#56 Let me bore you to sleep - LIVE - Jason Newland (18th November 2018)

Hello and welcome to jasonnewland.com. My name is Jason Newland. This is let me bore you to sleep number, I don't know, number 56 or something like that. So I've been thinking about what new boring things I can do to really tap into that boredom, that pleasurable boredom-ness that you may get bored with.

So I thought I might actually read from the phone book, which is the most boring thing that anyone could ever do. And it feels a little bit too more, too boring even for me to withstand doing that, but I might do. So only listen to this or watch this video and you can safely close your eyes just to let you know that all my videos, all my MP3s since 2006 are all available to download for free on my website, jasonnewland.com. I've also got podcasts on SoundCloud, iTunes, Spreaker, iHeartRadio, I'm on Spotify, YouTube, you know, various different places.

And of course, Facebook, Twitter. And just opening the page of the phone book. Oh, I don't fancy reading out of the phone book.

Oh, I could just A to list, A to Z listens of local resident numbers. Wow, I wonder if I'm in here. I doubt it.

I need different glasses for this. These are my reading glasses, LMN. LMN, so my name's MN, my name isn't MN, my name is Nuland, Nuland, L-N-N.

New bit, new ling, there's a new ling, there's a new man. That's not me. Although I am kind of a new man.

I'm, I don't know what I'm doing. So, new stone, Newton, new L-N-E-W-L-H-I-J. So yeah, no, there isn't.

There's not that many Nulands around, believe it or not. I've got a few people seem to add me on Facebook that have the same name, the same surname as me. But they're not the same, they're not related.

Let's have a look, new, new, new, new, N-E-W, new, Newark, Newberry, Newberry, Newbold. Makes me angry when I hear Newbold, I used to get called that at school. Newbold, Jason Newbold, New Zealand lamb was another thing I used to get called at school.

Kids are so clever and quick. Newly, newly, Jason, ah, ah, that's interesting. There is a Nuland, a Jason, but it's not, it's in Essex, but it's not near here, it's not me.

It's definitely not me because, ah, that's interesting. So there's one, two, three, four, five. Is me saying there's no Nulands and there is five, but they're not me.

So the point of this, in case you have just come across this and thinking, what kind of hell have I arrived in? There's some random man, a bald man wearing glasses, because I've shaved my head today, and reading out of a telephone book, something that clearly hasn't existed for quite a few years, yet I'm holding a copy of one. And it seems to, I'm waving back to Christy. Hi, Christy.

I love Christy. I love your surname, always liked your surname, cool surname. Ah, look, I've got an idea.

Should I look at the hypnotists or hypnotherapists in my area? I won't be in it, because I do everything online, I don't really do, don't see humans. Now, sometimes I wonder if I'll be able to see humans, not legally, I mean, I'm not banned from seeing humans, but I wonder if, how I'll get on with face-to-face sessions, because I used to be a therapist, I used to do counselling and hypnosis with people face-to-face, but I haven't done it for so long, a few years, that I'm not sure if I know what to do. I suppose, like, I could sit down and say, hello, Christine says I should get a business going.

I know, thanks, Christine. I suppose, really, even, so I used to be a counsellor and a hypnotherapist. So I did the hypnosis training back in 1999, and went from there, but didn't really start practising with people till 2006.

And then in 2007, for three years, I did a counselling degree, full-time. And then from 2009 onwards, I practised as a counsellor, because I qualified, and then the third year was for the degree. And I did that for about three years.

And then the charities I worked for just lost their funding due to political reasons, and austerity and all that stuff. And I had to quit doing it, because there was no money. In my last year of working, as a self-employed, I earned £5,000.

Can you believe it? Christine says, I remember you saying that on your older videos, it was really helpful for those in addiction centres. Yeah, I forgot about that. Yeah, I used to, how can I forget something that's really important to me? I used to do, in 2006, I launched a chronic pain relief service, locally, and used to visit people in their homes and stuff like that.

I did that for free, but I was working full-time. But I also led relaxation groups for a drug rehab centre called Iceni, and an alcoholic centre, it's probably not the right term for it, but helping people with alcoholism and gambling addictions, which was called Norcas. So I helped them.

I did that for a couple of years, a year and a half, something like that, until I moved away to do the degree. My aim, life doesn't work out, does it, in this kind of a way that you plan sometimes. But my aim was to, I was influenced or motivated to become a counsellor, because the counsellors that I worked with in the drug and rehab centres, I say worked with, I volunteered, they were working, but they were all so lovely.

And I thought, maybe if I did that, helped people, maybe I could be lovely too. That's kind of my thinking, because they all just seemed so gentle and kind. So that's when I started looking into, I asked for advice, and my plan was to do the degree and then do my training during the degree, like my counselling hours, excited to get 100 hours with clients.

And I was going to do that in the charities that I was volunteering. But I've just seen a Brussels sprout on my floor. I was just, I had cooked myself a roast dinner earlier, and I've got this little boy that seems to want my attention.

So I had a, yeah, I had a, I think it was, I think sometimes when things fall off my plate, when I'm eating, if it makes a noise, then I'll kind of remember to pick it up. But I think that Brussels sprout is if it tried to escape from my plate, and I didn't know where it was. So Andre's just giving daddy kisses.

Give daddy kisses. He's getting a bit of a, Andre's got a bit of a following online. Give him kisses.

He's got, Blondalyn says, hello, hello, hi. Are you giving daddy, are you giving daddy another kisses? Look. Oh, he's sighing.

He loves to sigh. Christie's asking how old, he's gotten very big since she last saw him. This is your first He's now three years and two, no, three years and three months old.

So he was three years in probably August. I got him in September when he was probably three, three, five months, five weeks old. He was, he was just able to eat solid foods when I got him.

And the reason that I got him so early is because he kept fighting with his brother. So there was a lot of, they didn't get on very well. So he needed somewhere to come and he ended up with me.

Now look at him. He's a big, look how big he is. It's a very big boy now.

He's the absolute love of my life. He is. It's amazing.

You'd have said to me three years and four months ago that I would fall in love with a little furry poo machine like this. I would have said, no, no, no, no, no. But I did.

And having him in my life has transformed my life because he's just so important, so important to me. And he's so loving sometimes. He's a little monkey sometimes as well.

Yeah, Christy says he's big from all the droppings from my plate. He does, he does beg for my food sometimes. The thing he likes most, do you want to go? Go on then.

The things he likes most is my breakfast. He actually thinks that when I, when I get my breakfast ready, it's his breakfast. To the extent that sometimes I'll put my bowl of breakfast on the table next to my chair, go back into the kitchen to get my coffee.

And when I walk back, he's actually started eating the breakfast. It doesn't happen very often, but I catch him about to do it sometimes. And not best pleased when he does that.

He absolutely loves, what are they called? Not Weetabix. Shredded wheat. I don't know what you call them in other countries, but they're basically just square wheat thingies with holes in and they taste nice.

Just drinking a cup of coffee. No, cup of tea. It's really strange seeing myself without any hair and without a beard.

I just feel really naked. It's very weird. I mean, last night I had a full, massive, bushy Santa Claus beard and the hair.

You know, the ironic thing is one of the reasons I shaved my head is because when my hair grows too long, you can see that it's receding. But logically, that means that I don't want anyone to think that I might be going bald. So therefore, I just shave all my head off and I'm bald.

And everyone will think that I am bald. So there's not a lot of logic to that. So I've got these glasses on.

These are the... I just came up. Some YouTube thing. Oh, I just realized I haven't put my video on Do Not Disturb.

But hi, Anne. Hi. I suppose if anyone does ring me up at this time of the night, it's because it's an important phone call because it's like half three or something like that.

But I didn't wake up until seven o'clock this evening. So I had a very long, long sleep yesterday. Or, yeah.

Because the last week or so I've had Andre. I just left him to do what he wants, which means I don't get any proper sleep because he comes and goes, jumps on the bed, plays and everything like that. Because he doesn't sleep for eight hours.

He sleeps about probably 18 hours a day. But it's in bits. It's in like, you know, when he is awake, he's awake.

And he's making noise and he's getting into the kitchen cupboards and knocking all the tins out and rearranging the flat and moving things around and making little nests around the place and basically just trying to wind me up, I think. And also, who knows? I don't know what his... But right now he's fully awake and I don't know what his intentions are right now. I could... I don't know if I can turn this around.

You can have a look, see what he's doing. There you go. That's all his toys and all his bits.

So that's what he does. So last night I put him in his cage. All early hours of this morning, probably about seven o'clock this morning.

And I just gave myself a bit of space to just sleep, close the door, take my socks off. That sounds like a really weird description of my sleeping. The procedure before going to sleep.

I put Andre in his cage, put the ferry in the cage and take my socks off. So Andre's a ferret. He's a mixed breed between a polecat and a ferret.

He's not a pure ferret. He's not pure polecat. He's sort of a semi-wild, as it were.

But he's not wild obviously because he's tame as anything now. But he was wild when I got him. Even though he was born into captivity, he was very, very vicious.

But now... He gets vicious sometimes, but he's generally calm. He's kind of like a... He does not like doing anything that he doesn't want to do. It's all about him.

It's all... I suppose we're all like that really, aren't we? I suppose in a way. And I wish I had pockets there so I could put my hands in my pockets and relax my shoulders a bit more. I still relax them, but it feels like they should have pockets.

You know what I mean? Sometimes it's like you see someone wearing a hat and you think, I should have a feather at the side of that hat sticking out. It just doesn't look right without a feather. Or maybe a bicycle.

You just... You should have a horn. You should have a little... I'm doing that really quiet horn because this is a sleep session. Right.

I was going to look at this to see if there's any hypnosis session, hypnotherapies. Just bear with me. H-I.

It's an H. So this is the point of this session. Although there's those of you that are watching it live that might not be listening, watching it, or not knowing what it is, or what the point is of it. But I've been doing these videos for a few months now.

This is the 56.1. And the real point is that I just am really boring. And people can... It's a mixture of things, I suppose. There's the boring aspect.

So if I was just to make a video or just to make an audio, you've got me just talking about stuff. But then when I go live, there's the added potential of company. Just having someone there live just talking.

Hi, Brooke. And now I feel pressured. I feel like my future boss is watching me.

So that's kind of what the point of these is. You've got the boringness of it with the let me bore you to sleep. But there's also the intention of something else that you might gain from it.

And I think that's what's quite good about anything, anything that you do. Like reading a book, you can gain something that might not have entered your mind before you decided to read that book. Brooke says there's no pressure.

Okay. So for those of you, I was going to read out of a phone book. I thought that'd be a really good thing to do.

I don't always have the best ideas. But at the same time, for those listening back to this, for those listening live or watching live, it's maybe quite a weird... Can be a bit of a weird thing, especially if it's in the middle of the day for where you are and you're not lying there with your eye blind things on and your curtains drawn and your hot water bottle. So it might not be there for you for that, for what you want.

But if you're listening to this later or watching this later, when you... The person that might struggle to sleep or... They're so used to listen to my voice. And when they do listen to my voice, it just sends them off into a... Maybe a sense of comfort, hopefully a sense of safety as well. Maybe, I don't know, maybe you feel a bit safer when I haven't got the beard, but maybe it's better when I've got the beard.

I don't know. Christy says, do you still do the YouTube videos? Yeah, this is a YouTube video in a sense. I've got 445, I think, videos on YouTube, on my YouTube channel.

And every time I make a video, I upload it. But unlike before, I used to, even when I did an audio, I would convert it into a video by adding a picture, and then it'll be a video. But now I only make videos... The only videos that I upload to YouTube are the ones where I'm actually on the video, if that makes sense.

Sort of moving pictures, as it were, I think they used to be called. But my old stuff's on there, even from 2007, 2008, maybe 2009, 10, 11, 12, all the different years. And it's kind of weird because I've been going through them from my website.

So I'm going through a lot of different things and updating and trying to organize everything so it's easier to find on the actual website. And I'm coming across sessions that I'd forgotten about. For example, a lady on Facebook asked me to, if I would make a session on a particular subject.

And then over the last two days, I found two sessions that actually would kind of fit together with that, with what she needed. So I just sent them to her. But it's the same with the videos, I'm seeing videos where I'm in a specific room.

Because unlike lately, the last three years, all my videos have been done in here, in my flat. But in the past, I used to do videos in therapy rooms that I worked, I used to do them in a Buddhist center, I used to do them where I lived. So it's lots of different places that you see, you can kind of get a map of my life over that period of time, different places that I've lived and worked.

But at the moment, everything's done here. So, which I'm okay with, it's fairly quiet. It's a little bit echoey, because I don't have much furniture.

But I'm very minimalist. Hi, Tonya. Christy says, you put me to sleep many, many nights.

Thank you. Yeah, I think what happened, you know what happened, Christy, is I never realized that I was boring. I didn't realize how boring my videos were going to be.

When I first started, I was interested in chronic pain relief. And then other people, because I was doing the live sessions with the relaxation, the groups, they started asking me to make CDs for them. So I did, I recorded it live, converted it into a CD.

And then I thought, well, I'm getting through so many CDs, and it's costing a charity a fair bit of money and work to produce these CDs. So then I started just putting them onto my website, so people could download the link, you know, the MP3s. And then that's where it all came from.

But then people started asking for sleep. And that's the thing that has been most requested, is, you know, me being boring to the people. She said, I did a video for your son.

I appreciate it so much. It really helped him. I did, I don't remember that.

That's cool. Christy says, I'm not boring. Thank you.

No, I am, but I'm not boring. I think that makes sense. I, it's hard to explain it.

I don't really know how to explain it. I'm not, I don't talk quickly. Although when I say the word quickly, I do whistle.

And I don't know why, because as far as I'm aware, I don't have any speech issues, but I whistle. Whistle, when I say whistle, actually, it wasn't a good idea to whistle. It's a sleep session, whistling loudly.

There's that connection, isn't there, to, if you listen to somebody, and you listen to them doing a relaxation session, and there's that connection. So some people would connect even seeing me on camera to a sense of maybe comfort, safety, relaxation, if that is what they've been listening to, or watching me do it. Does that make sense? In the same way, it's just, I guess, a trigger, but with the voice.

And also, I used to say that a lot in my videos and in my sessions, that every time you hear my voice, you'll feel relaxed, you'll feel calm. And I don't say that so much nowadays, but I used to. But, so I'm not boring you yet.

I'm trying to. I will. If I start, don't test me, because I will.

I'll start reading out of this book. I'll start reading the health clubs and fitness centers. Or, what about plumber's merchants, GNM, plumbers and heating supplies.

We offer superb prices on a huge range of heating controls, radiators, plumbing accessories, water softeners, boilers, and tools. One of my earlier, Let Me Bore You To Sleep sessions. I think it's just an audio, so it's not on YouTube, but it's on my website.

It's like number two or three in the list. It's also on SoundCloud, Spotify, some places like that. And I literally read out the stats from my podcasts at that time that they were.

I actually deleted those podcasts and had to start new ones. But I was reading the stats from each country and each town from each country on each month and then each day. And it went on for about an hour, over an hour.

And that was particularly boring. I was quite pleased with that. I had a friend told me that that was one of the most boring things I'd ever experienced in his life.

And it's something quite nice to get told, usually when someone tells you that that was the most, when you were talking, that's the most boring thing that I've ever heard. And usually that's not a compliment, but in this instance, it can be. So I've kind of, I've set myself up to win regardless of what happens.

Because someone says to me, you're boring. I say, thanks. If they say you really helped me, I say, thanks.

So either way, it's a win for me. Oh, thank you for whoever's sending love, love hearts. So I've decided I'm not drinking Coke tonight.

Andre's making a lot of noise behind me. Not sure what he's up to. There he is, look.

He loves making noise. It's as if like he's completely quiet, silent asleep. As soon as I press play or record on a video, you hear him.

He hasn't done that all day. Right now he's decided to make lots of noise. It's just, it's a wind up.

So yeah, I decided to drink some tea today instead of Coke because I made a recording, I made a video yesterday and I was sitting in my black chair and I'm not going to tell you exactly what went through my mind, but just say, I didn't look the slimmest I've ever looked. And I thought, oh, maybe I need to sort of cut down some of my sugar intake and perhaps go back to the gym, get myself a little bit of, lose a bit of weight. I mean, to be fair, by shaving off my beard, I probably lost about a stone.

So that's, that's quite good. Christy says he just looks like a real child. He is.

He's just like a, he's just like a real child. He's stubborn, wants his own way all the time. Everything's about him.

It's, you know, he's hungry. He wants to eat. When I'm hungry, he wants to eat my food.

And what's weird is I'll actually offer him bits of food and he won't want it. But once it's inside my mouth, he wants it. So everything that I put in my mouth, he wants to eat.

I think he thinks he's a seagull or something. And you know, I'm his mum and I'm supposed to feed him that way. Very strange.

I'm trying to be careful how I drink. I don't want to upset anyone with the drink sounds. So Christy says, is he going to get a mate? No, he's, um, I have thought about it, but he has his relative, his uncle, who's a pole cat, lives locally and they fight.

They really fight hard. And he's so territorial with my home. He doesn't like other animals.

He's fine with humans, but when it comes to other animals, he's really quite vicious. I don't understand why he's like that, but it might be because he's had so much freedom. He's had a whole flat.

It's a one bedroom, but there's one, two, three, four, five rooms plus a hallway. And, you know, if you include the kitchen, bathroom, living room, bedroom, and the storage room, which is quite big as well, and the hallway. So he's had all that access to kind of come and go and do whatever he wants.

And I suppose that's quite, considering how little he is, that's quite a large space, not compared to how it would be in the wild, because he'd be running around, running through fields and all that stuff. That's my stomach, that was. And again, I do wonder, I've got this microphone.

Look, the microphone's there, but this is the power pack for the microphone. But I don't know, there's a battery in it, but I don't know when the battery starts to run out. So I might be standing here, or sitting here rather, talking, and the battery's run out, and I won't even know.

And again, that's a really boring thing to say. And I think what it is, is I find over the last few years, I've caught myself being boring. And I realize that, why? That sometimes I just stop myself halfway through a sentence and say, oh, that was, I'm boring myself now.

I'm gonna just, I'll leave that. So yeah, that's kind of why I do this. But this isn't all I do.

I do, at the moment, I'm very much focused on making my website as nice and organized as possible. That's something I'm really working on. But back to what Christy says, I'd love to get him, I thought about getting him a little, a little ferret, you know, a baby.

And to see whether or not he'd be a daddy, a good dad. And to look after him, and to nurture him, you know, all that. And maybe they'll sleep together and stuff.

But I don't know. I'm not sure. He'd have to be a boy.

But I just worry that Andre would be too rough. And I don't want that. I don't want, you know, that.

I just wouldn't want him to get too rough, you know. But you can't help it. It's his nature to play very roughly.

He does it with me, scratches me, bites me. But that's because I let him. Because we'd play fight and stuff.

Of course, I'd bite him, of course. Not really. So let's have a look.

Hypnotherapy. I'm trying to think. I'm getting a memory for you, Christy.

I remember just, not you, but I remember the, yeah, I'm beginning to remember. Because we've spoken in the past, haven't we? Ages ago. I might come to America.

And if I do, then I might try and see if there's somewhere that people can come and come have a, like a session, as it were, with me. So, or not one-on-one, but like in a group or like a meet and greet or something like that. Because it'd be an opportunity.

Because I've never been to America, but most of the people that listen to my sessions or watch my videos are from America. So I think it would be nice to maybe try and, yeah, so Christy, you'd be there. Cool.

Welcome. Welcome. I'd be really good.

The thing is, because I'm in England, pretty much wherever I held something here, wherever you were in England, you could get to it because it's such a tiny country. In comparison to America, you don't need planes to get to the other side of this country. Just a train, a few hours and you're there.

I think six hours is the longest train journey, pretty much, that you're going to take to get to like Scotland or something from here. But if I went to America, let's say, for example, Boston or Texas or I don't know wherever it was, you might have to travel long distances. But yeah, you're welcome to come visit, or not welcome, but come visit England and we can have a coffee or cup of tea.

I don't know how loud that tea drinking is with a microphone this close to me. So that is something I've been thinking about. I do wonder what the future for this stuff that I do is.

My noise was, it's Andre's. I think he's snoring. Sometimes he's asleep and he makes these really strange noises, like whining noises.

I think he's dreaming about stuff. I don't wonder what it is though. I was really sad that Big Brother was cancelled over there.

It was my favourite thing to watch. Yeah, did you watch it? Did you watch it, this series? It got cancelled on Channel 5, so they did the last one. It ended about two weeks ago, I think.

But who knows, there might be another one sometime. I remember the first Big Brother I watched, and that's back in 2000. I think it started in 2000.

And I was always busy on a Friday night, so I never got to see the evictions for the first two years. So I, in 2000, in 2001, I didn't see the evictions, but I used to watch it throughout the week. Back then, we didn't have playback television, catch-up television, internet, television, that kind of stuff.

So there was no way of watching it. Unless they did show the repeats, they might show the repeat on a Sunday or Saturday. So I'm not 100%, I might have seen it, but not live, anyway.

And probably my favourite ever series was the first one, because it was so new, and it was, going and thinking about it now, it was so controversial, but it wasn't. There was all this controversy about what was going on, yet now it seems silly, because it was silliness. It wasn't important at all.

It was just a television show. But it was so popular in my country at the time. And I think it'd be quite cool if they made available all the seasons of Big Brother, every episode of every season, from the start, for every country that does it, just so we could, you know, just watch them.

If we wanted to go back and re-watch a whole series, which I might do, because I missed two series. So I had a couple of years where I didn't have a television. Well, one year I didn't have a television, and the second year, yeah, it was 2011.

In 2011, I didn't have a television. Oh, they're all on YouTube. Okay.

So, in 2012, I didn't watch it either, which I don't really understand why not. But those were the, 2011 was the first year that it went on to Channel 5, after being on Channel 4, for, what, 11 years, I suppose it would have been at that point, 2000 to 2010, including 2010, so that'd be 11 years. But up to that point, I watched it every single year.

And after 2001, I watched all the evictions as well, because I was no longer doing what I used to do on a Friday night. But yeah, that was quite cool. I do, I try to feel what other shows, I don't really, the Jungle one, you know, Get Me Out of Here, I'm in a Jungle thing that's on telly, that's starting next Sunday or something like that.

But yeah, so Emma Willis, yeah, Emma Willis, I didn't really know who she was until I watched it, until she sort of hosts Big Brother, or did host Big Brother, for the last, what, three years, four years? Maybe longer. Two, 11, 12, 13, 14, maybe six years even, Emma Willis might have, because I think, was it 2011? She didn't host it. 2012, she didn't host it, but she might have hosted it in 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, so yeah, maybe six years.

I was quite surprised that I knew, as Christie said, she's very beautiful, and yeah, she used to be a model before she became a television presenter. She's married to a former pop star who's in a band called Something, no, not something, that wasn't the name of them, but I forget, I forget what the name of the band, it wasn't Blue, it was Five, I think it was Five, that was the name of the band, and they're very big in the UK of England. Oh, look, insurance companies.

So, that's what I used to do when I was working. From 2001, September, I had a job in this, it was phoning people up in a call centre, so I wasn't phoning people that were in a call centre, I was in a call centre phoning people at home, or wherever they were, trying to sell them telephone, mobile telephone contracts, or if you're in America, cell phone contracts. So, what the job, my job was to offer them a free phone if they took a contract for a year-long or two-year contract, something like that, a tariff of some kind, and I did that for a few months.

I was quite good at it, but it was quite an unusual job, as it was quite an unusual job, but I did it for a while, and then I got a job in insurance, doing kind of the same thing, but this time, I wasn't phoning people, they were phoning me. I was taking inbound calls, and I worked for Churchill Insurance, which is a big insurance company in England, and so I did really well there, kind of, I was successful, as it were, so I'm just reading the book as I talk. Household insurance.

See, this is the local classified, but the insurance companies are all national, they're not insurance companies local at all, and the reason I know that is because there are hardly any insurance companies at all in my area where I live.

In fact, I think I've found only one, two, yeah, two that are actually listed, and one is insurance for carriages, it's a carriage house insurance, Spring Farm, Higham Road, and that's Colchester, and another one is Glover and Howe, or Hoe, Who, Howe, insurance services, but other than that, there are a couple of insurance companies, but they're not listed for some reason, but then even local insurance companies are, like the call centres, they may be based in my town or near where I live, but they're national, in fact, one of them's international, it's called, what's it

called, it's a name that I should remember, I forget, but there's the insurance company I worked for in this, the last insurance company I worked for actually closed down, there is another insurance company somewhere, oh, it's a locksmith, you know what, years ago, I've never really been much of a, like, manly man, I'm quite a, I don't know whatever manly man is, but I don't really get excited by football or cars or car engines or sports really, necessarily, but I remember I went into a hardware store with my dad in, I think it was about

2000 and, yeah, about 2004, maybe 2006, and I remember walking through the drill section, because he was looking at the doors, he was looking at buying a new door or something like that, and I couldn't really, couldn't build up any interest in that, so I went for, I'd go for a little walk, and I came across the drill section and all these power tools, and I had this sudden surge within me, and I think it stimulated my Neanderthal part, you know, my caveman part, where I just, I didn't start growling or anything, I didn't start,

like, grunting and, you know, banging my chest or anything like that, but I really, there was a tiny little part of me just thought, oh, manly stuff, and then it went away, but that was the closest thing I ever came to really being, like, really manly power tools.

So, Leticia Cervantes is here watching, or she was watching, maybe she's gone, but if you're still here, hello, Letty, another person that I've spoken to before a few times in the past, and I remember when I was at school, and the other kids would kind of, not mock me, but kind of maybe thought that I wasn't very boy-like in a sense of, I didn't, I didn't play football, we were forced to play football at school, we were forced to play at school, we were forced to go out and put on the football costume and go

outside and, you know, run around the field a few times, and then people would pick, you know, there'd be, like, two captains for each side, and then they'd start picking people for their team, and inevitably it was just, I was last being picked, and I didn't even bother playing, I'd just, I'd just go up to the post, the goal post, and I'd just turn around, like Wonder Woman, turn around until I got so dizzy and I just fell over.

That used to be what I did, my friend Dean used to do that with me as well, and so football wasn't really that good.

Cricket, I gave cricket a go in junior school, and again I put the cricket costume on, and I had the pads and everything, and I was only little as well, and the knee pads looked like shields, like I was holding up a big shield that covered my whole body, but somehow, so I was, I was with the bat, the bat was as tall as I was, but I managed to do it, the person who was chucking the ball managed to hit me in the knee, so that was the end of that, I didn't want to

do that anymore, plus I wasn't allowed to touch a cricket bat either, because I think I chased the kid who chucked the ball at me, but I think, anyway, and then high school, I tried hockey, well I didn't sort of choose to do it, but we were told we had to do it, and there was something about equality, boys and girls doing similar things, I think the girls were allowed to play football, and this was quite new back then, because we're talking early 80s, and it wasn't, it was quite a novel idea back then, the

idea of not, men and girls, boys and girls, you know, not sticking to their roles or whatever, so Christie, as Christie said, she didn't want, she didn't want her boys playing sports, because it became so aggressive, yeah, I mean, there was aggression, I remember, in hockey, so I had this, my first time at hockey, and somebody hit me in the shins with the hockey stick, and I chased them with the hockey stick, and well, I was banned, I was banned from playing hockey, so for the rest of the school, and I wasn't, so whenever they

played hockey, everyone else would put the hockey costume on, and I'd have to, like, run around the field, or sometimes I'd pretend to run around the field, but I'd find a bush, and I'd just twirl around, and I got dizzy, but yeah, so I did that, whatever sports was there, there was the high jump, and I tried to explain to my teacher, what's the point in competing in the high jump, when I'm four foot tall, and I'm competing against people that were twice my size, there's no point competing against someone that's, it's just silly, and

the teacher said, oh, go on, I said, yeah, but I don't know, it just doesn't feel right, I'm, okay, I'm not really four foot, but I'm not very tall, and I'm competing against someone that's, you know, over six foot sometimes, they could actually step over me, and they said, oh, go on now, give it a try, so I gave it a try, and I couldn't do it, because it's just, you know, I didn't see the point either, I didn't see how that was going to help me in my future life, being able to jump over

a little metal bar, onto some sand, and then there was the long jump, I had the idea when I was young, that if I ran fast enough, and I straightened my body out, I could somehow kind of fly through the air, and grab more distance, and also if I could, or another way, if I could jump up, and then continue to jump, keep jumping while I was in the air, I could somehow get some kind of extra, extra distance, but it didn't work, so I didn't, didn't do that anymore, what other sports were there at

school, basketball, so, oh, a game, basketball really favours taller people, you know, because once someone's got a ball, and they're just holding it up, and if you put your hand up, and you're only reaching their belly button, there's no way you're going to get the ball out of their hand, which is way above their head, unless you tickle them in the belly button, and they drop it, but I never tried that, one of the sports was tennis, tennis is something that no one would play with me, I think everyone kind of got to the point

where they thought, they kind of gave up on me with sports, apart from my friend Dean, who used to spin around, and fall, fall on the ground dizzy, and, so Christy, you played basketball, but, I liked the hoops, I liked playing it on my own, where I could just practice getting it into the hole, or into the net, or whatever, that's fun, that I really enjoyed, and it's like with football, I'm happy to, kick balls from a penalty spot, into an open goal all day long, that's fun, but once you stick a goalie in there,

you know, obstructions, I'm not a big fan of obstructions, you know, I'm not a big, you know, it's like sticking an elephant in the kitchen, in front of the cooker, like, it's hard to cook food, when you've got an elephant there, it's not really the same, but, for me, obstructions, I like things to be clear and smooth, tennis with my friend Dean, I don't, I mean, bearing in mind, I just sort of said that I wasn't particularly good at other sports, I was better at tennis than he was, or better at getting the ball onto

the roof, I suppose, we used to have competitions, and I could get onto the roof quicker than him, but we played tennis, and actually, I found someone around the same level as me, but he wasn't as good as me, and I wasn't very good either, and then I got a taste of what it must have been, like, felt like a little bit for the other kids, to want to play something, and do it well, but then be kind of held back, and not be able to, by someone that wasn't trying, perhaps, or they felt wasn't

trying, and then I took up karate, and I was really good at it, it's the first sport that I attempted, that I excelled at, and I couldn't believe it, I was thinking, oh, I'm not, I'm just this, you know, why am I no good at sports, and then I found that actually, kicking, punching, blocking, all that stuff, I was good at, and I loved it, absolutely loved it, and that was my passion for the last couple of years of school, but I still didn't have the things, I couldn't see the point in the other sports,

it's like, it's just, didn't seem any point in it, kicking a ball, or hitting a ball over a net, it just didn't, I couldn't, just even playing it didn't seem like much fun, but I think maybe part of the reason is because I had two older brothers, and I like to blame them, I had two older brothers, and which meant I was never, I was always like third best at everything, because they were older, they were bigger, stronger, more, both, well, one of them was very athletic, but when it came to playing table tennis, or

any kinds of games, they always beat me, they never let me win anything, snooker, pool, anything like that, so I think maybe I just didn't have the confidence to sort of give it a go maybe, but when it came to karate, they hadn't done any of that stuff, so I didn't, there was no competition, I was suddenly able to do something that they weren't able to do, which they could have learned, but they didn't need to be doing other things, so that felt quite nice, I kind of had my own thing, I suppose like I

do with the online stuff that I do, it's my own thing, and no one else does this, not like me anyway, we all do different, there's other people who do these kinds of things, but we do it, I do it differently, and so I got into the martial arts, not to, it wasn't about learning to fight, it was about learning, it was about fun, having fun, and absolutely loved it, and I went on and did quite a few different martial arts over the years, Wing Chun, I even did a bit of praying mantis Kung Fu,

only a little bit though, but I did some boxing, what else did I do, Taekwondo I did, but I had to stop because my lower back, this is about three years ago, my lower back has been causing me problems for, since for about 20 years, it's gradually, it's just wear and tear really, because in my 20s I had very, very hard physical jobs, like loading lorries, and full of like heavy things, and I, you know, I thought I just maybe didn't look after my back how I could have done perhaps, and also with the various

martial arts and the kicking and stuff, maybe I just worn it out, but, so I've got a karate club across the road from where I live, and I went there about last year, I just couldn't, and I just, it's just too much, couldn't do it, I can't, it's a shame, it's one of those things that I love the martial arts, and I'm not saying I was ever any good, but I loved it, I think that's the, that was my passion for quite a while, I never really had any passions of my life, I used to

be passionate about stand-up comedy, I did that for 91 to 90 to 98, so that was one thing that I was passionate about, Christy says, have you watched the Bohemian Rhapsody film, it was amazing, I've not watched it, I'm going to watch it when it comes out on the internet, it's, if I had, it's, you know what, it's, don't judge me for this, don't judge me, please don't judge me, I've got a, it's not that I'm old-fashioned, but I've just got a few things that are important to me, and one of the things that are

important to me is, if I go to the cinema, I like to go with my girlfriend or my partner at that time, you know, but to go into a cinema, I have gone on my own, but I haven't gone on my own for a long time, but there's something special about going to the cinema for me, it's, maybe it's just the way that I was brought up, I don't, I don't know quite what it is, and also I'm, I'm 48, so I'm not, not like a, I suppose I've been around a while, but, so I

would have gone to see it if I had, you know, if I was in a relationship with somebody, I probably would have gone to see that film, but as it is, I wouldn't want to go and see that kind of film on my own, although I will, I do like to watch the superhero films, so, yeah, I haven't, haven't been to the cinema in ages and ages and ages, years, in fact, I'm trying to remember the last time I went, it was a superhero film, but I don't remember which one, it might have been like

an Avengers or Thor or something like that, so it's going back quite a while, quite a couple of years, probably over three years, I don't think I've been to the cinema since I moved into my flat, and I've lived here for, what, it'd be four years in April, next April, so I don't get out that often, to be fair, but I will watch it when it comes on to, because I get Now TV, which in England, it's, it's the Sky Movie Channel, basically, so you get a thousand movies, and whenever a new movie comes out

on DVD, generally, not shortly after that, it'll come out on the, the Now TV, so on Sky, so I'll watch it then, which glasses am I wearing?

These are my normal glasses, that's why I can't read anything, oh, so these glasses, I can actually read the writing with these glasses, but I can't read them when I'm wearing my normal glasses, which is the normal glasses I read for, what I wear for distance, but everything's a lot clearer when I've got these reading glasses on, and that wasn't the most exciting thing that I said all day, but it wasn't the most boring either, so there, paint spraying, you know, I sometimes think about getting an office, I could get an office somewhere cheap, and

then work out of there as a therapist, but also maybe have that office 24 hours a day for me, just for me, and then I could make videos in there, make audios, and have it as a business, you know, and then see clients, but it costs an absolute fortune, costs a lot of money, so I'll make do with reading out of the telephone directory instead, our legally trained advisors will tell you within minutes if you could make a claim, can you imagine in 20, 30, 40, 50 years time, this paper telephone directory, will probably be

really mouldy, won't it, it'll be extinct, I mean, it'll just, there won't be, can you imagine, so I love books, just the idea that, you know, everything's, everything's online now, and you can get a hold of rare books, read them, you know, mp3, or not mp3, pdf, or whatever text format that they might come in, there's something nice about actually holding a book, about smelling the print on the page, for me, I quite like that, you see, my favourite thing, when I lived in London, my favourite thing of all was to go up to the

West End, and just spend the afternoon looking around the bookshops, and then maybe buying a couple of books, getting a takeaway, or just having something to eat somewhere, and then coming home, and you know, just that journey home, on the Tube, on the Central Line, with my carrier bag, with my two books, or one book, or three books, depending on what I got, and that kind of excitement to read the books when I got home, and to add the books to my library, used to be quite, I used to love it, that's something I miss

about living in London, is you've got everything you need there, kind of in a sense of entertainment, except a beach, yeah, no sea in London, but you've got the Thames, you've got places where there's water, and you've got parks, where there's rivers, and it's, you know, there is water around, and basically, in England, you're never far from some water, because, well, most houses have got taps, but that's not really what I meant, it's, you know, it's a very small place, it's, you're never far from a river, or a stream, or a lake, or a beach,

you know, not that far away from anything, there's always countryside not far away, you know, it's not, it's a very, very small country, compared to a lot of other countries, probably one of the smallest countries in the world, but I don't know any different, because I've been here all my life, I've only, where have I visited?

So I've been to Ireland, and that's a smaller country than this one, I've been to Spain, I went to Malaga, so I went to Spain for the afternoon once, back in 1989, and I got a, yeah, I got a plane there, and then I came back the same day, I was going there to live, and work, but I didn't take enough money with me, so I came back, I only really had enough money to pay for the taxi driver, and also for a Mars bar, and a can of Coke, and the return journey home on

the plane, so yeah, that was a kind of strange day, so I went to Spain then, so I've been to France, I travelled through France in 19, again I think that was 1989, or was it 1988 that I went to Spain?

It might be 1988, but 1989 is when I went to France, and I travelled all the way through France, from Calais, all the way to the Alps, south of France, and all that way, just hitchhiked, and got trains, and buses, and you know, just made our way up there, I went to Paris, and I think we went to Paris, we had a pizza, had a, probably wasn't a pizza hut, but it was a restaurant, but we had a pizza, and then came back, so I've been there, where else have I been?

I've been to the Island Man, which technically is not another country, but it's across the sea, so it's another island, it's a big island there, so I've been there, got a family that lived there, that was in 2004, and I went there with my dad, and my step-mom, and my nan, so yeah, we went there for about three days I think, on the way there we went to Blackpool, because we were going to Liverpool to the ferry, the boat, the ship, and it was like the windiest day ever in Blackpool, and then in 2002 I

travelled to Bulgaria for about a week, and that was to go snowboarding, so yeah, that was, that was kind of one of my worst and best holidays I've been on, it's kind of a mixture, but it was quite a, very, very much an experience, I don't think I've been anywhere else, no, I've been to Wales, and I might have been to Scotland, I can't remember, but that would have been when I was a kid, I moved around a lot when I was younger, I actually lived in 40 different places, 40 different homes since I left

school, over 40 different places, not different parts of the country, but just, you know, around the, mainly the south, south of the country, London, and I lived in Bognor Regis for a while, the tapestry that is my life, what other boring stuff can I talk about, I shaved my head today, I thought maybe, I thought, you know, the temperature, the weather's getting colder, it's much, you know, I know what I'll do, I'll take a, I'll get rid of all my natural thermal insulation, so I shaved my head and my beard, I did this once on,

I think it was two days before Christmas, and it was snowing outside, it was about 2008, about 2008, and we had like one of the wintriest winters, like snowiest for many years, for some reason I decided to shave my head, and it was so cold, I really shouldn't have done that, but it's okay, I'll wear a hat, that's what I'll do, and the good thing about shaving my head is within a week it'll start to grow out, it's a bit like one of those, what are those dolls that you used to be able to get,

and you could squeeze their head, and the hair would just put, just squirt out of the top of the head, my head's a little bit like that, the hair just grows, I've got very quick growing hair, you know, if you come back, if I just didn't make a video for two weeks and I came back, I'll have a beard and a hair, not, it won't be like massive, but it definitely won't be as short as it is now, they wouldn't be shorter would it, I suppose, so this is, this is it really, I suppose I

should say goodbye, done a little recording, live, let me bore you to sleep, and I think listening to this when it's not live is probably maybe more advantageous in a sense of you falling asleep, just really easily to my voice talking, and at the same time if you are awake when I'm making it, I can be a little bit of company maybe, or not, depending on your particular situation, and that's it, I'm gonna go, thank you for those of you that have watched and listened and been part of yet another historic hour of talking about

stuff, and you're welcome to contact me, privately message or anything if you want, but I'm gonna go now, thank you for watching, thank you for listening, and those of you, which will be a much more, more of you that will be watching this after the event, whether on Facebook, on YouTube, on my website, those of you that are listening on SoundCloud, on Speaker, Spotify, iHeartRadio, on my website, Facebook, Twitter, wherever you're listening to this, thank you for listening, and please share this with, just if there's someone that has annoyed you, you could just share this

with them, so they say, oh you should listen to this, it's really interesting, this bloke's really, really interested, it's gonna blow your mind with interest, and then they'll put it on, and they'll just be me talking about a phone book, and they won't know what to make of it, that'll be your revenge, so I'm gonna go, thank you for listening, watching, and being wonderful, bye.