#194 Let me bore you to sleep - Jason Newland (11th August 2019)

Hello and welcome to LetMeBullYouToSleep.com My name is Jason Newland. This is Let Me Bore You To Sleep. Please only listen to this wonderful experience when you can safely close your eyes.

It's been a bit of a weird sleep for me because I've just been up for about an hour and as you may know that I generally sleep during the day and make recordings at night. Well, there are two things I should say. Don't go to sleep on a full stomach.

It's last night, early hours and I don't normally do this. I don't know what was going through my head but about five o'clock I cooked some chips or potato, you know, fries, chips, whatever you in the oven and had a bit of pizza. So I chomped that down expecting to stay awake for, you know, a few more hours but I felt so tired.

By about six o'clock I just had to go to sleep. I had to go to bed. I was so tired and yeah it was uncomfortable because I guess my stomach wasn't full as far as I didn't eat a lot and it probably was fairly digested by that time maybe but just yeah, it wasn't a comfortable experience and then since, well, I got woken up which happens to happens to happen fairly regular during the day by banging.

All I can say it sounds, it sounded like someone hitting a brick, kind of like bashing a brick, you know, like if you see someone bricklaying and they're tapping the brick, maybe breaking the bricks and that kind of bit like constant, you know, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang and then not bang, bang because that's not the sound of a brick is it but brick, brick, brick, brick, brick maybe that's better. You might be able to hear it in the background, it's still going on now and that was at 11 because I looked at my clock, my watch and my phone.

The thing with the numbers on which move slowly every 60 seconds and it's now 3. 40 so that's been going on for what four or five hours and I did go back to sleep but I think I was incorporating it into my sleep and it's terrible but I really kind of nearly went out there.

I nearly had that because when I was younger I used to be, I'd have been out there sort of letting them know that I didn't appreciate their noise but of course I don't use the word noise anymore, I use the word sound because I'm so perfect so and it was kind of surprised me because I'm usually quite good these days. There was some, I think it was because it kept going on and on, it wasn't just like a bit of noise and then some quiet, it's just been constant for five hours.

It almost sounds like building work's being done and I can't go over there, I can't, I can't see what's going on over the fence from here and I can't put my head over the fence, obviously lift my head up off my shoulders, I'm not Wurzel Gummidge but I can't, you know, that would be a bit rude and I can't go around because I don't, you know, it's not my home so I just have to kind of sit with it.

So I think that's a fairly, maybe it's an important lesson or a useful exercise for me because generally I'm okay, you know, even when it's, we have the counsellor come round cutting the lawn, you know, it's loud, you know, it's loud, it's a loud sound, those tremors and all that stuff but, you know, logic does enter my head, it's like well I'm choosing to sleep during the day, I don't have to, most people sleep at night, I'm in no position to complain to anybody if they're making noise during the day, so generally I kind of

accept it, I was like okay and I just go back to sleep, quite often I can sleep through pretty much anything and even that, today I slept through it but it just kept, I woke up a couple of times and I think I woke up probably, yeah, probably three times and kind of caught me off guard a little bit and, you know, I suppose just being human isn't it, just being a human being, I think it's natural sometimes and I think even the calmest, calmest, most placid people in the world will occasionally get angry and

I'm not the calmest, most placid person in the world, so I think I'm doing all right and I didn't go out, start shouting or anything, it's not really me but kind of, well, maybe used to be a little bit when I was younger, yeah, I've never been a big fan of, I don't know, noisy neighbours, see, I suppose, because when I do the hypnosis sessions and stuff with for sleep, I do try to, and I've done it myself, I've tried to change the word from noise to sound, you know, to take the emotional aspect out

of it, take the hostility out, the anger, you know, but and I thought I'd record this while the banging is going on outside and I've got all the windows closed, so it is the quietest it could be, although I do need the windows open because it's summer, plus I like to have the windows open, like to have air coming in all year round, really, I do wonder if maybe it's just somebody just sitting there just banging something and they're not doing anything at all, I don't know, maybe they're really bored, if it happened all the

time, yeah, I'd probably, it would be a different situation, but it's not, it's just a, it's a temporary, temporary thing, I hope, but you never know when you, when you squash people together in a, not squashed, but you know, when you have people living fairly close, in a close environment, then I suppose there's a degree of people wanting to create their own space, because over there there's, what is it, one, two, three, I think there's about 12, 12 flats, 12 apartments or whatever, six downstairs, six upstairs, and they've all, I think it's the downstairs, have

access to a little bit of grass, a little bit of garden, like it's tight, it's a very, just like a little strip of, a strip of garden, some of them put a shed up, you know, a washing line, you know, that kind of stuff, someone's built like a little garden, there was an elderly man out there when I first moved here and he had like a proper garden going on, but he was on the end, so he had a bit of a bigger space, a bit more space because of the way the fencing was organised,

but I just, I can kind of understand it, but I do sometimes feel like shouting out the window, it's not a real garden, and then just hiding, which would be a little bit childish possibly, mildly, mildly childish, so that's kind of been what I've enjoyed today so far, so I'm kind of still working on stuff, I didn't make any recordings last night, or, you know, if I went to sleep, because I was busy doing stuff online, and I don't know, the evening, at one point, at one point I was going to do something, and then

I had to, you know, Andre became very lively, and started, you know, so I kind of, I can't do anything here until he calms down, I don't think I did, did I do anything yesterday, no I didn't, I mean today, I did stuff yesterday, I made four recordings yesterday, but today this is the first, the thirsty one that I've done, and I'll probably do a couple of others maybe before the end of the day, but I haven't had any any coke today yet, so a can of coke, I haven't had one, I'm drinking a coffee

at the moment, it's a little bit, it's a bit cold now, but I've got some, is it Claydondale, Cravendale milk, because if you ever have, and I had this the other day, I got, I got up, and it was, I don't know, it was a very late, it was a late, a late up, so I woke up quite late, went into the kitchen, and put the kettle on, put some, yeah, put some coffee in a cup, some, you know, instant, because I don't buy the one that takes, you know, it takes a while, this one

does, coffee, don't buy that label, that brand, and poured the water in, I'm not sure if I put the sugar in or not, sometimes I don't put the sugar in until afterwards, until after I put the milk in, but I did put the milk in after the coffee, but then I suppose most people would do, don't they, unless you've got a coffee pot with coffee in it, then maybe you could put the milk in first, I don't know, anyway, I went to pour the milk into the coffee, and it was just lumpy, it was, it's

like a giant sea cull, I just done a big poo in there, it was that kind of, really, so I just got rid of that, so I couldn't have any breakfast, because I didn't have any, didn't have any milk for the cereal, that's what I thought, I know what I'll do, I'll have a sandwich, I'll have a sandwich, because I had something in the fridge I could eat with the sandwich, so I pulled the bread out of the cupboard that I'd bought a couple of days earlier, put it onto the, onto the plate, I decided,

I'm not sure if I used a small plate or a large plate, because sometimes when I only make one sandwich, I'll only use a small plate, and when I make maybe two sandwiches, I'll use a, you know, a big plate, like a dinner, dinner plate, something that you'd have your dinner on, or your lunch, I mean, or your breakfast even, if you was having a fried breakfast, or a cooked breakfast, or a steamed breakfast, or microwaved breakfast, or a grilled breakfast, you know, it's, if you was going to do that, but so, but we do

call them dinner plates, I do believe, not luncheon plates, or breakfast plates, or what's that other, brunch, brunch plates, or supper plates, you know, when I was in Ireland, living with André, André, the original André, and his parents, I couldn't believe that they, wait a minute, André, was André living there as well?

Yeah, I think he was, I know that I was living there, and something that I've never done before, never experienced before, was supper. So we had dinner, like, you know, evening meal, at probably half six, yeah, André was there, because I remember I was, we used to watch The Simpsons on TV, and we'd have a good laugh, and junior adverts would tickle each other. So it was very, it was great times, and we'd have the evening meal, about 6. 30, and it was whatever, because his mum was a really good cook, and just, you know, they really, it was a traditional, just a tradition, they just ate well, really ate well.

And I remember the first day I was there, not the first night, because the first night I arrived by boat, by ferry, and because, yeah, I got, yeah, it's Dublin, isn't it? So I went to Dublin by ferry from, from, I think it was Wales, I think it was Holyhead, in Wales, and I remember that journey, actually, because it was a long journey, long, long, long journey, from London to Wales is quite a distance, especially by road, on a coach, by train it's a lot shorter, but by, and it's still a lot fairly, it's still a fair distance, but by, by coach, it's a bit longer.

And I remember I got the, so I got the train, and I left, I probably got the train at Forest Gate train station, led me to, yeah, I had to get to Victoria, I think, I think Victoria bus station was where I had to go to, to get the coach, I think. So I went to, I needed to get to the Victoria line, so I'm not sure how I got there, possibly went to Oxford Circus, and then, is there a Victoria line from Oxford Circus? But it's fairly easy, I mean, using a tube service, you know, with the tube maps, it's, it's kind of user friendly, it really is, I mean, for pretty much anyone, I'd say, it's because it's colour coordinated.

So if I say the red, the central line is red, and the, what colours are they? Central colour's red, the, the northern line is, is it black or brown? One of them. The Jubilee line is blue, I think. And the circle line is yellow, but there's a yellow and green, so there's a central line, oh, the circle line, but there's another line, so maybe it is yellow and green.

It's a bit like wiring a plug, but nothing like wiring a plug. So what other lines is there? There's the Piccadilly line. I think that's, is that purple? There's the Victoria line.

That's blue, but it's a lighter blue. That's a light blue. The Piccadilly line is a darker blue, I think.

The, the, what other ones are there? I'm trying to think, what other ones? I can't remember. Green, it's got to be a green line, I think it's got to be green. Look at the colours, what have we got? Brown, there's yellow, there's blue, green, pink? I don't think there's, there might be a pink line, but I'm not sure.

Red, of course, central, which is the biggest, it's like from one end to the other, really. I mean, the central line, it goes from Ealing all the way through London to the, the, is it Hainault? I don't know, it basically goes from one end all the way through London. And there's, I don't know how many stops there are, it's like 26? But I might be getting muddled up between the central line and the alphabet.

Sometimes happens. So what other things? Yeah, so, I went to Victoria bus station. I had to go to the train station first, like the overground, well, I went underground first, then overground, which is the beginning of the very famous Wombles song.

Underground, overground, Wombles are we? The Wombles of Wimbledon, Wombles are we? Something like that. And so I have a memory of walking up from the underground. But I don't know if it's, that memory's attached to going to Ireland, because it might not be.

So I went there, it's as if the person knows that I'm making a recording. They're just doing, they're making it louder. It's almost like he's got a little, what are those things? You know, the, those tannoy systems that you, you speak into, and they magnify your voice.

Maybe he's got one of those, and he's just holding it in front of the, the prick that he's bashing, which would be weird. I'll tell you something though, when I go down there later, I want to see a house built, because if there's nothing, if it's just like a tiny little wall, or a little rockery, or, you know, anything less than a bungalow, would be disappointing. After all that disruption.

Doesn't have to be a big bungalow. Is there such thing as a big bungalow? I don't know. But you know, it's, it's, I mean, clearly has to fit into the, the garden.

There isn't a real garden. Just a patch of land. Tiny, tiny little bit of land.

So I got to Victoria Street, or Victoria Bus Station. And it's only a short walk from the train station. And I quite like the big train stations, such as Kings Cross, Euston, Victoria.

Liverpool Street isn't really a novelty to me, because I've been in there thousands of times. It's just, it's, you know, it's, I know Liverpool Street Station. Just, it's just, I've been there so, so many times, since, you know, I was young.

There's not, doesn't really hold any, anything with me anymore. I've kind of, I've got a bit of a callous, a callous in my mind for Liverpool Street Station. I'm just used to it.

But I quite like the other stations, because they're old. Well, they're all old. All the train stations, you know, the big train stations are quite old.

And most of them, I think, have been refurbished, you know, made nice and stuff. I'm sure Kings Cross had a huge refurbishment a few years back. And I never really spent much time at Kings Cross, because it used to be famous for, more for what happened outside the train station than what happened inside.

But I didn't really go there at night. I think I did a couple of times, you know, because I was getting a train back and I needed to get a bus or something like that. That's my excuse I'm going to give for wandering around in the streets at night.

But the what is it? I quite like the the old setup, like the big, high, huge ceilings, I mean, massive ceilings. Now they might have changed, but I don't know, but huge. And there's that smell.

And I think some of the smell is still there from the past. It might seem a bit weird, but if you have a building and it seems to retain a smell. So, you know, imagine in a hundred years time, someone would be sitting here, thinking, I can still smell a bloody ferret.

Why can I smell a ferret? I don't know dear, there's no ferret here. But I can smell a ferret. Why do you keep talking about it? You can clearly see there's no ferret.

But I can smell a ferret. So did you used to own a ferret? Did you when you was younger? No. Well, how do you know what a ferret smells like? That's not the point.

What is the point? Well, I'm kind of part of a mildly amusing joke. I don't really, I don't actually exist. Neither do you.

Oh, okay. Okay. Okay.

So I went to Victoria bus station, got there. And I had, what did I have? Oh, yeah. I had this.

It's like a kit bag. No, it wasn't like a kit bag. It was a kit bag.

And it was a bit like what you would have in the army. And it's a big, big bag, big, long, sausage shaped. And I put in, I took too much stuff to be fair.

But in my mind, I was going to go and live there forever. But didn't kind of work out that way. I ended up coming back after about five weeks.

But, so I had all this stuff in the bag, but not just my clothes, but all of my, yeah, all of my diaries that I'd kept, my writings that I had. So I used to keep journals from 1988. Or was it 89? Something like that.

1989 onwards. So this was 1994. So it's five years worth of journaling.

And I had materials, stories, all kinds of stuff in there. So I had a big pile of pads. So I brought them with me to Ireland.

I wasn't going to leave them. So this bag was heavy. I mean, proper, proper heavy.

And when I actually got into Ireland, when I arrived off the ferry in Dublin, they pulled me out. The customs stopped me and took me into a little room and started interrogating me, which is weird considering Ireland is, you know, we're basically related to Ireland here. And they said, what's in the bag? What's in the bag? And I said, well, why don't you have a look? It's just there.

Why don't you ask it? And I said, it's just my stuff. And they seemed like really, just like worried about me. And I didn't understand it really.

I didn't even have long hair anymore. And perhaps I'd heard about my farting. Andre, Andre keeps doing that.

So I just thought, oh, so I said, well, and they said, well, open the bag. Like they didn't want to open it themselves. I said, okay.

And I said, what's in it? I said, just my pads and my pants. Pants and pads, the two Ps. And they, they seemed confused, right? Because I took the stuff out, had to put on a table and they were looking at the books, the pads, like, what's this rubbish? It's not rubbish.

It's my journals. Why are you bringing that? Because I'm coming to Ireland to live in Ireland, which is allowed. There's no laws being broken there.

Plus my grandmother was Irish. So I think, you know, I've got Irish descent. And in the end they just said, oh, okay.

And let me go. And they, yeah, they phoned, they phoned up. And yeah, because I only had a provisional passport, like a, it wasn't a proper passport.

It was a, I don't know what you call it. You used to be able to get a passport just to go abroad, like, you know, just temporarily or whatever. Anyway, I went, I went and they let me through after phoning up somebody to confirm who I was.

I don't know who it was they phoned. I forget. And I got in, I got into the, I got off at Dublin and I got outside and my friend was there with his mum, I think.

They were in a van and I think they'd got a friend to drive because it was a bit of a distance between from, where was it? Dublin and Carlo, which is where I was going. And I got there and I think his mum on the way, said she would get, get some chips. I said, I don't want chips.

I didn't come to Ireland to eat chips. She said, what do you mean? I said, exactly that. I didn't come to Ireland to eat chips.

I said, you're just obsessed with potatoes, aren't you? She said, no, but they are. They are. So, um, I think the very first night I stayed there, I didn't stay at his, Andre's parents' house because I don't even know why really, but we stayed at his sister's house and me and Andre ended up staying, sleeping in a bed.

I think we'd gone to the pub as well because that was obligatory. I think there was a rule in that town that you, you weren't allowed to go to bed until you had at least, at least six pints of lager or something. And then I thought, oh, I've moved from London.

Now I'm sleeping in a bed with a smelly man. It wasn't really, that wasn't really the life choice that I thought I was making because Andre's feet stunk. Seriously, he, when I first went around his house, because I kind of, I met him at work and I went around his house and he was living with his sister.

And this is like 90, 92, 1992. And I went round there and he, he walked in and his sister shouted at him, leave your shoes outside. So he took his shoes off and I just went in with my shoes on, which annoyed her, but I didn't care because I wasn't going to take my shoes off.

And then she shouted again, end your socks. So his socks were so pungent that it actually attracted skunks. We went out there and there was a skunk making love to one of his socks.

So it was, yeah, I didn't expect to be in a bed with, with stinky feet. And then we went and went to his house the next day. And from then on, I had my own bedroom, thankfully.

It was cold. It was a cold, cold, it wasn't so much, it was a cold house. It was just cold at night.

And it was like old fashioned, proper bedding to keep you warm because it was cold. And it wasn't even late in the year. It was what September, probably, maybe October.

No, September. No, August or something like that. So it's still, it was kind of the end of the summer and I can't believe it.

I get up, have a cooked breakfast, have a lunch, have an evening meal. And then about nine o'clock, supper, which would be more food, more cooked food. It's like, wow.

Are you enjoying the background sound as much as me? All day. There'd better be a tower block out there. There'd be like the biggest building ever made.

Wouldn't surprise me if it's just someone sitting in a chair, just literally just banging a brick with a, with a trowel. Just sitting there doing that all day. That wouldn't surprise me, really.

So, oh, it's still going. What was I going to say? The, yeah, so that was, that was a surprise. And I remember saying to Andre's mum, I'll miss, I'll miss my books.

And she said, oh, we've got books here. And they did, they had books. But I think for, for non-book readers or people that aren't really, aren't really into books, I don't think they always realise that actually reading books isn't just about it being a book.

It's about reading something that you're interested in. And with a wide library, you know, with a, not wide, but a wide selection of different books, I might find something that's interesting, but I suppose it would depend. But in, I think there was one, I think it was, was it Huckleberry Finn or Oliver Twist? Oliver Twist.

Might have been, I don't know. There's a lady on the news right now. Her top is too pink.

You know that level of pinkness, which is just too, it was partially hurting my eyes, how pink it is. I like pink, but I think I like a lower level of pink, more gentle, more pastel-y. I like pastel colours, because pastel really just, it's like a, like a dusty version, isn't it? Of a colour, like a chalky, like chalk on a blackboard when you was at school, if you're over the age of 40 or 50.

I don't know. It depends. I don't know when they stopped using the blackboards and started using the whiteboards.

Because for those that don't know what a blackboard is, it's, how to explain it? It's basically this board, and you know, I'm just about to say that it's black. You knew that, didn't you? Obviously. But you people, like the teachers, would use chalk to write on it.

And they had a, was it called a rubber? Or was it called an eraser? Or was it called a duster? I don't know. But they had this thing which was made of wood, big, quite a big thing that could fit into your hand. You get your hand around it nicely and not all the way around.

But you get a good grip. And on the, on the bottom of it, it had like felt or some kind of material, which is quite vague, isn't it? Which would wipe off the chalk. So when I was at school, I'm pretty sure it's all blackboards.

But it might not have been. That's the honest truth. I'm not 100% that it always was blackboards.

There might have been some whiteboards. There definitely was when I went to university. It was all whiteboards.

There wasn't, I don't think one, there wasn't one blackboard there. I looked around, couldn't see one blackboard, just whiteboards everywhere. Not one black board at all.

I was like, oh, because then I think, what about all the chalk? What did they do with that? Because you used to be able to get packs of chalk, a little bit like crayons. Is it Crayola to make crayons? But they were chalk. So you'd have a white chalk, a yellow chalk, a blue chalk, a green chalk, and possibly a brown chalk.

I don't recall there being a red chalk, but there might have been. If there was, I possibly would have used that, because that sounds incredible. I don't know why, just a red chalk.

I can actually feel myself getting excited thinking about it. Can you imagine that? A chalk that's red. That, that is an impressive thing.

But when I was at university, we had whiteboards, and one of the good little things you can do, if you want to have a bit of fun, is swap the pen over for a permanent marker. So the teacher's writing something on there, and then they go on to like a different subject, go to wipe it off, and it doesn't, it doesn't go off. Yeah, it's fun.

Or what you can do with the permanent marker is write something a bit naughty. It could be anything. Teacher's got big boobies or something, whatever.

And I remember I wrote down that. Teacher's got big boobies. And the teacher saying, Jason.

I said, yes. I said, he said, I said, yes, Mr. Smith. He said, why did you write that in a permanent marker? Sorry, but I can't wipe it off.

Why? First of all, I'm a man, and I know I need to lose a little bit of weight, but, and yeah, I do wear a bra, but what's that? Why, why are you writing down that I've got big boobies? That's just a bit, that's very rude. I said, it wasn't me. He said, I can see you doing it.

So what do you mean? He said to me, well, you're there. You're doing it now. You're actually writing it.

As I speak to you. I said, oh, I forgot. What do you mean you forgot? I forgot that I wasn't invisible, which is a pretty good excuse because people find it hard to argue with it.

Sorry, I forgot I wasn't invisible because it kind of confuses people. Like, what are you on about? Just like if you fart. So let's say you're on a date.

Let's say you're on a first date, which is a time when I know a lot of people try and be on their best behavior. Not this one, but you know, not me, but I know a lot of people would. That's when I play up the most.

I'm like, I'm like a little child. That's when I play up. First date is the idea that I've got to behave myself.

That's, that's when I don't. So if you do let off a fart during the first date, an excuse you can make is, sorry, I forgot you were there. Now that might not sound, might sound very nice, but it's, it's funny.

I actually did go on a date with someone once, and we went, she wanted to go into a shop to buy some light bulbs. It was, it was a first class date and very exciting. So I went into this store with her and I left her to get on with the light bulbs because I don't like anyone enough to spend time looking at light bulbs with them.

And so I wandered over to look at the, you know, the computer stuff. And then I just thought I'd look around. It wasn't anything I wanted.

So I just sort of left the shop and started to walk home. I'd forgotten all about her, literally forgotten all about her. And she came out of the shops, sort of shouted my name.

I said, oh, sorry, I forgot you, forgot you were there. She didn't seem to be very happy about it. And it's not really, it wasn't really like a bad thing.

It's just, I'm used to being on my own. I'm used to doing things on my own. And I just forget that other people exist.

There are other people there as well. But I'm going to leave you on that. I'm going to go and I'm going to wish you a wonderful evening.

Isn't it really, now that I've stopped the recording, the little brick banger has stopped. I must stop banging the brick now. I'm going to go indoors and turn a tap on and watch the water for a few hours.

So I think that's probably what they're going to do. And when I've done that, I'm going to, I'm going to put a sock on my hand and go into my bedroom. Why are you going to do that? Because I'm a private puppeteer.

Oh, okay. Well, I thought you were about to. Okay.

Fair enough. What did you think I was going to do? Nothing. Nothing.

Honestly. Nothing. Um, where's your brick? Well, it's in my pants.

No, I said brick. Brick. That's in what you were bashing earlier.

Yeah, it's in my pants. No brick. Oh yeah, it's in the garden.

I left it there. I put it somewhere safe so that it will be there for me tomorrow. Where did you leave it? Oh, I can't remember.

Okay. Anyway, I'll see you later. Have a wonderful evening, day, morning.

Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Beedlybob.