you've eaten, what restaurants you've been in, what jobs you've had. You might have traveled the world and seen everything you think you've seen and experienced everything.

I can guarantee you've never smelled anything like that slipper. It's got a smell that doesn't exist anywhere else. I mean, it's practically transformed the material of the slipper.

It's a different material that doesn't even exist. I mean, you'd have to go to the other side of the universe to find something that even existed that was similar. Even a Martian would look at it and think, what the hell is that? Of course, that's how Martians speak, isn't it? Or maybe what the hell is that? What is that slipper? So, oh man, I should read out my messages before I start the recording.

I nearly said start the recording proper. God, I hope I never end up talking like that before I start the lecture proper. No, I don't want to talk like that.

I think the fact that I'm reading out the messages is putting people off sending me messages. I don't know if that's... I'm not reading them out to annoy anyone. I'm just sharing.

I'm just having a drink. I've had no messages on my website today, or yesterday, since I last made a recording. But I have had some messages on Facebook, I do believe.

Let me read them. Well, I will say hello to Natalie, who's live. Right, let me see.

Oh, okay. So, I've got a message from Jen.

she says please stop contacting me I've informed my solicitors and going to I love the ferret licking piece which sounds a bit weird out of place from you know if you don't know what it means but and and hygiene just say that to you as well I did a recording for the relaxation for stress and anxiety I hope you've joined the background music ferret love I should call it and it has a hyena doesn't he what annoys me is he bangs against a radiator and radiators they're all connected and they even a radio is in

the flat below the flat across the road not across the road but in the block all the radio is when they all be connected the reason I say that is because when downstairs were tidying up and I could hear on when the lady lived down there glasses have just fallen on the floor I could hear her banging the radiators you know when she's like you know tidying up and stuff I'll tell you something that years and years ago I had a bit of problem this microphone earlier it was clicking which is annoying I mean I've

got a new microphone now which is exactly the same as this one but that was supposed to be for a separate project that I was gonna be doing for the transcription I'm always working you know well I don't work I do work if you know I mean I'm always always trying to improve what I'm doing it seems hard that it's even possible but I might eventually be able to become better couldn't get any worse could I and I was living in this place it's a YMCA and it was a flatlet like a studio apartment which

in itself was okay actually didn't run a carpet but it was just a bit brutally you know that makes sense but the actual place was fine had my kitchen had a bathroom self-contained it was cheap 65 pound a week or something and it was had an electric meter but the gas hot water and all that stuff came part of the rent just the electricity had to you know be paid if it hadn't been for the neighbors I would have stayed there a lot longer than I did as it turned out I moved to three different

flats or three different studio apartments within the same complex trying to find somewhere where I wouldn't be disturbed by the neighbors but there was so many people living there and these it was very tight it's very close quarters if that makes sense the I guess it's very similar to probably like a student nurse accommodation or maybe just student accommodation you know very tightly spaced every room looks the same although a student accommodation from my experience it's been yeah you'd be sharing you might get a sink be sharing a bathroom with our people and there'd be

a kitchen as well for to share but you get your own bedroom get my bed wardrobe desk a kind of standard furniture I dated a student nurse or dated someone that was a student nurse and and also helped had a job where I was putting furniture into some student accommodation so I got limited knowledge but a little bit and I also worked in a nurse's home doing security so I used to have to go into all the rooms and just check to make sure they were sleeping okay no and so that was my better jobs

and this YMCA it was there was a lot of it was during the there was a lot I don't know there was a certain group of people refugees I can't remember that it was Syria or so but it was huge influx or a large influx in that town for some reason and I'd only just moved to the town and this this accommodation which was normally for people with homeless issues it was taken over and because the YMCA they they charge a lot of money if you it's 65 pound a week if you're working it goes

up to about 170 pound a week or something like that if you're on benefits which I couldn't believe so really they said yep that's how they made the money so and the the groups of people because obviously they were here didn't know anyone they were all sort of staying together which is what pretty much anyone would do wouldn't they imagine if a bunch of English people ended up in I don't know India or you know you'd group together because you could understand each other and you know whatever see that couldn't care less couldn't was not

interested in any of that stuff but what I was interested in is the noise the noise they'd be about I knocked on a door once to sort of say can you keep the noise down from the flat below me there was about 700 people in there I've never seen these the studio apartments they weren't like they weren't tiny but it definitely weren't big I mean the the studio probably about the size of this room including this I have a bed have maybe yeah put it about the same about this size maybe a little bit smaller

so it's a fairly decent size as far as it goes but they you know they did they were using the radios as drums I'm not even joking so they were singing and I know two o'clock in the morning for an example yeah it's an example using the radiators as drums which meant everybody could hear it and because it was like a regular beat and then changing then regulate it was it was a punishment it really and I was working I had to get up in the morning so I lost my mind a little bit over

that I went looking for the for the the origin of that that particular drumming I looked for the drummer but couldn't find them I can't I've never seen so many people in one room they all had their own rooms their own places so they didn't the YMCA didn't like stick lots of people together they all had their own places but it dawned on me afterwards that maybe they just liked each other I'm just too I'm just unfriendly that's I think it's I think it might be the way maybe it's the way in in this country

we were not not quite physically as close as some other countries you know I don't know maybe you're not a big extended families and grandparents looking after the children and raising them and there's all kinds of different cultures isn't it and I mean I grew up in a big family unfortunately but not big compared to some people I mean I had three brothers which is you know it's four children two adults technically and that's quite a big family but none of them used to drum on the radiators and ever since then because I lost I

really I'm not going to tell you what I did but I really I really went off the rails luckily nothing bad happened but it was I was looking because it just was getting to me every single night do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do and then in the background I couldn't hear the words we just hear them like the mute the singing now I like singing and I know the benefit of it the therapeutic benefit is amazing and it's just I was caught between compassion and rage and just just through lack of sleep you know the compassion it's of you know

what I'll never know what it feels like I know it feels like to be homeless I know it feels like to be on me own and you know but I don't know what it feels like to be in a war to come from a war-torn country and hopefully I'll never know what that's like so you know from that point like totally and I wasn't very compassionate back then but even then even that kind of got me it was like yeah man go on let's get a perspective here you know I'm doing all right I've got

an okay job I've got me health kind of you know but then it's be banging on the radiators and all that would go out the window then I discovered earplugs and what was weird is I had well I moved out of that flat flat studio apartment moved to another one which is much nicer than the one I had and it didn't have people either side of me because when I had so I was kept up all night like late to like early hours and then at six o'clock every morning someone would be outside shouting up

to my next-door neighbor I guess they clean as well as some kind of early morning job I say cleaners because I can't configure any other job that would start so early because I've had those jobs myself but it could have been anything it's just a guess and I just saw so this and then I was working really hard long hours as well in a job I had plus I was drinking every night so it wasn't really good mix and I don't know why just I think it is when I hear Andre banging the radiators it

reminds me of that it reminds me not of however not of like but more I need to be more considerate because he has no consideration at all he's a fairy I know but he's unteachable he's almost just I don't know I love him though he's so this winds me up so much sometimes there too I did like about the I don't know if they're from Syria I don't there are you I did know at the time but I've forgotten but there is there was a lot of hostility between them and some of the so the

English people that were living there not me might sound like I would be but I didn't don't have that I was just annoyed by that one thing the radiators and the noise other than that I didn't care and but the what I liked is they helped each other out I could see it you know you could see it over time they'd come here they'd have nothing literally they didn't look like they even had any soap or anything then over time you could see this sort of start to smarten up they'd start to have nicer clothes

and then maybe six seven eight nine a year later they have a car and then there'd be a shop opened you know up the road and there'd be a group of them probably got together opened a cafe it's like you know what that's that's the way to do it what's this is no that's the way to do it I'm quite impressed with that because I've not seen that living in this country I've not seen that kind of behavior where people really help each other out to that level no doubt it does happen but I've not

experienced it it's very much each you know everyone for themselves and maybe close family but the idea of helping people out that aren't even necessarily related to you know get a step on the ladder and to of course it goes well not everyone wants to get onto a ladder do they might be scared of heights but I do admire that you know it's this is there's a thing sort of sometimes it's a cliche isn't it old people come over and they live like 12 to a room or whatever yeah that's just the one part of

it they live 12 to a room maybe six are working during the day six are working at night so they share in the bed you know one's asleep once they're paying a small amount of money they're saving that money you see them ten years time you look at them now you see them in a year's time or five years time and you might not see them here they go back you know if you go to the country they're from maybe in Europe or somewhere and they'll see the house they've built the you know it's always

more to it than just oh they're just sleeping all in the same room and well actually they're building something well I've dated quite a few non English I don't like the word foreigner for some reason but I've dated quite a few non English people over the years and it seems to be a practice of sending money back to the family well I wouldn't even think about it the idea is sending money money to my family I don't like sending the birthday cards never mind sending money yeah I dated a girl from a woman rather from

not Brussels you know Brussels sprouts I like Brussels sprouts I had some today not everyone likes Brussels sprouts but I don't I mean I you know I'm not one of these like well you should like it because I like it but the hostility towards them yeah but you don't like foreigners I didn't say I didn't like foreigners in fact I didn't even mention foreigners yeah you could come to that radios and stuff it's a noise thing it was a sound it was a noise thing it wasn't where they're from thing I was just giving you

the the kind of the painting the picture I mean it could have been from Egypt there might be from Iceland I don't know I don't care but it was quiet it was you know it's a war torn country why does he have to go in the carrier bags and now he's playing with it he's upside down he's literally upside down wiggling his hands in the air now he's running over to me what are you doing I caught him I caught him I caught him hello what are you doing you want my attention he wants my

attention but then he when he gets it he makes that he doesn't care so I put him on his back and I'm gonna play with his hands he likes that yes if I do that if I'm moving back a little bit that's it you like that he likes it a lot don't you yeah not enough to stay on my lap what's going on honey plum what's going on kid said you hate ferrets as well then do you if you hate everyone from all around the world I didn't say don't hate anybody stop it I never

understood why people hate people I just don't really get that not like groups of people individuals yeah I do you know someone's you know if someone's borrowed your socks and then they've given them back but they haven't washed them if you don't realize they haven't washed them then you got to put them on and you think oh my god what's inside this sock yeah it could be you know yeah that could be an emotional experience but outside of that oh yeah I had this girlfriend shoot I don't know not Belfast where was it Bruges not

Bruges belly belly angel no Romania that's it Romania and it's quite weird because when I first met her I met her at the Buddhist Center and she was really really smiley and I thought oh I'll just say hello to her which I did and I sort of saw her walking down the street either that or we weren't or we might have actually been in tour anyway we were talking at one point and I said so what do you do it's straight away she went she went on the defensive what do you think I do I

was like excuse me what do all you used Eastern European women do I said prostitute and I didn't I said I don't know I genuinely like I don't know because I was just asking because I lived in London in the past and I've met people from all over the world that had all kinds of jobs multicultural you know I mean that there it's not there is no typical you know now people from everywhere doing everything and she's like there's only two jobs they do isn't it cleaner or health care worker I said alright so where

do you clean she said no I'm a health care worker just like I don't care I said look first of all you gotta realize that first I don't care where you're from and as far as what you do I don't care what you do as long as you pay for everything when we go out you pay for it and that's all that matters really as long as I get my needs met that's that's really what this is about she said well I said I really like your smile it was very much a language barrier which

I thought I used to my advantage a little bit so I said something and I thought well perhaps I shouldn't have said that and she didn't hear me the first time I didn't understand it I'd sort of change it to something completely different so this that's probably why the relationship lasted so long because we both didn't understand what each other was saying I actually did look I've got an app a Romanian app and it turns out that she spent the last two weeks trying to sort of say we need to talk it's not me it's

you no it's not you it's me well then but I didn't understand what she was saying so she was trying to dump me for two weeks in the end she moved to Amsterdam I'm moving around to my chair a lot I don't think I could move around more even if I had piles very much sitting like a hemorrhoid so yeah I she used to send money back to her parents and no she didn't she sent money I think she sent some money back to a grandmother but she also sending money because she was building her

own home unless that was someone else I dated and my name but loads of people said money and when I was doing security I would have a lot of people from Africa all of them all of them sent money for all of the ones I work with I don't mean every single African person that worked in London just the ones that I got to know and I got to know a lot and that's the first thing I said to them really you sending money home to you to your parents to family and they said it's

quite often they'd say who are you how did you get into my bedroom no did it would be I used to go I used to like I don't know why I was used to go on with African men there's many I didn't not know many African women but lots of men there was security guards lots like from yeah quite groovy I don't know why I just got on with them always every single one of them well a lot of them this is so generalization me isn't it but very into education the amount of people so

I'd meet English security guards and they'd be doing the job and they'd go home and they'd do that that's what they'd be doing it'll be a job but the amount of Africans down there that were there and they were doing coursework because those students maybe with the Open University so they were getting their degree whilst they were working you know getting paid to do a degree basically or I suppose now you'd have to pay in them days used to get be able to do it for free the only Open University not now it's expensive baby

very expensive what if I'd sent any money home if I went anywhere I think the problem and I think this is something that is one of the real causes for English people to be they don't admit but I think it's like a hostility got nothing to do with race got nothing to do with colour got nothing to do with the stuff that kind of some people make out or even they make out I think it's they just some people feel oh they don't have the option to go somewhere where they can earn more money than

here and that's that's just annoys people because they'd love you know to go somewhere and to earn more money and then come and then come back you know a year later and have a nice little bit of cash or send money back and build something a house or something we can't do that unless we go to go work on an oil rig because they get paid a lot of money I think okay it's some kind of work in Quebec is it got out to whistle Quebec is it Quebec and the Middle East you know the

if you get a job there some of those places pay really well my brother was thinking about doing that and I said who tried Iraq and that's quite a nice place to work I've not heard him yet he went over there a few years ago I haven't since I'm not sure how what he's up to and he was he had a job with someone called Saddam something I can't remember yeah this is 20 years ago so I don't know how he got on but maybe he made his fortune yeah he had a job making mustaches

for people who had alopecia of the top lip it's a common thing apparently and because having mustaches is so very important especially if you're into politics and stuff having alopecia of the top lip is a real problem so my brother he that was his speciality making mustaches for for people who have top lip alopecia and mainly men but you know he went where the work was and he did really well but I how he got on because apparently he said he said something about his boss being a bit of a dictator I thought he's just

over you know overreacting come on he said that Saddam he's always has to get his own way he said whenever we play ping-pong always has to win come on what's wrong letting him win I mean you are lovers after all that's part of a relationship sometimes you have to well not have to but it's nice just let the other person win a game of ping-pong we call it table tennis here but I think our place is called a ping-pong funny though because we call it table tennis but we can call the table tennis ball a

table tennis ball or a ping-pong ball and if you go to certain places oh this is a very international podcast this and you can see certain tricks done with ping-pong balls in I think Thailand and Sudan there's a lot of magic tricks with ping-pong balls see yeah it's it's um that's one thing that is this is a shame that's it's the most beautiful countries in the world are economically not doing so great you know so like trying to think of a beautiful country yeah visit Brazil you know there's so many isn't there it's only like

really exotic that's what I mean exotic I suppose every country is beautiful and especially if you you really into your country and stuff and the place like the Philippines but then you suppose then you have got the places that are doing well Australia and Canada they're beautiful countries and of course America it's got some great amazing places and so is England as well and Scotland and Wales and and yeah I suppose the islands lovely everywhere it's lovely but when I think of exotic I suppose I'm thinking like Jamaica which I'd never go never go somewhere

to be too scared to go to Jamaica and but it's you see some of the most beautiful places the play you know I don't know I do sometimes think that why doesn't the richest man in the world Mr.

Amazon why doesn't he just say you know well let's just let's start transforming some of these places and you know getting some equality so I came to Jamaica and say you know what let's make sure that everybody has everything they need so everybody has the same chances you know so there's no more shanty towns and if you know and then just up the road multi million pound dollar dollar like mentions you know and beautiful beaches that are private for holiday makers but just up the road is people that have got nothing you know so it's

like let's make it be even yeah I quite like the idea of that I'm not the idea of seeing and they're doing a magic ping-pong trick as well I mean I think about learning how to do it myself I don't know how it's gotta be a magic ping-pong trick magic book somewhere how to online I should search or should search me I remember a day a Spanish girl a woman she was 19 but I was 24 so in a way I class myself still as being a boy in her being a girl but she was

a woman there's definitely a woman and I was kind of still a boy already the communication was awful but I think it helps me I think when the people that I'm with don't understand what I'm saying and they like me better because then I can't sort of I can't say the wrong things I can but I can get away with it and it's that also if you if you date someone that's from another country you know like different language and there's enough communication you can meet in the middle you know sort of broken English and

maybe well I don't speak any other languages but you can pretend to be interested in their language and learning it so that that's quite a nice icebreaker I did that when I was in Bulgaria I met a few waitresses there in a cocktail bar and I was they were really interested in learning a bit of English from me so I was teaching them and I was pretending to listen to their their language and I learned a little bit but I just forgot it as soon as they told me just like for some reason it didn't

retain in my head the is it Dar I think Dar is or that might be Polish again I work with a bunch of Polish people in London and they used to teach me Polish so going there every day and they teach me some words and I did learn a few like Dar is yes I think and in Bulgaria when they nod their head yes it means no and no means yes which doesn't make any sense and I still think it's a lie and as far as I'm aware there's nowhere else in the world that does

that so that's very it doesn't make doesn't make sense to me but apparently it's true and I found that out the hard way so sir yeah I like Bulgaria there was the same kind of like weird you know staying in a hotel it wasn't a top-notch hotel it was okay the food man I'd wish I took a packed lunch on the whole holiday really the food was really not I didn't enjoy the food every day I'd go and get a pizza because there was a pizza parlor there and and I'd get a pizza because I

couldn't eat the food they had very unusual food and it affected my stomach and there's more to it as well I won't tell you but it affected yeah there was something I've never something to happen I've never sat seen happen before so I don't know why but the the okay I'm not sure how to word this yeah had a physiological effect on me maybe it was being high up maybe it's an altitude thing because we were in the mountains not right in the mountains we were high up yeah it was beautiful when I actually when

I went there I had a cold I got on the plane with a cold honestly I woke the day before I was coughing sneezing had a headache I really felt ill and I felt that way on the plane and I stepped off the plane and all the symptoms left as soon as I breathed in the Bulgarian air and it was the winter it was March I think February or March but it was winter there snowy it was a snowboarding holiday yeah and my cold left instantly so I'm thinking maybe I'm part Bulgarian and I should

have you know maybe I've got that in my genes so it was the right air for me I was thinking about how when I went to France I didn't sunburn the first time my entire life first time since as well because I sunburn if I go in the Sun didn't sunburn I went brown not brown brown but brown brown yeah I don't know just suntanned but not I don't I'm too my skin's never gonna go to too dark I don't think it's turning some like I'm a racist rant and it's really not it's not no

I wasn't brown I just I always go red I'm red in the winter you know and I didn't I didn't sunburn I tanned and I started thinking maybe it's because my front my mum's family side was French so maybe it was the French air that did it and I started thinking maybe the reason I've gotten so well with all my African friends when I was doing security is because perhaps I'm African is I mean apparently everyone originates from Africa originally so maybe that's it so perhaps or maybe somewhere along the line because I've got ginger

and I've got twins so that's in my DNA ginger and twins not necessarily together because that would just be like a horror movie wouldn't it I now annoyed ginger ginger people and and twins so brilliant who else can I upset so I I've done Syrians I don't know if that was serious serious Syrians Syrian people all I know is there was no women who's all men in the YMCA not one woman and they kept letting the fire alarm off because I mean literally my next-door neighbor this is totally true there was a fire the fire

alarms were going off all the time this time the fire alarm went off and I could smell smoke and smoke was pouring out of underneath the door of the neighbor so I'm not kicking the door in to get to help him and he's just standing there at the cooker and the things on fire and he's just like I'll put it out in a absolutely no like really there's a hundred and twenty people living in this block because there's quite a few people living there's a lot of flats little like studio things like I said I

said can you put the fire out please which is not a sentence you should normally need to say and he said I'll put it out as long as you don't pretend that you kick the door in like some kind of macho man I said what do you mean he said well you just opened the door you knocked politely I said to come in and you open the door and you came in so don't be telling people that you knocked the door and you knocked it down with your big strong shoulders I said why would I

say that he said because you lie constantly on those podcasts you make by the way I'm not from Syria I'm from Afghanistan I said so what why should I care he said because you're gonna just talk about we're from Syria like it's all the same place it's not the same place I said I didn't say it was the same place I just don't care where you're from he said why not I said I don't care where anyone's from he said well fair enough people rude though it's not rude you're the one that's what can you

put the fire out please we can talk afterwards okay then put the fire out put the fire out yeah so yeah I think I probably got on better with the refugees and I did with the people living there that were from this country because I think the refugees were a better class of people generally they they were here they were there because they literally had lost everything in a war as opposed to some other people are there because they're you know bad decisions which we will make her times I know I have I've made thousands

of bad decisions that's what other foreigners are they in this chair is squeaking you hear that I don't like squeaky chairs damn sound like you like anything today especially foreigners I didn't say I didn't like foreigners I don't even use the word foreigners it's too much of a wide word plus I can't spell it if anything I probably prefer yeah I think when I was in London I would prefer talking and meeting women for other countries than ones from this country just I just found them more interesting and London I don't know what it's like

now because I haven't lived there for a long time but when I was there it was honestly you can meet people from everywhere everywhere every part of the world I thought that was quite cool I mean genuinely when I moved away from London I was sitting on a bus and it felt wrong I didn't couldn't figure out what it was it just didn't feel right because I'd lived in London for like 12 years so you know all through from my late teens until my early 30s or 31 and I'm just like oh something so when

I was it's about 2002 I was like there's something weird here first of all the bus was quiet don't get that in London I mean we do sometimes but it it could be quiet noisy at times and what used to be and I realized that first of all any talking I could hear was all in English which I wasn't used to and secondly everyone on there was white I was like oh and it was I think the first time in 12 years I've been on a bus or public transport that had just white people on

it was weird it's like oh my goodness I said God missed this no I didn't I didn't I'm back with my people I went around cuddling and kissing everyone no it just was weird because I was used to being around people from everywhere in hearing all different accents and all different not just yeah it wasn't just about hearing people from other countries but also from every part of the country so in London you get people from Birmingham Wales wherever you know if you just stay in one place like in a little town you still might

get to meet people from other places because you know people meet each other and move and that but I mean I was gonna say we all have wheels but we don't do it so that'd be a weird sentence but in London you could work with someone that would be it's amazing it's not just international but national as well so you'd end up working in a company that has people from all over the world also people from Liverpool Scotland Wales Nottingham Norfolk I can't think of anywhere else Manchester Birmingham as well as maybe a few people

from London as well so so London's away again it was probably very different now to the way it used to be everything changes but you everything everything changes eventually don't it but the I don't know because I used to live in Stratford and it started changing when I was there because they were building a train a railway network a big station it was supposed to be the connection to the Channel Tunnel was supposed to be coming in to Stratford as well and then they built another another big platform train network and not long before I

left London they'd put up this big it started working on some of the area where the the London Olympics were going to be in 2012 even though they didn't have I don't think they had the contract or even the get-go but they had space they had the space even if the Olympics hadn't have been gone through they hadn't have won the Olympics for that year I reckon that area still would have been turned into something because it was a huge huge area of waste ground that was no longer being used massive massive area which you

don't see there's quite a few actually there are a lot of pockets of London that are just areas that aren't used they're kind of hidden big bits of ground like Buckingham Palace that's one a lot of ground a lot of area that's not really being used for anything lots of parks which they could build stuff on could definitely have more supermarkets in London than they do yeah as if they turned Buckingham Palace into a big massive shopping mall that'd be cool I'd like to go there do we call them malls in this country and that's

an American term isn't it shopping mall we would normally say shopping center in England but we're our language and our euphemisms or whatever is very very Americanized more and more over the years I mean it's it's mildly interesting at the normal oh I've got a message here a message from Bella thanks for all the posts I need to go through and write them down so I can access and I said they're all on my website www.

jasonnewland.com thank you for sending these along so that's a message from her and then she said I was saying didn't realize you hate all foreigners I don't just 73% no I don't at all I'm just talking about it was about a radiator thing that's all I've got a message from Rachel so just a sending love out to Rachel has been having a bad day with pain today and this is listen to my podcast help take her mind off it so that's cool thanks Rachel hope you well and I don't think there are any other messages

there might be I just might not know what they are sometimes and always aware of what the messages are but sometimes I am it really depends on whether or not I'm aware of what the what the messages are that makes sense well I did a deep sleep whisper session earlier that was okay but the microphone was clicking so I had to keep going through and editing out the clicks it was like a bit annoying slightly and now my glasses have caught up in the oh yeah my internet's been going slow for weeks and last night

it got to the point where it was so it wasn't even quick enough to stream the internet on the telly you know like YouTube or Netflix you only need I think four four megabytes a second for Netflix I should be getting 39 megabytes a second on my I'm supposed to have super fast but that's not super fast super fast is like a hundred megabytes a second or something but that's the most that they can offer in this area where I live so I'm paying the top price range to get that but it's just really gone

bad so I phoned them yesterday I should have led with this shouldn't I not talked about radiators yes because then you wouldn't think that you hated everyone in the world it wasn't you know that wasn't white I didn't say that God man Klu Klux Klan Jason that's why I was going to call me now brilliant thank you very much and I phoned up the internet provider you know it said to me it said to me how can I confirm your name they also got do you so can I confirm your name and can I confirm

the name of the account holder was me and it's one of the firm a few things telephone number said really said yeah I said okay I had to read off my phone and he mumbled something okay he was I think he was in another he was in a call center in another country oh this is getting bad so I couldn't really understand everything he was saying but he probably I don't think he could understand everything I was saying either but that's a good thing about call centers because communication isn't important especially when you're on the

phone and he was really good because he sorted out my internet so and he did it really quickly and what he said though right at the beginning he said you that racist that hate Syrians I said no I never said that he said no I think you did say something about you yet you are you a white supremacist is that you Jay you do the hypnosis stuff you pretend to do that but you're actually it's a cover for world domination for the white race I said no it's not me at all you really are exaggerating

this this nothing I said nothing of the sort I don't have those thoughts he said well you're talking for someone who doesn't have them you're definitely talking about it a lot I said no but it's he said don't worry about it I know you're okay I said oh thanks he said that's fine and sent me some flowers it was lovely anyway he he said to me oh and he mumbled something that wasn't an accent I wasn't doing an accent I was doing a mumble it was an impression of a mumble it was not an impression

of somebody with a different accent from another country okay just on a pedestrian and he said to me saucer we could he didn't he had an accent he had an accent but I don't know I can't remember what it was Syrian I think no no I don't know but he might be an Australian that's it he said was fine I can speak to you because you're on our list of vulnerable people I said all right then okay and then I thought when you've gone on about you know the thing that's very popular at the moment

on the news and it annoyed me because I'm thinking to myself well you should be speaking to me because I pay for your services because I probably pay about 800 pound a year maybe more to use your services so yeah you should be talking to me and dealing with me regardless of vulnerability status or mental health issues or any of that stuff or whether you know regardless of what's going on in the world you should be dealing with me because I pay for this service I'm not just a random customer that wants to order food

on the internet or wants to order delivery I'm all paying now for this service and have been five years you've had thousands of pounds out of me I didn't say that because he was you know serving me he was gonna talk to me but if I hadn't been on the list it wasn't gonna deal with me this is going too far now I'm getting a bit annoyed of it now it's like no no no no as it is I've now blacklisted maybe not the right word to be using but I've um what's another better word

than blacklisted um blue board no blue board blue balls I've got rid of that's it I've got rid of Sainsbury's well I got rid of them like still going I've decided Sainsbury's they didn't deliver literally didn't deliver when I needed them to and now they're kind of they're lax in a little bit now they're not being quite so precious they're not being prejudiced against people that don't have physical disorders but they're being prejudiced against people that were well and they were being prejudiced against people physically well and people that were perhaps mentally not well prejudice

is prejudice whichever way it goes so I'm like no no no Sainsbury's you can you can suck my left bum cheek that's it so I feel about Sainsbury's I actually did an order online I found a slot luckily I remembered I don't have any money to buy any food or to buy any stuff because it's the first of the month coming up and I let the bills go out my bank and I caught myself just before I ordered this well I did order it and I cancelled it so I found a delivery for Sunday or

Saturday evening and I ordered all this stuff and I thought you know what because I could have reduced it to like half and still bought some stuff I thought no I don't like Sainsbury's anymore it's supposed to be about the customer not about the company if you go into a coffee shop they don't tell you what coffee you're gonna be drinking you tell them what you want to drink you know go into a bar and they say yep you're having a whiskey and that's it doesn't work like that they're not in charge so yeah yeah

I'm not not not I might actually order something with them next week so I'll have some money then so yeah but at the moment I was sticking to my guns for this one but next week it might change I do do quite nice tea cakes but it's just wound me up like come on it's just I thought one thing that I'd be able to do in a situation where the shops closed we can't go out and stuff is I can order stuff online I'll be fine that was my thinking right at the beginning of all

this rubbish it's like I could order stuff online and I ended up I've ended up buying stuff on Amazon and paying nearly twice as much money sometimes to get a delivery of the same stuff that would cost me half the price in Sainsbury's but because I couldn't get delivery from there what other choice was there other than going out to the local shops every every day or every two days I'd rather just get a bulk delivery of you know bog roll stuff toilet roll lavatory paper that's it that's it so I've got 700 toilet rolls

of all mine I thought about and I didn't do it but I thought about sticking loads of toilet rolls all over my jacket and all down my trousers maybe making a little a little crown of toilet rolls for my head and just walking around the streets like that this was during the the rush for toilet rolls you know a couple of months back didn't do though kind of wish I had kind of wish I hadn't started talking about radiators earlier I can't believe his career was going so well then he started talking about radiators and

it turns out he's basically like he's a fascist I can't believe it you know what someone actually called me a fascist on I don't know what something I said something I don't know I think it's about Donald Trump and maybe posted something or replied to someone's post and something or said something on one of the podcasts and about a month earlier I was the most amazing person ever my podcast was so amazing and wonderful and you know and then a few weeks later he called me a fascist and really I mean it's it's not weird

how you know if you if you say something that's the people disagree with their whole it's almost like the whole world crumbles but come on man get a grip stop taking yourself so damn seriously come on have a little jingle come on a little jangle a little dance come on a little dance with me come on let's dance on the on the ceiling like old Lionel said come on dancing on the ceiling what a feeling yeah my brother made his moustache he does have alopecia at the Lionel Richie made his moustache and what other people

Charlie Chaplin I know not Charlie Chaplin the other bloke that is similar moustache it's a little bit angrier I had off yeah so he did his moustache yeah I think I mentioned that one of my podcasts and I'm mentioning the name that must mean I must be a super fan of that person yeah no actually I was watching a bit of the film 1914 earlier yesterday and it's grim I didn't watch the whole thing but not much humor I'll be honest it's not it's not really a humorous scenario to be fair but I mean there

might be some humor later on but it needs to be humor in everything because otherwise it's not realistic everything has not everything but you know the overall scenario will have humor so even if there's like a really gritty drama there might be part of the characters some of the characters that you know there is no room for humor there but some of the other people might have a laugh you know maybe the police or the ambulance driver or the hearse driver or you know and they'll be like telling jokes and stuff during the autopsy I

don't know you know just it's all general life see a alopecia of the top lip my beard so wrong right now I do look like some kind of Serbian dictator oh god now he's having to go to Serbia I'm not I'm not oh oh dear man I mean although I do sometimes wonder where the Chinese names come from there's a lot of wing wongs and yang and yong and pong and I don't know gay shouldn't have said that I don't mean it in a kind of a weird way just in a I just wonder where

because I generally don't know from a culture perspective because I've got no interest I didn't learn anything at school other than there's certain things there's certain holes you shouldn't drill shouldn't drill a hole in certain walls the school and but generally I didn't learn that much and I know some cultures it used to be very confusing when I did sales is to sort of say yeah my name is this and it's okay but they wouldn't say it correctly they'd say their surname first and then the first name second and some people read backwards they read

from back to front and then other cultures believe in superstitions like it's real how are we supposed to have world peace if you still believe in that stuff you know I'll tell you what I'll do I'll let go of the two fairy I'll give up on that one two fairy unicorns I'll let them two go if you let some of your stuff go come on come on let's have some open minds here come on let's see the let's see the squeaky doors as you are as your minds open a little bit come on let's summon

the summon the sawdust out come on clean away some of the cobwebs it's open open a little gap a bit of knowledge from the last cut a hundred years in come on let's summon that in come on come on now he's having to go people with belief systems oh man he's really really going down the depths no I'm not I'm not I love people with limited belief systems can you imagine I'll tell you what I'm just so thankful that there's science because it was still if we were still if the whole world were backward and

like we used to be and sort of ignored ignored science because you know apparently it's totally true when hypnosis was one of the first things to help with chronic pain and to help the people during operations I know my hypnosis history and and ether it came in and it was much easier it was dangerous to start with until they found out the right amount to do and it was easier than having someone talking to a person saying focus on that lamp and you are feeling relaxed I won't suck your blood you know that kind of

stuff that all hypnotists do and sound like and he made fun of Romania again Dracula was from Transylvania you know that Romania you're just so hateful no I'm not one of my girlfriends was from Transylvania and yeah there was a theory that we were supposed to feel pain during operations it was a sign of it's the the idea is that's what God wanted so people should feel it and a lot of people actually believed that including the patients they believed it and some people refused to have the medication some some doctors surgeons refused to give

pain relief for that simple reason because that's you know we're supposed to supposed to feel that pain is almost like a penance or some kind of gift for our sins oh because my great-great-great-grandmother had a bloody apple off a tree yum-yum-yum-yum couldn't stop eating apples yeah all right then you can yes it like yeah you can eat off every tree but this one it's just like yeah okay all true though you know all true all true I wonder you mentioned if there was you know if the inevitable happens and then in 2,000 years time or

thousand years time somebody digs up a book but it's the only book there's no other historical books no other books but just this one book and for some reason they're able to read yeah and it's a Harry Potter book you imagine how that would transform or if it was Mein Kampf again I keep going back to it I'm not I'm just saying if it was one particular book you know how that would change because people think oh this is real this is what really happened because I won't understand the concept of fiction or you know

fascism and stuff like that I guess this recording is way too long I just want it to be over but yeah the best thing about that the world is full of wonderful people they are very spread out I mean the world's big that's what I mean spread I wonder how many people I've actually met that were nice I met a Canadian woman years ago she was at the Elephant and Castle and I really liked her but she she couldn't get over the fact that I thought she was American yeah she kept saying I'm not American

I said are you sure she said no I'm not I said come on don't mess about she said no I'm not come on why are you why are you just playing why don't you just admit it so I didn't know that America I mean for me I can hear American and Canadian sounds different but I think back then it didn't but now I can hear the difference there's a big difference in in in accent but then Canada is gonna have a different accent depending on where you come from Canada and America it's the same with

different places so it's you know it's not just oh you're American you've got an American accent but actually how many different American accents are there loads about saying to someone oh you've got an English accent someone from Liverpool and someone from London although there isn't really there seem to be a London accent anymore but they used to be and they said Liverpool and Nottingham different acts very different accents you say oh you from you've got an English accent yeah but it's very different from the other one isn't it but then I've met people that are

from other countries that seem to sound like they've got the same accent but they probably don't I can't believe I stopped talking I'm gonna say like Chinese people that I've met they seem to have a very similar kind of way of talking when they talk English but I'm sure it sounds very different it's like oh you're from you're from Qingcheng and the other one says I am yeah and you're from who who who who yeah where are you from I'm from wang wang we were okay and what about you hink on hink on on that's

okay and I don't know the names of places but it sounds there might not be right to make it up and Spanish as well Italian yeah well I just pick on every single place no Italian that's it I'm sure there must be different regional dialects and accents in Italy but I don't notice it when I hear Italian speaking with an Italian or speaking English with an Italian accent it seems to all this could be different from if they're from or from pizzeria or maybe from ravioli well I don't know wherever they're part of the Italy

they're from Gamboli soprano E it could be lots of different it's gonna have the word E at the end of it isn't it or E going down how are you I'm fine thank you very much sir I'd like to hear a talk about that hello how are you doing today I'm doing really well there's someone that used to work insurance place and they used to do that it wasn't and he wasn't Italian I don't think but and I listened to the cause and he used to make me laugh because he'd say something and then it

was it always be a yeah at the end of the sentence so he said oh good morning welcome to this insurance company I'll be laughing I couldn't help it and it says so before we start I just take your name please it's really hard listening it's hard it's like oh yeah and it got even weirder so it says before we go any further are you the, for this policy, are you the only driver it was just yeah I do think some of the people nothing you know so call centers not just you know ones that

in other places but did you need to be able to communicate on the phone with your target audience is it gotta be important it's just like a standard prerequisite I would say but maybe I'm wrong, maybe I'm wrong, maybe I'm wrong, it's possible, it's really one that I Russians, Russians are taller than me Russians you know I don't want to go anywhere where people are just moving too quickly Russian get it yeah wonder why they're so tall I met a lot of people from Russia Croatia very tall very very very tall we may be they're

the only ones who are allowed to leave the country maybe it's like a fairground ride you have to be a certain height before you can get on one of their planes so anyone under six foot three is not allowed out of Soviet Union or something so I'm probably gonna bring this recording to an end which is probably a good idea and it's too late to make any of the recordings because now quarter past five and I've been talking for about an hour and 50 minutes which is ridiculous I should have finished an hour ago or

50 minutes ago and then uploaded this and made another recording of relaxation but now the birds are singing outside the stats are going quite well I know that you like to hear about that see how just in about five and a half thousand last few days which is quite nice I don't seem to be able to go under the 4,000 anymore seems to that seems to be the the ceilings now pushed up too far so even if I don't release a new recorded and still above 4,000 today this is nice oh yeah so I got

the internet sorted and he basically said oh he said because so many people are working from home at the moment it's blocking up the different channels which is why the Internet's getting slow for me so he put me on a different channel and he also is going to send me a new internet hub but my one's five years old because I've been with them for five years so as I said I spent thousands of pounds with them and he said I'm not going to charge you anything it's going to be free free delivery I said

I know I'm paying for it I'm paying for a service I'm paying for supposed to be 39 gigabytes a second he I didn't say that I said thank you bye that's it and straight away afterwards I checked the internet connection and it was getting faster sort of straight away and I had to change a password and everything a while for out of interest I thought okay so at that time I was getting about 21 megabytes a second which was a lot better than three megabytes a second and then I thought let me see what it

is with just the data you know the mobile data without the Wi-Fi I was because I just did the internet test I was getting 70 megabytes a second so I'll test this now I'll tell you exactly so I'm going to test the broadband right now it's it's a speed check app this is testing download because now just on the Wi-Fi so look it's moving very quickly so it's working good so basically it's 32.

90 megabytes per second stability 95. 7 percent transmitted data 46 megabytes upload 6. 57 megabytes stability 91.

4 percent transmitted data 5 megabytes so it's basically five out of five for email browsing gaming streaming and video chat so that's really good you know as far as it's not I mean 32% is still a lot higher than it was earlier it usually takes a day or two to get to like its peak apparently so I'm going to do now is I'm going to go out of that I'm going to turn off Wi-Fi go into mobile data and turn that on okay I'm going to do the same thing I'm just going to test the

speed check test again straight away right high Wow it's on a different level and the upload Wow so here's what I've got this is just for the the mobile data download 71.

01 megabytes per second and the data transmitted was 99 megabytes just in that short time stability 99. 3 percent upload this is what surprised me upload is more on the internet data than it is on the Wi-Fi download so this is 33.

5 megabytes a second upload 89% stabilized stability they transmitted 30 megabytes so the the actual phone data is so much faster it's ridiculous absolutely ridiculous in fact I'm going to see whether or not I can upload something to my phone and it is I'm uploading it with my data and I couldn't upload it I spent not hours but I tried many times trying to upload to Facebook a three and a half minute video of Andre in the field and I'm now doing it just with the data on the phone so no Wi-Fi and it's three

calls done already oh no it's nearly done it's 80% there and it's now pretty much finishing that's something that even the Wi-Fi couldn't do three days ago when I first made this video I tried to upload it about about 10 15 times and it's uploaded done Wow and because this is 4G I don't even know how large the file is let me just have a look wonder if it's this is my mobile data is turned off for photos wonder no it's not giving me the size never mind don't know so what I'm going to do

is come out of the I want to try twist I want to twist it so I'm going to come out of mobile data go to Wi-Fi come out of there Wi-Fi on so let's see if I can upload that to Facebook now upload it again so if I what's on my mind photo video so see whether or not it'll upload with the data on the Wi-Fi yeah it is so I'm just going to delete it as soon as it uploads because I don't need two of them on there but it's going pretty much as quickly

as the data mobile data that's Wow because I got 4G on the mobile and it's like 70 megabytes is 30 60 it's you know it's more than double the speed but this is just uploaded on Wi-Fi really quickly as well it's now finishing Wow just goes to show that I was here everything was going slow for days and days and days I'm just now going to delete that delete the post and now it's all sorted so I shouldn't really moan but wow so I've ordered an Ethernet cable for the iPad so that I can because

that's going to take up a lot of juice with editing because I'm going to be doing audio editing on there and possibly some video editing so it's going to you know I need the internet I'm going to be uploading videos I need proper like connection direct to source probably to upload videos unless of course the internet does hold up we should be cool if it does but yeah so that's it I'm definitely going now and I'll listen to the radio as something to eat and maybe I'll just go to bed I can't believe I've been

talking for two hours this is what happens when I talk for two hours I end up talking about well I talk about nothing every time don't I really but this is spectacularly very silly indeed why it's not telling me how much each one three times have not been in uploaded to iCloud okay favor I wonder what doesn't let me know how if you heard that that was me that's a video anyway on I go thank you for listening remember to be kind to yourself because you do deserve to be happy to do something nice for

yourself today lots of love bye