#104 Let me bore you to sleep - Jason Newland (2nd March 2019)

Hello and welcome to jasonnewland.com.

Please only listen to this recording when you can safely close your eyes because this let me bore you to sleep session may cause you to feel tired and perhaps wanting to fall asleep and also if you're watching this on YouTube also please only watch this video when you can safely close your eyes as this may cause drowsiness so that's that big long introduction to this let me bore you to sleep number 100 I think it's a hundred and four I think is yep I did actually last night about what time was it about half nine

I or maybe it was about 20 22 minutes past nine something like that and I started a live broadcast on Facebook a live video stream on Facebook and I called that let me bore you sleep 104 live on Facebook and my intention for that was that it was gonna be you know a let me bore you to sleep and I was gonna convert the video to audio and upload it to the podcasts however it wasn't a let me bore you to sleep it was just it was something different and I just decided to stop the

recording after about I think I think I was there to about 39 minutes and I deleted the video afterwards because it wasn't anything I know these you could say aren't anything but they're purposely that way they're designed in a specific way to tune into that boredom limit that we all have within us where you just you cross the line and you want to close your eyes and no part of you thinks that anything interesting is going to arise at any moment and you know you can still continue to listen with your eyes closed you might

just decide to fall asleep because that's better than listening to me going on and on now with the video yesterday the live stream it just turned into me reading out comments that were being left on Facebook which is something that I did invite people to do and then it just seemed a bit pointless it's not something that I enjoy doing or maybe it's something that I need to be in a certain mood to do that's probably more realistic so I have done some live streams where I've had some fun and it was one a while

back not that long ago but it was just me and some people on Facebook and we I was singing a few songs and I was just acting a bit silly and that was quite fun I suppose I quite like it when things are light-hearted and just gentle that's kind of where I prefer to be these days maybe I'm just getting old I'm not interested in conflict or controversial stuff or trying to do doing something for shock value I used to do that a lot when I was younger I was I was a comedian and I

used to do very shocking jokes purposely to not upset people but to shock them and to make them laugh but you know I was 20 at the time well plus seven years of doing it but when I started that was 1991 January I think you'll have to check your calendar for this but I think pretty much my first ever performance in an actual comedy club was I think it was January the 23rd and it was a Wednesday evening in 1991 so maybe you can google that date to see if it's real or not what's gonna

be a real date but I don't know if it was definitely a Wednesday I've got that date in my head the 23rd unless it was the 16th they weren't my first gigs because I actually did a gig I entered into a competition so my very first stand-up performance was for a competition for Sky and that's a you may not know who they are they're like what are they a huge company actually now but they satellite television they do internet and at the time Sky was a joke people used to laugh at Sky because they had

satellite dishes and they couldn't even give away their services I used to work for them for a while and people didn't even want it for free but now you know they're really really good and worth billions and billions and billions of dollars so back then this was just a really low-budget television show kind of on cable or satellite satellite channel so I remember going along to it because it was in where was it in I'm sure it might be it might have been in Croydon but it might not have been it was quite weird because

I actually became friends with a person that won that contest but I didn't meet him at the at the contest because I didn't even get through to the television episodes I did some stand-up didn't know what I was doing and then I went home and I wasn't I wasn't allowed any further but I got a couple of laughs which was nice I think the first one was when I said that I was a comedian but I laughed then and in my second performance was earlier in the month in January 1991 because the the contest I

did or entered for was in 1990 I think it was in the summer anyway I went to this I think this was a contest as well this was a talent show in a pub and yeah I don't really recall much of it other than I didn't I didn't win anything might have even been the same week as the first proper gig I say proper gig but proper stand the proper comedy club that I went to so I think the the first one in London that I went to in January 1991 was on a Monday some

talent show and then I went to a place called the comedy cafe which was they had so I didn't know it's a comedy club because I found out the details of this talent contest which what it was in it was a paper called the stage and it was I don't know if it was weekly or fortnightly or monthly but it was basically specifically for actors and actresses and people in the business you know of performing or anything to do with stage you know performance production things like that so I used to buy it and then

look through the adverts I think they were at the back I think they were because I just got this memory because you know most papers that I ever really remember looking at the adverts it's usually the adverts were at the back aren't they like the I know you get like full page adverts and like half page adverts throughout the page throughout the paper but the the listings or the the free ads or the buy and sell kind of adverts they're generally in my memory at the back or near the back because the right at the

back is usually the sports section so the buying and selling or the is usually a collection of different things isn't there in a newspaper for example there'd be maybe like a car section the cars for sale maybe registration numbers for sale there perhaps be a section where people can sell like white goods you know things like kitchen appliances fridges freezers not dustpan and brush what's it called you know you put your your dishes in dishwasher washing machine maybe cooker but not all cookers are white though are they but not all washing machines are white either

I've seen I've seen different colored appliances it's a bit of prejudice really isn't it it's a bit prejudiced calling kitchen electrical equipment white goods when it's not all white but I'll be honest I don't care enough to make a Facebook page about it and to start you know starting a petition you know contacting change.org and sending the petition around to all my Facebook friends and then you know just basically wasting my time with that don't feel the need another things you have in the paper well things you have they used to be and I'll be

very careful the way I introduce this they used to be personal services in the back of the paper but it doesn't seem to be anymore and in London when I was in London they even changed that to adult services so I think basically what it meant is personal and adult is it was personal

and it was for adults so there wasn't anything iffy about it there's nothing iffy about being an adult it's just normal and there'd be all these adverts for well be honest I didn't realize that there were so many people in East London where I was living at the time with the need for physical massage because I lived there for 12 years and considering the amount of masseurs the mass the amount of massage services that were being offered East London should have been the most relaxed place the most mellow place ever people should have just been

walking around completely relaxed all the muscles and tension gone so I don't know kind of what happened but there's a lot of massages therapists and services and it wasn't just that there's also saunas it's a very it's very healthy area really East London the amount of saunas are available you go in there and I imagine going and have a nice sauna get rid of the toxins out of your skin you know as long as you drink plenty of water it'd be really really good for you to gain the health benefits from attending one of these

saunas and they're also very personal as well because that whoever set it up they'd actually they'd use their own name to make it a bit more friendly and a bit more approachable like Lulu's sauna Joanne's Joe's sauna or Kim Kim's sauna Kim's sauna I don't know who what kind of person had that next to a Chinese takeaway I went in there once by accident and I was very embarrassed I had to say sorry and the person behind the counter said we don't offer massages here this is a takeaway so oh sorry that's next door sir

whatever adverts did they used to be in the paper I suppose it was things because in my memory I don't recall having the same kind of things as there are today so first of all there was no internet at that time although the internet was around when I was in London but just wasn't around for the majority of the time and even when it did come in and the internet was available it'd take about a week for a picture to to like you know actually show itself on the screen it would dial up it was

very slow it was it wasn't I did like the internet when I first met it because for me it was about the knowledge is like oh I remember thinking that oh you can start to learn new things and I quite liked the news websites from other parts of the world so you can kind of get to get to see what's going on around the world without relying on the the spoon-feeding that the the news channels here do because you know ultimately they decide what they want us to know what what news they want to give

us and they don't have that ability as much now as they used to because the internet lets everybody know exactly when something's going on in another part of the world that might be of interest to some people in the world I don't get so fascinated by presidents it seems to be real I wouldn't know this if it wasn't for Facebook Andre's just jumped out of his bag I think he's gonna be awake oh it's just a really loud I won't go into it but he's staring at me that's it yeah wipe it on the carpet

yeah it's a good boy he's not gonna want to go into the into his bag now he's gonna want to go outside for a walk it's not quite time he's gonna have to wait a little while before we can do that oh he's gone back into his bag he must have heard me I was tired earlier I got up and I made a let me know what was it a deep sleep whisper session so I recorded that then yeah I had my breakfast and then I thought what I'll do is I'll you know do the

editing upload it share it you know all that stuff and I was struggling to keep my eyes open while I was doing that it was as if the session was being played to me but it wasn't can you hear that in the background some racing going on somewhere oh bless so what was I saying oh yeah newspapers old jobs they used to have job sections didn't they and also accommodation that's the two things I used to use them for because when I was a younger man I used to go through jobs like I don't know

socks made of rice paper I don't just they just got through them very quickly always looking for a new job and the local newspaper would have the local jobs so I remember I remember when I first moved to London I bought the Evening Standard which was a very famous paper in London it's probably the most famous paper in London really been going for a long time and they now give it away free used to cost money now it's free and for some reason so I remember getting it and walking because I was staying with my

aunt or like cousin really to be fair she was my cousin and yeah and I was looking to get a job but also looking to find somewhere else or somewhere to live because I was only staying there temporarily so I remember buying the paper in a newsagents opposite Maryland train station and then I might have bought a chocolate bar as well I don't know not a hundred percent on that because it's a very long time ago I mean I moved to London twice the first time was 1989 second time was 1991 and both times I

kind of went through the same process except in 1991 I had a room to move into which I'd already sorted out previously but I didn't have a job at the time so I just remember the probably both those times I'd be get the evening standard plus the local papers as well walk across the traffic yeah there was wasn't traffic lights but it was a zebra crossing onto this kind of like a roundabout area opposite Maryland train station and there's basically three different roads one road went up to Forest Lane one road went up to Leighton

Stone, Leighton Stone High Road or Leighton Stone Road and the other one led to what is the way towards Stratford train station I can't remember what that road was called it might be called Maryland Road and it was kind of like this roundabout but not a roundabout like you'd expect it was actually stuff on it there's like seats and maybe even be toilets on there I don't recall that it might not be there now it might it might just be a roundabout with grass and flowers and the sign saying that this roundabout is sponsored by

the Gnome Society or I don't know it's VD clinics in different places that may sponsor roundabouts no one's ever asked me if I wanted to sponsor a roundabout never come up ever in conversation no one's ever said you know take juicy said yeah you fancy you know no you know what no no what what are you getting at well if you fancy yeah you know no I do not know did not know before do not know now please explain yourself succinctly yeah I thought about sponsoring a roundabout when I heard that reminded me of the

Elvis song Roustabout and how you could just change the word to roundabout and still be a really cool song you know I'm just a roundabout drifting from town to town yeah but it was a roundabout it wasn't really and then the other side at the roundabout if you walk straight across it there is there's a place I used to go to which was a massage parlor but it wasn't a massage parlor not it wasn't a massage parlor it was a health spa and I didn't start going there until 1998 probably because before that it was

I think it was a snooker hall and then they closed it and they they opened it up as a spa a health spa but it was a naturist health spa so everybody in there was naked apart from me so I made sure that I covered me bits up me jewelry you know me new ring and the other jewelry just cut you know I just made sure I covered myself up but only downstairs the rest and it was fine or maybe I wore a dressing gown but I wasn't there for that I wasn't really there to

to see the men sit down and lay down on the deck chairs just freely being free I mean I'm good luck to anyone that wants to just relax and let it all hang out but I was there because I had a back problem and I wanted to have a massage and basically what happened in I think it was 1995 I reckon I was yeah I was this big building and I was doing a job and all we were doing was moving furniture into each room and it was for nurses student nurses and it was snowy

you know as I see it's very cold and I picked up a bit of furniture and I felt something in my back just rip I was just stuck there for about 20 minutes couldn't move but eventually I just had to keep going and had problems for the years after that so I was trying to loosen it up and just make it feel a bit better which is why I went to the this therapeutic massage place and it's just up the road from where I lived so it's handy and they also had a well I got

shown around what they had they had a sauna they had a what's that bath the bath with bubbles jacuzzi that's a jacuzzi the thing is when I went in there I honestly did not know it was a naturist place I didn't know I had no idea but I did because it was very open and it was I think it had prices for the massage and the different types of massage I could see that it was a genuine place you know because it's sort of head and shoulders massage and you know different parts and you know

sort of I think they might have done reflexology cock and balls you know just general different proper therapist therapy stuff and I so I went in there knowing that it was genuine I'm making a much bigger deal of this than I need to but you know I just it was a genuine place but it was also a naturist place that included the staff which I didn't realize and and that was not a reason I went in the first time and I repeat that sentence it was not the reason I went in there the first time

but subsequent times and I'll be waiting for a massage and I got to know a couple of the methods there because it was really good for my back it just really helped so much and I've always had issues with stress and stuff so it really helped me a lot I'd love to be able to have a massage every every week or every you know twice a week or something a full body massage but it's too expensive I can't afford to do stuff like that it'd just be wonderful and it should be on the NHS it

should be available to everyone I think if everybody had a massage every twice a week right from an early age I think we I think we'd have a different kind of society perhaps so I got shown around when I first went there a lady came up and said would you like I'll show you around the the different places you know the the facilities I'm not sure if there was a gym there I think there was a gym there as well as well as a Tony and a Paul but boom boom boom but she she took

my hand and kind of led me into the the area where there was a sauna show but she was she didn't have anything on and I noticed that you know I tried not I tried not to notice and she said it was all right to wear shorts or a dressing gown but you can't wear clothes and and then she we got into the jacuzzi the bubble bath thing and it was only me and her there and she was just asking me what I was looking for I said I just explained about my back and looking

to just get a bit of relaxation because relaxing isn't something that I was ever really very good at when I was a younger man I wasn't the most relaxed and yeah I'd had a lot of issues with stress and anxiety and stuff anyway so I went to the I said you know I was sitting in this jacuzzi with her she said oh should we get out now and I had to say to her that I can't I said well but I couldn't say I can't and but because I was also sort of sitting on one

of the pressure things where you know where the water blows in and that was having a having an effect but I just it looked like I was farting really did all the bubble was coming right out near me but it was very very awkward and I mean she was I think she was oblivious to well there's no reason why she would know but the effect that I was having or she was having on me because I was a young man and you know sometimes I could I could get turned on by a sandcastle you know

it didn't take much at times you know sometimes you know a certain configuration of clouds could make me feel horny or looks like boobies so you know so that's that's just ways but or the way it was not now I'm very much more of a mature man ish but here's a weird one I went into because I had to lock my clothes in a locker went into the locker room got my clothes got dressed and it was just about to leave the room and there was a lady standing there and she was naked bloody naked

sounds like a fantasy but it's true it's a different lady as well and she said to me can you please take my clothes off I need them no she didn't she said hello I said hello you all right she said yeah you and I really felt a connection with her I wanted to I did kind of go over and talk to her and say well I better go now but the weird thing about it is she did it should have had clothes on I possibly would have asked her if she wanted to go out for

a drink or something but because she was completely naked I didn't feel very confident to do that so I'm kind of pleased that we wear clothes not only for that reason but just you know do keep us warm plus they hide the bits you don't want to be seen she was lovely and I just kind of lovely personality very like like talking to her but I didn't I couldn't ask her out because it was just such a weird situation anyway the place ended up getting closed and well I don't know why they closed maybe I

think the the building people owned the building wanted to turn it into a hotel or something like that so I never actually it was didn't know I was going to talk about my my my life as a nudist or a naturist I never really classed myself as being a naturist but I used to be I used to go to a naturist club for probably about six seven months generally once a week just for the massage I didn't bother I might have gone into the sauna but I've been in a couple of times and each time

I've been in the sauna a man's voice starts talking to me and it's usually completely black can't see a single thing in the sauna the ones I've been in and I just don't know where spatially I can't get my head around where I am or where they are and yes I kind of you know leave very quickly that's quite a nice place though I did actually do a massage course myself I'm just a little drunk 2002 and after I'd sort of become ill I started looking at maybe changing my lifestyle a bit and I decided

to do a massage course the following year which I did so it's a holistic therapy course started in probably September 2003 and it was like reflexology Indian head massage full body massage and something else as well I forget but also anatomy it was part of the course so I learned some reflexology and I learned the full body massage as well as practicing on civilians as well and I was pretty good at the massage this is quite easy really it's it's you know it's not that complicated it's hard work though I was very surprised at how

much physical effort goes into massaging someone and so I left the course but I've learned a lot before I left I didn't learn the Indian head massage yeah so that was the I think there is the other things that they might have covered that I didn't do like anatomy some of the anatomy stuff and yeah it was something that I wasn't expecting to tell anybody about ever I forgot all about it the not the massage course but the naturist club that I used to go to so I'm not really a naturist I suppose we all

are when we're kids because it's natural to run around and we're not we don't have the self-consciousness of adults or teenagers I suppose there's there's a point isn't there I think when we sort of suddenly realize I wait a minute everyone can see me knob you know it's it kind of there's a point and yes I quite liked I quite liked that place but at the same time it's a little bit a little bit nervous about it it's not really sure what they were it's like what they really up to what they really up to

but they weren't up to anything it was just a bunch of people that were just relaxing really just relaxing and it was relaxing they even had a television so for people that were just going there to have a drink I think they might have even made food I don't know that would be the kind of place I quite like to go to somewhere to go have a drink and going outside to eat and because you can't hide you can't really put on a yes I did notice that you can't really put on a fake personality

when you're naked you kind of got no choice but to just be yourself when everything is on show yeah it's Saturday today I'm recording this it's one minute to five in the evening and I know or in the afternoon I know that Andre and he's listening as soon as I say his name his ears pop up guaranteed he's listening to me in fact the second I stand up he'll run out of his bag I know that's what he does I can predict his behavior sometimes because all he wants really is to go outside and roll

around in the mud the wet grass and just do his thing he loves being outside especially when it's nice I mean even though it's not sunny or particularly warm it's still mild today a little bit of a wind it's still mild he loves a bit of breeze to Zondre