#177 Let me bore you to sleep - Jason Newland (10th July 2019)

Hello and welcome to jasonnewland.com My name is Jason Newland. This is Let Me Bore You to Sleep. Please only listen to this when you can safely close your eyes.

So, just in case you fall asleep. Because it's a sleep session. It might be sleepy.

Might make you sleepy-ish. So tonight, this morning, tonight, I don't know what time it is, what is it? It's one minute to one in the morning on today, which is Wednesday the 10th of July, I think. It's like 2.19 and I went to the garage to get myself four cans of coke and I went there, I took Andre with me.

I was a little bit concerned that the bag that Andre's got is a little bit no good. A little bit rubbishy. In a sense of, I'm sorry, I shouldn't watch television when I do these.

I've got the television, the reason, I'm not watching television because I'm not concentrating on what I'm saying. Although I'm not really concentrating on what I'm saying. But I can't turn the telly off because it starts making clicking sounds.

So I try and kind of leave it on mute, therefore I don't get any, you know, less background sound. But usually once I start making a recording, Andre pops up for some reason. It's like an unwelcome Woody on a bus.

And so, ooh, there's a film called Fight, there's a TV show called Fight Camera Action. It's just people that have filmed, like, stuff that's happened. And there was this, that's why I laughed, because there was this video and it showed a bloke standing on a train.

There was a lady in front of him and he basically, it's like you could kind of guess straight away what he was going to do. And his hand went forward and his hand went into her handbag. So he was trying to pickpocket her.

And she looked around and I don't know what she said to him because there's no sound. But she clearly had a go at him, but then you could see that he started shouting at her. Like he was having a go at her for catching him, trying to steal her stuff.

And he pushed her, or whatever, and then she did some kung fu on him and chucked him all over the place. So it was, didn't describe it very well, but it's okay. So, what was I going to say? Oh yeah, went to the garage.

So his bag, I need to buy him a new bag because he's worn the one out that I've got for him. He sleeps in it and it's fine for that and I'll leave it here for him to sleep in. And then I need to get another one to take him out in.

Because the zip's broke and it's quite difficult. Sometimes it gets jammed because it's just worn out. But luckily I managed to close it and open it so I thought I'll be alright.

So I walk him to the garage, or he walks with me to the garage. I get there, no Coke. They had every single version of Coke except just standard Coke.

There was Coke Zero, which is seriously disgusting. They got Diet Coke, which I don't eat anything with the word diet in it. Not that drinking Coke would be eating, but maybe I do eat it.

Maybe I do, maybe I put it into a tub and just leave it in the garden until it turns into some kind of squashy, mouldy foam and I eat that. You don't know, you don't know me, but I don't. And they had Cherry Coke, which I didn't realise they even made anymore.

And what other ones? I'm sure there was another one. But the Cherry Coke looks exactly the same as ordinary Coke. The label, everything.

It's just one says original and one says cherry. So I've actually bought a bottle of Cherry Coke in the past from another shop. This was when I was in town.

I got off the bus, turned right and yeah, the shop was on the left. And I bought, and I just bought it. And I realised it was cherry.

Now I'm not prejudiced against cherries. Don't get me wrong, some of my best friends are cherries. But I just, I just, it's not right.

But I like cherry yoghurts. I like strawberry yoghurts, I like peach yoghurts. But I don't want peach Coke or strawberry Coke.

I just like Coke. An ordinary Coca-Cola original recipe or whatever. Original flavour, it's not the original recipe otherwise I'd really like it.

But, you know, as far as I'm aware it hasn't really changed since I was a kid. And I've always liked Coke. I drink a bit more now than I ever used to.

That's a recent thing. I never used to drink a lot of Coke. It used to be more of a little treat, you know.

So I went into the shop, I went into the garage. And I said, have you not got any Coke? And they didn't even have the big bottles. Didn't have any cans.

So they normally send cans of four. And it varies from like £2, £2.50 to £3.70. You know, they just change the prices. And they didn't have any then.

They didn't have a big bottle of Coke. And then they didn't have any of the smaller bottles. And then I thought, you know what? I just wanted something a bit sweet.

Something just a bit, mmm, you know, yummy yum, yum yum yum. I thought, I know what I'll do. I'll get myself a Mars drink.

Did they have them? Did they? No, they didn't. They didn't have them. I was like, what? And the lady that was working there, she was really lovely and very friendly.

She said, well, apparently, you know, they're getting a delivery tomorrow. I said, that doesn't help me. She said, oh, yeah, the last few days, we had the biggest, sold the most amount of drinks we've ever sold ever.

And I said, well, that's, again, that's lovely, but it doesn't help me. You know, it's nice to hear these things. And I wish your boss all the happiness that he can experience.

And I hope that he's celebrating, but he doesn't give me my Cokes. And I didn't know what to do. I thought, I've got to walk all the way up to the shops, which is, I don't know, three miles or something.

I couldn't be bothered. So what I did is, is it three miles? I might be exaggerating, but that's a hundred miles. It takes 17 days to get there.

So I thought, meh. So I did something that I haven't done for a long, long, long, long time. Nothing weird, don't worry.

I was going to say, something I haven't done for a long time. I held hands with a lady. That hasn't happened for a long time.

No, I haven't. I thought, you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to get some drinks, you know, some alcohol. So I did.

I bought four cans of Foster. Is it Foster or Foster's? Foster's. Lager.

And I haven't bought lager for myself for probably over a year. Probably more, more than a year. Perhaps a year and a half, two years even.

I don't know. I just don't drink alcohol anymore. Don't really like it.

And so far, I bought these at, yeah, I must have gone there at nine o'clock. And it's now, what, one o'clock. So it's that 10, 11, 12, 1, 4 hours.

And I'm about a quarter of the way through the second can. I didn't even want to say that. The first can wasn't even empty.

There's still a little bit, but it was so warm that I decided to get myself another tinny from the fridge because it was killed. And that's what I did. And I don't think it's really having any kind of a major effect, you know.

I think I'd still prefer just to have a can of Coke. Although I'm probably a bit more tired than I usually am. So maybe, maybe tomorrow I'll treat myself to some cans of Coke.

Just as a little treat. Is it a treat when you do something that you do all the time? I don't know. It's quite weird watching television when the volume is down.

Let's have a look, see what's on. I'll tell you what a good channel to watch without the volume. Okay, let's just go back through the channels and see.

So BBC1, there's the news. So there's no point in watching that. BBC2, who should get to stay in the UK? Okay.

Following the story of Duar, an Egyptian citizen who, upon arrival in Manchester with her husband, discovered she had the wrong visa and was detained. Okay. Next one, ITV.

Cycling Tour de France. Highlights. So here we go, I'll give you the highlights, I'll tell you what's happening.

There's people on bicycles and they're cycling. They're still cycling. There's quite a few bikes and they're still cycling.

Some of them are at the front. And the ones at the back don't really look like they're putting much effort in. They're 2.0. They're still cycling.

Now they've gone under a bypass, like a bridge. So you didn't get to see them for a while. So I was wondering if they were okay, what they were doing.

Maybe they'd stopped for a coffee and a donut, but no. Yeah, they're still cycling. So there's 2.1 kilometres left and they're going past some trees.

And there's a few people on a roundabout watching. They look like they might be clapping but I can't see their hands because it's like an aerial view. Oh, now there's a close-up view.

And there's a child with a spotted hat. And it looks like the aerial view would possibly be the... Because there's a motorbike ahead of them, probably with a camera. But some of them might have cameras on the back of their helmets, which is filming each other, maybe.

And they're looking around like one of them's farted. Like, who is it? Was it you? No, it wasn't me. Was it you? No.

They're still pedalling. And the man with the green helmet is... Well, I don't know if it's a man or a woman. He's in the front.

And he's really bent over like maybe osteoporosis or something. I don't know. Oh, there's one there.

He's really, really pedalling hard but he's still only fifth. But he's giving it all. I think he should get a medal for that.

He's really putting a lot of energy in. And now they look like they're actually touching each other's bums with their helmets. They're really close.

Really, like, very close to each other. Then there's the cyclists at the back as they all pull into the... They kind of get to the ending line. There's a cyclist at the back who just... It's as if they didn't really care.

But the one that just won, I think he's got someone there. He's massaging his back and he's, are you okay? And it's like, well, he put it on himself, didn't he? He wouldn't be so out of breath if he'd have just stayed at home watching it on telly. I wonder what they do when they need a toilet.

I always thought it'd be really funny because, you know, when the one that gets through the end, they win. They always put their hands up. I thought it'd be funny if they, like, fell off their bike.

Because he, oh, it's the man and he's got a blue, blue top. And he's put his hands out. And it looked like his hands just missed the rider next to him.

He's got another, another cyclist just gave him a hug. Oh, slow motion. That's a good thing about cyclists because you don't really need slow motion for a cyclist, do you? Like, they're not going that fast.

You know, you've got to show it back. It just looks just a little bit slower than before. Ilya Viviani was the one.

Oh, this. Oh, OK. Egan Bernal, five hours and nine minutes and 20 seconds.

Geraint Thomas was the seventh overall. So he's talking now. Geraint, is that a French name? Because I know it's in France, but you don't have to be French to compete, I don't think.

I think it's amazing, really, because cycling is really just for little kids, isn't it? Before they can afford to, you know, legally drive a car. He's adults. They're adults riding bikes.

Wow. I wonder if at the weekend he played Tiddlywinks. Maybe play with the action man.

Some Lego and stuff. You know, other stuff that kids do. I don't know him, but he looks like he has tantrums.

I can imagine him in a shopping center or in a supermarket. Just laying on the floor and, you know, punching the ground and screaming because he's not allowed to have the cereal with chocolate bits in. There's someone all in yellow, but there's too much yellow.

I'm not prejudiced against yellow, but sometimes you can have too much. And just then, he had a yellow top on, and the background that he was standing in front of was all yellow. And the ladies were wearing yellow.

He had a yellow hat. Now he's got a blue hat on, so I'm thinking I might have made that bit up. But he's got yellow goggles on.

But there's a green microphone that he's talking to, which kind of fits together with the yellow top. Mind you, to think about it. I mean, I know cycling, it's great for cycling.

Some people love it. I'm just joking about it being for children, but it really is. It's interesting.

How often do you see an overweight person riding a bike? They're usually pretty slim, aren't they? So maybe I'll get a bike so I can maybe, you know, get a bit slimmer. The problem is, I used to have a bike, and I've had a few over the years. I mean, I had them when I was a kid, because that's the time to have them, isn't it? Because bikes are for children.

But I did get a bike as an adult when I was about 35, 35, 36, something like that. I don't know, 35. And I used to cycle to work, but I sweat so much.

Seriously, I'd go into the toilet. So before starting work, I'd be so sweaty. I'd go into the toilet, and I'd have to actually empty my underpants, because there's so much sweat.

And sometimes it'd just, I'd try and get in, but it's like it'd just drop on the floor, like I'd just broken my waters. And I was about to give birth. It was very uncomfortable, because, well, it was a bit embarrassing.

Even in the winter, it's embarrassing. Because in the summer, it's like, well, everything dries out. But in the winter, you know, I suppose at least you've got the radiators to dry stuff on, but my manager wasn't happy having it at work.

Jason, can you take your underpants off the radiators, please? I want you to read it on the Tannoy system, I don't know. Jason, please just remove your underpants from the radiator, and please empty your desk. I used to use my dad's bike when I was 17.

I had a job in a co-op bank, no, not bank, co-op. Where did I get that from, like I'd ever get a job in a bank? I'm a bank robber, I wouldn't work in a bank. And, ah, this is something good for you.

I don't normally do movie reviews, but I'm going to do a movie review for you. And the film is called Widows, W-I-D-O-W-S. And it's a really feel-good movie.

And it started off, basically, these criminals who just robbed a bank and I imagine terrorized a load of people with guns and stuff. Well, they get chased by the police, and eventually they all get killed by the police. And that was within the first, like, probably 10 minutes.

And I turned it off. I thought, it can't get any better than that. A bunch of criminals being killed.

Brilliant. And I was like, wow, that's a really, I felt really good. It was like a really feel-good movie.

I know that's not really what the movie's about, that's just the beginning, but I didn't need to see any more. That is just wonderful. Like, right, a bunch of violent criminals killed by the police.

Yay! And that's, like, wonderful, lovely. Yeah, so I was very pleased with that. I've been watching a TV show called Dead To Me on Netflix.

It's really good. Check it out if I were you. It's a very good video.

Very, very, very good. And what else? Ooh. What is that? Boxing's on.

It's not on this weekend, is it? Ah, 24 July. It's, like, just money. Everyone, it's like, I love boxing, but it's expensive.

Usually it's, like, 16 to, between 16 and 20 pound to watch three hours of boxing. And pretty much an hour after it's been on telly, you can watch it on YouTube. Damn.

So I went to the garage. I got the beers. And on the way back, because Andre had been in his bag, so I left him in his bag, which reminds me, I'm going to have to start, do something about that bag, probably.

Sort it out. But he started squealing as I went to get him out of the bag. And he had his nail, like, caught up in the material inside the bag.

But it was caught properly. And I really, like, he couldn't get out. And he was struggling to get away.

And the more he struggled, the more it, I think, it was causing him pain. But at the same time, I was holding him still so that he didn't do it, so I could try and find a way of, like, releasing him. But he was biting me.

Not hard, but he was, like, getting really frustrated. And in the end, it was just dark outside. So I put my glasses on the pavement.

And I put my bag of shopping on the pavement. And then I ran over the road with him and the bag underneath a street light so I could see better. And I needed my glasses off because I can't see close up with these glasses on.

And then, eventually, I managed to get his nail out of the, you know, from being tangled. Did he say thank you? No. Didn't care.

It was like, it's done now, let's move on. I don't know why I bother sometimes. So I got him home and I thought, because he's already caught his nail in someone else's trousers earlier, in their, I don't know what it was, whatever material it was, but his nail got caught in there, so he's, you know, clearly needs to have his nails cut.

So that's what I did, got him back here, cut his nails. He was wiggling all over the place like I was trying to castrate him or something. You know, it's like, stop, I'm just cutting your nails.

It's your fingernails, you have to have them cut. Once they're cut, you're fine for another week or so and you haven't got to worry about it and you don't get caught in anything. And he said, yeah, I know, I know, but, you know, it just doesn't, it just feels right to wiggle.

I said, why? He said, because I'm a ferret and I'm supposed to wiggle. Okay, fair enough. And I did that and I got it done and, God, that was a boring story.

Even for me, that was boring. Let's see what else is on telly. The Silk Road, oh.

Okay, so I'm not going to watch that. Zing, zong, bing, bong. So I'm just going to look down.

The thing is, I don't want to see anything that I want to watch because then I can't watch it, can I, if I'm doing this? CBBT, CBBT News. I wonder what that is. I've never looked at these before.

Number 672, Babe Nation. Oh, my goodness. I can't believe what I'm seeing.

I can't describe it, but that's, that's not right. There's a, there's a, I don't know what I can say. It's a very unattractive, naked person sitting on a, I don't know what it is they're sitting on.

It's leaning against us. It's leaning against a set of drawers. And there's a camera aimed right, oh.

Well, it says no queue. I'm not surprised. Call now, two pound per minute.

Or on mobiles, two pound per minute plus two pound. I guess that's that connection charge. Or off a UK credit card.

So you can call up and I suppose be on there as long as you want and just pay and just call on a normal phone. Okay, I'm guessing. Of course I wouldn't know.

I wonder how much it costs for 10 minutes. Yeah, I think if I was, yeah, I don't, didn't know this was on. This is Adult Smile TV.

Wow. This is Adult Smile TV 3. Well, what's on there? Oh my goodness, there's another one. What? Oh yeah, I don't know.

Yeah, this is Kiki and Anna Live. Wow, this is just on normal television. Babe Call, this one's called.

Oh, Taylor is live and available for you. She's filthy and ready for your. Wow, I had no idea this kind of stuff was on television.

I quite like her. This is terrible, isn't it? No, I don't, I don't like this kind of stuff. I think it's, it's inappropriate.

Very, very inappropriate. But I think I'm going to have to make a complaint, a written complaint to the TV authorities. But I think it's only courteous for me to be very informed on what I'm complaining about.

So I think I'm going to have to watch a little bit longer just so that I can give a real description of the content that I'm angry about. Because, you know, this is not what I expect when I'm going through my TV channels. Yeah, I went to the garage earlier.

Okay, I'll go to the next one, 674. Hopefully there'll be nothing on there. Oh, there's nothing on there.

Oh, wait a minute. Oh, live shows, instant access, only £6. BSX brings you the hottest action each and every night.

There's no set up fee, no subscription charges and no hidden costs. No credit card required. Well, how do you pay for it then? What, is it Bitcoin? I mean, what, what, how? So 675, this is the next channel.

Invalid service, invalid service, invalid, something like that. Now this is Expand TV. Oh, literally nothing's coming up for this.

Oh, okay. So let's see what's on. There's quite a few channels to choose from.

What's this, Atlantic Rim? Oh no, it's on the horror channel. That'll be different from what I was thinking. Okay, so, Spike, QVC Beauty, QVC Style.

So I'm thinking QV, oh, it's not coming up. QVC Beauty, oh that is good, good, good, good. I love this.

Excuse my chair. Oh, so there's this horsey, not horsey person, it's a lady, that she's, she's demonstrating, she's poured something on her hand. It's healthy hair five piece collection.

So why is she putting it on her hand then? Maybe she's got hairy hands, maybe, I don't know. Maybe she's a werewolf. See, she's talking, but she's only kind of talking out of one side of her mouth.

Oh, this is Liz Earl. Liz Earl, Home and Away. Home and Away, healthy hair.

So what if Home and Away, I wonder if she's from the TV soap Home and Away? Might be, I don't know. So I find the, yeah, I'm not, I don't find this particularly exciting because it's perfume and I like the ones where you get to see them doing demonstrations of new stuff. You like, oh, is it on now? Do you want to demonstrate a new frying pan or a new vacuum cleaner that picks up everything that you could ever want, including coal from the 30s? QVC, this will be good.

QVC. So this is Coco Bianco printed jumpsuit. This is boring.

Oh, wait a minute. Oh, there's people modelling it. This is okay, I don't mind that.

It's kind of very, very thin material, but looks like perfect for being on a beach. It's getting hot in here. It's very loose.

I imagine I'd quite like wearing something like that. Very, very flimsy, not flimsy, it's not flimsy at all, it's very loose. And what's weird though is because even the two ladies that are demonstrating are also wearing these weird baggy trousers, they're probably Coco Cabana as well.

And they look like they've got to work and didn't have anything to wear so they went to the lost property department and they said, oh, here's some stuff you can wear. Like being at school, you know where you've got no shorts or anything for gym and they say, oh, wear these. Oh, thanks.

You end up walking around with a little skirt for an hour and a half. The worst thing is no one even notices. Oh, Natalie from Colchester, Matthew from Newtowns, Dimitri from Kingston on Thames, Alicia from Nottingham.

They've just given a bunch of names, I guess, people that have bought them. I always think, I feel a little bit sorry for some of the models because they're just standing there putting on a fake smile and it must be a bit boring. Just, I don't know, just standing there, like twirling around occasionally, especially twirling around.

It must be disappointing if you do that and you don't turn into Wonder Woman. Trust me, I know. That's why I don't twirl around anymore.

She's got two bangles on but one's stuck right up her arm like it's caught on something. Maybe a mole. And the other one's just on her hand, near her hand.

I used to like the bangles. Are they the ones that did walk like an Egyptian? Walk like an Egyptian. I quite like it, this top that she's wearing, it's like an all thing, you know, it's top and bottom.

And I just realised it's not a dress, it's just, it's like they're trousers but it looks like a dress. But it's like different coloured leaves, you know, like an erotic forest, those leaves. And almost kind of a bit Japanese-y, a bit kind of, you know the things that, I don't know if they still wear them but, like the traditional Japanese dress that the ladies used to wear and I think still some do, or some still do, depending on which way you like to word it.

It's those kind of colours, those kind of patterns, it almost looks like the one on the right is hers is black and white and the other one, same size, same kind of baggy trousers but they're all different colours, so it looks like someone's just coloured them in with some felt tip pens, maybe crayons. And now another lady's come on, another model and she's got a bright yellow top, very bright. I mean really, really like sunshine bright.

It's beautiful, it's a lovely colour, I like yellow. And there's these patterns of flowers and stuff. You know, I don't think it's fair that men don't, I know there's no rules but I'd like to wear flowery stuff.

I'd like to wear bright, bright tops and you know orange and stuff, yellow and flowers and stuff like that. I did go through a phase, I went through a phase in 2004 and 2005 and 2006. Yeah, I went through a phase when I was kind of just buying what I wanted to buy, clothes wise.

And in 2006, 2005 I was wearing quite a lot of pink. I thought, you know what, I'm going to start wearing pink. That's what I did.

So I went to River Island, I think I did, or Gap, one of them. And someone told me that Gap means gay and proud and this is a gay shop but it's like, I don't know if that's true or if it's supposed to be, if that's what Gap stands for. But I was very happy with my purchases and I had this pink top on and I think felt trousers, a nice nice leather hat and studded jeans.

So I used to have some leather trousers when I was younger. I mean proper tight leather trousers that shouldn't really be worn. I think there's a point when it just becomes just, there's not many people could pull it off.

I mean literally, you can't get them off. And I think leather trousers need to really just come with a zip all the way down yeah, there should be like a zip down each side of the legs so you could just get in them and do the leg up. Because when I was younger even as an adult I had a nice bum.

Sometimes it's nice, it's like oh it's nice you've got a nice bum but if that's the only thing people ever say it's like well you know I've got a face as well you know I've got hands, what's wrong with fingers? Look at my fingers, my fingers are lovely. Yeah but that bum's so peachy. Yeah, I'm not a piece of meat, I'm not a toy.

Can I just pay for my groceries please? A peachy bum. Wow, see this is what I like. Now there's a model there and she looks oh no, oh she's gone.

But she was the other model that was just there because every model that's been on there so far is really really slim including all the ones that are coming on now but there's one on there just now that wasn't slim and she's the only one that didn't look like she was faking a smile but she's just happy to have some work, I don't know but she's, oh she's back again. She's lovely, I like her. And they fit her as well because they're not baggy on her.

On the slim ones the trousers are all baggy on her they look like trousers. Now there's one there, she's got a t-shirt on she said look at me. She looked like she didn't have any legs, looked like she had like, oh.

Now we've got one model and another model's walking on and two models but she looked really a bit confused about whether or not to come on or not because there's already one on there. She's just got a natural way about her, I like her. I know they're not selling the females because that would be slavery and that's frowned upon these days but, oh it's really colourful, the top.

That's what I want, I really if I met her I would say, can I please, can I please borrow your top? That's what I'd say to her because I'd really like to wear it because it's nice.

The thing is she's a voluptuous lady but the fact is the top probably wouldn't even fit me I'd probably be a lot bigger than she is she's not big but she's I think sometimes an average sized woman just looks bigger than when they're next to someone that's really really skinny and I don't think it matters if you're skinny or not or bigger or smaller I don't know why I'm talking about it, I don't care it makes no difference to me, I just like looking at her I think it's, she's got nice arms yeah, yeah I'm

an arm man me love arms, war arms you know I'm amazed at how many people like feet it's just like, I went onto this I shouldn't tell you really I went onto this website and it was like a video camera website thing and I just came over it by accident and again I was shocked and I had to complain so I had to watch it for a few hours and there was this lady and she was doing you wouldn't, I can't even, I would never describe I couldn't describe it without having to put adult rating

on this and she was doing every single thing she could think possible to herself and someone posted a comment right, they posted a comment there's lots of people posting comments but someone posted a comment and said can we please see your feet it's just like what I mean I don't think she could see what was happening because I was shocked you know I was making notes and you know is there some kind of ombudsman I can send this to this complaint to because I don't expect to see this kind of stuff when I'm searching for

double glazing or whatever it was I was looking for online double glazing windows and I was like I can't believe this is wrong so yeah and it's like come and see your toes I was like what hasn't this lady done enough for you but yeah I don't I'm not really into that oh it's another fake smiley one she looks like she's imagining herself skiing she's got that look and she's looking it might be a case of she's imagining getting home just getting her shoes off just relaxing oh that's nice and having that kind of smile

coming over your face because you're thinking of something nice well now's an advert for what is it sausages and oh QVC let's share summer see I have never ever bought anything from QVC I don't really I mean I do buy stuff online but I only buy stuff from places that I feel I can trust so you know like Amazon is kind of one of the only places that I buy stuff online I used to buy stuff on ebay but I don't know so I would never buy clothes on ebay some people buy cars on ebay

why would you buy something that you've not even seen yet I don't know the answer to that do you?

no one does no one does so I'll just let you know if you're still listening to this because I know some people will still be listening to this and I've started a new podcast was going to start it today, might not start it until tomorrow because I'm so tired and I don't really have any more food to eat so if I stay up I'll just get hungry and then I'll want to eat, there's no food all I've got is breakfast cereal although that's ok I suppose but it's not really is it it's not really ok

not really a meal so instead of going to bed at 7 which I kind of normally do around that time, I might go to bed now because I had the council round trimming the hedges and they were here forever and ever and ever and then the neighbours started to make more noise to kind of compete with it like shouting and the music blaring up so I really didn't get much sleep today which means I'm tired but I've got a new podcast which is called let me read you to sleep see it's similar to this one,

let me read you to sleep and it's basically going to be me just reading books each recording will be about an hour but there will be no chatting or anything like that it will just be straightforward me just reading a book because I've tried to read a book I did it the other night, tried to read one and I ended up talking about something completely separate and I think I ended up just reading about one paragraph at the end of the recording so I'm planning to read and they're going to be out of date books

or out of copyright books and in the public domain but at the same time I think I'm in love I don't know what it is maybe it's about her, maybe it's her hair she's got nice nails, I'm not really into nails she just looks like she sounds nice you know you see someone and you think I bet they've got a soft voice and these books I'm going to read and I'll put it in the comments section as well of the podcast because I think it's important to know that even though I'm reading the books like

as a bedtime read it doesn't mean that the books are boring I may read them in a boring way but the books are classics you know, brilliant books so I put that in the comments of the podcast because I think it's very important to point that out that I'm not reading stuff that I think is boring I'm just reading it because listening to someone reading a book is quite a nice way to fall asleep I think I've been told and that's the end of this recording hmm, I might turn the volume up on this thing

and just watch it for a minute and see whether or not any of them talk well I do the two ladies presenting it talks but I do wonder what they sound like I think they might sound now this one is available in excess to free XL, £32.

98 you can pay it in for instalments well it's today's special value £32. 98, price after today £44 why?

well we know why because they're trying to get you to buy it now but I quite like a pair of them you know you could hide all kinds of stuff up them I almost look like that woman looks like she's really like a tree, a tree with a body with these baggy trouser things just blown against the trunks of the tree see that's what I'd like to do I'd like to be on QVC because I could talk about a product for 20 minutes or half an hour plus I'm a salesman, a salesperson well I'm a

salesman, I'm a man and it's not sexist to call myself a man is it and I could go on there and now you can buy this and this pen, it's a great pen and you can write with it I'd have fun with that, I could do that I really could, that would be easy and I'd be probably get quite well paid for it as well so if you listen to this and you work for QVC or you're one of the some kind of television or internet sales thing where you have people present then get in

contact because I could do that I could, I could have a lot of fun with it and I could make it enjoyable plus I wouldn't be boring I could be boring but I could use my sales skills I can be quite persuasive obviously not when I'm doing this stuff because I've got no money so if I was persuasive I'd be earning money out of this wouldn't I it's quite weird isn't it I'm quite good, I was good at sales never much good at juggling though and skiing snowboarding, forget it snowboarding you have to purposely lean

back as you go down a mountain, lean back and fall over no but you won't because you'll be going forward no you lean forward when you do it no because then I'll fall over, no you won't it's like oh I'm confused I remember when I skied snowboarding in Bulgaria and I lost control and there was all these kids that were all holding on to this rope I guess they were school kids on a school holiday or something and I was yelling at them get out of the way, get out of the way and I knocked

about six or, probably about six to ten of them over couldn't help it just, you know I just lost control of the I mean come on basically you're attaching a bit of plastic like a skateboard without wheels I mean if you've got a skateboard you wouldn't tie your feet into the skateboard because you know that if you fell off you're going to fall on the floor and hurt yourself but no with snowboards no you've got to have your feet, you know, connected so to make sure that you fall you can't just jump off of it

yeah wouldn't ever do that again I think if I'd like to go back to Bulgaria I'd like to go back to that hotel I went to that was a long time ago but I definitely wouldn't want to go snowing or snowboarding or snow skiing or whatever no, not my thing but I'd quite like to go to the hotel and just sit in there and just hang out and just maybe go and meet the regular people the locals you know, get to go around and just see how people are living so that would kind of interest

me a bit I'd quite like to go to Poland that would be a very interesting place to go to and Russia, maybe Tenerife well that lady's still there again but she's moving around a little bit I think she needs a toilet she is, she's looking a little bit uncomfortable she keeps moving her legs she's definitely holding something in yep, she's moved again I don't want to go anyway because wow, I've gone way over time right, I'll speak to you next time thank you for listening and being part of my wonderful world and I will speak

to you next time please remember to if you want to, you can leave a comment or you can I've got a Facebook page specifically for the Let Me Bore You To Sleep and what else subscribe as well so whatever podcast whatever your podcast host or whatever you're listening to this on remember to subscribe so that you get notified when a new one is available and I've also got other podcasts as well Deep Sleep Whisper Hypnosis Sleep Hypnosis Weekly and they're good for sleeping and there's less of me talking silliness on those ones and also my

Relaxation Hypnosis for Stress Anxiety and Panic Attacks and more serious podcasts this one's more of a playful one I guess that's one word you could use maybe take care bye