#208 Let me bore you to sleep - Jason Newland (1st September 2019)

Hello and welcome to let me bore you to sleep. My name is Jason Newland. Please only listen when you can safely close your eyes.

And just as I pressed the record button, I spilled my drink onto the floor. Yay. And you may think, oh, it's no big deal me, is it? Not for you, it's not your floor.

Well, I've been cleaning my carpet lately. So I've been a bit more house proud and want my carpet to look nice. Anyway, did I say only listen when you can safely close your eyes? I literally, literally just started doing a deep sleep whisper hypnosis recording.

I was sitting on the edge of my bed. I was in the dark. Just on the off chance that Andre was in there somewhere, so I didn't disturb him and wake him up.

But I actually thought he was in the living room, but I was wrong. And just after I started talking or whispering, pitter patter, pitter patter, pitter patter, pitter patter. And I don't really know why I was saying that.

But then I heard Andre running across the floor and doing a poo. So that was nice. So I thought, and then when he'd done that, he just lied.

I know I couldn't see him. But I know him so well. I know him so well.

I know for a fact that it might have been a wee that he was doing. And he lied down on the floor. Not on the wee, he's very clean.

And he kind of, he was lying there staring at me. I know that for a fact. And I know that if I'd continued with the recording, he'd have jumped on me and started well just playing and stuff.

So I thought, I know what I'll do. I'm just gonna come into the living room, put the light on, like the big, the bright light. And I'll make a let me bore you to sleep.

So I haven't made one since the 29th of August, I think. And it's now the 1st of September. So it's only been two days where I didn't do anything.

But it's really showed in the stats, like yesterday, I had about five people download stuff. That's not true at all, but just less than normal. So like 1,100 downloads yesterday.

So what happened? Am I losing my fan base? Am I losing my, my ability to bore people? So before I continue, I would like to say thank you to all of you that listened to this and any of my other podcasts. Because a few days ago, I reached or yesterday, I think it was I reached the 400,000 download mark. And since November the 21st.

So it's just nine months, really. Just over nine months. So I'm looking forward.

I know it's been nice to reach the half a million. But that's not that far away. You know, realistically, I'm not far away from being at the 500 million, 500 million, the 500,000 mark.

And so I'm looking forward to the million, I mean, you know, I want to get to the half a million first. And which will be probably in a month's time or something. So by the end of this month, I should have half a million.

But I'm looking, I want to get this the million. Because I've never, never reached the million point in any of my projects. I've reached millions altogether.

With the various different things I've done, video channels, podcasts, and that over a million, million views on my videos on YouTube and MySpace and Facebook, you know, all together over the years and podcasts. I've had a few that reached over 200,000 downloads on SoundCloud and also had on Podomatic, I had a couple that was over nearly 300,000, I think. So yeah, so I've had millions altogether.

But I've never had like a million of one thing. That makes sense. A million of one thing? No, Jason, that actually does not make sense.

I just, I think it'd be really groovy to be able to look at the stats for these, for my Spreaker podcasts, and just see a million. It's nice looking at 400,000, that's nice. And but it'd be nice looking at 500,000 and 700,000, you know, but I want to reach a million.

Just, just like a little goal of mine. I wanted to reach a million by the end of the year. That was my goal at the beginning of the year.

And it's possible to do that, but not sure if it's going to happen. And definitely reach September, October, what have we got? September, October, November, December. So that's 400,000.

So I'll definitely reach the 800,000 mark by the end of December 2019. But I don't know if, like, where am I going to get the extra 200,000 from? So please download everything I've got, just to get me, help me get to the million mark. No, don't.

Only download what you're going to listen to, or what you like. Because otherwise, it's, it's false, isn't it? It's false stats. And all I'm doing is lying to myself then.

I don't gain anything by having, it's not like financial gain or anything like that. But just feels nice. Feels really nice.

Feels really nice. It's not that nice, but nice enough. And I'm playing with, by the way, if you're wondering what I'm playing with right now, what's in my hand, it's a school, it's a dictionary, basically.

And it's a school dictionary, which I didn't realise until just now. But then what's the difference between a school dictionary and a dictionary? The words don't change when you leave school, do they? Unless, yeah, no. So this is one of the books I've got.

So I've now got 1, 2, 3, 4 books that I'm going to be dipping into for these boring recordings. And a dictionary is one. So as well as boring you to sleep, I get to learn stuff.

It's very boring though. That's the thing, even important stuff can be boring. It just depends what format it's in.

Maybe I can get baby names as well. Or I tell you what I'd be quite interested in. It's getting a book on, what's the right term? Like sayings, colloquialisms.

Is that the right word? From, well, I guess from all different countries. But very much sort of from England, but also from America, maybe Australia, Canada, I suppose kind of the English speaking countries, in a sense of being able to pronounce the words and know what I'm saying. However, an English translation of Chinese sayings, or Indian sayings or Russian sayings, I'm just trying to, there's lots of different countries, isn't there? I think that'd be really interesting, yet boring for you to listen to me going through it.

But well, look here, a poem. It's a noun, a piece of writing in which the words are arranged in short rhythmic lines, often with a rhyme. Doesn't rhythmic mean rhyme? Well, is that right though? Because a poem doesn't have to rhyme.

They don't have to be in short rhythmic lines either. So yeah, well, that's what it says in the dictionary. But if you look at, there's lots of poems that don't rhyme.

It's a poet. That's a noun. What is a noun? I have to look up the word noun.

It's not that I don't know what it is. I just want to see what it says it is in here. Of course, I know what all words mean.

I know what dictionary means. Now, n-o-u, n-o-u, l-m-n-o, n-o-u-n-e, n-o-u. It doesn't have all the words.

Noisy, n-o-i, h-i-j-k-l-m-n-o, nominate, nondescript, none. It has none. Not as in none, but as in none.

Pronoun. Was I looking for noun or pronoun? Not a single thing or person, or not even a small amount of something. Now, I wonder why he's running around, seeing how much noise he can make.

Isn't that weird? R-s-t-u, r-s-t-u, r-s-t-u. Oh, oh, look. Noun.

I found it. The problem with dictionaries is it's really helpful if you know the alphabet. What does it say for alphabet? So it says here noun.

A, do you realise a noun is a noun? A word. Andre's now climbing through his little plastic tube thing. I wonder if he thinks he's being given birth to.

A noun. A word which refers to a person, thing, or idea. Well, that's very specific.

Not, for example, a president, table, sun, and beauty. A person, thing, or idea. OK, so let's look up dictionary.

Dictionary. Disinfectant. Dick, dick, dick, dick.

Dick, A-B, dick. OK, got it. Found it.

Dictionary. Dictionaries. Noun.

That's a noun. So it's a thing. So a noun is a thing.

An actual, I suppose it's, but then it's not a thing if it's an idea, because an idea isn't a thing, is it? Anyway, dictionary. Or dictionaries. Noun.

Ah, a book in which words are listed alphabetically and explained, or equivalent words are given in another language. And underneath that is didgeridoo. So I'm going to do that one as well.

It's a noun as well. OK, Andre's sneezing in the background. It's a didgeridoo, an Australian musical wind instrument made in the shape of a long wooden tube.

Made famous by... Now, let's listen, let's not go into that. So yeah, this is a didgeridoo. What was I going to look at next? Alphabet.

OK. Alphabet. Al, al, al, l-m-n, l-m-n, l, l-m-n, l, l, p. There's ph, isn't it? l, l, p, p, l-m-n, p, f, g. So many words.

Alphabet, alien. Let's look what that means. What do they give that? An alien.

They've even said how to pronounce it. A-li-an. Okay.

It's an adjective. Not normal to you. That's what it says.

That's number one. Not normal to you. A total alien culture.

That's the adjective. The noun is someone who is not a citizen of the country in which he or she lives. And number three.

In science fiction an alien is a creature from out of space. And there's another one. Let's have a look at this one before we go to alphabet.

Actually, I want to go to adjective. Find out what that is. Before we go there, let's look at alimony.

It's spelling it out as well. I don't think anybody that pays alimony needs to know how to pronounce it. It's telling me anyway.

Al-li-mon-ee. Al-li-mon-ee. In brackets.

Stop sneezing, regularly to their wife or husband after they are divorced. So I guess that's probably 50-50, isn't it? I imagine. With today, you know, everything being equal.

I imagine alimony is paid equally by men and by women. It's great that we've got a very equal alimony. Someone has to pay regularly to their wife or husband after they are divorced.

Right. Let's have a look at the word stupidity. Stupidity.

Oh, there's another one. Word lick. It's a verb.

If you lick something, you move your tongue over it. That's the verb. Noun.

The action of licking. So stupidity. Let's have a look at that.

Stupidity. Abortion. No, stupidity.

Stupid. S-S-S-S-S-S-T. A synod.

What's a synod? A synod. S-Y-N-O-D. Synod.

Noun. A council of church leaders which meets regularly to discuss religious and moral issues. Ah.

So stupidity. Let's have a look. S-T-S-T-U-L-M-O-R-S-T-U-V-W-X-Y-R-S-T-U.

Oh, striptease. Noun. Striptease is a form of entertainment in which someone takes off their clothes gradually to music.

This is a school dictionary. Right. So.

Stupidity. Stupidity. Stupid.

Swelling. Oh, let's have a look at that. Swelling.

Noun. An enlarged area on your body as a result of injury or illness. Not always due to injury or illness.

The swelling of something is an increase in its size. Oh, that's good to know. So.

So I'm just going to look. What am I looking for? Stupidity. I don't know why I'm looking for that now.

Stupid. It's probably just, you know, the idea of marrying somebody in the first place. No, the idea of marrying someone and then having to divorce them.

You have to pay the money forever. This isn't child maintenance. This is for them.

Which quite often child maintenance is as well, isn't it? But wow. We don't have that in England. Luckily.

Because if we did have and we do have marriage, we don't have. I forget what it's called now, but the, you know, the lifetime of maintenance after marriage. We don't have that.

Otherwise, I can't imagine many people would actually get married. Can you imagine I got married and I'd have to give half of Andre away. I'd have to give half of this table away.

It's a suck. Okay. If you suck something, you hold it in your mouth and pull at it with your cheeks and tongue, usually to get liquid out of it.

Number two, to suck something in a particular direction means to draw it there with a powerful force. Suck up verb, informal in brackets, to suck up to someone means to do things to please them in order to obtain praise or approval. I'm going to go to adjective because I can't even bother to keep looking.

Oh, armpit. Okay. Armpit noun.

The area under your arm where your arms join your shoulders. Okay. What am I looking for? Oh, ab, ab, oh, ab, ab, ab, something, isn't it? Aborigine? No.

Oh, you should use in this dictionary a noun, objective, ab, ab, ab, objective, aperture, aperture, abject. But no objective. Abjective, objective, objective.

adjective. That's weird. Adjective isn't it? It's not AB.

It's AD. What are you on about? It's AD. So abject means abjective.

Very bad. Abject failure. Abjectly.

Adverb. But then above that, just directly above that, is the word ability. Abilities noun.

The intelligence or skill needed to do something. The ability to get on with others, as an example. Abbreviate.

Verb. To abbreviate something is to make it shorter. So verb.

Let's look up verb. I hope this isn't too boring for you. Although that is the point of everything I do, is to be boring.

Boring, boring. Verb. Let's have a look that up.

So I hope you're all okay. And you know, you're having a good weekend or day or whenever you're listening to this. I've just recently turned 49 last week.

Yeah, six days ago. And at the moment And I'm in the process of transcribing my life's work so far. So I'm transcribing my audios, my podcasts.

And it's, there's two processes to it. There's the transcribing the audio to text, and then to edit the text into the correct, you know, correcting the word spelling and making that all, you know, readable. That second part is something that I've started, but then kind of put it off.

But I have transcribed lots and lots of my recordings over the week. And I made a mistake and I did 50 or probably about 40 of the wrong ones that I'd already done. So I had to, and part of the reason for that is because I had so many different pages open, I was doing different things all at the same time.

So now I'm just gonna try and stick to one thing at a time. So I'm going to transcribe them first, get them the first part of the transcribing process for quite a few of them, and then I'll start on the actual, the meaty part of the job. It's not really meaty, but you know, the actual... Wish someone else could do it for me.

I don't want to do it. So verb, okay. What? Is a verb a noun? Does that mean a noun's a verb? Okay, so it says English.

In grammar, a verb is a word that expresses actions and states, for example, be, become, take, and run. Expresses actions and states. Now be, be, just the word be, that's not an action.

It's not a state either, is it really? Become. I suppose it's a process. You become green, or you become more flexible, or you become a flowerpot, or whatever.

It's a transformational thing. Take is a physical act, isn't it? Kind of, I guess. You take something.

It doesn't have to be a physical act. I mean, you can take, let's say, the flowerpot off my head, or you can take something from the conversation that you've had, as in maybe an idea, or a memory, or a new outlook, I suppose. And run, that's definitely an action, isn't it? Run.

Hmm. So you've got a verb. Adjective.

Yes, I'm looking at adjective, because I looked, I put in the wrong word. No, it's an ad. Adjective.

Ad, ad. So I want to just, I'm just going to flick it and see if it, let's see whatever comes up next. See, I'm going to say, please, Mr. Dictionary, describe me.

See what comes. Oh, brilliant. Adjective.

A brilliant light or colour is extremely bright. Brilliant. Two, a brilliant person is extremely clever.

Three, a brilliant career is extremely successful. Brilliantly. Adverb.

Brilliance. Noun. Broaden.

Broaden. When something broadens, it becomes wider. His smile broadened.

To broaden something means to cause it to involve more things, or concern more people. We must broaden the scope of this job. And broadly, what's that? It's an adverb.

True to a large extent, or in most cases. There are broadly two schools of thought on this. Adjective.

Blubber. I like that word, blubber. Bountiful.

What does that mean? Bountiful. Adjective. Literary, in brackets.

Freely available in large amounts. A bountiful harvest. I don't know if it's got... BU.

Oh no, it doesn't have that word. So I'm just trying to think. You've got burst.

Berry. Bus. Bush.

Or bush. What does it say about bush? Noun. A thick plant with many stems.

I don't even know why that's funny. A thick plant. They're very thick.

Very thick plants with many stems branching out from ground level. And number two. In Australia and South Africa, an area of land in its natural state outside of city areas is called the bush.

Number three. In New Zealand, the bush is land covered with a rainforest. So it's going down.

Just going to go through the BU, yes. Busker. Noun.

Someone who plays music or sings for money in public places. Also needs a bath. No.

I believe I said that. Bust. Busts.

Busting. Bust or busted. Noun.

So one. A statue of someone's head and shoulders. A bust of Beethoven, as an example.

Number two. A woman's bust is her chest and her breast. That's made me all funny.

I didn't expect that. This is a school dictionary. Okay.

And verb three. Informal. If you bust something, you break it.

Okay. Well, that would be more slang. But adjective.

Informal. If a business goes bust, it becomes bankrupt and closes down. Right.

What does this say for buttocks? Plural. Noun. Not another one.

Plural. Plural does that mean two, doesn't it? Your buttocks are the part of your body that you sit on. So let's see what plural means.

Plural. Plural. Plural.

Plural noun. English. The form of a word that is used to refer to two or more people or things.

For example. The plural of chairs. No.

The plural of chair is chairs. And the plural of mouse is mouses. Oh no.

Mice. So pluralism. Pluralism.

Noun. Pluralism is the belief that it is possible for different social and religious groups to live together peacefully while keeping their own beliefs and traditions. So what was I going to look for? Plural.

Adjective. I need to go to adjective. Exotic.

Andre. I was told that Andre is an exotic pet. And I said no.

He is an exotic son. It's not a pet. He's a son.

It's my son. Exotic. Adjective.

One. Attractive or interesting through being unusual. Exotic fabrics, as an example.

No. 2. Coming from a foreign country. Exotic plants.

So look at this. Expensive. An adjective.

Something that is expensive is very wide or extends over a very large area. Here's an example. The expansive countryside.

No. 2. Someone who is expansive is friendly, open or talkative. Expansive.

I've never heard that before. Expansive. Someone who is expansive is friendly, open or talkative.

I suppose I kind of understand in a sense of would you like to expand on that? And I suppose if someone's going to expand on what they're saying, I suppose that would mean that maybe they are talkative and they're open. And I suppose in order to be open, friendliness would be one of those requisites for that particular personality trait, I guess. So let's look at the word expand.

It's a verb. If something expands or you expand it, it becomes larger in number or size. Two.

If you expand on something, which what I was referring to just a few seconds ago, if you expand on something, you give more details about it. And they've given an example here. The minister's speech expanded on the aims which he outlined last month.

So I suppose in some ways, in these recordings, I could probably be classed as expansive. I'd rather be expensive, but not expansive. So I do expand.

I do give more details that is very much more than is necessary a lot of the time. I would say I'm open and clearly rather talkative during the podcast, because I kind of have to be really, you know. And if you just listen to empty sound, nothing, be like going to a restaurant and having a, just an empty plate.

It'd be nothing like going into a restaurant, but you know what I mean, be adjective. Or expose. Let's have a look, see what they say about expose.

First, it's a verb. To expose something means to uncover it and make it visible. So it's a good thing then, isn't it? Two, to expose a person to something dangerous means to put them in a situation in which it might cause them harm.

And it says here, expose to tobacco smoke. Three, to expose a person or situation means to reveal the truth about them. Oh, here's a good one.

Exposition. It's a noun. It says English in brackets, so I don't know.

I mean, the whole book's English, but so exposition, a detailed explanation of a particular subject. And now I'm thinking of expose, but it's not in here because it's not an English word, is it? Expose, expose. Which really just means exposure, doesn't it? Exposure is the exposure of something.

Exposure is the harmful effect of the body caused by very cold weather. So I suppose I could say that I use exposition. I do give a detailed explanation of a particular subject.

Let's have a look at some of these other words. So what was I looking for? Adjective. Ad.

Bereft. What does bereft mean? Oh, OK. Bereft is an adjective, literary in brackets.

If you are bereft of something, you no longer have it. The government seems bereft of ideas, as an example. I've never heard of this before.

Bevy, b-e-v-y. Bevy's noun, a group of people, a bevy of lawyers. Barrister, add, adjective.

Ad, antelope. Ad, ad, ad, adje, adjec, adverb. OK, I've got adverb here.

So a word that adds information about a verb or a following adjective or other adverb. For example, slowly, now and here, which say how, when or where something is done. Adverb.

A word that adds information about a verb. So verb, add, adds information to the verb. Adverb.

OK. So let's have a look at the adjective. Ad, ad, ah, adj, adj, there's no adjective.

Adj, ad, j, s, ad, oh, it's back further. Adjacent. They sound a bit like Jason.

Adjective. OK. Let's have a quick drink.

There's still a little bit of carpet fur on there from when it fell on the floor. I don't like any carpet in my mouth. Adjective.

Noun. Noun. English.

A word that adds to the description given by a noun. For example, in, they live in a large white Georgian house. Large, white and Georgian are all adjectives.

So adjective. Adjective. A word that adds to the description given by a noun.

OK. See if there's any words there. So look up hypnosis.

Let's have a look. Hypnosis. H, h, what's h, i, j, k, l. OK.

h, i. I've been near the end because it's all a y, isn't it? Hip, hip, hip. Oh, it is here. Hypnosis.

And it's telling you how to spell it, which is good. Hyp, no, sys. Noun.

Hypnosis is an artificially produced state of relaxation in which the mind is very receptive to suggestion. Let's have a look at the word heal. What does it say? Heal.

Verb. If something heals, or if you heal it, it becomes healthy or normal again. My little toe has now healed since I stopped kicking the cat.

Oh, not a good example. Heavenly. Heavenly.

Adjective. Relating to heaven. A heavenly choir.

Too informal. Wonderful. His heavenly blue eyes.

What's a word? Fixation. OK. Fixation.

Noun. An extreme and obsessive interest in something. An opposite, the opposite page, and it's just jumped out at me.

Flatulence. Noun. Flatulence is the uncomfortable state of having too much gas in your stomach or intestine.

Let's have a look. L, N. It doesn't have the word. F, A, R. Far, farce, farcical, fair, far-east, farewell, far-fetched, farm, farmhouse, farmyard, fascinate, fascinating.

I'm sure there's some words missing from that. Far. It's a fantasy.

Fantasies is the noun. I thought plurals. More than one.

OK. 1. An imagined story or situation. 2. Fantasy is the activity of imagining things or the things that you imagine.

I was given an example here. She can't distinguish between fantasy and reality. 3. In books and films, fantasy is the people or situations which are created in the writer's imagination and do not reflect reality.

Talking about reality, yesterday, I didn't get to watch it because I was in bed, but it was on quite early, probably about 10.30 in the morning. The Wizard of Oz was on. And I don't know, I just like it.

Oh, let's have a look at this. Jovial. Adjective.

Cheerful and friendly. Jovially is an adverb. Joviality is the noun.

Joy. Oh, that's a different word. Jug.

Now, a container with a lip or spout used for holding or serving liquids. There's not many under the J. U-H-I-J-A-U-S-A-L-M-I-N-H-I-L-G-N-G-J-I. Oh, so you've got jingle.

Doesn't have jiggle or jiggling. Doesn't have anything like that. A joke.

Noun. Something, what is number one? Something that you say or do to make people laugh, such as a funny story. Number two.

Anything that you think is ridiculous and not worthy of respect. Example. The decision was a jerk.

Verb. Number three. If you are joking, you are teasing someone.

And, oh, it's got juggle. I wonder what other words. There's lots of words here.

I feel like I've kind of gone through most of them. There's only, phew, there's not even 600 pages. So that can't be all the words in the world, can it? So I need to get a bigger dictionary.

I'm thinking of maybe getting some encyclopedias so I can read those to you and we can enjoy, enjoy that. I wonder what this says about ferrets. Ferrets.

A-B-C-D-E-F-F-F-F-F-F-E-R. F-E-R. Ferrets.

Right. Noun. A small, fierce animal related to the weasel and kept for hunting rats and rabbits.

Notice how Andre made a funny noise just then. Basically, what he was saying is, I ain't hunting nothing for no one. If you try and force me to try and hunt things, you'll find out how fierce I really am.

He's not fierce, he's lovely. A moustache. Moustache.

It's a noun. A man's moustache is hair growing on his upper lip. There's just so many different things to read about.

Brilliant. I can't wait till the next time I get to read out that school dictionary. So thank you very much for partaking in this thing that we've just done.

And I will speak to you another time. And that's it, really. So take care.

Remember to be kind to yourself. Lots of love. Bye.