#278 Let me bore you to sleep - Jason Newland (16th December 2019)

Hello and welcome to jasonnewland.com. My name's Jason Newland. This is Let Me Bore You To Sleep with some weird gurgly sounds from my stomach as I speak, which kind of rhymes, doesn't it? Please only listen when you can safely close your eyes. Now, um, I've got an itchy forehead.

I bought these face wipes, which are supposed to be anti-aging to rejuvenate your skin and all that stuff, you know. And last week I had a spot on my nose, that's kind of gone now, and I kind of feel like I've, well, I was getting a spot on my forehead. So I looked at the ingredients on this, uh, these things and it's 90% lard.

So basically they're doing a trick in you. So it's called lard, putting lard into your skin and it's basically causing spots. So you feel, you get that feeling of youth again, feeling of having pimples, pimpled skin.

Um, that was all a lie. That was a lie. So I'm going to lean back.

I'm feeling in quite a good space at the moment, feeling quite good, very relaxed. I've been working on my website. I had a couple of lovely surprises today, a couple of gifts from two friends.

So I'm very, um, very grateful to both of those people. And so it's a lovely early Christmas gifts, which will definitely help me with food and, you know, things like that. So I'm feeling, yeah, I'm feeling uplifted.

I feel, yeah. See, I'm not money motivated as a person. I generally not.

If you, if you, anyone who knows me would tell you that. It's, it's, it's not that I'm, I'm not like anti-money. Although my attitude towards money probably has like psychologically or, you know, when you talk about the universe giving you what you want, I'm kind of not really, um, being very positive towards money, uh, which I think is a mistake, you know, because money is, it opens opportunities to, um, do more to help more people.

And yeah, so I've, I need to sort of get my head around, um, the fact that actually money isn't a bad thing. No, I don't feel like I feel that way, but I don't necessarily feel that it's a good thing. So I need to sort of get my head around that because when I do have a little bit extra, it does make the world of difference to my lifestyle, even if it's just for a week or two and also to my emotional wellbeing.

It does improve it a little bit because the, the worrying about finances and stuff kind of goes away for a little bit. It was quite nice, you know? Um, so, you know, I mean, this morning when I woke up or whenever I woke up, I had a 20 pound left to last me till next, no, probably less than that, probably 10 pound, 20 pound in the bank, but I don't know why it's, it should be less because there's sort of been some money come out, but it's a 20 pound in the bank until next Thursday or this coming Thursday, because it's now Monday. So I was figuring out, well, I should have enough food and I'll try and make that 20 pound.

Well, I had no choice. I have to make it last till the Thursday. And it's, so I promised to take, there's a lady, a girl, a lady, whatever, and sells the big issue.

She's sort of a homeless charity. She's, uh, she stands on the street all day long, all weather, you know, all year selling the big issue, which is to help people that are homeless. And I promised that I was going to buy a Christmas dinner before Christmas.

And the last chance to do that would be this week. And I realized that I wouldn't have enough money to do that because I don't know how much it costs to buy a Christmas dinner, but it's probably going to be at least 10, 12 pound, I suppose. And it's, uh, I'll be able to do that now.

I said, that'd be good. And Oh yeah. I've got a, um, what have I got? I got a competition that I started yesterday.

And I don't know if those of you that have been to my website would know that it's the website has changed from what it was a few weeks ago. So I kind of lost that website and I wasn't able to get it back without paying a lot of money, which I just didn't have and didn't feel it was worth the amount of money I was sort of being asked to pay. So I rebuilt it and it's, it's up and running.

It's just in a different format, but it's still, it's a fairly good website and it's got all of my latest recordings on, on there. All of the recordings from the Let Me Boy To Sleep ones, all of the relaxation, relaxation, hypnosis, stress, um, anxiety and panic attack, uh, all of the deep sleep whisper hypnosis recordings and all of the sleep hypnosis weekly recordings. So all of those are on there.

I will be adding the back catalog of all the other stuff that I've got as well. Eventually I just need to kind of tidy it up as it is now. So I've got the, uh, the structure, if that makes sense.

So what, um, the main thing I really lost with the last website was the testimonials. And I had quite a few people actually write testimonials in the last couple of months and I feel, I feel bad and I feel cheeky really just asking people to do it again. You know, I am going to, but I've done it with an incentive.

And so I've got a competition and the competition has changed since yesterday. It's, uh, like everything, I suppose it grows, it kind of adapts to the circumstances. Now, what I didn't realize that, or I didn't, I didn't give consideration to, um, the possibilities that first of all, not everybody has the ability to make a video.

Cause what, what I was asking for was a video review. So you go in, you go to the website, click on the review page. It's just the page that says review, click on that, fill in a little form, and then just click on the video, um, picture.

And you can either add a video that's already been produced, you've already recorded rather, uh, you don't have to go and get, you know, don't have to hire Steven Spielberg or anything. Just, just a standard 30 second video or something like that. And, or if you're on your phone, you can actually do it there and then actually record it directly onto the system.

So this is costing me $10 a month to have this, to have this system on there. So I might as well start trying to use it, you know, in order to have people, uh, be able to add videos or video reviews and stuff and pictures and, you know, other things like that. So I'm trying to make the website as groovy as possible.

It's going to take a while, but I'm getting to know how to do certain things and everything on there is still free. I've took all the adverts off of all of my podcasts. So there's no, um, there's no revenue coming in to cover the costs of everything, anything.

So I thought, how could, uh, the people, the listeners yourself, uh, or people on YouTube watching, you know, uh, contribute, or sort of help to, uh, spread the word, you know? So what I thought is I'd ask for video testimonials or video reviews. So I did this competition and I made a little video, stuck it on Facebook. It's on YouTube as well.

And that's it really, just asking for you to, uh, make a video review. And what I was going to offer is you'd be put into a, I don't know what to do, a raffle, become like a raffle thing, you know, where you'd be put into a bucket. And although I might try and look for one of those machines that actually does it for you, that spins the balls or something, I dunno, I'll figure out a way.

And the winner will win a, an Amazon Echo Dot. So it's brand new, it's in a box with packaging, untouched. Well, I suppose the people that made it touched it, but you know, and what I'll probably do is, uh, I'll wrap it up in, um, Christmas wrapping paper as well.

So it'd be a present from me to you. Now the, I'm going to send it to anyone in the world, wherever you are, it will be sent to you. So, you know, I'm covering the costs of the packaging, which would probably cost more than the actual item.

If you live in Australia or America, I don't know, but it's, you know, it's a good, I've actually got an Echo Dot myself. It's really good. And, uh, I use it, uh, well, I've actually got, I always say the word Alexa really quietly because if I say it too loudly, she'll start saying, yes, JJ, what do you want? And, um, so it's really good.

It connects to, especially if you've got Amazon stuff like, uh, Amazon music, or if you want to know what the weather is, temperature, if you just want to ask a question, basically it's, it's quite a bit of fun. If you haven't got one, you, all you need is just the internet to connect it to. Uh, it's wireless as well.

It's, it does have a plug. Um, so you'd have to perhaps get a plug adapter or something. Cause I think it's a European plug it's got.

Yeah, would have, but you can get one of those fairly, fairly, fairly easily anyway, for wherever you are. So that, that is, that's what I'm going to do. So that's what I've put forward.

Now I've had a couple of video reviews put on, added, and it gets added automatically. As soon as you add it, it's added on there as well as the written reviews as well. But out of I think six forward and were written reviews that I've had so far.

And a couple of people said that they, they didn't feel comfortable speaking on video. Another person contacted me saying they weren't able to, to access, you know, to do videos, but they can leave a, like a written review. So what I thought I would do, because it seems unfair not to include people that have left a review because I've asked is everybody that leaves a review between now and Christmas day, which is when I'm going to announce the results on Christmas day on a live Facebook broadcast, Christmas day, it's going to be let me bore you to sleep Christmas special or something.

I don't know. And what I've, what I'm going to do is those that have left a written testimonial their name will go into the box or into the competition. Those who have left a video testimonial, their name will go in twice.

So there's twice as much chance of them, you know, if you've made a video twice as much chance. I think I should do three names in there, shouldn't I? Give you three times the amount, but I think twice is fair. So twice as much chance to win as, as the person that's done the written one.

But I think it's only fair that I include the people that have written down a review, because, you know, it's kind, it's kind for them to do that. Kindness of you who's done that to do that. They've done that to do that.

They did that. But also I don't want to take away the competition from people that have left a video, because that was the idea behind it. To have some video testimonials, because I haven't had, I haven't requested video testimonials since I think 2011.

So it's, you know, a good eight years. I had quite a few testimonials on YouTube and I think I did a competition then as well. So write, write a video testimonial and, or make a video testimonial, stick it on your YouTube channel.

And then I'll sort of link it to my YouTube channel and just tell me how you feel about what, what I do and that. And I did have a few, I probably had about 20, maybe less, but I had quite a few video testimonials. And I think the thing that I was giving away then was a box set.

I think it might have been the Sopranos or the Wire box set. I'm not totally sure. And DVD box set.

So if this goes well, then I'm going to do a competition every month. So I'll do another one in January. In fact, what I'll do is, yeah, I'll do this one and it ends Christmas Eve or Christmas Day rather.

And then I'll start another one, maybe New Year's Day, perhaps. We'll see. I do have a tendency of changing my mind.

So I might do it on a different day, but definitely going to end this competition on December the 25th, Christmas Day. This chair, there must be a way of stopping it from squeaking. And I've tried to get rid of it and get a new one.

That didn't work out too well. So, so yeah, so that's what I've got planned there. So if you would like to participate in this competition and win an Echo Dot, an Amazon Echo Dot, brand new, still in the box and still got wrapping around the box, and I will send it to you wherever you are in the world.

And you will be grateful. You will, you will be so happy. So, you know, that's one of the things.

I do have a couple of other special ideas. As well, but I'll keep that, I'll keep that to myself. It's, it's, I've got a few, a few thoughts of, well, I won't keep it to myself.

I'll talk about it. I don't like keeping things to myself. I thought maybe with the coming year, 2020, I'd like to up my game somewhat.

I'd like to, I'd like to do more, make more recordings. Do these Let Me Bore You To Sleep every day next year. Do the Deep Sleep Whisper Hypnosis recordings every day next year.

Do one of each. I did a, I did one today actually, earlier, Deep Sleep Whisper, I think it was 169. That's not bad, is it? I've done a few of them.

And I'd like, I'd like to do one recording for my relaxation hypnosis for stress, anxiety and panic attacks. But not necessarily, well, I might, I'll do them, but it might be specifically a relaxation session. So it won't just be some of them are me talking and talk about my experience, talking about, you know, maybe some ideas.

I'm also going to be making some deep relaxation sessions as well on that podcast, because that's the podcast that has the audience for the relaxation sessions. And the relaxation podcast, which has 200 and 230 recordings on, I hardly get to look. So I need to kind of focus on the places where people are, that are coming to listen, if that makes sense.

And I'd like to, the Sleep Hypnosis Weekly, stick to that as well, and make sure I do one every week. Because it is, I left it about five weeks between recordings. I did a new one a few days ago.

But that was like that five weeks since the last one, which is just ridiculous. So I need to, well, I want to, I don't need to, but I want to be more, if the word is reliable, that's probably the word, consistent, perhaps. And they're kind of both kind of a similar, from a similar kind of texture, aren't they? Kind of a jelly, strawberry and banana jelly texture, both of those words.

Very wobbly. I like wobbly things. Not blemonges though.

I don't like blemonges. I like jellies. Although, you see, when I was a kid, right, see, I don't like custard.

I really, really, it's one of those things, don't like it. I can eat it hot, but I won't, because I don't like it. I'm disappointed.

I'm an adult. I don't have to eat things I don't like. When you're a child, sometimes, not quite sure why, but adults seem to like to force kids to eat things they don't want to eat, which, on one level, you think, well, if it's fruit and vegetables and something that's good for them.

But if it's something like custard, which has no nutritional value whatsoever, unless you were stranded on a boat in the middle of the ocean, and without any food or anything, and a bowl of custard would save your life, you know, that'd keep you going for another day or so probably. But outside of that situation, custard isn't probably the most nutritious thing. So, you know, why would I need to eat it? And I think it spoils stuff.

You know, if you've got, I'm really into puddings, like steamed puddings. And when I say I'm into them, I mean I really, really like them. However, I rarely eat them.

In fact, until recently, when I got my microwave oven, I hadn't had a steamed pudding probably since the last time I had access to a microwave. Microwave? Did I say microphone oven or microwave oven? Microwave oven. Microphone oven, that'd be weird, wouldn't it? It would be.

My microwave is so noisy. It hums when it's on. It's not that noisy then, but when it finishes, it bleeps five times.

Five times. Five, I mean, why five? Not, okay, maybe one isn't enough. You know, maybe it needs two.

The washing machine only does two beeps, doesn't do five, only does two. But the microwave does five. I'm thinking the washing machine was there first, the microwave was trying to outdo the washing machine.

Oh, you do two beeps, do you? Well, watch this. I can do five. So I don't want it to do five, especially not at early hours of the morning when I'm kind of trying to be quiet.

But at the same time, I still need to eat because I'm a growing lad. Five times is too much. So the last time I had access to a microwave is probably 2010.

Yeah, the end of two, or I suppose January, 2011. But that's when I got evicted from where I was living. But there was a microwave there, and I used to put sponge puddings in there, like syrup or treacle.

And have it with, I don't know what I had it with. I have this vague recollection that I used to have it with an ice chalk. Not ice chalk, it doesn't even sound right.

The word ice chalk. Chalk ice. Chalk ice? Is that? Yeah.

Ice chalk. Chalk ice. For those that don't know what chalk ice is, it's like a, it's ice cream, like vanilla ice cream.

And I don't know why it's only vanilla. I do wonder if they ever tried it. They, you know, the manufacturers of this particular product.

I wonder if it was ever tried with different types of ice cream. But in my life experience, it's only ever been with vanilla ice cream, and then covered in chocolate. But not like a Magnum.

When I say that, I don't mean the gun. I mean the chocolate lolly. Because the Magnum is very thick chocolate, isn't it? And then you break it, and then half the chocolate actually falls off of the ice cream.

It's a mess. It doesn't work. Strategically, it doesn't work.

Looks lovely, tastes, tastes all right. But it's, it's, it's awkward. It's, it's like trying to get in, trying to get into my grandmother's tights.

It's just an awkward maneuver. It's because I don't wear tights. And when I say trying to get into her tights, I mean, she's not in the tights.

I'm not, I'm not being weird. I'm saying, because I have put women's clothes on before. Because I used to be at school.

And where's this going? I used to be in acting. I used to do drama class. I did drama during the last two years of school as a subject, as a GCSE.

It wasn't called GCSE back then. It was called O-Level. But I think I was, I was at CSE level.

So I wasn't, GCSE basically mixed O-Level and CSE together. And so there'd be loads of clothes there. I could dress up.

I used to have makeup on. And I'd have dresses, bras, high heels. And the amount of times the teacher, drama teacher say, Jason, that costume does not match the play that we're doing.

Or, you know, you don't need that. We're just doing a reading. Don't need to dress up as a woman today.

But I want to. I loved it. And the thing is, I sometimes put the wrong thing on the wrong place.

So I think once I had nail varnish. I liked the colour, so I thought that'd look good on my lips. So I had bright red lips.

But actually you shouldn't put nail varnish on your lips, should you? And so that wasn't good. And then the eyelash. I don't know so much now, but I'm sure I used to have quite long eyelashes.

And I used to enjoy putting, is it eyeliner or whatever, and stuff. The thing is, you have to be very careful. You have to be very careful with that stuff.

And then I used to have this makeup and used to put it all over my face. And it was almost like waxy stuff. I don't know.

But I liked it. And I'd just dress up in whatever was available. I mean, the drama teacher did say that I didn't have to wear underwear.

Didn't have to wear underwear. He either got sacked for that, wouldn't he? And I didn't have to wear women's underwear when I turned up for the drama class. And I said, oh, sorry, I didn't realize the drama was on today.

I thought it'd been cancelled. He said, well, why are you wearing women's underwear then? I said, oh, I don't know. I didn't expect anyone to notice.

He said, well, we wouldn't notice if you were wearing clothes. And we all rolled around laughing. And we had a tiggle fight.

It was great. And so, yeah, I've worn women's clothes. And that's what I'm saying about trying to get into a pair of tights, which is something that I've done.

I've worn girlfriend's bras. Not like in a weird way. Just, you know, down the supermarket.

And great for shoplifting. You can walk out, you can walk in hands-free, and you can walk out hands-free. And no one knows.

It's great. It's such, didn't know you got these little secret compartments. It's good.

Never realized I'd actually grow into a bra, though. I didn't realize. I was always so slim.

It wasn't that I was thinking I wish I had boobies, because I didn't. I like, you know, just from a kind of curious perspective, just wondering if it would just, yeah, I'm not gonna, yeah. But I've worn underwear.

I think every man, just like I'm sure lots of women have. I don't know, what do men wear? We don't really wear anything, do we? See, men don't wear anything that are, like, manly, really. I suppose some of the underwear you would, because, you know, it would be kind of a men's underwear, but things like boxer shorts.

So I've worn boxer shorts since I was a teenager, and that's something that anyone can wear, whether you've got, whether you're dangling or not dangling. It's, boxer shorts are for everyone. They're unisex.

But then there's nothing else, is there? Socks. Do females wear socks? That's a legitimate question. I actually don't know.

No, they do. Yeah, they do, don't they? Yeah, of course they do. I think, yeah.

Yeah, because you have to wear socks if you're wearing shoes, even if there's, but I think the socks are sometimes hidden, aren't they? So they're not kind of too far above the shoes. I saw a postman, two post men, they were men, the two poster workers, standing around chatting, and I was standing at the bus stop, and it's cold. So I didn't have my hat on because I've been growing my hair lately, and I don't think it's fair to deprive the world of my hair.

Again, it rhymes. It's not fair, and you may say, I should wear a hat, but I don't care that it's not fair. With my hair.

So my hair's getting curly now, because it's getting longer. It's getting wild, and I'm purposely allowing it to go wild, because I want to see what happens to it. And I'm not brushing it forward, because it looks like I'm trying to cover up a bald patch.

Instead, I'm just letting everyone see the bald patch. I am receding, but I've been receding since I was about 29. So that's over four years.

And I haven't really receded that much, although I do have a little bit of thinning on the top of my head, which I discovered last year, I think. Whilst making a video, I bent down to pick Andre out, and as I was watching the video back, because I just wanted to have a look at Andre, I saw the top of my head, and I thought, oh, because that's the thing. If you've got a thinning patch or a bald patch, or a balding patch or whatever, not clear balding, and it shows more the longer your hair is.

Just like the receding hairline, it seems to be more prominent the longer my hair is, especially if I comb or brush my hair downwards. Did I say comb? I haven't used a comb since the last time I had knits. I don't use combs.

Brushes, not comb. Has anyone used a comb? Has anyone ever used a comb since the Fonzie? Hey, cool, groovy. Hey, that's my Fonzie impression.

Hey, that's quite good, actually. Hey, so I am growing my hair, and so I'm thinking, I mean, I do have a hood on my jacket, but I do also have a woolly hat, and there's this conundrum, because if I wear the woolly hat, I'm thinking I might lose some of my sex appeal to the other passengers on the bus, and then I remember if I actually don't have any hat on, I look like the professor out of Back to the Future, so kind of, you know, and I'm growing my beard long as well, or I'm going to grow it long, because it's still fairly short, so I'm going to look a right mess, actually. That's my plan.

It's, I don't know if it's a very good plan, really, is it? But for some reason, it appeals to me, the idea of just letting everything just grow and just go wild, kind of appeals to me in a strange and unusual manner. Yeah, I don't know why. So what's the day today? I don't know what the date is, but it's Monday.

I know it's the 22nd on Sunday. So 22nd Sunday, 21st Saturday, 20th Friday, 19th Thursday, 18th Wednesday, Tuesday 16th, Monday 15th, or, which would have been a lot easier, Friday the 13th, Saturday 14th, Sunday 15th, Monday the 16th. So today's the 16th of December 2019, and we're, what, about eight days away from X-mas.

So what day is it now? 14, 13, 14, 16. So we've got 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25. So nine days away from Christmas Day, and which means 10 days until Boxing Day, and then 11 days until we can just get back on with our lives again.

So was it Thursday? Sunday's the 22nd, Monday's the 23rd, Tuesday's the 24th, which is Christmas Eve. So Tuesday's Christmas Eve, Wednesday's Christmas Day, Thursday's Boxing Day, Friday would just be an ordinary day, and Saturday would just be an ordinary day. Sunday, it's just not a lot happening on Sunday around here.

Monday, just an ordinary day. Then Tuesday is New Year's Eve. Wednesday is New Year's Day.

Thursday, just an ordinary day. And Friday, the 3rd of January 2020, another ordinary day. So that would be lovely.

I have to think of a new competition, but I do have an idea. I do have an idea, and it's going to be, it's going to be something especially groovy. It really is going to be really, really cool.

Really, really groovy. So I hope you like, but I won't spoil the surprise right now, because I've got no idea what it's going to be. Even I just said I did.

I've got an idea. So I do have an idea, but I don't have any idea. But I have an idea, but no, you know, solid and theoretical proposal to verbalize to you at this time, because I don't currently know which way I'm going to go when it comes to the competition in January 2020.

I feel so tired. I'm just sitting in this chair. My eyes are closed, and it would be so easy to drift off.

So easy to, I've got this book, I've got this book, and I'm just going to read out of it. Can't be bothered. I'm going to count down from 20 down to one, and I'm probably going to fall asleep while I'm doing it.

20, yeah, 20 down to one. 20, 19, 17, 16, 14, 12, 10, 6, 3, 1.