#86 Let me bore you to sleep - Jason Newland (29th January 2019)

Hello and welcome to jasonnewland.com. The exciting place to be if you like being bored. So yeah, my name's Jason Newland. This is Let Me Bore You To Sleep number 86.

And only listen to this when you can safely close your eyes. Or, and only watch this video on YouTube when you can safely close your eyes. And please remember to subscribe, please.

And like and share and comment and it would be nice actually if you want to share. If you're listening on Facebook, maybe you can share to your page and let other people go through the same, having to listen to me the same way that you do. You don't have to listen to me, it's a choice.

But this is purposely boring, just in case you decide to write a letter or send a comment, post a comment saying this is boring. Which I do get occasionally. It's supposed to be.

So I never really know if that's a compliment or or otherwise. I'm never really sure. It's hard to tell with writing, you know.

So yesterday I did number 85 in my Let Me Bore You To Sleep recordings. And I uploaded it to Spreaker. So this is the process that I do.

So I record it on my iPhone using the Spreaker app. I then upload it to Spreaker. I then download it, or I change the title to, you know, whatever title it is with the date.

Then I download the audio to my laptop. Then I open the audio with... Oh yeah, I normally save the recording. For example, this will be number 86 Let Me Bore You To Sleep 30th, or it might be the 29th of January 2019.

So that will be the title. I suppose my name will be in there somewhere as well. So I'll download that but at the end of the title I'll put the words unedited so that I know that it is unedited.

So when I'll open Audacity, I do actually have a professional, but you know, a pro audio editing software. But I just find Audacity works better for some reason. Plus I know how to use Audacity.

I've been using it for a long, long time, over 10 years. So the only reason I use Audacity is because nowadays I like to just trim the beginning and trim the end. You know, as far as... Because I always leave a gap before I start talking and I always leave a gap after I've finished talking at the end.

The start of talking bit is at the beginning. Because it's nice to have that little bit of a gap so that I can cut off a little bit at the beginning and fade in using the effects of Audacity. And at the end I can cut off a bit and then fade out using the effects of Audacity editing software.

Yesterday I did a big sneeze during the recording. So, luckily because the way I did look at the clock when I did the big sneeze so that I knew roughly when it was that I did the big sneeze. Should be a title of a film, shouldn't it? The Big Sneeze.

What was I talking about? Yes, I opened the software so I looked at the recording and it's very kind of wavy, like up and down, up and down, the actual recording. And the part where I sneeze is very obvious that something's just happened there in the recording. So, because there's a lot of spiky activity.

And there's no like little writing, sneeze was here. That would be, you know, make it easier. But I listened to the part where I sneezed and what I did at the time is I left about 20 seconds after the sneeze before I started talking and carried on talking, which meant I could just, and also there was a little gap between talking and when I sneezed.

So, I knew it was going to happen. So, what I felt it was going to happen. I was pretty certain it was going to happen.

I suppose with the build up, I was probably three out of 10 sure that I was about to sneeze, but I wasn't sure, you know, because sometimes, sometimes a sneeze can come and go, and it's just, it's just the pepper that you were sniffing. Or, you know, it could just, you know, it could be anything. It could be the sawdust from the bench, park bench that you're cutting up, because you like it and you think, well, I'll take that home.

That'll look nice in my bathroom. It could be anything, anything that's sort of irritating the nostril passages. And when I said that, I just had a little image of a barge, you know, like in Venice, just traveling through the nostrils.

It's a strange image. And then as I got closer to the actual sneeze itself, the likelihood increased somewhat. And I'm not really a betting man or a betting woman, but it felt like a dead cert, you know, it felt like it was going to happen.

And the closer I got to it, I must say that I don't mean there was a big sneeze standing near the window and I'm kind of creeping up on it, you know, it's just, I, the sneeze was looking out the window, enjoying the glory of the tree with the birds, listening to the faint sounds of trains, wondering what that unusual aroma is. That was lingering in the bedroom. So no, I wasn't, that wasn't a situation that I just, as it got closer to me to sneeze, I thought, right, I'll stop talking and I'll wait until I've sneezed before I continue with the recording.

Well, I'm still recording, but until I, you know, because it's nice to have that gap. It's like a little bridge that you can, you know, remove the sound without the recording really noticing. And once I removed it, I listened to it and you wouldn't even know that the sneeze ever existed.

It's like a little ghost sneeze. So, you know, it's like a little ghost fart, you know, the ones that you fart and you think something is bubbling up and you think it's going to potentially destroy the dinner party that you're having and hosting and then nothing happens. You feel like a little bit of air, but that's it.

And nobody's nostrils are affected. Nobody runs out of the room. Nobody laughs.

Nobody starts moaning about how you spoiled the christening. Just like a little ghost, you know, like just as if it didn't exist. It's like, so when I listened back to the recording, just that bit, not the whole of the recording, because I couldn't, I couldn't listen back to a whole recording.

The best will in the world. I couldn't, you know, it's, it's so boring. I just wouldn't want to listen to it.

I wouldn't want to listen to myself. It's yeah, it's not, it wouldn't, it's not the top of my list of things to do. Listening to myself talking.

So I recorded the recording, took out the sneeze. It sounded very fluent when I took it out as if it hadn't occurred. And that's the strange thing about it is because anyone listening to that recording will never have known that there was a sneeze there.

And that's a little bit deceptive. But at the same time, if I had left it there, it was very loud. It was proper full blast sneeze.

It was, it's a bit like one of those exaggerated public sneezes that people do. You know, I don't know what's going through people's minds when they do that, but I can only imagine that, you know, sitting in a restaurant and they're thinking, well, I'm going to have to sneeze. It's coming on.

I might as well give it all I've got. I might as well just go to town with this sneeze. I might as well make it the best sneeze I've ever made.

And they become, it's like they've got some kind of Olympic trainer inside their mind saying, come on, you can do it. You've trained for years for this, your whole life for this one sneeze. Come on, you can win gold.

You can do it. Make this sneeze count. No one else can sneeze the way you can.

You'll be able to live off this gold record, this gold, this sneeze will keep you going for years. You'll be able to tell people the story of the sneeze. You'll be able to go and chat shows and no one will ever ask you to sneeze for them because they'll know, they'll know that no other sneeze will ever come close to this.

It's a once in a lifetime, perfect sneeze. So I finished the recording, edited it, and no idea what I was talking about. And I then download that recording as just the number 85.

Let me bore you to sleep dash Jason Newland. And then in brackets, the date, which was the, yesterday was the 28th of January 2019. But I didn't put edited, I just left it as normal, just without anything.

And then I went back to Spreaker and I clicked on the replace audio button to replace the audio, the original recording. And then I went to my files and I clicked on the edited button, the edited recording and deleted that. And then I double clicked on the new recording and that uploaded to the Spreaker podcast session.

And then, what did I do then? Yeah. So that's that done. Oh yeah.

Then I go and I share it onto SoundCloud. Then, yeah, then I can share it onto Facebook as listen on Spreaker. So at this point I swap over to a different laptop because I've got two, I've got an old laptop that keeps burning out and shutting down.

So I use that for basic stuff, but I can't rely on it. And I've got another one which I use for the editing. And I swap over back to the old, because I'm used to the editing laptop for the audio.

Gone back to the old laptop, the one that buzzes really loudly. And it's just really just, it just overheats and switches itself off continuously. But, so I've had to sort of adapt a bit.

The thing is with laptops, even, I mean, it's got a low, it's a low-end laptop that I've got, both of them. But the cameras are just really bad. The cameras are just awful.

It's even now, you'd think with the technology, you know, on phones, that the cameras would be like half decent. They're really not. They're just like as grainy and farty as they ever were.

Like 10 years ago, 12, 13 years ago, the webcam, inbuilt webcam on laptops, well, at the level that I buy them, are just pretty awful. So I don't know what the camera's like on a, like an Apple Book or Apple Book Pro or something. I think the camera is a lot better on there.

In fact, I know it is because I know someone that's got one and they've filmed themselves and it's a lot, a lot better quality. I don't know if it's as good as the iPhone, but I imagine it's sort of similar as it's the same. I imagine it would be the same software, the same hardware, but I may be wrong.

So the next thing I do is I share the Spreaker recording onto Facebook. So I put down, listen on Spreaker and then the title. So I post it on my Facebook normal page and I post it on my Facebook page page, which is the, like a fan page thing.

Then I share it on Twitter and somewhere else. There's only one other place that it gets shared, like that it allows me to share it from the actual website and then SoundCloud that I've already done. So when that's done, I then go over to SoundCloud and hopefully by now it's processed and it's up and running.

So I go into edit in SoundCloud podcast. I make it available to download. What else do I do? Oh yeah, I add it to a playlist.

So in this case, it was 85, number 85, let me bore you to sleep. So I added it to my, let me bore you to sleep playlist on SoundCloud. And up to that point, I had 84 recordings, but once I added the 85th, I then had 85 on the playlist for the, let me bore you to sleep sessions.

And then what I do is I share the SoundCloud recordings, recording rather. So I do exactly pretty much what I did on Spreaker, but there's more to choose from. So I share it to Facebook quite often first.

So I put listen on SoundCloud and then the title. And I do that on my normal page and on the fan page. I share it on Twitter and possibly Google Plus and a couple of others.

And then that's it at that point. So what I do is I then open up my website and I add the details of this new recording. So I do, it's like a new, a new item.

So, you know, I basically copy the previous page. So I put in 84, let me bore you to sleep. That page comes up from the day before.

I click duplicate and then I change the title to 85, change the date to 28 for whatever it was yesterday. And then save that. Then I go into, because on that page, there'd be a video and an audio.

There'd be a SoundCloud audio player and a YouTube video player playing the recordings, you know, the video and the audio from number 84, let me bore you to sleep. So I delete that. I go back to SoundCloud, which is still open.

The share button allows me to click on the embed. So I would copy and paste the embed code and then paste that into the page on my website so that the SoundCloud player is in there. I check that it's all in fine.

I press save. And then what I do is I upload the file, the actual audio file. In this case, number 85, let me bore you to sleep.

So I upload it, the audio file, the finished one, to the website server, which takes a few seconds, maybe 10, 15, 20 seconds, depending on the size of the audio. In general, the audio doesn't go over 100 megabytes. And once it's uploaded, it says complete.

And then I just leave it as it is. I then go back to the other laptop. And I start and I open up the software for the video software, the video editing software rather.

And I get the video together for... So I've got three templates that I've built. And they're on the... What do you call it? On the desktop of the laptop. So one is for let me bore you to sleep.

The other one is... That's a template. And the other template video is deep sleep whisper hypnosis. And the other template is just a standard one for whatever.

But that only lasts about 22 minutes. The other ones last for about over an hour each. I think the let me bore you to sleep one lasts about an hour and 20 minutes or an hour and 19.

But I never generally go over an hour with these. And the deep sleep whisper video is again about an hour. But I generally don't go much over 20 minutes with those ones.

So with the let me bore you to sleep, that's the template that I clicked on. And that opened up and I posted or pasted that into the story line part of the video. It's like a... I think it's a storybook or whatever they call it.

So basically just the video section. It goes in there. I then click on uploading the number 85 let me bore you to sleep MP3.

So I upload that and I add that to the video. So that's in a different section. That's the audio section.

And then I think with the let me bore you to sleep about 18 seconds in is where the audio starts where I'm talking. And so I'll move the audio to that point because before... No, let me bore you to sleep. It's not.

It's I'm thinking of the other thing. The let me bore you to sleep starts straight away. The audio.

But with the video about three seconds in, I add a number to the left hand side of the screen of the video. So for example, yesterday it was number 85. So I put 85 in and I make that make sure that's exactly the same length as the audio.

It finishes at the audio and I make sure that the video length is the same length as the audio. So all kind of starts and ends correctly. What I have been doing is changing the color of the numbers.

So it's not just always the same number, you know. I like to play around and bring a bit of creativity into my numbers. So that's what I've been doing.

And once that's done, I then listen to the beginning, make sure it sounds okay. And then I skip to the end and listen to the last bit to make sure that sounds okay. And the video works fine.

And then I save it. It's called rendering, but I basically it just renders it and produces it. And it takes sometimes a few hours for a long recording, a long video.

So I just put that video. I can't use that laptop really while I'm rendering and editing because all the power of the laptop's going into that project. So I get the old helicopter sounding laptop out and I can do other stuff while the other thing is working.

After a few hours when it's actually completed, I'll upload it to YouTube. And because the file size is about five gigabytes for an hour, it takes quite a while to upload to YouTube. It's a bit of a process, you know.

And then when it's uploaded to YouTube, I also, as I upload it, I copy and paste the correct title because it doesn't go into the YouTube title the way that it originally was. So I changed the title to make it nice, correct. And then I add it to a playlist, which would be, let me bore you to sleep.

And then in the editing part, I also change or put in a date, which would have been yesterday. And then I just leave it. If it's at least one percent uploaded, I will just click the save button or the... What is it? What's the button called? Is it save or is it... It's not upload because it's already uploaded.

Processed? I don't know. It basically just means once it's uploaded, it will automatically process and become public. The thing is yesterday's video for the let me bore you to sleep number 85, this is number 86.

So the audio was fine. Uploaded that to Facebook, uploaded it to Spreaker, SoundCloud, shared it on the podcasts, had, you know, people downloading it and playing it and everything like that. But the video, although it edited fine and it was all complete.

I'm really boring myself with this story. I uploaded the video to YouTube three times and all three times it didn't work. And last night, you know, a good 10 hours ago, it was 95% processed.

And I went on earlier just with my phone and it's still not showing up. So I don't know what on earth's going on. I might have to redo it, re remake the video or something.

I don't know what's happened. I've never had that happen before. It wasn't a long video.

If anything, it was a little bit shorter than some of the others. Sometimes I'll go over an hour, sometimes an hour and five. I've even gone an hour and 10 minutes.

But I think this one was about 55 minutes. So technically it's a little bit shorter than normal. Although 55 minutes is still a nice girthy experience.

It's still a nice length, isn't it? Rather than girth, actually length. But I don't know really if maybe the file got corrupted or I did something different that I didn't realize I've done. Because I suppose if I realize I've done it, I would have mentioned it and I would have done something about it and changed the situation.

Which would have left me with, well I wouldn't have had this story to tell you. But I'd like, I'd like to have a nice ending to the story. You know, something, not necessarily exciting, but just something where I just say, you know what, it's all uploaded.

And I could, you could imagine me doing a little dance. Just maybe with my fingers. A little finger dance.

Look like a Charlie Chaplin-esque kind of finger movements. Like a puppet show but without the puppets. Just the fingers, just the hands moving.

And no voices. That'd be quite a weird thing to look at, wouldn't it? Imagine a puppet show but without a voice and without any puppets. Just the hands sticking up out, you know, moving around.

I don't think I'd pay for that. But then what do you do? Because the person who's doing that job is relying on the income. You know, it's a job that they're doing.

Admittedly it's, they're doing it in an unconventional way. They're not using puppets and they've not got no voices. So their puppet show is a very different kind of experience.

Maybe esoteric. But they still need to be able to buy cornflakes and baked beans. Toilet paper.

Hair gel. If they use hair gel, they might not. I don't know the person.

I mean, I don't, I don't. Do people still wear hair gel? Is that a thing? Still? I don't know. I used to.

I used to have such a full head of hair. Honestly, my hair was so full. And my fringe started about, I think, actually, it was so low down.

So low down. It's only when I started receding that you could finally get to see my eyebrows. My hairline was so far down.

Now it's, it's not. You know, it's, I've receded and there's less at the front than there was. And it's kind of like baby, babyish amount of hair.

It's like a, it's like that one piece at the front is a little bit like a, a newly born baby's scalp. You know, the hairs aren't really, they're there, but they're not really there. They are there, but they're not, they're not communicating with each other.

You know, they're not, they're not doing what I would expect a depleting population to be doing. They're not getting together thinking, well, what can we do? We need to repopulate this little area. But they haven't.

They're just sort of, it's like my scalp has just given up and all the other hairs are just moving away. I don't understand it. I used to know someone years ago and my hair is turned into their hair.

And they had like quite a, quite a receding hairline and a big forehead or it looked big probably because of the hair, the hairline moving back. And I seem to be moving towards that way. Because I think if you've got a full head of hair, the scalp doesn't, and the forehead even doesn't, it's not quite as noticeable.

It's, I suppose it's like your feet, or if you've got really hairy toes, it's not as noticeable to other people in the supermarket, unless you're walking around without any shoes or socks, then people will notice them. But if you've got socks on and shoes, no one really knows about it. That's my marketing theory.

You need to let people know. If you've got nice big hairy toes and you want people to know about them, don't keep your socks and shoes on because people, they're all going to know. I'm not saying take your socks and shoes off, especially with, you know, snow.

There's snow on the way today, apparently, and you know, it might be snowy where you are. You need to keep your footwear on. This is not the day to show off your nicely, I don't know, groomed toe hair.

I mean, if you've got little bows and ribbons and stuff, I don't know. I don't know how seriously you take it. I mean, maybe you go to some kind of, some people take their dogs to shows, don't they, to show them off and win medals.

Maybe there is such a show for toe hair. I don't know. Get to meet other people, other like-minded people with the same passion in life for toes and hair on the toes.

I really don't know. I mean, it's, there's all sorts of places you go to, to meet others. And I think that's what's one of the amazing things about life is so many opportunities to find something that you love doing just through sheer enormity of the amount of different things that people do.

There's going to be something out there that you just absolutely adore doing. And I think that's quite amazing. I was, I was lucky that I found something that I was passionate about.

And, you know, when I first started doing the hypnosis audios and videos online 13 years ago, my voice wasn't quite as croaky then, but it's, my voice might be croaky because I need a drink. I need a drink. Yes.

My voice always gets like this when I am being extra boring. Wow. Wow.

Wow. Wow. Wow.

That's a sarcastic baby. Yeah. Yeah.

So there's so many different things that you could choose to do or even try out, test. I mean, not everything is for everyone. For example, recently I bought a baby.

I didn't buy a baby. I bought a, I bought a baby. I thought, I wonder what it's like to have a, have a baby, but I didn't like it.

So I gave it back. I kept the receipt. No, I bought a jigsaw puzzle and, um, I had this little romantic idea that I enjoy doing a jigsaw puzzle because I used to when I was a kid, but I used to also enjoy trying to fit, you know, miniature fire engines up my nose.

So there's a lot of things I used to do. I used to eat worms, you know, I don't do a lot of those things that I used to do, you know, and jigsaw puzzles, it turns out is one of those things that I don't have any interest in. Part of the reason I think was because the pictures and the pieces were so small and I just didn't enjoy it.

Does that make sense? I just didn't enjoy it. Didn't, didn't see any point in, it was boring and I wasn't doing it to be bored. I have no issue.

I've no problems getting bored. I, you know, I get bored every time I make a recording like this. It's very boring to do it.

It's supposed to be boring to listen to and it's boring to actually do. To just sit here for an hour and talk about nothing is very, very boring. But I didn't get the jigsaw puzzle for boredom.

I got it because I thought it would be a bit nostalgic, relaxing, calming and other words that mean exactly the same thing as relaxing and calming. But instead I just, it was, I suppose it's an analogy, it was a bit like walking around with sand in my shoes and thinking to myself, I'm not enjoying this. The sand in my shoes, it was an idea, you know.

I put the sand in my shoes thinking it might, might be nostalgic. It might relax me. It might be a wonderful experience.

But actually having walked around with that sand in my shoes for a few days is, is not quite as, as wonderful as I once thought it might have been. So doing the jigsaw puzzle is very much like pouring sand in your shoes purposely and walking around feeling uncomfortable for a few days in the hope of some kind of relaxation and pleasure. That's what a jigsaw puzzle is to me.

I actually filmed it. If you're ever really bored, I mean even more bored than this, check out the video on YouTube. It just, you might have to scroll down a bit.

But I think I did it, it was this month, I think, beginning of January. I'm pretty sure it might have been last month, but I think it was this month. And I did one of the jigsaw puzzles and I filmed myself doing it.

And I didn't even get to finish it. I got so bored. I just, at one point I wanted to just to chuck it on the floor, have a little tantrum.

It was so tediously boring. And that's coming from someone that my threshold for boredom is, you know, I can handle quite a bit of boredom. You know, in the past I've had some of the most boring jobs ever.

I've had jobs where I just wanted to climb under the table and go to sleep. And that was during the interview. So I, you know, I've had boring jobs, most of them in fact.

But that jigsaw puzzle just took me in a different direction. It was just, yeah, it was too boring. I suppose if someone paid me to do it, it'd be different thing.

But I think being bored for an hour a day, you know, recording a boring recording like this, that's enough for me. I don't need a hobby that's even more boring. I did think about doing the word cross or the word search puzzles, you know, the ones where it's in a book and all the words are written down at the bottom and you've got a big square with lots of letters.

You have to find the words, basically search for the word. I used to love doing that when I was a kid, but I don't know if I would now. It's hard to know, but I don't know if I'm willing to take the gamble.

I don't know. We'll see. It's not that important really, but which is why I'm telling you about it because that's the whole point of these recordings is to tell you stuff that's unimportant and uninteresting without purpose.

So I'm coming close to the end of this recording of Let Me Boyd Asleep, number 86, I do believe. It should be 86. I should remember it's 86 after spending the last hour talking about number 85 from yesterday.

It shouldn't be that difficult for me to recall such a piece of information as that. Therefore, I shall trust my memory and therefore my conclusion that this must therefore be number 86 in that long list of wonderful, this wonderful series of very boring talks. Can you believe I've actually spent roughly 86 hours talking at you about nothing so that you could get bored and fall asleep? Or at the very least, it can be a distraction.

It can take you away from what you were thinking about. A bit of light relief. Yeah, maybe that's what I'll be remembered for.

Light relief. Or the most boring man on the planet. I think it will have a bit of a high-pitched noise.

I think in some ways it's quite nice that I have embraced my boringness and used that superpower for good. Instead of going to parties and social gatherings and social events and ruining it for people by talking to them. So I'm using these these powers for good.

And on that note, I'm going to say goodbye. See you next time.