#315 Let me bore you to sleep - Jason Newland (28th January 2020)

Hello, welcome to jasonnewland.com. My name's Jason Newland. Please only listen to this when you can safely close your eyes. And this is Let Me Bore You To Sleep.

Now, what I thought I would do is something a little bit different. So there might be a little bit of background sound and changes of kind of sound, I guess, as I do this. I'm going to give you, I'm going to take you back five years.

That's it. I'm going to, I've got a time machine. It's in my voice.

I'm going to take you back. I'm going to take you back five years into my life when I first saw this flat, my home that I'm living in now. So I'm even going to take you outside and describe what I saw when I first moved in.

So if you like what I do, leave a review. And if you want to, if you'd like to help support with the running costs of this free service, you can go to paypal.me forward slash Jason Newland. The link's on my website.

So here we go. I'm just going to take you through this. So as I said, there's going to be a few sounds different from normal.

So here we go. I'm taking you outside the flat. So I'm going to take you downstairs.

Okay, it's very weird, very weird thing that I'm doing. Okay, so I'm going to do it. I won't go outside because it's cold and raining.

So I walked through the door. I phoned the lady or I think, yeah, to see because she, or she might have phoned me because I was waiting outside and she said, I'm upstairs. So I come upstairs, brown banister on the right, black banister thing, metal thing on the left.

So I'm walking up the stairs. How many steps is there? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15 steps. Big window in front of me in the hallway, which leads, looks out to the garden.

I turn left and the big black banister goes all the way along the left hand side. And there's another big window looking out onto the road and the banister goes all the way to the wall outside my door. So I'm looking at this place.

There's an old electric alarm thing above the wall or above the door for some reason. It doesn't work anymore. And I knock on the door.

She opens the door. In fact, I think she was standing outside. She says, come in Jason.

And I came in. So this is the first time I'm standing in my new home. See at the time I didn't know it was going to be my new home.

So I'm looking at it. There's no lights at all in the building, in the place, no lights. But fortunately it's quite, it was a bright day.

It was April, but it was quite dull. In fact, if I turn the light off, even during the summer, it's dark in the hallway because there's no light coming into the hallway, like where the front door is. There's no carpet on the floor anywhere.

It was loads of paint splatter, you know, from how many years worth of paint. I think it was paint. There's these white splatter bits all over the floor in here, the bedroom, bathroom, well no, not the bathroom, in the living room.

So I'm looking around and I'm thinking, okay, bit of a weird angle. As soon as you walk in, you're faced a door. You have to kind of go around, not around the door, because that would be weird, but you know, follow the hallway around and the gaps between the walls basically.

And you can see straight ahead, there's the kitchen. You might be able to hear the fridge from here. But there was no fridge at the time.

But what she did to start with, she said, well, look at this. I said, well, I've got to be worried then. And she opened the door right in front of the front door as you go in.

And this is big storage room. Now it's got stuff in it. So it doesn't look as big as what it did.

But it's an L shape. And if it was long, it'd be big enough to have a single bed. It'd be big enough to have as a bedroom, even a window in a bedroom, really.

But you know, if you were hard pressed, you could sleep in it. And I thought, wow, that's a big storage room. And she said, yeah, it is.

And she said, but can you stop saying wow? Because I said, why? She said, that's annoying me. I said, that's a bit rude. She said, no, it's not really.

I'm in charge. I said, no, you're not. No one's in charge of anything.

She said, technically, I am in charge of this place. I said, okay, yeah, but can we just, can you just be nice? I said, she said, oh, okay then, but a bit of a weird weekend. I said, well, what happened? I regretted that because she told me.

I said, oh, never ask someone, never ask someone how they are. I remember once, my dad, I'm not going to say the person he asked, but he said to this person, I think it was my, what I would tell you is, it was my step-mom's mother. And he knocked on the door to pick up my little brother.

He was about eight at the time. So we were living at that place, when I was living on a camp bed in their living room. So he knocks on the door.

He didn't come in. He just, he's waiting for my little brother to come. And he said to her, he said, how are you? She said, oh, and she reels off this, probably at least five minutes of physical complaints that she had.

And my dad kept quiet all the way through it. And at the end of it, when she stopped talking, he said, oh, good. And I couldn't stop laughing.

I don't think he meant it in that way, but it was just so, you know, and I was, I heard him, and I was cracking up laughing. I was only 16 or 15, no, I was 15, but it was just hilarious. Just, just so wrong.

He shouldn't have, you know, but anyway, he wasn't saying good that she was suffering. I think he was, they didn't really like each other. So it was kind of small talk, you know? So there you go.

Well, they might have loved each other. I don't know. So I came out here.

It looked a lot different to what it does now. I had a different front door. I had an old door that had probably been on there for the last 20, 30 years.

That's now replaced by a brand new door that I got in, I don't know, October time, November, October. I've now got a coat rack, which is on the wall, which wasn't there before. My dad put that up for me.

And I've got a mirror that I can look into. It means I can see my reflection. If I ever want to see my reflection.

Sometimes I do want to see my reflection. Sometimes I don't. But it's there anyway.

So when I don't want to see my reflection, I just don't look at it. And then straight ahead, again, it's carpeted. But the carpets grimy and ripped up at the sides, thanks to my little boy, Andre, completely destroyed every carpet in this place.

And there's a bit of wear and tear as well for me walking in there and football boots on after because I'm a professional footballer. I don't know if you realize. So you know, the studs on my football boots sometimes dig into the carpet.

And so yeah, that's the problem with being a professional, professional athlete. You can ruin the carpet. So as I look down to the left of me, on the wall, there's the thermostat for the boiler.

I suppose you could say it's not going to be for the television, is it? Yeah, I know. But I'm just saying it's for the boiler. It's a thermostat.

I've never had my own thermostat before. Can you believe that? I've never had my own thermostat. Even when I've had, I've had a couple of studio apartments over the years.

And even then, the heating was always controlled by the landlord. I didn't have any control over the heat. I've lived in rooms that had no heating in.

I've never had my own thermostat. It's something it's something special. It's kind of, I now feel like a man.

So as I look down, I can see the kitchen, the door open. And first on the left is my bedroom. Second on the left is the living room.

Third on the left, the doorway, that's the bathroom. And the door right ahead is the kitchen. There's a light bulb, there's a light lampshade with a light in it when I first moved in, but there was no light, because no electricity.

I probably didn't notice that there was a smoke alarm on the ceiling. Probably didn't notice that at the time. But there is.

Noticed it now. But I didn't, you know, because of it being dark, I probably didn't. I don't know how often I look up.

How often do you look up? It's kind of, I suppose if you're really tall, you have to be a bit more aware of the ceiling, don't you? And like door frames and the height of door frames, so you don't bang your head. But because I've never really had that problem, I generally don't look up. I don't mean I'll never look up, I mean I have looked up.

It's not something I've never done. It has occurred at times. But when I'm looking at the sky, I prefer to do it lying down, like in a field.

Well, maybe not a field, but like on a beach or in a park. Not that I've done that for quite some time. Although a couple of years ago, I was laying down with Andre at the side of the road, near opposite a field, under a tree.

And it was a really nice day and I just thought I'd lie down with him. And people were stopping to see if I was okay. If I'd have been in my 20s or, you know, I reckon everyone would have just completely ignored it, thinking I was sunbathing.

But you know, seeing me, they probably thought, oh, make sure he hasn't fallen over and hurt his hip. Lovely. So this whole floor was just, well it's concrete, I've got a concrete floor.

And there is something on top of the concrete floor that is concrete. And so there's no, there wasn't any carpet at all. So the lady says, come on in then, let's get going.

Or something like that. So I think the first thing she showed me was the bedroom. And she said, come on, have a look at this.

And I said, okay, a bit too excitable for my liking, but that's okay. You know, let's have a look. Now the thing that I was surprised about was the size.

Because it's a big flat, you know, in the sense of the rooms are quite big. It's definitely not small rooms. The only small room is, I suppose, the bathroom is always going to be quite small, isn't it? But even then it's not tiny.

I mean, I managed to fall out of the bathroom, not even hit the side, not even hit any of the walls. I'm not bragging about that. I'm not showing off.

I'm just saying it's, I don't know, it's probably just bathroom size. I mean, I dated a girl years ago and her bathroom was bigger than my whole flat. I can't believe it.

There was a, there was a water fountain and everything that you could drink out of. It was amazing. So there was this and I just walked in and I was like, okay, I don't know what the measurement is of the wall.

I mean, the walls, I mean, it's a high ceiling. So I'm, I've got to be at least six foot three. So the ceiling's probably another half my height, I reckon.

So six, it's got to be at least seven, seven plus foot high ceiling. Probably more, maybe eight foot. Yeah, probably eight foot tall high, the ceiling.

And without measuring it, I couldn't tell you what the measurement was of the, between, you know, like between the walls. But it was empty. So everything looks bigger when it's empty, doesn't it? Or not everything.

I mean, some things need to be full of blood before they look bigger. But, you know, I mean, generally most things look like the, like a balloon I've talked about, you know, if you blow a balloon up, it looks bigger, doesn't it, than if it was deflated. But this room, completely empty.

No, again, no carpet, nothing on the wall, no bed, of course, no wardrobe. And believe it or not, this might come as a shock to you, there was no garden shed in this room. I was very surprised.

I thought everyone had a garden shed in their bedroom, but clearly not. And the thing I noticed probably most of all about this room when I walked in, was the size of the windows, really big windows. And I'd say the windows in length, pretty much the same height as I am.

That makes sense in like long ways. The height of the window is about seven, I don't know about, yeah, but it's seven foot. And the window sill starts around my pubic bone area.

So it's quite a big window, quite long. There's how many windows? One, two, three, four windows in it. Three that can open, one that doesn't.

And then there's the radiator that's even longer than the window, underneath the window. Because that's always a good idea, isn't it? Put the thing that produces heat underneath the place where heat gets out of. Yeah, that's a good place to put a radiator.

So the radiator is underneath the window and it's a long, long radiator. Now, if he was here now, and you wouldn't get the same effect as I got in the sense of the shed. It is from the wall.

It comes across and it dips into one, probably a quarter of the radiator. Yeah, a quarter of the radiator on one side near the wall. Yeah, probably about that.

And a quarter of the window, but it's not right against the window. So it doesn't block the window. Oops, I'm tripping over myself now.

But at the time there was nothing in here. It was just carpetless, lots of paint stains on the floor and lots of tacks. I don't mean tick tacks, but bits of metal like nails or whatever, sticking up.

So I wasn't quite sure what that was about. Again, there was a lampshade. It's in the middle of the room.

It still is, but it's a different lampshade. And there was a light bulb. And it's very bright in here.

Because there's no curtains, no, no, what's it, the net curtains either. So it's very bright. It's very, it was first thing in the morning.

It's about nine o'clock or half nine in the morning. Very bright. The doors, I noticed, were very tatty, still are.

Doors have been here probably, and they looked like this place was built. It was built in the 50s. It looks like the doors were second hand when they actually built the property.

That's what the doors look like. Just, we haven't got any doors. Don't worry, I'll found some in a skip.

We'll use them. So that's that. There's a light switch, which is always handy.

That's on the right hand side. As you come in the door, it's on the left. That's where the light switch is.

No wonder he's decided to join me. And there was no ferret running around either when I moved in here. No ferret.

It was also quiet, very quiet. What are you looking at? What do you want? So I thought, that's all right. I was kind of trying to visualise in my mind, because I had a bed.

I had a single bed. I thought, where's it going to go? And the possibilities were, well, they weren't endless, but they were, you know, flexible. And initially, when I moved in, didn't have no carpet or anything like that.

But I put my bed in against the wall, which is parallel with the living room, that wall, and had the bed coming out. And that was it. That's kind of all I had at the time.

And then, as I walk out, she said, guess what, there's another room. I said, what, really? She said, yeah. And in the past, I would have been really happy just with this room, the size of it.

Admittedly, if I was living in one room, I wouldn't have a shed in there. I probably, yeah, there's not enough, there's not enough room to have a shed in a place where you're kind of spending all your time. But it does show there's enough room for a settee.

There's enough room for a TV. So all the kind of, I mean, technically, I could probably stick a cooker or, you know, a fridge and stuff in here as well, if I kind of needed to. And sort of set it up really nice, but I don't need to.

And therefore, I don't. But it's a nice size. And if I was in one room on my own, I probably wouldn't have got a double bed.

So I've got a king size bed in there. And it was one of my most expensive purchases. Like really, when I moved in here, three of the most expensive things I've ever purchased in my life up to that point, was the bed, which is about 350 pound, the washing machine, which is about 350 pound, the carpet, which was over 600 pound.

And that's without the fridge, freezer, cooker, and other bits and bobs, you know, pans, frying pans, cooking pans, cutlery plates. It's like loads of stuff, just because I didn't need any of that stuff. I had one plate, one dish, one spoon, one fork, one knife.

And that was it. That's all I had. So I thought, no, I don't need to live like that anymore.

So I've got loads and I've got loads of washing up to do. So there was pretty much nothing in here when I first moved in anyway. So she walked back out and she said, come on, let's go and look at another room.

I said, okay. And she led me into the next room, which is on the left, which was the living room, which is bigger than the bedroom. And again, I mean, at the moment, there's not a huge amount of stuff in there.

There's a couple of chairs, there's a table, or three tables, two little tables, one big table, four bookcases, five. There's another bookcase, there's five, one little bookcase, punch bag on the wall, TV on the wall, a lamp, and then there's curtains and everything. And there's lots of Andres toys just everywhere, all over the place.

So even with stuff in there, the room is still fairly big, like it looks quite big, because I don't have stuff in the middle of the room. I like space. And the problem with having a settee is people, I worry that someone might come and get comfortable.

I want to sit down for long periods of time. So if you make it uncomfortable, people don't want to stay. So I'm not really, I'm kind of semi joking on that one.

So when I moved in, there was nothing, obviously the paint, that would be really, imagine if there was a punch bag on the wall, I'd have been so happy. But there wasn't. There was nothing.

It was just plain walls. They weren't particularly dirty. They weren't, they were just kind of just white walls.

A couple of them needed a bit of paint. But other than that, no carpet again, an excessive amount of paint on the on the floor, really a lot, and loads of nails sticking up. So it's very echoey.

I don't think it's as echoey. And I don't know what you think, because I've moved from the hallway. I started off downstairs, didn't I? Looking up the stairs, walking up the stairs, walking into the front door, talking in the hallway for a bit, walking into the bedroom, talking in the bedroom, then walking out back into the hallway.

And now I'm in the living room. So I don't know if it sounds different in here to you. But I do have a lot of soundproofing on the walls in here.

And as far as having stuff in here, I do have bookcases, but I've got a big shed in the other one. So there's there is stuff to absorb the sound as far as in a bed and stuff like that. So I hope that it's quieter, a bit better quality sound when I'm here.

That's what I hope. But you're gonna have to let me know because otherwise it means I've got to listen back. And I don't want to do that.

So there's nothing on the floor. And I was looking around and thinking, okay, hmm. So I wasn't sure, just gonna have a little drink.

I wasn't really sure the last time that I kind of really had, well, this was the first time, this is the first time I'd ever been in that position. That's what I mean. I've never been in a position to rent like a council flat.

I've never had that opportunity. And I really needed someone with me. Because I was finding it a bit, it wasn't extremely relaxing, to be fair.

Because, just because I don't, I didn't know what to look for. Does that make sense? And one thing I did notice is lots of plugs. I've got two in the bedroom, two double plugs in the bedroom.

I've got one double plug, two double plugs in the living room, plus another two double plugs. There's four double plugs in the living room, or plug sockets, which is really good. There's a satellite dish outside the window, not the window, on the wall outside, as there is pretty much in every flat from previous tenants.

And I didn't know what to look for. The only thing that I was looking for, really, from my own personal perspective, was to make sure the place wasn't damp. I had no intention of living in a damp place, because that's one of the main reasons I moved.

And another thing I was really, probably, in a sense, more important than that is quiet. Have somewhere that's quiet. But it's really difficult to establish the level of noise and sound that may be being presented to you, just in that 20 minutes of looking around, or 15 minutes or whatever it was.

So it very much was a gamble. It was a gamble. If I had come in here and the walls were shaking, because someone was playing bass music downstairs, and the whole building was shaking, I would have just laughed it off and said, see ya.

Get back to me, when either those people have moved out, or you've got another property. Because I would not live in a place with someone like that. Because it's just hell.

So yeah, I don't want that. I've done it too many times in the past. So I was looking at this, again, the window is really big.

I think it's exactly the same size as the other window. The radiator is exactly the same size as the other radiator. The only difference is, on the right hand side, there's a much bigger gap to the wall.

It just shows how much bigger the wall is. It's a good, I don't know, maybe four foot longer. Maybe five, I don't know, something like that.

So I like it. There's still lots to do. But that's part of the fun.

Because, you know, I know that when Andre goes to heaven in a few years time, hopefully not for a long time, but when that happens, you know, I'll get myself a decent carpet and things will change. The flat will change. I'm never going to get myself a dog.

And I can never replace Andre. So it will be, the place will look very different. There won't be paper on the floor for him to do his little bits of business on.

I won't have to hide things. I won't have to keep, I'll be able to leave stuff on a table without having to move it because I know that it will knock it off. So just change, the environment will change.

But I'd prefer to stay like this forever if he's with me, you know, but that's kind of obvious, isn't it, I suppose. But it will change over time, as will I. So I looked at this place and I thought, I looked at this room and I thought, what a rubbish door. And she said, yeah, I think they found it in a skip in 1943.

I said, oh, that's what I was thinking. You know what, if I ever make a really boring podcast specifically to bore people, I might mention that one day. And she said, really? I said, what do you mean boring podcasts? I said, no, I said boring podcasts, not bodcasts.

She said, that's what I said, podcasts. Don't make fun of the way I speak. I said, sorry, sorry.

And she said, what was that about? I said, well, I might do, at the moment I do these sleep recordings. I've been doing them since 2006 and I do chronic pain relief and relaxation, stop smoking, stuff like that. She said, okay.

I said, and she said, what about, what are you talking about the boring things then? Well, I said, well, some people say that when I do my Jason chats, which is a vlog, they say that I bore them to sleep and they fall asleep to me talking, even though I'm not actually trying to get them to sleep. And she said, oh, when did you start doing those Jason chats then? I said, oh, about 2000. Well, I think I named them Jason chats in about 2011 or 10.

But I was doing the, I used to call them update videos back in 2007. And she said, oh, so you've been doing them much longer than the podcasts that also do sleep recordings. I said, oh yeah, yeah.

A lot longer. I said, oh, okay. So you've been doing it longer than the other podcast that does a boring podcast that someone online said that you'd copied them.

I said, yeah, I was doing a lot longer than him. I just didn't call it that. Oh, okay.

And she said, well, how do you know that you might do a boring podcast then one day? I said, I don't, I don't know. So why do you mention it then? I said, well, I thought it might fit in with this recording I'm doing now. She said, you're recording me? I said, look, only secretly.

She said, oh, okay. As long as it's a secret. I said, yeah.

And we held hands for a little while and then we danced around, made a little fire in the middle of the room, danced around. Only a little fire, but actually it was a lighter. It was just a little lighter standing up.

One of those ones that you can, um, have lighting or the candle. Yeah. That's it.

That's what they're called. Candles. So looking at this place and I'm thinking, okay, it's nice.

It's all right. It's grotty, grotty in the sense of there's all these splatters of paint all over the floor. It's almost like there was two cans of paint living here or there was one really, really extremely frustrated male can of paint that lived here on his own and spent a lot of time on the internet.

Yeah. I'm just saying there was a lot of that stuff on the floor just, and a lot of paint. So then she said, do you want to see the kitchen? I said, yeah, but can you, why are you whispering? She said, I thought you'd like whispering.

I said, well, I said, I don't mind it. I said, she said, but you make whisper recordings, don't you? I said, yeah. How do you know about that? She said, we always check out the Facebooks of people that might move in.

We like to check you out. I said, that's not scary at all. And she said, well, should we look in the kitchen? Shall we? I said, yeah, but can I just get a drink first? She said, well, I said, I'm just going to get a drink of Coke.

And she said, you don't ever drink a Coke on you. I said, I know, but while I'm recording, I am. I want to record this in the future.

She said, what? I said, don't worry. Let's have a look. Let's have a look at the kitchen.

She said, oh, okay, goodie, goodie. So I have to turn the light on because it's night time. But on that day, it was bright day and the light was in the kitchen.

So I have to pretend. In all fairness, it was much cleaner then than what it is now. It was, the floor was much cleaner, a lot tidier.

And so again, another, it's like the door from the skip just moves from doorway to doorway as I walk through the flat, just one door. So as I walked in, there's one of those big long lights, you know, the, like the old fashioned kitchen lights with the, is it a strobe light? I don't know, the big, you know, the big long ones that almost look like lightsabers. And on the floor, there's, there's always been sticky, a little bit sticky tiles, black tiles, a little bit of patterning to go around the edge, you know, of the floor.

And straight ahead of me, there's a counter and it's, it looks a bit marbly. It's not obviously, but it looks a bit marbly, quite nice pattern. And so that, that was just empty at the moment.

Now it's got a fridge on top and a microwave next to it. But that was empty. There was a gap underneath.

There's a little, a drawer and a cupboard on the right hand side. But there's a gap underneath for the fridge or the freezer. There's a freezer under there now, but it was empty before.

Then above the microwave now, which was empty before, well, the microwave is empty now. But you know what I mean, there's a cupboard. I'll open it up.

It's got some sliced peaches and some green giant, originally sweet corn and some baked beans. Some rice pudding as well. So it's got stuff in there now, but at the time there was nothing in there.

And then if you move along, there was a gap, which now has a cooker. And there was the old thing at the back. And it gives you, there's an electric thing, which you can attach to it.

Of course I could have had gas if I wanted as well. Could have chosen gas or electric for the cooker. I chose electric.

And moving along, there's another, I don't know, top that goes along to the right. There's not a lot of space really. And then turning right, there's the sink and the draining board.

A little bit of top that's empty. And then there's the boiler on the right-hand side on top. So at the moment I've got a kettle, toaster, a, what do you call it? A steamer and a Breville toasted sandwich maker.

So that's on the top there. I've also got some potatoes and some bananas, but it was empty before. There was no bananas before.

It was completely empty. And then above that, there's a cupboard, which is probably three times as big as the other one. And that's where I, at the moment I've got bread and tea and coffee and stuff like that in there, but there was nothing in there at that time.

There wasn't really enough cupboard space in here for me, but I'll make do. I could do with more cupboard space. I just love complaining, so it's okay.

And then above the sink area and the draining board area, there's the window. And again, it's a good size window. I don't know what a bad size window is.

It's probably just an average size window with a windowsill underneath. And because there was no... In fact, I didn't change the... What's the thing you call it that you pull up and down? Not a zip. I don't know.

I forget what they're called, but that was already there. But there was no net curtain, so I put a net curtain in there. I think my dad said, what do you want a net curtain for? I said, well, wait, I think he might have asked that.

I said, because people can see in. I don't want people looking into my bedroom. Not my bedroom, my kitchen, or I might decide to sleep in there.

I might decide this is my bedroom and have the cooker in the bedroom. And he said, no, you're not going to do that. I said, no, but if I wanted to, I could.

He said, you're not going to, are you? I said, no, I might do though. He said, you're not though, are you? I said, no. So it's quite bright in here, and it is during the day.

There's no blocking. There's no... I think there's some trees, but there's nothing really obstructing the light. And then underneath the sink, especially under where the sink itself is, there's another cupboard.

And to the right of it, where the kettle is, there's a cupboard and a little drawer. So there's storage in there, but unfortunately, we have the occasional mousy visit. Not much, because Andre, he's a pretty good guard for that stuff.

No one wants to come in there with him, but occasionally one gets strays in there by accident. And so I've had to kind of stop using those cupboards because I don't want to entice those little buggers to come in. And so then underneath, next to that cupboard under the sink, there's another big gap, which is where I've got the washing machine now.

So those are the things that I purchased when I first moved in. And the first things I got was the cooker, the fridge, and the washing machine. Those are the first three things that I bought before I even moved in, because I needed... I didn't see many point moving in and not having anywhere to put my milk or... And the washing machine, the nearest Laundrette that I know of is in town, and that's about... It's quite a few miles away.

It's a good maybe two-hour walk, if I was going to walk it, just to give you an idea of the distance. But I could get a bus, but I didn't want to go... I didn't want to continue doing that. I've never liked Laundrettes.

And this was an opportunity to have my own washing machine for the first time ever. Never had my own washing machine before. Ironically, someone, one of the other neighbours gave me a washing machine, said, you can have ours, we've got a new one.

You can have our one. And it didn't work. I was like, thanks.

I've got it all up here. Heaviest thing... Great, the fridge just turned itself on. Heaviest thing I've ever lifted in my life.

That's with help from another person, the washing machine, and it still didn't work. But luckily, as I went and bought a new one, they replaced it, so they took the old one away. I'm just so grateful, so I'll thank you.

And I offered people, if they wanted some hot chocolate to drink, but they said they had other things to do. And I said, are you sure? And he said, well, we'd like you as a friend, but don't really want any more thing to do with you. Just would like you just if you can sign the documents and we'll be on our way.

I said, okay, fair enough. Are you sure you don't want to do something at the weekend? I said, no, no, we don't. Okay.

And then on the right hand side, there was, it's a small radiator. And I've got a little clothes basket-y thing in front of it. I've also, my dad put up, he helped him put some stuff up for me.

So there's a rail, I don't know, like a towel rack on the wall above the radiator here. He put that up for me. And on top of that, I've got leaning a big whiteboard where you can write stuff on it.

And next to that, there was nothing here at all. It was just empty for ages. And then probably a year or two in, probably two years in, I bought a freezer.

It's one of those like small, you know, the top, the top, the lid up, you pull the lid up at the top. Unlike the ones with the trays and stuff with the lid at the front. I think they're chest freezers or whatever they call them.

It's not big, but it's definitely big enough for me. It's, so I've basically got two freezers, which means I've got easily enough space to store my stuff. I would quite like a bigger fridge because at times it just not really hold the amount of stuff I need.

And there is space to have a bigger fridge there, like a wider fridge and maybe a bit taller. So there is a possibility of doing that maybe in the future, but at the moment it's absolutely fine. But before there was no freezer in there, there was nothing in there.

And it was, I can put my arms straight out and twirl around like Wonder Woman. And if I have to do it very slowly, obviously, because I don't want to turn into Wonder Woman, but I don't, my hands don't touch any of the sides of the walls or anything. It depends what I do.

Obviously, if I do it right next to the wall, my hands touch the wall, but if I stand in the middle, so it's an okay size, but I suppose if I was very, if I was very tactical, I could have a table, like a breakfast table in here, maybe one that folded down from the wall and I could eat my breakfast in here. And I could also have a television on the wall. If I wanted to do that, because I've got two walls where there's nothing on there and another one above the cooker, which has got nothing on it as well.

So there's plenty of space on the wall for stuff, but I don't feel the need to sit in the kitchen, you know, and plus now I've got the freezer, there is no room. But again, if I was, if I wanted to, I could move stuff into the storage room and have freezers and stuff like that in there. But I think it's handy to be able to have, to be able to stick your hand in and just reach in and pull something out and, you know, it's there, the cooker's there, the microwave's there, not like walking around looking for stuff.

So yeah, so that, this is, and I've got a bin as well, that wasn't there before. So the bins, it's usually placed against the wall. It's a new bin because the other one broke.

I've gone through three bins since I've lived here. Andre kept knocking over the first one and the second one I bought was metal and I think that broke. Then I bought another one that was and that broke.

I purposely bought it so that he couldn't knock it over. I've got a heavy one and I bought this one and it's 50 litre pedal bin. Still got the sticker on and I don't have to touch the lid.

So it's got a little thing at the bottom that I can press to open the lid. And it's just perfect because it's just heavy enough that he can't knock it over, but he does slide it across the floor. So he, you know, he goes against the wall and he pushes it, tries to knock it over, but he can't because it's just too big, which is good.

And she said, well, if you stop talking about the bin, I can be able to show you the bathroom. And I said, all right. So he was getting impatient with me.

So he went into the bathroom, which is basically coming out of the door, turn left. Oh, there's that door again and turn left. And of course this is going to be a bit echoey because bathrooms are.

There's this, I don't know what, like pale pasty and pinky kind of line, lino stuff on the floor. I mean, there's some other colors there as well, but it's, I'll give you an idea how big it is. So if I take, if I'm walking out of here, this is how long it takes me to get to the sink.

So it's like one, two, three, four steps. And I'm at the stink. I'm at the four steps.

I'm at the sink, turn left one step. I'm at the stink. So the toilet's right next to the sink.

The bathroom, the bathrubber is, it's not a huge bath. You might think, well, sure. It's got to be huge.

If you fit in it, Jason. No, stop being, stop it. It's, it's okay.

Luckily I'm not very tall. So, but even I can't really kind of lay down and be completely covered, but it's okay. It does the trick for me.

I'm never going to get any taller. And so it's okay. It's, and there's a shower on the wall, but I've got no shower curtain.

So I meant that to my friend and there's a hot and cold tap. So that was how it was when I moved in. This was here and there's a windowsill.

The toilets were white. The sink was white. I'm not saying it's not white now.

I'm just saying that's the color of, it's that color. I mean, you can get different color sinks, can't you? Get blue ones, green ones, pink ones. This just happens to be a white one because it's been there since 1932.

And above the sink and the toilet, you know, there's not a lot separating the two to be fair. There's a shelf which is tiled and then there's a window. Again, it's quite big.

It's about seven foot high, but the window doesn't start until, well, the windowsill's around about my navel, just above my belly button. Above the bathroom, above the bathrobber, on one, two, three walls, you know, the whole thing's tiled with white tiles. Well, whitish tiles with a few weird hairs on there.

I don't remember them being there when I moved in. To the left of the window, there's a vent, you know, one of those ones that you pull on the string and it lets the air out or lets just the smoky, dusty pong, whatever, you know, from the bath. So that's on.

It's always on, but when I actually turn it on, it gets a proper big, it gets energized. I'm not sure what it really does. It gets very dusty, but I'm very careful because I don't want any moist or any damp in here at all.

I'll have all the windows open 24 hours a day if I have to. I'm not having any damp. No, no, no, no, never.

Now, as I turn, so the toilet's there. If I turn towards the other wall, which is opposite the bath, and there's a radiator, and also that's where the water, there's a thing up underneath, which turns the water on and off. There's like a water meters there.

There wasn't anything else there, but my dad put a rail on there for my towel. Everywhere we go, he just puts, honestly, wherever we go, my dad, he's just walking. He's got nothing on him.

He's got a jacket, maybe some gloves if it's cold. And we're talking to him, and I go to walk away, and suddenly there's a towel rack on the wall. Honestly, everywhere, restaurants, weddings.

I don't know where they come from. It's like the magic towel rack creator. Everywhere he goes, there's a towel rack.

It's on the wall near where he is. And people say, how did that towel rack get there? My dad says, I don't know, I don't know. And he walks away.

So I don't know where they come from. I mean, I've got that towel rack, I've got the other towel rack in the bathroom, one in the kitchen, and well, okay, there's only two, but you know, just as an example. Above that, there's a bathroom cabinet.

I could have just said cabinet, and it's in the bathroom, isn't it? I mean, it could be a cabinet, you could have it anywhere. It doesn't have to be in the bathroom, but it is in the bathroom. And even if it wasn't made for the bathroom, you'd call it a bathroom cabinet because it's the cabinet.

And if it was in the bathroom cabinet, if it was actually, imagine if you were in a bath, and you had someone in there with you, and you said, oh, can you just pass me, can you pass me the nail clippers, please, darling? And he said, where are they, honey? Oh, sweetheart, they're over there in the cabinet. Oh, well, what's wrong, honey? I can't find them. I can't find them.

Well, where's the cabinet? Like the bathroom cabinet. Oh, okay. I found it in the open, like the only cabinet in the room.

So that wasn't there when I first moved in, but it is now. And then something that also surprised me, apart from the fact that the door was here, doors follow me around, is there's another door with a mirror on, which is direct as you walk in there on the left-hand side, and open it up, and it's another storage room. Not to the same sort of level as the other storage room, because you can't walk into this one, but there's one, two, three shelves and a big, I suppose originally it would have been an airing cupboard.

But it's a nice, you could, well, depending, I suppose, you could kind of fit loads of clothes in there, or it's, I haven't, I use it for storing deodorant, and water bottles, and just goods, stuff that I use, like toilet paper. I don't like to say that out loud, because I know not everyone uses toilet paper. I know there's not many people that, you know, go to the toilet, but I'm one of them.

But yeah, I've got this, quite a few bits in there, and it's a big, it's right from the floor to the ceiling, which as I said is probably about eight foot plus, five, six, seven, yeah, probably about eight foot, and it's quite deep as well. So that is there, it's like, wow, plus, plus there's an attic in here, which I could store stuff if I wanted to. I don't, but I could.

And it was like, wow, wow. So there you go. That is, and the mirror, I still use the mirror.

The bathroom cabinet, the cabinets in the bathroom also has two mirrors on. They're little ones, but I do look into them. So I've got one, two, four mirrors in the building, in the flat, and I suppose the one I use most, so when I'm in the bathroom, would be the one that's on the door, the big one, because it's it starts around, it starts about willy level, and goes up to just above my head.

Yeah, probably, probably about the top of my head, maybe a little bit higher. So it's, just thinking, it doesn't fill the width of me, because it doesn't, it can't contain my girth, but it's, if I step back, I can see, you know, myself and then as I go in and out of the flat, I check in the mirror for bogeys and, you know, make sure I haven't got food in my beard and stuff like that. You know, whipped cream in my hair, you know, just general stuff.

So that, yeah. So that, my dear old friends, as I move into the living room, you can, once you can hear the difference, I can feel the difference. It's quieter.

So this is, basically that was the tour. We then went into the kitchen and she said, so do you want it? Are you going to take it? I said, what? She said, are you going to take it? I said, do you expect me to choose now? Right this moment? She said, no, I can, you can leave until two o'clock this afternoon if you want, but I need to know by then. And I've got two other people to show the flat to.

One's waiting outside now and they actually, the person phoned her. Just as she said that, there's someone going to be waiting outside and they phoned and she, she said, wait a minute. You have to wait.

I'm still with the first person who's got first dibs. And that, that was almost like the sales pitch. And I said, yeah, okay, I'll take it.

Partly because I didn't think it was fair, someone else looking at it and getting their hopes up and then not getting it because I chose to take it. It just seemed, because I wouldn't, I've had that happen to me in the past with rooms. I just looked at a room, thought I had somewhere to live and then someone else looked at it and they gave it to them.

And I said, yeah, I'll take it. And the lady phoned up the person downstairs saying, no, go away. Well, she didn't say that, she said, sorry, he's taking it.

And I had to sign paperwork, got told to go and collect the keys on whatever day, in a couple of days time, and I had to fill in some more paperwork there. And she said, well, congratulations, you've got a flat for life now, got a home for life. And I was like, I was excited, but it was in the middle of nowhere.

I mean, literally, there's nothing here. There's, there's a garage, which is like 15 minute walk. And then the closest shops are about 25 minute walk away, going down a busy motor, like really, really busy roads.

It's like, oh, it's a bit, it's not, but the flat itself is lovely. Plus I'm here. So, and when I went downstairs, I said, okay, thank you.

I took the paperwork with me. And I saw that, I think it was a lady who was downstairs waiting to, she was still there. I think she wanted to see the council lady.

And I said, I'm so sorry, I've taken it. And she said, yeah, I know the lady's already told me. I said, I'm really sorry.

And, you know, just, I feel bad, Ed. I was like, but I think in a sense, it would have been better than her having looked around and, you know, started imagining what it would be like to live here and everything, and then be told that I'd taken it. So I almost took it because of the lady waiting outside.

I mean, I'm sure I would have taken it anyway. The ironic thing is just before this flat came up, a couple of weeks before I was told I had another flat and it was in the same town as my dad and my family. And they said I was at the top of the list.

I just had to go and see it. And I was waiting to hear about it. And they said, there's been some problems with it.

I said, okay. And then I thought I'd lost it. And then this one came along.

I took it. Two weeks later, after I've moved in here, maybe a week even, I got a phone call saying, so you want to come and have a look at this flat in, let's say the news of the town there. You want to come and have a look at this town in this flat, this town in this flat that was near my dad.

And I said, I thought it had gone. They said, no, no, it was just, it needed building work done. You know, some renovations or something.

And I said, what do you mean? He said, well, I don't think the doors were wide enough for your belly. I said, what? He said, yeah, yeah. We've heard about you.

I said, that's just rude. He said, well, I don't know. You've got nothing you can do.

You don't know who I am, do you? I said, well, yeah, you're the person from the housing. She said, what's my name though? I said, I don't know. She said, there, see.

I said, well, aren't the calls recorded? She said, no, no, I'm making this call from my mobile phone and I'm sitting on the toilet. You can't trace it. And I've done an anonymous call as well, so you can't.

We've held my number. I said, that's a lot of energy you put into that. She said, you think that's a lot of energy you just see inside the toilet.

I said, no, that's just, and she said, okay, so you don't want it. I said, well, I do want it, but what do I do? Can I swap? And she said, nope. So I ended up here because I'd already signed the agreement and everything.

And the flat that I wanted, where it was because I wanted to be closer to my family, but with my brother and sister, nieces, and where there's four now, what was it? Three nieces and one nephew. And, but yeah, so that's the story of me getting this flat with some visuals, well, some verbal visuals of the whole interaction of me. Well, some of it obviously was made up.

It wasn't the same door following me, they did have a different door in each doorway and we didn't hold hands. But, you know, the whole, that was kind of the tour that I had. I mean, I was a little bit worried when she said, I want to take you on a tour.

And I thought, oh my God, Scott, I've been reading the newspapers. I live in a military town. I don't want to go on tour.

I'm not trained. She said, no, I just want to show you the flat. I just want to show you the rooms.

I said, oh, thank goodness for that. And that was it. That was the whole thing.

So I'm going to leave you and I'm going to go and I'll speak to you again tomorrow. Thank you for listening. And remember to be kind to yourself because you deserve to be happy.

Lots of love. Bye.