#377 Let me bore you to sleep - Jason Newland (16th April 2020)

Hello, welcome to jasonnewland.com. My name is Jason Newland. This is let me bore you to sleep. Please only listen when you can safely close your eyes.

I have so much to tell you. So much. I get my second, oh god, I'm starting to sound like my friend Andrea.

She does that when she talks sometimes. Like a little, she's got a little tiger in her throat, like growling. So how, I ask her questions sometimes.

So what do you think about that then? And she says, well, uh, it's okay, it's okay. I've got another friend that says the word, um, oh, I forget the word she says, but she says it in a funny way that can only be, well, the only response is to ridicule. There's no other, that's all you can do.

So, um, I'm sitting at my laptop. I've, I'm recording this on my tablet instead of my phone. So it's a little bit different from normal.

I'm hoping it works out okay. Although I've done this before, so it's not the first time. So there's been a few changes, a few little things I'm doing, and I'm going to tell you all about it.

And you've, oh, now the excitement, the excitement. Oh yeah. Where do I start? So actually the microphone, the built-in system should be better on this tablet than on the phone.

And of course I could use so many different things I could use. I've got microphones and stuff like that, but the quality sound doesn't seem to be, well, you know what it is? I think is some of the older microphones, even the good ones. And I've got some good mics.

They seem to have a tendency of picking up too much stuff. At the moment, all they're picking up is dust, but they've got a tendency of, because they're so good, they pick up background sound other than just little Andre running around looking for somewhere naughty to do his business. So I want to say a thank you before I go further to a couple of people for helping me, for gifting me.

Deborah, thank you, Deborah. Or shall I say Marcel and also, also, also, also Teresa. So thank you very much to both of you for your gifts, PayPal gifts, which means it helps to pay the website costs for the month ahead.

I've also got the podcast. I'm not sure when that is actually. Let me have a look.

Let me have a last little look to see when the podcast is due. It's not as easy as I'd like it to be. Um, settings, building info.

Okay. March. Okay.

So April 21st. So, which is, it is, it is April 21st. It's Thursday the 16th now.

So next Tuesday, I'll have to come up with $72 for the month ahead. That's for the Station Pro plan on Spreaker that covers, I mean, I've got a lot of recordings on there and they've given me 40% discount as well. So it's a good, they gave it to me, it's a black Friday discount that they gave to me.

I think it was, um, bum, bum, bum. January, January? No, no. November, November.

Yeah. Because I had, I was, I was paying £34.99, $34.99 in October. And now it's $72 a month.

The reason it went up is because the amount of recordings I had hours wise was just too many. Way too many. And before that in... Oh, okay.

Before that I was paying £13.99 a month, $13.99 a month back in January 2019 because I didn't need anything more than that. Before that, October 2018. Yeah.

I joined and I, um, then I cancelled it. Yeah. I was on five, $5.99 for a month, the On Air Talent Pro plan.

And then November 12th, um, oh, okay. I upgraded to the other plan. Okay.

That was boring, wasn't it? I mean, basically, wow, wow, wow. That was even more boring than... So I'm not sure how many hours, because I used to be able to see how many hours I had. Um, all together, but it doesn't seem to show it anymore for some reason.

And I don't know why. I don't know why. View stats.

No, it used to say, I'll tell you what it is now. It's because I have unlimited. So they used to keep a track of how many hours.

So I for the first one, I was allowed, I think the free one, you're allowed like 20 hours or something. And then you can go up to 50 hours or a hundred hours, 150 hours. And then the one before the one I've got now, I think it was 1,500 hours was the most.

But now, yeah, it's not giving me. It's not giving me the information. It used to sort of say how much, what percentage I'd used.

But it's not now because it's unlimited. I used to like looking at that. Probably not like all the time.

It wasn't, I didn't get out of bed in there, get all excited or got to check the, the amount of space I've got left. But you know, I used to profile data. Oh no, it doesn't show.

It doesn't, doesn't, no, it doesn't tell me anymore. That's a shame. Plans and pricing.

So Spreaker, I'm not getting paid anything for telling you this, by the way, I'm not, I'm not advertising Spreaker for money. I just think they're good. And I've used every single podcast host that there is over the last 75 years.

And it starts off. Oh, I thought you could. Oh, I thought you could be free.

Oh, I thought there was a free plan. Maybe there isn't anymore. I really did think there was a free plan enterprise.

I'm sure there is. If you go to Spreaker, everything you need, create podcasts with Spreaker. I probably have to look like going without logging in and there might be a free one.

But the plans and the pricing on air talent $6 a month. If it's built yearly $7 a month built monthly. And what you get with that? You gotta be free.

Okay, yeah, fine. That's not bad. 100 hour audio storage, unlimited listeners, multiple podcasts, hosting, blah, blah, up to 45 minutes per podcast, which would be absolutely no good for me.

And it gives you basic statistics. So that's just $7 a month paying monthly. 100 hours is a is a good amount for a lot of people that wouldn't be using that much, you know.

And even if someone does do an hour long show, it's still gonna do one a week, still two years worth of stuff, isn't it? So it's with me 100 hours, that lasts me for about 7, 30, 60. Yeah, I'll probably get through 100 hours every month and a half, I'd say. Probably something like that.

If not more. Gonna be free. What you mean you want to know about the statistics? No, I'm not going to tell you.

Broadcaster is $18 a month built yearly. I don't do things yearly. $20 a month built monthly.

And that gives you 500 hours. So I've basically gone through every single one of these and upgraded as I've needed it. Up to three hours per podcast.

And yeah, it's just more advanced stuff and statistics and stuff like that. And then Anchorman, which again, I had, which was $50 a month monthly, a podcast in 1500 hour audio storage. And a lot of the same stuff as the others, but a little bit more.

And yeah, so that's good. So that's okay. And then it offers you Enterprise, which is I don't know what that is.

60,000 downloads included. The real deal. Am I on Enterprise? I hope I'm not because they'll be charging me a lot of money.

It says here, 60,000 downloads included. But for the Anchorman, unlimited listeners. So I don't understand.

It don't make sense to me. But $2 for every additional 1000 downloads. I get over 100,000 downloads a month.

So 120 maybe, so it's double that. So I get $2 charge for every 1000. So that'd be 60,000, 60 pound, $120 extra a month I'd be paying if I was on that one.

I'm confused. Wow. I really don't know what that is.

So I don't know how, I'm on a, I'm on a, I'm not on Anchorman, I'm on a different one. So I don't know. How weird.

I'm actually on a, that is strange. How strange. So I'm actually on a plan that doesn't exist.

I'm on the pro plan. No, okay. I'm not going to complain.

But apparently it's supposed to be $120 a month, which was how much that other one was. Which I'm going to have to bite the bullet on that one. If it happens, because what else am I going to do? I can't just delete everything.

But $120 a month. I was hoping, I'm hoping, hope, hope, hope. Because I've been with them a while that they give me, they'll continue to give me the discount when it comes to renewing in November.

But if they don't, and then they said, I've got to pay two pound for every additional 1000 downloads. I'll actually be asking people not to download. I'll be trying to get people to not listen.

Wow. That's kind of goes against the whole thing, don't it? Also, I want to say a big hello to Lily. Hope you well.

And thank you. Also let you know there's no adverts anymore on my podcasts. No more adverts.

Wave goodbye to them. Horrible annoying adverts. Gone forever.

Until the next time I put them on. But yeah, they're gone. That's it done.

Bye bye. Bye bye. And so all of the podcasts are advert free.

My website is advert free. And I've still left the continuous play podcast on my website. The ones with no ads where people because people have been going on there and using that page.

But technically, I guess you don't really need to but it might be handy for the continuous play bit. So I'll just leave them on there. I might take away the no ad bit.

In the headline of the title of the pages, because it's not valid anymore. But I posted it on Facebook. And hopefully, I shared it with a few people as well on private messages.

So hopefully that's useful. And a couple of things I've done. I've got itchy balls.

Oh, and I've got, I applied for the NHS as a volunteer. And they turned me down. Can you believe it? They turned me down.

And this was, I think, two weeks ago. This is after they said, Oh, we want 250,000 people to apply and to help out with every kind of aspect different different things, basically, to support the nurses, the healthcare workers, also drivers to deliver medication and food and I don't know, different things like that. I guess take people to hospital and back again.

And that's why I applied. Now, I couldn't apply for a driving job, because I don't drive. Makes sense not to apply for that.

I mean, didn't seem a lot point, you know, lying for a volunteer job. Especially if you lie saying, there's no point in lying for a driving job if you can't drive. I mean, I can see it's probably a bit of fun, but it's not really a little bit pointless.

So I applied. Oh, yes, I applied for a non just, you know, anything that they wanted. Basically, I was happy to do anything.

And they turned me down. I said, No, no, thanks. Go away.

Go away. I couldn't believe it. Go away, leave me alone.

They said to me, this is after hours of filling in this form, although it might have only took 10 minutes. Then last week, because I'm not one to give up, generally, the net last week, I applied, I went on to the NHS website. And they're looking for people urgently to work for the NHS to actually, you know, work, paid employment.

Now, I'm not really well enough to be going back to work or to be doing long shifts and stuff. Mentally, if I'm realistic, it's not really the thing that I should be doing or looking at doing. But I do feel I'm contributing to the world in my own small way.

So that's what keeps me going. And I just thought, you know what, even if it's just for a short time, I'll work. Even if it made me ill, you know, seriously, that's what I thought.

Even if I got ill doing it, I'll do it because I want to help. I really want to help. So I applied online, as everything is now, every single thing's online now.

And it's just, wow, if it wasn't for the internet, what on earth would we do? I mean, I rely on it anyway, for what I do. And you know, we all, I suppose, rely on it for various levels. But at the moment, it's like, wow, everything's internet.

Can't even make phone calls anymore to companies. It's like, no. I went on to the, I think it was Sainsbury's website to try and get food delivery.

Because, you know, I'm going to need to eat at some point. And they said, nope, we don't recognize you as being in the important group of people. So therefore, bye-bye.

And I recognize people with physical issues and elderly people, of course. It's really important that they get to stay at home and keep safe. And what I've noticed is people with mental health issues are not being even considered.

People with agoraphobia, people that can't leave the house for whatever reason. And really are not even, there is no spotlight on them at all. And they are vulnerable as well.

I think they fit into that group. So it's a little bit of a shame, but maybe things we put, maybe changes can be made, you know, for future events. So that it just goes to show that when it comes to illness, it's still all about physical.

Mental illness is secondary to a lot of people. Those that don't suffer it, perhaps, or have someone that suffers it, or those that don't understand it, or the government. Even those in the health profession as well.

Even psychiatrists. I've met psychiatrists that didn't actually seem to believe in mental illness. It's like, well, why are you doing this job? And I had one person, one psychiatrist said to me a few years ago, because I said, I want, well, I said, can I please have some psychology or some psychotherapy rather? And she said, no, this is a psychiatrist.

And she was the third psychiatrist I'd seen in a matter of probably six months. And I said, please, you know, I've been diagnosed with bipolar affective disorder, but also been diagnosed with personality, emotionally unstable personality disorder. Didn't know that because they didn't tell me.

It's on my medical records, but they didn't tell me for some reason. And I only found out when I was with my social worker. She was used to visit here.

And I was talking to her. She said, oh, that might be the, that might be more to do with the personality disorder. I said, what? What are you talking about? And she, she said, the personality disorder? You think it's written on the screen? I said, what? She said, nothing, nothing.

Don't worry. I said, no, let me look. So she showed me the screen in front of her.

And it was basically a copy of the forms and files and stuff of my medical records. And they didn't tell me. Okay.

Concordant. It's basically when two conditions occur at the same time. I can't say the word concordant, concordant, concordant, something like that.

Wow. Thanks for telling me. And which makes me think, you know, maybe even people with mental health field of work don't think it's important enough to tell the patients what they have.

Can you imagine if it was a physical thing? You know, oh, oh yeah, by the way, I forgot to mention you've, uh, you know, something else that was completely separate, you know? Oh, you've got diabetes. Sorry. I forgot to tell you that.

What do you mean you forgot to tell me? Oh, we were focusing on the other thing because it was way, you know, bigger at the time, more important. Had to focus on, on that. Yeah.

But diabetes is pretty, pretty big. And that's not a good example because obviously diabetes doesn't need to be, well, it doesn't always, does it? You can, I've got a friend who's, she had to manage it through diet and then she started taking tablets. And now I think she's, I think she's on insulin now.

Like, but initially she had a chance to, not had a chance, but she, you know, I tried to get her to sort of eat, um, salad and stuff. I don't know, brown rice. So, Paula Ratcliffe.

Okay. She's, it's just the news is on, it's on, um, silent on the TV. The only reason I left it on is because when I turn the TV off, it clicks.

A really loud clicks for about 10 minutes or 20 minutes. I guess it's the, it's cooling down. And, uh, so I kind of just leave it on.

So it doesn't click. It just shows it does, but at this time of the night on BBC one, they do like a little flashback of stuff that's happened in the past. And it was just, uh, had, um, what's his, what's her name? Paula Ratcliffe breaking the world record for the quickest marathon time.

I think she's the only person, female or male celebrity. And she is a celebrity in this country anyway. I mean, I don't know about the world, but she's very famous.

She was at the time and still is. She's just a famous person. She's the only famous person that could urinate in the street and not lose their career and not, you know, she did it during a marathon.

She did a wee wee in the street in front of thousands of people live on television. It didn't affect if I did that. Okay.

When I did that, I got in trouble. And what was I talking about? So yeah, the plans for the Spreecast. I'm like, Oh, I don't know what's going to go on now.

I might have to just contact them. Can't phone them obviously, because, uh, it wouldn't be able to answer. So the amount of messages, emails I'm getting through, they really value your custom at the moment, but due to the zombie apocalypse, we can't really take your calls because we're only interested in people with physical issues.

Don't care about anyone else. Okay. All right.

I'll remember that I'm making a list. I'm making a list of companies that weren't there for me or any of my, any of my fellow bipolar people. I'm making a list because I'm a child.

I'm a child. I'm an adult. So, um, yeah, things, things have been strange.

Oh yeah. I did that thing on, um, the NHS website. I filled a form in last week and right at the end, if it was going well, I was really pleased.

So I'm signed up with the NHS website, all my details were on there. And then they said, now upload your CV, young Jason. I thought, ah, that's what? Yeah, go on, upload it.

Get on with it. Go on. I don't have a CV.

Well I do, but you know, basically what I had to, well, what, this is what I did is I spent hours trying to sort it out. I downloaded the CV from Read because I used to, I got my last job through Read back in, well, a few years ago. So they still had my CV on their file.

So I took the CV off or downloaded it. I went to edit it. Could I find a free editor to edit Word? I just couldn't find any.

I was trying to download stuff. This used to be easy a few years ago. There was so many alternatives to Word.

There was so many ways to edit stuff. It was free. It was easy.

Now, and I know my way around the internet. Now, everything I was using, the online free stuff that I spent, literally, I spent about 40 minutes using this online PDF creator. And it converted the form, the Word file, because I don't have Word or didn't have Word.

So I couldn't use Word. I'd open it up, but I couldn't edit it. So I converted it to a PDF for free, opened it up into online free website.

And man, 40 minutes I was editing, changing stuff around, making it updated, making myself look good or trying to. And I get to the end, I think, yeah, this is really, this will do the job. I go to save it as a PDF and download it.

Because this website is full of, it says the word free all the way through it. Nope. Not if you want to download the thing.

It's not free then, is it? And they said, no, if you sign up. Admittedly, they did offer the first certain period of time for free, but I had to give my debit card or credit card details. And I was not prepared to do that to some random website that I've never heard of before.

So I just had to get rid of that. And tried another one, then another one. So I spent a few hours doing this.

In the end, I gave up. What for the day anyway. And then I think it was Thursday.

Might have been, no, Thursday. Yeah, I think Thursday. I subscribed to Microsoft Word.

I know Microsoft, what's it called? Just Microsoft, you know, the office. So I subscribed to them, which is a monthly fee. But I've been with them before.

I was with them when I was at university, I think. So I kind of went back, gone back with them. Because I had more money to pay out, I think $5.99 a month.

But now it gives me, you know, I can use all the office software on all devices. So I can do Word, I've got access to the other things as well. So I went on there.

I lost all the information from my other CV that I did on the PDF form. So what I did is I just started from scratch. So it took quite a while to put it all together.

Eventually saved it. Of course, it's easy because I'm paying for it. Pay for something, it works straight away.

The free stuff, and I know I offer free stuff, but mine is free. It's genuinely free. I've actually got a shop.

My website's a store, but it's free to download stuff and to stream and everything else. And you don't have to give debit card details or anything. To do that, you don't have to give your PayPal details, or it's just a case of giving, I think you have to put your address in or something.

But that's it. But it's like, oh, and I've got it done, uploaded it to the website, to the NHS website. Didn't hear nothing.

I mean, it's bank holiday weekend. So Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday, all, everything was closed. Obviously the hospitals weren't closed, but I imagine the administration, human resources department was probably, well, I don't know, but I imagine they were closed.

And then Tuesday evening, which was yesterday, yeah, Tuesday evening, I got an email from the NHS saying, we have a message for you, but you have to log into the portal, into the NHS website to watch the reader. So I thought, yeah. I thought initially I'm going to sit down and have a watch of telly, and I think to myself, now I'm going to read this message, see when they want me to start.

And the message basically was, thank you for applying for this. And it was a urgent non-clinical role, not as in bread roll. And basically they didn't, they weren't looking for anyone with qualifications, just someone to help out is what I thought.

And they said, due to the huge response, we have way more qualified people, more suitable people for this position. So we will not be continuing this application any further. I do believe is the message that was read.

I could read it to you exactly how it was read, but not how it was read, but word for word, but it means signing into it. I can't be bothered. You know how easy I am.

I just, I can't, I know it's almost doing it the wrong way round. So normally in this sort of situation, maybe in the past, I'd apply for work paid. If that didn't work, I'd apply to volunteer.

And then I'd be moaning saying, I can't even give my services away free. But this time it was the other way around. So it doesn't really work saying I can't get paid for stuff, you know, so.

And it was a shame because I actually genuinely would have, even if it was just for the period of this thing that's going on, I could have, I would happily just clean door handles with disinfectant all day long in hospitals. I'm quite happy to spend the next few months spending all day rubbing knobs and cleaning them, you know, making sure they're clean, door knobs so people can get in and out safely. I'd have done that.

I mean, you know, I don't know about long term. I don't think it would have been the most rewarding occupation. I mean, not being a cleaner, but just cleaning knobs.

I mean, I've had cleaning jobs in the past. And I think if my whole job, all I had to do was clean door handles, eventually I'll start craving cleaning toilets. It would just be like, oh, please let me clean the toilet.

Just anything. But if I see another door handle, if I see another knob, that's it. I don't want it.

I don't want to rub anything else. I want, give me a dirty toilet any day, just something different. You know, some people, I think to themselves, you know, if I got paid enough, I'd do anything.

I've actually heard people say that to me. You know, I choose a hundred grand a year to do something I absolutely hate doing, then get paid 50 grand a year or 30 grand a year doing something that I love. And this is someone, oh, to be fair, did he have kids? I don't know.

But I can kind of understand it, I guess, in the, you know, if you need the money, if someone needs the money to the point of they're just not getting enough from their job, and I've been there. But no, I mean, can you imagine if someone says that? I feel like if I was rich and I'd say to someone, okay, so you want to bet, you want to bet that you'd do anything for a hundred grand a year? And someone say, yeah, I'll say, in fact, I'll make it even better for you. I'll give you 200 grand a year.

200 grand. And you'll get paid at the end of the year. 200 grand.

Nothing for the next year. I'll make sure you got food and, you know, somewhere to live, basic stuff, but, you know, you won't have any money in your pocket to spend on anything. But at the end of the year, you'll get 200 grand, $200,000 or pounds.

And they'll be like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe, depending on who they are. And I'll say, okay, and this is only five days a week.

And it's only eight hours a day. So it's not even, you don't have to do long hours. This is the average hourly time, 40 hours a week.

So you don't have to do, it's not going to be dirty. It's not going to be, you know, anything like that. It's not going to be dangerous or anything like that.

And they'll be like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Go on. What is it? What is it? 200 grand a year.

Like a dog in the summer. And if I had the money, I'm talking if I had a lot of money, and I'd, if I was, because you'd have to have a lot of money, because even if you was a millionaire, 200 grand is a lot of money. If you, even if you had like a million pounds, that's a lot of money, 200 grand.

I think for 200 grand not to be a lot of money, you've got to be, you've got to have a cut of, I don't know, 100 million. I mean, I've only got like 600 million in the bank, you know. But cut 100 million, I think.

It's livable. So you could just about get away with giving away, and it's 1% of your money, isn't it? 200 grand. If you've got 200 million.

I'm not sure if it is. So, and let's say yes, okay, sign this contract. If you don't fulfill the whole year, not, and it's okay, not through illness or anything like that, but just generally, if you don't fulfill the whole year doing the job, you'll have breaks, you'll have hour break for lunch, 20 minute break twice a day for tea, and you know, just standard stuff.

I say, yeah, and you get your own uniform, I'll pay you, give you the best shoes, best clothes, comfortable. Well, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'd say, okay, now, right, I just turn up Monday at nine o'clock, no silly hours, nine o'clock in the morning till five.

So although you work, you'll be here for eight hours, but you don't, you're not going to be working for eight hours. You know, you'll have an hour for lunch, and you get free lunch, we give you food. And we also get you a weekly delivery of food for you, you know, for you and you and maybe your family or whatever.

And we'll also, I'll also cover the mortgage or your rent for the year as well. So you're not going to be out of pocket, you're not going to be without money, you just won't have any money, anything extra, you know, you'll just, you'll have basics, basic lifestyle. But at the end of it, you'll have 200 grand, yeah, yeah, 200 grand.

So turn up at nine o'clock, make it in fact, I'll tell you what, come in at 10 on your first day. Just, you know, relax, just come in at 10. But then it'll be nine o'clock every other day, you know, every day afterwards, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, then Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday.

And you finish at five and that's it. If you're happy with that, yeah, sign a contract here then. So all you have to do is say, yeah, yeah, okay.

200 grand, life changing, which it is, you know, not maybe for Bill Gates, but for a lot of people, 200 grand. Wow. 200 pound is life changing for me, but 200 grand.

And I say, come on, okay. And then it turned up. I reckon it turned up early.

I'd be surprised if they weren't there before half nine, because they're so enthusiastic. You know, just, wow. I've got this job, my whole life's going to change.

But don't forget, if you get through, you don't get any money. If you don't keep at it, you don't get any money and you'll owe me all the expenses that are paid out. So every lunch, all that stuff's all going to be added.

So you'll have a bill. And, you know, at the end of it, if you don't fulfill the contract, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It doesn't sound that good, does it? Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course, of course.

So turn up at half nine. I'll say, come in, sit down. You all right? I said, yeah.

Want a coffee? Want a coffee? I'll let me own office. And just say, you want coffee? Yeah, have a coffee if you want. And say, okay, cool.

And they'll be looking around thinking, wow, this is a lovely office. It's nice. It's nice and clean.

There's a toilet and a bathroom. There's a receptionist. And, you know, it's just really, you know, out of the hole of the floor.

And it'd just be me and maybe a few other people, perhaps employed or helping me out. And just very chilled out, very chilled out, relaxed. And the person would be looking around thinking, well, I wonder what he wants me to do.

I wonder what the job is. Perhaps I should have asked before I signed the contract. I wonder what the job is.

Yeah, I think you should have signed before. You know, you should ask these things. You know, can you do us a favour? No.

Should be the answer. Always. But at least depends what the favour is.

Then there's that part of me that's hiding behind the tree saying, yeah, I'll do the favour. I'll do anything for everyone. Yeah.

Shush. Stop hiding from me and offering my help. And eventually they're going to, if I just keep quiet, they're going to say, look, can you tell me what the job is, please? And I said, oh, yeah, I forgot about that.

I said, you're doing it. And they say, what? I said, you're doing it. That's it.

Yeah, but I'm just sitting here in a chair. Yeah, that's it. Yeah, but the chair's facing a wall.

I'm not even looking at anything. It's just, it's just a wall. I wondered, why is a chair facing the wall? Why is it not facing you? I said, oh, it's nice.

You see, it's fitted to the ground. Yeah, I know. Otherwise I'd have turned it around.

Why? Because I wanted to look at you. That's fair enough. I mean, why wouldn't you? But um, yeah, the chair is fitted to the ground facing the wall.

Yeah. So what, what, um, what is my job? You're doing it. I said, you're doing it.

That is your job. What? Sitting in a chair, looking at a wall. Yep.

Yep. Yep. What is it? What? Yeah, that's it.

Just sitting in a chair, facing the wall. That's it. That's your job.

Um, you get a break every couple of hours. You know, you kind of, what is it? Nine. You have a break at 11 for 20 minutes.

Then you have a break at one to two o'clock for lunch. You can go out, do whatever you want. You haven't got to stay in there.

And then one, three to three 20 will be your next break. And then of course you can go out of the office as well, if you want loads of coffee places around there. And, uh, and then you leave at five and that's it.

Don't you want me to do anything? No. We'll just sit here in this chair, facing the wall for eight hours a day. Well, it's not really eight hours a day, is it? I mean, we're just established that it's going to be seven, four, six, six hours and 20 minutes.

Really? Yeah. But it's still a long day to be just sitting, staring at a wall. Yeah.

May well be. Wow. Okay.

Well, so I'll just bring a book in or bring my laptop in, my tablet, my phone. Nope. Huh? None of that stuff's allowed.

You're at work. You can't watch telly when you're at work. You can't be on your phone.

You try and get a job in an office and just spend time on your phone. You'll get sacked. You can't do that.

It's unprofessional. Yeah. But I'm not doing anything, am I? I'm just sitting here facing the wall.

Yeah. So I'm not allowed to use a phone. Laptop? Nope.

No tablet? Nope. Kindle? You know the answer to that, don't you? Yeah. Nope.

Okay. What about a good old fashioned book? That's a nope as well, isn't it? Magazine? Can I draw on the wall? Etch a sketch? No. Can't bring in a potato head to play with? Nope.

So there's nothing I can't... What am I supposed to do? You're already doing it. What you're supposed to do is earn £200,000 over the next year. But how? You're doing it.

That's it. Just sitting in a chair facing the wall for, you know, from nine to five with breaks, of course. And then at the end of the year, on this date exactly, I will give you a cheque for £200,000.

So let me get this straight. I have to sit here facing a wall for a whole year, all day, every day, for a whole year and do nothing? Well, yeah. Yeah, pretty much.

It's not every day, is it? It's not weekends. You're not going to be able to do much at weekends because you won't have any money. But, you know, you will at the end of the year though, won't you? Can't imagine what you'd be able to do with your weekends for that £200,000.

Well, I'll just go to sleep then. Nope. No sleeping.

Before you add anything else, no meditating either. No praying. Nothing that involves you closing your eyes other than to blink, blink, blink, blink.

That's it. If you fall asleep, oh, I forgot to tell you, you will be wearing a bracelet which will monitor your heart rate, which means if you fall asleep, your heart rate will indicate it. Because when we fall asleep, our heart rate reduces to a level that it doesn't when we're awake.

And you will bleep and that will be it. In fact, no, I'll give you three chances. So, you know, initial, you know how it is normally, verbal warning, written warning, then, you know, bye bye.

Oh, a whole year of sitting, facing a wall. Could you at least change the wallpaper? Nope. Are you sure you won't? I mean, what if I say please? Nope.

So, I, yeah, let's do it. It'll be brilliant. I mean, realistically, who would be able to do that? I wonder how many people could actually sit in a chair, not talk, not have any interaction.

Through choice, you know, they don't have to do it. Just means they don't get the 200 grand. Actually sounds a little bit cruel, doesn't it? But it'd be an interesting social experiment because the amount of people have told me in the past, I'll do anything for 100 grand.

And, you know, I've even sort of said, it's the whole thing is I wouldn't do that for a million pound. I wouldn't jump out of a plane with a parachute on, not even for a million pound. Of course I would.

I'd jump out of a plane without a parachute for a million pound. You know, I wouldn't. Well, I'd jump out of a plane without a parachute next to someone else that's jumping out of a plane at the same time as me who's wearing a parachute for a million pound.

I will land safely. So it's, they'll suddenly find themselves very heavy. Better do the parachute now, mate.

There's two of us. Double the time. So yeah, that'd be an interesting.

And I suppose I've done like a very mild equivalent to this when I was working in security. I had one of my jobs where I was standing in the lobby, and there's lots of lobbies in Canary Wharf, where the lifts open. There is two lifts either side of the room, and I'd just be standing there in that lobby bit all day long, just standing there.

And I did it, I think I did every day of the week for about, it was well over a month, probably about 40 or 50 days without a break because they just needed the staff. And I was doing 12 hour shifts, sometimes more, and just standing there. It was so boring.

It was, you know, I know boring. I know, I know boring. I've had, I think that's why I know how to be boring apart from the fact that I'm boring, is I've done so many boring jobs, and I've been around so many other people that were also bored.

And bored people are kind of boring to be around because they're bored. They can be boring to be around, you know, not always. And some people get very mischievous when they're bored.

But as I'm a good, I'm a good girl, I don't do stuff like that. No, no, I don't. So I forgot to mention the most important thing on my website.

I've now changed a lot of it to if you go to my website, it is blimey gelf store pad. And there's a logo on my website right at the top. Now, it's changed from what it was before.

And it says this free hypnosis services raising money for NHS heroes, just giving donate now. And there's a big picture for the NHS website, the NHS charity. And it's so it is a charity, it's the NHS charities, it's called.

And it's just giving.com forward slash fundraising forward slash Jason dash new land to and I'm trying to raise 1000 pound of rate zero so far. But it's only been on there for a day or so. So I'm not going to get too, too concerned.

But I've shared it on Facebook. And it's amazing. I'm having it on every single page of my website as well.

So I'm hoping that anyone that listens to my recordings or downloads, even if it's just a dollar, it's not going to me, it's going to the NHS charities, which is the nurses, the doctors, health care workers, all that stuff, all the people that are just working so hard at the moment. They always work hard, but it's like special, extra special pressure on them at the moment. So it's a charity to help help them.

So yeah, I hope I raised 1000 pounds. Otherwise, I'm gonna look a bit silly. Imagine if I only raised like, you know, 12 pound, or even one pound, I mean, I've raised nothing yet.

But I will be mentioning it. I forgot to mention it at the beginning of the recording. And there's just been so much going on so much.

So that is a big that's the end of this recording. So thank you very, very, very much, very, very much for listening. And remember, as always, to be kind to yourself, because you do deserve to be happy.

Lots of love. Bye, bye, bye. Bye, bye, bye.