#110 Let me bore you to sleep - Jason Newland (9th March 2019)

Hello and welcome to jasonnewland.com My name is Bobby Nuland. I'm Jason's older brother. As you can hear I sound kind of similar but I've got a much croakier manly voice.

And I don't know why I said that. It's not, it's me, it's Jason. Hi.

I don't, I don't, I don't talk like that do I? Yeah, welcome to jasonnewland.com. My voice does sound a bit croaky today. But it's okay. I don't mind.

And that's kind of the main thing really. And this is let me bore you to sleep. Number, I think it's a number 110.

I think. I may be right. So I'm just sitting, I can't figure out, I'm sitting, I'm sitting.

I've got a big black squeaky chair. Andre is asleep. He's fast asleep.

In fact, I've been out and I've come back and he hasn't come out at all to say hello. He's just, in fact, I don't know where he is. I've got itchy thigh and he might be in his bag.

He might be on my bed. He could be in a variety of different places. He likes to, he basically likes to sleep around.

Oh yeah, only listen to this when you can safely close your eyes and only watch this if you're watching it on YouTube when you can safely close your eyes. But of course you can watch it if it's on a different place as well, like Twitch or Facebook or, you know, wherever really. And just make sure you can safely close your eyes because safety comes before pleasure.

That's what they said at school. Never really understood it. And what else? Oh yeah, please subscribe if you love what I do.

If you just think it's absolutely glorious, you know, it's one of those things and you think, you know what, that Jason, that Jason Newley, you know, all these sleepy things, it's absolutely top-notch. Then, you know, please subscribe to YouTube. And also you can, if you want to support me, you can share the videos or you can take a step further and actually make a donation.

Just go to my website, the donation box is there. It's a picture of a small child begging, holding a little bucket. That's not, it's just a PayPal thing.

Or if you can't bother to go there, you could just put paypal.com forward slash. I don't know what it is. That's terrible, isn't it? Is it just my name? Jason Newland.

I think that is just paypal.me. That's it, it's not .com. paypal.me forward slash Jason Newland. Or just click on the link on my website. I realized if everybody who listens to my recordings, to the podcasts, was to donate a dollar or a pound or a yen.

I don't know what a yen is. Do yen still exist? I know a lot of the currencies around the world have disappeared. Like in Ireland, the coke or poker, what did they used to call the money there? But it's gone now, it's now euro.

And I do believe in Germany, the money there was sausages. I don't know, I forget. But I think the money in Germany is euros.

And I don't know if the yen is euros. I don't think so because China didn't become, China didn't become part of Europe. And America, and it's got dollars.

But then you've got dollars in Canada, and I think there's dollars in Australia. I think there's even dollars in South Africa, unless they have yen. I suppose they could have, no, they don't have the euros in South Africa.

Pretty sure they've got dollars, but it would be a different type of dollar. Because like the Canadian dollar isn't the same as the United States dollar. It's the same as the United States dollar, it's different from the Canadian dollar.

But they're still spelt the same, it's still dollar. D-O-L-L-A-R, dollar. Was it dollar? O-R-E-R, dollar, dollar.

See when I say it, I say dollar. Which would be an A, no R at all. D-O-L-L-A, dollar, dollar, dollar.

So it makes sense. In my head, I think it's D-O-L-L-A-R. But for some reason, that doesn't seem right.

It seems as if perhaps the correct spelling would be D-O-L-L-E-R. But I still have that little nag, little niggle in my brain saying, are you sure Uncle JJ that it's not D-O-L-L-O-R? And in a way, I think all three, is it three? D-O-L-L-E-R, that's one. D-O-L-L-A-R, that's two.

D-O-L-L-O-R, that's three. Yeah, all three. Or four if you include D-O-L-L-A.

Now for some reason, dollar with the D-O-L-L-A seems to make more sense to me. But I might be thinking of rap videos or like a rap song because dollar, the word dollar is used quite often. But then as I think back to the Bionic Man back in the early 80s when I used to watch it, well, late 70s as well.

And see, I don't remember, it was the Six Million Dollar Man, Six Million Dollar Man, but also the Bionic Man. So I'm not sure what the title was, whether it's the same, both of those titles or whether it just changed from one to the other. But we used to call him the Bionic Man because the Six Million Dollar Man just, it was a mouthful and it was a bit too, it felt a little bit like walking around with a receipt.

You know, what are you watching tonight? Oh, let me have a look at my receipt. Oh, it's Six Million Dollars. Oh yeah, Six Million Dollar Man.

It cost him six million dollars, you know, to have his legs and arms and his eye replaced. Yeah, but I'm getting caught up a little bit too much on the cost of the medical procedures and I kind of agreed with that. So I elected to go with the Bionic Man, but I'm not sure if that was the correct term.

I mean, it was one of the titles of the show, but I don't remember which one. I'm guessing, and I'm making this up, it might surprise you, I sometimes do that, is that the first season or series was the Six Million Dollar Man. And then later on, because it went on for quite a few years, I do believe, they just shortened it to The Bionic Man.

Although it's not really shortened, if it's a completely different title, it's just changed the title, not shortened the title, even if the title is shorter than the original title, but it's a different title. You know, if it was a Six Million Dollar Man, and they change it to Six Million Man, then it's shortened, isn't it? But to call him the Bionic Man, the only difference, I suppose, well, there's a similarity to man, it's the man bit. So maybe they classed it as they shortened it down to man, and then added some.

Instead of being a Six Million Dollar Man, they took away the, and took away six, took away million, and took away dollar. So we're just left with man. But then they realized that, you know what? Who's going to know what it is? Can't name a television program man.

No one's going to know what it means. So they got thinking. This is my assumption.

I don't know. I wasn't there. I was just a child.

I was still trying to figure out the difference between sand and mud. And I guess they just thought, oh, we'll just add a little bit extra to the word man. And maybe they got together, because I'm sure that in those situations, they probably get a bunch of creative people together in a room to kind of thrash it out, to just rub off each other and see what could make them come up with something useful that they could use instead of just the word man, to see what between them they could produce.

And I imagine they produced quite a lot amongst them, if that depends how many they were. But there was like five or six. They probably produced quite a lot of ideas.

But then the bionic man, because it was, he was bionic. That was the thing. Because I imagine there would be one person, because they're sitting around, and they've all got the receipts in their wallets.

Six million dollar man, cost six million. Oh, you carry around a receipt as well? Yeah, I do. Yeah.

A lot of people to know that I work on a show. Oh, excellent. But I reckon someone said, you know what? We've been making this show.

It's very popular. It's pretty much one of the most popular shows in the television watching world. And I imagine the other people thinking, well, yeah, it is.

And haven't we done well? Let's pat each other on the backs. And someone might have said, no, wait, not yet. Not yet.

What is it about him that really stands out? And one of them might say, well, it's Lee Majors, isn't it? He's a handsome devil. And no one can deny that. That's true.

He was very handsome. Still is, I'm sure. Very handsome, 90 year old now.

I said, okay. But what else? What about his little squinty eye? He used to always had that one eye that he had half closed. Yeah.

But he had that anyway before he took the role. Yeah. But we included that into the role so that he had, because originally he didn't have a bionic eye.

He just, you know, because he had his eye, one eye kind of nearly closed. I don't know how he got a driving license, but he had one eye nearly closed. We thought, it looks like he's focusing on something far away in the distance.

And they thought, ah, so let's give him a bionic eye. And then someone said, wait a minute, you said the word bionic. And Bloke said, yeah, I also said eye.

You're very quick today. He said, don't, don't be rude. We've had this discussion.

I want to take it back to HR. I said, okay, sorry, boss. Bionic.

That's the word. Bionic man. What about man bionic? What? What about man bionic? Why wouldn't it make more sense to call him the bionic, the bionic man? You know what? When I heard bionic man, I thought, that's good.

There was something missing. The, what about an? What? What about an bionic man? Or an man bionic? Are you all right today, Cyril? You're acting very strange. Oh, I'm okay.

Just a bit drunk. So that's what we go with. The bionic man.

It's much catchier than the $6 million man. That's just, that's a title that goes on forever. Bionic man's catchy.

So we call it that from now on. Everyone already loves to show. Everyone, you know, they don't, when they see him in action, fighting a big grizzly bear, they're not thinking that cost 6 million pound that it did for him to be able to do that.

No, they're thinking he's bionic. Look how strong he is. He's fighting that grizzly bear.

Looks nothing like a man in a costume. He doesn't. He's, he's, look, oh, when he runs, he runs in slow motion.

He's a bit weird. So when he's running fast, well, who came up with that idea? We've got an idea. What's that? When the bionic man, because we don't really have the technology at the moment.

Star Wars hasn't, well, Star Wars was invented, but you know, we don't have the technology for television yet, you know, for the special effects. So how about whenever the bionic man, nearly said the $6 million man then. So whenever the bionic man runs fast, you, you see him move in slow motion.

Okay. Well, what would be the point of that? Well, if he really did run as fast as we're saying he does, then we wouldn't be able to see him, would we? It'd be very difficult to catch up. And all part of the acting process is seeing the emotions on his face.

And he won't be able to see that if he's running like really, really fast. They said, oh, okay. That makes sense, I suppose.

But when people think that he's just moving really slowly, how will they know that he's moving really fast? Or how will they know that? And you could have the same thing if he jumps off a bridge or he jumps, jumps high, couldn't you? Because that'd be really fast as well, I suppose. But how would you know he's moving fast? How about we have a sound effect? What kind of thing? What do you mean like, or no, no. What about this? Wow.

That's amazing. And that is, that is phenomenal. See? I thought it would be.

So if he's crushing an orange or he's jumping or he's moving really fast, you can just hear him go but it sounded a bit better than that because that's just me. You know, I can't be around for every single scene and every episode just to do the you might need to get, you know, special effects to work on that. But you get the idea.

Well, yeah, I quite like it if you just did it. But I just said I can't be every episode. I've got other things, other commitments as well.

You know, we've got to write the script. We've got to, we've got to work on all kinds of like characters and, you know, there's a lot involved in this, isn't it? You know that. Yeah, but I think you should do the sound though.

Yeah, but I can't be every scene where the bionic man, nearly said $6 million man again, when the bionic man uses his bionic powers. You know what? I quite like the idea when you said that, the bionic powers. Why don't we call him the bionic powerful man or the bionically powerful man or the bionic man that's got power.

What about the $6 million man that has bionic powers? What would be the point in that? Well, it would be a good description, very thorough and to the point and it doesn't leave any scope for misinterpretation. It's just a television show. Yeah, I know.

But is it? Yes, it is really. It's just a television show. Ah, however, no, no, however, however is necessary.

It is a television show called, well now it's called the bionic man. Okay, fair enough. So we'll get the soundtrack sorted.

So it goes dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, and then he moves and I don't know what else could we do? So we've got his eye, he's got his hands, his legs. I'll tell you what would be good. Well, how about, are you ready for this? Yeah.

How about, are you all ready for your minds to just be expanded beyond, you know, imagination? Yeah, go on. How about we build a doll to sell to the kids and call it, you ready? The bionic man. Okay.

How would we build a doll? Well, that's the good thing, you see. All we have to do is copy the action man. Absolutely duplicate the action man completely, including the fuzzy hair on the top, including the whole body exactly the same.

And a good thing is because my son, he has an action man and it's called Eagle Eye because he can actually change the, he's got a thing on the back of the head where he can make the eyes move. Wow. So we could use that technology for the bionic man's doll.

And something's even better while I was thinking is because we can have lots of different costumes for him. You know, the way that Wonder Woman has all the different costumes for her, like the flippers and, you know, the swimming costume, that doll. And what is it? The one where she flies in the plane, invisible plane.

It's, I actually, I bought one for my daughter. I haven't told you this story. I bought a kit for my daughter and it was in the, it was basically, it was faulty.

All right. And it didn't have all the bits. So I gave it to my daughter for Christmas and it was the, the plane, you know, and she said, so I had all the stuff, all the kit for her to wear.

And she said, dad, it's missing. I said, what? She said, well, there's no plane. I said, yes, there is.

She said, no, there isn't. I said, yeah, it's there. Where? I said, it's invisible.

And she wasn't happy. So what we could add to this, because, you know, can have all these costumes and because a good thing about the bionic man is he's been in so many different situations. He's scuba dived, he's mountaineered, you can have lots of different costumes for him.

A special thing you can have is you can have super grip hands, which action man already has. And here's a special thing, which I just thought, have like a little magnifying glass that goes through its head so that you can actually, or maybe through one of the eyes, so you can see further into the distance. It's like a little, like a tiny little telescope, but that'll cost a fortune.

Telescopes cost millions of pounds. It's not going to be a real telescope. You're not going to spend millions of pounds on each doll, are we? And that's called the $6 million man, but not a $6 million toy or doll.

Just a little bit of magnification so that the one eye is stronger than the other, which is how it is in the show. So he's got a bionic eye, but I don't think he can see into space. How do you know he can't see into space? Well, I don't know he can't see in space.

I'm guessing he wouldn't need that kind of technology to see into space. Because why would you need it? What possible reason would you need to be able to see galaxies, other galaxies, just in your normal day-to-day life? I mean, if he was an astrology or astronomist or space cadet, or I don't know, yeah, you might need it. But even then, you probably wouldn't want it in your eye, would you? As you're walking around with the Hubble telescope in your head the whole time, you'd get no rest, would you? You'd have to keep your eyes closed most of the time because it'd just be distorted.

You know, you're eating your dinner, one eye's looking at the fish fingers and the other eye's looking at a table and it can see all the different atoms living on the tabletop. All the little tribes and the little cities of germs all living together in harmony. Wouldn't that be a telescope though? No, microscope, not telescope.

A microscope is a telescope, isn't it? It's something that's magnified. It's just they're aimed at different things. A telescope is aimed upwards.

A microscope is aimed downwards towards a thing that it's aimed at. Oh yeah, I suppose so. So we'll do this doll.

Yeah, do the doll and it'll be really good and we'll be able to make money from it. But we won't be able to make money, will we? We just get a set salary. Yeah, but we'll be able to, you know, the company will make money.

Okay, fair enough. That's what I think might have happened to that television show. I used to quite like some of the shows when I was a kid.

One of my favourite shows, when the Incredible Hulk was one of my favourite shows, one of my personal favourites that I didn't share with anybody else. By that I don't mean it was made specifically for me, but I watched it and no one else in my family watched it. I watched, it was on five o'clock or something in the afternoon and it's called Mr Merlin.

And it was great. It was basically this, I think, was it a mechanic? Was he a mechanic? But it was Merlin, like, you know, the original Merlin from King Arthur's days. But he just happened to be living in the 80s, 1980s.

And there was this young lad called Zachary or Zach that started going around and Merlin started to train him up. And Merlin had an owl, big white owl. And there was a staircase that used to go up.

I think he went up or went down. I think he went up. And it led to this big place where there was a magical place or whatever.

But it was quite cool. I'm not really describing it very well, to be fair. But I just liked it.

It was something magical. I know it's a pun. It was a magical show.

And I think Zach had a girlfriend or a female that also used to come along as well and participate in various adventures that may have also included time travel. I think. I think so.

I don't know what other shows. I used to like a show called Alice. And this is an American show.

And again, it used to be on 4.30, five o'clock. And I was probably about eight. Yeah, nine.

I was probably about 11, possibly 10 or 11 when this was on. And I don't know if it was even still on in America when it was being shown in England. Because at the time it was on every single evening or every afternoon.

I think probably either BBC Two or Channel 4. And it was on, you know, like five, five days a week. So it was on for ages. They showed it for a long time.

I loved it because there is Alice who worked in a diner. Then there was Alf or Al that worked in the kitchen. And he was like a little bloke with a bald head who liked to shout a lot.

And then there was the one of the waitresses. I forget her name, but she was very loud. And I think quite rude to customers.

And then there'd be regular customers that come in. And I think Alice had a kid, pretty sure. And so yeah, and that's basically it was all just based around the diner where they all worked.

And the various adventures they had within the diner and some stuff that happened outside as well. But it was, I don't know why I liked it. I think I just, I got a thing for American TV shows.

I think that's what it must be. I just like, I prefer American TV shows to English ones quite a lot of the time. Just, I don't know what it is.

I'm, I think I'm semi-American. I'm a semi. I have a, I don't have a semi.

I have, I have a flat that I live in. It's, can flats be semi? You can't have a detached flat, can you? Because if it's detached, you still got upstairs or downstairs connected. So you can never be, oh, semi.

That could be, I suppose, a semi. You can never have a detached flat. Oh, I had weird dreams last night.

Kept dreaming about women. Seriously, just really, I don't know, maybe I need to get a girlfriend or something. But I was just dreaming about various different women.

Females from the past and women that I've really liked, but not done anything about. Not, you know, let them know how I felt. And yeah, it's strange really.

Then I woke up, went back to bed and had even more dreams. Woke up again, then went back to bed and again had more dreams. Like where are these coming from? I wonder why I'm thinking about stuff like that.

I don't know. Maybe it is time for me to settle down and get married. I'm trying to think who I'm, do you know when you're younger and you make a promise, not a promise, but like a, I don't know what the right word is, but you know, you say to someone, okay, if you're not married and I'm not married by the time we get to 50, we'll marry each other.

And you both say yes, but neither of you mean it. And both of you hope that it never happens. Just like, please.

Well, I think I've done that with a few people and I will be 50 in, well, next year, next August, not this August, but the next August afterwards. So I have to get to 49 first and then there'll be a year and then I'll be 50. And, but I've still got, how long have I got till I'm 49? It's March the, I don't know what day it is.

It's the 9th today, 10th. So March, April, May, June, July, August. So I've got five months until I am, uh, 49.

I can't believe it. Even 29 seems a bit old. For me, I mean, it just doesn't, 29, 39 seems maybe, okay, 39, 49.

I don't, I don't feel it. I don't even feel it physically. You know, I'm not, I'm not quite the acrobat I once was, if I'm honest.

You know, there's certain things that I used to do that I don't now. There was a time when, if there was a railing up, you know, to divide the pavement from the road or the sidewalk from the road, I would just jump over the railing. Now I will walk 10 miles if I have to, to walk around the railing.

I'm, I can't, I'm not jumping over anything. I just don't see the point in taking the risk. Things like running for a bus.

I don't think I've ever met a bus important enough to run for, for quite a long time. I think in some ways this is better to be late than to run. Sometimes it really depends upon what you're doing, I suppose, doesn't it? So I guess if you, if you need to be somewhere, because when I moved here four years ago, well, it's nearly four years ago, it'll be four years in April, which is next month.

And I think I came, actually, I visited or viewed the property the Tuesday after Easter, four years ago. And when I moved here, the buses were every 20 minutes. So that meant that they were three times an hour, which wasn't too bad, really.

You know, whatever time you got there, there was never a long wait for the next one. And then last year, they changed the bus timetable so that it's every half an hour on Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, Fridays, and Saturdays. However, on Sundays, it's every two hours, which is, I don't know if you agree, but slightly weird.

Every two hours. And the bus doesn't come through the estate. It goes around, so you can't even go to the normal bus stop.

I remember once I went up there, went to the bus stop that I had to wait at, and there was a couple of people waiting. And I thought, oh, I must be in time for a bus, must be about to come. And we were waiting there for half an hour.

They were looking at their watches, making a phone call, and eventually a car pulls up and they get in, they drive off. And I'm there on my own, waiting for the bus, waiting, waiting. Got to 40 minutes, nothing.

45 minutes, no sign of the bus. 50 minutes, no sign of the bus. Over an hour in the end, I just gave up and came home.

You may say, well, yeah, but you didn't wait for two hours. I probably waited for about an hour and a half. Yeah.

So yeah, that's why I don't really travel on Sundays, unless I'm just going to the garage and I might go there and I'll walk to the garage because I don't need to get the bus, because it's not far from here. It's not next door, which I'm quite glad of in some ways, because traffic would be atrocious. But it's far enough away for it to be a little journey.

And I used to go, well, when I do go, I take Andre with me. And he's in his bag. They like me to have him in a bag because for whatever reason, he just likes to get out and to walk.

He loves walking. It's his absolute favorite thing in the world, other than to bite my toes when I just go out of the bath. Now he loves that.

Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Oh, yes.

So that brings me nearly to the end of yet another wonderfully action packed. Let me bore you to sleep. So take care of yourselves and I will see you next time.