#146 Let me bore you to sleep - Jason Newland (11th May 2019)

Hello and welcome to LetMeBoreYouToSleep.com My name is Jason Newland. This is Let Me Bore You To Sleep. Please only listen to this when you can safely close your eyes.

And, uh, I've got no idea what number this is. A hundred and something. It's got to be near 150 soon.

Or is it more than that? I don't know. I lose track. So, the point of these recordings, this podcast, if you haven't, um, listened to me before, is I just talk about boring stuff and what you'll find is your mind just starts to close down.

So, my voice is a distraction from your own thoughts, but then my voice becomes very, very boring. And the things I'm talking about become very, very repetitive and kind of pointless, a lot of it. Some of it's pure gold, but, you know, that's mixed in with a lot of unnecessary chatter.

And that's what this is about. It also can be for some people, some company as well. I do these, I try and do them every day, but don't always manage to do that.

But they are regular. I do them quite often, quite a few times a week, often every day. And it can just be a nice, relaxing hour of listening to me just talking about things, whatever things come to my mind, because none of it is rehearsed, none of it is planned, and that's it.

And the podcast is gaining in popularity, so I'm figuring I must be doing something right to be gaining more followers and more plays and downloads. So thank you to those of you that do listen regularly. And I'd just like to ask you maybe if you'd consider sharing this podcast, maybe on your Facebook page or Twitter, Instagram, wherever you are, you know, wherever you kind of socialize online.

Just tell other people, maybe you're in a forum on Facebook, Facebook group or page where people may be having difficulty sleeping. Perhaps you could just recommend me and this podcast so that more people can benefit from listening to my boring voice. All right, so I took Andre out twice today.

So I thought I'd just, I'll give you, I took him for a walk twice, I'll just tell you about my day. So I went to bed about seven this morning, or yesterday morning, a little bit later than normal, usually in bed about five-ish, sometimes four, sometimes three. It depends really.

And I'll type that wake up, I'll go up about one o'clock-ish. And I didn't really do my normal routine. By the way, my stomach is rumbling a bit.

I think I need to eat a banana. That's what I'm going to do at the end of this recording. I'm going to eat a banana.

Yeah. It's quite weird. My stomach started doing this about half an hour ago.

What's going on? I don't know. Maybe I could have a bowl of breakfast cereal or something. Maybe that'll shut my stomach up.

See, I didn't do my normal routine. My normal routine is I get out of bed, I get out the right side. And I mean as in opposed to the wrong side.

I get out the right side because if I go out the left side, I need a drill to get through the wall or a big sledgehammer. I don't want to do that first thing in the morning, apart from it would damage the structure of my home. So I get out and I find it easier if I pull the blankets or the duvet off of myself first.

So I pull it off before I get out of bed. I kind of maneuver my body to the right and so I'm sitting up with my feet on the ground, sitting on the bed, the side of the bed. It's kind of near where the pillows are.

And it's light outside usually when I wake up. So I don't need to turn the light on inside because although I've got the curtains drawn, you know, there's light coming through the curtains. And so, you know, I can see my way around and I don't have my glasses because I don't wear them in bed.

I don't think anybody wears glasses in bed, do they? Yeah, but I don't. They're just, they get in the way. Yeah, no one would wear them in bed.

I think I went to bed once wearing my glasses by accident. Not accident. An accident is where you fall out of a tree or something, isn't it? It wasn't an accident, but just I forgot to take them off.

I probably was reading a book or something at the time because I can't imagine any other reason why I would be wearing glasses in bed other than if I was reading. Yeah, no, that's the only reason because I haven't had a television. Yeah, I haven't had a television at the bottom of my bed for quite some time.

And when I did last have a bed with a television at the bottom of the bed, I used to sit up in bed watching television. I didn't need glasses for that at that time. Just needed glasses for reading.

Yeah, I've only been wearing glasses kind of all the time since 2012 or 2013, something like that. That's when I was told that I needed them for distance. I kind of knew I did because I'd have to ask people at the bus stop, what is that? And they'd say, it's a bus.

I'd say, no, it's a bus. What number is it, please? And they'd tell me the number and then I'd know which bus I got on. I literally, once I got on a bus and I had to ask the bus driver what the number of the bus was.

And once I got on and it was the wrong bus, I actually, it was the wrong number. I just misread it because I needed glasses. And I ended up, I didn't end up in a different town or a different part of the world, but I did end up going a different direction to the one that I had originally chosen to pursue as part of my plans for that day.

And I was a little bit embarrassed by it really. So I stayed on for a few more stops than I needed to, pretending that that was what I wanted to do. It's a bit like when you're walking down the street and you trip over the curb and you kind of start running and doing a little dance as if you like meant to do it.

Yeah, a bit of break dancing. That's why now I always carry around a little bit of lino just in case. If I trip, I just chuck the lino on the floor and do a couple of head spins.

Yeah, it all works out nice. So I'm sitting there on the bed with my feet on the floor and all I normally do, and I don't do this because I want to do it, although I do do it in the winter, but I put my socks on that are on the floor rolled up. In the winter, I put them on because, you know, it's needed.

It's a necessary process in order to keep my feet at an adequate temperature. But in the summer, I personally, and we're kind of summer-ish now, we're in May, May the 10th or the 11th, something like that. And although it's not been warm, it's still, you know, a fairly okay temperature.

So when I woke up and I didn't really want to put the socks on, but then I know that if I don't put the socks on, as soon as I get Andre out of his cage, he'll start going for my feet. He just can't help himself. He's got a habit, that's his thing.

He's got a foot habit. He loves feet. If, yeah, I think that's why he hasn't got so much stuff in his cage.

Keeps selling it so he can get more feet to bite. That's a bad habit of his. I might try and get some kind of intervention going for him.

Put him in some kind of a detox. But he, you know, so anyway, I'm sitting there on the bed and I'm thinking, I don't want to put the socks on. Then I'm thinking, yeah, but I don't like having my toes bitten by Andre.

But I don't want to put my socks on. But yeah, then I was kind of thinking, yeah, but I don't want, I don't, I like it when he licks me ankles. That feels nice.

And I always liked dogs licking my toes because it feels nice. But Andre doesn't do that. He will lick them, but it's in preparation.

It's, you know, for the, just preparing to eat them really, I think, in his mind. So I put the socks on in the end. I decided to put one sock on first and then the other on.

I have tried to do both at the same time, but it's just, it's complicated. It doesn't always work out properly. So I think I put the left one on first.

I put the left sock on first and then I put the right sock on second. Yeah, I think that's what I did. And I pulled them up and then I put my, I've got these Crocs, they're like plastic, quite hard plastic Croc slipper things that I wear.

And the reason I wear these is because he can't bite through them. He does try, but with slippers, he just, he will, he loves slippers. He loves, yeah, absolutely loves them.

In fact, I think I'm going to buy him a pair for Christmas. And so I put, I put my feet in each Croc. I don't know which foot I put in what each first, because although I put the sock, I might not have put my feet into the Crocs until both of the socks were on my feet.

But I may have put my left foot into the left Croc after putting the sock on and then put the right sock on and then put my right foot into the right Croc. I'm not a hundred percent sure if I did that. But see, one of my routines is I'll walk over to the window.

I'll draw the curtains open. Isn't it weird how we say, use the same name, draw the curtains, whether you close them or open them. So if you say to someone, I'll draw the curtains, they're not going to know what you meant.

It's going to be one or the other. Anyway, I drew them open or pulled them open. I pulled the curtains off and pull it off, but pull them, pull them apart.

So I pulled, just gently pulled them apart. And then I opened the window. So I like to let air in.

It's not that I'm worried that there's no oxygen in the room, because I know there is. But I like to, it's not that I enjoy the process of opening the window, because it's kind of the same every time. I enjoyed it a little bit when I first moved in, because it's a new window.

It's a novelty, you know, it turns a different way to the window that I used to have in my previous accommodation. And it was fun the first few months. I mean, sometimes I'd actually look forward to opening the window.

I'd be going to bed and I'd be, it'd be like Christmas Eve, you know, and I can't wait to wake up. But instead of to open the presents, it was to open the window. But yeah, that's kind of worn off a little bit.

It's a bit like, a bit like a honeymoon after the first three days, you know, it's, novelty's kind of gone a bit. How are we going to pay off all these debts? So yeah. So then what I do is I open the door, because I find it's the, it's the best way to get through.

So I open the door up. The door opens inwards. I mean, when I first moved in, it took me a while to figure that out.

But it is, that was a difficult couple of days, but it's fine. It's, I got, I figured it out. So I turn the handle.

So as I'm facing it, yeah, I always turn the handle with my left hand. Because if I did it with my right hand, it just feels a bit awkward, you know. So I do it with my left hand to open it.

And then I open, you know, I pull it open. And then, because I've got a bookcase just a couple of inches from where the door ends, you know, as you open it. And I have to, well I don't have to, but I choose to keep the door handle down.

So what I do is I open it pretty much halfway. Then I grab the other side of the handle with my right hand, and I push down so that the lever, you know, the metal bit, the catch, or whatever you want to call it, the door, goes into the door. And I push it just behind, there's literally like an inch to go past the bookcase, the black bookcase I've got.

And then I let go of the handle. And I just let it go. So it springs and makes a little clutter.

I do it gently. And that way it doesn't bang against, because the little metal knob bit sort of bangs against the bookcase if I don't pull the handle down. I don't know what that's called.

You know the bit where, where, so you've got a door handle. I want to say if you've got, if you've got a door and you close it and it clicks closed, that bit in between the door and the door frame that keeps the door closed, that bit of metal, I'm not sure what that's called. But that's the thing that I, you know, try to prevent banging against the bookcase because it makes a noise.

And I like to try and keep things fairly quiet, just generally. So then I walk out of my bedroom. So my routine, if it's winter, I turn the heating on.

And then I might go to the front door and see if I've had any mail delivered. Bills mainly, of course. And then not bills, mail, bill as in, I don't live with anyone called Bill.

I talk about bills as in electric and gas and water bills and what other bills are there. That's, yeah, that's about it. The rest, because I've noticed as time goes by, less and less of the bills come in paper form.

You know, so it's, I find it easier to keep track of things when they're in paper form, because I can remind myself that a bill needs to be paid. And therefore, what I do, because sometimes if I get a bill of a hundred and, I don't know, £170 or whatever for the electric and gas for the previous month, I may have to pay it over three weeks. So I'll pay £50, maybe then, and then maybe the following week, I'll pay another £50.

And then the following week, pay the remainder. And so I can kind of keep a track by writing on the bill, how much I paid and what date. And when it's fully paid, I'll write down paid in full with a big tick and the date, just so that I can keep track of what I've paid and just, you know, peace of mind, I suppose.

A little bit of organisational pride, possibly. I do feel quite good about it sometimes, just knowing that I've kind of paid off what needs to be paid. And because ultimately that's all the money I'm getting.

That's why I'm getting the money is to pay bills, bills and food, occasional haircut. Although the other day on Thursday, because it's Saturday now, on Thursday, I bought myself some new shoes. They're the stretchers, is it? Stretcher shoes, I think they're called.

Streakers, stretchers, stretchers, something like that. They're really comfy and they've got a memory phone inside them. And between me and you, I think they make me look taller.

So I'm quite pleased with that. I think it may have added another quarter of an inch. And we will know that a quarter of an inch is, well, that's just magic, really, isn't it? To some of us.

So that's quite nice. And they're very, very comfortable. Now, I like comfortable shoes.

I don't like all comfortable shoes, because not all comfortable shoes fit me. You know, it doesn't matter how comfortable a pair of size three shoes are, they're not going to be comfortable for me, because they won't fit me. But because I got size 10 feet, that's the size 10, that's the size I need in order to feel comfortable.

So I need not just a size 10 shoe, but I need also them to be comfortable as well as being the correct size for my particular feet. I've got fairly wide feet, but they're not, yeah, they're alright. They're not that wide.

It's not knocking people over in the street, because they're like, you know, they're not obstructing cars and yeah, not that, not that wide. I think as I put weight on, I think they've got a little bit flatter though. That just might be my imagination.

I don't mind my feet, really. I think it's quite nice to just be accepted of whatever we look like. You know, in my feet, yeah, I think they're okay.

They do their job. They move when they need to move. And yeah, I'm fairly pleased with the productivity of my feet.

They've done their job very proficiently. And I wouldn't go as far as to buy them flowers, or to have a, you know, a certain specific day of the year to celebrate my feet. Although that might be quite a nice thing, because our feet do so much for us.

We rely so much on our hands, and all the different parts of our body. We just rely on them and don't perhaps give them the love that perhaps, perhaps, perhaps we could. Maybe.

I was thinking about that the other day. What should we have more days for? Because you've got Father's Day, you've got Mother's Day, you've got various different days celebrating, like Mental Health Day, and World Peace Day, and LBCTVZ Day, you know, you've got different things. And I was thinking, what will be probably the most important, really important thing that is not being celebrated or recognised? And I thought about it the other day, and I thought, you know what?

The thing that we don't give thanks to, something we really should give thanks to, and it's definitely worthy of one day a year where we all get together and maybe have a day off, work or school, and we all kind of make a fuss of this thing that helps us, that's there to support us, that's there for us to use every day of our lives, takes care of us, never complains.

The toilet, we need to have a national toilet day, one day a year, because you know what? Sometimes, I'll be honest with you, sometimes I feel so guilty for what I put that toilet through. And I considered buying it flowers the other day, it was just, I don't want to buy it chocolates, because that would just be too close to my true memories, like, oh no, not more of that, but flowers or something. I mean, I don't want to go into details, but I did such a smelly, a smelly one the other day, that I heard this noise afterwards in the bath, in the toilet, you know, so I just left the toilet, just walked out, I sat down in my chair, continued to eat my sandwich, and then I heard this noise, and I went back in there.

I found the toilet was trying to open the window. Wow, it was that bad. So what I did is I closed the door, which probably was a bit rude, but I wasn't in the mood for a conversation, you know, at the time, I just, plus I was eating my sandwich, and I had things to do, because when I finished my sandwich, I needed to wash my hands, you know, everything was, you know, a routine.

So it's always weird though, I always notice if I go into a public toilet, I always go in after somebody that's really, really done a stinky one, and I generally go into a toilet just to do a wee, I, you know, I don't, public toilets are not really my place, my thing, and each to their own, and some people love them, but not really, no, but guaranteed, it'll be a unisex toilet, and I'll come out, and there'll be the most, you know, a woman that I'll just fall in love with, love at first sight, and

then I'll open the door for her, and she gets a big whiff of the previous person's internal problems, and oh, this, this, oh, it, you know, the romance, it could have been such a romantic moment.

Mind you, it's hard to be romantic when you're just meeting each other in a, going in and out of a public toilet, but I've heard that many people do find romance that way, but I don't know, so once I walk out of my door, my bedroom door, maybe check for the mail, walk into the bathroom, do a wee-wee, and clean my teeth, and do all that stuff, and then wash my hands, wash my hands before cleaning my teeth, it depends, whatever is a way to do it, I don't know, and then I'll go and stick the kettle on, make a cup of coffee, and get me breakfast ready, which is just a bowl of breakfast cereal.

I'm now eating fruit and fiber, so I'm trying to eat like more healthy breakfast, and maybe that's why my stomach's making some noises, saying, where's, where's the Weetabix covered in sugar, what is the sugar, where's the crunchy nut cornflakes, what have you done to me? But it's, so I'll do that, and then I'll, sometimes I'll walk into the living room, living room first, and maybe pick up a few bits from the night before, if it's a, I don't know, wrappers or whatever, just, I don't really, whatever they're, or JZ or anything like that, I just mean biscuit wrappers, not that I'm eating biscuits all night, but just, if there's just a few bits and bobs, I'll stick them in the bin or the recycling bin.

Sometimes I will check my laptop, just check the stats for the, you know, the podcasts, so when I walk into the living room, it's like straight ahead, it's like only one, two, four footsteps I'd say, but then I need to move the chair out of the way, so I can get to turn the plug on, the socket, I turn it off at night, and then I pull the chair out again, and I sit down in the chair, and then I pull the chair in a little bit, so that I'm a little bit closer to the table than I was.

Sometimes before I do this, I will open the window, I'll draw the curtains first, open, and I'll open the window as well, and then I'll sit down on the chair, and open the laptop lid, and wait for it to, the screen to come on, and I'll press the space button, and that usually gets the password box up, and I'll put the password in, sexyjj, you know, so standard passwords, I'll put that in there, and then it opens up, you know, the screen opens up, and the icons are on the screen, and I don't mean pictures

of Elvis, or Meryl Monroe, Bing Crosby, I'm just, I mean the icon, you know, the little icons of the various, you know, Google Chrome, and stuff like that, so I click on Google Chrome, and open that up, and I go to Spreaker, which is where all my main podcasts are housed, that's where they live, although they're available and shared on lots of different podcasts, including iTunes, and Spotify, and TuneIn, Stitcher, CastBox, various different podcasts, and as well as my website, of course, and I'll go, when it opens up, I then have to go into the

statistics page, and that opens up another page, for some reason, and then what I do is, I go down, I look at the overall stats for the entire podcast, and I don't know how many I've got all together, again, it's nearly 200,000 downloads, I think, and just get into that, yeah, I think it's about 190 something downloads, and like 25,000 plays, or something like that, and then what I'll do is, I'll click on the, because it's got a drop down box, where it could be current, then it's last seven days, there's the last 30 days,

then there's last month, and this month, and the last quarter, so I normally choose current week, or last seven days, so I click that, refresh, and then I move the screen down, and I don't move the screen down, I mean, I don't push it through the table, you know, with the cursor, moving with the, what do you call it, that thing at the side of the page, the bar that pulls the, moves the screen down, and then it shows me, it's like a bar graph of, it's not like, it is a bar graph of of

the stats for the current week, or the last seven days, depending on which menu I clicked on, and what I do then is, I generally don't look at previous days, so for example, it's this morning, or yesterday, I, it was Friday, so I only really looked at the current day, which was Friday, and I looked at yesterday's, the day before Thursday, because sometimes the stats aren't all correlated until the day after, for the previous day, so they're not all correct, so I looked at that, and I think, yes, Thursday was 1888 or something downloads, but

I don't look at the other days, for example, I don't look at Monday stats, even though it's there, and all I need to do is put the cursor over the chart, and it tells me how much downloads, and how many plays for each day, and so I don't look at Mondays, I didn't look at Tuesdays, and I didn't look at Wednesdays, and I was more focused on Friday, because that was the day of the particular day that I was looking at, for that day's stats, but I did also have a look back at Thursday, because

in some ways, I kind of compare the last day with the present day, just to get an idea of how things are going, and with my stats at the moment, it's averaging 2000 a day plus, which is quite nice, and it's growing, and it's getting to the point where even when I don't record a new session, I'm still getting nearly 2000 a day, so when I record new sessions, it goes up more, usually, depending, and because Friday morning, yesterday, I actually recorded three new recordings, so I had a deep sleep whisper hypnosis session, so that

was uploaded to the podcast, then I did a let me bore you to sleep recording, and that was uploaded, and I also made my Friday episode of sleep hypnosis weekly, and that was for about an hour as well, so there's quite a lot of new material was uploaded yesterday, so I was expecting there to be kind of an increase in downloads yesterday, compared to the day before, I haven't looked at the stats yet, recently, so I'm not sure if it did go above, but I'd expect more, you know, to be above 2000 for the day,

probably more, more than that, and sometimes I do that while the kettle is boiling, and sometimes I'll just let the kettle boil, and I figure, well, it's boiling water, it's not gonna just become really cold really quick, because I'm not outside in the snow, but then if I was outside in the snow, I probably wouldn't have a kettle, because I don't have a cord long enough to reach all the way from my kitchen, all the way down into the garden, or the pavement, plus it might be a bit strange to be doing it during the

snow, so I probably have a pre-prepared flask, which already has coffee in it, with that special flasky, plasticky taste, but then I don't see the point in that, because if all I want to do is drink coffee on the pavement outside where I live, I might as well just take a cup of coffee outside, that seems like it would be more, well, just more practical in its own way, and I'm not giving it a lot of thought, but I think that in the future if I was to decide that for some reason I really longed

to enjoy the taste of a nice hot cup of coffee with one sugar, not two, because I've cutting down on my sugar intake whilst standing on a snow-covered pavement, or sidewalk if you live in a place that incorrectly calls a pavement a sidewalk, and then it's where should we walk, we've built the road, where should we walk?

How about at the side? Why should we walk at the side? Because the cars are in the middle, but pedestrians, we need somewhere to walk, because we don't have wheels on our feet. What do you mean you don't have wheels on your feet? Well, if you haven't got wheels on your feet, you can't go on the road, can you? Yeah, but cars don't have wheels on their feet, well, technically they do, I suppose so, they're like horses with wheels, well, cars are like horses with wheels.

Yes, ask Uncle Ford, that's what he said they were. Are you sure he said that? Yes, Uncle Ford said that automobiles were like horses with wheels. Are you sure? Yes, he did.

When did he say that? He said it three weeks ago when we were all celebrating his 50th birthday. Do you remember? I remember you bought him a can of air freshener for his toilet, a little cactus, and you kept going on about how we should celebrate our toilets and treat them kindly and dedicate one day a year to them, and I said, oh yeah, I remember that. He said, see, that's when he told us all.

I said, oh, I don't remember that conversation, Percy, because, he said, what did you say? I said, I don't remember that conversation. He said, no, after that. What do you mean? He said, I can't, I don't remember that conversation, and then you said a word.

I said, yeah, Percy. He said, well, why did you say that? My name's not Percy. I said, no, your name's not Percy, it's Horace.

He said, well, yeah, you didn't have to say what it was, but you should know what it was, you're my cousin. We've known each other for years and years. What did you say, Percy? I said, that's what people say, Percy.

What do you mean, per se? It's the same thing. It's not the same thing, per se, per se. Well, it's not a lot of difference, is there? I suppose not, really.

It doesn't, does it really matter? No. Oh, okay. So, back to the original question, what should we call that thing where we walk on the side of the road? I don't know.

I mean, they call it a pavement in England. Yeah, but we're not in England, are we? This is the new country. This is the new place.

We're not in smelly old England now. Oh, will you stop saying horrible things about England? It's lovely. There will be, once they have the inside toilets.

Inside toilets? That's ridiculous. So, what should we call it? You can't call it a pavement because it doesn't make any sense, really, does it? It doesn't mean anything. It just means we'd be copying the Brits.

We don't want to copy them. We want to be able to have originality. So, what should we call it? So, let's have a look.

So, it's at the side of the road. It's at the side and let's have a little brainstorm and what do you do on it? What do you mean, what do you do on it? Well, it's at the side, but what is it used for? What's it predominantly going to be used for, do you think? Well, I suppose some people will trip over and do a bit of, you know, street dancing and spinning on their heads and stuff just to cover up the fact that they're tripped. But, you know, it's not always going to be used for break dancing.

There's other stuff. I mean, I'd say off the top of my head, walking, you know. It's pedestrians, isn't it? I mean, if you say the word pedestrian, what do you think of? I think of that film called Predestination.

The film called Predestination. It's a good film, but that's not what you think of when you think of pedestrian, is it? Well, I suppose crossing the road, you know, like a zebra crossing, pedestrian crossing. Yeah, and what are people doing when they cross the road? Some people will be on their phones.

Other people will be talking. Some people will be holding hands. No, but what's the thing they all have in common? All wearing hats? Oh, well, yeah, but what other things? They all believe in UFOs? No, well, yeah, but what other things? Oh, I get what you mean.

I'm getting the drift of your little salad dressing there. What? Salad dressing? I don't know, it sounded good when I thought about it, but once it came, sometimes like that, something or something just drops out of my mouth, lands on the floor, I think. I don't want to clean that up.

I'm going to leave that there and hopefully no one will notice. It was a bit like that then when I said salad dressing, just didn't really make sense. I was hoping you wouldn't notice.

Yeah, but I notice everything. But why do you notice? How come you notice everything that I say? It's because I'm saying it, isn't it? We're the same person. Oh, yeah, true.

So what should we call this side where people walk? I'm not sure. I'm not sure what to call it. It's got to be, it's got to be a name, something catchy.

Because you don't, there's no point having it and giving it a name where people don't know what to do on it. See, when I went to England and the pavement was there, they called it a pavement, and I stood on it and I didn't know what to do. I didn't know if I should lay down or I didn't know if I should start drawing some kind of artwork on it or tap dance.

I wasn't, I did some tap dancing anyway, because it was fun, but I always do that wherever I am. But apart from in the shower, ever since that, it's not a tap. Was that a tap dancing joke? Like as he is tap dancing on a shower with a tap? No, I didn't mean that as I was actually dancing on the taps.

I mean, it's just got a bit slippery. Okay, all right, because that would have been really, really bad. Well, it's not that bad.

I should do tap dancing, but I stopped because I broke the bath or broke the sink. That's a good little joke. It's really not.

It is if you visualise it. Imagine me standing in the sink trying to dance on the taps. That'd be quite a funny visual thing.

Okay, maybe. As I said, when I was in England and the pavement, you know, the road and then you had the pavement either side of the road, and I didn't know what to do. And people just walking past, and they all seemed to know.

A few of them like bumped into me and like I was invisible or something. But then I realised I was wearing camouflage gear. So it's not their fault.

And I just didn't know what to do though, because it was a pavement. I needed a bit of instruction. So we need to figure out this so that everybody knows exactly what it's there for, what it's to be used for.

I've got it. I've figured it out. I'm ever so pleased with myself.

Okay, what have you come up with? Okay. Are you ready for this? Yeah, I've been ready for that 20 minutes. Are you really ready for this? Yes, I am ready.

Do you need me to sign a contract to, you know, agree my readiness? No, no, nothing like that. Don't need to do that. Are you ready for it? Yes, I'm ready.

Okay. How about this for a name? For an area at the side of the road, the side where we walk. How about this? A sidewalk.

The sidewalk. Yeah, but isn't that a little bit, um, um, I don't know. It's like, wouldn't that be a little bit like making a chocolate bar and calling it in-your-mouth E.T.? You know, sort of, I don't know, making a drink and calling it swallow liquid.

Just seems a bit, a little bit, um, a little bit, um, um. No, I think it will catch on. I do.

And because I think what, everyone's going to be so amazed that you've named it. It can be Jay's sidewalk. And yeah, so you're, because they call it after you, Jason, call it Jay's sidewalk or Jason's sidewalk, but Jay's sidewalk.

But we could add a law to make sure that people stay on the sidewalk and don't just wander in the road. What do you mean? We can make a law so people have to stay on the sidewalk and only cross at correct places. They can't just wander in the road.

I mean, there's not going to be any barriers up to stop people from walking in the road. No, no, there's going to be just inches between the traffic and the people walking. That'll work.

That'll be fine. I can't see any issue with that. Sounds safe enough.

Oh, okay. So what's this law? Are you ready for this? Yeah, I'm ready. So basically if anyone walks into the road, they can get done and get a ticket for jaywalking named after you.

Jaywalking. We call it jaywalking. And they walk in the road and you get a percentage of every fine.

Now, before you said that last sentence, I really did believe that everything previously to this last sentence you said, and I'm going back years, has all been complete rubbish. But that bit at the end, the first time I actually was interested in anything you said, I get paid cash money. Why did you say cash money? Why not just money or cash? Well, that's just the way you say it, cash money.

It just seemed to be a weird way to say it. It's a normal way to say it. Everyone does it.

Everyone. Everyone in the entire world. I don't know.

I mean, I don't know. It's a bit like, I'm now going to eat this food sandwich. I'm now going to eat this meat burger.

I'm now going to drink this liquid drink. No, it's nothing like that at all. I'll tell you something though.

What? What's that? We've gone over time again. What do you mean? Well, the whole point of this is we go to 60 minutes, do an hour of nonsense, and then we finish. And the whole point is I was going to talk about my day, and I was going to drag it out and make it boring, but I didn't even get as far as eating my breakfast.

How can it take an hour, over an hour, to not even get to eating my breakfast? Imagine how long it would take to talk about the entire day. That's like probably five hours of talking. Perhaps you should do that sometimes.

No. No, I don't think that's fair on anyone. Okay.

All right, so that's the end of this recording. Thank you for listening. Hopefully you're fast asleep, bored, bored, bored, bored.

If you're not, then I can only apologize. No, I shall be back again tomorrow. And remember, you are an amazing person, and you deserve to be happy.

Bye.