#100 Let me bore you to sleep - Jason Newland (22nd February 2019)

Hello and welcome to jasonnewland.com. My name is Jason Newland and this is Let Me Bore You To Sleep. I'm sitting down in my big black chair which squeaks now and then. Please only listen to this when you can safely close your eyes and please only watch the video when you can safely close your eyes.

If you're watching on YouTube, please subscribe. Such a boring introduction but then it's supposed to be boring so hey. So welcome to the 100th edition, the 100th episode of this whatever it is.

I don't even know anymore but yeah this thing that I do, this Let Me Bore You To Sleep and thank you for joining me. Who'd have thought I'd do a hundred of them? I mean that's nearly a hundred hours because most of them last about an hour. Some last less sometimes, sometimes, sometimes and some last more sometimes, sometimes, sometimes.

I've had recordings that have lasted half an hour. There's been some that lasted an hour like you know exactly kind of on the dot. I don't know how many of those there are but I don't have many that were short you know like half an hour long.

They've got a few that were about 40 minutes long but still I think that's they're kind of in the minority as well because I think I would say that pretty much yeah the majority I would say probably 95% if not more of these recordings have been 50 minutes or more or longer. I said that or more or longer like it's two different things but that's the original feeling I had when I was kind of thinking of the word longer rather than more. Someone asked me, Rachel asked me would I be making a special edition you know having a party to celebrate the hundredth edition or episode of this and I think I replied yeah I'm gonna have a party in my bath.

I was gonna write I'm gonna have a party in my pants but that would just I thought no that might sound rude and but then the thing is if I did something like having a celebration that would be a bit it wouldn't really be very boring would it you know I mean it's I've got to keep remembering you know keep to the boredom aspect of this that's the most important aspect is it needs to be boring and which is one of the reasons why I kind of I'm really getting annoyed with this chair you hear

it when I do shorter sessions I do them at the moment I've been doing them at my desk you know sitting on a normal chair sitting at the desk but these are long these you know this is an hour and I want to be comfortable I want to be able to just I can't lay down and do them because I'll fall asleep and I can't really sit up in my bed it's just not very comfortable it's comfortable to lay down in the bed you know especially when I lay down head touches a pillow my head

you know body gets heavy my mind starts to just slow down it's just like automatically I feel relaxed even now and then you know even during the day or in the evening you know whenever sometimes I'll just lie down in the middle of the bed it sounds like I've got a massive bed I don't mean it's you know 20 foot tall and 20 foot wide and I'm laying in the middle of it and by the middle I mean the midsection of it with my head on the pillow I quite like to have my pillow the

pillows fluffed up is it fluffed up buffed up fluffed up and I have my head supported in the middle between the kind of between the pillows do you know it's quite nice and so that's quite cool as long as my neck is supported that's pretty much the main thing I like to have my neck supported and my head because the neck you've got to look after your neck you've got to look after all of yourself because you know I think the body is precious and I think I'm more in tune with that now as I

get older and I just think of some of the things that I used to be able to do and some of the things that I'd still like to do and maybe some of the things that physically I'm not quite able not quite able to do anymore or there's things that I don't even attempt see you know when you go somewhere and there's a metal railing around it and I don't mean a prison or a zoo but I mean there's for example if I come out of the train station there's a metal railing it goes all

the way around and you have to walk it's not a long walk but it's a good few minutes walk to get to the traffic lights so they cross and walk around the railings again and it's there for protection which is great and it goes under a bridge it's a very old bridge it looks like at one point you can imagine if you go back far enough Romans were urinating against the sides of the bridge it's just I think it's quite old I do actually live in the oldest recorded town of my country and as you

know my country is a very very old country so technically I think we're all countries are pretty much the same age aren't they it's just we don't I guess if I don't know if you rename a country then it becomes a young country but it's even if it's still this sadly the same area but it's been given a different name for whatever reasons just like America it's a young country but it's not really it's perhaps been there for millions of years it's just it's new with the name the name is new but not new but

was it a few hundred years old is it a few hundred how many years old is it it's about is it 400 to 300 I don't know but in England it's it's quite old regarding the actual I don't know I think we've got we've got buildings in in England that are older than some countries yeah and I live in one of the oldest so the oldest this used to be the capital of England Colchester used to be the capital of England and or Britain I suppose it was called then and then they moved it to

I'm sure it used to be Bath as well at one point but they moved it to London for some reason but that's probably more to do with trade and because of the Thames the river and all the maybe the ships coming in and who knows I don't know I don't care enough to research it I was very surprised to to find out the other day just by accident because I was I was researching Winston Churchill and just looking at his ancestors and his ancestors were rich he came from money you know his his father was

the Chancellor of the Exchequer I think at one point and so his his relatives were involved in politics and they had power you know within the country had influence going back centuries well yeah centuries because it's quite a few uh lifetimes so yes it's going back a long time but what I didn't realize is Churchill's paternal great-great-great-grandfather was also uh Princess Diana's I think I think it was Churchill's great-great-grandfather was Princess Diana's great-great-great-grandfather so you add one on because obviously Churchill was uh a lot older than Princess Diana she's yeah I suppose Churchill would be

more the father age for her is that I don't know but anyway that's and they actually related by blood like paternal it's actually you know not not by marriage but by actual not regurgitation uh you know where the the willy and the womb you know the all that stuff all the procreation stuff and the willy and the womb that's gonna be the name of my it's gonna be the name of my uh autobiography the willy and the womb by Jason at Newland I know that if I ever did I don't know produce a book and

if it was successful and stuff and one of the people people would be introducing me as Jason Newland Newland it's not Newland it's Newland land it's like you never ever will you ever speak to an estate agent and they say oh it's got four bedrooms and there's two acres of Lund two acres of Lund what's that no there's two acres of Lund the garden is two acres of Lund one garden no the garden garden two two two two acres of Lund what's Lund Lund you know Lund as in Jason Newland who's Jason Newland he's this

bloke that makes absolute pointless recordings about nothing and actually feels like he's contributing to society in some way ah I've never heard of him Jason Newland oh no does he what's he like oh he's very very handsome very very handsome very distracting distracts that's why it's better if you listen to him because if you watch him on a video he's very distracting very very very very very um my knees became aroused just gives you an idea my knees and I felt a little bit of tingling in my elbows as well and I was sure that

my just listening to him my fingernails grew they grew by about half an inch what are you talking about mate oh I don't know I just got carried away I was just talking about Jason Newland oh no I've not heard of him what what does he do then just he just he just talks what what does he does he juggle does he does he he does what what well what he does is he talks about nothing for about an hour and he calls it let me bore you to sleep okay why what is it any

good is it does it help you go to sleep well sometimes it helps me go to sleep I don't know why my voice is changing like this sometimes it's just good to have the distraction you know takes away from my thoughts okay what's wrong with your thoughts well oh sometimes so wait a second what was why did your voice go so high then I don't know really it just happens sometimes I just have these uh it's just a voice it's a flexible it's like an instrument my voice is very very uh very in tune with

the alignment of the world and my chakras okay can we talk about Jason again what Jason Newland yes Jason Newland well it can be a distraction which could be nice it can be tiring it can be boring and it can just send you to sleep and but it can also be company it can feel like you're listening to a human being just like just a genuine person that sounds really boring yeah it is it is that's the point it's actually called let me bore you to sleep what is the point in that I mean seriously

what what is the point in listening to someone who's just talking about nothing is you know wouldn't you get equally as bored just looking at the wall yeah well it's not the same see looking at the wall it's not the same it's kind of listening to the audio the recordings the let me bore you to sleep it's kind of a stimulation of de-stimulation or a stimulation leading to reduced stimulation through the boredom and through repetition in a sense of listening to him and it gets to the point where every time you listen to one of

these recordings you just automatically feel physically and emotionally relaxed and tired and safe to just drift to sleep and fully fully physically relaxed pretty much straight away well okay if that's the case why does it last for an hour then I don't know the answer to that but I suppose it's just a time amount of time that sort of progressed to that I didn't start off as an hour but now about an hour is the sort of time that these things occur for sounds boring to me but it's supposed to be boring oh okay what's

the bloke's name Jason Newland I thought he said it was Newland no it's it's actually Newland ah that's a lot easier to find on the internet because I would automatically put N-E-W-L-U-N-D because it's you know Newland but Newland is N-E-W-L-A-N-D land obviously makes it much easier to find on the internet that's that's that's exactly what Jason thought in 2006 when he launched the website Jason Newland dot com and he pronounces it Newland so that people know how it's spelt so when they're searching for the website or searching for him they're not putting New London L-U-N-D

but it turns out that everybody knows how to spell the surname they just pronounce it differently wow we've spent a long time discussing this haven't we yeah I know I'm surprised actually didn't expect it to go on quite as long as this yeah we're gonna have to find a way to get out of this conversation and to move on yeah I don't know how though how how perhaps you can stop with that silly voice what silly voice do I stop it okay sorry about that I'll stop now all right should we just go back to

normal talking five four three two one and I'm back in the room talking about something I actually I had a physical examination yesterday 12 o'clock telling you the time probably doesn't make too much difference to the story but it's kind of valid because it's part of the facts and you know I'm nothing if you know I try to include you know facts into my stories and tell you what's really happened as well as lying you know I like to mix it up a little bit so oh I'm so tired oh I could really fall asleep

oh you know that feeling where you just you can't wait to lay down on your bed and just close your eyes and you know as soon as you do that's it you know everything else has gone nothing else matters and you can just really enjoy that feeling you close your eyes it feels so damn good and you can kind of feel it before you even do it and you might be in another room so like I'm sitting in my chair but the idea of just walking into my bedroom lying down on my bed just falling

asleep for however long really feels nice the idea of it really appeals to me right now it'll be nice to just and there's something about my body it just gets heavy and my feet get heavy it's kind of weird it's and there's stuff that I need to do before going to bed sometimes I just can't be bothered to do and sometimes I don't do them I just fall onto the bed my lovely big supportive bed it's very supportive I'm lying there going to you know just lying there going to sleep gently and I can hear

my bed whispering go to sleep yeah yeah go JJ go to sleep go JJ very supportive yeah that was a very weak very weak joke but I don't care because it feels so relaxed yeah I'm gonna stop talking like a like a professional hypnotist you know you start to relax and you feel really calm inside and you can feel your feet and your feet are relaxed and you can feel your calves and your relax and your knees and your ankles and your heart and you can feel this and they're all and that that way is

and oranges and pears and peaches and then you see there's a big Ferrari all day long you can feel this way you can really enjoy it oh you know yeah oh like that that's right that's right just keep focusing on your eyes and your eyes is getting really heavy now looking into the future you can see you know an old self of yourself an old version of yourself and you go back and you're gonna cuddle yourself and be a big hug and you go back and you know moving into the future seeing that new you

feeling so wonderful inside full of energy and invigoration feeling so good you can feel like superwoman or superman depending on whether or penis and then you can just really come back to where you are now and really feel good about yourself because you deserve to really experience this sense of belonging that you can really enjoy knowing that you have that experience to draw upon all of those resources that are within you oh feeling your eyelids and still there and you're breathing feels so good feel good give me more of your money oh yeah read my

books and listen to my audios and you can really enjoy giving me your money so yeah i could uh i could do that you can really know um yeah it could be a celebratory recording couldn't it because i just uh i gave you that's my professional that's going to be my professional hypnosis voice in the future i'm talking like this and you can really enjoy knowing all of those resources and special occasions where you felt wonderful inside and they can all come back to you all in one one go you can re-experience all those feelings

of feeling wonderful for no particular reason all at the same time knowing that you should give me more money and the happier you feel the more you want to give me your money so i could do that but get rich like that i thought about becoming an evangelical priest and then you said prick there evangelical prick even even is it evangelical i might not have the right word you know the uh uh what do they call them you know what the they go on stage and they ask for money basically but they that's kind of

the goal but they they add on the razzmatazz and include uh religions and stuff like that in order to get the money in order to get the money they do religious stuff to get the money you have to have the money to do the things that the money gives you to make more money so i don't know i think i'll be i might be a good quite a good preacher go on and just blag it you know just tell lies and i'm not saying that preachers lie but uh i would and yeah i need your

money i've only got seven houses i need more yeah it's very clever i've watched um video footage of some of the top um healers you know the ones and they get people off the out of the audience to have been in a wheelchair for the last 20 years and they get them to stand up and then they push them over uh so yeah it's well of course i wouldn't i couldn't do that i just couldn't yeah it's but the frenzy the frenzy that's there is the same kind of frenzy that you get at a you

would have got a a rally that hits that hitler had that frenzy of of emotion overtaking logic well to be fair logic and emotion don't really they don't dance well together do they so is that kind of yes i cannot but i don't want to compare i'm not comparing i'm not i'm saying i'm not comparing hitler to antony robbins i'm just saying that there's i've been i've never been to a hitler rally but i have been to an antony robbins seminar where there's 10 000 people and the energy this is all emotion even though he's

talking logically about stuff but is that emotion connected to it very very powerful stuff incredibly powerful stuff and if antony robbins wanted to use his skills to cause harm to people he could but he doesn't he's an amazing person and he's he's he you know he's he's set out to help people and also to become incredibly rich and famous at the same time and good luck to him but there's that frenzy of emotion that is created which gets created in these what do they call them this like healing healing things you know the uh the

evangelical healing or is it called religious healing or um i don't know but it's powerful powerful powerful stuff the emotions of thousands of people all kind of focused at the same time on the same thing is hugely hugely powerful so we could use that technique and we could focus on sleeping you could focus on sleeping well getting a better night's sleep having a chance to release stress and worries from your life and just have that time to sleep to rejuvenate you maybe that energy shared even through the internet because energy does travel through the air

and there's been proven radio waves travel through the air we can't see them they travel through the air electricity static various different levels of energy travel through the air so who's to say that energy all energy perhaps travels through the air including the energy of thoughts the energy of emotions strong emotions still drinking my very lukewarm coffee it's out of this mug and a friend gave it to me but it's from an animal sanctuary in Norfolk and it's a really rubbish gift it's just i shouldn't be cruel but it's like that's i don't know it's

like one step it's one step above a bar of soap you know oh i got you a present what is it it's a tampon oh thanks lovely very thoughtful of you this suit did you enjoy your holiday so i went to this health check yesterday and the letter says we are concerned we are not only concerned about your mental health we are concerned about your physical health as well so i thought okay yep i have i have them every year these medical checks because i'm on bipolar medication mood stabilizers and stuff antidepressants so it can

have an effect on your body so they check to make sure that you know everything's kind of working okay and every year just to make sure so it's quite weird because you said you know the medication you're on actually can put weight on i said well in that case stop moaning about me being heavy you know just give it a rest then there's nothing i can do about it so if it's as she said first of all don't talk to me like that but she didn't she didn't she said they all say the same things

oh you thought about losing some weight he said yeah i thought about losing weight i have i thought about becoming a superhero as well i thought about you know telling ashley how beautiful she is i've i've thought about lots of different things i thought about running around just with my socks on running around the park and jogging and then everything just wobble i think about lots of things doesn't mean i do them and she said well none of that was really relevant and could you and she said well and then i said you know what

let me tell you a story and i could she just sat down her eyes glazed over it's like people know before i even meet them that i'm just going to bore them and the amount of people's eyes glaze over it's seriously it's hard to explain it but because i look at people i really i study people when i talk to them and when i see them and i study their their behavior their especially facial because the face gives a lot away i don't always know what it's giving away it's giving away something it there's something

going on inside their mind and i think the only way to really read someone is when you get to know them you know it's you get to know signs don't you it's it's like living an ongoing poker game i think if if you're in a relationship with someone it's an ongoing poker game and you get to discover all of their little what do they call it gives you know the words basically so someone scratches their ear when they've got a good hand good poker hand sort of give gives themselves away there's a name for it

i forget what it is and i don't never played poker i don't know anything really about it but um doesn't stop me talking about anything really i'll talk about anything i don't understand or know anything about it's all part of my charm tells that's it see this they're called tells so if you see if you're with someone you know and you're living with them and you're waking up uh to their i don't know you're waking up to them and you see their lovely brown hair when you wake up and uh you just want to you

know give them a little cuddle and that and you kind of like okay you can say well did you enjoy what we did last night and you can watch them you see what they kind of physically what they say what they do whether it matches because you know them well enough to know that they might have said yeah it was so good thanks yeah oh it's all right you can kind of gauge where the level is i'm more likely to say yeah it's all right just i'm a little bad a bit bad like that if

someone's if i know someone's wanting me to say something nice then i kind of refuse to do it it's terrible really can be a bit but um it's like it's just this little kid inside me but just it's a bit cheeky he wants to be cheeky and wants to play around and doesn't want to do the traditional norms of you know of society yes it's it's uh i don't want to live by numbers you know like society do this like painting by numbers i don't want to it's not that i want to be able to

draw and paint outside of the lines i just don't want to paint i don't want there to be lines and so her eyes glazed after i said all that to her she said what what i said you know what i had enough of you no i didn't i didn't and i chucked a big fish at her i did i had a big fish i just chucked it at her it landed it landed on her foot and she said what was that supposed to do i said i don't know but it sounded like a good thing

to mention sounding quite amusing when i thought about it originally and she said yeah but it wasn't though was it really you chucked a foot and it landed on my foot chucked a foot you didn't chuck a foot you you know i meant fish not foot yeah well you know you said foot how can i chuck a foot now that would be interesting my what would be interesting you chucked a foot you chucked a foot at a fish and there was sunshine everywhere and the whole world lived on malteses which doesn't make sense to people

that don't have malteses in america they call them something different malteses are very famous in england that if you say malteses to anyone regardless of their culture or religion or whatever yeah no matter how tall they are no matter what you say malteses and they're going to know what they are because they're just they're just famous famous confectionary they are it's the same as if you say morals the thing is with malteses everyone's going to picture the box of the malteses and they're going to you know all see the same thing their mind say the

word morals and people perhaps have a different image about what what they think morals actually represents deep deep deep deep so her eyes are still glazed over and i said okay so you want me to lose weight you felt i should lose weight she said yes yes i said okay and um before i went in there so i turned up about about 10 20 to 12 10 to 12 something like that and the lady on the reception says to me is it okay if we have a support worker join come in as well with you

with the person that's doing the examination i said yeah but what what am i why why why why is the why is the um support worker wanting to come in what why why excuse me but she closed the glass so basically it's a glass glass window she closed the glass window and she was on the phone to someone else like just a bit rude so i just went and sat down and the there's big noise there's just a lot of sound didn't quite know what it was so i looked outside uh the back because they've

got this big garden and uh maybe the reception previously she'd said to me that when they bought they got the property it came with about was it five acres of land i said what land i said yeah five acres of land okay i said i can't do that again she said do what again i said i've done i've done the land thing i've done that too much it went on way too long well how long did you expect it to go for i said i don't know but longer than not that long she said why

don't you actually plan what you're going to say then why don't you make some kind of like a mind map of what you want to say and you can kind of tick it off as you say it so that's not a bad idea really she said see i do come out with good ideas so what do you want to have for dinner tonight i said what she said what what are we having for dinner i said we i don't even know you we don't live together she said oh that's true so why why are you

saying what do you want for dinner said uh i just thought it'd make it a more interesting conversation no that's just weird excuse me she said you're weird i said there's no reason for that she said what i said there's no reason for you to be rude she said what i said and the reason you couldn't hear me is there was a helicopter outside and i said look it's a helicopter wait a second she said what i said there is a helicopter outside and there was a gap it was like she didn't say anything there

was even more of a gap and i was just like i was waiting for her to say something i said i need to know your answer she said no because there's a helicopter noise it's too loud i didn't think you'd be able to hear me there's a helicopter outside i said i know that's what i said to you she said you didn't really need to tell me that i mean i can hear it and see it it's practically the size of the building i don't think anybody needs to be told that there's a helicopter outside

like walking up to someone saying do you know what you're breathing you are they know they're breathing they don't need you to tell them walking up to someone and saying oh by the way did you realize you were bald they know they're bald all right i've got to go on and then someone walked past and like just randomly farted just fart and just carried on walking didn't excuse themselves didn't sort of say sorry didn't even laugh got at least have a laugh if you're not going to apologize and he just walked away and the worst

thing about it is it was smelly so i went to open a window but the helicopter blew all the air back in and it kind of the force of it the force of the fart smell hit me and i literally just i nearly fell over that plus there was well there's about like 17 more teasers on the floor i kind of slipped i'm guessing there was 17 just a rough guess the reason because years ago i used to put more teasers on the floor because i wanted to know whether or not well the reason for

this is i don't know if you ever seen it but there is a thing where people used to stand on eggs and there's a certain way of doing it where it doesn't break and i wanted to know how many more teasers i could stand on before they broke and crushed and so i kind of knew visually by looking roughly how many was there i don't know if you can hear that that's birds in the attic doing something so i had my physical had a blood test couldn't find the vein i said you know i've got

more than one she laughed and uh eventually found enough and i had a glucose thing is where they basically prick your thumb or your finger and it take the blood out and then they stick it on a a thingy to see what the level of glucose is i suppose that's for checking for diabetes and stuff like that and the assistant that was just watching said she asked does does a little prick hurt and i started laughing because i'm very very immature and then she changed it and said how does a little prick feel when it

goes in seriously says we said how does the little prick feel when it goes in and i said i said a few different answers i it was one of those questions i had to answer on various levels and the person that was actually doing the physical examination on me was not pleased with me because i just wanted to blur out loads of stuff you know just you know it's fine ask any of my girlfriends it's it doesn't it's fine you just i don't even notice it sometimes this doesn't even wake them up not that i've

ever done anything like that i'm just you know just as far as you know the the it doesn't hurt it's just it goes in the finger it's just a little i think people with diabetes have to do it every day don't they so just to check their check their leg or their their levels of blood or whatever the levels of blood in their body how many pints do we have it's 7 or 14 isn't it amazing i mean literally you could take a pint out a day and it'd grow back wouldn't it the blood grows

back but it reproduces the body reproduces blood so why do we just keep the same old blood in why don't we just wouldn't it be better for us to just produce new blood i don't know maybe not get out some of the old so i had this physical check-up and she said have you got any physical issues i said yes my lower back hurts she said have you tried yoga so what the hell's that got to do with anything have i tried yoga i mean what what what how is that relevant she said but it's

good for stretching the body uh uh she said why are you making that noise i said i don't know i'm just bored this this thing has been going on for ages apparently my is it blood sugar level i don't know where it is but was quite low considering i just had a full meal so i'd be interested to see what it would have been like if i hadn't eaten yeah this is i think this is what you call an anti-climax so thank you for listening to the 100th version of this absolutely fantastic series of recordings

i'm sure that you've enjoyed every moment of it it had really has been splendid for all concerned and sometimes my my toes get tingly just thinking about how amazing the whole experience has been for all of us that have been traveling along on this little journey of boredom and uh chin chin to another hundred episodes which might take you know that might take another year i've been doing these for nearly a year now i think i think i started in february or march last year so it's taken me a year to do 100 so i

suppose when you think about it 100 in a year that's one every three days pretty much isn't it that makes sense yeah so one in three days because 300 65 yeah so sometimes i do them every day sometimes i don't do them for a week or so i'm getting more regular although i didn't do anything for two days this week yesterday the day before i didn't do nothing but i was busy doing other things so take care of yourselves i shall speak to you next time stay safe and enjoy sleeping bye bye