#296 Let me bore you to sleep - Jason Newland (9th January 2020)

Hello and welcome to jasonnewland.com. My name's Jason Newland and this is Let Me Bore You To Sleep. My tummy's rumbling a little bit but that's okay. It just means I'm hungry.

So I'll have something to eat after doing this. So please only listen to this when you can safely close your eyes because it may cause dowsiness. So what is the date today? It is the 9th, yeah the 9th of January 2020 and it's Thursday which yeah it's all right.

It's okay, I'm okay with that. It's a weird audio weekend or over weekend and so much has happened in the world. So it's been quite eventful but by the looks of it things are starting to calm down so that's good which I'm pleased about.

Another thing I'm pretty pretty pleased about is the stats for my podcasts have risen considerably this year for some reason and that's really cool. I like that, I like that a lot. It's one of my, it's kind of like a hobby of mine I think, studying the stats.

It's not, you know, it's not for everyone. It's not, it's not probably the most exciting thing for a lot of people but for me I just love it. I do, do, do, do, do.

So basically so far, I don't want to go into great detail, so far total downloads for my, for all of my podcasts on Spreaker, this is since the 21st November 2018, 671,433 with 22,142 plays and the current month is just risen. For example, the Wednesday the 1st of January I had 2,009 downloads then 2nd of January 2,564 downloads. The 3rd of January 2,398 downloads.

The 4th of January 2,475 downloads. Sunday the 5th of January 2,844 downloads. Monday, bit of a bit of a leap, Monday the 6th of January 5,528 downloads.

Tuesday the 7th, which was two days ago, 4,184 downloads and yesterday, although yesterday is not finished yet, there's still another hour or so left until those stats will be finished, but I've got 3,600, actually it's not, it's more than that, it's actually more. 3,692 downloads for Wednesday, 3,692. As I said, there's still another hour, hour or two left, so that's going to be probably about 3,800 or something, maybe even 4,000.

So that's quite groovy, I'm quite pleased, I'm quite pleased with that. And just looking at the overall websites, the podcasts, Deep Sleep Whisper Hypnosis is now 116,962. Hypnosis for Sleeping Deeply is 134,934 downloads.

Let Me Bore You to Sleep, this podcast is 88,374. I can't wait for that to be 100,000. It's also got 5,784 plays, so it's got the highest plays of any of the other podcasts.

Relaxation Hypnosis for Stress and Anxiety, 64,305. And Sleep Hypnosis Weekly, 38,501. And lastly, Sleep Insomnia Hypnosis, 124,863.

I say lastly, it's not really lastly, because I've got other ones. I've got another 30 podcasts or 28 podcasts, but they're the main ones. And so let's say, how many have I had on the top podcast? How many downloads have I had today? Or yesterday? Oh, according to this, one.

That doesn't seem right. That's it. That's the one.

So yesterday, I had 836 downloads on my Hypnosis for Sleeping Deeply. It's not playing the game. Oh, there it is.

At the most recent. Yeah, yesterday. No, yesterday, the 8th of January, 174 downloads for episode 295 of the Let Me Bore You To Sleep.

What I've noticed is the Let Me Bore You To Sleep podcast have grown this year, as in the amount of downloads per day. So yesterday, 352 downloads. The day before, 367.

The day before that, 344 downloads. The day before that, 358. And that's just on the, just on this podcast.

Oh, this tablet, it's not good for moving stuff around. Anyway, so yes, I'm quite pleased at this rate. I don't know how long it's going to take to get to 100,000 for this podcast, based on 400 a day.

What's that a month? 400 times by 30. 30 times by 1 is 30. 30 times by 10 is 300.

No, 300. Yeah, 300, 400 times by 10 is 4,000. So 4, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12.

It's about 12,000 downloads a month for this podcast. And then another 12, 24, put another 24 to 30,000 downloads. of this podcast on other podcasts.

So 24, 48, 24, 48, 22, 24, 48, 58, 68, 72. Wow, so I'm getting over 70,000 downloads of these Let Me Bore You To Sleep recordings every month. Does that sound right? It don't sound right to me.

400 times by three, 400 times by 10, 4,000 for... No, I got it wrong. So it's 4,000, it's 12 times by three. 12, 24.

Yeah, that makes sense. So 12, 24, 44, 48. No, 12, 24, 36.

So 70,000 sounded nice, didn't it? But about 36,000 downloads a month of these boring recordings at the moment. Oh, that was boring. That really... Even for me, I like the stats, but that was too boring for me.

I do apologize. Too boring. What other podcasts have I got? I've got a few that don't get many.

But they've still got more, like the self-help and self-development, the hypnosis podcast, it's got 18,153 downloads. But I got 22 downloads yesterday, 30 the day before, and 92 on, well, four days ago. So it kind of, it fluctuates.

I wonder what other ones. Sleep hypnosis with music, 13,863. So I think I did tell you that I've got my website.

I'll be working on my website, really trying to get it, just trying to get it up and running, really, trying to get it up and running. It is up and running, and it is functioning, and it is working. But there's so many episodes and recordings that aren't on there.

I mean, hundreds of recordings of mine that aren't yet available on the website. And it's just taking forever. At the moment, I mean, this week, I've put the chronic pain relief sessions on there.

I've put the sleep hypnosis sessions on there. I'm now in the process, also put all the other courses on there. So they're all organized, easy to stream or download for free.

I've also put the, I'm in the process of putting all of the relaxation recordings, the hundreds of those that are on there. And I think I'm up to about 70 or 80 so far that I've done. So that's going to take probably another couple of days before that's finished.

And then I will put the self-help, self-development recordings on there as well. And I'm going to try, probably, I'd like to do some kind of organization with those, because there's recordings for various different things like tinnitus, there's self-harm and flatulence. Now there's no flatulence.

You know, eating issues, just all kinds of stuff like that. So I'll try and figure a way of organizing it, maybe just have a specific page, just with everything kind of listed and linked to the different collections. Yeah.

And then, which is something that I did about three days ago or two days ago, something that I should have done many years ago, but I haven't. And I realized why I haven't, because it's extremely, I'm not sure what the right word is, but I'll explain the process and you can make up your own word. I've been, I went through some of my older sleep recordings and I edited them.

So I downloaded them off of the podcast, re-edited, tried to clean it up a little bit, cutting off the introduction and just sort of doing it so it's a little bit nicer, the introduction and the fading in, fading out at the end, scanning through it to try and cut out maybe some of the sounds that were not needed and then saving it and replacing the file on the podcast. So my intention is to do this with all of my older recordings, which means I've set myself up for a huge, huge task.

I just wish there was a way, some kind of service where I could, or some kind of website where I could go online, upload the audio and it kind of gets processed so it comes out the other end clearer, cleaner, no background sound and just crystal clear quality.

But as far as I'm aware, apart from those in the know with the knowledge and the money and the equipment to do such things and the time, I'm not really able to do that. So I'm gonna almost need to settle for just tidying up the stuff, you know, taking, cutting out as much of the unnecessary sounds and just make it a little bit more professional-ish, kind of, yeah. That's kind of where, yeah, I'm saying kind of a lot and it's pretty much what I'm wanting to do.

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Ah, let's have a drink there. So just to remind you, if you like what I do, leave a review.

It was so pleased with that rhyme. It was a good rhyme. I think it's possibly the best rhyme ever in the history of rhymes.

And the video facility to leave a video review is now functioning perfectly on my website. After a little bit of tinkering because it wasn't working, but it is now. So I look forward to seeing some videos of people saying lovely things, hopefully.

Hopefully. Of course, I suppose you could write a video saying horrible things, but well, I don't see what the point of that would be. So yeah, that'd be really groovy.

Groovy, groovy, groovy, groovy. It would be lovely. So thank you.

So today, I woke up early because I was looking after my friend's dog. So I didn't really get any proper sleep until he got back and then I went back to sleep till about four or five something, about four o'clock. And what I noticed, what I noticed is this.

Let me tell you. Let me tell you what I noticed. It's getting lighter.

A half past four is now lighter than it was, I don't know, two weeks ago or last week. So it's starting to get lighter. So I'm actually fairly pleased because there's something special about that.

And there's also something for those that are awake during the night, you get to experience something that people who are asleep don't, and that's the sunrise. At one point, you know, sort of three o'clock in the morning or half three, you know, when it starts to get light. It's just, it's lovely.

It's actually really nice. And also being awake, sleeping during the summer, not sleeping during the summer, but sleeping during the day in the summer is okay because you're basically going to bed when it's light and you're waking up when it's light. So if I go to bed at six, get up at two in the afternoon, it's still light for another, what, 10 hours or eight hours, nine hours, I don't know, till about 10 o'clock or nine o'clock.

So yeah, I quite like that. Oh, what's that? Now I've got the TV on, but it's on mute. Just showed a picture on the front of a newspaper and I wasn't quite sure what it, what it was.

So yeah, this year's a bit strange. I'm kind of looking at the, the website as I build it and starting to realise that I've kind of got a business there because it is a shop. Of course, everything on there is free, but it's still, it's still a shop, still an online retail professional.

I say professional, but you know what I mean? It's something that is usually used to sell things. So I'm using the same platform that people have online shops with, but I'm just not selling anything. Everything is free to download.

So I'm just thinking, you know, if in kind of a worst case scenario where I just literally didn't have any money coming in to buy food or pay, you know, to pay the rent or anything, I could just spend a day changing everything from three to one pound each and get rid of the podcasts and just, you know, only have my stuff available on my website. And then hopefully I'll be able to earn a living out of it. But I don't actually want to do that because I like it all being free.

That's what I like. It's one of the things I like about it. You know, I see people who are online trying to make money and I've got no issue with other people making money.

You know, this is my society that I've been, I've grown up in this society, which is dependent on people making money. You know, that's the way this society is structured. And I wish anyone well that's successful, financially or otherwise, I think good luck to you.

But I do, I do wonder sometimes when people have got how much they charge for so little sometimes. That's why, that's why I like Netflix because they're the lowest, they charge the least amount out of all of the other platforms. You know, I think Netflix charges $5.99 a month.

I think Amazon is $7.99 and Now TV, I think it's even more now, might be $7.99 or $8.99. And Netflix, it's got so much to offer. It's got so much content. For me, that's good value, great value for money.

And I like that. I like the idea of like, if someone was going to pay for something, that they'd get a lot. So I like to give away lots of stuff for free, but I like the idea of giving loads and loads and loads of stuff, which I do.

And I like that. I like the idea of having choice. And if there was more than just me doing this, like, I mean, there is more than me, there's other people doing this stuff, but if I could kind of, not clone myself, but create more content, like huge amounts more, I would.

I'd be creating 10, 20, 30, 100 recordings a day, if I was able to, but I'm not physically able to do that. So, you know, I think two is probably the most, maybe three a day. One at least, but sometimes I can do three.

But two is, I think two is a good day. If I can record two different recordings. Like yesterday, I did one yesterday, but the day before, no, I did two.

The last two days I've done two recordings. So yesterday I did the Let Me Boy to Sleep, episode 295. And I did a recording for the Relaxation Hypnosis for Stress and Anxiety.

And that was episode number 69. The day before that, I did Let Me Boy to Sleep, that's at 294. And I think it was Deep Sleep Whisper Hypnosis, 171 or 172, I'm not sure.

So that's quite cool. I think two a day is good. It's just finding the right time to do it, because I was making the the one today, or yesterday, during the day, the Relaxation Hypnosis for Stress and Anxiety.

And my friend's dog was basically just following me around. And he's very heavy footed, a big old dog. And he's like, he was making quite a bit of sound.

And it was just, I struggled a little bit to concentrate on what I was doing. So having background sound can distract me at times, especially when I'm doing something that's specific. See, with these recordings, I just talk about anything, anything and everything.

But when I'm doing the other ones, let's say if I'm doing the Deep Sleep Whisper Hypnosis ones, first of all, I'm whispering. I need it to be quiet. I need to have a background of relative quietness, which is practically never.

Even at night, there's the train, the background, which I don't normally hear during the day so much. But because there's less of any other sounds, the train seems to be a bit more prominent. Unless, of course, they just move the train track closer.

That's probably not the case. That'd be weird, wouldn't it? Very, very strange. And apparently Prince Harry and Meghan, Meghany, is moving to Canada to live a normal life.

And that's what the headlines are. They're going to, Harry and Meghan to step back as senior royals. And I think one statement was something about they wanted to be financially independent.

I would have thought that they'd both just already have enough money. I might be wrong. I might be wrong.

But I thought that she was already a star, you know, a TV star. Meghan and Harry was born into money. So he must have a few million pound in the bank anyway.

And even if he, I don't know if this is true, but even if he didn't get any more money given to him every year, he would just have, they're both rich. They're multimillionaires. So that's kind of, isn't it, that's independently wealthy, isn't it? Financially independent.

If you've got a few million, maybe, I don't know, I suppose it depends. Depends what lifestyle you want, I guess. That's one of the weird things because if I was given a million pounds, let's say I won the lottery.

Let's pretend I did the lottery because I don't. But if I did the lottery and I won a million, different people have different perspectives on what that means. Which I've struggled to get my, I have struggled to get my head around it.

I'll be honest with you. I like to listen to two sides of the story. I really do.

I find it's informative, educational, and sometimes hilarious to hear the different sides of an argument or opinions. The thing is, to me, unless someone is already a multimillionaire, which is probably unlikely they're going to be doing the lottery, but you never know. Who knows? A million pound isn't going to change their life if they have, if they're already rich.

However, I've never met a rich person that wouldn't, that would turn down a million pound or that would turn down a hundred grand or 10 grand. You know, rich people look after their money. That's why they're rich.

So I've never met any rich people to be fair, but I just, I've heard people say, Oh, million pound. That's not enough. It's not enough for what? A million pound.

Okay. So how much are you earning right now? 28 grand a year. So you're earning 28,000 pound a year.

Yeah. That's for full tax as well. So you're taking home probably what? 23,000.

So let's see how many years at 23,000. So that's 230 grand per decade. So 200, two, four, six, eight.

So that's over 40 years worth of your wages, 40 years. And you're 40 now. So actually you can retire in 25 years or 30 years and still have, yes, you can spend that money instead of working and still have 250 grand in the bank just by living off the amount that you earn yearly without working, if that makes sense.

And when you retire from work, do you think you'll have 250 grand in the bank? You might do, hope you do, but, and it's kind of like, well, a million pounds, a lot of money for the average person. For me, a hundred thousand pounds is a lot of money. I'd be rich.

I would feel rich. If I had 10,000 pounds, I'd feel rich. But I've actually heard people say, oh, a million, that's enough.

I could buy a house. I said, yeah, yeah, true. That's true.

You could buy a house. In fact, depending on where you live, you'd be limited, perhaps. If you wanted to live somewhere in London, in a nice area, you wouldn't get much for your million pound.

You'd perhaps get a two bedroom house. You might not, you know, you might have to spend more than a million, but you definitely, you won't get as much as elsewhere. If you're willing to go and live somewhere in the country, countryside, a different part of the country, you get a seven bedroom house for maybe half a million, with lots of land, or for 600,000, 700,000 and still have a few hundred grand in the bank to play with.

Or, I mean, I could just live here. I could have a million pound in the bank, live here, pay the rent. It's 80, probably about 85 pound a week.

84 pound a week it costs. So just pay the rent and yeah, that'd be quite cool. Get a helicopter to the garage if I wanted to buy, you know, some milk or something.

You just do silly things. I mean, what I'd like to do, I think if I was, money was no option. Money was no option.

Money, there was no limit. That doesn't make sense, does it? If there was no limit to how much I could have, as far as a lifestyle goes. I've got a few different lifestyles I'd quite like to have.

I'd quite like to live in London. In the West End, so that I could be within walking distance of the theatres, the theatres, and Soho, and the bookshops, and the comedy clubs, and, you know, Oxford Street, Leicester Square, Trafalgar Square, you know, just to be around that area so I can get, go wherever, and kind of live that lifestyle. I quite like, you know, going to, just have like, going to restaurants, but nice restaurants, and because that's something I've never really done, and I might get bored with it if I did do that.

I'm actually saying that I have done it. I dated a solicitor in London when I was about 28, and she was a little bit older than me, I think. Or was she younger? She might have been younger.

I don't care. There's not a lot of difference between there. She might have been about 26, actually.

But she was way more refined than I was. Much higher educated. She was, instead of making an absolute fortune as a solicitor, or as a lawyer, whatever she was, she decided to help people in need.

So she offered her services on a kind of a basic rate kind of thing. So she, I think she was helping, I think, refugees possibly, or something like that. She did tell me at the time, but it's a long time ago.

And, but she was still earning good money. So she lived a nice lifestyle, and she's the only person I've dated really that lived that kind of lifestyle, that had, I suppose that had money, but I don't know how much money she had, and it wasn't really about that. But she used to treat me, and we'd go to restaurants, and we'd do things that I couldn't afford to do.

And I didn't mind. I wasn't very generous like that. I think if someone wants to pay to take me out to a restaurant and to a show, I'm very generous in letting people pay for it.

Very, very kind like that. And we went out a few times. We didn't date for ages, but probably a couple of months.

And we went out to, where did we go? We went out to, I can't remember where we went. I think we went and saw Wayne Forgodot, which had Rick Mayall and Adrian Edmondson in a show. And again, that was back in 1998.

And so I saw that, and we used to go to these restaurants that were really, really nice. And it was just something different, and I liked it. But I would have liked to have been able to pay towards it, or to be able to pay for us to go out, me pay for it.

I didn't want to actually pay the money, but I would have liked to have had the money to pay, so I could have spent it on something else and let her pay for the bills. I think she liked me. She actually bought me roses.

And was it her? Or was it someone else? No, it was someone else. It was a different person. But she, I did like her.

It was quite nice. But we, just having that going out, and instead of going to a pub, or just sort of being at home, because I never had anywhere to bring people back to. So I'd have to go around theirs.

But she had this place, and she shared a house. And I was thinking, why are you sharing a house? Why don't you just have your own flat? And I went to this house, and it was huge. And she had a big bedroom.

And to this day, I've never been in a bathroom better than the bathroom that she had. And she shared it with the other two people in the house. Or there might be one person, I can't remember.

But huge. The bathroom was the size of both my living room, and my bedroom together. Honestly, biggest bath I've ever seen.

There was a bidet in there. I found out it was a bidet, it wasn't a drinking machine, a watering machine to drink out of. But there was this big shower as low, you could basically, it was enough room for a bed, a wardrobe, a settee, sofa, television, you know, it's huge room.

So yeah. And the other time I went out, so although she wasn't, I mean, she might be very wealthy now, she's very good at what she did, I'm sure. And living in London, she could do the kind of job she did.

She may well, who knows, she might have 10 children and be, who knows? Nowhere known is her, what anyone's doing from the past. But there was another lady that I used to go out with, but we weren't dating, we were just friends. And she was a comedian.

So I met her doing comedy. But she was also a TV director. So she was very, what's the right words? Very, well off, but also very successful.

Yeah, that's probably the right word, very successful. She used to make documentaries and stuff. And she wanted to make a documentary about me.

But I was scared, because I was scared that my nan would see it and she'd find out what I was really like. And so I kind of had a bit of a missed opportunity. But nevertheless, we went out, she was fine about me not doing it.

And we went out. And we just used to hang out and she'd take me to theatres. And because she was kind of in the, not to say on the game, not on the game, but in the industry, she'd get tickets to concerts and stuff like that just sort of passed her way.

So she'd always have art gallery openings and various different things going on. It's a very busy social life. And she knew lots of people.

It's a complete opposite to my life, where I was putting stickers on bits of meat in a factory, you know, for £2 an hour. And then I was going and seeing her maybe at the weekends. And she lived in, I think, well, she lived in a big flat in a posh area of London with more books than I've ever seen in my life.

And I'm an avid book collector. And she had way more books than I've ever, ever, it's like, like a bookshop her flat was. And we just got on really well.

I think she had a boyfriend. And she wasn't at all interested in me at all. But she was very positive.

And I wasn't as positive as her. And I think I quite like being around her, because of her positivity, because it kind of rubbed off on me a bit. And her success, because I've not known, I have, it's quite weird, because I've been, I had my life where I was living very, very, very kind of low life existence, kind of, not low life as in doing horrible bad things, but just very poor, financially poor, and pretty much below the breadline, you know, just on the poverty line, for many years, just getting by.

But then I'd be going to comedy clubs, and I'd be around people that were earning more in one night than I was in a week, just for 20 minutes, they'd be wearing more for 20 minutes work on stage than I would in a whole week. And it's like, oh, okay. So I quite aspired to that success.

But I didn't have the talent to do it. I really just wasn't, I didn't have, I didn't have what it took to, to be successful in that sphere at that time. And, and then hanging around with this friend, her name was Helen, actually.

She's a lovely, lovely person. And we, once, we were meeting up for lunch. And she said, oh, I've got a friend meeting, I'm going to meet a friend as well, friends joining us.

And I thought, oh, but, or actually, it's probably the other way around. She was meeting a friend and she invited me to go with her. That's probably how it really worked out.

That probably makes more sense, actually. And we were at this top, really nice, top class restaurant. And I was looking at the prices.

And she said, don't look at the prices, don't worry about it, it's on me. And it was expensive. I mean, beyond, again, probably a week's wages on that meal, which is something I never would have spent.

But, you know, she was very generous and kind, you know, but anyway, that's not the point. The thing is, we get there first, and then this bloke turns up. And it's the lead singer of The Specials.

And I know a lot of people perhaps don't know who The Specials are, but they were a huge, huge group in the 80s. But huge, in a sense of they were such a huge influence on music, world music, at that time. And they had a song called Ghost Town.

I think it's this town. Oh, we're going on a ghost town. Everything is beautiful around.

Something like that. And that was the number one hit. But anyway, so this famous person's sitting opposite me, and just chatting away about life with her.

And I'm there. But I didn't, I didn't really have anything to contribute towards the conversation. Because what can I talk about? You know, what do you do? Oh, I put meat into boxes and stack them onto pallets.

What do you do? Oh, I travel around the world, making music with hugely famous musicians. Not a lot of in common conversations going to happen there. Which is weird how I'm able to talk for over 300 hours.

Was it 319 hours? I think the last count for these recordings. 319 hours and I still haven't actually said anything yet. Yeah.

319 hours of nothing. But that is kind of the point, I suppose, really. Yeah, anyway.

And the thing is this, this lady who is the, she worked for the BBC, and then she went freelance. First of all, she wanted to do a documentary on me. And then she wanted me to write a sitcom with her.

And she wrote the sitcom and wanted me just to add bits, you know, add some funny bits or stuff that I found funny. And, you know, and I, I was too lazy to do that. And then, and this is back in, I think I met her probably in 1993.

Still knew her in 1997. In fact, still knew her in 19, probably about 1998 or 1999. Because I asked her, I met up with her and asked her if she'd be interested in doing a sitcom, writing a sitcom with me and my friend.

And she said, yes. And I thought, well, we could do something where we just sit in there and just talk and see what comes up, you know. But then me and my friend, we didn't fall out over it, we fell out in it.

So while we were trying to do it, we fell out. Because neither of us liked each other's ideas. So it didn't really go anywhere.

And she, she came along anyway, and she had this camera that was that big professional, professional camera, something I'd never seen one like that before. And she was filming us. But it was just again another, nothing came of it because I didn't come up with the goods again.

And I think that was kind of my last opportunity with her. I think after that, she got a little bit fed up with, you know, I'm only speaking on my, my opinion, but I imagine she would have got a little bit fed up because she'd offered me so many opportunities to potentially be successful, you know, to have at least have a crack at writing a sitcom, because she knew the people to pitch the sitcom to, to get it on telly. So, you know, so she knew she had the, uh, she had a, more than a foot in the door.

It's just a case of putting the stuff together, making it decent. And then she could get it done. And she, even the documentary about me, she said, it's sorted.

You just got to say yes, and we can get it. We can start. Basically, what she wanted to do was follow me around with a camera and do a, follow me around at work, follow me around doing a comedy and just see my life, you know, because she, for some reason, I think I was some kind of anthropological, uh, experiment for her.

I think she's a little fascinated with my, my weirdness and she found me funny as well, especially when I was moaning. She liked listening to me moaning about stuff. So yeah, that's an opportunity I had and I messed, I messed it up or I didn't, I didn't grasp it.

I should have really grasped it with both hands, both feet, ears, you know, everything. But I don't know, I think there was part of me that was a little bit worried about success or, or failure. I suppose it could have been both to be fair.

Worried that maybe she'd put me in a bad light, but why would she? Because she was my friend. It's not like she just suddenly appeared out of nowhere. Do you want to do a TV show? And then, you know, let's do this.

She actually was friends with me. We used to hang out and do stuff and got on really well. And she liked my singing voice as well.

So yeah, I don't know. It's, um, could have been something. I could have been someone.

I could have been somebody. Isn't that weird? Could have been on telly. I have been on telly a couple of times, but I was on telly when I was 10.

I was on the Rolf Harris show when I was 10. And then when I was, that was at my school. It's on, it's on YouTube actually.

And then in 1990, 1995, I did a talent show on a channel called Live TV. So I was on telly there and it was, it wasn't live, but they recorded it and they showed it. And I was just doing some standup comedy.

So, but that's lost. That video is lost. I don't know.

It might be somewhere. It might even be on YouTube somewhere. Like how weird would that be if I could find it? Um, I got a couple of laughs, not many, but, uh, it was basically performing to an empty studio, you know, so it wasn't an audience or anything, but wow.

Outside of that, I don't think I've been on TV. No, it's the only two times I've been on TV. Been in newspapers, I think three times, maybe four.

I think I might've been in newspapers at the time of the, um, Rolf Harris show. There was a picture of me with probably all the other kids in the news, the local newspaper probably. So you'd be, you'd be hard pushed to sort of find me there.

But there was also, when I was very little, we had, we had the press at the children's home. And I think it was, I think a celebrity came over or something and there was a newspaper taking pictures. So I remember that just vaguely remember it taking pictures of us, whether or not I was in those pictures.

I don't know, but it was a picture of like everyone together, I think. And then in 1990, 1993, I was in the independent newspaper, the national paper, the independent. They did an article about me as a comedian.

And there was a big picture of me in black and white smoking a cigarette with long hair, just looking all broody. So there was that article. And the last time I was in this paper was 2006, where it was the Evening Star or the East Anglian Daily Times.

So it's online actually. And it's me talking about my free hypnosis service, pain relief service that I was offering in that, at that time. So it's, yeah, that's, that's the last time.

But that's the only, it's the only newspaper article that I can find that's actually, that's still got pictures of me. I look awful in it. I've got a bald head and it's a close up and it's in colour and it just looks, it's really bad pictures of me.

Yeah, I think if you're going to take a picture of me, the further away I am from the camera, the better I look. So that's, that's the secret. Also on YouTube, the video of me on the Rolf Harris show, I've watched it a few times.

I can't find out where I am because I'm looking and the camera's moving between all the different kids so quickly. But I'm pretty sure, I think I need to watch it on the big screen. That's what I might do actually.

I might watch it on the television rather than the small laptop. And that way I might be able to picture myself, sort of figure out which one I am. It's just, there's no pictures.

I've got no, no family albums of me when I was a kid, you know, between the ages of, well basically no, I've only got, there's no pictures of me up to the age of 18. I've got one picture of me at 18 on my 18th birthday with my nan and grandad. And outside of that, there's the occasional family picture taken since then, over the years.

But no pictures of me and my brothers as a kid at all. Which is a shame, they've just all been lost. And I'd love to see those pictures.

Just, yeah, but they're gone. Which means I can't, I'd like to look at the pictures to see what I looked like when I was nine or ten. So then I could say, I kind of know in my head, because I used to look in the mirror, I've got a kind of faint memory of it.

But I'd like to be able to look and say, okay, that's definitely me. Because at the time, when we watched it on television, we, I remember my, it was on Saturday early evening. And my recollection was, I was on the TV quite a lot.

Because everyone was cheering every time I was on there, like the family. And the weird neighbor that was looking through the window. So it was quite, it was, yeah, I need to rewatch it, I think.

Anyway, I do believe that's enough for one day. I wanted to talk about what I'd do if I was a millionaire, but I didn't get around to it. I just, I think it'd be nice to be able to know that this free service that I do and continue to do will just be financed forever, pretty much.

I'd set some kind of plan, financial situation thing going on where the website would be financed for the next, I don't know, forever, basically. Have some kind of trust set up so that all of my recordings would be available to everyone for as long as is possible. Yeah, this is based on the idea that maybe in the future, I'll be producing some really good stuff.

That's my plan. I'd say, you know, ooh, sometimes I see adverts and I think, well, I haven't tried those yet. And I remember, I don't have periods.

No, so, oh, look, he's doing, what is he doing? Zoopla. There's some strange adverts on late at night. Anyway, I'm going to go.

Thank you for listening. I'm going to go and have something to eat. I shall speak to you tomorrow.

Remember to be kind to yourself because you do deserve to be happy. Do something, do something nice for yourself today or tomorrow. When you wake up, do something nice.

Give yourself a little treat. Take care. Lots of love.

Bye.