#144 Let me bore you to sleep - Jason Newland (9th May 2019)

Hello and welcome to LetMeBoreYouToSleep.com My name is Jason Newland This is Let Me Bore You To Sleep Please only listen to this when you can safely close your eyes As it's really boring So if you like what I do and you'd like to support me to help to cover the cost of this free service You can donate to paypal.me forward slash jason newland paypal.me forward slash jason newland And that would be much appreciated So, I'm trying to think what I spoke about yesterday I can't remember I don't remember So I thought, let's get back to,

let's get back to the beginnings Let's get back to the real nitty gritty of real boredom, real So, what I thought I'd do is make a list So I'm going to talk about clothing that I have owned There can't be anything more boring than that So, it would be different if I was a fashion guru, you know You say, well of course it's

interesting, I'm sure if, what's her name Lady Gaga did a talk about clothing that she'd owned, it would be interesting Or clothing that she'd eaten, I don't know, she's done lots of different clothing And I'm sure she couldn't fit it into one hour But, here we go I'm trying to think what's the first thing I can remember wearing I had, when I was about seven or eight I had a jacket, it was like a summer jacket And it was green, but it was like vomit green It was like very, kind of fluorescent, you know It

was painful to look at And at the time I didn't really care, I mean I just I've never been particularly fashion conscious Never been fashionable, I don't think I'm ever, well I have But I've never pulled it off Again, I have, but you know, not in the sense of fashion And, so that was when I was a kid The thing is when I was a kid I didn't have any choice what I wore It was a case of hand-me-downs And, well and also getting new stuff as well I suppose It's because my brothers were quite

a lot bigger than me So I couldn't really have their shoes Because I was two years younger than my second oldest brother And the oldest brother was four years older So I could never have his shoes But they used to try and pass on trousers and shirts and that kind of stuff Coats But I managed to get my own shoes, which was good And I don't remember, I remember I had a scarf once That my nan knitted And it was the longest scarf in history It was actually, it used to wrap around me about five

times And still touch the ground And before you say anything I wasn't standing on my head It was largely, it was that long, it was really, really long And it was multi-coloured And if you ever watched Doctor Who Or even if you, you may watch it now and still not know who I'm talking about One of the Doctors was called Tom Baker He was one of the actors who was the Doctor in Doctor Who In the 70s or early 80s So if you just Google that, Tom Baker And he also had a little dog called

Canine That was a little robot dog And he used to have this big, long scarf And he used to wear a hat And then the Doctor after him, Peter Davidson Also had a scarf But he dressed more like a cricketer Or like a, not a cricketer playing cricket But someone watching cricket Like very light colours, you know I think so anyway Yeah, it was very light You can imagine walking around in the summer Dressed like he was And feeling quite comfortable In the 80s Not in your 80s but during the 80s And so I had

these scarfs, well one scarf Personally I think it was about seven scarfs All just attached to each other And very big Very, very big I remember I used to I used to put it down my jacket And down my arms And pretend to have muscles So I'd have my coat on and I'd be doing all these poses These bodybuilding poses Or pretend to be the Incredible Hulk It's probably normal behaviour I imagine For a 25 year old So I wish I'd kept it really But then where do you keep all that stuff?

You know I was thinking the other day I wish I just had everything that I've ever owned Just had it available to just You know, diaries that I wrote when I was a kid Stories that I wrote when I was a kid Poems, songs Audios of me singing Just that stuff, I kind of wish I had all that But again where would I keep it? Yeah, maybe it's good not to have that stuff It's the past isn't it?

I suppose that's the good thing about these I suppose because I don't These are just online now So there's Thousands of people that have got these on their iPads Or iPods or Telephones and got me waffling on about stuff So now that's kind of I do have all the backups I do have them on a hard drive and everything All the, well most of the audios But I do wonder what's going to happen If I kind of was not able to make them anymore Or you know when I'm gone Will that mean that just all my stuff disappears?

Unless someone pays for the podcast to continue So my advice is download everything You know I'd give, if you want to download everything And stick them onto websites Build your own website and put my stuff on And then you can keep the legacy going Yeah!

And that'd help me, that'd help to promote it Or you don't have to download it but just put the Put the link, you know the link from the podcast Embed it into your website But anyway, back to the clothing Just have a quick little drink So I was looking at getting a new chair And I found a recliner That looks kind of okay But it doesn't have anywhere to put drinks Because I've got drink holders in both sides of this chair And I think I'd really miss it I think that's the thing I'd miss most

is the drink holders Because I have the drink on the right hand side On the left hand side I have the remote control for the telly And I just, I don't know, it seems weird I've just missed the two holes It's a bit weird not to get a new It feels weird not to move on with your life isn't it Let go of the past But I can't let go of the past because I've missed the two holes I don't want to, you know I don't want to make new holes Because that would mean ruining

the furniture so I don't know I've got a table, a little table to the left of me And I've got the wall to the right of me So there's nowhere to put anything to the right of me But there is something to put stuff on to the left of me But I don't want all this to be leaning over to the left Not that I have to lean over but I have to manoeuvre my hand Anyway I had a parka as well I don't actually know what parkas are Basically they used to be these You

could still buy them I think But they used to be really I don't know so much that they were popular but they were just used I think parkas were very much like tampons You know in the sense that they weren't used because they were popular It's just because that's all there was really You know now there's lots of different sanitary towels to choose from In those days a parka was about all you had And It's a weird connection or comparison but I'm just You know in the late 70s There wasn't a huge choice of stuff

like that for kids Not sanitary, I'm talking about the parkas And And It used to, the zip used to do up right the way to the top So that you I'll give you an idea if you want to know what a parka looks like If you watch the What's the South Park There's one of the kids in there wears a parka It's always done up and you can't see their face, can't see his face That's the thing, that's what a parka is The original parkas And they were great For like the wind and the snow

and everything Because it kept your face nice and warm And you could also wear balaclava as well but You know it didn't, balaclava Balaclavas are never really I think they really became very popular in society People have a stigma attached to them It just seems that Such a great idea I know they're used for like people that go skiing and stuff like that They're so good for keeping you warm Yet They've been ruined By people Misusing them I'd love to have a balaclava In fact I used to have one when I was a kid But

again it's That was just to keep us warm And I used to do a paper round You needed whatever you could have to keep yourself warm I don't think it was a full on balaclava though I think it was more of like a ski mask than a balaclava But you can't just walk around with a balaclava on You know just walking around the street Going into the shop, supermarket You know buying some bread and cheese Excuse me sir Could you please remove the balaclava?

But why? You must have your face uncovered But that's not true though is it? What do you mean? What about them over there? They've got their face covered That's different Yeah but why can't I have my face covered? I don't want you to see what I look like I want it to be a surprise I want it to be a surprise when we finally go out for our date What are you talking about? Date? Date? When? When?

I actually saw someone walk down the street And they had a full Again this isn't really relevant or They had a full gimp costume on Proper leather, plastic Everything, like the whole thing This was in the daylight This was in the middle of town On a Tuesday afternoon or whatever it was And personally I don't care what people wear I'm not really that interested but it does stand out It's not something that I see very often or ever have seen Outside of the internet really And I thought you know what?

That man has got some balls And it wasn't just a factual statement that everyone could see And agree with, well clearly he has But to be able to just dress up however you like Knowing that it goes against societal rules Unsaid rules of society Is something that I've never really done I kind of wish I could but I'm a bit old now really And I don't even do fancy dress parties I mean I did one once, what was it?

It was actually, it was Halloween And I was at work So I couldn't avoid going to work So I can avoid going to a fancy dress party by just not going And also not ever being invited helps But going to work, I didn't have a choice you know I had to be there because it was my job Yet everybody else was dressed up It was a Thursday or a Friday in the call centre They were all dressed up And you know werewolves See I'm quite a stiggler for costumes It's Halloween, it should be horror related

And that's what I always thought until Sarah from admin came in Dressed as Wonder Woman And I decided there and then that we should all be more open minded About how people dress It doesn't have to be about horror And it just opened my mind And from then on I like things to help me to grow as a person To become more self aware And less judgemental So I just went to work I didn't go in in a costume And my boss pulled me up Because we were supposed to be raising money for charity and

stuff And by dressing up there was a big contest to see who you know I think everyone put money in And whoever won 50% they could get And the other 50% went to charity or something like that I don't know, I forgot to listen And my boss came up to me And said why aren't you dressed up I said what?

He said why? It's Halloween today And I said yeah He said well look around you Everyone's dressed up And we looked around Looked at the vampire There was Roy who was in the corner Dressed as a werewolf There was Cindy Just as a bat Just covered in like Batty stuff Looked like a big bat And Tony was dressed in Not a great dress, not a great like thing But had bolts You know in either side of his temple And like dressed up a bit like Frankenstein And we looked at Sarah Dressed as Wonder Woman And 20 minutes later we Continued our conversation And I said what were you saying?

He said I'm not sure Oh yeah, why are you not dressed up? I said I am He said you've just got your shirt Your tie, your trousers Hopefully underwear And shoes What could you possibly be dressed up as? For Halloween? How could that be your costume? I said it is He said okay in that case what are you dressed up as? I said I am dressed I've come as A serial killer And he said what? I said yeah I've come as a serial killer He said what?

Serial killers don't wear capes you know Just dressed up is what I'm dressed as And he couldn't argue He was like oh Did not know what to say So I've spent a lot of time with shirts I've never been a big fan of ties I don't like them I really don't like them, I don't know what it is about it I think it's the constriction Maybe Yeah I'm not a big fan of ties Never really been a big fan of ties Probably because I had to wear a tie at school I didn't like it anymore

I think if I hadn't had to wear a tie I might have enjoyed the experience more I might have relished it I might have looked forward to it I might have actually became a fetish or something But because I had to wear a tie I never got to that experience of pleasure It was more of a chore It's a bit like cleaning a toilet If you have to do it It's no longer enjoyable So So I had this big scarf Actually I had a duffle coat But it was horrible It was good but the material

felt horrible It was all rough Oh I didn't like it And then yeah through my childhood I just had like jumpers Just the same as any other kids really I think Except I wasn't fashionable But then I don't think many young kids are Well maybe some are But it wasn't a thing to be fashionable Until probably I got into my teenage years And then that's when fashion started Kind of within my peer group or whatever You know school And I had these shoes And people used to make fun of me at school Called them beetle

crushers And apparently they were just massive The thing is I had quite big feet I've had a size 10 foot For as long back as I remember I think since I was about 3 So my feet have always been a lot bigger And I think the first thing My dad said when he saw me He actually had a go at the doctor He said why have you put flippers on my son's feet And the doctor said I haven't, that's his feet And I think my dad shook my legs around a little bit And the thing

is he didn't mind Because In the summer He used to get me to Sit next to him on the sofa And lay down and just Flap me feet to keep him cool So I'd be like a fan for him The thing is you'd think that I'd be a good swimmer With these feet but it didn't work out that way Because They were so powerful that I'd end up in the sky I'd end up flying And then I'd stop flapping and I'd land in the sea again And be like a whale Except without the I was

nothing like a whale really Probably more like a penguin But it was so powerful I was in a swimming pool And It was an indoor swimming pool in a leisure centre And I always used to stay I used to like swimming underwater Because I'd just Flap me legs Very much like the man from Atlantis Again that's something else to Google if you're under the age of 40 The man from Atlantis It was Bobby Ewing Brilliant show, loved that show So I used to Swim like the man from Atlantis From one side of the pool to

the other Like the whole length underwater When I was 7 or 8 or whatever And I found that easy because I couldn't swim I couldn't swim on top of the water But underneath the water I was fine And then one day I went And I swam to the Yeah to the bottom And it was the deep end And I was starting to run out of air So I kind of Decided I'd get to the surface pretty quick And so I flapped me feet Really quite hard To get to the surface because I was getting a

little bit Out of breath But I flapped too hard and I ended up shooting out of the water And I made a hole in the ceiling And apparently the seagulls Were very angry The seagulls that were on the roof They never forgave me I even tried to make it up with them Sent them a card and everything Sent them a couple of worms Chicken McNugget, nothing They weren't Oh you made a hole in our home Yeah that's not really your home is it It's a leisure centre ceiling It's the roof of a building that's used

by humans Oh that's a bit prejudiced So it was really hard to get any kind of dialogue with them I did try though So I kind of grew into my feet So now size 10 feet ain't that big for me You know it's They're still big really considering my height 5'8 But I've had these feet for a long Well I've had them most of my life, these feet And I grew into them It's the same as I grew into my ears I was born with really big ears Right So I was basically born with big

ears and big feet And then What happened is my head grew into my ears So I ended up with a big head And then And my little body Suddenly grew to trying to keep Up with my head So now I've got this big body It's weird, a weird process It's taken years to happen as well I mean I'm 103 now It's taken a while My big flappy ears and my big flappy feet Now don't seem so big Compared to the rest of my body I didn't realise why I like Sitting back in a recliner chair

because I can see my feet When I'm standing up I can't Because of Some people call it a belly, a beer belly What they don't realise is it's muscle I've just done too many sit ups And that's the problem People judge don't they Always judging Why don't you wear trousers more often People judge And they They don't realise They don't understand That I'm just too muscular I'm too strong and muscular And the muscles Have to come out somewhere But they won't come out on my legs Because I've got skinny, not skinny legs But I've got

quite small thin legs There's no fat on my legs at all Nothing And they're just kind of They're average size But I'm kind of more upper body Like weight wise But my belly is just So muscular That it looks like I've spent the last 20 years Drinking beer You know And it's that judgemental I wish I could just take my top off and say Look, no bra But they'd be lying because I wear it Because I do have a bra on I wish I could say just look Look at my belly, it's muscle But it

doesn't look like muscle It looks like a big fat beer belly And it's just Why couldn't it come out looking muscular But you know not everybody With muscles has the shape Of like a muscle man Or a muscle woman Not everybody's abdomen has a six pack Even those that are If you think about it Look at the world's strongest man And the title you may say is a bit sexist But it is just men in that particular competition I don't think one of them Has a slim waist Or a six pack Guaranteed that their bellies

Are not beer bellies They are And guaranteed if you went to rub their belly Or like gently caress it Or I don't know, stick your finger in their belly button Or just push on it gently Like teasingly Like oh who's pregnant now then You're pregnant again, what are you going to call it this one How long have you got left before you give birth The thing that you would never say to the world's strongest man And It would be hard I'm talking about their belly would be hard It would be muscular Just like the rest

of their body Solid muscle That's what I'm like Just my belly though, the rest of me isn't So I've got Kind of like the world's strongest man's belly But on The world's weakest man's body So it looks out of place But people don't realise That it's actually Muscle And I shall never back down from that Okay it's a lie I back down quite quickly So I had these big feet So I grew into the ears and the feet For a while it was like this head This big head and this big face And I know

that our faces get bigger when we get older It's just standard All our bits get bigger don't they Because we grow But I think when I was in my twenties I didn't have any fat on me You know it was just I was slim And just didn't have any Including my face It was just basically all you could see was my jaw And my cheekbones You know what I mean I didn't have lots of chins Perhaps sort of a fat neck Or anything like I might have now Or not fat unless it's muscular Muscular neck,

muscular chins All of them are muscular Little biceps that wobble Whenever I laugh I class it the Yeah, chin muscles I used to love dimples I remember I met someone When I was at school She got lovely dimples And I always liked dimples after that And I just met someone years ago She had lovely dimples But she only had on her left side of her cheek And I thought oh, it's just so cute Every time she smiled she had a dimple I didn't realise she had teeth missing That's the only reason she had the dimple

It wasn't the dimple at all She had teeth missing When she smiled the bit of skin Went inside the gap That bothered me I never realised what dimples were I thought they were some kind of Special spiritual thing I'm sure they don't all come from missing teeth But I've only got a gap In one part of my mouth But I've got two teeth that got took out Over the last 30 years On the left side I've got a gap of two teeth that aren't there And It doesn't really make too much difference To the way

I talk Because I use my throat when I talk And my tongue But I don't talk with my mouth Yeah, I think I do wonder like how If it would make any difference To the way I talk if I had those two teeth back I'd quite like to have those years back Go back to 1990 Or was it 1989 When I had the first one out Yeah, I think it was 1989 I had that tooth out And I decided I was going to keep my teeth clean forever And I was brushing my teeth Thinking I'm

never going to have another tooth removed Ever, ever, ever And I was just Seriously, I was brushing my teeth Constantly Constantly And I'd smile at people and they'd go And they'd go screaming It was too bright My teeth were too white Especially in the summer Seriously, I remember once I was on the beach and I smiled at someone And the sun hit my glasses It hit my teeth Bounced off and singed their puppy Poodle I literally like bounced off and started burning Through the poodle's fur Didn't get hurt or anything But managed to put it

out But it's like wow, that's powerful stuff Where are the ants at?

No, I didn't do stuff like that I did when I was a kid but that was Silly It's amazing some of the silly things I did when I was a kid Armed robbery You know what I mean? At six It's just so ridiculous So I Did I have a glove of coats and jackets?

Did I have I can't remember really much about being a kid Clothes wise But I think I probably had a couple of Christmas jumpers And My Nan Who I loved deeply Still love her, she's dead but I still love her But she used to make these Jumpers That I, remember I told you about my head Well Even when my head wasn't big My head did grow Bigger than my body A lot quicker than my body And she'd make these jumpers that my head Just really couldn't fit through It was like some kind of Birthing device,

seriously like I was giving birth to myself Every time I put it on And then there's this thing just stuck to my neck And I was like, I had to have a Oxygen mask Just to get through Christmas dinner It was so tight on my neck and my chest It was really, really bad this jumper But it had a little Christmas pudding on the front So that was the main thing But I think she must have Just, it was too small for me And I was little to start with I think she was just getting

muddled up between me and my 8 year younger brother You know Who was like 4 at the time So I think maybe I was 12, he was 4 That would make sense, mind you He was born with a big head, didn't have big ears But his head He's now 41 or 40 His head now is the same size As it was when he was born Seriously, he was born You know people say, oh we're born with the eyes Our eyes are fully developed The same size, all our eyes His head has been that He was

born with the same size head And he looks exactly the same At 40 as he did when he was a little kid Same head, same face It's really weird He's a lovely looking chap Just the same size head People don't realise it Wow I'm surprised his mum talks to him That's something, how do you ever forgive that?

She's Yeah, it's Yeah, she was in a wheelchair for a few years But she's alright now So yeah, he's big, same head Same size, massive head It's not big now, but it was You know, it's human size now Because it's adult, but he was born with an adult size head And So I was born with adult size feet He was born with an adult size head I wonder what my other brothers were born with I don't know about I can't remember, they seem quite fairly normal to me Can't imagine if I had kids What if

I had a kid and he's like 5 foot 10 when he's born But actually he never got taller than that That was like, he was born the full height That would be weird, wouldn't it?

You'd be pulling a baby out And you'd actually be in the hallway, outside of the room In the hallway, still pulling Still coming And my dad would be there Saying, laughing, saying I hope you ain't got the same size feet as you had Otherwise she's in trouble in a minute They're never going to get him out Which is a bit rude, a bit rude thing to do It's like, what are you doing in here dad? You shouldn't be in here He said I couldn't resist I needed a good laugh But would he?

Yeah, I never, not reconstructed Reproduced Yeah, I never did that I've done other things though Once played the bugle I know it's not the same as reproducing and having babies and stuff But I was quite good at it It was this tune, it would go like Doo doo Doo doo Doo doo Doo doo Doo doo Doo doo Doo doo The thing about it is With the bugle It's all like Tongue movement It's all very much to do with your tongue But It's also imagination as well Because you've got the tongue movement But you kind of

imagine what Sound you want to come out And it does affect the sound that comes out And it's very much like hypnosis Is imagination It's like, what is it you want to happen What results Is it that you're Wanting, expecting Wishing for Or demanding even Demanding That's what I felt with the bugle I didn't really know what I was doing And then I started imagining That I was sounding the same as the other bugle players And I just copied them But I wasn't copying their tongue movement Because I didn't know what their tongue movement was

Because they didn't There was no We didn't get all together and practice tonguing It was kind of It was kind of like learned by By ear in a sense And it is like Doing like a raspberry You know like a You know when you do like a Pretend fart out of your mouth Like that That's kind of like playing a bugle With some puff obviously With some air that you're blowing out of your lungs But it's imagination What the actual note That you're wanting to play That you're wanting to come out of it And I

don't know I quite like to give it a go To see if I can still do it Although I don't think the neighbours would be too pleased Can you imagine I think that's the only reason I kept playing the bugle for so long It's because I knew it annoyed the family I knew that when I was playing it They'd be downstairs trying to watch television Hearing me You know just I took up the violin for that as well I just I learnt the glocking spill What did I do The violin was first Then I learnt

the bugle Then I learnt the glocking spill And then I learnt the drums And because I was in the sea cadets So I marched Playing the bugle many occasions The glocking spill again Many occasions and also The drums, well one drum I think it was in front of me You know like I used to like it, I used to like drums It was fun The thing is, it was quite easy It wasn't like a drum set It was just It was quite easy to do it To play it Because it was quite basic Yeah I

quite liked it And also it doesn't matter because if you do it wrong No one really cares Unless you're doing it on your own Then people can hear that it's ridiculous If it's bad but If you're with another six people that are also playing the drums And if you're in a carnival Where there's other bands, like you've got the air cadets And maybe you've got the Army cadets And they've all got their own bands and drums And then you've got the Salvation Army Playing their drums And then maybe some floats with people on drums So

yeah it kind of It all mixes into one big horrible Din really I never really wanted to be a drummer though Not like a proper, I want a drum kit I did learn to play music with the violin I actually learnt to read music And I didn't get like far into it But I played the violin for probably about a year or so Maybe two years And I There was this school thing Like a school concert Where my Yeah I basically played I think there was two of us playing together And we got through it

And that was probably Probably the most nervous I think I've ever Ever been up to that point Because there was all these parents and everything And there was my dad laughing He was trying to hold the He was laughing so much the whiskey was spilling out of his bottle And so that didn't help But no he didn't, he wasn't drinking whiskey And there was a flask of brandy I don't know, I'm just making it up Playing a violin With one other person It would have been easier to do it on my own Because then I

could have just made it up But when you're doing it with someone It has to be at the same time as them So we weren't complimenting each other We were, you know It wasn't like a piano One was the black keys, one was the white keys It was like both were Both keys at the same time And I can't remember what the song was But we had the music in front of us And it lasted It couldn't have lasted more than a couple of minutes It wasn't like a big long It wasn't Beethoven or anything

like that But I remember the The violin I had I remember the first time, I remember the smell The smell of it And bringing it home in the case And Having the The bow was Attached to the top of the case And the violin was like, you know Nice and snug into the bottom of the case And I had a Sponge Like a car sponge You know what you would wash a car with I had a car sponge and an elastic band Around it So that it tucked into the left of my Underneath my chin

So that it was comfortable And yeah I used to I had these things These I forget what it was, whether it was chalk or grease or something Where I used to clean the bow Because it was horse hair And I used to clean the bow And another thing that I used to use to clean the strings As well And yeah All in all I kind of I kind of wish I'd kept up with the violin Because I wasn't good at it But I was okay at it I could have become good at it I believe

anyone can become good at anything if they want to And I had the ability to do the basics You know, to read music I don't know how to read music now But I knew how to read music And how to play from reading music Chords and stuff like that Still basic stuff But it was It was more than just basic And I had I think I had one or two lessons a week During my play time So it was like one on one Music lessons as well as the group music lessons I think I wanted

to do it So I didn't have to play outside And be social I can't remember Yeah I wonder if that means that I'm like Sherlock Holmes Yeah I used to think Well I used to be actually When I was about Ten Maybe eleven I was in A group of detectives We had a detective agency Me and my friends And I was really I really liked this friend Because he was different from all the others that I had And he was It's quite weird And I don't understand this But I was a bit rough when I

was a kid And I wasn't really Intellectual or anything like that I was just Not a troublemaker but I was happy to Be involved with people that were But I also liked being around people that were really clever That were really Intellectual you know And And talking to those people So it's yeah I never was able to just Stick to one type of person I liked Yeah I liked to I liked talking about To people that were more intelligent than me Or that I felt they were Yeah And I think this kid This friend Who

ran the It was his detective agency And he lived in a house And it was full of music I don't mean like Disney or anything It was just He played the cello And there was guitars Pianos, violins Everything He just you know His whole family played different instruments And he had this room right at the top of the house Which was his room but it was like an office He had a desk and he had And it was like admin And we had our detective agency And it was only just started it up We were

going to start looking into stuff And start cracking some cases and things And then I was there Upstairs in his bedroom And he said I've got some bad news or something He said I'm moving away I said what?

He said yeah and his parents decided to move Away I don't know where I never saw him again And I was like so sad because I was like what? Why?

You know I was getting really into it I could do the administration And it could be business And it could be like the You know like the kids books Sort of cracking crimes And was it the Famous Five Or I don't know what they were But it never happened Because I used to have books on being a detective And little kits Special agent kits and badges And handcuffs And different codes Again I had some friends And they were clever Like in the top of the year Like for maths and English And all that stuff But

again I managed to be really friendly with them Because we liked to do codes And we used to make these codes up This was in the first year of high school When I was about 11 or 12 We'd make these codes up And you'd miss stuff out So for example a code You'd miss every third Every third letter would be A fifth letter Or something like that Every letter would be just a simple code Like A would actually be D And then every other letter would be three ahead And then you'd be able to sort

of put a A big like Conversation together That was secret that no one else knew what it was And we'd have a book of codes And then you could sort of Choose which code you wanted to use And no one would be able to figure it out So they were like I guess really good at maths I always just enjoyed doing that I was never really good at maths But I enjoyed the codes Putting codes together because it was secret And it was fun, exciting And I decided to be the joker No the riddler, not

the joker I decided to be the riddler Like from Batman And I used to kind of I used to put riddles together And hide stuff around the school And people used to search for them Like with my friends And I'd put these riddles together And maybe make it rhyme And the teachers weren't too happy Apparently I was supposed to spend some time in class But it was fun while it lasted It only lasted I think for the first year And then I made my own amusement up But yeah I was going to talk about my

clothes I'll have to do it another time Because I've run out of time yet again 65 minutes of nothing Well thank you for listening And I'll speak to you next time Hopefully I bored you to sleep If it didn't I'll talk about my clothes another time I promise Bye