#89 Let me bore you to sleep - Jason Newland (4th February 2019)

Hello and welcome to let me bore you to sleep. My name is Jason Newland. Please only listen to this when you can safely close your eyes or please only watch this video on YouTube when you can safely close your eyes.

Although technically you can't really watch it while you've got your eyes closed but you can listen to it and if you are on YouTube please subscribe if you haven't done already because it'd make Andre the Ferret very happy. And that's not a euphemism. I really do have a ferret called Andre.

He is asleep in his bag. Although I think, I think he's asleep in his bag but I guarantee if I stood up now and walked towards the door he would have run out of his bag and he'd be behind me because he wants to go out. So yeah that's kind of where I am with him at the moment.

He's constantly wanting to go out all the time. All the time. And it's getting a little bit frustrating on my part.

My friend thinks it might be because he can smell the girls out there. The lady ferrets. Well I wish I knew where they were then I could take him there and he could go for a date you know.

Get him a little box of chocolates. You know a bunch of flowers to take with him. Especially with Valentine's Day coming up.

Valentine's. I was thinking the other day when is the last time I actually received a Valentine's card. And I can't remember.

I really can't remember. I might have got one in 1994. There's a chance I had a Valentine's card in 1994 because I was dating someone.

So I was kind of in a relationship. And I think it's fair to say that I would have had to have acknowledged Valentine's Day whilst being in a relationship. So I don't think it's one of those things to to easily avoid.

Outside of that I don't recall. I don't recall ever receiving a Valentine's card. An actual you know from a secret admirer.

And I'd like to have a Valentine's card. So one of those little things I'd quite like to happen. But never happened.

I've had a few admirers over the years. As I'm sure kind of I suppose all of us have at some point in our lives. I remember once I was working in a shop.

It was a co-op. I don't know if you have those in other countries. But it's like a little it's a supermarket.

But they're quite often fairly small supermarkets called the co-op or the cooperative society. And they also have different segments to their business as well. They do other things.

I'm pretty sure the co-op used to do like a travel agency. And also like a burial service. I forget what you call it.

What the correct term is for that. Andre's running around. He's absolutely quiet until I started talking.

Just waiting for him to go back into his bed. His bag which is just he's basically running around rubbing himself over things. It's unusual.

Now he's decided to come and jump on me for some reason. Yeah he's now up on my chair stiffing me. There can't be anything smelly.

I had a bath a couple of hours ago. All my clothes are clean. Perhaps that's what it is.

It's like smelling. So where's where's daddy gone? Where's daddy smell gone? You're a cheeky one you are. Aren't you cheeky? Yeah you're a cheeky one.

You little monkey. You're a little monkey. Yes you are.

Yes you are. You're the littlest monkey in the whole wide world. So he's got food.

I've given him food to eat. He's got water to drink. Doesn't sound like a very exciting life does it? But I did take him out for a walk earlier.

It wasn't long ago. It's only about two hours ago. If that yeah probably about two hours.

About two hours wasn't it? Yes it was. Yes it was. And now he's laying on my belly.

Yes you are. Aren't you? What is it you're after? Do you know? It's quite cold outside at the moment. With the temperature dropping.

Although I don't think it's as cold as it was yesterday. Oh listen to his little sneeze. He does the little sneeze but I like it when he does the really squeaky sneeze.

It's very cute. I think it'd be good if we all had those little little ferret sneezes. The little squeaky ones you know.

I think it'd cause a lot of harmony. You know it disrupts arguments. Do you know if two people are arguing and one of them just does a really squeaky sneeze.

It'd be hard to continue arguing after that. It'd be like oh that was cute. Oh okay.

Oh. And the argument would be over. There'd be no more no more wars.

If we all had little squeaky sneezes. Would there Andre? No. So I don't know why he's decided to come and lay on me.

It's probably because I'm talking and he feels left out. Because he knows that I'm doing a recording because I do a lot of these. So he knows that when I do these I'm kind of focusing on something else other than him.

And he likes to be focused on. He likes my attention to be on him. Which is a bit strange.

A strange behavior. When a lot of the time he wants to be left alone. You know I'll go to cuddle him because I need to cuddle.

I need a bit of attention. And he'll push me away and say no no not now. I'll let you know when.

And I'll go but Andre I just need a bit of a cuddle. A bit of father son time. And he'll go no.

I'm busy right now. And he's trying to climb onto the. Oh he's gone now.

He's gone off. He's jumped off. No I didn't have a valentine's card.

I'm just trying to go through the different years. I don't recall ever getting a valentine's card whilst at school. Just thinking.

No I don't think so. I gave a few out I think. I say probably.

I'm guaranteed I gave at least one valentine's card out. Probably a few over the years whilst being at school. But I don't recall necessarily.

So then I left school when I was 15. That was 1986. So I went and worked.

No so 1986 February I was still at school. And I left in the April I think. So I was still at school at that time in February in 1986.

But everything was winding down. So if I recall correctly I spent less and less time at school. I kind of just gave up on it a bit during the last year.

Sort of came and went as I pleased really. And I left school without any qualifications. But I don't recall whether or not I sent a valentine's card to anybody in 1986.

I don't think I did. But I might have done. But I don't recall.

But I definitely didn't get one. And as I was saying earlier when I worked in the co-op I had a girl come in and actually give me a letter. Like a little letter.

And I was 17 at the time. She was probably about the same age. Maybe a little bit younger.

Maybe 16. And she gave me a letter saying that she fancied me and she wanted to know if I wanted to come out and be her boyfriend. So I. Good thing there was a telephone number and I phoned her up and I went round and she was.

I went round it was on a Saturday morning I think. And she was doing her hair. And she had a dressing gown on.

And she was doing her hair. And I just got bored. And so I said alright see ya.

And nothing happened after that. It was like one of the shortest relationships I ever had. I don't know.

Just. Yeah. Oh another short relationship I had.

There was this girl. Again I was 17 working the co-op. And she was about the same age.

Maybe 16. She was working full time as well. And she came from a different area.

So she she just came to fill in for someone that was off ill. And I got on really well with her. I don't remember her name.

It's a long time ago. I remembered her name at the time. Although when I spoke to her quite often I didn't really feel the need to say her name because I was looking at her and talking to her.

And when you're sitting in a room looking at the person and talking to them there's no reason to say their name at all. Because they're going to know who you're talking to. Because they're the only one there.

So there's no reason to ever say a person's name if you're the only one in the room with them. So for that reason I probably never actually use her name. Of course you could live in a home with somebody.

Live in a flat or a house or apartment. Bungalow. Whatever.

And I suppose you'd need to use the other person's name if you were calling them. Or you've got a choice. You could just say Oi.

Or Dearest. Beautiful. I don't know.

Whatever the name you might have. Like a little nickname. I had a girlfriend once.

It was in 2006. And I met her in the summertime 2006. And we dated until the end of the year.

It was probably together until January when we split up. And that would have been January 2007. Anyway.

She said to me. She said to me Jason. And straight away I thought well why are you calling me Jason? I know it's my name but it's only us in the room.

There's no one else. We were in her house. There was nobody else there.

It was just the two of us. And she bought this house for me and her to live in. There was no one else.

It was just me and her. But she said my name. So I thought oh okay.

Yeah. And she said we might have actually been in bed at the time. Because there's only two places I remember in that.

The kitchen a little bit. There was two living rooms that had settees and stuff in. But there was a particular living room it had a settee.

So if you go into the room. Look to the right. There was a settee.

And that's where I was sitting. Because I had some. Yeah.

I remember. Because when she was in the kitchen. Which is if you go into the front door.

It goes straight ahead all the way through to the. And that's the kitchen area. But the first right as you walk through is where the living room was.

So I was in there while she was in the kitchen cooking a dinner. And I found a way of sneaking out chocolates from one of those like assorted boxes of chocolates. I managed to get through the cellotape and pick one out and eat it.

So I felt. I felt quite good about myself. Although it was dishonest.

It just. It was a nice dishonest. It was.

I felt all right with it. It didn't really seem to go against my morality. But she said to me.

It might have been in the bedroom that she said it to me. Because in the bedroom. That was upstairs.

I don't recollect the whole layout of the house. But I'm pretty sure the bedroom was facing the front. So it would have been above the living room.

And the bathroom. I wonder if the bathroom was on the suite. I don't.

I don't know. I'm not sure. But there was a bathroom anyway.

Somewhere within the rough area within the house. Upstairs. And there was a television on the side.

But it wasn't like an ordinary television. It's more like a monitor. Like a flat screen.

And bearing in mind. They weren't that. There wasn't that many flat screen TVs around at that time.

Back in 2006. Flat screen TVs. I don't think were the norm yet.

Or they might have been. Maybe I'm just losing track of what kind of televisions. Yeah.

I wonder if flat screens. Because I had a television. I had a television with a DVD player integrated within it.

And it wasn't a flat screen. But then I bought a flat screen TV. I've got.

I think what I've got now is 36 inches. Or was it 32 inches? This is big enough for my needs. Perhaps could do with a bigger one in the future.

But the one I used to have. In fact I've still got it. But my friend's got it.

He borrowed it. When his television broke. And now he replaced the broken television.

But he's got my television in his bedroom. So I really kind of should have my television back. Really shouldn't I? But I don't really want a television in my bedroom.

Because it worries me that I might end up just laying on my bed watching television. And I don't want to do that. I want to try and stay I don't know.

Just stay out of the bedroom. Unless I'm sleeping. Or getting changed.

Or you know anything connected to the bed. I don't really want to sit up and watch television. Because that's what I spent most of my adult life doing.

Not as I was working as well. But like in evenings. Because I'd be sleeping in one room.

Just living in one room. I'd often just have a bed to sit up on. A single bed.

A television at the end of the bed. And that would be my. Usually it was a small television as well.

Like a portable. I don't even know what size they were. 14 inch? Or was that.

Is it 19 inch? It's probably about. 14 inch. 20, 40, 30.

I'd say the TV I had before was probably two thirds the size of this. One that I've got now. Or maybe half.

Maybe less. So it's hard to tell really. Unless I measured them.

Which I just. It's the process of going and getting it. And bringing it up.

And measuring it. And then trying to work out. Because it won't measure in a kind of standard way.

Because if I measured it then. Because it's. Then.

Well they are the same shapes. But I don't know how. How we would.

I don't know really much about measurements. Yeah. And when she said.

She said to me. Who was in a bed. Why don't I. Why don't I call her something? I said what do you mean? She said why don't you call me babes.

Or honey. Or sweetheart. I said.

Why would I do that? She said that's what men do. They call their girlfriends honey. Or sweetheart.

Or babes. Or darling. Or love.

I suppose not. I'm clearly not like other men then am I? Because it's fake. For me to do that.

If I'm not naturally doing it. I don't. It's not natural.

I guess. Maybe. Maybe.

Because I've moved around a little bit. Or maybe I've not been hugely impressed with the culture that I've been around. Like to the point where I wanted to adopt it.

And be like everyone that's around me. And talk the same way as everyone that's around me. Use the same mannerisms.

And the same kind of speech. And the same words. And yeah.

I'm not really. Not really. I suppose.

I'm sure I have done that over the years. And I probably still do. I do say mate.

Right mate? I do say cheers. And thanks. Intermittently.

So if I get off the bus sometimes I say thank you. Sometimes I say cheers. When I've purchased an item in a shop.

Sometimes I say thank you. Sometimes I say cheers. Sometimes I say thanks.

I really do a little dance. I put my thumbs up. With a big smile.

That doesn't happen. I say rarely. It's never.

I say it's never happened. It might have done. I have done some pretty strange things over the years.

So I met this girl in the co-op. And we got on really really well. She was laughing at my jokes.

And I was laughing at her jokes. And I really fancied her. She was really nice.

Same kind of age. She might have even been older than me. I don't.

I really don't know. But she was the type of. Yeah.

She. She kind of what. Quite type.

Type of girl that I would have liked to have been with. I thought. But she lived in a different town.

Which wasn't a problem. It wasn't a long distance. You know.

It's just a bus ride. So we arranged to meet. On the Sunday.

And I think I probably saw her on a Saturday. And we arranged. I think maybe I'd seen her Friday and Saturday.

Or maybe I'd worked with her for three days. Thursday, Friday, Saturday. Something like that.

Anyway. I just. I thought.

I'll see you tomorrow. So I got on the bus. I called her up.

We didn't have mobile phones back then. It was really a case of just. Sometimes it was a case of using a map.

Which I would do. So actually having a map. And marking on the map where it is I wanted to go.

And you know. Working out a route. There from the bus stop.

Or the train station. Or wherever it was. That you know.

I'd come from. So I was really looking forward to seeing her. Because.

I can't go into details. But there was. There's certain things I liked about her.

And apart from her personality. I was so attracted to her. And I was looking forward to hopefully getting to know her.

And having some fun. So I got there. I got to her house on a Sunday afternoon.

I don't know what time it was. Probably two o'clock. Possibly.

And I was at her house. And she was acting a bit strange. A bit offish with me.

And I didn't really. Didn't really understand what was going on. She had a friend with her as well.

And her friend basically monopolized the entire conversation. So the person I visited didn't really say much. And her friend was all over me.

And she was trying to sit on my lap. And I really didn't know what to do. I didn't want to be rude.

And I eventually put my trousers back on. I didn't want to be rude. I just didn't know what to do.

Because I liked the girl that I was visiting. But her friend. For some reason was.

And trying to mess things up for us. I don't know why. I don't know what was going on there.

And she succeeded. In a very, very successful way. And I tried to have a conversation with the girl that I was visiting.

She just didn't want to talk to me. So she. It's like she was angry for me.

With me. For letting this girl sit on my lap. Angry at me.

But not angry at her friend. And I was in the middle of nowhere. There was no buses.

No trains. And I kind of didn't really know what to do. How to.

How I was going to get home. Because of Sunday afternoon. Everything seemed to have shut down.

So I ended up getting a taxi home. Which cost me quite a lot of money. I was so glad to get home Those were the days.

When a Sunday. Everything kind of shut down. There was a time in England.

Where the only things that were open on a Sunday. Was the newsagents. And that was only till like twelve or one o'clock.

And the pubs would be open for lunch time. For a couple of hours. They'd close and then they'd be open again in the evening.

For an even shorter period than normal. There wouldn't be any supermarkets open. There'd pretty much not be any shops open.

Once the newsagents had closed at midday. So if you needed to get milk or anything like that. You'd need to go to the newsagents.

Because there would not be any supermarkets open. Of course this did depend upon where you lived. But the general consensus was.

Not allowed to open a shop on a Sunday. Which meant Sundays were incredibly boring in some ways. Because it wasn't just the shops that weren't open.

The businesses. No one seemed to work on a Sunday. Apart from maybe during the seasonal times.

When it'd be sort of summer time. And there'd be ice cream. Places where you could buy ice creams from in the summer.

On a Sunday. I'm trying to think. Oh while we're talking about.

Well I don't know. It wasn't really a mistake.Me visiting the girl from the co-op.

Who I was working with. Because I thought she liked me. And so that was just.

I think that was. It wasn't really a mistake. Perhaps a mistake.

Letting her friend do a lap dance for me. Perhaps I could have avoided that situation. And if it happened again I would have done.

But I didn't really know how to react at the time. I was still. Yeah I was 17.

So it was 1988. And. And with the other girl that sort of said that she liked me.

And gave me that letter. So I guess she must have decided she didn't like me. After she'd met me.

That's very strange. Couldn't really work it out. Because I thought well you know what.

You see me during the daytime. So you know what I look like. It's not like you met me in a darkened nightclub.

And you were drunk. And you know everything was a bit fuzzy. And this is.

I met these people during the day where everybody was sober. At least I thought I was. And it was a bright day.

And I don't know. I don't think there's really any any surprises to be had. It's not like I turned up with big clown shoes on.

You know that would be. Maybe that would have been a bit of a shock. Or a cape.

I guess you know. Standing with the opera cape. Because that would have been a strange thing to turn up on a date with.

Again Andre's scraping at the carpet. I don't know why he can't just behave himself. I put him in the.

Perhaps it's wrong. But I woke up. Had my breakfast.

And I just wanted to go back to bed. And he was scratching at the door trying to get out. So I just put him in his cage.

I might take him out for a little walk later. Just for a little you know. Just just outside.

Maybe just in the garden or something. Just so he's been out. And had a little rub around and stuff.

Like he likes to. Sort of in the mud. And maybe I'll give him a bath.

He doesn't like baths. He really doesn't like them. I don't know.

I don't know why it is really. I've seen ferrets in baths on YouTube. And they all seem to be.

Well it seems like they're enjoying it. But they seem to be okay. But he's just.

He won't have it. Really will not have it. At all.

So does anybody else call their partner babe. Or darling. Or sweetheart.

Or have a another kind of nickname. A lovey-dovey nickname for them. Because that just doesn't feel comfortable to me.

To do it myself. I'm not bothered about other people doing it. They can do what they want.

Which is for me just would feel false. Although saying that. I call Andre darling.

I call him beautiful. I give him. Call him sweet tits.

I call him lots of different lovely little names. But it's different though with him. Because he's not my girlfriend.

He's my son. So I don't think my dad actually knows what my name is. He just calls me son.

And I know that I said you know why do people. What's the point in saying someone's name when you're in the room with them and there's no one else about. Or who else could they be talking to.

But I would kind of like to hear my dad say my name. Just to prove that he knows what it is. Because I'm not sure he does.

It's terrible to say isn't it. But I'm not sure if he does know my name. He just calls me son.

You're right son. Hello son. Happy Christmas son.

Happy birthday son. Do your fly up son. Don't do that at the dinner table son.

Don't do that at our funeral son. He's not so different. He's just son.

He's called me son. But then I do call him dad. I've never called him anything else but that.

I suppose when I was little I'd call him daddy. Daddy. Probably from the age of seven to nineteen maybe.

I don't know. I don't know. I always found it difficult to know at what point I should start changing the way that the people around me are acting to change to be like that.

You know as far as when is the right time to stop saying daddy and to start saying dad or papa. But papa wasn't a local way to speak. But it's like daddy and dad.

So with that transformation that leap from daddy to dad. When did that happen? Mummy to mum. Nanny to nan.

Grandad to grandad. So there wasn't really much change there with the grandad situation. So my grandad Newland.

I used to call it because well though I didn't have another grandad. At some point I did obviously. But my grandad Newland was my father's, my dad's dad.

And my nanny Newland was my dad's mother. And I was very very close to her while she was alive. But I don't remember at what point I started calling her nan as opposed to nanny.

Oh did you hear that? That was my stomach. That's because I'm more relaxed. More calm.

I'm feeling quite relaxed. I never know when the hour is up. Oh it's not up yet.

Still got another eight minutes. Yay. I could tell you more about my life.

I'll be honest with you. I nearly fell asleep then. I could so easily just drift off.

Which is a good thing. After all that's kind of what these recordings are about. Let's have a drink there.

So today you may have noticed, you may not have noticed, that my introduction was different. And I didn't mention my website because I've gotten rid of it. And the reason for that is it's kind of financial really.

I can't afford to run a website for a free service anymore. It's costing me quite a bit of money. To run the podcasts.

So the website's gone for now. I've still got the domain name. So I'll no doubt do something with it in the future.

But for now to have the kind of website that I had which was a Shopify website and the whole idea of it was to sell stuff. But because I don't sell anything and everything I do is free. It makes no sense to have a website which is aimed at selling things.

So therefore I don't have a website. It is gone. Which is okay.

It's kind of weird though because it's one less thing for me to focus on. One less thing for me to distract myself with. You hear my stomach is making some weird sounds.

Probably let me know that it's possibly time to be considering some type of edible experience. In other words I need to eat something at some point this evening. I could so easily just drift away.

So I guess as we get closer to the ending of this recording I'd like to not just make more recordings but I'd also like to spend more time studying so that I can incorporate my learnings within the audio. That sentence lost me there. I fell asleep while I was talking.

I think I was trying to say I'd like to learn more and include that with the recordings or in the recordings. That's it from me for today. See you next time.

Bye.