#289 Let me bore you to sleep - Jason Newland (1st January 2020)

Hello and welcome to jasonnewland.com. My name is Jason Newland and this is the first recording of 2020. Hey, so this is Let Me Boy To Sleep number um, I don't know what number it is. 280 something, I think.

So Happy New Year, wherever you are. So at this moment it's New Year, it's New Year in England. It'll be the New Year in a fair few parts of Europe.

It'll be the New Year in Ireland and Scotland and Wales and England and France, Germany, I think, because now two minutes, it's 12 minutes past two in the morning. And but of course at the moment, depending on when you're listening, but as it is being recorded now it won't be the New Year yet in Australia or in America. Possibly, not in Canada either, or South Africa or New Zealand or Mexico or Brazil or and Israel or and I can't, I suppose everywhere really, apart from the countries that are close to me, like you know, sort of the closest countries really would be Ireland and the Isle of Man, the Isle of Wight, the Guernsey Islands.

Where else? France. I think, is France two hours difference or is it one hour difference? Germany, I'm sure it's two hours difference, but again I might be wrong. But of course as you get further sort of into Russia, it's going to be, I imagine, because it's a bit a long distance isn't it? Because unlike England, apart from Ireland, most other countries are just way bigger, you know.

So France is huge compared to us. Germany's huge compared to us. Russia is huge compared to pretty much anywhere else in Russia, as far as I'm aware.

China, massive. India, massive. The continental Africa, huge.

And of course the United States of America, absolutely huge. And Canada, if I'm correct, is even bigger than America, space-wise. I think I'm right in that.

I might not be. And it doesn't matter because, well, it might matter to some people, but not to me. Because I was talking to a friend earlier and he's, I think basically his question was, did you actually go to school? Which was, that was not how he worded it, but it was more like, don't you know anything about history? Because he was mentioning famous figures from history that I've never heard of, people that, their statues in London, I think like in Trafalgar Square or, you know, some of the main sightseeing places in London.

And what I would say, also before I say anything, only listen to this when you can safely close your eyes, and Happy New Year. I'm going to keep saying that because I actually feel good saying that, so I'm going to keep saying it. Happy New Year to all of you.

And genuinely, well, yeah, I kind of mean it. I do mean it. I really wish everybody a healthy, well, happy year overall.

You know, I hope that good things happen for you, you know, positive changes. If you're listening to this because of issues with sleeping, I hope that you get lots of sleep. And although, I suppose from an ego perspective, perhaps, or from a wanting to feel, I don't know, needed or whatever you want to, you know, the needy part of me wants people to listen to my stuff.

But at the same time, if everybody that listened to my recordings only listened once and never had to listen again, because you now sleep easier. It's like something's changed within you and the process of sleeping is just that natural instinct, that automatic part of you that just falls asleep at the correct time. The same way as the feeling of hunger, or the feeling of needing to go to the toilet, or breathing, or the blood circulating around your body.

All those natural, automatic processes is exactly what sleep is. So, you know, although it'd be lovely if people listened once and then they didn't have to listen again, because something's changed within you, you know, and, oh, I don't know what it is, but I now sleep really well. Yet, at the same time, I do want people to listen.

And so it's kind of one of those things, which I know some people don't listen just for the falling asleep bit, at least that's what I'm told. But I had a message recently saying, it's on Facebook, asking me to, if it was, I enjoy your podcast, but please stop yawning loudly and into the microphone, because it, I think it was, it's because of off-putting or something like that, or jarring or something. I forget the correct words.

And it's, it's, yeah, I don't know, it's, I've always yawned when I make recordings. I've always yawned when I've done live, record live sessions with people in the past, going all the way back to 2006, when I used to do group sessions with people, I always yawned at the beginning. It's almost, it's not, I'm not purposely, purposefully pretending to yawn, because there's no point.

I just, I'm trying to keep my yawns quiet now. I'm really self-conscious about it. And I don't want to feel self-conscious about anything that I do when I'm making recordings.

So I suppose the answer is no, I'm not going to stop. And not in a kind of, like, rude way, but just, I naturally yawn. But at the same time, I don't, I don't want to be disrupting people, you know, or interrupting sleep if someone's fallen asleep.

It's just, it's quite difficult to make everybody happy. It's, and I, but I do want, I want to, really. I kind of don't want to, but I do want to.

And the part that doesn't want to is the reality part, which knows that you can never make everyone happy. And I remember a very famous comedian, he said, he said to me, I don't know who it was, I think it was Alan Francis. He said to me, 20 odd years ago, this is before he was famous, but he was well known in London.

He was a headliner. And it's before he kind of became a TV star and everything in England. I don't know if he's well known in other countries or not.

But he said to me, you know, because I was talking about, I was trying to pick his brain a little bit and said, how do you, I think he would give me some advice. And I said, well, it's all right for you because everyone loves you when you're on stage. Which was a bit, a bit silly thing to say, because the reason they loved him is because he was really, really brilliant at what he did.

And he worked really, really hard at it. I didn't realize that at the time, you know, people don't accidentally become really good at something. They work hard at it.

And even those with natural talent, it's never enough. Being naturally a fast runner is not enough to win an Olympic gold. You have to work really, really hard because no matter how naturally talented you are, someone else that's not as naturally talented, who works harder than you will win, will beat you.

So it's in a race, I mean. So, but I said to him, yeah, but everyone loves you. And he said, no.

In the audience, guaranteed, even when it's, you know, I'm killing it, even when everybody seems to be enjoying it, there's going to be at least 10% of people in the audience that really don't like me. Sometimes more, maybe sometimes less, but it's going to be people in the audience that are just going to not get anything I say, especially as they weren't coming to see him. He wasn't famous at that stage.

Very different if, you know, you go to see a... So if you came to see me, I'd just do a let me bore you to sleep live world tour. And you'd be coming to see me because you like me, or you like what I do, or you enjoy what I do. And you're going to be coming with the expectation of having to really, of enjoying yourself.

And, you know, you won't come along thinking, oh, this is going to be crap. What's the point in this? But if you didn't know me, or you didn't, never heard me before, and I just turn up, or you just walk into a show and think, what's on tonight? Oh, we'll go in here. Don't know who he is.

You might not like me. You might not like what I do. You might not get it.

You might not know why I'm doing what I'm doing. And neither do I half the time. So, which is fine.

And he said, you know, people coming in, there's men that have brought women in with them that don't want to be there. There's women that have brought men in that don't want to be there. Men that have brought other men that are in there.

Women brought women in there. People have brought family members. People have brought in work colleagues that don't want to be there.

They just come along and they're not interested. But you don't hear those. You hear the laughter.

So it sounds like everybody's in on it and everybody likes me, but that's not true. And there's something about keeping it real. He was really about keeping it a real perspective of actually don't get too caught up in your own hype, even though he wasn't.

He was a headliner. He was. And he did go on to be famous.

And do you know what? I can't even remember what was my point to this story. There was a there was a point to it. I don't know what it is.

But yeah, you can't please everyone and you won't please everyone. And I can't please everyone and I won't please everyone. And not even famous people can please everyone.

But, you know, there's a certain commitment. I'm a really big fan of Stuart Lee as a comedian. He's a comedian that I used to know years and years ago.

He's a brilliant comedian. He's one of the best comedians I've ever seen. And I would go and see him, but I might take someone with me who really doesn't find him funny at all.

But that person sitting next to me thinking, what a pile of crap, possibly, is not going to make any difference to the show because most of the majority of people are loving it. So it's kind of about catering for the people. I don't want to be like populist or go like just catering for the majority, because I do also want to listen to people.

You know, someone takes the time out of their day to write me a message saying that if I'm yawning a bit too loud, the thing is I don't yawn into the microphone. I don't like stick the microphone in my mouth and yawn. The microphone is in the same place as it stays in the same place throughout the entire recording.

That's what I mean. But the yawns could possibly be, I don't know the word. The yawns could possibly be at a different volume, I guess, because they're a little bit louder than, because I suppose I would say I'm fairly softly spoken most of the time.

And softly as in fairly quiet. And if I did a massive loud sneeze, because you know, you get those sneezes that catch you off guard. And if you're in public, you just hope that you haven't snotted everywhere.

You know, that's those kind of sneeze. And I would very likely edit that out if I sneezed, or I would try and reduce the volume of that section. So I suppose I'm withholding my yawns now.

It's very uncomfortable. So instead of go like that, which is what I naturally do. That's what I would do on my own.

It's what I would do walking down the street. I possibly wouldn't do that if I was in a public place like in a coffee shop, or a brothel, you know, just just standard places, I probably would withhold the yawn so it wasn't too loud. Or if I was in a job interview, you know, just places where you kind of got to show a little bit of English reserve, and English uptightness.

That kind of like this, it's all holding in, let's not just be, let's not just be ourselves and just be natural. And some people sneeze really loudly, don't they? Like really loudly. And I've done, I've done some loud sneezes.

I mean, I've done some that I really felt good about, you know, like really proper, proper. I mean, I did one in the park. I did two actually, two in a row, a few months ago, and I was with my friend.

And honestly, it filled the whole park up with sound. It was like a carnival going on. It was just carnival, not carnivore, carnival.

And it was such a loud, it was so freeing, because I just let, it's almost let all of the sneeziness out of my lungs, out of my nose and my mouth at the same time, and just let it spray, but not onto anyone. I mean, for about 10 minutes, it did look like it was a bit of rain for a bit, but it was, the park had its own weather system for about an hour. But I would never do that if there was someone around.

I'm very, you know, I've been brought up to put a sausage in front of my mouth when I sneeze, in front of my face. It's just, I was brought up to do that. You don't just let it, you don't sneeze on someone.

You find ideally a pork or beef sausage, and you put it in front of your mouth to stop the other people, because you don't want to, I don't want to offend anybody. So that's why I do, if I'm, I carry a pork sausage around, because I know very few people will be offended by that. And so I don't want to, I don't want to sneeze onto someone, because it's awfully bad manners.

And I love, I love doing, I love the idea that I'm spreading the word of manners, of good manners. And it feels nice to know that I'm giving something back to the world by educating all those people that may sneeze freely and joyously outward, ridding their body of all those germs and all that stuff. The point is why they're sneezing, because the body needs to release it, needs to be out of the body, out of the lungs, out of the chest, through the nose, cavity and mouth.

And those people that like to just let all those germs and bacteria to be released from their body so that they can heal and be well. I like to teach people not to do that, because it spreads it, it's just, it's just rude. So what I want to teach people is, if you can't sneeze into your palm, try and find yourself a nice farm.

So what I mean by this, it rhymes, it's something you can remember. Or, if you can't unload into your palm, no, that's probably not a good term. If you can't release it, no.

Over your hands. Okay, where I'm going with this is, if you can't sneeze into your palm, if there's some reason you can't do that, then find yourself a farm. So what I mean by that is, find yourself somewhere open space and sneeze there.

Because if you go to a farm, you can let out the biggest, loudest, most, I don't know, ecstatic, joyful, romantic sneezes that there could ever be. And no one's gonna, no one's gonna be looking at you like, hey, why didn't you put your hand in front of your mouth? So none of that. The only problem is, when you breathe in, you can smell all the pig manure, but that's okay because, well, it doesn't affect me because I don't go to the farm.

That's something you've got to deal with, so it's not really my problem. But the thing is, the thing is, it's good to sneeze loudly sometimes, but not at three o'clock in the morning. And ideally not around people because, you know, no one enjoys being sneezed on.

It's just, I don't think, I've never, yeah, I don't think I've ever, ever met anyone or ever seen anyone walk up to someone and say, excuse me, can you sneeze on me please? It's, it's not a thing, is it? Oh, you know, I've met, I've never met anyone with that, you know, with that romantic urge to sneeze. But sneezing, if you hold it in, it's uncomfortable. It's, it's like trying to hold in, trying to hold in a bowel movement once the water's broke, you know, you can't, you know, nature kind of has to take its course.

So if you hold a sneeze in, you basically sneeze inside your own body, don't you? And it stays inside your chest. But that's not what's needed. What's needed, it needs to get outside your body.

Yeah, some of this actually made sense as I was saying it, but it kind of stopped making sense as I was saying it. It's the year, I'm not sure. But Happy New Year.

This is 2020. What have I learned from last year? Um, okay, I can't think of anything I've learned. So what have I done? Well, I've made more recordings during 2019 than any other year so far, I think.

I'm pretty certain I have. I haven't counted all of the recordings yet. But I'm pretty sure that I've made possibly 500 recordings.

It'll be over 100. It's definitely over 400 recordings. So it might be about 500.

It might be 400. I don't know. I'd have to, I'd have to count, which is possible because for the last couple of years, or last three years or something, I have been dating my recordings, which is something that I used to do in the early days.

You know, 2006, 2007, I've got dates in the title of some of my recordings. You know, chronic pain relief number three, and stuff like that. And with the date, 14th of July.

So I don't know, I think it's got to be over 400. There gotta be. There gotta be.

Yeah, gotta be. So that's what I did. I bought a shed, which is in my bedroom.

So that was a garden shed that's in my bedroom, which will be my recording studio for probably for making the more quiet recordings. The quieter, you know, like the whisper sessions, and maybe some of the longer hypnosis sessions. Maybe some of these as well, but I prefer doing these in my living room with the light on, where I can just sort of relax, you know, have a little, maybe watch the telly on mute, have it on, watch Andre playing around if he's playing around.

And, you know, just feel nice and relaxed with the occasional yawn. Occasional yawn. But at the same time, because sometimes if one person says it, there might be more people thinking it.

So if everybody else thinks, can you please stop bloody yawning, then I will take that on board. Because, you know, if I suddenly had, instead of one person saying it, if I suddenly had 300 people saying it, so instead of, you know, instead of one person, me ignoring one person, I'd be ignoring 300. So, you know, so it's, no, no, I don't ignore anybody.

I don't. I really don't. But at the same time, I'm not sure.

Because, you know, there's no rules to this. There's no rule book that I could look at and say, well, how do I do this? How am I supposed to do this? Because I'm not really doing exactly what other people do. I mean, some might say, yeah, well, there's other people making relaxation recordings.

There's other people making sleep recordings. There's even people doing boring stuff as well, which is true. But no one does it like me.

And I don't do it like other people. We all do it, we all do it different, you know. Everybody does some, they do it different.

It's, it's not like building a wall. You know, I'm talking like a small brick wall outside a house, as an example. Of course, some people might do it a little bit different, but the basic structure and method of building that wall, you know, will probably be the same with most bricklayers.

It might change, you know, a little bit, but it's going to be roughly the same kind of process, you know. But making recordings isn't what's for me anyway, is not a particularly structured activity. As far as, I don't know, yeah, it's a creative process verbally.

And when you, I suppose it's similar in a sense as you get 50 people drawing, I don't know, a tree with an elephant sitting on a branch, or something like that. So every single person draws that tree differently. Some would, they would draw it, some people would paint it, some people would use acrylic paints, some people would use, perhaps, oil paints, some people might use water paints, some people might use charcoal, some people might use other stuff that I don't really know about.

It's going to be different, just in the same way as no one else online is going to talk about my life, other than me, because no one in the world is living my life. I'm not saying that as boastful, because my life is extremely boring, which is why I talk about it in these recordings. And I'm fine with that.

I am at peace, because my boringness can be used for good. So my superpowers of boredom are used to help people. And that feels nice.

You know, if I was boring people, going into banks and boring the cashier to the point where they just hand over their money, just anything, just please stop talking to me. Here's 10 grand, can you please leave, please? Which, you know, would be a, I don't know what it would be. So yeah, that's, that's kind of, that's it for that really.

I don't know what other things I've done this year. I started the new year in doing an interview with Hedini, who is, is a hypnotist, as well as being a magician. He's made loads of videos on YouTube.

And his YouTube is very popular. He was one of the first hypnotists to make videos on YouTube. And his channel goes back to 2007, I think.

You know, I might be wrong, but it's about that. So he's been around on YouTube for over 12 years. And he's got millions and millions and millions of views of his videos.

And he gets loads of comments. He's got a very loyal following on his hypnosis videos. So I did an interview with him on New Year's Eve.

So I saw the new year in with him talking on a video. And the video is still online. It's still, still on YouTube and everything.

And so that was good. After that, New Year's Day was, it was okay eventually, but it was, had a little bit of a weird start. Someone knock on my door asking for money.

Someone that I don't really know very well. So I was like, go away. And all other things happened.

January, February, March, April, May, June, July, August. No, not really much happened at all. I didn't, I went to a birthday party in the summer in August.

So that was nice because I, I got to see one of my aunties that I haven't, I just rarely see her, but she's lovely. So that was really nice sort of getting to have a little chat with her. And I had a little bit of a bonding session with my niece and we had a laugh.

And it was the first time, she's now, I don't know, 10 or 11 or something like that. And she's, I don't know, I just sort of verbally was able to connect with her, with humor and, and it was nice. And it was the first time since she's been born really, that I actually felt a little bit of a connection, a little bit of a, not that she was human, because obviously she's human.

And I don't know, I just, just felt, I was just with kids basically is, or anyone is, I'm a verbal person. So I suppose when someone gets a little bit older, they're a little bit easier to communicate with on a, on my level, I suppose. So I realized my level, my age level is about 10.

That's my mental level is about 10 or 11 years old, which is good because it used to be three. So it's definitely going up. I reckon, I reckon I'm going up by at least a couple of years per year, if not more.

So by the time I'm 60, I'd like to be 60, which some may say is a ridiculous thing to just say out loud, but I just said it so it don't matter really. It don't matter. That's one of those yawns that's so unpopular.

I'm going to leave it in. Let me know if you don't, if the yawns are a bit, let me know. I know some people will say, because they like to moan or just for the sake of it.

But I'm asking genuinely, I'm not asking for complaints. Because, you know, basically if you've got a complaint, if you're not happy, you're welcome to a full refund for this recording. And you can get the refund for this recording that you're listening to right now.

Anytime between now and the end of January 2020. So you can get your full refund for the cost of this recording, if you're not fully satisfied. But Jason, we don't pay anything.

It's free. How can we get refunded for something that don't cost nothing? Yeah, good point. We must be able to get refunded if you're going to complain about it.

But Jason, I'm not complaining. I'm just saying, you know, I'm letting you know, getting you some feedback. If you're going to get me all tired and I'm starting to drift off and suddenly you start making these stupid noises that sound like fake yawns at an extremely different volume to the rest of the recording, then I'm going to get annoyed with you.

Well, okay, I'll try and stop doing it. Well, I'm afraid, young man, trying is not enough. You need to say and promise and do.

Sometimes words aren't enough. Action is required. So instead of saying you stop it, how about stopping it? Well, how am I supposed to do that? Well, well, you know what you could do? Well, what you could do, what you could do, I forgot which voice I'm doing, is maybe go outside or take up ballet dancing or make a massive boat that can carry three of every animal in the world, which just happened to be there nearby and willing and able to... Oh, look, Coca-Cola, Coca-Cobana Beach.

New Year celebrations. Huge. It's actually Brazil.

So it's Brazil and now it's... I've got no idea what time it is, but this is now on the news. Rio de Janeiro, Coca-Cobana. Oh, they've got fireworks.

Brazil welcomes in a new decade with a firework display. Over one million gather against a long Coca-Cobana Beach. Coca-Cobana is in a banana.

And the fireworks display is going. Oh, so that's... I think Brazil is one of those countries that I sometimes forget about. Yeah, it's huge and hugely populated.

It's a big old country. I don't know how many people live in Brazil. I could ask Alexa.

Alexa, how many people live in Brazil? Alexa, how many people live in Brazil? According to the CIA World Factbook, as of 2017, the population of Brazil is 207 million people. So I don't know if you heard that. In 2017, it was estimated that Brazil had 207 million people.

So I'll give you an... I'll give you an idea. In England, we have about 60 million. Yeah.

If you fit it, that might be interesting to see. If you fit England into each country, like the really populated ones, there's a lot of people there. I mean, China is over a billion.

India over a billion. African continentals is over a billion. Russia.

I'm not sure about Russia. Because although it's huge, it doesn't... The population isn't as big as, you know, places like India or... What's his name? I don't know. Where? India, Africa, America, Russia.

So 207 million. If you fit it, I wonder how many times you could fit England and Wales and Scotland. So UK, Britain, whatever you want to call it.

If you could fit this country with whatever element, you know, the land, the island, this island that I live on, how many times could you fit that in Brazil? Or how many times could you fit it in America? Because America, I think, has about 340 to 360 million people living there. Oh, look, there's another firework display. See you, Sydney.

I thought Sydney was about 12 hours behind, but they've got their firework display. It's only, I don't know, six minutes past three in the morning, and Sydney have got their display already. That doesn't make sense, does it? Alexa, what time is it in Sydney? Okay, 2.05 p.m. in Sydney.

So it's not New Year's Day yet. They just showed, oh, maybe they're just showing last year's. I wonder how many times you could fit the island that I live in on into America.

So I'm guessing 10 times, 20 times this country in America, maybe more. But even based on 10 times, which it will be more than that, I'd say in America, if they've got 360 million, compared to 10 times 60 million, which would be the population if it was taken over by England, which means there'd be half, yeah, half a, how many? I don't know. I can't even remember what I was talking about.

But anyway, it'd be good. It'd be really good. And, yeah, I'm just getting to the point where I'm just really tired.

Even though I'm not yawning, I'm just... So I got my eyes closed, and it'd be really easy to just drift. And just sleep. It does feel nice.

Oh, I'm so tired. I don't even make sense to it. I'm so tired.

I don't want to go to sleep, you guys. Really. Oh, it's nearly, nearly time for me to let go and wish you a happy new year and have loads of splendid times.

Relaxing, relaxing, relaxing. And think, try and think about stuff that's happened. Remember, be kind to yourself, because you deserve to be happy.

Lots of love.