#166 Let me bore you to sleep - Jason Newland (12th June 2019)

Hello, welcome to let me bore you to sleep. My name is Jason Newland and please only listen to this thing when you can safely close your eyes. Now, as you may be aware, you may not be aware, you may not care, but I have now only got one website which is jasonnewland.com. I've got rid of all the other websites as well as the host for jasonnewland.com, the original one.

So, what that means is I have cut down the amount of money that I need to pay out every month because it's just getting too expensive. And I got a few donations at the end of last month that's helped me to pay towards the podcast, the internet, all that stuff. But, you know, I don't want to have to keep asking for donations so I thought it would be better to just kind of cut my losses in a way and just get rid of the websites.

Which is a little bit of a shame because they were growing quite nicely but I had five websites plus the jasonnewland.com one. So I've moved the jasonnewland.com to blogger as a host so it's free. So it's not a lot on there, it's just a list, it's the player from Spreaker which has all my latest recordings on there that you can stream or download.

So it's always updated every day and that's how it's going to stay for a while unless I come into some money I'm going to have to just leave things as they are. Which is okay because I want to focus just on producing new material, new podcasts and helping as many people as possible. It has left a little bit of a void in my life, I'll be honest, because I suppose I quite like the whole building websites and running them and checking the stats and updating them.

It's quite nice, it's quite a bit of fun but realistically my podcasts including this one is so easy to listen to, so easy to find. You're listening to it so that proves that it is easy to find. It's on all the main podcast hosts, podcast directories, Spotify, iTunes or Apple Music.

I suppose it would be Apple Podcasts, wouldn't it? Because they're changing or maybe they've already changed. Spreaker is the home of all of my stuff, all of my podcasts are on Spreaker. And you can hear behind me Andre's decided to... Why does he do this? He hears me talking then he decides to just start running around and... And what he's just done, and I can't believe what I've just seen him do, in the middle of the carpet he's just done a big squelch, a big little bit of melted chocolate.

And I've spent hours cleaning this room, cleaning the carpet as well, actually washing the carpet. I put paper out, there's lots of paper out for him to go on and he's just done it in the middle of the carpet, in the middle of the room. And I just... I don't know why I'm surprised at anything that he does.

I just get surprised that he does it in front of me, he's so blatant. And because I couldn't... I could see he was just about to do it, I couldn't jump up out of the chair and grab him and put him onto the paper because there wasn't time and it would have made loads of noise and his squeaky chair and... He's many things but I can't use any of those words whilst I'm in a therapeutic frame of mind. So there was something... I can't even remember what I was talking about.

Oh yeah, so you can find these podcasts all over the place, especially, you know, well, you can get them online on your laptop or your computer, PC, or your tablet, whether it's Android or Apple. You can also listen to it on your phone, again, whether it's Android phone or, you know, an iPhone. There's lots of different podcast players that you can... You can just look my name up, you can just put in Jason Newland, or you can put in, let me bore you to sleep.

And cough then. And just out of interest. It interests me.

I've got a podcast that's starting to bloom. I kind of think of my podcasts as, you know, some have grown up to be trees, or they've grown up to be trees, you know, they've grown, they've sprouted a lot quicker than the others. Like this one, the Deep Sleep Whisper Hypnosis podcast, the Sleep Hypnosis Weekly podcast, the two insomnia podcasts I've got.

So that's what five podcasts that have grown into like little trees, and continues to, you know, continually growing. Some of them have had over 40,000 downloads already, since November, and, you know, continually to grow. So by the end of the year, they'll probably have 100,000 downloads each, if not more.

But then there's others that are just plodding along with just a few downloads every day. I think I've only got one podcast that doesn't get any downloads, hardly at all. But most of them do.

Most of them get, even if it's only a few, they get something, they get some downloads every day. So that's kind of the bottom of the heap, as far as stats goes. And then there's some that are growing.

And one such podcast is, there's two, there's the Sleep Hypnosis with Music, and that's growing steadily. And that's not even on iTunes, I don't think. And another one is my Daily Hypnosis for Anxiety, Stress and Panic Attacks.

And I've now got, I think nearly 10,000 downloads of that one. But that's grown really slowly. You know, a few a day, and then maybe 10 or 15 a day downloads, and then growing.

And now it's up there with how the Sleep Hypnosis Weekly podcast was before I decided to make new ones to add to it. Because I just totally ignored that one. It had seven episodes, and that was all it was going to have in my mind.

You know, it was completed, and I'd made it years ago. But due to the success or the popularity of it, especially considering the small amount of episodes there are, I thought, ooh, I wonder if I make another episode, make another number eight, and just see if anyone listens. And I thought about it for a couple of months, actually, and then I couldn't, I don't know, I could be bothered, but I wasn't sure if I should just leave it as it was.

And then I thought, hmm, no, I'll do one, I'll do a, I'll make a new session. And I did. And that was about five weeks ago, I think, maybe longer, five or six, seven weeks ago.

And I've been making one every week since, once a week. And again, it's growing. There's a big spike on the day that I upload the new recording.

But it's kind of like, wow, okay, this is interesting. And then I think, hmm, because I'm in a similar situation with the daily stress relief and panic attack thing. And I just think maybe I should start making some new recordings for that podcast.

The thing is, though, there's 34 episodes, which I did, I did 34 days in a row, about three years ago, where I uploaded those onto YouTube, basically, and then, yeah, probably onto a podcast as well. And they were fairly popular on YouTube at the time. I say popular, I mean, they didn't have millions of views, but they did, they, you know, they were quite popular on, in comparison to some of the other videos on my YouTube channel at that time.

But a podcast really now is possibly more popular than they were on YouTube. And it's growing, it's really starting to kind of pick up and match some of the other podcasts on a daily basis. But then the kind of the issue comes up, well, if I start making new episodes for that podcast, I kind of need to do one every day.

Because it's got the, it's got the word daily in it. So I don't know, I don't know if I, I try and make one of these every day, and I still don't manage that all the time. I try to make a new deep sleep whisper hypnosis every day.

But I don't manage to do that all the time. The weeklies, the sleep hypnosis weekly sessions, I'm supposed to do those on Fridays. And I release this week's one on Sunday.

So I don't know what I'm going to do with a daily thing. But on the other side, probably my, one of my, I don't know, I wouldn't call it a passion. But one of the things that I really know about, due to personal experience is, you know, anxiety, panic attacks, stress and all that stuff.

So I can really put myself, put a lot of me into those recordings. Because I do know what I am talking about. Because, you know, I can make recordings to, you know, someone to, to help someone with a phobia of pigeons.

But I don't know what it's like to have that experience, because I love pigeons. I don't mean in a pie, I mean I just like, I like pigeons. It's a, they're kind of a very, it's a very English bird, you know.

When I was a child, Trafalgar Square in London used to be full of pigeons. It was one of the national symbols of this country. Trafalgar Square, and people from all over the world would come and stand in Trafalgar Square and have pictures taken of them with pigeons all over them.

On their head, on their hat, their tiara, their lunchbox, their Ferrari, I don't know, whatever. Flip flops, you know, basically you could just get loads of pigeons just landing on you. Now, I'm not saying that's the only reason that people from other countries travelled to England, because you can see pigeons in other places.

I'm guessing that probably most major cities around the world even probably have pigeons, because that's a good place for them to live. If I remember rightly, some cities in America have pigeons. I'm sure I saw some pigeons in an episode of Cagney and Lacey.

I'm not saying that that's what the episode was about. It wasn't about pigeons at all. In fact, there's one of the more disappointing episodes where they focused on the narrative relationships of the stars, you know, so there's not a lot of action.

I used to really like the blonde police lady detective, and the reason I'm saying blonde is because there was two. There was a brunette and a blonde, haired, human, but I don't remember who was who, as in names. I think that Cagney might have actually been the blonde one, but the star of the show really was the brunette.

She was the bigger character, I don't mean physically, although she possibly was. I think she just had more of a character, more of a personality in the show, and you got to see more of her personal life with her husband, because her husband had a moustache. Now, I'm not saying that was the only thing they ever focused on in the episodes when they showed her at home with her husband.

It wasn't just about his moustache. They didn't just sit there talking about it and discussing how long he's had it for, and whether perhaps he needs to start dyeing it, and maybe he needs a trim. How far away from the lip should the moustache start or end, depending on which way you perceive the ending and the beginning, to be in regards to facial hair.

Now, I'm not saying that that is the only reason that the program was made. I don't think the plot line for the pilot that was introduced and shared with the TV producers was aimed at his moustache. I think it was more about the lead singers.

No, I'm not talking about that. I get muddled up, so not lead singers, the actors. Now, I get muddled up because Abba also had a blonde lady and a brunette lady, and I get muddled up between Abba and Cagney and Lacey.

Also, if I remember rightly, one of the Abba ladies, Gert and Bert, or what I forget what her name was, but she, Ingrid Greta, something like that. She married one of the musical geniuses, let's say, who wrote the songs, because I think the two men, not all of the songs, I must say, just in case you thought that Abba had this idea that the ladies sung and the men wrote the songs and made the music. I think the only person that really just wrote all the songs was Barry Manilow, because he wrote the songs.

People said to him, do you write the songs for Barry? Do you write the songs because you just want to make money? He said, no. He said, well, why do you write the songs? He said, I write the songs to make the whole world sing. And Abba, the two men in Abba, Boris and Janko, I forget their names, but one had a moustache, but it wasn't the same man that was in Cagney and Lacey.

Now, I do see the difference between them, because the one with the moustache in Cagney and Lacey wasn't in Abba. That's the mark, the little kind of click, click, to remind me that Cagney and Lacey was a different thing. However, there is a similarity because it's around the same kinds of time, you know, late 70s, early 80s.

And the two men in Abba, one had a moustache. See, Tom Selleck also had a moustache, and Magnum, P.I., and Burt Reynolds. So there was a time when moustaches were really, I don't know if it was popular or shameless or just visible or, I don't know what the right word is, but they were around.

They were definitely, definitely around in the early 80s, but all the way through the 70s and the 60s as well. But for some reason, kind of tail end of the 80s, moustaches stopped being quite as amazing for some reason. Now I'm trying to think of other people, famous people that had moustaches during the 80s.

So Alf Garnett, he was a, if you're in England, if you've lived here for a long time, you'll probably know who Alf Garnett is, unless you're under the age of, well, 20, possibly you might not, because he hasn't been on television for some while. So he had a moustache. I'll tell you who else.

George Roper from George and Mildred. Now I used to watch George and Mildred, but I kind of watched the reruns because I was too young to watch it. Because when it was on originally, it was the early 70s and I was, I was little.

You know, I wasn't, I wasn't interested in watching George and Mildred. I liked Terry and June, but he didn't have a moustache. I don't think Terry ever had a moustache.

Terry from Terry and June. And for those that don't know who Terry and June are, it was a TV sitcom. June Whitfield, who's, who was in Ad Fab.

She was, what's her name's mother in the show. And Terry Scott was her husband in the show. They weren't really married, but they were married in the show.

So basically they pretended to be married, but only during filming. So when the filming stopped and someone showered out, cut, that's a wrap. And that's long before wraps were even popular.

And the, you know, they'd go back to just being coworkers, colleagues. They weren't really married. And I used to think that must be quite confusing.

You know, it's, to sometimes maybe get muddled up. A little bit confused. Am I married? Am I not married to them? You know, the filming stops and your partner, your stage or television partner or husband or wife starts saying, well, you didn't wash the plates up this morning.

Why didn't you put the rubbish out? You forgot to pay the insurance bill. Oh, why don't you pleasure me anymore? But we're not married. What do you mean we're not married? Well, Terry, we're not married.

You moan at me about doing the washing up, but listen, Terry, you've got a wife. You're not married to me. We just, I don't know how to tell you.

What is it, Jane? What is it? What is it, love? What, you want to have an early night? Have an early night? No, no, Terry, no. You have a wife. I have a husband.

And my child is in ADFAB. What, Jennifer Saunders? Yes. Well, how can that be? She's not even been on television yet.

She says years before she gets on television. I know, but just forget about that. So your daughter is Jennifer Saunders? Yeah.

Really? No, well, wait a minute, no, she's my... Oh, now you're getting me confused. She's my stage daughter. Or, like, television daughter.

Just like you're my television husband. What do you mean, we're not really married? That's exactly what I mean, Terry. Well, why do you call me Terry, then? Because that's your name in the TV show.

Yeah, but that's my name in real life as well. And your name is June. June? I know.

But why? That's just confusing. It's probably just to make it a little bit easier. Why? Well, if you think about it, before this show started, what were you doing? Terry, what were you doing before this show started, before we started filming this sitcom? Well, I was in loads of films, carry-on films.

And would you say you're well-known? Yeah, of course, everyone knows who I am. Terry Scott, everybody knows. I'm famous.

Okay. And I'm June Whitfield. And I've been in loads of films.

I've been a stage actress since I was a kid. Been in loads of films, carry-on films, eeling comedies. Everybody knows my name.

Yes, June, what are you trying to say? Well, I suppose because the audience already know who we are, it just seemed to make sense to call ourselves Terry and June. Because everyone knows us as Terry. They know you as Terry.

They know me as June. But June? Yes, Terry. Well, I don't know.

I suppose it makes sense. Yeah, I see. Oh.

So what about George and Mildred then? What about them? Were they coming over tonight for lunch? For dinner? For a dinner party? We're not having a dinner party. Why not, June? Because we're not married. We don't live together.

But I thought we were. I was really looking forward to the Bropers coming around, you know? George and Mildred are my best friends. Terry, George and Mildred aren't real.

What do you mean they're not real? I've seen them. George has a moustache. Ah.

I was wondering how we got here. What do you mean? Well, I was wondering how we started talking about Terry and June. And, you know, what do you call them? What, George and Mildred? Yeah, George and Mildred.

How... It's all about the moustache, isn't it? What is it with you and moustaches? You just want to talk about one thing. You want to spend the whole hour just talking about one single subject. And you're happy just to spread it out as far as long, as long as possible, and just go into the most ridiculous scenarios, just in order to stay on the subject of moustaches.

I have no idea what you're talking about, June. No idea, eh? No idea. Well, let me tell you.

Actually, wait a minute. Yeah, George and Mildred are coming round. Ah, I told you.

Yeah. Bye then, bye. Yeah, I like George and Mildred.

It was... He had a moustache. I'm not sure if I mentioned that. And, again, it was in the 70s.

And... they were in a TV comedy. George and Mildred were the landlords of... I think the TV show was... Man About The House, was it? And then that turned into Robin's Nest. Like the man that was starred in that.

I think it was Man About The House, but it was a man, Sullivan, I forget his first name, but he got married. Yeah, he lived in a house with two ladies, and they were downstairs, and the landlord was... The landlord was named Lady, but they lived upstairs, and this was George and Mildred Roper. And George had a moustache.

And he was constantly kind of making himself unwelcome and disturbing them, and... And because they were such great characters, they kind of stole the show when they were in it. When they appeared in episodes, they definitely shone brighter, perhaps, than some of the other characters in the show. So they ended up getting their own TV show, where they moved into a house in like a suburban area of London, and it's maybe like a posh... I don't know, a posh area, but one of the neighbors was very stuck up, and thought he was above them, you know, in the social ladder.

And George was just this constantly unemployed man with a moustache, and he had a goldfish called Moby, and when his goldfish passed away, he got another goldfish, and he called it Moby 2. And one of my favorite lines of the show, because it was always quite sarcastic, he was, well both of them were sarcastic towards each other, and she... Yeah, he's sitting there, so George is sitting there, and his wife, Mildred, comes back, walks in through the front door, walks into the living room, and he says, where have you been Mildred? And Mildred, and Mildred said, I went to the hairdressers, and quick as a flash, he says, oh, so they were closed then, were they?

And, it was funny with their delivery, bits, and he'd be so brave, yeah, he was, he was definitely the stronger of the two, and he had a, he had a moustache, the neighbor, I think the next door neighbor also had a moustache, and he was an estate agent. I wonder what other people had moustaches in that show. No, can't think of anyone.

So what's the next show of moustaches? So, Magnum P.I., you could technically say that Tom Selleck on Magnum P.I. was a walking moustache. He basically just, his whole body was one big moustache, because he was the hairiest human being ever on the planet. But, he was adored, but I think a lot of that was to do with how handsome he was.

Not just because of the hairiness, but he had a moustache. But also, the dialogue was good, you know, he was funny, and it was dramatic, and but there was also another man who was his landlord. Ah, there's a, there's a commonality here, isn't there? A bit of a pattern, a bit of a pattern.

And his landlord was Mr. Orizaki, or I forget his name, that he had a moustache, which brings me to the Karate Kid. Now, some of you may not know the Karate Kid, the original, which was the early 80s. And the actor in that film was actually a lot older than he looked, and he was in a couple of really good films, and like proper, classic, iconic films, outside of the, you know, the Karate Kid films.

But let's concentrate on the Karate Kid. The Karate Kid. He basically was, I think he moved towns with his mum, mother, and they, so he went to a new school.

He was a teenager, and he just went there, and for some reason, the, there were some bullies there, and they started, like, pushing them around and everything, and he gets saved by this little man that had a moustache. And this little man does all these karate moves and things on these children. This grown man beats up these children, and so so far so good, and we, he goes and asks the Mr. Nagasaki, Nagasaki, I think his name was, and he asked him to teach him karate, and he said no.

He said, go on, please. He said no. He said no.

He said, why not? He said, I don't want to. He said, I don't want to. He said, I don't have to if I don't want to.

You can't make me. You're not the boss of me. He said, look, look, you have to do it.

He said, where does it say I have to do it? Here, in the script. You know, it's a very important part of the script. If you say no at this point, it's pretty much the end of the film.

Ah. In that case, if I'm going to do that, then I'm going to get you to clean my car and paint the fence, and that's going to be your training for karate. And added to that, I'm going to give you the pressure of competing in a karate competition, which is going to be against black belts who have been training for many years and your training will be painting the fence and cleaning in the car.

And please don't get those two muddled up. Please don't get those two muddled up because I can't afford another car. Please don't paint my car.

Please just wash it and just paint the fence. And if you do everything I say, I will let you touch my moustache. And he said, I don't want to touch your moustache, but I would like to learn karate if you've entered me for a karate contest.

I mean, I'll be very happy with your training. If it was a car washing contest, I think I would do quite well. But you know what I mean.

And he said, I do not know what you mean. He said, wait a minute. So what are you going to do? He said, I'm going to catch that fly with these chopsticks.

Why? What do you mean why? Why are you catching a fly with chopsticks? What's the point in that? It's a way of showing off my quick skills and my amazing cat-like reflexes. Meow. Yeah, but I still don't understand, because I'll be honest, I've never seen a cat use chopsticks.

Listen, it's not about the chopsticks. It's not about the cat. It's about proving that I'm super cool and mega quick.

OK. See? Now, can we just get to the scene where I catch the fly with the chopsticks? All right. All right, OK.

You can let the fly go now. He's ready. Bzzz.

Click. What was that sound? That was the sound of the chopsticks closing and catching the fly. Yeah, but you just said click.

You verbally just said the word click. That isn't the sound of anything other than you just saying the word click. Why do you question me? Why wouldn't I question you? You've not taught me karate yet.

But I shall, my son. I shall. What did you say? I said I shall.

Not before that. I said click. No, after that.

I don't know. You called me son. Son? Yes, your mum wanted me to tell you the DNA test came back and we are indeed related.

Are you sure that you're my dad? Well, either I'm your dad or I'm your mother. What? That's the DNA test. I'm your parent.

So, if I can't be your dad I must be your mother. Click. Why do you keep saying click? I don't know.

I'm just a bit nervous, if I'm honest. I wasn't sure what else to do. Right, so how long have you been wanting to tell me this? I mean, how long have you known? I've known for about 13 years.

So you've known most of my life? Yeah. So why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you come and see me sooner? Being busy. Doing what? Catching catching flies.

Click. Oh, and basically what happens is they have the contest and the main part of that story is he has a moustache. I'm trying to think of other people that have moustaches.

I'm trying to think. Burt Reynolds had a moustache. So I was going to say he wasn't in any TV shows but he was, wasn't he? He was in a sitcom.

I forget what it was. What was the sitcom Burt Reynolds was in? I don't know. I'm sure he was.

I like Burt Reynolds. So what other moustache-y people? Actually, I was named after a moustache. And you may think oh yeah, here we go, another lie.

No, it's true. See in the 60s I don't know what time in the 60s the date or the year I'm not sure but there was a and I've seen it I've actually seen the show online there was a television show called Jason King and he was a I think he was like a private detective and he was a proper I don't want to say the word misogynist but he was very a womanizer but he was this super supposed to be super attractive suave rich you know and then he had a moustache.

Now my dad had a moustache in the 60s and the 70s and his friends used to call him Jason King because well, I don't know I think for a few reasons but they called him it was his nickname for a bit apparently and that's why he called me Jason so I'm not named after any family members but I am named after a television character which kind of is the furthest away from who I am because I'm not a detective I'm not rich technically I don't have a moustache but I do I have a beard like

a full beard so it's top lip and bottom lip and jaws and you know, everything so well, not everything my knees are not included but one day the moustache may the beard rather may go all the way down to my ankles and that'll be a celebratory day of wonderment that'll be really cool I'm looking forward to that for some reason and that's why I was called Jason because of my dad looking like a television character could have been worse could have been called Scooby-Doo so I'm trying to think you know during the 90s I can't

think of one person with a moustache that was famous and there's probably loads but I can't think of one all the 2000s or this decade even mind you I'll leave you on this I remember years ago I went to London and there was actually a hypnosis training course I was going to and I was on my lunch break it was near the embankment and I see I see someone walking towards me and they had their hair was jet black quite short but brushed over to one side and they had what I'm going to describe in

nicer terms a Charlie Chaplin moustache except he didn't look like Charlie Chaplin and I was like wow I can't believe you're walking around the streets like that and he said yeah at least I've got my trousers on and I said I had an accident they're still drying so that's the end of this kind of like a tribute to moustaches really so I'm going to go now hopefully you're fast asleep and I bored you completely to sleep and I'll speak to you next time bye bye bye bye