#205 Let me bore you to sleep - Jason Newland (26th August 2019)

Hello and welcome to let me bore you to sleep. Yep, yep, yep, yep, that's what it's called. Only listen to this when you can safely close your eyes.

My name is Jason Newland and today is my 49th birthday. I is 49 today. So there you are.

You can't compete with that can you? So yeah, 49. So I haven't made a recording since I think, I don't know, Friday? It's now Monday. Maybe it was Saturday, I don't know.

But I was just in the toilet. Just in the bathroom thinking, I've got to make a decision because I didn't want, I couldn't be bothered to make a recording. I kind of couldn't really be bothered, a little bit lazy, feeling a bit lazy and I thought either I'll make a recording or I'll clean the toilet.

So here I am. That was an easy decision to make. Very easy.

Yes, very easy. So I'm also in the process of transcribing some of my recordings from the Relaxation Hypnosis for Stress, Anxiety and whatever else it is, Panic Attacks, that podcast. So I've transcribed a few of those.

I found a website that does it and it's actually, it does it for free because it's aimed at producing the text for people that are hard of hearing. So it's kind of, it's not charity I don't think, but it's, you know, I guess it's a software, computer generated program. But it seems to be doing quite a good job.

I'll still need to listen to each recording to, you know, to make the corrections and everything but and that, in a sense, although tedious for me, you know, the idea of listening back to anything that I record is not, doesn't really appeal to me. Yet I may learn something from it. I did, I think, was it, when was it? A few, a couple of months back, I was in need of some relaxation and I turned my telly on and I think I went to YouTube or something like that or a podcast and I listened to one of my old relaxation sessions from years and years and years ago.

But it was a long one, lasts like an hour or something. And even though the, perhaps the quality of the sound wasn't perfect because of the quality, the audio quality is much better now, I realized the the loudness, if that's a correct term, but the volume level of how I speak is quite low but that's because of how I speak. I'm not, I'm not a loud speaker generally.

But unless I'm on a bus talking to someone on the phone then I talk very loudly indeed. That's all part of the fun. And I just, I actually felt relaxed listening to myself.

Once you get past the annoying whining voice, now you will relax, your fingers are relaxed, your toes are relaxed. Once I get past the, the, you know, that horrible sound that my voice makes, then I just relaxed, I did. And I did actually fell asleep.

And I thought, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe I'm quite good at this. And you may think, well, Drew C. J. J. You've been doing this since 2006 and, you know, it's nearly 14 years. Surely, surely, surely, surely old man, you should have sort of found out if you were any good before keeping on for so long.

Dong, ding dong. And the thing is, the thing, the thing is, listening back to yourself can be a bit weird. Now, I know a lot of people, and I've heard this quite, quite a few times.

People say, oh, I didn't realize what I sounded like when they record their voice, like for the first time. Now, I do know what I sound like. So my ears are tuned into my voice.

And I hear myself exactly the way that the recording picks me up. And I would say exactly the way that you hear me. But then that's not necessarily going to be true.

Because I'm guessing we, if we see things in a different way, we experience tastes differently. And we feel things differently, as in some people could touch a piece of material and think, oh, reminds me of home. I'm never so happy.

And another person might think, oh, no, it's like poo. You know, have a different reaction. So I'm guessing, and also you think about it with music.

Some people will like love Ed Sheeran, like love Ed Sheeran or whoever, whatever musical person. So I'm realizing that people will be listening to this in probably 50, 60 years time, and may not know who Ed Sheeran is. He had ginger hair.

And that's not all, but he, he's pretty much the most famous ginger haired man. I'm trying to think if there was any others. You got Prince Harry.

He's also got ginger hair. So he's worldwide famous. Simply Red.

Is it Peter Hucknall? Simon Hucknall? Mr. Hucknall, anyway, from Simply Red. And he's got red hair, ginger hair. Fergie.

Princess Fergie. Ferguson. Prince Andrew's wife.

She has ginger hair. And Harry has ginger hair. I wonder if Fergie is really secretly the mother of Prince Harry.

See, you didn't see that coming, did you? I wonder what other gingers are there, like famous gingers? And before anyone thinks I'm being prejudiced against gingers, I'm really not. I've had quite a few ginger girlfriends and love them. I love ginger hair.

Some people, they don't like the word ginger. It's not ginger, it's red. No, it's not red, is it really? Fiery, fiery, but not red.

Red's a different colour. You know, it's kind of the colour of my skin, it's kind of red. But especially in the sun.

And I come from a ginger family. Gingerish. I've got a... I was talking to the lady in the garage earlier about ginger hair.

And she said to me, I went in there, like I do, got some milk and a couple of bars of chocolate. Because I enjoy being fat. And she said, oh, your hair's grown quickly, hasn't it? I wanted to say, I only saw you yesterday.

I think you're being a bit exaggerated there. I think you're... But I said, well, yeah, it does. My hair grows quick.

And I was explaining that I had this conversation with a friend. And he was saying, no, hair grows the same length for everybody, generally. And I said, yeah, but my hair grows quickly.

You don't realise it grows by Christmas. And we're nearly at the end of August, so September, October, November, December. So in four months time, and my hair is pretty short still, because I shaved it to the bone about three weeks ago, my hair will be curly and long.

Not long as in down to me, to me bum. I don't want anything to cover my bum up. My best feature.

I don't know if it is. I've never seen it. I've no idea what it looks like.

So it's going to be curly. There'll be curls sticking out the side, curls at the front and curls at the back. Guaranteed, that's what my hair is going to look like by the end of the year.

Very curly, very, very curly. But, and I said to her, if you look at my beard, because I'm keeping my beard quite trimmed these days. I'm quite into grooming certain parts of my body.

I need to stress that. I'm talking about myself. I like to keep things trimmed.

And so my beard, I've got it at a length that's, it's quite short. It's still a beard, still long enough to be a beard. It's not stubble, but it's, it's short.

It's a short beard. It's nice and tidy. I like a tidy, um, not muff, um, what do you call it? A bunch of hair.

Muffle, muff, rough, scruff. That'd be scruffy, wouldn't it? A nice clean shrabble. No, not shrabble.

Um, you know, a bunch of hair. I like it to be nice and tidy for myself, I mean, on my own face. See, if I've got hair on my face, something that's hairy on my face, I like it to be tidy.

Um, it's just, you know, it's just a preference. And, and I said to the lady behind the counter at the garage, and I said, will you see my beard? See these like grey bits? And she said, she said, yeah, but I think what she wanted to say is you don't need to poke at them. They're very evident to everyone who can see you.

But she didn't say that, so that's nice. And I said to her, well, I used to have ginger. I used to have a ginger beard mixed in with brown hair.

So I had brown hair and ginger hair in my beard, as well as ginger hair at the front of my, my hair hair, on my head. And I also had ginger pubes. So I had, I've definitely kind of inherited the ginger gene from the family.

Because my Nan's brother was ginger. I never saw him being ginger because he was, I think he was bald by the time I kind of met him. And he was elderly.

But he was ginger when he was young. And two of my cousins, one distant cousin and one very close cousin. So one cousin who's my, my auntie's, yeah, who's my dad's sister's daughter's daughter.

That makes sense. So it'd be my, my auntie's granddaughter. She's ginger, like proper ginger.

And my grandmother's sister's daughter's grandchild. So that makes sense. So my, my grand, grandmother's sister, she had a daughter.

And I, I was got quite close to her and her family for a while. And her daughter had a girl who's ginger. So the ginger gene has passed through the family.

So there could be, if I had a kid and I don't, and I, I don't, I don't know if it's possible anymore. I mean, everything still works. You know, I just, really, I suppose it's kind of like, I've got an old car, you know, when you've got an old car in the, in the garage, you know, sort of in your house and you've got an old car, it's like a bit of an antique, which has some, you know, parts of me are kind of antiques now.

But you love the car. You like looking at it. You like to clean it and rub it, you know, make sure it's nice and shiny.

And occasionally I like to start it up and just test it to see if it's still, you know, work in order, still running. So, you know, everything's still in work in order. As of 20 minutes ago, no, everything's still in work in order.

But that'd be weird. Imagine having a kid at my age, 49. So even if we kind of got down to it right now, what's it now, August, September, October, November, December, January, February, March, April, May.

So May next year would be when the, my girlfriend or wife or whoever would pop it out and, well, girlfriend, because I wouldn't be married by, well, I suppose I could be married by then. It's, I quite like the idea of running off and getting married in Las Vegas or Gretna Green, you know, just somewhere where there's no one else around. Just no big party or people watching.

Just let's get married, man. Yeah, man. She would do it.

Yeah. And just let's run, let's see what time, see how much the trains are. Yeah.

Can't afford to buy you a ring though. Oh, should we wait until you can afford the ring? Yeah, I suppose. I don't know.

Do we need the ring? It's so conventional. We don't need rings. What do we need rings for? We don't need rings to prove our love.

Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh. But then May. And then by, what's it, May, June, July, August.

So I'll be 50 in August. So basically I'll be 50 years old when the child is one years old. So when it's 11, I'll be 60.

When it's 21, I'll be 70. That's not that bad really, is it? When he or she's 31, I'll be 80. When they're 41, I'll be 90.

So they'll have like 40 or 50 years with me. That's not so bad, is it really? It's doable, I suppose. Yeah.

Ah, interesting. So yeah, just the point was I could have a ginger child. That was the main point of that.

And I've dated a few ginger girls since I was, well, since I've been alive. I dated a ginger girl at school. I dated a ginger girl when I was 17 or 18, not 18.

I dated a ginger, I say dated, I was involved in a ginger girl when I was 20. I was involved in a ginger girl when I was 25. That's four.

How many other ginger girls I've been with or been involved with? I can't think. Oh yeah, it was the lady I married. No, I haven't been married.

I'm sure I've been with other ginger girls. I probably have, I just forgot. But there's been, I dated a girl that was kind of ginger.

It was more kind of a bit mixed, a bit kind of gingerish hair, if you know what I mean. More, not like bright ginger. It wasn't the kind of hair that you could ride down a dark alley, a dark road without, on your bike without lights and people would still see you.

No, it was kind of more toned down a bit, but it was definitely gingerish. What other gingers? So that's five. Oh, I fancied some ginger girls as well.

There's this, when I worked in insurance, the first job I had in insurance, there was this ginger girl. Oh man, wowsie powsie. I really liked her.

She was my friend as well, so I got on really well with her. And then when I was counselling, there was a ginger lady that I met and had a cuddle with her, but nothing else. She was, I don't know, she was a social worker or something, I'm not sure.

But she was this party that was being held. And what other ginger girl? I don't know, I'm getting stuck on this now. I always had a thing for ginger girls.

I just like them. I like anyone that's nice to me, really. There was this one ginger girl that, she used to be a waitress at a place that I was at, and she wasn't ginger, but she was.

She was ginger, but again, not bright ginger. But she liked me, but I was, I think that put me off. Not put me off her, but put me, I didn't feel very confident because she liked me.

I always seemed to feel confident when I had to put a bit of effort in. And she liked me, but I didn't, not take advantage, is not the right word, but I didn't take advantage of the opportunity to spend time with her. I do wonder about that, because I think, oh, maybe we'd still be together now.

But then I think back, I think, oh, all the stuff that I've kind of been through, or not done, but with the various kind of illness and mental health stuff, and that would have been really difficult, I'm guessing, for a partner to have dealt with it, to have put up with it. Because there was times when I just had to be really selfish and put myself before anyone else, which is a lot easier when you haven't got anybody relying on you. So I was kind of lucky not to have anyone that depended on me from that angle, I guess.

I'm going to move, I'm going to move away from gingers, just. So I've got that ginger gene, now. So I could very easily have a child that was ginger.

And I don't know how easy the adoption process is. I'm joking. Now, people get, does anyone care about hair colour anymore? I don't know.

I don't personally. I quite like Swedish, the Swedish look. It's quite weird, because I like the Swedish look, which is like really fair skinned, like proper, not see-through, but just ghost, ghosty kind of, you know, really, really fair.

And like blonde hair, like naturally blonde hair, maybe blue eyes. But then I also like, I don't know, anyone really. I like Spanish, or dark skinned girls, women.

So it's not like I'm just like one thing, I'm kind of, it's not through not being able to be fussy, because I'm really fussy. I'm way too fussy for my own looks. I really am.

I could have a girlfriend right now, if I wasn't fussy. But I just, I am. I'm really, really fussy about what I want.

And of course, personality is the most important thing. Unfortunately, unfortunately, I live in Essex, and I've not met many people that I like. Yes, I'm kidding about the Essex bit.

And it's, yeah, it's, I think what I learned years ago, when I was doing some DJ work, when I worked in clubs and stuff, I learned that because I had an inflow of females coming into the club every single night, it was no longer a novelty. And it felt nice to be able to turn away someone that was horrible, that was verbally horrible, and be able to just move on and not get involved and interact with them, instead of being desperate and kind of like thinking, well, it doesn't matter. I'll put up with anything if it means I get to hold hands.

And those kind of experiences sort of change. I think they change you. And part of me would love to be back doing that.

And having, you know, I was meeting women quite regularly, and I was quite confident, more confident than I've ever been before or since with ladies. But part of that confidence came from not being desperate, from not needing anything from them. Because I knew that the next night or the next weekend, the club would be full of women again.

It was men as well. It wasn't just, there was men there also. But it was always, you know, it wasn't just like this is your one opportunity to fall in love and be with that one person, and to have to settle with somebody that you might really find attractive, but had a personality of a, I don't know, what kind of animal's got just a horrible personality? I don't know.

I had this woman years, once she actually came in, and she said to me, it was on the door, she said, I booked a table for six people or 10 people, and I said, only six are coming. And I said, well, you booked it, we have to take the 10 seats, you've got to pay for the 10. If we manage to sell the four seats, then you'll get your money back, you know, but we're sold out, we've been turning people away all day.

And she said, and she started really being rude to me, like proper raising her voice and kind of in that zone of, do you know who I am? I said, yeah, your name's Tracy, it's on the list, you just told me who you are. And she said, oh, I want to speak to Jason, I want to speak to Jason. He's the person I spoke to on the phone.

And I said, and I said, oh, I'm afraid that's all, we can't do nothing there. She kept going on, on, on. In the end, I said, I'm Jason.

I'm the person you spoke to, because she was lying to me. She was telling me that I said stuff to her that I didn't. She said, and I used to go in on a Saturday afternoon, and I'd take the orders.

At that time, I was getting the tables organized for the club. I wasn't very good at it, really. But I'd answer the phone for a few hours in the afternoon, just for any last orders and stuff.

And she, and she's blatantly lying to me, saying that I said all this stuff. And in the end, I said, I'm Jason. And then later on in the evening, she was embarrassed, and she walked away.

I said, later on, later on in the evening, she came up to me, said, are you going to dance? Because on the phone, we were getting on really well. And she was flirting with me on the phone, and I think I was probably flirting with her. I was sort of, I don't know if I was blowing kisses, probably not, because that's not professional.

But I was, you know, we were getting on very well, like humans, very human, communicative, you know, communication-y. And when it came to the disco part, she said, which was after the comedy had finished, she said, is she going to dance with me? I said, no, no. And she stopped and said, what, are you sure? I really, after all that horrible stuff she said to me, she thought I was still going to want to dance with her.

Of course not. And I realised then that I'd become too fussy. I put personalities above looks.

And it was okay then. But as I got older, kind of got a, I don't know, things change. I tend to go to worse places to meet anyone.

It's like a religious place. I went to the Buddhist centre. I was really into Buddhism for years and years and years.

And there was so much vagueness with the communication between the men and the women, as in, I had not a clue if a woman liked me or not. Zero clue. Because it was all, let's do coffee, let's do lunch.

The men were meeting up with each other. The women were meeting up with each other. The men were meeting up with the women.

The women were meeting up with men. And everyone else was meeting up with each other as well. And I never knew.

But yet, we could never, I could never ask anyone out. Because that would be classed as being creepy. That would be classed as being, you know, in the actual, the centre.

You can't be dating people or can't be, we don't want people coming here just to meet women, which would, I wouldn't travel anywhere to meet women or to meet anyone. I'm too lazy for that. I don't think I'd even travel to the, yeah, I don't think, I'd even, wouldn't even travel to the other side of town, I don't think, to date someone.

That's why it's a bit difficult, because I need to have a girlfriend that's on this road. But there is no one here. There's no women here.

So it's a bit of a shame. But I've got no idea what the point of all this is. I think I'm going through a midlife crisis.

Possibly. Because the last couple of days I've just been sitting here. Asleep, pretty much.

Like with very, very minimum mental activity whatsoever. It's just like, just zero of anything. And that was yesterday and today.

So the day before. And Saturday a bit as well, to be honest. It's like 49.

And I just think, so what now? I'm trying to think of ways of making something for my life. Making a life. And there's part of me thinks, it was too late.

49. So you can't start now. But then I won't be starting anything, you know.

It's a continuation, isn't it? Yet perhaps moving in a different direction. And I just think, what can I do? Because after complaints and moaning and reviews online, on iTunes saying that people didn't like the adverts on my podcasts. I've taken the adverts off.

So there's no way of financing anything. Financing the cost of running this free service. The podcast costs about £30 a month.

Which isn't a huge amount, but it is going to go up when I reach a certain level of hours. So I've got, I think, 1,300 hours used out of 1,500. And then it's going to go up to probably £50 a month to increase the hours that I can use.

I think it puts it up to something like £3,000 or something. And I've been trying to think, how can I, how can I do something? Make a living doing what I'm doing. Rather than going and getting a job in a, like, you know, minimum wage job somewhere.

When I am capable of doing this. Not this, not me just talk about nothing, but you know, the hypnosis-y stuff. Why it makes sense to find a way to earn a living doing this.

Which is what I enjoy doing and what I'm passionate about. The thing that gets me out of bed. The thing that keeps me, keeps me out of bed.

You know, as far as staying up late enough to make these recordings at night. So I don't know. I've been trying to think.

And I haven't come up with anything yet. I thought, should I make everything so, you know, you have to pay for it. Which is what I've been told by other people for years to do.

So that would involve getting rid of all the podcasts. Just have my one website. And it's already built for this.

It's already, I've deleted the website, but basically I can restart it at any time. Just means paying the money. Which is another 32 pound or something a month.

And then selling each recording I have for one dollar. But then where are the, where's the audience going to come from? Because the audience, my audience comes from the podcasts. From iTunes, from Spotify, Stitcher and just loads of different places.

Lots of different places that have my podcasts on. And there's websites that actually are promoting my podcasts. And I'm even in the charts on some podcast hosts.

Some podcast charts and stuff. So if I get rid of the podcasts, then it's kind of like I just disappear. And yeah, I know that I'll get some people will come to the website and they will download some episodes.

But what would I prefer to have a few people a day downloading a podcast or thousands of people a day downloading? Downloading. And I know the answer to that. So it's just, it's a difficult one because it's a free service and I want it to be free and I want it to always be free.

And it's supposed to be free. And that's, it's not the best part of it, I hope. I hope it's not the best, the best thing about the podcasts, the popular ones I've got.

It's free. So let's just listen to this garbage for a half an hour. It's free.

Yay. But hopefully it's useful stuff. The, you know, the sleepy stuff and etc.

So, so then what, what does that leave me with? As far as ways to earn a living? So I thought I could write a book and it's not the first time. First? First. It's not the first time that I've thought about writing a book.

I've been thinking about this for many, many years. And I've started to write a few times. But I think with these recordings, I'm not a perfectionist.

Because I can always improve it next time. I kind of, there's that, that sense, especially with the, because with a podcast, with a podcast, if it's, I'm doing another recording tomorrow or the day after, you know, I think I'll be forgiven if it, if one of them's maybe not quite, doesn't quite hit the spot, then maybe the next one will. The last one was really good, the one before that was really good.

You know, maybe that one was, didn't quite do it. But the next one. But with a book, it's never going to be ready.

It's never going to be, it's, it will never be ready. It will never be completed in order to publish. Because it won't be, I'm never going to be happy with it.

And I know that. So what do I do? How do I do that then? Because I'm not a perfectionist, generally. But I'm a big fan of books.

I've read a lot of books. And I would want to produce a book that I would enjoy reading. And I don't know if I have the ability to do that, because the way I write will be the way that I speak.

And I'm not sure that that's really the right way to write a book. I don't know if that will be a particularly easy read. And I've got a few things I'd like to write about.

I'd like to write about my life, from childhood onwards. And just talk about some of the things that happened. And cover, you know, the mental illness, my love for ginger girls.

No, you know, just general things. What are the things that happened during my 49 years. I'd like to write a book about the free hypnosis service that I do, and how it came about, and the pitfalls and the things that people have said to me.

But that would be a shorter book. But just then go into what I did, and how I did it, and why I did what I did. I'd like to write a book on anxiety and panic attacks, which would be a mirror to the podcast I do, where I will talk about my experiences, plus what I did to help myself, plus ideas I have that may be useful to the reader.

I'd like to write a book on chronic pain. Some of the ideas that I've come up with over the years, just some techniques that might be useful. But then I haven't given the chronic pain sessions as much energy as I'd like to, because I don't get many listens.

And I'm not going to keep making recordings if no one listens to them. I mean, some of my recordings, podcasts, I'd say Hypnotic Buffet, some of it's some of the best stuff that I've done. I'm talking about ideas that are coming up, and just thoughts and theories and ideas about stuff.

No one listens to it. It doesn't hardly get any listens at all, which is why I don't make any more of them. So it's kind of one of those they used to, used to when I first started.

Especially on YouTube, I used to put the videos up on YouTube and I used to get quite a few views, a few views, a few views. So I've got a couple of ideas I perhaps would like to maybe do a course or courses that are accompanied by a book. And although I could do an e-book, and e-books are relatively easy to do and cheaper to produce than actual books and publishing an actual live, something you can hold in your hand, book, I'd like to offer both.

Because the idea of having an actual book that I've written, that I've published, that I can hold up and just touch and look at is, I don't know, it'd be, it would be a dream come true. As long as it's decent, I don't want to publish a pile of crap, you know. I want it to be like really useful to the reader.

That's what I'd like. So transcribing recordings that I've made could possibly give me some material which I could put together to make a book. And kind of go from there, possibly.

Yeah, so that's what kind of what I'm thinking about. There's no quick solution. There's no, I don't even know if people, do people buy books anymore? Would anyone want to buy a book from me if I wrote a book? Yeah, I'd like to do it.

I'd like to write a comedy. I think, I think I need, I might need someone to bounce off of when it came to something like that. I mean, in some ways, when I talk, when I do these, these recordings, I almost feel like I'm bouncing off of you.

Even though we wouldn't want to be bouncing off of you because of my big bouncy belly, big, big bouncy belly. And it does feel a little bit like I'm, I'm tossing, I've got a tennis ball, I'm tossing it off over to you. And you're kind of, you're tossing one off to me.

We're kind of, you know, chucking the ball to each other. So bouncing off of each other, it's kind of, yeah, it kind of feels a little bit like that. So I reckon, I thought about calling my book about myself, The Life of a Bipolar Hypnotist, after my blog that I used to have.

I used to do a podcast as well and make videos, just talking about my life. But I stopped doing that years ago. So yeah, we'll see, see what happens.

If you've got any suggestions, then let me know. And thank you for birthday wishes, for those of you that have sent birthday wishes to me. I should have said that at the beginning, shouldn't I? 49 years old today, or yesterday, when you start listening to this, because it was Monday, the 26th of August.

So you might now be in Tuesday or Saturday, if you're listening to this on Saturday. So, and also, if you want to, if you want to, you can subscribe or like the, is it subscribe or like or whatever, the podcast, which means you can be notified when there's a new one coming. So I'm going to go.

Thank you for listening to me. And I will see you again very soon. And remember to be kind to yourself.

Lots of love. Bye.