#353 Let me bore you to sleep - Jason Newland (17th March 2020)

Hello and welcome to jasonnewland.com. My name's Jason Newland. This is Let Me Bore You to Sleep. Please only listen when you can safely close your eyes.

And I'm just amazed that Andre started to eat his food, his dry food, just as I'm recording yet again. And the amount of noise he can make blows me away. How can a little thing like him make so much noise, eat him? I won't go into it because I talked about it yesterday but I just made me laugh for some reason.

But hey, we need things to laugh about. Now I don't want to get into the world as it is at the moment but this is the 17th of March 2020. So those of you listening in the future, well it's not funny but you'll be looking back on this year as being quite an important year worldwide actually due to the coronavirus thing going on.

So I've never in my whole life ever experienced anything like this before. I don't really talk about that because probably the last thing anyone wants to hear about is that because it's all you hear about on the telly and on the radio and it's kind of constant and in the papers. So actually I watched the news earlier and they said there's only one news story today and I thought no that's not true is it? There's lots of things happening around the world.

You know lots of all the same stuff that normally happens that gets headline news is just it's still happening but we're just not aware of it. So maybe if they got rid of this latest headlines and left all the other headlines out as well for a year, I wonder how that would affect the population of I don't know my country for example. I wonder, I don't know it's just it's weird because I've just seen a video by Idris Elba on Twitter and a couple of famous people, well more than a couple, have been diagnosed with the virus.

And you know Tom Hanks being one of the most famous actors in the world, he's like Hollywood, he's basically Hollywood royalty isn't he? Tom Hanks loved by everyone really as far as he's just you know he's a legend and a cinematic legend, a movie star. And just seen another a video is it by Idris Elba one of the you know huge actor really famous in England and I imagine famous worldwide you know sort of movie wise because he's been in lots of things but he's a big star here and tipped maybe be possibly be the next James Bond and if he is I'd probably watch it because I stopped watching the James Bond films and it's not because of Daniel Craig because he's great, I think all the James Bond people have been good.

I've not seen one James Bond I didn't like ever and that includes um uh Lazenby was it David Lazenby and uh my favorite was Roger Moore but that I think that's kind of a standard human thing isn't it we it's like Doctor Who who's your favorite Doctor Who those that watch Doctor Who my favorite Doctor Who would be what's his name I've forgotten his name this is terrible isn't it what if this coronavirus affects memory no that'd be age Tom Baker I was about to google it but it came to me before I googled it

Tom Baker he was my favorite and then second would be um not Jim Davidson Steve Davidson Davidson David Son David Son Doctor Who Doctor Who Peter Peter Davidson and he was Peter Davidson if you don't know who he is you might have seen a different show that he was in um which was the the vet some some vets I can't remember the name this is Davidson let's see what else he was in I know what he was in but I just can't it's it's one of the most famous tv shows that he was in and

all creatures great and small yeah now he was in other stuff of course but I don't he's 68 now and that's not even his real name wow his name's Peter Malcolm Gordon Moffat wow here's something that you might not even know you may know if you're a Doctor Who fan you probably do know but I didn't and I'm a doctor I'm kind of a old school Doctor Who fan I stopped watching I watched it all the way through until it stopped in 92 or whenever and then when it started again in 2005 or 2006 I

started watching it and then I watched it with you know the first two doctors and then I kind of phased out a bit but David Tennant who is hugely famous and also being a doctor one of the Doctor Whos he married Peter Davidson's daughter Georgia and I think let's just check that's correct David Tennant been married since 2011 got 562 children and got five kids but he lives in a telephone box it's fine it's a lot bigger inside wow how weird is that they got to but they got married in 2011 yeah so he all

he was already his father-in-law was already Doctor Who probably 10 years before he even played Doctor Who okay let's have a look when did he start playing Doctor Who we didn't play it he was Doctor Who wasn't he but Doctor Who Doctor Who come on where am I at 2007 well no not 10 years he was Doctor Who from 2005 to 2010 then he made a guest appearance in 2013.

So Doctor Who 2035 years or six years I don't know depends but he was wow and that special was 2013 because that was all the doctors together but 14 15 16 17 18 7 years ago man wow that is why I try and make recordings and don't put it off it doesn't make sense really but um oh well I know how quickly I whistle then I know how I notice how quickly time goes sometimes uh apart from when you're ill which is annoying when you really want it to go fast or when you're on a

really bad date uh it's uh I'm not really thinking about bad dates I've had but I'm just thinking about the the ladies that have been on dates with me and it's probably been a really bad date for them it's been a long time you know to be honest been quite a long time um I can't remember the last time I'm sure I must oh yeah September September's the last time I had a date um wonderful lady but I messed it up I um I stole a car no I didn't I didn't I didn't steal anything

I anyway I don't know what I'm talking about Dr.

Who for how did I get oh yeah Ildris Elba so he's he's gone to uh I don't know whatever it's called Twitter and posted a little video just saying that he's he's been diagnosed with it with the old virus he's been and he's got it and um just you know telling people to wash their hands and you know all that you know same kind of stuff and it's just oh I mean I would guess that he's gonna be okay anyway in a simple fact that I mean he is I think he's probably older than me

or about my age but he's super fit you know he's very very fit and I don't mean looking like um all handsome and that because obviously he's handsome but he's just really physically fit he's done a lot of fun um what's his name Idris Idris oh Idris Elba how old is he oh it's 47 sorry Idris you're two years younger than me so yeah I was thinking I was thinking of maybe doing a podcast specifically aimed at this weird period that we're kind of going through um possibly a daily thing like a daily relaxation immune

system boosting kind of recording I don't know it's just I'm not necessarily um always great at um meeting deadlines like that you know even the the day the weekly hypnosis recordings are a little bit difficult to to complete because of the there's the lack of quietness it's quite difficult to guarantee because with this as I've said this loads of times I know that you got Andre running around sometimes and if someone puts their rubbish out or in the back garden or you know it's a few little bits like that doesn't really well it doesn't affect

me hopefully it doesn't affect those listening it might do but I hope I hope it doesn't and from the comments about people that have commented telling me how much they love hearing about Andre then and you hear him in the background and so it's kind of and yeah I feel kind of okay with that but if there are any like really loud noises I can see it on the recording when I look through it when I go to edit it and I edit in and out so you know phased in phased out of every new

recording I do but I also look through to see if there's any big spikes and then I magnify it and listen to it and if it's um if it's a sound or if it you know it's going to be a sound isn't it it's not going to be a maybe a speck of dust on the ceiling there's going to be a sound not going to be a sausage in the fridge um so what I do is I reduce the sound a little bit or if it's something that's not great um that's it sounds a bit

weird I will just delete it if I can but I don't spend I don't I can't go through the whole hour of the recording editing because I've done that in the past I did it with my 28 day stop smoking course and I've done it with previous recordings as well and it generally works out about four minutes per minute four minutes of editing per minute of recording to really make it um good and that's not I'm getting really excited and that's not just deleting stuff it's also adding some adding some stuff as well for example

um I don't know so if I have to delete uh five seconds then I might need to add five seconds of quietness so I need to do a recording of kind of just normal background sound and then add that in there so it's it's quite laborious is that a real word laborious labor yeah laborious laboritorious boring tedious yeah a little bit a little bit and I think it's really funny there's the thing in Italy I think it is or Spain and they've got this bloke and he's doing handstands or doing like I don't know pulling

up putting his legs out doing exercise on a big looks like a big uh ping pong table or snooker table or a little well it looks like a miniature golf course that hasn't had the holes cut in yet or any of the little bits added and if there's any ladies listening that would like to go to a miniature golf club uh golf course with me then let me know because I like stuff like that doesn't matter where you are I'll meet you there you know get really cheap flights at the moment you can get the

flights yeah you can get there you just can't get back so I could probably get to Australia or whatever but I couldn't get back although to be fair it's changing every every day so I probably wouldn't be able to oh god it's weird in my local shop I had to you know I run out of stuff and I don't have the financial resources to buy lots of stuff I do I'm quite good at stocking up with things like deodorant soap shampoo uh toilet cleaner toothpaste um mouthwash face wipes toilet roll usually I'm usually quite stocked

up with that stuff a little less stocked up lately than I was this time last year but I've still got a few bits you know I'm not gonna I don't have to be particularly stinky for quite a few months and I got enough soap to last me for probably I don't know probably about three months so you know I've got enough to get me through to the summer with that stuff but food there's a limit because things like milk and bread and just it goes off vegetables and well I don't really eat that much in

the way of vegetables at the moment but things like salad you know the cucumber doesn't last as long as it used to I mean not even if you eat it it just doesn't last it sort of goes soggy and then they never used to they used to be nice and hard used to stay hard for probably a good five days now they just sort of go all soggy and floppy it's I almost think like I start needing to feed my fridge viagra I just like well come on it's got why why is the why is

the fruit and vegetables and stuff not lasting the way they used to I'm thinking the stuff used to be fresh when I was a kid it used to last for ages and I and I started thinking maybe that's because parents used to replace them and buy them in shops I should know that because I used to go shopping with my with my second mum and I yeah I used to go and help her and stuff great fun I remember saying I was saying can I can you know the trolleys you know the bits at the

top you can sit in and I used to say to mummy I want to sit I want to sit in the trolley I want to sit in the trolley and she said no I said and we'd always fight with my little brother because he wanted to sit in the trolley as well and I'm going to turn the trolley and you know I can't just sit in his pram I want to sit in the trolley he's got a pram to sit in I want to sit in the trolley she said no I said why at one

time actually he wasn't there I said can I sit in the trolley what's his name ain't with us a little brother ain't with us and she said no 14 and I was like oh fair enough notice I said what's his name I got that from my nan I think she used to always do that so what's his name what's name and I do that with people because it means you haven't got to learn people's names it's very handy very handy handy why learn names yeah I don't I thought I'd learn names eventually if I see

someone regularly for maybe four or five years I usually learn their name by then but outside of that I just you know it's always why and I you know I've talked about this before why say their name when you're talking to them what in case they don't know who you're talking to you sit in a room with someone it's just them there there's no reason I don't if I'm sitting with someone talking I don't need them to say my name at all because that's just a way of getting my attention isn't it by saying my

name by you know communication wise let me know who they're actually talking to now unless they're talking to my punch bag or a bit of poo on the floor that Andre's left as a lovely little present hopefully on a paper the person is going to be talking to me it's just so I'm laughing at this show the news is on it's on it's on silent and they're just showing a town centre there and they showed some bloke and he was just banging into people trying to get these bags I think he had a lot a

lot of toilet roll and stuff in these bags and he was just banging through people trying to get away oh dear it's gotta be strange strange times and you know what something else is and I've never noticed this before ever I've got my PayPal account and you know I asked for help as far as you know helping to pay for costs of this service as you know I've mentioned it in the past and which brings me to the thing I wanted to say actually which was hello hello I wanted to say a big big thank

you to and I'll put a big thank you logo on my website as well as on my Facebook pages I'll just leave it on there for a couple of days and thank you to Linda, Helen and Andy for helping me to pay for this month's website hostage for the next month so it's due today actually 17th so it should be going out of my account any minute actually and then that'll be I guess it depends on if it's if it's America it might not go out at all sort of maybe in the morning later on

but I just want to say thank you because it's been really helpful and really helpful because I had I just got no money to to cover anything at the moment and a lot of that is because I lost some money the other day and just lost some online I've talked about that before I just kind of made a few mistakes and came out and the other end not great and also it's Mother's Day so I just and my niece's birthday so I ended up spending money sending them cards and presents so I can't go and

visit them not with what's going on so I needed to just send it through the post so went on to moon pig moon pig.com and yeah my dad my dad texted me he said is the who's that package for was it for you is it for your stepmum or is it for your for your niece I said well what name did it have I replied I said try having a look at the label on the package it should tell you who it's for he didn't reply back so I phoned up my stepmum yesterday and I said did you get oh it's Sunday I said did you get your card because I actually thought it was Mother's Day on Sunday

didn't realize I was a week early and but hey as I don't know how I who knows why but that's in my mind I thought it was Mother's Day two days ago so I contacted her and said did you get did you get the card and the present and she said yeah and she says not till next week I said you still be grateful though can't you still I didn't say that I said yeah I know I just only found out I've just I've just seen adverts on the TV for Mother's Day and it's today

and I realized it's not today because why would they be advertising today for something that's already happened and she said what I said I don't know and I said look let me ask you a question she said what I said well don't put in a loudspeaker just just talk to me privately because I don't know how I can word this without sounding rude and I don't want to sound rude because I'm not actually being rude did you got the package and she said yeah what did it say on the package she said it said it

was to me I said so it had your name on the package I said yeah okay I yeah I didn't know how to how to word it nicely because actually it confused me that like well okay well I got a text message shortly after I wrote it off saying uh you want to know who it's to I said just let them know that it's to the person whose name is on the package and she said well he wasn't sure if it might be for me or might be for your niece because sometimes you send stuff

here for your niece I said yeah but if you want to know who it's to just open it you just open the package don't you just open it's like if it's got your name on it it's for yours to open if it's got his name on it it's for him to open and she said I realize what you said now I said what do you mean she said well it does sound rude so I don't mean it to sound rude I just it just says basic stuff you know if it's if it's got your name

on the address and yes it's for you isn't it and if it does have a package a present or a card that's for your grandchild my niece then it's going to have her name on it inside it's going to have her name and happy birthday or whatever it is because her birthday and she said oh okay so I thought well it was bugging me isn't it weird there's nothing really to be bugged about but it was but it's like and I thought I'm not going to phone up when I got the message and this was

on Thursday I think or Friday that would have been Friday because I got what did I get I got paid Thursday so I would have yeah I sent it on Thursday so it went through Friday and then it went away like all the rest of my money oh man but I paid the bills which is good I know it's a bit boring but it's there's something you know even when there's like like 20 pound left for the week I feel almost um proud isn't the right word but I feel quite proud of myself for having

paid the electric and gas bill for having paid and the catalogue bill which took pretty much all the money and then spending 30 quid on that's weird I just heard a squeak better not be a mouse Andre he's a rubbish he's a rubbish guard dog if he saw a mouse I probably would eat it but he'd chase it but it would be fun it you know for him it'd be it'd be enjoyable he's just laying there his head and his feet it basically looks like he's lying in bed you know and his head and his

hands are just above the covers that's not really a bed but it's his bed he's just happy took him for a really long walk today went to my friends or said you want to come for a walk I said no he said go on I said no can't make me he said oh go on I said all right then and so I went I walked up walk I do whenever I go a w when I say that like and when I'm talking and I use a w in my speech I do tend to whistle and

it's weird isn't it I don't know why it happens and it just does so I took him for a walk we walked all see that he got whistling again we walked all the way to the shop it's a lovely day outside today it's really bright wasn't cold either but then you know it's we've gone past the middle of March it shouldn't be cold really we should start getting really nice days now intermittent you know with uh really rainy days but really nice days is on the menu and so I took him and he walked the

whole way got into the shop there was one of them in one of the people working there had a mask on and that is the first time in the whole of my life apart from when I lived in London and I've ever seen a human person in public wearing like a white mask and I wanted to make a joke of it but he didn't look very happy so I didn't basically you know part it was just like oh yeah make make light of it but actually it could be serious for him he might you know

there might be because he wasn't he was the only one wearing a mask there was other people working there that weren't wearing masks or one other person so I don't know um but anyways it was it was nice enough and that's why I just kind of just got my stuff and left and I walked back to what happened anything yeah I didn't have enough money for bread but I managed to get a few bits just basic stuff to get me through to Wednesday and I came back got walked up to the bus station because as

you go past there's a garage on the left and there's a bridge so I walked over the bridge there is see the traffic there didn't seem to be any less traffic than normal mind you it was four o'clock or half four so actually there probably there may well have been less traffic because it would normally be chock-a-block at that time so perhaps there was less traffic just not as noticeable as it might have been had it been a different time of the day so if we would have traveled out at maybe two o'clock it may

have been very quiet possibly so I just we went there went back to the yeah waited for the bus then the bus turned up straight away which is really lucky because I didn't even see it coming and it was pulling up because someone needed to get off so if I hadn't if we hadn't done that I'd have just driven right past because they don't stop and they should put your arm out for them to stop and there's a lot of people that don't know that which is it's it's kind of strange that um there's people

that still don't know that once that happened to me I thought was there a bus stop and I thought that the person waiting there who was waiting there before me I think there was two people that were there before me at the bus stop I thought they were waiting for my bus because it was the only bus coming so I assumed that they you know I kind of just get my bags assume they're going to put their hands out to stop it because they're going to go on first because they were waiting there first but

they didn't stop the bus because they weren't waiting for the bus and the bus went past so when I stood up turned around with my bags in my hands the bus was kind of driving past and then about 30 seconds later a car pulls up and they get into the car so they were just waiting for a lift at the bus stop so I waited for about half an hour I couldn't believe it another time I'm waiting for this bus and I get there and there's this elderly gentleman there I think he was wearing a

hat might not be relevant to the story and I know he did because it was it was made of chocolate and he let me have a little nibble but anyways wearing a hat and I was waiting I moved to the other side of the bus stop so I didn't have to talk to him and probably I don't know but about 10 women walk up and are waiting at the bus stop the bus pulls up so we're waiting I'm waiting with him so I don't know how long he was waiting but I was waiting for about

20 minutes and he was already there one minute before the bus gets there all these women turn up and they just start standing underneath the bus stop the bus pulls up this old man he puts his hand out because he knows to do that I'm thinking he's about to get on the bus you know he lets all the women on first to a very busy bus with very limited seating couldn't believe it it's like there's about seven seats on this bus three and you just let 10 people on in front of me now I might

have exaggerated the amount of people in fact I might be making up the whole thing but nevertheless and the reason I stress the fact that they were women was it doesn't make any difference because you know men are women it doesn't make any difference to take up seats but I don't think he'd have done it if it'd been men he was being old-fashioned what's that stupid thing that old men do sometimes do um shrivel shrivelous shrively and some would class it's sexist in that situation it's sexist if it means I have to stand on a

bus for 40 minutes then it's sexism letting women on first honestly it's like oh god I sound terrible don't I I don't I think we should all everyone should be treated separate I'd the thing is I was at a bus stop another bus stop and there was this lady with a pram this is getting worse this isn't it it's getting worse she got on a bus stop with a pram she was waiting there again she got there after me and my friend were waiting there for about 20 minutes it's often a long wait for buses

it's one of those things so I've waited for an hour and a half sometimes and it would take me about 10 minutes to walk it so I just you know we were waiting and the bus turned up my friend sort of oh we can go first but it's weird because I if I'd have been there I'd have done exactly the same thing but because someone else did it it annoyed me it's a little weird basically just a child very very and tantrums internal tantrums at bus stops another time on a bus I had some bus

journeys there was um actually there was a train journey years ago I think it was I don't know where on earth I was going to it was a long way away a long time ago and it was up north somewhere and there was these kids and I just got there around the time of the kids leaving school so it was the kids were on the bus or on the train rather and these two kids walk up to these two other girls but they were older clearly a lot older and one of them says hello you're

nice and have you got a boyfriend I said what I'm born a guy have you got a boyfriend and uh oh no she said what's your name she said oh I'm Georgina so do you want to go out sometime she said no I've got a boyfriend that's it and then he turns to the next guy says what's your name and honestly it might not sound funny the whole train was laughing the train was rocking because of the laughter you know even the bus the train driver crashed the train it was terrible but apart from that

it was funny but it was anyone that heard it because it was loud the way he did it so cocky and brash but it was very funny and the two girls couldn't stop laughing so it wasn't done in a really weird way that could it was done in such a cheeky funny way that and I can imagine I mean that there will be blimey they'll probably be in their nearly 30 now if not older which is weird isn't it they were kids school kids and now they're probably in their early 30s it's that long ago

but um I bet they went on to be quite quite um confident you know if they could do that at that age yeah so it's very it was very funny everyone was laughing it was a really nice light moment um another time on a tube a tube train this is the early 90s I was just sitting there and it's a thing if you've never been on a tube train in London I don't know if it's the same on the metro in France or on the subway in America or the equivalent underground trains you know like

in uh Japan and they have them in China as well don't they the undergrounds I don't know how many countries have undergrounds I know that England was the first trust me because those tunnels are old they're old there's some old holes down there oh and uh it's really dusty it's that was the the thing more more of all when there was uh there was a underground crash it wasn't a serious crash it was more like a shunt so two two trains one stopped and the other one sort of slowed down and went into the back

of it but no one was injured like in the crash or anything like that so it wasn't like serious it was like maybe two miles an hour or whatever but the dust it it basically caused the dust from the tunnels to come down and fill the tubes the dirt all the trains were full of dust so it wasn't the you know it was like really you know it was quite serious at the time having to get everyone out because it was literally like black you couldn't see anything apparently because of the the dust and stuff

from 7,000 years of train journeys on the underground but anyway I was on the underground probably on the central line and if you've ever traveled on London underground there's kind of an unwritten law that you don't look at each other kind of you know it's it's just one of those things and which is why they put I think the adverts they might not do it anymore I'm out of touch with London I haven't lived there for a long time now and I kind of wish I was still there now really I kind of I think

I perhaps should never have left but hey you can't go back so I literally couldn't go back to London now I couldn't afford to to to live there it's way too expensive you know I left just before things got expensive in fact I was renting a room because I had a room and then I then I moved out when I got evicted one of my many evictions and I moved into this room which was basically connected to another room but physically literally there was a door a double door that connected it so basically what it

was was a living room a double living room and they just had these doors in between that were locked which meant there was no soundproofing you know there's a door and it wasn't even a proper door it was um like a flimsy thing and it was I don't know how to it's more like a cupboard door than an actual door door anyway I was so I was in there and it was so expensive I think I was paying £180 a week or something for the rent something like that it was that was a shock to

the system that was and that was back in 2001 and then there was this man that was sleeping in the other room and he snored now I snore so I'm I'm never going to be prejudiced against someone that snores I know it's no one's fault at all it's a blameless thing you can't if you you know when you're asleep you can't control whether you're on your right or your side or on your back when you're asleep you're asleep I snore tough people that snore they snore and if you know if you don't want to be

with someone that snores then don't be with them simple as that so there you go but I know I know people that actually live sleep in different rooms because the person there with snores well did you not know they snored when you first met them yeah well why'd you marry them then you know because I loved him I loved her I've hardly been with anyone that snores I think the people that snore most are the ones that complain about my snoring and I don't mention it I don't mention snoring I don't mention the sleepy farts

I don't mention anything that happens until they moan about my snoring then I say well would you like to know what happens when you're asleep what what wonderful sounds you produce and I'll tell them they said I don't believe it and then I'll play them a recording that I made that's the thing someone like me I record things it's very easy to record things yes yes yes I don't I don't generally record anything apart from this but uh it is easy to if you wanted to so this bloke snored but it was loud it was

really really really loud and so I didn't get any any sleep hardly at all for a couple of months yeah it's just and I was working every day I was working Monday to Friday all day then Friday evening to early hours and Saturday evening until early hours so I was you know I only had sort of Sunday off so it's a very very weird time oh yes it was it definitely very much was a very different strange time so oh yeah I was on a tube back in the 90s early 90s I'm just sitting there

and I even remember now I was sitting I suppose anyway I was sitting on the right hand side so it means I'd have been whichever way Tottenham Court Road tube station platform where you get on and off is I was sitting facing the platform and other people were just sitting there it wasn't a busy tube it was probably about half full three quarters full you know there's no one standing really most people you know it was because I only really ever sat down when there was plenty of room most of the time I'd stand you

know I don't like sitting next to people it's uh I sound awful don't I when I say stuff I don't I don't like being near people you know generally I don't sit next to people if possible and I so I was just sitting there no one's sitting next to me but you know a couple of people sitting opposite the doors open at I don't know Oxford Circus one of those tubes trade station tube stations and someone stood just got on didn't really take any notice doors closed and within about 10 seconds of door closing this

man started playing I think it was the banjo and singing like really um I don't know what the right word is um badly I don't know if that's the it's but it was like really I mean singing and a banjo at the same time I suppose it can go together but a banjo is quite often like quite a good instrument on its own without any vocals but the two didn't kind of go together it's it's like Marmite and ice cream you know it's it's kind of a bit of a weird mix and I just thought

anyway my natural reaction was to burst out laughing and so as well in fact this is how it happened the man started singing and he starts just and I think he was dancing as well but I was looking at him the lady opposite me was looking at him and then we looked at each other and we both burst out laughing until at least the next you know the next stop and we couldn't stop she was crying I was crying it was just so and I was trying not to because I didn't want to offend this

this man because it wasn't about um I didn't didn't want to laugh at him but it was uncontrollable laughter and it was probably more funny because I looked at him and then and we both looked at each other that me and the lady and it was kind of that I think I was laughing at her facial expression she was laughing at my facial expression which was probably both of like disbelief and trying not to laugh we both spontaneously laughed and a couple other people laughing as well and and I just I felt I felt guilty

but I couldn't stop because the more I stopped the more I laughed and and then yeah I think I had to get off at the next stop and then I realized I'd actually made a connection with her you know in a kind of a real there might have been a possibility of she might who knows she might like me I was much younger then and you know but that would have been quite a nice start to a even a friendship even if it wasn't a relationship um or even if it was just a you know

a three-hour relationship it would just been but I didn't think about it I just I just had to get off that tube because I felt guilty for I didn't want to upset that man who was I don't know what he was really doing I mean I don't think he'd ever listened to himself but I don't think it was really even about the the quality of the singing or anything it was just it was it wasn't even that really it was the absurdity of it the randomness of it I mean it would have been equally it

was the equal thing was if uh if if you know if the the old pensioner man that was sitting opposite further up got up and started doing a pole dance you know it would it would have been the same kind of situation it would just you know because weird things do happen on a tube you know I've stood there and someone's walked on and started reading verses out of a religious book just stood there just reading it out what on earth are you doing and it's like that you know those kind of things happen in

London it's one of the most in some ways one of the strangest places and possibly one of the greatest places in the same way for that reason because everything's there anything you want to do is in London anything that you ever want to do apart from be warm apart from sunbathe you can sunbathe occasionally in the summer but you know there's loads of stuff to do in London and I've never lived anywhere where there's been lots of things to do apart from when I was in London and although I wasn't really a sightseer apart from

when I was dating because I dated quite a few foreign girls from other countries and they'd like be here maybe as students or um for whatever reason they'd sort of come here on holiday so I'd show them the sights go to the palace and go and show them the what Madame Tussauds Tower of London my underpants and there's different places to that are really is it Madame Tussauds which is the one with the the things that look like famous people it's Madame Tussauds waxworks isn't it yeah so we used to go and I've taken a

few over the years a few girls ladies um out back you know back in the old days when I was a youngster and another thing I used to do is sort of take them to Southend as well because if you live in London there's you know there's no sea there is the Thames which is connected to the sea obviously but it's not it's not the same um um so Southend isn't that far away it's in Essex but it's a train trip it's a train journey for I don't know 50 minutes 45 minutes or something and

then suddenly you're at a seaside and it's the longest pier in Europe or used to be um so yeah I used to do that sometimes and I remember I was there with a Spanish girl called Marta and she Spanish lady she was 19 and uh she I was what 24 I think and she was a an au pair au pair that's what I thought when I saw her oh what a pair because she was eating a pear and uh she uh also had a banana and she shared it with me it was nice she didn't

share it with me she just she was eating it I took a bite and she said you can eat the rest and she looked disgusted she didn't want to share with me at all really but she yeah we went out and she well how it happened is I had a little technique it's gonna sound weird but if I saw someone I liked I'd ask them I'd ask them for directions or asking for the time so I was at Stratford tube station I lived in Stratford I'd lived there for what four years five years so I

knew my way around Stratford very well and I went up to and said do you know where the I didn't know she was Spanish I could see she was I don't know just I didn't know where she was um and I said do you know where the central line is or do you know where what line takes you to Liverpool streets something like that something really um really a bit pathetic really but and she said I don't know where to go to where it is so Liverpool street and I said oh where are you from

I just he said I was Spanish or Spanish and she got like a little chat in got chat in I said what do you fancy going out if you give me a number and she did she wrote down I wrote I didn't have a number so I used to phone her from the pub but she gave me her number and she also gave me her home address as well because she was staying in Romford not Romford Harold Wood she was an au pair for a doctor and I really liked her a lot I really really

really really liked her so yeah we went out for a couple of dates and when we was in um Southend because we spoke on the phone for hours and everything man the the pub didn't like it even though I was putting money into it it was a pay phone but it was other people wanted to use it as well and I was using it as my personal landline but you know we really got on well we could communicate over the phone and I think she did say once that she likes my she likes me much

better when she's got her eyes closed and she could just hear my voice I said that's nice and we was on a Southend pier and a couple of Spanish people spoke to her I don't know how they recognized she was Spanish but they said oh I think she was talking to me so she had an accent I said oh yeah from a Spania whatever and I was speaking all in Spanish or is it Mexican I don't know whatever the language is and I can't she did teach me a bit of Spanish and I taught her

a bit of English but I wasn't really listening you know it was it was it definitely went into my short-term memory the words and so I couldn't remember anything now and it's mainly like body parts and basic kind of I love you and you're beautiful and I taught her how to say those things to me and these two people spoke to her in Spanish and she answered in Spanish and I knew exactly what they'd asked her and exactly what she'd said back and I asked her that and I told her and she said and she

admitted that is exactly what was said and this is what they said to her they said to her but it's probably hello hello whatever is that your boyfriend and she said no laughingly now I don't know if it was I don't know how I could tell by the tone because they they walked off laughing and and I thought well they've made fun of me or something's happened to her and I don't know if it was the tone of her voice or the fact that she started like shaking her head no no and shouting no no

no no him no no no actually it was in English and then sort of like laughing hysterically stepping back and chucking her ice cream at me trying to push me into the sea I don't know maybe that was why it's those little those little uh little physical movements that sometimes I don't notice but maybe I did unconsciously notice that was another train journey one of the things the bus I told you about the bus I don't know if you might not have heard it but there was a lady on the bus and she was this

was a few weeks back she was in a wheelchair like one of those electrical wheelchairs and so she couldn't I think she had like minimal movement and she'd strapped herself in attach herself I don't know how but somehow strapped herself with some kind of seat belt into the bus and she was stuck and she was asking for help and the bus driver said nope I'm not allowed to touch you and I stood up shouting out I don't mind touching you or I'm happy to touch you I didn't mean it like that that's just the words

that came out of my mouth what I meant is I'm happy to help you but at the same time I wanted to let her know that um I've got no problem touching her you know they've got even saying like that sounds weird just because he for for legal reasons or whatever you know as a bus driver he's not allowed to put his hands on people or whatever in case he heals them possibly but I just because he's you know I don't want that if you're a bus driver and if you've got a bus driver that

heals people with their hands cause all kinds of problems I mean everyone will want to drive on that bus with me and travel on it touch me touch me that's actually my name not touch me my name is my name is Jason but what it means in Greek is healing hands or healer or healing hands and it's a great name to have it's a very kind of ancient and historical but that information will not hold up in court I have healing hands your honor does not hold up oh dear so I can't I'm trying to

think of any other train journeys that were weird there's been lots lots of bus journeys many many many many many many wonder how many I wonder is there any way of knowing there isn't is there really I sometimes wish I'd I think if I was if I knew I was going to be doing these recordings and I almost wish that I'd kept I don't know some kind of diary or something of everything that I'd ever done not everything obviously but you know the or there'd be some weird recordings but you know I'm talking about like

you know every bus journey if I kept every bus ticket every train journey every every train ticket every travel card every magazine I've ever bought every you know but then where would I keep it all because there wouldn't be enough room probably in this whole building you know the whole building would be full of imagine just empty empty coke cans if I just kept every mind that be keeping trash wouldn't it but something I did find out I used to I used to get look in magazine when I was a kid and I got it

for years and years and I had hundreds of them they're now on eBay selling for up to seven ten pound each individually some some are 150 some are three pounds some are five pound I had hundreds of them original and I kept them in perfect condition apart from the ones which I didn't and admittedly I used to take the posters out of some of the people put them on the wall on the wall well as a mixed sentence but a lot of them were like perfectly you know kept stacked on top of each other and

I remember once I was in a toilet it was in the yeah I was in the bottom toilet that the the downstairs toilet my brother was watching the FA cup I had a box of magazines looking a couple of piles and I was sitting on the toilet and I thought instead of wiping I'll let it dry and I'll just I'll put my magazines in order at the time the look in I'm going to try and just crumble it off I just I thought I'd get the the look in magazine and I'll put it all into

numerated numeratical order numeratical and I did that I also did another thing I used to do in the early 90s from 1991 January until 1994 I kept Time Out magazine because I was in there I was listed in the comedy section not every week but quite a bit and also I could see who was on my friends I could go see them you know I had every week I got one for one two three for three three and a half years let's say 91 92 93 94 up till I don't know summer 94 I had

hundreds that's what just over two at least over 150 probably 180 magazines I don't know 200 magazines so if I'd have carried on collecting them every week for the last 20 years I'd have a lot more wouldn't I so maybe I need to start collecting more magazines because I suppose with the the internet and less printing being done some of those magazines might be actually quite valuable to people in the future yeah anyway that's the end of this recording and I'm going to have to stop watching the news I think just doing my head in

so have a lovely lovely day ahead take care of yourself and I'll speak to you tomorrow remember to be kind to yourself because you deserve to be happy and before I go I just want to give a little shout out to oh it doesn't say who it's from that's weird it's got to say who it's from surely Laura Laura left me a message for the weekly number 36 sleep hypnosis weekly number 36 with music this with music in brackets sent me to sleep twice as fast as usual I can't do the ASMR whispering stuff I

generally find this particular podcast is the one that helps me sleep the most but if you could do more like this with the gentle music it honestly saved me with so much going on out in the world so much going on in the world I'm self-employed and my work has all been cancelled and so I'm constantly in a state of panic if I had money going spare right now I'd help via paypal.me I'm sorry not be able to do that but I'm grateful for this amazing service and so my message to Laura is thank you

for the message that your kind words are way more important than money it's lovely to hear that what I'm doing is helpful honestly and and I have taken what you said on board and I will I just mentioned doing this sleep hypnosis weekly I need to do another one so I will as soon as I can find a quiet space I'm going to do another one and I will do it also with music so you'll have two options to listen to it with and without music so I do appreciate your message Laura thank you so

that's the end of the recording and I will speak to you soon lots of love take care bye