#81 Let me bore you to sleep - Jason Newland (20th January 2019)

Hello, welcome to jasonnewland.com. My name is Jason Newland. I'm laying back in my squeaky chair which becomes somewhat squeakier whenever I decide to make a quiet recording. So this is a let me bore you to sleep.

I actually started to make a recording yesterday. I don't know what time it was probably about 11 o'clock and I thought I know what I'll do. I'll tell a story just to make up a story about whatever and I just started this story and I made myself laugh but proper proper laugh and I couldn't stop and I had to just abandon the whole thing which is a shame.

So what's the latest in my life? So what have I been doing? I've been working on the website, I've been working on the podcasts and also the YouTube channel. I also need to mention only listen to this or watch this video when you can safely close your eyes. So that's it really.

I mean you'd think that like a general person, like a you know a member of the human race would know, would kind of know not to listen to a sleep recording aimed at boring you to sleep. When you know driving a car or in charge of, I don't know, being in an air flight coordination center, coordinating all the different light paths and that's not a good a good time to be listening to some boring recording or if you're sitting in an office watching CCTV cameras you know or watching the monitors. I imagine that would be a mixture of being a really boring job and a really exciting job watching monitors and I suppose it would depend upon what the cameras were focusing on.

And if it was just in an empty office block and the cameras were just faced on the desks or you know just generally or in the hallways or you know maybe in the lifts. I don't know, by the way I'm in England where we call lifts you call you may call them elevators. Is it elevators? Yeah elevators.

Yeah we call them lifts. Mind you I quite like the word elevate. It's a sense of progression, some kind of positivity, isn't it? Sort of how do you feel after that meeting? How did it go? I feel elevated.

You know if you were here you said I feel lifted. Well lifted yeah I suppose that's quite I feel like a lift. I feel like an yeah I suppose it's both isn't it? You get lifted up, elevated up.

But I don't know which came first. I don't know whether lift was the the first description or whether elevator because because because because America may have been the first country to have installed a contraption which allowed people to travel up and down the building. But then I'm thinking maybe not because because because because I think about the mining and how far back the mining industry used to be.

You know it's going back a long long time and they had lifts or elevators which would take the workers up and down the shafts of the mine. The mining shaft would be up and down and I think sometimes they'd be before electricity I guess they would be operated by hand. So to be I guess kind of a pulley pulley system.

I'm trying to get out of this conversation now. So maybe maybe it's not that important where they came from I suppose. But I see people on escalators and I wonder if you know moving stairs really aren't they? I wonder where that idea came from.

The idea of someone's one day was walking up some stairs and thought I'm just not getting to the top of these stairs quick enough. And they invented the escalator. I think they used to be wooden and I'm sure and I might be wrong I might be lying and I do quite a lot when I do these.

But I'm pretty pretty pretty sure that even during my lifetime when I was maybe a child or a young man some of the escalators on the underground were made of wood. Now they're all metal but I'm pretty sure some of them were made of wood but I think they were originally. But again I might that might not be true it might completely not be true.

I don't know if I'd get that frustrated at some stairs and the time it took to walk up the stairs that I would go to that lengths to invent moving stairs. And it's quite an amazing invention really. And personally I would say it's a good thing for people that can't walk up stairs.

When I was a young man as I used to be and in some of the tube stations not all of them I guess but there were some tube stations where you'd have the escalators on either side and then stairs which you could walk up in the middle. Or there'd be escalators on one side and stairs where you could walk up manually next to it. Quite often I would just walk up the stairs.

I'm not really sure why. It's as if I was trying to prove a point which didn't exist. It's a you know even some of the tube stations in London have I guess I'm being specific saying in London.

But as far as I'm aware there are no tube stations outside of London. And I know that different countries have their own versions of underground transportation. So in France it's the metro I do believe.

In America it's the subway. So I guess you get to travel and eat sandwiches at the same time. I don't know if Canada have an underground system.

I'm unaware if China do. I'm pretty sure China has an underground system. No they do definitely.

I don't know what they call it. Maybe Japan does too. Or other countries.

Germany I think they probably show a lot of different countries in Europe possibly have underground train services. Germany. When I went to not Neanderthal.

Netherlands. Netherlands. I know Netherlands.

I how did I get there? I went by ferry. So the idea is to go to Amsterdam. That was the final destination of that particular trip.

And so I traveled by train to Harwich. This was yeah I think this was in either October or November. I think it was October 2003.

And it might be November. But I know it was cold and I was wearing a hat. And I had shaved my head for some reason.

So I was you know I needed to wear the hat in order to I guess keep the heat inside my scalp. Because what I noticed is when I shaved my head I felt colder when it was cold than I had done previously before I shaved my head and my hair was longer. Or I had hair.

Now I don't know if the temperature was precisely the same when I had no hair to how it was before I shaved my head and I had hair. So it is hard to really distinguish to give you know a correct reading of that particular sensation compared to temperature. But I don't recall if I was wearing a hat when I had hair you know before I shaved my head.

And I know I mentioned you know when I had hair. But I do still have hair. I still have hair follicles.

It's just sometimes they're very shortly trimmed. And you know it's at the moment I'm actually you know some people say I'm growing my hair long. Well I'm not actually actively doing anything.

The hair just grows on its own. I'm not growing it. It's not a hobby.

You know I'm not I'm not talking to my hair in the hope that it grows quicker. There's nothing really involved in it. It just kind of does its own thing.

But I do notice this there's a definite reseedation. Is that a proper word? Reseeding-ness of my the top you know the front of my hair. That's been that's been happening since I think I first noticed it in my late 20s.

Probably around about 29. So that would be 1999 maybe 2000. You know it depends because my birthday's the end of August.

So I'm not although it's 1999 I wasn't 29 until the end of August. So all the months before August in 1999 I was actually 28. For example in January 1999 I was 28.

In February 1999 I was 28 as well. As well as in March 1999 I was still 28. And as we move forward in April 1999 I was 28.

In May 1999 I was 28. And May was it June? In June 1999 I was 28. And in July 1999 I was still 28.

Now this is where it gets interesting. Because in August I was this August 1999 I was both 28 28 and in August 1999 I was also as well as being 28 I was also 29. And you may think well how can how can um I need I need to have a drink my voice is getting all croaky.

You may think how can you be 28 and 29 in the same month? Well for most of the month of August 1999 I was 28. And then on my 29th birthday I you know became 29. But I'm not sure the exact day when I noticed that my hair was receding at the front of my hair.

It might have been it's possible that I was looking in the mirror one day and I thought to myself oh I think I might be receding my hair. But I don't recall what mirror it would have been in. I do remember where I was living at that particular time but there was that's Andre he's just woken up.

He's gone just run over to he's doing this piece of artwork. So I've got some paper laid on the carpet and he's he's doing a little bit of artwork and he's every now and then he he adds a little bit more to the piece of art. He's gone back to add a bit more now and uh I said to him Andre he said yes daddy.

I said uh what are you doing? He said I'm doing some art. I decided to do some art. I said okay so he said it's gonna be a painting.

It's gonna you know he said that he'd like me to when he's finished to actually take the newspaper off the floor and and put it into a frame and just put a big name across it. I said what do you mean your name? Andre he said well yeah but I'd like you to put the title of the piece of art. I said okay well what's have you got a title for it? He said yes.

I said okay what's it called? He looked at me straight in the eyes. He licked his nose and he said daddy it's called the dirty protest. I thought oh okay and I was holding him at the time he jumped off he bit my ankle and he ran off giggling.

So there's quite a few yeah what what I've noticed with my hair is thinking back to that time I was talking about the mirror now I don't know which mirror I saw my hair in that when I noticed that it was receding at the front because I had a mirror in the bedroom there was I think there was two mirrors in the bathroom there was the standard mirror on the right hand side as you went in in fact I think there might have been three mirrors so there's one on the right hand side there's one

there's like a bathroom cabinet you know all those little things that stick to the wall they don't stick by themselves they're not like half octopus not that an octopus would stick to the wall but just you know they're not born with sticky backs not that bathroom cabinets are born but you know I think you have to attach them with screws and bolts and stuff anyway this this little bathroom cabinet see I don't remember if it was a sliding doors or whether it opened outwards but it had mirrors on both sides but there was also and

that was again on the right hand side I think what might have been ah I think it might have been behind the door anyway there was another mirror it was one of those standy up mirrors I suppose something that maybe you could do makeup in or pluck your eyebrows or I don't know this or looking I guess it's it's it's a thing to look into isn't it I guess what you decide to do whilst looking at your own reflection really is between you and yourself is is I guess it's not really that valid for this

particular conversation topic but this mirror there was two sides to it it was a very philosophical mirror and the first side or the second side it depends which way you looked at it I guess I guess really the person that bought the mirror would be the one to decide which one was the first and which one was the second or which one was the front and which one was the back of the mirror you know but so let's say the front of it was just like a normal mirror but shaped in a way that it

was shaped kind of like a I suppose like a an egg but with a longer body or I suppose more like a a pair but with a a thicker head I suppose so it's you know a nice plump bottom but at the same time a nice kind of plump middle bit and I guess a little bit smaller at the top but not by much I'm not trying to I can't think what kind of fruit really would suit that probably some kind of potato if you you could find one that would be that kind of shape

because that's one of the wonderful things about potatoes is they do come in all types of shapes and plus you can eat them and they can keep you alive but the shape bit is also really important they come in lots of different shapes it's like a a food and a toy all at the same time so this mirror it was like a normal what is normal?

I mean I don't I'm very sensitive I don't like to generalize when it comes to mirrors I don't like just to call a mirror normal you know what about the mirrors that maybe have self-esteem issues or just like well you're normal I'm I'm normal and what is normal you know anyway this mirror is a mirror that you can flip if you turn it around and add this little swivel thing so it didn't actually it's really clever you didn't actually have to pick it up and physically turn it around you could just flip it you could

push down and it's kind of forward at the same time at the top of the mirror and it would turn around turn over so you could see the back side of the mirror or alternatively you could push on the bottom of it and then that would you know kind of halfway push it through and then you could then push your hand raise your hand and push down on the bottom at the top and pushing it down so that it flipped around so that you could see the other side of the mirror and here's where it

gets interesting the other side of the mirror was really magnified a little bit scary to start with you know the last thing I want to do when I look in a mirror is think that my nose is growing even bigger but it was luckily it was just the extra magnification and I mean I don't really I don't why not really I don't wear makeup I just I know some people do and I know some men do I don't know any men that do I don't know any men that would probably admit that they do but

some men do wear makeup because makeup for men is sold it's a I just I don't know what I'd do with it if I had makeup I mean what would I put blusher on lipstick and there's been moments in the past times not recently but in the past and where I've been asked am I wearing lipstick which I always find to be quite an unusual question because if I was wearing lipstick that could potentially be a question that I didn't want to be asked possibly but I have never well I have worn lipstick but not

when I've been out and well yeah I was out not out out as in when I was at school I was in drama I had a drama class and I used to dress up every opportunity I would dress up as a woman and wear women's clothes high heels and as much lipstick and as much makeup as I could possibly get onto my face because I don't know why really never really given it much thought but it was fun I think it was just the fun the fun aspect of it you know I don't I didn't

want to be a professional woman I think it's the same as if I used to quite like roller skating but I never wanted to be in the Olympics you know so we used to have a roller skating rink in the town that I used to live when I was a young boy and it was one of my favorite places to go really was and it was this I mean at the time it seemed like a big place and it's outdoors but there was a cabin and you know where you could get your skates wasn't what

like one of those roller worlds massive places it was just a little square um outside thing flat surface which you could skate on and uh you know there was a fence which you you know surrounding each bit so you didn't end up in the field or in someone's garden but this are you they used to play music as well and I loved it there it was really one of my favoritest things when I was young to do absolutely loved it and with the skates you know when you go bowling and I've only really been bowling

I think once I think maybe twice but I think once and the thing that kind of made me decide that maybe bowling is possibly not really the thing for me is the wearing of shoes that other people have also worn worn I know it's not the same as reusing toilet paper I know it's a different thing but I just just felt wrong and I didn't really understand what why I didn't really understand why you know if they had a rule you know no high heels I mean did people used to walk in with hockey shoes

on with ice skaters on you know what did they climb in you know with big spikes on there who used to walk in with elephants riding on elephants I mean so they care about their floor fair enough you know we all need to I guess we all care about something in our lives bowling alleys care about their floors and fair enough but if they had perhaps a a footwear rule so that you know soft shoes only would be you know if you come in you need to wear soft shoes only and that but then they're

making money aren't they from getting people to wear shoes I think they charge yeah I'm pretty sure they did so yeah I wonder whether or not you can take your own shoes in and say hey look and just wave them around well not to everybody because well some people they're busy they you know you can't you can't you distract them from their game you know hey look at my shoes everybody ooh I mean some people might be there on a date I don't know what would be the point in is it a good thing to

do on a first date I suppose even if it goes goes really bad if it's like a really really terrible day at least you can say or at least you touch me balls boom boom boom you know the balls that you chuck yep so I used to love skating and I wasn't necessarily particularly good at it but I used to enjoy it and I had the same kind of rule with skating as I do well I say do but always have done with swimming pools and that is to stay to the side always always be

near the edge I'm always near the edge in life always need something to hold on to need something to grab hold of so that's what I do when I swim I stay near the edge when I was skating I would circle around but I would always be near the edge so if I needed to stop I would grab hold of something and you know the edge the the fence or whatever the gate or whatever it was and I find that's a good way to I'm still a bit like that I quite like to be near

the edge it's nice to have something to grab hold of even now when I walk up and down stairs I still got a tendency of if not holding on to the bannister or the rail I put my hand on top I kind of sometimes feel like I'm patting it just acknowledging it so there there there there like a little donkey but there's something about that security of and safety of knowing it's there because it's there for safety and I think sometimes it's nice to just acknowledge it and even if you don't say it out loud

you sort of you know have a little thank you thanks for being there thanks for thinking of me love you and see I don't go into lifts or elevators unless I need to if I can use the stairs I'll use the stairs although there have been times when I have used lifts for example when going to the top of a building like a you know really high tall building also I find that if you're going well for me if I'm going somewhere new if I'm in a building for the first time let's say going for

a job interview or just meeting somebody and all I have is the name of the company and then I'll walk into a building and there's like 20 or 30 different companies and sometimes I find it is easier to just then get into the lift and go to the floor of that particular company and even though there may be more than one company on that floor at least I then have a better chance of finding the company that I am visiting because then I know I'm in the right place and it just there's less things to

do there's less things to look for because let's say for example I'm visiting I don't know maybe it's a it's a company that sells old pictures of you know action man you know and you can go in there and you can get yourself dressed up as you know various children's toys action man smurf costumes Winnie the Pooh and Barbie you know there were various different children's toys in the past and the present as well you know Teletubbies so you can go in get dressed up in whatever costume you choose and then they take a picture

of you and I like action man of course and although you can't tell but I do have real you know realistic grip fingers and I used to have an action man which had hawk eyes where at the back of the head you could move the eyes from right to left or left to right whichever way and you had the choice of either that was great because a good thing about that is you didn't have to keep turning his head he could keep his head straight all the time and just move his eyes that way from

a distance people wouldn't necessarily know where he was looking because when he moved his head people could see from a distance he's looking to the right or if he looked to the that was if he was looking to the right but if he moved his head to the left people from a distance could see that he was looking to the left but when he was just looking straight forward people from a distance would assume that he's just looking straight ahead but with these eagle eyes being able to move from right to left meant that he

could give the impression of looking straight ahead and the people from a distance would think oh he's just looking straight ahead that he could be looking to the right or they might think he's looking straight ahead and he could be looking to the left without moving his head one inch or even two or to make things more confusing for those people from a distance that don't realize quite what's going on he might move his head to the left and they think oh he's looking to the left but actually with the hawk eyes you could move

the eyes so he's looking to the right which would kind of be straight on had he still had his head facing straight on like it was before but to make it even more exciting he could have his head turned to the left and then have his eyes even further to the left so he could be practically looking behind himself kind of so if there was a tractor or a spaceship or a kangaroo he'd be able to see it and the same as if he was looking straight ahead and then turn to the right turn his

head to the right the people from a distance would just assume he's looking to the right but he might do he might be looking to the right but he might turn his eyes his hawk eyes to the left and he can be looking at the person that he would have been looking at had he just stayed looking forward so the person from a distance won't realize that he's still looking at them or he might turn his eyes to the right and look behind to see if the kangaroo is still there because his lunch box is

just behind him and he's got some special cookies that he made and he doesn't want the kangaroo taking them again so i like to dress up as a as a business owner just say that if that was the situation and i was trying to get to that a business like that then you know i would get the lift rather than the stairs and if i was for example going to go to a business that's going to be a business that's going to be a business for me to dress up as an adult as a cartoon

characters and toy figures although admittedly a lot of those businesses aren't usually too high up in buildings usually more basement level it's been a while since i've been to soho i used to go there a lot when i was younger because that whole area is where a lot of really good book stores used to be so i used to get on the train tube underground and at stratford and then i'm trying to think how many stops there were so i'd get off at tottenham court road tube station this was on the central line so what

would it be so from stratford my land bethnal green liverpool street this is where i get a bit phasey and it's a tottenham court road oxford circus is after that i think and there's a few there's just a few stops i think it's about five or six stops between stratford and tottenham court road so it's not long i get off at tottenham court road i walk off the tube and there's various different routes to get out of the tube stations you know this uh and it's probably changed quite a lot since i've been there so

i used to my my most popular exit used to be the exit that came out just on the corner and it was opposite mcdonald's and i'd come out of there and i would normally turn right into i don't know what road it was charing cross road possibly and there was lots of bookshops some of them are gone now some of them changed over you know being bought out or whatever and i'll talk about that in a future session probably do you know i used to like that i used to like to walk down there browse

the bookshops foils was one bookshop which was a really famous one and black wells and books etc i don't think that's even around anymore water stones or other ones were there i forget but i used to love buying you know various different types of books beat poetry buddhist books hypnosis books just kind of whatever i was into at the time really and it used to be one of my favorite things to go and buy a book or two and i used to go to mcdonald's and then just get the tube back and have a little

look at my books on the way back and look forward to getting home so i could read them one of my little favorite little things sometimes i'd go down to soho so i'd walk down turn right walk down um i forget the name of the road what's the road called i forget anyway it's kind of like a a through road if that makes any sense this it's busy but it's not like a busy road road it's more busy pedestrian wise and i used to go down there and in the middle of soho there used to

be a record store that i used to go to and i used to buy it's more for the videos i used to buy stand-up comedians videos so i used to buy lots of stuff from there over the years and yeah then i come back oh there was another record store as well just through soho on the other side there was i forget what it was called but they also used to have videos and dvds and stuff like that so i used to go in there and sometimes buy stuff as well and there was another shop

again through soho but on the right which used to sell posters and books and quite you know far far not far out stuff but just sort of collectible and interesting stuff see i used to go in there what else did i used to do i used to travel home i did used to get on the tube get back i used to walk back so i'd come out the same entrance every time really and just follow it around which led to the traffic lights i could go across or i could turn left which was more of

a shortcut so i took the left bit and walk around there and there was this furniture shop on the left so i just turned left and that would lead to yeah a couple of pubs a few little pubs and like a off-license and there was happy shopper i think and that was in maryland station the other side of the road that's maryland train station which was the stop in between forest gate and stratford overground and that led to rumford and places like that harold wood so i should turn left walk down i think it was

late in high road or late in stone high road all the way down and then turn right when i got to near the thatched house and walk all the way down to i always kind of lived in that area generally you just walk home maybe buy some milk from the shop on the way there and then i go home watch some telly and get me books out i always like the smell of books you know the smell of the fresh print even though it wasn't really fresh because it might have been years old but it's

still kind of untouched or unsmelled it's quite nice so that's me done for another day i hope i wasn't too interesting and some of the stuff i said and please remember to share by supporting me by sharing this with people subscribe on youtube if you haven't already blah blah blah blah blah bye