#235 Let me bore you to sleep - Jason Newland (11th October 2019)

Hello, welcome to jasonnewland.com. My name's Jason Newland. This is Let Me Boy To Sleep. Please only listen when you can safely close your eyes.

And right now, Andre is laying on the table on his back and I'm holding his little feet, on his little hands. And I'm just stroking his chin. And the reason why he's just laying there, I think, is because I never let him on the table.

So he's enjoying, kind of in his mind, he's being naughty, I think. And he's getting away with it. Because he's not allowed on the table.

So he's just laying down. And he seems to be enjoying it. He's just flat, flat on his back.

He's got his little tongue sticking out, so he's very happy. And I'm just massaging his feet. Or is there his hands? I'm massaging his hands.

And he's got his tongue out again. He's just, he's just laying there. He likes this.

I don't normally, well, I don't ever do it on the table like this. Perhaps I should a little bit more often. He just literally just jumped onto the table as I was getting ready to start the recording.

Because he's in that mood where any time I move, he jumps out of his bag because he wants to go for a walk. But I'm not going out. It's nearly 1.30 and I'm not going out that time in the morning.

Because there's no street lights on. I'll never go out at this time in the morning. No.

But he does want to go for a walk. But he has been out. He went out earlier.

Didn't you mate? Yes, you did. Yes, you did. I don't know if you can hear him go.

See, this would make a good video. And now he wants to get off. Want to get off dear? Give daddy kisses.

There you go. Go and play. Right.

Oh, what was I going to say? Oh yeah, only listen to this and you can safely close your eyes. I think I've got the window open. I'm recording this in my living room.

Because I'm going to be reading out of the magazine. I can't do that in my garden shed that's in my bedroom. Or my recording studio.

Because there's no light in there. So I'm gonna read. Oh man, this takes me back.

It really takes me back. And I don't think I've bought this paper or magazine. I'm quite sure you wouldn't call it.

Since the 90s. Like early 90s. 92, 93.

And it's the National Enquirer. And it's been a long time since I bought this. It's also a lot more expensive now.

Cost me £1.59. It used to be about 40 pence or something. So I thought I'd add this to my collection of let me bore you to sleep. Books and magazines to dip into.

So if you'd like to contribute towards the cost of the garden shed, I welcome any help. My PayPal is jason, what is it? It's paypal.me. Forward slash Jason Newland. The link's on my website.

I'm going to be paying that. How much did it cost? £229 for the actual shed. Plus the expenses of getting it put up and stuff.

So it's going to take me quite a while to pay that off. So I've got a Jessica Simpson. So she's, I'm going to be going to, I'm going to read, I'm not going to read the whole thing because it'll take too long.

What else? I cooked myself some food today. That's it really. I was trying to think what else happened today.

I did make my first deep sleep whisper hypnosis session in the shed. Eventually I got my friend who's helping me and I can't do anything till next Wednesday when I get some, my next money. But I'm going to start to soundproof it because the way this shed is layered, my soundproof foam doesn't stick even with glue.

It just falls off. So I'm going to need to get like a flat surface put in, which I'm going to do. And also I'm going to get some, I'm going to, just over the next few months or whatever, I'm going to throw every bit of soundproofing that I can afford to get in there.

I think you can get soundproofing foam and I want to make it so, but I also need to get lights in there. So I'm thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, always thinking, well I rarely think, of maybe getting, I need to get lights in there, but I'm thinking of doing some videos, which means setting the studio up so that I can make videos for YouTube. And possibly this is just an idea and I don't know even if I want to do it.

But possibly make all of my recordings, videos and audios. So I'll record them separate. I'll record the audio and I'll record the video at the same time.

And that makes sense. So I'll record the audio separately on one thing. And then I'll record the video on the video recorder.

But I need really good lighting inside that shed, really bright lighting, in order to make it look good, or, you know, to be a decent picture. But the downside, or the thing that I always had a little bit of an issue with this over the years is what to wear. Because if I made a recording every day, and I've done this in the past, you start getting to see my collection of clothes.

So I don't have much to wear. And none of them really are camera worthy, if that makes sense. I kind of, I think if I'm going to be on camera, really, I should be dressed well.

I never put a lot of effort into that side of things. But then there's the other side of things is, I look at the videos that I did in, you know, what was it, well, even 2010, 2008, 2009, I just look younger. And I should because I'm, you know, it's a decade ago.

But it's just, oh, because I remember 2009. Oh, man, just yeah, it's weird. And just, there's a video that is right at the place I used to live.

And in front of these two doors in my section of the house, I just had a room, but it was, I think it was like an extension that they'd built on. So I had one room and there's a room opposite me. And then there's a bathroom.

There's also like a living area that I never used to use. And there was this, these two doors that led to outside. But they rattled, the doors rattled.

But it was very bright. The room was very bright. So I tried to get out there when there's no one else around.

I'd make a video. So I can literally, I can look, the reason I'm doing this and thinking about this is because I've been going through hundreds and hundreds of videos that are on my YouTube channel from the past. But isn't everything from the past? Yeah, I know.

And I've been embedding them into my website. So it's just kind of updating the website and it just gives you an opportunity to not just listen to me, but you can see my funny face as well, if you want. But looking back, I can, any video that I've got, I can tell you exactly where I was.

I couldn't tell you the day or the date or even what I was talking about half the time. But I can tell you the room because of the background behind me. So I've got different rooms that I've used, different places I've used in videos.

The first one was when I lived in the Buddhist community. And it's a fairly good size room, actually. It was all wood.

The floor was all wood. And it was, I had, it was a nice little setup, actually. I got quite a few bookcases and that's when I had my biggest book collection.

It's now quite small, but it used to be really quite big. I had lots and lots of hypnosis books and courses, DVDs, CDs. I had lots of stuff there.

And I started making my video, my first videos in that room. Because I lived there from March 2005, I think, to when I started university, which would have been, well, it's November 2007. So I lived there when I first started the course.

And then I moved closer to where I was studying. So that room, the old videos, and the old videos aren't even on my YouTube channel. They're on a different channel together.

Because they're very old. And they're in black and white. Because I just, I had a, I had a webcam.

I think it was a Logitech webcam. Everybody had a Logitech webcam back then. And it's, it was okay.

The sound wasn't perfect. The picture wasn't perfect. But it was okay.

And I think it was quite a fairly bright room with the lights on, I think. Anyway, I filmed myself and behind the desk that I had, there was bookcases full of hypnosis books and psychology books and stuff like that. And in front of me, there was a, like a sponge, you know, kind of sponge that you use to wash a car with.

That kind of, you know, those big sponges. It was a sponge that I taped my website to. So I'd written on my website, www.jasonnewland.com. And I taped it up with some sellotape to this sponge.

And I placed the sponge in front of me so you could see the website. And I don't think people realized that it was, that it was a sponge or that it was there until I started picking it up and playing around with it. But just look, I mean, admittedly, that is 12, nearly 13 years ago, whatever.

Those, that video, those videos, the black and white ones, maybe longer, 14 years, I don't know. But it's, I'm supposed to look younger then, aren't I? It's just natural. You know, it's, it's, you know, it's just, it's no more unnatural than going to the toilet, is it? It's just aging process.

It's supposed to happen. It's a bit weird, just weird when you, I don't know, seeing myself. It's almost unreal in a way.

And so I've got the background there for where I lived. At the same time, I was doing podcasts. And the podcasting was a lot easier.

And I think the podcasting was first. So I was doing podcasts before the videos, before it, I was doing podcasts before I'd even heard of YouTube, I think. Because I think I heard of YouTube in 2007.

But I was already doing podcasts in 2006. And then, then I moved. So I remember, oh, I wonder if I made any videos anywhere else in the house.

I don't remember if I did or not, before I moved. No, when I moved, the new place I lived in is a tiny, tiny little room. And I think that's why I didn't realize I had an eyesight issue.

Because I was never more than about three inches away from the television. Because I was living in little rooms, tiny little rooms. So it's not really until I moved here, where the television is the other side of the room, that I realized that my eyesight was not quite as tip top as it once was.

And then I started wearing glasses all the time. Although I might have worn glasses all the time before I moved here. I don't know if you can hear Andrei's in the kitchen, doing his thing.

By his thing, I mean, um, he's doing what, uh, he's doing stuff. You wouldn't want to see a video of it. That's what I'm saying.

I'd probably get kicked off YouTube or face a book. So I got videos of me. I could just about fit a video camera into that room.

And behind me, when I was in that room, I had this big Buddha on the, it was a big metal Buddha. It was gold. It wasn't gold, but it was that color.

And it was behind me in quite a few videos. I was sitting on the bed, I think. Yeah.

And I had the camera balanced on some books or something on a desk. Yeah. I think that's what I probably did.

So I made quite a few videos there because I was living there for, what's, November 2007 to, um, the beginning of the year, probably January, yeah, January time, 2011. Yeah, three years, just over three years. And so I'd make videos in the room.

Sometimes I'd make videos in that, that bit, as I said before, near the squeaky, the squeaky double doors that opened. Now, when my landlord was away on holiday, and if there's no one else around, I'd sometimes make videos sitting at their, in their kitchen, at the table, because it's very, very light, a lot of light there. So that was quite nice.

And it was just nice to sit in a different place, really. So I'd go in there and I'd perhaps get a laptop and I'd do stuff. And I never went into their living room, I just stayed in the kitchen.

It was just nice to, just to spread out a bit, you know, not to sort of be stuck in a little room. So I did some videos there. See, I've got this memory of when I made the stop smoking course, the 28 day stop smoking course, I actually purchased a podcast kit to do that.

And I think it was, I don't know, £180 or £200 or something. So I got that from Amazon. So with that, there was a microphone, there was a I don't know what you call it, like digital thing that you could turn up and I don't know, whatever came with it.

Now, even though I do this stuff, it's the technical side of it, the electrical side of it is not necessarily my forte. And I always remember that because I made that recording whilst my landlord was away on holiday. And luckily there was no one else there.

So I took advantage of there being no one around. So what I did is I went into the, the, just outside of my bedroom, there was a big table that I was, that I could sit at if I wanted to, but although I didn't really feel comfortable doing it, but that was near the double squeaky doors. So I sat up there and I decided that I was going to spend the next 10 days building this 28 day stop smoking course.

And I've never prepared anything before. I've never put that much work in anything before or since really for a recording. So what I did, I had, I kind of prepared what I was going to say.

I recorded everything, but I did it like sentence by sentence, going back and editing, going back and editing, trying to make it as perfect sound wise as possible. And I'd probably do an hour on, or an hour on, an hour off, or an hour, two hours on, and then I'd have a break. And I had the, I was also making videos as well.

So I'd make, I probably made a couple of videos a day as well to put onto YouTube. I brought my television into the kitchen and I sat at the kitchen table and I was watching Prison Break, a box set. And I pretty much watched the entire box set during that 10 days, about the whole season, all of the episodes, apart from the last season, which they brought another season out a few years later, but I never watched that.

And I was there all day for 10 days. I'm talking as soon as I got up, till I went to bed. I didn't, I think I even left the house at all, I don't think, for 10 days.

And I ended up with four recordings. And a few years later, I consolidated them to make one long recording as well, just so that people could just listen to one. But I just can't believe the amount of effort I put into it.

It's ridiculous. That was more effort than actually, because I did some professional recordings as well at a recording studio. So I spent money, £500 at a recording studio, making three different recordings, a relaxation recording, a chronic pain recording, and a sleep recording, and had them on CDs.

And then I paid, I got professional covers printed. And this is back in 2000 and 2009, I'd say. Yeah, about 2009.

And even that was easier than the 10 days that I spent doing this 28 day stop smoking. But I kind of got fond memories. Because, I suppose, because I was watching TV as well.

And I had a bit of peace and quiet, because there was no one there. Didn't have to see anybody for 10 days. It was glorious.

Absolutely beautiful. And I hear my laptops. I'll put my laptop down with the lid off.

It's not the lid, I haven't took the lid off of it. But I put it down and now it's making lots of noise. You can probably hear it in the background.

Wind me up. Thing is, the laptop always wants to do updates. It doesn't give me an option.

It says either do it now or do it later. And if I say later, it just chews a random time. And just starts the updates.

So then I have to sign in all over again. Just as I speak, I can hear the birds in the cavities of the wall. So literally, on the right hand side, the birds live there.

Kind of, they get in near the guttering. And I just hear them. I don't know how many birds there are, but there's a few.

And they're just, it's quite weird because if you go outside at this time of night, you don't hear no birds in the trees, really. This lot, they're yapping away. Perhaps they're watching telly, I don't know.

Perhaps I've disturbed them by me talking. They're thinking, I wish he'd shut up. We're trying to sleep.

Then one of them says, well, why don't you go and listen to Jason? That Let Me Bore You To Sleep podcast, that'll help you. They put it on and they felt, wait a minute, he sounds familiar. It's that bloke.

God, he is boring. Oh, I do feel sleepy. So the person that's been keeping us awake is now sending us to sleep.

That's a very strange situation indeed. So what other places? I moved out of there. And I went to, I don't know what I'm going to do, I'm just going to go back to sleep.

I'm going to move this laptop because it's annoying me. I'll move on to the chair. It's a little bit out of the way.

Not quite as noisy now. And I moved to a new place. And there's this room, quite a big room, probably, probably, yeah, it's bigger than this room.

It's like a double room, but it had a double bed in it. But yeah, it's bigger than this, I'd say. Maybe not.

Probably not as wide, but longer. Just thinking about it, maybe not as wide, but longer. There's nothing wrong with width.

I think length is highly overrated. So I used to make recordings there. I made lots of recordings, videos, did a lot of vlogs for YouTube back then.

And that was when I did my first purposeful ASMR recording. Now, I'd already done recordings, what I'd done whispering, but part of sleep sessions and relaxation sessions and softly spoken, I mean, I think you could say that probably most of my recordings are softly spoken. I don't find shouty, shouty stuff helps people to relax.

Doesn't mean. And I might do one one day. I do a relaxation session for someone that's like a really chaotic person that's so used to being around, like, lots of shouty people, lots of people.

You know, maybe has like 10 kids. To be fair, if you're around, if you got 10, you got 10 kids, you live in a house with 10 kids and a husband or wife, and probably a couple of dogs possibly as well. And a guinea pig.

And then having someone like me shouting to you to relax. Might actually work because it'd be quite soothing compared to the amount of noise that you'd have to put up with with all that traffic. Yeah, I might do that.

A shouty relaxation session. Just shout, go to sleep, go to sleep. I can't remember what it's called.

I don't think it's called Death of a Salesman, but it might have been, but it had Timothy Small on there. Was it Timothy Small? But it was, it's quite funny, because he's a salesman. And he's listening to a self-help motivational tape in his car.

It might be a DVD. I don't know. But it was, this is quite a way back.

And he's listening to it. And I think he did it himself. But instead of being like Anthony Robbins, or some smooth talker, or Zig Ziglar.

Check Zig Ziglar out, by the way, if you haven't. Zig Ziglar. And Jim Rohn's a brilliant one as well.

But anyway, on the tapes, he's driving along. And the tapes just shouting him, saying, sell, bloody sell, sell. I said sell, bloody sell, sell something, sell, sell.

Now, there was more words, more naughty words than that. But it got me, it cracked me up, it did. Because I used to work in sales, and I used to listen to motivational stuff.

And just the idea of someone shouting at me, sell, bloody sell. It just went hilarious. But yeah, anyway, I don't know why I'm mentioning that.

What? What's next? So I did quite a few in that room. What I did do, which I've not done in any previous places, because I had an en-suite bathroom in that place. It cost me £125 a week.

Not just for the bathroom. That'd be an expensive poo, wouldn't it? But for the bedroom and the bathroom. So for an en-suite room, £125 a week.

I pay £82 a week for this one bedroom flat. Which has a kitchen. And yeah, a bathroom, probably equal sized bathroom, if not a bit bigger.

It's like, uh... Now, I did like the bathroom in there. Actually, the bathroom probably was bigger than the one I've got now. But it's hard to tell, isn't it? Because there was a shower, no bath.

Now, baths take up quite a bit of room. Because if you take the bath out, you'll see there's quite a big space there. And you put the shower in, and the room will look bigger.

Unless, I suppose, the shower is the same size as the bath. Or if it's bigger than the bath, then the room won't look bigger at all. It might even look smaller.

But anyway, this bathroom, it was all nice. The room was lovely. I can't fault the room.

It was a really nice room. It's fairly big. As big as this living room, if not... Yeah, it's really longer, but not as wide.

But it's hard to remember because our memories aren't... My memory's not 100% correct. And I had a double bed there for a year. So that was brilliant.

I love that. Because most of my life I've had single beds. I forgot about that.

Yeah, I had a double bed for a year. And it had these metal coaster things at the bottom and at the top. This is almost like a headstand for the bed.

Is it a headstand? Yeah, headstand. Why does that sound weird? But you know where your head goes? I don't mean on your neck. I mean, when you lay down on a bed, you know where the pillows are? I'm assuming that people sleep like I do.

But I'm guessing you sleep laying down. Some people might be listening to this. The pillows, you mean when they're super glued to the wall? No, no, I don't do that.

But the headpost, I think it's called a headpost, that was made of, well, it was like metal. And it was, I think it was copper. Well, I don't know if it was actually copper, but kind of copper-ish.

And it was, that was all right, actually. So I remember grabbing hold of it once and while I was stretching out, I was like, okay. And then at the bottom, there was also another one, but it was a smaller version of the one at the top.

Now that bed was a lot bigger than the bed I've got here, as far as length goes. Again, it was just, it was longer. No.

Yeah, it was longer, yeah, but not wide. I think my bed might be probably the same width, but that one is longer, unless it was a king size. But my toes never touched the bottom, I don't think.

But they might have done. That's the thing about not writing a journal, isn't it? Because I used to write journals in the past. If I'd have written a journal, I could have looked back and said, okay, so let's have a look what I was doing in October 2011.

And I look in there and said, oh, toes are pressed against the bottom of the bed as I write this. Things they wouldn't be because if I was writing, sitting up in bed, I'm five foot eight, my toes are never going to, even a single small bed, even a child's bed, my toes probably wouldn't reach the bottom because I'm not very tall. I'm tall enough to get away with being an adult.

It's five eight isn't like short, short, but it's not, it's quite weird though, because a friend yesterday said to me that he's five foot nine. And to me, he looks a heck of a lot taller than me. I thought he was at least five ten.

And he said he's five nine, so that didn't make sense. Because he's taller, he's, you can see it. Does that make sense? I don't mean, you know, we don't understand how visuals work.

I don't. If you're standing next to me, he looks physically, obviously taller. It's not that I look short, just he looks taller, although depending on, I suppose depending on your perspective, you could be thinking he looks short and I just look really short.

If you were like nine foot. Andre Blimey, sorry about that. Andre's Yeah, Andre's, um, I wonder if that window's open.

But he really, I was talking about the bed. Yeah, so the bed. I quite like the bed.

I have actually, because I know I did, I do. I think I'll paint a picture of, I've never slept in a double bed ever. But that's not true.

I do talk about sometimes, oh, I've only slept in single beds. Feel sorry for me. I don't really mean it in that way.

It's just, because I'm, I'm not a giant. Obviously. But I kind of, I spread, I spread myself.

So when I'm on the bed, I spread. And recently I shared the bed with somebody. I really felt the restriction of not being able to spread out.

So I think if I ever, if I ever was to, I won't use words, live together with someone, but I don't think that's, I don't know if that's ever going to happen. But if I did, I'd need to perhaps have a bed made or just try and get the biggest, widest bed. Don't need it to be long.

Just need it to be wide. Mind you, I could always, no, no, I was going to say if I slept, basically the length of the bed, I need to be the width of the bed and the length. So I need a square bed so that the length is also the width.

Oh, that'd be beautiful. But that would, that would be if I was living with someone. And apparently I'll snore like a cat purring.

But I was probably just feeling, like the old saying, isn't it? Cat that got the cream. I was probably in a good mood, probably. But I don't know.

I need a big bed. That's what I need. Big, big, big, big, big, big.

I want to travel to Canada. I want to travel to Australia. Wish there was a way of getting to Canada and Australia and America without flying.

And that'd be good. I'd like to do that. I had dreams about living in Canada.

It's weird. I had them for years. Where, I'm kind of living somewhere and there's a lot of snow.

And it's just very beautiful. Like visually beautiful. I suppose, did I have to use the word visually? I suppose because it can, something can smell beautiful kind of, I suppose.

Like cakes. Cakes smell beautiful, don't they? Except not all cakes, obviously. Because we all have our own preference, don't we? Like a poo cake, that wouldn't smell nice.

But why would someone make a poo cake? Something can taste beautiful, can't it? I don't, I rarely eat anything that tastes nice. I have quite a bland diet. You know, it's because I cook for myself.

And it's, I don't cook cook, you know, like from scratch. Oh, that doesn't, does that make sense? Oh, I just eat raw food. But I had a curry on, I think it was Friday night or Saturday night with my friend, a moment with my neighbor.

And I don't know if it was that I hadn't eaten a cooked meal for possibly a couple of weeks. Or it just really tasted nice. But it really, really tasted nice.

And I got it from the Indian takeaway. Well, it's a restaurant as well. But it really, really tasted nice.

And because they're so generous, a bit like the Chinese takeaway as well, they give way more than I can eat. We got, I bought it, we got a curry and some rice. Is it Pili? Pili rice? Pil? Pil rice? Piloi? Piloi rice? And I got one naan bread for us to share.

It was perfect. For me, just the perfect amount. Because I gave him half a, half a naan bread and I just ate the rest of the food.

No, not really. I halved it. Now he can eat a lot.

He could have eaten that whole curry, probably two times over. So you can, and he's very slim. So I'm the opposite.

I don't eat much. And I'm not slim. But I don't eat, I don't eat much at a serving.

You know, each time I eat a meal, I don't eat much. But I do eat 14 times a day. Again, I don't.

It's weird for years and years and years when I was a kid, I wanted to put weight on. I used to go to the gym from the age of probably 14. I used to go to the gym, trying to get my muscles.

And I did have muscles, but they were just, I was little. I was really little. And I was very late developing.

And just physically, I wasn't, I wasn't a man really until, I probably physically didn't look, I don't know if I still even look like a man now, but I didn't really physically look like a man probably until I was in my 20s. I could have passed for being a teenager, probably well into like 24, 25, if it hadn't been for the shaving. Because I used to grow a beard so that I looked older.

So I could buy alcohol and cigarettes and go into pubs and clubs and stuff. So I did look older with that. And, but I didn't look 18 till I was probably 20, 24, possibly.

And by then I was, I was bigger than I had been. And I had a lot of physical jobs. So I was strong, but very slim.

I was so self-conscious about how slim I was. Now it's top, it's flipped on its head, it's the opposite. I didn't like going swimming because, get this, isn't this weird? I didn't want to go swimming because I was, I thought I was too slim.

Yet what I was in reality was slim with muscles. And I don't know if I had a six pack, but I was slim, you know, it's all muscle. Didn't have an inch of fat on me at all.

And, you know, an inch is quite a, quite a lot, isn't it? Didn't even have an inch of fat. I don't care what anyone says, I stick to that. An inch is a lot.

Not an inch of fat on me, nothing. I was just, I wasn't bones. I wasn't, I was strong, but I wasn't not strong.

I was strong enough to do the jobs I was doing. So at times I was unloading lorries full of heavy boxes and lifting. I was, I was keeping up with what everyone else did, or in fact I was really doing more.

So it wasn't that I was a strong man because I wasn't. I was never, never entered the Olympics for weightlifting, but I was embarrassed. And it's really weird because technically I had a good body.

Technically. And I see people walking around in the summer with bodies just like mine. And they, not now, like it used to be, but in some, in some cases I was probably a little bit more muscular than them.

And some of them, but they'll walk around and they're very comfortable. And I don't know why I never was. The last time, I think what it is, because my dad was so big and strong.

My dad was, I'm kind of, I look more like my dad now than I did then. See, the sort of broadness or thickness or whatever. But when I was a kid, when I was very young, I was very, very slim.

And by the last time I walked around with my top off, would have been when I was a kid, like little kid with my two brothers, would be like going to the beach and chasing each other with buckets of water and stuff like that. Because I had two brothers. One was, I have two older brothers.

One's two years older. One's four years older. And we used to have a lot of fun doing stuff like that.

And I just used to follow them around really because I was only little. So I'd be nine or 10. So probably at 10, I was still running around with my top off.

And then when it got to 11, the children, the other children around me were developing into men and women or both. I don't know. And that's when I kind of, I was still a child.

I was like, oh, wait a minute. It was, oh man. Sometimes I love Andre.

I look at him and he's asleep. It's the cutest little thing in the world. And then I'll make a recording and he literally does everything he can to make as much sound as he can.

Actually, I woke him up earlier. I took him, he was in his bed. He's in his bag, which he spends a lot of time sleeping in.

And it's actually falling apart. I need to buy him a new bag. And the zip's broken on it.

But it works sometimes. And I, yeah, I picked, I took him for a walk. I needed to go to the garage because one of my neighbors was using my bath.

He needed his heating broke or the boiler broke. And so I offered him to use my bath, to have a bath and stuff. So he was coming at four.

So I needed to get to the garage before four o'clock and get back. And I was knocking on his door at three o'clock saying, because I said, we might, he could go in there now while I'm going off to the garage and he can have a bit of privacy, you know, because I had every intention of sitting on a toilet watching him otherwise. And he didn't answer the door.

I was knocking, knocking, knocking, didn't answer. I shouted through the letterbox, didn't answer. Come four o'clock, bang, bang, bang on the door.

You know, it's like, never answers the door. So he had his bath. But before that I went to the garage and I took Andre.

And I was originally, also going to, yeah. Did I take him for a walk? No, I did take him for a walk as well. He's been out twice.

So originally I took him at three o'clock to the garage. It might have been 20 past three, quarter past three, even 11 minutes past three. I'm not a hundred percent, but it's around three ish.

It was after three o'clock, but definitely long before four o'clock because I had enough time to come home and have a little rest before it was bath time. That sounds weird, doesn't it? But so I already had a bath earlier and I took Andre out and he was so tired. He was asleep.

I basically woke him up and he didn't want to walk. He walked a little bit, rubbed himself on the grass a little bit and then he wanted me to carry him. Now he's climbing up here.

You want to lay down on the table again? Yeah, good boy. You're a beautiful little boy, aren't you? Why not? No, I don't find you annoying at all, Andre. No, never.

Never. No. Annoying? No.

Beautiful, yeah. You're my beautiful boy. He's just lying down on his back again.

I'm just massaging his feet or his toes, his hands. His very dirty hands. I'm going to have to give them a clean.

So in the end, he basically climbed inside my top of my jacket and I ended up carrying him to the garage. And then on the way back, he climbed into the bag and didn't want to walk at all. And he fell fast.

He went to sleep. So I put him into the bag when I go into the garage because he's not allowed. He's not allowed in the garage without the bag.

And when I got out of the garage, he was asleep. He's just gone back to sleep. And I said, oi.

Because if he's asleep, it's harder to cross the road because it's a very, very busy road where I live. And trying to cross it, people, a lot of traffic, they don't want to stop to let me cross. But when I'm holding this little boy, I've got more chance of the traffic stopping.

But if he's in his bag asleep, that doesn't help me. So I'm kind of trying to wake him up, playing a trumpet in his ear, you know, that kind of stuff. Now, I'm going to ask Andre a question.

Why do you keep letting off big farts when I'm making recordings? You know, it's you, Dad. Why do you keep pretending it's me? Stop it. So it is him.

I'm not going to be able to do that when I'm in a recording studio, am I? Because he won't be around. I have to edit it out. You want to get down on the ground? Do you want to go to bed? Want to go to bed, bed? Andre, do you want to go to bed, bed? Do you? Want to go to bed, bed? Do you want to go bed, bed? Do you want to go bed, bed? Do you want to go bed, bed? You're looking at me like, Dad, seriously, I'm not a kid anymore.

You are. You're my kid. Oh, no.

He's just noticed the stack of books that I put on the bottom shelf of the bookcase. He hadn't noticed them before. I've been waiting for him to notice them because I figured he's going to knock them all off.

And I've just seen him clock them. He looked. It won't be long before he climbs up on the stack and pushes the whole lot of the books onto the floor.

That's what he's going to do. Now he's seen it. He's going to wait until I'm asleep.

Then he's going to do it properly. It's all about conspiracies, the conspiracies of the ferret. When I lived at another place, you know, the wide, the long, yet not very, not as wide, but a longer room, they had the ensuite bathroom.

Because the lighting in the bathroom was so great, brilliant lighting, I used to make recordings in there. But of course, there was echoey. So I had the iPhone and I'd make a recording.

Go to bed. He's had his dinner. I think he's gone into his bag.

No, he hasn't. So I used to make recordings in the bathroom because the picture was, it was just so bright. That was weird.

As I always remember those. And also, when I visited my dad for Christmas, which I did sometimes, I think I went for one particular Christmas where I made recordings in his bathroom or in the toilet. I also made recordings in the bedroom that I was staying in, sleeping in.

I also made recordings in the living or the extension living room pit. So I've got some videos there. That was when I was doing a video every day, like a daily hypnosis thing.

Then I moved out of there. While I was living there, I was using the Buddhist Center therapy room that I was using for counseling because I was self-employed. So I was using that room at night to make videos and MP3s because it was fairly quiet.

And I recorded my most popular video of all time, my most popular video of all time, the try and stay awake hypnosis challenge. And it's got music and it had well over 100,000 plays, I think that one did. Now it's got a couple of thousand, I think, 3,000 on the newer YouTube channel, but it had loads.

When I stopped, when I got rid of the channel, the last one, people contacted me wanting to listen to it. The ironic thing is never been popular as an audio. Isn't that weird? The podcast is that it listens, you know, people have downloaded it, but never had the popularity of the YouTube video.

And even now I get people contact me saying, I'm so glad I've rediscovered that video again because it's the only thing that helps me sleep. So yes, I don't know what the hell Andre's doing. He's trying to get through the front door.

I have to bring this to an end now. It's gone over, wow, 69 minutes. Who'd have thought I'd be able to talk this long and not even get through the last two places that I lived.

Well, the place before I lived here, I moved to that place, and it was a tiny little room, another tiny one. And I made recordings in there as well, so I can always see the background. And I know it was there.

But also every therapy room I used as a therapist, I used all of those rooms to make recordings, to make videos. So it's almost like a little chronological map of places that I've lived and worked over that period of time, over like 11, 12 years. Anyway, I'm going to go.

Thank you for listening. I didn't get around to talking about the National Enquirer, so I'll do that another day. So remember to be kind to yourself, because you deserve to be happy.

Lots of love. Bye.