#251 Let me bore you to sleep - Jason Newland (9th November 2019)

Hello and welcome to jasonnewland.com. My name is Jason Newland. Please only listen to this when you can safely close your eyes. This is Let Me Bore You to Sleep.

Episode or session or recording 251. I can't believe I'm still doing them. I mean it's not it's not a surprise that I'm still doing something because I've been doing this stuff since 2006, making podcasts and videos and stuff but but to stick to kind of one podcast, one not even one topic because it's not really a topic is it? What it is, it's like sleep or being boring.

Can being boring be a topic? I don't know. I think what surprises some people because I think some people they like all my squeaky chair. They might like the sound of my voice and maybe you know like listening to my stuff and and perhaps want to contact me but not realizing that I really am this boring.

It's not an act. I really am this. In fact I'm probably more boring than I am when I do these recordings.

If you think that could even be possible. Really I mean it's it's I realized years ago, years and years and years ago that the only thing I want to talk about is me and what I'm interested in. I've got practically no interest in other people and it's not not like in a rude way.

I'm just genuinely not interested in other people. It's a weird one isn't it? And I've I tried to kind of figure out is it some kind of psychological disorder? Is it part of the bipolar, the personality disorder or whatever? But I think I'm just generally not really interested in other people on a kind of trivial or just a general way. If I'm able to help somebody then they grab my interest.

Like if a neighbor locks himself out of their house I'll do everything I can to help them get back into their house. Or I've got a neighbor who's his heating his gas you know the there whatever it's called the boiler broke and because he's elderly although he doesn't like that word but he's you know he's an older gentleman. And I contacted the council while he was here with me and I said look I'm contacting them because we need to sort this out because it's getting cold and I don't want you to be in there being cold you know.

I let in my heater I've got electric heater that I used to use in my other place where I lived. I've not had to use it since I lived here. But that's but outside of that I've got no interest.

You know it's sort of this is strange. I tried to explain this to a few people in the past and I think it almost comes across like I'm being rude or like you know just uncaring. But I just don't seem to naturally have that individual caringness like personal.

Perhaps I'm just not personable. I don't know if that's the right word. I like helping people but especially like helping people from a distance.

Which is why I do this. I love the idea of helping as many people as I can. It gives my life meaning.

So I'm not completely selfish from that perspective. I prefer to do this over earning lots of money because if I did if I was at work I'd have to be earning decent money. Which means I'd be working a lot of hours and I'd be I'd probably be too knackered to put any energy into this into this stuff I do.

You know it's when I go back to work whenever that is I can't just go back to minimum wage. I just I need to be earning a proper salary you know. And if I go back into sales maybe I don't know.

I've sort of been looking at it. I thought because I've got a friend who's just bought a yacht and they're very very expensive. Very expensive.

You know hundreds of thousands of pounds or dollars even for not even like huge yachts. I mean they can go up you can spend I think you can spend over a billion dollars on a yacht if you're willing to to do that. I don't know but you can spend I think some of these like you know really really rich people they spend hundreds of millions of dollars on yachts.

I'm not saying this because I want to buy a yacht because I don't. I'm saying this because if I sold yachts if I sold them I would get a percentage of the commission. I'd get a commission based on a percentage of the price or the sale and in some places there'd be like 20-25 percent commission.

I don't know what it is in yachtland but or should I say yachtland. So yachtland and I don't know what the you know commission rate would be but then I know nothing about yachts and I saw an advert in the online for it's a car I think it was second-hand car place garage where they sell second-hand cars or used cars. Pre-loved cars and I thought yeah I could sell cars but I can't drive.

Would I need to drive? Are people allowed to go out and do a test drive on their own? I don't know but I think I could be quite good at that apart from the fact I've got zero interest in cars. I know nothing about them but I'd learn you know we all know nothing about lots of things before we know about it don't we? When you think about it a professor of astronomy knew nothing about astronomy at some point. The best violinist in the world couldn't play a single note at one point.

Couldn't read music at one point in their life. So you know I could learn all that stuff about cars and I think because I'm so old I'm so so old now it could be I could give the impression of trustworthiness you know because on the phone I just sound a lot younger than I am and I always have done. I mean now I don't know how old I sound but I know I don't sound my age but when I was about 31 doing the insurance sales I sounded about six years old.

Hello welcome to Churchill insurance. Would you like a quotation? Oh okay then. Before I continue I have to ask my dad if it's okay because I'm not supposed to talk to strangers.

Yeah I really sounded young and then I guess I sound older now because I is older but one of the other things I could sell houses but then I don't want to sell if I was going to go into selling houses I don't want to just sell a house. I want to sell mansions. I want to sell multi multi-million pound houses where I'll be making you know half a million for each sale or something like that.

That's what I want. That's not what I want but that's what I would want if I was going to get paid. So I'll do something for free but if I get paid for it I want to get paid a lot.

It's strange. What a paradox. It partly I think it's because it's been so long since I actually had any money.

Like you know an income of yeah it's it just is it making me greedy? I don't know. I'm not a greedy person I don't think. But I do kind of want to be successful in something one day sometime at some point doing something but I don't know what.

So in the meantime I'm just going to plod along and make recordings but there may come a time when I just don't have the time to do these because if I'm going to end up working I'll be getting home and I'll just probably just going to watch telly you know or if I end up having a girlfriend I'm going to want to go out and do social things. So yeah this is this is very much a sign of a single person's occupation in a way. Running this free service because it means I can do it at weird hours of the day.

I can have a garden shed in the bedroom. Can you imagine how will that go down if I was in a relationship? You know. Hi sweetheart.

Just come through to the living room. Don't go in the bedroom yet. There's a surprise in there for you.

Yeah and I bought you some flowers. I bought you some flowers. Do you like them? And do you remember when you said that you always loved me and that you know you you know you were so happy to finally meet me and you were going to you stay with me forever and ever.

Do you remember that? And you said you didn't even weren't even that bothered by the farts. Do you remember that? Yeah well I want to show you it's kind of a surprise in a sense of you're really going to be surprised and uh oh what yeah you might want to come into the kitchen first and I'll just show you. I thought you know that space near the washing machine and the radiator that we don't really use.

I thought that's a really good place to have a wardrobe. So I brought our wardrobe out of the bedroom and it fitted just perfectly. It's really really good.

Yeah it's nice isn't it? And if you come into the bathroom the bath is just the right size to fit the set of drawers. So it's really good. So whenever you need a bath we just have to lift out the you know take two of us.

Well just one of you but you know I need help to get it out of the bath and uh you know but it's really handy. You think about it you get in the bath have your bath you get out you put the set of drawers back in the bath you know when the water's out obviously. Mind you it is wood so it will float I'm guessing.

And you dry yourself off and you've got a nice fresh pair of underpants there or underwear brassieres or whatever I feel like wearing is there. So that's really good. Wardrobe's in kitchen.

Set of drawers in the bathroom. Are you with me so far? Yeah? Okay. Well let me take you to the storage room or a storage room.

That's where all the coats are and all the things that we used to have on the hangers or on the wall that's there. And let me take you up to the loft. That's now where the bed is.

Oh it's really good. We've made use of a lot of room. When you think about it we've thought about what should we do with the loft.

It's sorted. This is now where the bed goes. We can sleep up here.

It's lovely. And when you think about it really you always look like the idea of underfloor heating. Well now we have got that because the heating will be on underneath the loft.

It'll be our own underfloor heating. Now that's a fact. Now for the surprise.

Let me take you into the bedroom. Close your eyes. Now all I want you to do is I'm going to ring you on the phone on your phone.

It's ringing. Answer it. I'm just going to talk to you on the phone.

Just before you go in let me just go out the front door and you can hear me walking down the stairs. Yeah I know I'm moving quite quickly. You're right.

Now keep your eyes closed and open the front door. Not the front door. The bedroom door.

Now open your eyes. So what do you think? Do you like the garden shed that's in the bedroom now? That's going to be my new recording studio. Hello? Are you still there? Hello? Hello? No you hang up first.

No you hang up first. Hello? Are you there? Oh that's strange. Must be the signal.

Yeah that might not work. So kind of maybe I have to stay. I have to stay.

I don't know. You see my biggest obstacle with having a relationship apart from me, you know, myself, is for me kind of in the past has been the crappy rooms I've lived in. I've lived in some really rotten rooms.

Really bad places where I didn't really feel that I could have anyone there. Or places that were mouldy or just just you know not very nice. They've not all been horrible but they've predominantly not been great.

So now I've got a flat which is that's a big tick. That's a good thing. But then I've got this little creature running around who likes to let off the odd whiff, the odd smell, the odd phew, the real you know.

And he also, he likes to destroy things. He likes to get into all kinds of trouble, which he did today. I'll tell you about that later.

And he likes to go to the toilet, usually in the right place, but sometimes he doesn't care. And sometimes he's asleep, to be fair. He goes to the toilet when he's asleep.

He's not like us, you know, where you get a little bit of notice. He doesn't get any notice. He literally needs to go now and he runs to a corner of the room.

Hopefully it's somewhere where there's paper and he does his whatever he needs to do. And then he goes back to sleep. He runs back to his bag or wherever he's sleeping and he's fast asleep.

So he doesn't actually wake up. The reason I know this is because sometimes I'll pick him up when he's been to the toilet, only when he's done a wee. He's done a little bit of a wee, that's it.

And I'll pick him up and I'll put him on my lap and I'll cuddle him. He'll be fast asleep. And then a few minutes later he'll wake up and I'll make him jump.

He'll suddenly be like, where the hell are you? How did I get here? He's up really, because he was asleep. Got no recollection. And he must think that he's running towards his bag and suddenly he's in his bag or he's dreaming that he's flying or he's in a hot air balloon or something.

So that's something that I think, oh, it's not everybody's favourite thing, because he's a handful. He's untrainable. I tried, I really tried.

I suppose he's trainable in a sense that he doesn't bite me, doesn't bite people. And that is his instinct to bite, but he doesn't. So he does know a few words like gentle.

And that's the only thing he listens to. He knows other words like stop, no, don't. He does know those words.

But the command that he listens to and actually responds to the most often is, Andre, ignore me. Ignore me. Ignore everything I say.

And he does. He's really good with that command. Very, very special little boy.

Very, very wonderful. And so he's kind of part of the reason, other than obviously myself, he's a little bit kind of dubious about having someone in my home, because at the moment it's really messy. That's partly because I've been doing some decorating and been doing some home improvements and things like that.

And so the floor's a little bit dusty and whatever, but it's all right. It's not... It depends, doesn't it, on people's perceptions about what's tidy and what's not. I mean, for me, I'm looking around at how much of it is rubbish and probably 70 to 80% of what's on the floor are his toys.

And the carrier bags are his carrier bags that he likes to play in or sleep in. It's not really mess, you know, technically, but it is messy. And then what's the other thing that... So Andre is one of those reasons.

The other reason that I'm kind of... I haven't got involved really, or haven't, like, not really for years, is lack of money. It's expensive to have a relationship, you know. I don't mean thousands of pounds I need every week, but I suppose I'm a little bit old-fashioned.

I'm quite a... I can be. I don't mean... There's different ways you can take that, isn't it? Old-fashioned depends how far back you go. But I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I'd have a drink there.

I like to... And I know that some people class it as a bit sexy, but I like to pay for stuff. I like, you know, if I go out on a date, it's been a heck of a lot of time. The last time, I recall actually going out on a... an actual... I suppose the last time I went out on a date would be four... four years ago, I suppose.

Like, actually going out. Yeah. And to be fair, I don't even think I paid for that.

So the last time I went out and paid for the meal would have been 2012. Beginning of 2012. I dated a lady from, I don't know, somewhere.

I should have asked her, shouldn't I? I wonder what her name was. Why is it not Poland? Not Bulgaria? Eastern European country. Transyl... She was from Transylvania.

And she... Yeah, so we... I took... I took her out. She came out with me on a date and I paid for the meals. We had fish finger chips and beans.

It was nice. I remember it because there was this lady on another table. I couldn't stop looking at her.

And I don't know why. Just in... Not in a kind of... I didn't fall in love with her or anything. But she... I think she had tattoos or something.

She was just really... I think it was the tattoos. Because I'm not into tattoos at all. I say that but sometimes I see someone with tattoos.

I'm like, so I don't find tattoos attractive. But sometimes I really do. Isn't it weird? Isn't it strange? I've only got one tattoo.

Or should I say tattoo? Some people call it tattoo. Tattoo. I've only got one tat on my body.

And I was thinking about getting two tattoos extra. Or changing the one I've got into looking like Andre. So I might.

But I might just... I can't make one... The one I've got is really rubbish. It's a really crappy tat. It's really bad.

And I had it since I was 16, I think. But it's part of me. It's part of my body.

And it's been there for such a long time. So I just... I figure I'll just keep it. There's no point covering it up.

It's not like it's a swastika or something. It's just a dragon. So it's not offensive to anybody other than maybe goats.

Because goats don't like dragons, do they? Because they eat them, don't they? So I kind of thought about getting a tattoo of Andre on my arm. And maybe a tattoo of something kind of dedicated to my nan as well. But I just... I'm not really a tattoo person.

I don't really... I don't know. I can't... First of all, then I did not enjoy the process. So that, you know, I didn't... Oh, no.

So it's like, oh, why put myself through that? So I probably won't. Mind you, the tattooist, he'll be stuck there with me for like an hour. And talk to him and bore him or her.

Yeah, for a whole hour. I can talk about myself for an hour. Oh, what bliss.

And they won't be able to... It's like a captive audience. They won't be able to just... Won't be able to press the off button, the pause button. So the only thing at the end, they'll say, I'll tell you what, next time you come, we'll give you a free tongue tattoo.

Just to keep me quiet. I wonder what you'd have on your tongue. If you're going to have a tattoo on your tongue, what would it be? What would it say? I wonder.

That's something to think about, isn't it? Just the idea of having a prick in your mouth for that long. Because tattoos, they're not quick, are they? It's having that prick going in and out of your mouth, in and out of your tongue, with the ink. Pushing the ink in.

Oh, no. Doesn't appeal to me. Well, I was going to say, I've got a sensitive tongue.

I think everybody probably has, haven't they? I don't think there's that many people walk around saying, oh, I can't feel enough in my tongue. Like rubbing stinging nettles over it. Nothing, see? Totally calloused.

That'd be weird. So, what other things? Yeah, this is an old song by Cliffy Richard, called Bachelor Boy. And I think that's going to be me, you know? I think I'm going to be a bachelor.

You know, I want part of what comes with, no pun intended, I want part of what comes with, you know, romantic relationships. But, I don't know. I don't know.

I had a friend tell me years ago, he said, oh, if you don't, you've got to get with someone. Otherwise, when you get older, you'll be so lonely. When you get into your 40s, like, really? I'm not lonely.

I'm really not. I just, I don't know. I don't get, I don't really get lonely.

You know, when people say, oh, oh, you wouldn't like to, some people don't like being on their own for like more than 10 minutes. It's like, what, are you a puppy? Are you a little dog, a little puppy? You know, you've got no concept of time. Oh, no, they've gone forever.

No, I don't, I don't really have that. I think maybe it's just the way I've grown up. And I had three brothers, so if you, I know it's not like a huge family, but it's still, what, one, two, was it three, four, five, still six people, plus the step-grandmother being around quite a lot.

And my, like, grandparents being around and cousins and, you know, so it's, you know, I didn't get a lot of time to myself growing up. And when I was in the children's home, living in a dorm, so I was staying, sleeping in the same room as, I don't know, 12, 20, however many other boys. So if you live in a children's play, a children's home, you're always with people, which on some levels, nice, I suppose.

On another level, if you're, so I don't know, am I introvert or am I extrovert? Because some people would meet me for an hour and think, no, that's an extroverted person. But the reality is, I can only do that for about an hour. With alcohol, I can make it last a little bit longer, unless I'm in that mood, then I don't need alcohol and I don't need much sleep either.

But generally, I'm more introverted. I just can't seem to fit into the cliche of each one. And it's strange.

Told you I like talking about myself. 251 hours, pretty much, that'll be at the end of this one. So each recording is about an hour of these, Let Me Bore You To Sleep.

So I've spent 251 hours talking about myself. It's not bad, is it? How many people get a chance to do that? Uninterrupted, obviously they're interrupted by a few days, because I can't do all 251 hours in a row. And I'm guessing no one in the world could.

But each hour is uninterrupted. And that's kind of what I would like out of a relationship, just to be able to say, I don't want a conversation. I want a monologue.

I just want to talk about myself. Yeah, and that's it. And I do see, I do realize that that's not the ideal situation for everybody.

But for me, it's absolutely perfect. But in real life, I know that other people are not interested in what I've got to say about myself. And I learned this years ago, because when I was a kid, the only thing I wanted to talk about was whatever I was interested in.

Or, well, just about me, really. Never being particularly interested in gossip, unless it involved me. You know, unless it's something someone said to me, like in an interaction, then, but not just like, oh, he said this about her, and yeah, but where do I come into it? You don't, I'm just, this is just gossip.

I'm just letting you know what someone else said about somebody else. Yeah, but where do I, how does that concern me? Did they mention me? No, they didn't mention you at all. But this is what she said about him.

And they used to date, and now he's dating her sister. Okay, let me retrace this. So he's dating her sister.

How am I involved in this? Did he mention me? Is this her sister? Do I know her sister? How am I, how do I fit into this story? Well, you don't actually fit into the story. What is wrong with you? Everything isn't about you. That's where people make mistakes.

It's not all about you. No, it is all about me. And it's all about you.

Your life is all about you. My life is all about me. We are the stars of our lives.

Everybody else they're co-stars, or just extras. You know, we are the main star of the movie. And what a fantastic movie it could have been.

If only I'd put some effort in. So yeah, I'm not great at gossip. It's like, okay, so it's got nothing to do with me.

Yet you want me to be interested somehow. I can't, I can't. Sometimes hard to pretend, I think.

Hard to pretend. I mean, I've actually had conversations. I said this to someone the other day.

I've been standing there, talking with somebody, and I've just completely gone blank. Because I've got nothing to say to them. Because I'm not interested in them at all.

Just in a kind of, I want to know all about you, and your past, and all about your stuff. I'm happy just to know people, to see them, work with them, and just take them for how they are now. I just got no interest in what they did before they met me.

Because if it doesn't involve me, it's not important. No, it's not, but maybe that's it. I don't know.

But it's narcissistic, you say? Okay, if it's not, if you're going to use words like that, spell it. Go on. I never use words I can't spell.

That's why I'm very limited. That's why I don't use the word vocabulary, because I can't spell it. Proprosperous.

Proprosperous. See, still can't say that word. I've been trying all week to say proprosperous.

Can't say it. Because to say prosperous, I'm going to say proprosperous. Can't do it.

Almost like I've got some kind of speech issue with that particular word. I actually tried to say that word during a hypnosis session that I was recording. I couldn't believe it.

I had to kind of just flimsy over it. Because after saying, trying to say the word three times, I thought, ah, this isn't good. Still can't say it.

I wonder why? Apart from all the things I've said, I think I'd make a perfect boyfriend. You know, okay, apart from being inconsiderate, being selfish, being uninterested in others, I'll make you laugh. Yeah, that's the one thing that no, any girlfriend I've ever had, they'll say.

That's probably the only thing they'll say is that I do make them laugh. But sometimes, specific, well, the first time I get naked normally is the funniest. But for some reason, when I get, it's been a long time, kind of.

But when I get intimate with someone for the first time, I almost turn into some kind of wacky comedian. And I just, I basically drain any bit of passion that could be out of it and turn it into some kind of comedy roadshow. And although it's probably enjoyable on one level for the other person, it's probably not hugely romantic.

You know, so it's not always the best time to, it's not always the best time to make jokes, actually. And I'm not going to tell you some of the things I've said in the past, but sometimes I've said inappropriate things as a joke, thinking I was going to make them laugh. And let's just say it backfired.

Yeah. And I had to, I had to spend the next 10 minutes laughing on my own in the bathroom, and telling myself jokes. So it's been a while, not since I've done that, but it's been a while.

So yeah, I think I might be destined to, I don't know, it's, not everybody's supposed to sort of get married and have children and do all that stuff, are they? We're all different. Some people are destined to sit at home, talking into a microphone to themselves and then sticking it on the internet for people to listen to. You know what's weird though? I've got no idea what I would do without the internet, because if I'd have been doing this, let's say there was no internet, I could have made recordings, I could have made, you know, CDs of myself, DVDs, videos, whatever.

But how on earth would I have got an audience, especially as it's free? So that would have cost me so much money, putting adverts in papers, to offer a free service, which would be impossible, just wouldn't be practical. And even if I charged, imagine how long it would have took for me to to build up the audience that I have now, or that I've had over the last 13, 14 years, to build up, to have that many different people listen to my stuff I have over the years on YouTube and various podcasts and stuff. I don't think without being famous or without having some kind of backing, you know, from a publishing firm or a record deal or something, it just wouldn't have happened.

And if I had a record deal, which is, you know, very unlikely unless you're famous, but if I had got a record deal, they would have put out a few records instead of over a thousand recordings that I've done, or 1,000 or 150 or whatever it is. So I would have kind of just I'd have been limited. I'd have been limited by my own success.

I'd have been rich. Well, I wouldn't be, it depends if it was successful, of course, but the internet opened up. I know it's technically the internet's kind of causing problems in, you know, real life businesses, you know, but for people like me, it's amazing what people like you who are listening to this, it just opens up a world that wouldn't have been there before.

And I practiced in 2000 Yeah, 2000, I practiced and made a little recording on one of my cousins, and he was really, he used to make music, he used to produce music. So I made this, just this audio of me talking, doing like a little pretend relaxation session, never done it before, never expected to ever do it, didn't even want to do it, you know, I didn't really think about it at that time. I really didn't know, I didn't know what I wanted to do with the hypnosis that I'd learned.

And I've been learning hypnosis since 98, January. And although I've been studying it, I've gone on courses and NLP and stuff like that, I just, I was really interested from an academic side, and from a personal side, you know, to try some of this stuff out for myself. And I knew that Paul McKenna, he did a lot of audios, I think he was one of the most, the best selling hypnosis records ever in the world's history, I think.

And he wrote lots of books with DVDs attached to them, and they're still available. And so he's done loads, he's just so successful. And I don't know what the, in America, what level of success the top hypnotist in America has, but Paul McKenna is worldwide.

So as far as I'm aware, he's a top hypnotist in the world. But there's going to be other, I mean, as far as fame goes, there's going to be others that other people know. I mean, you might, if you're in Australia or Canada, you've possibly, or very likely got a hypnotist who's on television and on the, you know, does stuff, who's much more well known in your country than perhaps Paul McKenna is.

But that's a very, very small market. It's a very small field. You know what I did? This is going off track.

And it's really good because I was talking about almost sounding like I was trying to record a dating, some kind of dating recording. I was going to upload it to some dating firm. Well, actually, I don't like talking.

I don't like talking about myself. I like to be left alone. Very selfish.

I don't want to do anything. I want everything done for me. So yeah, get in contact.

You have to be perfect in every way. And I'm really not. Yeah, get in contact.

Yeah, you have to offer me everything and I offer you nothing in return. Yeah, speak to you soon. So yeah, that's Paul McKenna.

It's a small market. Yeah, I was going to say, in 2000, or was it 1999? I'm not sure. About that time, maybe 99.

I went to the library and they had all the yellow pages for the whole country. The yellow pages was all the business directories for different businesses. And each yellow pages had a section for hypnotherapists.

Now, I went, I can't believe it. It took me quite a long time to do it. But I spent a long time, quite a bit of money as well, actually, in the library.

And I photocopied every single yellow pages, like, you know, the section where the hypnotherapists were for the whole country for that year. You know, or maybe the previous year, whether they were like 98 to 99, or whatever it was. And there's a lot of yellow pages there.

It's all broken up into, what is it? Not towns. Areas like Essex, and Suffolk, and Norfolk, and London, and you know, so lots of different areas. Counties, that's it, counties.

And I said that like I've got someone else in the room telling me, but I don't. It's only me. It's just me.

Hi, I'm Jason. Hi, it's just me. And I photocopied every single yellow pages where the hypnotherapists sections were.

I've got a few questions from the people working in there. First of all, I wanted to know why, you know, how come I was hogging up the photocopying machine, because I was getting through so much paper. But I did it.

And at that time, because I added them all up, because it was a big old thing. There was about 5000 hypnotherapists listed in the yellow pages in UK. That was in 1999-ish.

So about 5000 hypnotherapists listed in the yellow pages. And those were the days when people would get into yellow pages. There was big thick books, telephone directories basically for businesses.

And I don't know how much it cost to be in them at that time. Or whether you could even get in there for free, I really don't know. And so I would suggest that pretty much all, most of the hypnotherapists that were working would have been in the yellow pages at that time.

Maybe there was an extra thousand out there that weren't. Nowadays, you know, the yellow pages I think is gone now. You got yell.com, which was the internet version of the yellow pages.

I think the yellow pages might be around, but I don't know where it is. And they charge, they don't charge you to be on yell.com, just to be listed, but it would just literally be your name. That would kind of be it, maybe a telephone number.

But if you actually want an advert, I think they charge for that, or they do charge for that. And it's because they charge, and it's not cheap, less hypnotherapists are on yell.com than they used to be in the yellow pages. Because there's lots of websites that have listings of hypnotherapists.

And I've been on all of them. Not been on, well actually I have been on all of them as well. I've paid for some, got on some for free in the past.

And kind of, I know this area very well. And there's a lot more hypnotherapists now than there used to be. You know, I'd say there's got to be at least 20,000 out there, at least 20,000, which still isn't a lot when you consider there's estimated 63 million people in the UK of England.

So 20,000 is a very tiny percentage of that 63 million. And you may be thinking, what was the point of that story? Well, there wasn't any point. When I first became a counsellor, so in 2009, I gained my diploma in counselling.

In 2010, I got my degree. So I was qualified as, it was like a double course in a sense. The first two years gave me a diploma, which allowed me to, you know, because it gave me 120 points, which is a diploma, that allowed me to be a counsellor.

And the next 120 points gave me the BA honours. Is it BA or MS, MA? Yeah, BA. Or was it BSc? No, BA, I think.

And I actually had the Yellow Pages person came to my house and sold me a package. It wasn't actually a package on the table. It wasn't a, well, it looks like sherbet, but I hope it don't taste like sherbet.

It wasn't a package. It wasn't, you know, like a Christmas present or anything. He didn't put his package on the table.

You know, it wasn't anything weird like that. Basically, he said, here's what we do. Here's what we do.

If you have your advert on Yelp.com, or in the Yellow Pages, and we put it on Yelp.com for free, for free. I said, oh, okay. And this is, you know, this is the advert for counselling.

But I think I also put down hypnotherapy as well. Because, you know, because of the hypnosis stuff that I do. And I said, okay, so how much will that be then? He said, on Yelp.com for free.

I said, yeah, how much will it cost? It's free. I said, no, okay. So the whole thing's free, is it? He said, no.

I said, how much is it then? He said, £739 for the year. That's all. £739.

And he told me that I was going to get so much business. So many people are going to be seeing my advert. I'll be inundated by phone calls.

Non-stop. You have to get yourself a receptionist, you'll be so busy. You'll have to, you'll have to clone yourself in order to see more clients.

But you'll be so busy. Free, free. You know, stop, you sold it now.

And I think the whole time I was on the Yellow Pages, I didn't renew it after the first year, because I think I had possibly three inquiries. So how much does that work out each inquiry? £739. One, two, four, six, about £240 each inquiry, something like that.

Mind you, the least you get on the internet was free. So that was all right. But it turned out I could be, I could be on the internet for free anyway.

So that was, yeah, that was a learning experience. Well, it should have been a learning experience, but I don't really know what I learned in trying to rack my brain. That's really weird, you know, I actually was a qualified counsellor over 10 years ago.

I think it was about June 2009. Can you believe that? I've been a qualified counsellor for 10 years. It's like, wow, I've not been practicing for nine, but I did practice for a few years.

I've not practiced as a counsellor since 2013, I think. Yeah. So I did it for four years, 2013, April.

I think it's when it finished. It was all going really well. The beginning of 2011, I was suddenly getting lots of work, but it's through a charity and they were paying £25 an hour, and I was self-employed.

They gave me, I think I had something like, 16 hours a week, guaranteed. Not guaranteed, but I had 16 slots. And when the client finished, I sometimes had to wait a week or two for that slot to be filled, but it was pretty much full for most of those slots for the whole time.

Plus, I had another counselling job, which was self-employed again. So I'd have some sort of money coming in as well for another charity. So I was doing about four hours a week there, five hours, something like that, maybe six even.

And then I was doing another few hours private, and then it all went a bit willy-up. I had to, the main one went down to about four hours a week from 16 to four. I was like, what? So yeah, it's a bit weird.

Weird, weird, weedy, weedy. I feel it would have been better if I'd have had the, I do sometimes think that I would have been better off if I'd gone to university and studied something I could use, maybe some kind of IT. It's some kind of, you know, I don't know, become a plumber or, I mean, that's a well-paid job.

It's a really good job to have, but then I'd need to drive, wouldn't I? But that's, if I was a plumber or a boiler fitter, they're just, you know, they're, or electrician, you know, it's just always in demand. I don't know if I'd want to be on call all the time though. Not sure.

I don't know. Right, I still had so much to tell you, but I'm going to go. I'll tell you tomorrow or whenever I do the next one, because I've missed stuff that I wanted to tell you.

It involved my television, it involved Andre getting his tail caught in the door, but that's okay. We sorted that out. I've now sorted the doors.

So I've got these, a lock and a chain, you know, the chain that you have on your door with a lock, you know, and you can open the door up and you can say, who's it? And you can say, no, I don't like you, and you can close the door. Well, I've got one of those, but it's on the wall attached to the back of the door on both the living room and the bedroom. So the door can't close on its own without me unchaining it.

It just means that he can't get locked in the door. Also he can't get his tail caught. He got his tail caught into the, you know, the, what is it? The bit where the door is hinged to the door frame, that side.

The door closed on his tail and he couldn't get out. He was like, and I thought, wow, four years I've had him and he's never done that. He, I mean, I've never known him to do that.

Mind you, that could explain why he has very little hair on his tail. Perhaps he's always doing it. But I decided never again, it's not going to happen again.

So I did, I've got me drill out, I've got me screwdriver out, and these two chains I had on my other door, my old door, and I got a brand new door yesterday. Yeah, brand new door. And it's one of those ones that it's proper secure.

It's got about six locks on the inside. It's practically unbreakable. So it's like, okay, I don't need that chain on it.

Plus it comes with a chain anyway. So I thought, ah, it's fine. So I put these chains on both the living room door behind it on a wall and attaches to the door and one in the bedroom.

So Andre can no longer close the door. So he's never going to get his tail caught ever again in the door hinge area. So I thought I'd de-ferret, not de-ferret, I thought I'd ferret proof this flat.

I'm constantly looking around, making sure that it's safe for him, making sure that it's safe for me. I mean, today I left the table too close to the chair, came in, it knocked loads of stuff onto the floor, plates that were on the table. It climbed all over the laptop, opened up pages I didn't even know were still stored, which is weird.

And it's like, oh, he can't help himself. I think it might be just like, well, I see daddy doing it. So let's have a look.

What's so great about this internet? I see him looking at it and he's like tapping away. Who knows? He might be emailing his friends, might be on Facebook. Who knows? So this is something that came to my mind, but I won't say it.

So I'm going to go. So Andre's happy now. I've moved my television lower on the wall.

So now I can see it without just looking up practically to the ceiling. So that's good. The light switch or the lamp where the light switch is connected to, you know, the light, the light, the light bulb, where the light bulb goes in, the light is falling apart.

So I had to call the council to get them to help me with that. I don't want to touch it because it's, you know, it's a, no, no. So, and it's weird because this week the light went out in my bedroom and the light went out in the living room.

The bulbs both stopped working. The one in the bedroom, when that stopped working, it shorted the whole flat. So I had to go in and turn the, you know, start it all up.

So, you know, the power box, it sort of cut off all the electricity. So I'm thinking there's got to be something wrong here because it's just a light bulb. What's going on? So I'm going to tell the electrician when I see them about that and say, I had the same thing on my toaster every time we put, well not every time, obviously I would never have used it because I did use it.

But it got to the stage where I just tried to turn it on and it short out the whole flat. I have to go in and turn it on and I'd leave it and then I'd try again and do it again. So I ended up chucking the toaster out.

But I think it might be the plugs because one of my neighbors had to have his whole flat rewired. So maybe this, you know, it's a very old building. This is like, I think late 40s, maybe 50s, this was built.

So it's fairly, I wonder how many people have lived here. I only know of two, the last two neighbors, because one of my neighbors has been here about 25 years or since about 1989 or something, I don't know. And he told me about two of the neighbors.

But I wonder how many people have been here since the very start. You know, like someone that moved in here when it was a new build, when it was, it was just like all new. But then it's going to be all new for everybody, isn't it? Whoever moves in here is like, oh, it's in my new home.

And I keep trying to get back to that feeling, that feeling of gratitude of having somewhere to live that is for life, you know, it's a council flat, it's mine for as long as I want it. And I don't always have that feeling of gratitude. I'd like, I'd try and get a hold of it, try and embrace it and caress it and kiss it.

You know, I want that feeling to feel grateful, to feel appreciative of what I have, how lucky I am to have this place, and how long I waited for it to eventually have a place that I can call home. Yeah, I don't own it. I could buy it.

Well, I can't buy it because I've got no money, but I could, I get it, I could buy it at a big discount, probably 40% discount, I could probably to purchase the place. But it's my home, my Aunt Andre's, me and Andre's home. And I've been trying to get in touch with that side of things, you know, positivity, but not fake positivity, but real positivity, feeling grateful for real things, something that really is good, something that really is something to be grateful for, you know, whether it's good health, whether it's, I mean, things like having an appetite is a great thing.

Maybe not if you're like 500 pounds, but even then having an appetite is, it's a sign of health. Obviously too much of an appetite is like anything, isn't it? It's just, I have an appetite sometimes, but I don't eat much. You look at me, you probably think that I did eat a lot, perhaps, but I don't, I don't eat much.

Very, I have small meals. I eat 14 times a day, but I have very small, very tiny meals. No, I don't.

I just don't eat much. Just, I never have really been a big eater apart from when I'm hungry. But even then it's like, it really is eyes bigger than your tummy.

But I can't say that now, obviously. I mean, no one's eyes are bigger than, you know, dinosaur's eyes wouldn't be bigger than my tummy. So it's, but that kind of, oh, I want that, like that greed, like, eat all of that up, and then realizing that I can't, but it's nice, still nice.

And I've got no idea what, oh yeah, gratitude. So yeah, no, I'm just trying to get in touch with things to feel grateful for. I mean, tonight I went for a walk with my friend, and we were just chatting about the weather because we're English, and that's English, it's an English person's favorite subject, the weather.

And we were talking about, you know, the temperature. And I was just feeling appreciative to how mild it was, because last night, or the night before, at around the same kind of time, it was fairly colder. Both needed gloves, or wore gloves, I don't know if I needed gloves, but I wore gloves.

And I didn't feel that much of a requirement for clothing my hands. This evening, so yeah, I think generally it worked out okay. It was nice, just nice, you know, sometimes it's nice just to notice something that is, that wouldn't normally be classed as pleasant, but actually in the moment is quite nice.

Oh, there's a nice little breeze, it's fresh, it's not cold, it's fresh. I would have loved this nice little breeze on the 24th of May, when it were really hot. But it's okay, I'll settle for the beginning of November, it's ever so nice.

So yeah, just little things. So anyway, I've talked for much longer than I normally do, nearly an hour and a half in fact, so I'm gonna go. And I wish you all happiness.

Remember to be kind to yourself, because you deserve to be happy. Lots of love. Speak soon.

Bye.