#378 Let me bore you to sleep - Jason Newland (17th April 2020)

Hello and welcome to Jason Newland dot com. My name's Jason Newland. This is Let Me Bore You to Sleep with the sound effects of a smelly little ferret eating his dry food.

Off the carpet. So what he does is, because they're quite big pellets of food and he picks it up with his mouth. He can't use a knife and fork.

And he drops it on the floor and then he crunches it up with his teeth into smaller bits. And then he picks up the smaller bits with his teeth. But in the process he bites part of the carpet at the same time.

Yeah, that's, uh, I'm not sure how exciting that was for you. But I shared it anyway. So I got a few, I got a few, um, thank yous I need to do before I proceed.

Did I say only listen when you can safely close your eyes? Hmm. Well, I should have done. If I didn't, I did now.

I have done now. But I didn't before. Maybe.

And that's cause I did. Then I said it twice. Yep.

So it's a few things I need to just say thank you for. I want to thank the world. I want to thank the world for everything.

I'm trying to actually record this. I'm recording it obviously on the podcast, but I'm trying to transcribe it at the same time as recording it, which is something that I've never really attempted before. I don't think.

Although I might have done. Hmm. Maybe I have done.

I'm not sure. So it's a bit of a weird setup really. So I've got my tablet, which I'm using to record.

My voice and the using the software, the speaker, and I'm using the phone to dictate. Not to record my voice, but to type it out as I'm speaking. It's a weird old setup.

A little bit distracting if I'm honest, but it might give me an opportunity to start proceeding with writing a book. Possibly. So that's kind of where I'm going with this.

And I need to test out some different ways of doing it. I downloaded an app called Dragon Anywhere, which I've used in the past. And how can Andre have all that paper and just do it right on the edge of the paper? It's weird because he's got the paper, right? He's got the paper, but he doesn't actually like standing on the paper.

I think it's a bit slippery for him. He kind of slides a little bit and he doesn't like it. And I imagine that would be like sitting on a toilet with the toilet seat, just like sliding around all over the place like a tumble dryer.

Well, I guess a tumble dryer, if it was a bit lighter with the tumbling effect, would be sliding around the floor, especially if it was on top of a toilet and light enough obviously to do that. And one of those machines that you can... Remember the things in the gyms, you could put the strap around your stomach and it would just shake. Like that.

So I used to like that machine, even when I was like 14 and I didn't have a belly to shake. It's still nice. I still liked it.

Yeah. Especially sort of around my back, my lower back. It's kind of strange really when you think about it because I've got lower back stuff and nothing major, but it's still, you know, it's difficult.

It's a little bit uncomfortable at times and that. But I used to love that vibrating machine, vibrating and massaging my lower back, which I suppose is the pelvic bone or the pelvic area and my buttocks as well. Buttocks.

Whenever I say buttocks or buttocks, I think of Forrest Gump. My buttocks. And I just, I could really do with that machine right now.

Although I imagine that particular machine has long truly been chucked in the rubbish tip as it was, it, you know, it didn't even look new back in 1984. And what were we, 94, 2004, 2014, 2020. So it's, yeah, it's over 10 years old, isn't it? So it's going to be probably not, don't you mean 36? Yeah, 36 is over 10 years, isn't it? Oh, you need to be more specific.

No, I don't. No, I don't. No, I don't.

Don't, don't, don't, don't, don't. So yeah, the first person, well, the first people I'd like to thank is those of you that have been downloading stuff from my website, taking advantage of the wonderful opportunity of the bulk downloads that I'm offering. So that's cool.

I'm glad that's been used. It took me ages to set all that up. So it's nice to know that it's appreciated.

So that's cool. Or useful is really more the word I'm looking for. Also to let you know that I'm tired.

I haven't had my dinner yet. It's nearly two o'clock in the morning. I've not had my dinner.

I don't know if you've noticed, but the quality of the sound is actually better on this tablet than before, which is a bit weird. It's a little bit more, not hassle, but a bit more stuff to use to make the recording. It takes up a bit more space.

But it's also weird because I can see the gauge on it showing that my voice gets a bit higher at times. And I don't realize, I think it must be that I get a little bit excited and the volume raises somewhat. So yeah.

So who do I want to thank? I've got lots of people I want to thank. Loads and loads and loads of people. Let me have a look.

First of all, I want to thank everyone for listening, because for some reason, I pretty much don't go below 4,000 downloads a day now. I just hear someone. Oh, I can't believe he's only 10 minutes in and he's talking about his stats again.

I'm not going to talk about it. I'm just, I'd just like to see if you do something like this and things like statistics actually become interesting. I never used to be particularly interested in statistics.

I suppose a little bit when I was doing sales, but outside of that, not really. But in this situation, it's, I don't know, it's not really statistics as in the mathematical, equational, whatever it is. It really just is the numbers.

But I've now got another podcast that has reached a 200,000 mark. So I've got two now that are over 200,000. One's 209 and one's just reached 200.

The next one to go above 200, it looks like it's going to be Deep Sleep Whisper, which is 170,000. And yeah, Let Me Boy the Sleep is 126,000. And the Relaxation for Stress and Anxiety, 141,000.

So it's going to be a little bit of a race between that one and Deep Sleep, because a Deep Sleep Whisper, I'm getting about a thousand downloads a day on the Stress and Anxiety one. Deep Sleep Whisper, it's not far off either if I do regular recordings. And let me just have a quick look.

I know some people are interested in this, even though it's not supposed to be interesting. It's a Let Me Boy the Sleep. Okay, yeah.

So the Deep Sleep Whisper I get is less than the other one. So the best I've had this month was 756 downloads. That was two days ago.

The last two days, just over 500 downloads on the Deep Sleep Whisper. Although I only did one in the last two days. So it can rise and go, but it can rise and go, but I wasn't even a sentence.

You just agree and when you just like, yeah, can you just move on, please? There's nothing to see here. And yes, it's quite amazing. So literally one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.

So out of eight days, only one's been below a thousand downloads on the Relaxation Stress Podcast. And that was 752. But even yesterday, which hasn't been, it's not collated yet.

They always add a few more. But I had a thousand exactly. The day before, 1,156.

The day before, 1,299. So that's quite cool. I like that.

Very pleased. So that's a little thank you, I guess, for that. The other thing is, I genuinely, I've been thinking about this.

It's a bit soppy, and I'm not really a soppy person. You may have noticed, I'm not really, I don't know. I don't think I'm really like Mr. Sensitive.

I am sensitive towards, or maybe it's just I'm not very kind. Maybe that's what it is. I am sensitive, a little bit overly sensitive at times.

But yeah, perhaps, I don't know. Most don't come across as particularly interested in others, because I'm not. I'm genuinely not really that interested.

Well, I kind of am. Generally, I'm not. But at the same time, I kind of am.

It's a weird, a weird one. It's strange, strange to my brain. I don't get it.

So I suppose, I started to kind of come around to the idea that actually, the people listening to my recordings, and maybe those watching the videos on YouTube, but most of, I don't get that many people on YouTube really watching, but a few, but about 1,500 a month, which isn't a lot. But I'm starting to think this is kind of my family. It's like a family that I created on my own, kind of.

And I didn't create you as individuals. I'm not that powerful. I'm a very, I used to be quite virile, but not that virile, or fertile.

Fertile, to be fair, fertility, fertile sounds a bit too much like a compost heap. Don't you think? Fertile, it's very fertile soil. You mean it's got chicken poo? Yeah, very fertile.

Yeah, no, I don't know if that, very excrementy, very fertile. Anyway, yeah, so I just been thinking about that. It just felt quite nice.

I don't know why, I don't know why. I'm not, I'm not really, I'm not really into the soppy, soppy stuff. So I downloaded Dragon Anywhere.

Can't get the blimmin' thing to work. So I'm actually transcribing this recording as I talk into Word on my phone. And it's so far, unless there's a cutoff point where it only records for a certain amount of time, it's doing just as good a job as the Dragon Anywhere.

Equal, in fact, to that. So I'm thinking, well, maybe I'll just get rid of the Dragon app, because I don't need it. Because I've got, I can just do it on Word.

Just do it. I can just do it. I can just do it on Word.

I can do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, oh, ah, ah, oh, oh, on Word.

You know, it transcribes. It's what it said. I can do it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, on Word. You know, it transcribes is what it said.

I can do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, on Word. You know, it's just, and it's repeating as I'm repeating it.

It's very complicated to read. So I'm going to stop. Jason, you are very, very handsome, young man.

Oh, thank you, said Jason to the little old lady sitting at the bus stop. So I was a little bit random. I don't know what that was about.

I remember I had my nan's, actually it was my granddad's sister. And she was really close to my nan as well. Well, she's basically my nan's sister, but because they'd been married for, well, she wasn't married to her, but she was married to her brother for a little time, 50, 50 years, 51 years.

And the thing is, she was really loud, very loud, really loud, like really kind of boisterous. So I remember I was, she got on the bus and I hid. I was at the back of the bus and I hid under the chair.

Why did I do that? This is such a strange thing to do. I hid. I'm still there.

I'm recording this. I'm actually still under that chair and the bus. I don't know if she's gone or not.

I can't see. If to look, she'll see me. It's been a very long 45 years.

So let's see what else. I've just got an email here. God, bloody NHS job vacancies.

We have two new vacancies that match your requirement. Match my requirement, do they? What is my requirement? You don't know what my requirement is because I... I think what they mean is area. Healthcare support worker.

Oh no, it won't open up, will it? Because I guess, oh, it winds me up. All these different things that aren't connected to each other. I think that's why Apple is so popular.

With people. Because it connects. Everything connects to each other.

You know, the television, the iPhone, the iPad, you know, whatever. I think my brother's got an iWatch. And I've got a friend that's got an iWatch as well.

I've not wore a watch, you know, for years. I've got two nice ones. And I got one that was given to me at my friend's wedding, which was a bit weird.

Because I can get her nothing. It should be the other way around, shouldn't it? You're supposed to get a wedding gift. But she gave out gifts.

I mean, a very generous person. It was really weird. She got married after her relationship with a previous person ended.

But they'd been together like 17 years or whatever. And they sold the house. So she had half the house.

And I think she spent most of her money on the wedding. I didn't get nothing. Where's my money? She'd laugh at that, don't worry.

She would laugh at that. Where's my bloody money? I should be able to gain from people's relationships, surely. She's one of my best friends.

I haven't seen her for ages. Last time I saw her was last January. Not this year.

The year before. And I... Yeah. Yeah, it was really weird.

Because I caught gastroenteritis. How weird's that? It was really ironic. I mean, I think this is the proper term.

Oops, sorry. I'm purposely doing that. My niece... Well, she's not a newborn, but she was very old.

Probably three, six months old or something. And she was in hospital because she'd been ill. And not really anyone knew what was wrong with her.

And she ended up at the Great Auburn Street Hospital in London, which is a famous children's hospital for those that don't know. And by the way, if you're listening in England and you think that I'm talking down to you by telling you stuff that you obviously know, I'm not doing that. Generally, I'm not.

It's just so... And people in other countries, because most of the people that listen to me are from other countries, so they know what I'm talking about. That's it, genuinely. I'm not being condescending or talking down to people.

Did you understand that? I'm not. I'm not talking down to you. Do you understand? It's okay.

God, it is annoying when people do that though, isn't it? They tell you something and you're like, well, I know what it is. Sometimes I've got upset in the past when someone said something and they've explained what the word meant. And I didn't even know what the word meant, but I still got upset that they explained it to me.

When I say explained, I don't mean mansplained. I need to do a recording about stuff like that. Those new words that have crept in.

Don't you dare mansplain to me. Mansplain. Wow.

I wonder if I've ever mansplained. Maybe that's all I ever do. Maybe that is all I do all day long.

I mansplain things. Wow. As I am the originator of mansplaining.

Anyway, so my niece was in hospital. Before she went to Great Ormond Street, I visited her at the hospital she was in, which was local to where she lived, the next town. On the way there, I met up with my friend, the one that gave me a watch at her wedding as a gift.

She was with her little girl, her daughter, and we went and had lunch. It was really cool. Then I went and saw my niece for the first time.

I've not seen it before. Here's the ironic bit. We were talking, her and her mum, my brother's wife, talking about germs and it doesn't matter and not going to catch anything from the hospital.

I don't know, something like that. I think she dropped a dummy on the floor. She picked it up and put it in her mouth.

Not in the baby's mouth, but in her own mouth. It was something like that. I might have made that bit up.

Anyway, all I was thinking about was the idea of being in hospital. I was basically getting the stuff that you squirt out. I should be more specific.

The disinfectant stuff, the alcoholic thing that you squirt into your hand. I don't know what you call them. Hand sanitizers.

Oh, that's weird. Wait a minute. Hand sanitizers.

Yeah. Oh, this dictation's not worked. It only did it up to, let's be specific, and now it's just stopped working.

It's gone on too long, I think. It's not even showing what it is. Why not? Why won't it show it? Oh, oh, never mind.

Anyway, I was pouring that stuff all over my head, on my feet. I was doing everything I could to try and keep sanitized and cleanliness and all that stuff. I get home and I'm ill.

I'm ill for, I think, five days with gastroenteritis and it must have been. What else could it have been? I didn't catch it here. There's nothing Andre could do to give me anything, any kind of illness, and I live with him.

I'm very well immune to anything that he has to offer, as he is with me. If you live with someone for five years, you adapt, don't you, to the person. So I couldn't have caught anything from him.

I'm not saying I caught it from my niece, because I don't know. It just seemed weird that she was ill and then I was ill, but she had something way, way worse and way different from mine. But man, I got home.

I must have caught a bug from the hospital. It must have been either that or, I mean, it wasn't food poisoning. It was, you know, food poison doesn't last that long and it wasn't.

And it was a very humbling experience. Very humbling in the sense of gives your ego a bit of a rest in the sense of, you know, I'm really this, I'm this cool dude, and then a couple of minutes later you have to change your pants again. You know, it's just like, I'm a human being there.

And it was weird. It was like, never, never experienced anything like it in my life. It was so strange.

But anyway, that's the last time I saw her. She gave me a watch for her wedding. So I got that watch and it's in a case somewhere.

And then my friend gave me a watch on, it might have been when I moved away from the comedy club. There's a little party to sort of say goodbye to me, make sure that I was really leaving and leaving London and that. Either that or it was for my 30th birthday.

I'm not sure. It might be my 30th birthday and my friend gave me that watch for my birthday. I don't know, but it's a really nice watch.

It's still in the case. I don't wear watches, but I've kept it because it means something to me. The only problem is I don't know which one's which, which is, don't tell anyone.

No, I do. I do. I don't, but I do.

I know which one's which. Of course I do. You don't forget things that are really important.

I have not got a clue, but don't. So at least I know which one is the wedding one and which one is the other and which friend gave me them. Because, you know, special gifts like that from friends is, you know, you need to be able to know what it is that they gave you.

Have no clue. Honest, I really don't know. It's embarrassing.

So, oh dear. So I can't, I don't know why I'm talking about watches, but why do I talk about anything? But one thing I've got, I've got people to thank. I'm going to not bother with the phone anymore though.

Although I need to be a little bit careful because I'll just get rid of it. Not get rid of it, but no one's phoned me, which is good. I didn't really want anyone to, especially not when I'm doing all this.

Do not disturb. Click that. Done.

And the, do you want to sign in? Oh, I've got face recognition on my phone. It's groovy. I keep making funny faces and they still recognize me.

If you want to see what you really look like to other people, well, maybe not, but it might be. There's a thing, Bing, where you can go on your phone, the Bing app, and you can take a picture of yourself or like there and then, or you can just choose a picture of yourself and you can search the internet for someone that looks like you. It was interesting, I think.

Interesting. Not many people looked like me. What was even more, well, not interesting, but a picture of me came up, which I think is what it's really for, is to try and find that person online.

But only one picture of me came up. And there are probably hundreds, if not, yeah, hundreds of pictures of me online. Only ones that I've posted, just sort of videos.

I guess everything we put on Facebook is online, isn't it? Available. So yeah, any, all my pictures from Facebook would be on there. Wow.

So I got a, oh no, I just got a new message. This is from Hubert Shipmayer. It's Sebastian.

So Sebastian, if you're listening to this, this is a message that he's put on Facebook. Newly, stop being a three-year-old with me. That's, that's too young, even for my... Oh God.

We need to entertain the twats in Corona times. This snore fiesta of yours needs to end. I have a show title already in mind.

It's called Debasing Jason. That's quite a good name, actually, isn't it? It's going to be great fun for everyone, but you. Reporting or else.

I blocked him on Facebook. Not on Facebook. Was it Facebook? He was annoying me.

He, he's my friend, but he's basically me and Sebastian. We got on really well, but he just likes to wind me up. And I think I wind him up accidentally.

Maybe. But he wants to do a podcast on Hubert, Sebastian, whatever your real name is. And actually, I do know your real name because you sent me, I think he sent me 10 pence as a PayPal gift a couple of years ago.

He thought that would be entertaining to send a PayPal gift for 10 pence. So yeah, I do. What's wrong with my snore fiesta? I've been doing snore fiestas for years.

This is what I, I do sleepy stuff, don't I? I'm all about the sleep, baby. I'm all about the boring. Didn't you know? So, I left a contact.

Let's see what he wants. So who am I saying thank you to? Not Sebastian. And people I want to say thank you to.

I didn't have a message. Did I read the message out yesterday? I had a message. I've got one here saying, this is from Joseph Neeson.

I need your total attention for the next 24 hours or I will make sure that you live out of embarrassment for the rest of your lifespan. That's what it says here. Hello, you don't know me.

Yeah, I know everything, nearly everything concerning you, your entire Facebook contact list, phone contacts, and all the virtual activity on your computer for the past 166 days, including your master thingy video, which brings me to the primary reason why I'm crafting this specific email to you. Okay, carry on. Well, the previous time you went to the porno websites, my spyware was activated in your personal computer, which ended up saving a beautiful video footage of you self-pleasure, of your self-pleasure play.

Self-pleasure is quite poetic, by triggering your cam. You've got a seriously strange preference, by the way, lol. It's a bit of humor.

Unless that was lots of love, not laugh out loud. I have the full recording. He's not going to say I've only got like, I got five seconds, is he? Or she, whoever it is.

In the case you feel I am playing around, simply reply proof, and I will be forwarding the recording randomly to eight people you recognize. It could end up being your friends, co-workers, boss, mother, and father. I don't know.

My software program will randomly pick the contact details. Will you be able to look into anyone's eyes again after it? I question that. Yeah, I don't know.

However, it doesn't need to be that path. Wow, he's offering me another way, another path, almost like a religion. Give me another another chance and go in a different direction.

Oh, please. What is your offer? I'm going to make you a one-time non-negotiable offer. Okay.

Buy $2,000 in Bitcoin and send them to the down below address. B, star, star, star, C, L, Q, W, Y, R, C, U, V, V, V, V, V, V, and I don't really know much about CryptoCoin, but oh, it says if you don't understand how, look up how to purchase Bitcoin. line, do not waste my important time.

If you send out this donation, let us call it that, right after that I will go away and never make contact with you again. I will remove everything I have about you. You may very well carry on living your regular day-to-day lifestyle with absolutely no stress.

You have one day in order to do so. Your time will begin as quickly as you read this mail. I have got one of a kind code that will inform me as soon as you read this email.

Therefore, do not attempt to play smart. I never even try to. I don't understand it.

How do you play smart? So that was from Joseph Nesson. And I've got another message. This time it was from Nikolai Possolo.

I require your 100% attention for the upcoming 24 hours or I may make you make sure that you live out the away. That sounds a bit similar. But this is Nikolai Possolo.

This is basically exactly the same, but a few words changed. It's a bit of a coincidence, isn't it? The thing is, in real life, I mean in reality, you know, human experience, if someone did that, the results would be quite awful, wouldn't it? I don't mean someone did it to you that did it. But if someone actually, I nearly fell for that a couple of years ago.

I actually believed it. It's the first time I'd ever seen one of those. I believed it.

And completely freaked me out. I did. I changed all my passwords.

I changed my bank details. I changed everything. I spent about two days doing it.

And my friend loved his head off. And he doesn't know, he knows very little about the internet or, you know, kind of this sort of stuff. And even he could see that it was a scam.

And it just, for some reason, it went, I fell for it. So you have to be really careful with this stuff. Now I see it and sort of, you know, another thing that's very, they do, some of the scams is, I had one today.

And it said, Oh, just your, your recent delivery. But like to sort of see how you got on with your recent delivery. And they do that, you know, it's like, they send it out to millions of people.

So quite a few of those people would have just had a delivery from their company. Happened with Amazon once. Order something on Amazon, had an email come through, probably a minute later, saying, sorry, but we couldn't activate, we couldn't take the payment for that.

It didn't go through properly. So you have to log in here, log in and put in your card details again. So I click on it.

Email looks exactly the same as an Amazon email. I log in my details with a password. And then it's saying now, now put your card details in.

And I look at the address at the top. It's not Amazon at all. It was just a copy of the site, completely fictitious, but look exactly the same.

So I came out of that, logged into Amazon, changed the password straight away. And because, you know, so I've just given that away, hadn't I? So I was like, in a hurry, I just did it really quickly. And didn't, you know, nothing ever happened from that.

And I think I possibly deleted the debit card as well, from there as well. It's so annoying. It's so annoying.

Okay, so this is another one. Start your three day trial. So this is another scam email.

200,000 plus audiobooks to help you escape Audible. I don't think they have that many books, if I'm honest, but there you go. An email.

And it's just saying, start your free trial. And then, you know, the email, it is flagging up as being junk mail. But it's the email address is okay at seg1.tricant.com which is clearly not an actual real place.

But the email looks normal. Okay, right. So if I just, if I copy, if I open the link.

I'm trying to get in there. Copy. Okay, that's it.

I'll copy the link and see what comes up. Oh, go on. Copy the link.

Come on, copy it. Copy. Copy the link.

Come on, man. Give me that. Right, that's it.

So if I copy the link, copy. Hopefully, why is it not letting me do that? So I want to say thank you to Boston Chickie and for your support for years and years, but particularly in this particular instance. Thank you for today or yesterday for helping me to cover the costs of my website.

Also, I want to say thank you to another person. I sometimes lose track. I lose track of what I'm doing.

I'm trying to get organized, but it's not always that easy. No, it's not easy. And yeah, Thursday.

It's Thursday. So I want to thank Debra. I'm sure I already thanked.

Yeah, I thanked Debra yesterday. I already spoke to her as well. And I already thanked Ariana.

Pretty sure. Yeah. So I already read these out.

Thank you. So Boston. So I'm really, I think going back to that kind of the idea of family.

It's, I don't know. I just think it's really cool that I'm starting to, not starting to, I've had help in the past. I really appreciate it.

And it's just nice to, last month, I didn't have to pay for the website or the podcast. And I suppose for the internet, it's covered as well. So it's going well for this month as well, because the website's covered and part of the podcast, which goes out on the 25th, I think.

So there's money in the PayPal account that will go towards that. So I still need a bit more in order to pay that off. And then the first of the internet, so the 1st of May, I've got the broadband that I need to pay, which is 29 pounds a month, $34 or something, $36, something like that.

It's on my website under, I'll put it in the costs. But yeah, I really appreciate it. So thank you.

And yeah, I'm sure I had some other people to say thank you to and I probably do. Is it me? It's not me, is it? Facebook have just changed their design. Literally just opened up Facebook on my laptop.

It's awful. It is awful. Why? Why would they do that? Why? Why would they do that? How could they do such a thing? My goodness.

Nah, I don't care. I didn't care. But it's, yeah, it's usually changes are not always popular, are they? Oh, there's no adverts on my website or my WhatsApp on my podcasts as well, which is good.

Jody commented on my picture. What did she say? Jody Arne said, oh, no ads. I think I'm on the wrong internet.

There are no adverts on my podcast or website. And so if Jody's listening to this, I'm talking about my podcast and my website, not the internet. Yeah, I think.

And I don't know. I didn't know if it made sense to me. Sometimes I'm not sure if when I write stuff down, if it actually makes sense, but I like to think it does.

But I'm not sure. It might actually not as much. I don't know.

So why is I'm on Twitter now? Oh, yeah. Oh, look, look, look, look, look, look, look. And I had my first donation today or yesterday.

I'm not sure. It was at some point. It was bookmarks.

Okay, where is it? The first donation was for 20 pounds from one supporter, Ali Nisbet. Thank you, Ali. And it's a message.

Thanks for all you do with your podcast service, Jason. Thanks for giving to such a worthwhile cause too. Groovy.

Thank you, Ali. I really appreciate that. And yeah, I thought it'd be basically for those that don't know what I've done is I've put on most of my pages, still got a few to do, but most of my website pages, there is a big banner at the top.

And it says this free hypnosis service is raising money for NHS heroes. Just give and donate now. And you can click on it and takes you to this page, which is my just given page where you can donate.

And I'll try to raise 1000 pound. So I'm 2% there. So that's a good start.

I'm pleased with that because I was starting to think that no one was going to be doing anything. And it really is. I've not put like a big long thing.

I'm just asking for donations for the NHS charities together, because I wish to help the NHS at this difficult time. So just to support the NHS, basically. And it's an image which is actually from that charity.

And it says who cares for NHS heroes, you can. Your donations help provide essential support for our amazing NHS staff and volunteers donate now. Yeah, baby.

So I've reached 2% of my goal, which is 1000 pounds. And you know what, I've never ever stuck to a volunteer charity thing before. I started a few just given pages and had a few donations and then just dwindled off.

But I'm going to stick at this until I get 1000 pounds. And I can say that I raised 1000 pounds for charity, even though it's not me giving the money. And it's Ali and whoever else that kindly and does this and gives to this charity.

But I'm the one that's well, this free hypnosis service is raising money. So I'm doing this free service, hopefully to raise some money for them. So Garuvi Makambuvi, I do believe.

Yeah, yeah, that's cool. Thank you, Ali. I'm quite pleased about that.

So I'm hoping that I'm going to be getting more. I mean, even if I get, you think one a day, and like 1% of the target a day, 10 pounds a day, then it's 3, 6, 9. Yeah, it's three months and I've reached the target. But I think my intention is just to keep going with this.

So once I've reached the target, maybe put the target up. And yeah, maybe put it up to 1,200 or something. Possibly not going to reach the 15 million that has recently been done by that 100 year old man that's basically become a national hero.

He's raised so much money. And it's for this charity that I'm doing it for. It's exactly the same charity.

The NHS Supporting NHS staff, basically supporting NHS staff and volunteers caring for you know, patients at the moment. It's called the Association of NHS Charities. So yeah, charity registration number 1186569.

1186569. So it's justgiven.com forward slash fundraising forward slash jason dash newland poo. And yeah, I'll probably need to sort of do something, change the look of the page maybe, but I think it's okay for now.

Share that. No, I want to share the... Oh, I want to say thank you to Ali, but doesn't have any information about where she is or doesn't give me an opportunity to thank her. So maybe I'll have to... I wonder.

Anyway, thank you very much. I guess I should just bring this to an end. It's really just been a bunch of just talking really now.

There is no word limit. It's accuracy. Best assistant, Google Assistant.

Use IFTTT. Best for transcription. That's interesting.

I'm not always looking at sort of new software and new apps and stuff that I can use to help with my, you know, help with this whole thing that I'm doing. But it just seems to just keep costing money. Keep costing money, my man.

It's annoying. If I was a rich man. I've not had my dinner yet.

So I don't normally go this long without eating. I had just a bit of a weird, weird few days. I haven't been... I suppose my sleeping patterns have been a little bit different from normal due to being up a bit longer on Tuesday.

Is it Thursday or Friday today? I generally don't know. It's Friday now. Okay.

Well, that's something. I wonder I'm not getting emails. I'm in the wrong email address.

Blimey. Oh, maybe not. 29 speaker podcast.

Oh, it gets confusing sometimes. So many different email addresses, so many different passwords. Now I've got that transcriber.

I can't even use it because I can't log in and it won't let me change the password. It won't let me. It just doesn't recognize me.

I didn't know what to do other than just cancel it, I guess. Yeah. Maybe just cancel it.

Keep coming back to the idea of transcribing stuff. And I do wonder why? Why? Why? Why, why, why, why, why? Why do I keep transcribing? What is it that I want to do? Doesn't make me wonder. Why, why, why, why wonder? Why? Why, why, why, why? You know, I don't generally talk about statistics.

You know, I'm not much into doing that. But as everyone's probably asleep by now, and if you're not asleep, you know what you are. Because I'm about to give you some statistics.

It's quite interesting. Oh, wow. March, April.

Wow. Isn't that weird? If I was a rich man. Man, man, man, man, man, man, man.

So April so far this month, considering it was 16 days so far. Yeah. Wow.

Relaxation for stress. Relaxation hypnosis for stress is the total. Total time listened, 957 hours.

So nearly a thousand hours. Yeah, not far off a thousand hours. Deep Sleep Whisperer, 263 hours.

By the way, this is on iTunes. Podcast analytics, not like all the way around, just on iTunes, not Spotify or any other ones. So 957 hours for this relaxation one.

Hypnosis for stress, deep sleep, 263 hours. Hypnosis for sleep and deep sleep, 421 hours. Sleep insomnia hypnosis, 373 hours.

Sleep hypnosis weekly, 236 hours. And this is what I don't understand, but the 28 day stop smoking course, I got hardly any in the way of stats there, but I get 66 hours this month of that. It's weird.

I don't know. Let me boil the sleep, 703 hours. So that's the, I guess that's the second highest, isn't it? Out of all of them.

That's just for April. Let's have a look at March. Yeah, March I had 1,371 hours for let me boil the sleep.

And the top one was relaxation for stress again, 1,541 hours. That was for March. Deep sleep whisper, 576 hours.

So it's quite low. Hypnosis, sleep and deep sleep, 1,165 hours. So yeah.

And let me boil the sleep was the second highest. Now let me see if I can do a range. The last 30 days, last 30 days, last 60 days range.

Why can't I do a year? That's what I want. Months. So range only gives 60 days.

So the last 60 days and again, relaxation for stress. 3,157 hours. Deep sleep whisper, 1,195 hours.

So the relaxation for stress is up 31%. Average time per device, one hour. Wow.

And the second highest is, yeah, 2,588 hours for the let me boil the sleep. Oh my goodness. Time per device, 15 hours, 58 minutes.

How? So basically, this is only iTunes by the way. So for the relaxation for stress and anxiety, 3,176 devices, different devices. Total time listened, 3,157 hours, an hour pretty much per person.

Let me boil the sleep, 162 devices, which means that I guess you could say it's got more of a regular people coming back. 15 hours and 58 minutes. Wow.

Time per device. That's just on iTunes. I think it's worth remembering that.

Spotify would be probably a lot higher. Episodes. Let's see what the top episodes were.

I should be looking at this so I kind of know where I am, but I never do. It's weird, isn't it? Again, I don't understand this because I don't get it. Because it doesn't show, it doesn't make any sense in the actual stats in the podcasts.

According to this, in the last three months or 60 days, not three months, last two months, last 60 days, the top one, two, three, four recordings on iTunes of mine in order is as far as a total amount, total listeners, time listened rather, five fall asleep counting sheep, three hours long, 121 hours. In fact, that wasn't the top. The top one was stop puffing and start living.

28 days, stop smoking, hypnosis course, 132 hours and 180 devices. And then you've got sleep hypnosis weekly, number 38 with music, relaxation slash sleep, 44 hours. Total time listened.

And that was released on the 7th of April, 101 devices. So that's above. Wow.

And the others have been from, wow, fall asleep counting sheep was the 21st of November, 2018. Stop puffing, start living was October 9th, 2019. And number 55, chronic pain relief, let me boil your pain away, 14th of November, 2019, nine hours, 19 devices, 45 minutes.

But the most devices was 180 devices for stop puffing, start living. My goodness, how strange. I do like, isn't it weird? I don't know what it is.

I know it's boring, but it's supposed to be boring for other people. There's something about seeing the statistics just generally, because I don't get to see that with the other stuff. You know what I mean? With Spotify, I don't get to see their statistics, iHeartRadio, so many different podcasts, hosts online.

I'm not on all of them, but I'm on most of them. And Spreaker gives like an overview of the stats through all those different podcast servers. But it doesn't give, doesn't sort of, actually it's, I'm lying.

It does say, it does say where they're from. Why am I saying it doesn't? Because it does. I just got to look.

I forget to look. Sources. Apple Podcasts is the number one, Spotify is number two.

Okay. This is, this is only the last month. So Apple's number one, Spotify is number two, Stitcher's number three, Castbox number four, iTunes number five, Google Podcasts number six.

And it just keeps going down. And I'm number, my website, jasonnewland.com is quite low down there. Demographics.

Ah, look, according to this, I've got, I'm not even sure how to read it. No, apparently. Okay.

90.91% of the people at least listen to my podcasts are female, between 45 and 54. That doesn't make sense because I know there's, I know a lot of people that are different ages from that, but listen. And according to this, 9.9% is male and they're in a bracket of 35 to 44, according to this.

So yeah. 86.67%. Listen on the phone. Tablet is 4.42%. Desktop 4.34. Smartwatch 2.69. TV 0.55. Smart speaker 0.222. iOS, so Apple 63%.

Android 27.7%. Mac OS, so the Macintosh 3.31%. Watch OS, which is the iWatch 2.69. Wow. So OS is operating system. Are you talking down to us again? No, I'm not.

I'm not talking down to you. Did you think I was talking down to you? Oh, there's a good boy. Don't be silly.

I wouldn't do that. Geolocation. See, this might just be Spreaker rather than all the other ones, but it says 44% is from the United States.

Listeners, 18.4% is from the United Kingdom. Australia 8.8%. Canada 7.8. Ireland 1.7. New Zealand 1.7. Philippines 1.5. India 1.29. And Sweden 1.20. Germany 1.13. Others 12.22. And the main cities, there's only one in the UK, and that's Glasgow. That's 0.37%. The rest is Sydney, Australia is number one.

Brisbane, Australia. So Sydney, Australia is 1.84. Brisbane 1.48. Toronto, Canada 0.95. Perth, Australia 0.84. Dublin, Ireland 0.83. Melbourne, Australia 0.81. Encino CA, United States 0.80. Chicago 0.46. Auckland 0.45. Glasgow 0.37. Other cities that aren't listed, 91.16%. So what I've done is I've downloaded the file. I wonder if it's going to list the others.

If it does, how groovy will that be? I've got to change his water. No, it's not. I thought it, is it going to give me the others? No.

No. So it lets me download it as an Excel sheet, which is good, but no use if it doesn't give me all the information that I prefer to have. Yes.

So fall asleep counting sheep, I generally do not get many. So I don't know why that was sort of one of my top ones. I mean, literally today so far, one download.

Yesterday, two. Three the day before. 10 the day before.

Nine. 14. 13.

So why are they saying I've had as many as I've... So the five, three hour long one is I've had 1,187 downloads, but that's since like two years. Well, a year and a half ago. There's nothing like a sausage dog to make a video at home.

Podcast, connect, books, artists, apps. Oh, that's what I want to do. I want to go into apps.

Let me have a look from code to customer. Nope. I want to find out about program membership details.

I want to look at my own apps. That's what I want to look at. My own Blimmin apps.

Submits. Oh, submits. Apple developer agreement.

Getting started. I don't want to build my own app. Oh, maybe I do.

Maybe an app would be a good thing, but it's like, how do you have an app with so much stuff on it that I've got from a website? I think it'd be quite a difficult thing to have. Maybe it is possible, but it just needs to be organized. Have it really organized in a way that's easy to maneuver.

It's got to be possible, surely. I reckon it must be. Aye, aye, aye.

Dragon, dragon, anywhere. Dragon, anywhere. Dragon, anywhere.

Let me log in. I've got to figure a way of getting into this. There must be a way.

There's got to be a way. Anyway, there's got to be a way anyway. I'm sure there was something else I was going to talk about.

There's something that I was actually going to mention, but I can't think what it is. Luckily, I don't have to go out until Monday. I've got pretty well, well, maybe for a bit of food, but outside of that, I'm pretty covered for what I need.

A bit of food, a bit of milk rather. I've got enough bread. I've got enough food in the fridge and freezer.

I don't need to leave here until Monday. I've got Friday, Saturday, Sunday to just work on my website, do some recording to relax, chill out, hopefully do a bit of weights as well. I've got a little concern.

I don't want my chest to get too big. I like to joke that I've got boobies and a big fan of just how lucky I am and how I've got my own to play with. But actually, in reality, I think I'm going to miss having a muscular chest.

It's not like big old muscles, but I can still tense it. It's just about. And I just, I might have to wear a bra and I kind of don't want to really.

So I have done, I need to start doing a bit more weights and try and get me chest muscles active. I guess the best thing would be to do some press ups because that's really good. I mean, bench press is as good, but I don't have those kinds of weights here.

I could do with the barbells and lay on the floor. It's not quite the same. It's a little bit too bendy on the wrists.

But I don't have a bench press, like a bench. I don't have a bench to lay on. And if I did and I could use the dumbbells, but even then it's not the same.

It's that balancing, like both sides. I mean, it's good for the core strength, I guess. But it's just, it's a little bit wobbly.

Just like my boobies, I suppose. Wobbly chest. Oh, I remember the first time my belly ever wobbled.

It was 2000, I think it was in the summer and I was in a comedy club and they ran out of cake. And the manager sort of grabbed my hand and said, come on, can you come with me and help me? We went to the garage to buy some cake because it was a birthday party on. So I'm running down the road with her and I stop and I start laughing.

And she said, what? I said, I just felt my belly wobble as I was running. I've never experienced that before, ever. And she just couldn't, she was just laughing herself then.

She told her when we got back. I couldn't believe it. This is something I've not experienced.

It was, it was just, what is this? What's happening? What's going on? I don't experience that anymore anyway, because I don't run. What's why? So that's the end of this one. This is just a bit of a, just a random chatty chat chat thing.

Very boring. This one was, I would say, for anyone listening. But yeah, I do, I mean, a lot of people have just gone drifted off or by now anyway, one hour and a half in.

But thank you for listening. Listeners, I try and get myself organized. Try.

So remember as always to be kind to yourself. Do something nice for yourself because you deserve to be happy. Lots of love.

Bye. Bye-bye.