#64 Let me bore you to sleep - Jason Newland (15th December 2018)

Hello, welcome to jasonnewland.com with Andre, the most beautiful little ferret and the most wonderful son in the whole world. He's giving me kisses, he's giving me kisses. And this is letting me bore you to sleep, number 64, I think.

So the idea behind this, apart from letting you enjoy my squeaky chair, which I will hopefully, yeah, what I'll do is I will edit the video before I upload it so that the squeaky, the beginning and the end of the squeakiness, it's gone, if that makes sense. I can't believe he's just lying there, sleeping. I love it when he does that, he doesn't do it very often, but it's nice, nice for me.

I think it's nice for people watching as well because he's got a bit of a little fan base and he's so beautiful and some of you that have been watching my videos, you know, for the last however many years, you've seen him grow up, you've seen him go from a little baby to a little boy to like an adolescent and now he's fully grown. There was a time when he was absolutely tiny, could fit in my hand and I could get my fingers around his neck like that and, you know, without obviously hurting him, but just that's how little he was.

So the reason I'm doing this particular session is because it's a request from a lady from Germany called Sebastian and she asked me if I would do a let me boy to sleep, but talking about Christmases, previous Christmases that I have experienced.

So I thought, why not? Why not do that? So before we continue, please only listen to this or watch this video when you can safely close your eyes because hopefully, all being well, you will find it incredibly boring. That's the main objective of this, is for you to be bored. So where do I start? Christmas, Christmas, Christmas.

My first memory of Christmas really was probably when I was about seven, eight, not eight, nine, maybe 10, maybe 11, kind of. That's probably about the age, can't really remember how much Christmas is before that. But there was a period of time where I lived with my three brothers and parents, dad and stepmom.

And, you know, Christmases were pretty much the same. They were lovely, but they were kind of, in a sense, they'd kind of mixed together. They'd sort of mingle together into one because they're very, you know, just the decoration and Christmassy stuff and, you know, kind of, you know, kind of mixed together.

I hope that makes sense. Not in a bad way, just in a memory way. But I think one of the things that I remember, I remember some of the presents that I got for Christmas was I got a telescope one year and it was a Tasco, I think it was Tasco telescope.

And it was white with, but the ends were black. So the, it had, so it had a cap on the end, which you needed to take off in order to see anything, I discovered after about two weeks of trying to use it. It's not working, dad.

It's not working. I can't see anything. I'm looking at the sky and it's just black.

And he'd say, that's because it's nighttime, son. I said, no, but I want to look at the moon. And he said, well, look out the window.

The moon's there. I said, yeah, but I want to look at the moon through the telescope. And he said, well, look through the telescope then.

I said, but I can't see the moon. He said, well, if you direct it out of the window, look out the window, you might be able to see it. I said, yeah, but even when I do that, it doesn't, nothing.

And eventually we discovered that the cap was on, you know, the black caps that was protecting, I guess, the other end of the telescope. And I had a bunch of lenses, different lenses. One was you look straight through it, you look through all of them.

But one was where you looked down and, because with telescopes, it's kind of like a mirror. It's not quite, it is a mirror inside. So I think things, if I remember rightly, things were upside down, I think.

But it's been a while. It's a long time ago. And so I had this telescope.

I discovered a few things. I also had a sun filter so I could look at the sun through this filter thing, which was quite cool. And again, you need to take the cap off the end for that to work as well, you know.

What I noticed is I used to focus the telescope on the moon. And just in the time it took me to get out of my clothes and into my pajamas, the moon had moved, or the telescope had moved, one of them. Or both at the same time.

But I put it down to the moon because, you know, I was studying astronomy. Well, astrology to start with, then I got corrected. And so it's a different thing.

I said, but it's got stars. Yeah, it has, Jason. They patted me on the head and sent me to bed.

But eventually I started reading astronomy books. And it's one of those situations, and I've done this a few times in my life, where I was reading books and I had no idea what I was reading, apart from books that I was bought, that were bought for me for Christmas. I used to rent, you know, get books out of the library and I'd read them.

They had lovely pictures and they smelled nice. And I'd be sitting there and I'd spend hours reading them. And I didn't know what I was reading.

I didn't understand, really, hardly any of it. But there was something about wanting to learn things that were... I never found it very interesting to learn something that was easy. I just thought it was more of a challenge to try and learn something that was, you know, fairly complicated and fairly, perhaps, specialised.

So I did learn a bit along the way, but I still couldn't tell you now, you know, much about it because I stopped reading those books a long time ago. What was strange is I actually lost a little bit of interest. In astronomy.

But because my dad had bought me that telescope and it was a really good telescope and every birthday and Christmas for a few years I'd get stuff about astronomy and I just... I didn't have the heart to say that I wasn't really interested in it anymore. But I lost for a while. I preferred watching Doctor Who.

I do remember that once. I remember being called downstairs saying, Jason, Jason. I think I'd have heard if they'd have, like, shouted a bit louder, but Jason.

And I said, yes, it is I. What do you wish to contact me for? They said, Doctor Who's starting. And I thought, oh, so I used to go downstairs and watch Doctor Who. And I'd forget all about space and stuff like that while I was watching a programme that was based on space travel.

Oh, I've got an itchy neck. So that was one of the presents I got. It was a really, really cool present.

What other presents did I get for Christmas? When I was a child, I'm just trying to think. I remember I got a present from my step-mum and there was a card on the front of it saying, thank you for looking after your little brother, you know, for the last six months because she'd started working part-time, which meant I was coming home from school and looking after him until she got home from work. So I was looking after him for a couple of hours every night and all the way through holidays as well, all day during the holidays.

So I opened it up and it was a calculator. You heard right, a calculator. I can't imagine any situation where a calculator would be a present.

That's right, you heard right, a calculator. That was the thanking gift for... No, you did hear right, it was a calculator. So yeah, that was... Yeah, I should move on from that, really, shouldn't I? I should let it go, but... Yeah, I should stop moving around in this chair because it's squeaky and I know it can be a little bit alarming.

Not alarming, but, you know, it must be a way of de-squeaking this thing. Is that DH42 or there's some kind of spray that you can get that can de-squeak things? I might look, possibly, possibly... My dad told me this years ago. Polish, you know, like table polish, spray polish that you can use for dusting and stuff.

If you spray that on the hinges of doors or door hinges, the hinges that are connected, the doors to the door frame, it de-squeaks them. And it also doesn't leave a mess like oil does, doesn't leave oil stains and stuff like that. So maybe if I put the chair upside down and sprayed... Because I've got some spray somewhere, I think it's in the cupboard in the bathroom.

So I could maybe do that and spray that on here because I made a video last week or the week before and somebody sort of said that they listened to it and then right at the end, I guess I must have sat up to turn the video off or the audio off and it was a big loud squeak. So I edited it, I edited the audio to take that out, but I hadn't done it beforehand. And I suppose I forget because I'm not asleep when I'm doing these, because it'd be quite difficult to do it and be asleep.

I think that maybe I sometimes forget why or what I'm doing it for or who I'm doing it for. I just get maybe caught up in the moment and just talk about stuff. You know, but because this particular let me bore you to sleep was requested from Mrs. Sebastian in Germany.

She's an elderly lady, about in her early 90s. And she was, apparently she's the first, I think she was an Olympic gymnast when she was younger, but lost a gold medal when they found out she was a man. I think something like that happened.

Anyway, I, what other Christmases I've had I remember we used to have a lot of Christmas decorations. They really, my dad has always been, he's always loved Christmas. And even now, you know, he's always gone all out with Christmas decorations and Christmas dinners and stuff like that.

He's very Christmassy. And my first stepmom was as well. And so is my second stepmom.

But I haven't really carried on that tradition myself because I've always lived on my own, pretty much since the age of 16. There's been times when I've stayed with my dad a couple of times in my earlier years for short periods of time, but I've basically spent, I've lived on my own in shared houses, in a room, you know, and I've never really bothered with the whole decorating part of things. Although I think I did once decorate my room.

Once, but I can't remember when it was. It might be when I had a flat, because I had a flat when I was working at a chip shop when I first left school. So I left school in 1986.

And the, I left school at April, in April, because that was the legal time that I could stop. But I had to go back to school in, I think, May, June time to take my exams. And I got myself a job.

So I was 15. So I didn't turn 16 until the end of August. So I was 15 years old.

And I got myself a job working in a chip shop. And the, after living there, I think it was, I ended up living, you know, I lived with my dad and his second wife. And then I ended up living with his second wife, or my stepmom, and her mother, and my little brother, in my step grandmother's flat.

But I was sleeping in the living room on a like makeshift bed thing, like one of those fold up beds, metal things. So I was, it wasn't, I suppose, technically, I was homeless. But, you know, probably at the time, I didn't really see it like that, because I was with family, but I didn't have my own room.

And my little brother was sleeping in bed with my stepmom. He was only little. So they, they didn't, he didn't even have his own room.

So it's, it wasn't ideal. But in the end, they moved away. So in the, I think it was April time, it was around Easter 1987, I moved into a flat above the shop, above the chip shop.

And so that was my first home of mine. But it wasn't really mine, in a sense, if you, if you know what I mean, it was, I wasn't, the front door wasn't just mine. So it was used by the staff, they could go upstairs.

It was a storage room up there, because my boss and his wife and children used to live upstairs. And then they bought a house. And then they agreed for me to move up there because I was going to, I didn't have anywhere to live.

So I moved up there. But they had a storage room, so I had to always have access to get in and out. And so I had a living room, I had a bedroom, a kitchen and a bathroom.

But then I had to also share the bathroom with customers, if anybody wanted to use a toilet, because that's when the rules came in where if you served food, like a restaurant, which they did have, you have to provide a bathroom, a toilet for people, which is, so it kind of didn't really feel like my own home, because there was always strangers might come in and, but I think, I think, I think, I think that I did some decoration. The first year I was there, put some decorations up. But I might not have done.

I can't remember. I have very vague memories of my time there. I remember, I remember going in, because you'd go out the back door of the chip shop.

And the front door to my front door is directly to the left. And then there's stairs. And it's usually perhaps be some things connected.

I think the yeah, I think there was a coat hanger where staff would put their coats and things like that. Maybe I've kind of vaguely remember, but there's be stairs and go up the stairs and turn right would be go straight ahead, that would be the bathroom with a bath. And turn right would be the kitchen.

And then turn left. And there was like a banister, like stairs banister went round. So the bedroom was on, if you turn left, the bedroom was just on the right.

And the living room was just straight ahead. But on the left hand side, that was where the storage room was. So I never had, I think they had an office up there.

So I never went, didn't go in there, because it was locked. But I had no reason to go in there. So I had the living room and didn't really have much in the way of furniture.

And I had a bed. I had a wardrobe, set of drawers, just basically stuff from my childhood bedroom, which had been put in storage. So I just had that in my flat.

And I think my friends, one of my friends, Neil, his parents gave me quite a few bits. Like kitchen things, like cutlery, maybe saucepans. And my nan gave me a few bits as well for the kitchen.

I think she gave me an ironing board. And I said to her, but what am I supposed to do with that? She said, well, you iron things. Iron what? The shirts.

I said, I work in a chip shop. She said, you still got to wear clothes. I said, yeah, but it's just at that time everything smelled of fish.

It was quite hard to get away from the smell of fish or chips or both. But for a while, I actually, I know this isn't really Christmas related, but I had a friend who worked there. He was there part-time, but he was one of these really fashionable people, super fashionable.

He was still at school, I think, but like near the end of his school year, in the end of his period of school. So he took me to town, to a different town and took me shopping because I didn't have the first idea about fashion or where to buy decent clothes. And he took me shopping.

It was a really nice thing actually that he did. And he introduced me to a couple of the shops that he went to and they were really, really nice. So I did, I bought some really nice shoes and some, a few, just a few bits of nice clothing so that I could go out or have some clothes when I went out.

So that was quite good. But that was when I was earning some money. But then in September, I went onto this youth training scheme.

You can Google it if you want. It's the YTS, they called it. And it was a tiny, tiny bit of money.

It was like a, kind of like an apprenticeship. So if I'd have been doing a trade, like maybe learning to be a bricklayer or a builder or a welder or electrician, something like that, then it would have been worth the sacrifice of earning a small amount of money because at the end of the training, I would have been earning good money. But that, you know, working in a chip shop, unless I was going to own the chip shop, there was never really going to be any money in it for me, which is okay.

I didn't really bother at the time, didn't worry me. So Christmas, once I left home, or left home, once I didn't have a home and I was living on my own, I didn't really celebrate Christmas really again. I've not really ever celebrated it, not really.

I have been with people at Christmas. So I've spent Christmas with my dad and his, you know, my step-mom a few times, quite a few times over the years. But I've also spent a lot of times where I've been just, you know, on my own at Christmas, which I'm used to, which doesn't bother me at all because it's, I just, I like the, I might have mentioned this before, but I like Christmas morning and going out and seeing nobody, especially when I lived in London and, you know, it was always busy.

But Christmas, not a sound. It was lovely. It was just, just standing there in the road.

And again, I don't advise standing in the road to anyone, but it was, there was nothing, no traffic. Everyone was at home, I guess, eating their Christmas pudding or whatever people do. And I do remember once I was about 13, maybe 12, and I wanted a bike for Christmas because I did a paper round.

I did probably a couple of paper rounds and, or paper route, you might call it where you are. And it was a long, a long journey walking. Because the paper round that I did was the morning, I did a morning one and an evening one.

And I also did, yeah, I did a couple of, yeah, I did a couple of leaflet rounds as well where I did them either every two weeks or once a month. So that was quite a, but that was like 30, 40, 50,000. So it was a lot of them.

But with the daily ones, early morning and evening, it was Monday to Saturday. Didn't do Sunday rounds because those newspapers were full of magazines. I did my brother's Sunday round once and my shoulder took ages to recover.

It was just way too heavy, way too heavy. So having a bike was something that I really needed. And I was in the bike shop looking at the bikes.

Well, I guess that last bit wasn't really necessary for that sentence, but I could have been looking at a bicycle pumps or looking at oil in case I ever get a squeaky chair in the future. So I was looking at these bikes and I thought what I'd like really is a racer because then I could get things done a lot quicker. And I used to dream about it.

I used to sit, be in bed, laying down and I'd dream about having a racer and having a bike that I could do my paper round and not be walking around in the rain for two hours. And so I wouldn't have to get up so early in the morning. It was nice.

And I dream about it. So I thought I'd just start looking at some of the bikes. And I saw a bike with a label on it and it had my name on it.

Can you believe? Actually had my name and my address with probably sold next to it. It wasn't outside the shop, it was inside the shop. And I think my brother's also had bikes as well, I'm guessing.

And you know, even though I saw my name and my address, I still didn't believe that I was going to get a bike. That's a bit strange, isn't it? You'd think that would be bit of evidence there, bit of evidence. So even though I'd seen it and I kind of knew, I looked forward to Christmas that morning, that Christmas, probably more than any other Christmas ever before or since.

Because on one level, I knew what I was getting. But on another level, I was hoping I was going to get what I knew I was getting. Because I was unsure.

I didn't believe it till I saw it. There's probably a psychological explanation for that. But of course, I came down and, you know, just to give an example of how great my dad and my stepmom were when it came to Christmas.

They'd actually wrapped the presents. I mean, the bikes, they'd wrapped the bikes in Christmas wrapping paper. Admittedly, they were shaped like bikes, so it was a bit of a giveaway.

But it was the, you know, my favourite present I ever got was that bike. Because it was something I really, really wanted. And it wasn't, I'm not saying that I've never wanted stuff just for the sake of it.

But I like something that's useful. And because it was going to help me to get around, it was going to help me to get to school quicker, and help me to get my job done, you know, the paper round. And my friend had a bike as well, so we could both ride around on our bikes.

And my best friend was called Dean. And we used to spend a lot of time together outside of school, weekends, evenings, you know, during the summer. And we'd walk to school together and stuff like that.

And he's pretty much the best friend I ever had in my life, actually. It's strange, you know, I haven't had contact with him for, we kind of stopped having contact when I left school. We just kind of went our separate ways.

He was much more in tune with what he wanted to do with his life. He wanted to be a chef, and he became a chef. He trained and he did it.

I didn't have the first idea what I wanted to do. The only thing I knew what I didn't want to do is work in a chip shop. But I did that for two years.

So Christmases since, I remember once there was, I went to my nan's for Christmas. And I was living in London at the time. So this must have been maybe 92, something like that.

Or 91 even, it might be 91. I'm not sure if I stayed at my nan's or stayed at my dad's. But we had the Christmas.

And either it was Christmas Day or Boxing Day. But I was there, my dad was there. I think even my aunt was there.

There's quite a few of us all in one room, in the living room, watching television. And the film on television was Shirley Valentine. And this is totally true what happened.

So my nan's there as well. And we probably got chocolates, a big tin of chocolates, you know, Quality Street or something like that. Everyone's, you know, sort of in a good mood and feeling good.

And my nan's happy to be around her kids. And, you know, so we're watching Shirley Valentine. And there's a bit, a part of the film where Shirley Valentine, I don't know the term, I don't know what the exact sentence was.

But she said something about, saying about her boyfriend, he doesn't even know where my clitoris is. And my nan said really loudly, what's a clitoris? And I had to leave the room. In fact, I think I went outside.

I was laughing so much. It's because it was just so, to have my nan come out with something like that. And there was that like confusion thinking, well, my nan must have known something, you know, a lot about that stuff.

She had five children. She must have had some kind of knowledge. But it's just, it was one of the funniest things in my memory of her.

Just, just very funny. But again, she was, she used to like to decorate her house. And her house always felt like my house because I had lived there for a year before she moved in.

And I'd been visiting regularly all my life until she moved out probably, I don't know, 10 years ago. And then she went into sheltered accommodation for the remainder of her time. So that house has always felt like my home as well.

And even the smell of the house, I could still kind of sense that, that comfort, that safety. And it's really kind of strange because when I slept over, I would sleep in the little room. And she just had a single bed.

But it was, it was a room at the front of the house and her bedroom was also at the front of the house, but it's right next to the little room. And I used to sleep in that little room when I first moved into that house. So maybe that's part of the reason, but there's something about, I get the best night's sleep.

It's probably the safest I felt is just being in the same, being close to my nan, being in the same house. I just felt, I guess it's an emotional safety, that feeling where you can just, you feel protected, even though it doesn't have to be anything from outside. It all comes from within, isn't it? It's all a feeling, a feeling that we produce ourselves.

I don't know if you can hear that wind, very windy outside today. It hasn't been very windy inside, but if I can drink enough Coke, I can sort that out. I haven't eaten any chocolate for three weeks.

That's not really relevant to Christmas, but this time of year, I normally eat a bit more chocolate. With Christmas, I kind of, yes, especially with the big tins of chocolates and stuff, because I've got nobody to tell me to, you know, to keep track of what I eat. I can end up eating a lot of them all in one go.

But when I visit my dad, he'll be there and there'll be the tin of chocolates. And my stepmom will look at him and he stops taking them. She'll put the lid on and I'll hide the tin.

That's quite funny to watch. Funny on one way, but then I can't get to them because I don't know where they are. So whatever Christmas is, I remember I worked in this cold store, like factory thing.

Basically, they processed frozen products. It was a big old place and I worked there in 1989. That was the first Christmas I worked there.

And I started in probably September and then I moved. I finished probably April and then I worked somewhere else. But I gave everybody Christmas cards that I was working with and they looked at me as if I'd literally just brought in a donkey with a child sitting on top.

Like some, you know, I didn't have a donkey with me. I'm just saying, they looked at me like really quizzically, why have I given them Christmas cards? And I don't know why I did that. Maybe when I worked in a chip shop, maybe we did give each other Christmas cards.

I don't recall because I would have been there Christmas 86, Christmas 87. And then I was left in April 88 or March 88. So maybe we gave each other Christmas cards.

So maybe that's where I got the idea from, because being my first job, like full-time job. Yeah, I remember that. What other things, other Christmases? See, Sebastian, she asked me to talk about previous Christmases, but there isn't really much to say.

There's not really much. And it's not supposed to be interesting, is it? But Christmas, just what other Christmases have I had? When I first moved to London, I used to come back to my dad's at Christmas and stay there. When I was stuck for the first probably three or four, five years, possibly up to about 95.

And then after that, I think I pretty much stayed at home, stayed in London. And yeah, even when I was living in, living with my cousin and I stayed there for four years. And she'd be, I'd give them Christmas presents and stuff like that.

But they'd be having their Christmas and I wouldn't, I really wouldn't bother with eating with them. I just, they upstairs and watch telly. Or sometimes what I'd do is, because my friend, he used to go to Ireland to be with his family.

So I'd look after his dog and stay at his flat over Christmas. So that was quite nice to have a bit of a break. What other Christmases? Oh, when I was at university, I stayed in this family house.

It was a bungalow, but was it a bungalow? No, it was a cottage. It wasn't a bungalow. It had stairs.

So it was a cottage and lovely, beautiful cottage and lovely garden and everything. So I was staying in there. I was living there for four years, I think, or three years.

I don't know. And when was that? I started living there in November, 2007. And I moved out at the beginning of 2011.

So 2007, November 2008, November 2009, that's two years. November 2010, that's three years. So it's, yeah, three years and maybe three months that I was living there.

And they had a big Christmas dinner with family and stuff. And I think we had quite a lot of snow. So I couldn't really travel to see my dad or anything.

So I just stayed there. And they invited me to have lunch, Christmas dinner with them. And I just didn't want to.

I just didn't, I don't know, I just didn't feel comfortable. And so, but I think she saved me some dinner and gave me, and I heated it up. It was lovely.

I should have just sat and had some dinner, but just, maybe I was worried that they'd want me to help with the washing up. I'm not sure. But it's something just, I don't know.

I've never really been good on being great on the whole celebratory part. Just, I don't know. So I got into Buddhism quite deeply in 2002.

So it's, I didn't really celebrate Christmas, you know, as a religion. And I still sort of, I acknowledge it and give presents and stuff when I can. But it's not, I like the buildup.

I do like the Christmas films. I love Christmas carols. And I love, I love seeing people that look happy, that look, you know, that's nice.

I don't always want to be too close to them. But it's, you know, it's preferable, isn't it, to, you know, the opposite to that, I guess. But I learned something quite, quite important.

It was back in, I don't know what year it was, but my dad, my stepmom, my second stepmom, and her two children were still living with them. So it's got to be quite a long time ago. And I was sleeping in one of the beds.

I might have been, yeah, I was sleeping in one of the rooms. And I got woken up Christmas morning by lots of laughter and giggling and all this stuff. And, you know, I opened my eyes.

I was just glad to see there was no one else in the room. But I just, it's embarrassing, really. My first thought was one of, kind of, you know, how dare them wake me up? You know, and then it dawned on me that actually getting woken up by people that are happy, having fun, and laughing, laughter, that's got to be the nicest way to get woken up, or one of the nicest ways to be woken up.

So it sort of changed my mind, changed my brain chemistry in quite a profound way. And I was able to move from being a grumpy old man to, you know, accepting, you know, perhaps getting in touch with reality, the reality that my stepmom and my little sister were actually having fun on Christmas morning. And it's a beautiful thing.

So yeah, I was, and two of the most important females in my life were enjoying themselves. So that was, yeah, it was nice. I'm trying to think of any other Christmases that are memorable.

I think because I'm 48 now, and I keep mentioning it, so I'm a bit worried that I might be becoming old. You know, that seems to be a thing with some of the older people, keep mentioning, I'm 79, you know, but I'm doing it already, and I'm only 48. If I go this way, I think by the time I'm 80, that'll be the only thing I ever say.

That'll be my answer to everything. I'm 80. I'm 80.

A bit like Guardians of the Galaxy, you know, that tree. I'll be like that, but just saying I'm 80. So what other Christmassy stories, delightful things can I talk about? And I do have a really funny story, but I can't tell you it.

No, I do want to tell you, but I can't. It's, so yeah, it's a Christmas, hopefully you're asleep anyway, so you're not listening, and you're calm and relaxed and enjoying feeling loose and comfortable, and it's nice to be relaxed, isn't it? It's nice to have that, I don't know, I think so. It's nice to have that sense of just letting go and being able to enjoy, enjoy feeling comfortable, you know.

There's something quite nice about being indoors at the moment, feeling calm, feeling relaxed. I suppose one of my, I quite like the first Christmas I had here in this flat, because it was the first time I had my own flat, my own space where no one else had access. The first time I had my own bedroom, and a living room, and a kitchen, and a bathroom, and a storage room, and a hallway, a front door that no one else could get into, and no one else has got a key to, you know.

It's the first time I've ever had this, so it's nice. It's more than, it's really great. And so the first Christmas here was in 2000, and I don't know what year it was, was it 2014? I'll have been here four years in April next year, so that's four years in 2019, which means I must have moved in here in 2015.

So December 25th, 2015, I had Andre, and I'd had him since September. He was just big enough to be able to, for me to take him for walks, and I think that first year I actually made a video Christmas Day and I filmed him, and I bought him presents, and I'd wrapped the presents up and everything, and we had a great time. But like a lot of the things, I've deleted that video and it's gone forever, but I might do one this year, just maybe like a nice little live broadcast with Andre Christmas morning, or Christmas afternoon, and just to say hi, maybe.

But I was also that time, I was drinking lager, so I was drinking quite regularly, like in the evenings and stuff, and over Christmas, I think I bought quite a few packs of lager, you know, that were in the storage room. So I had a lot of them to drink, but I haven't really drunk alcohol, not really like properly for a couple of years now. I just, I don't, I don't know, something about lager, I'm not really, I've never been a drinker of like hard, hard liquor, you know, kind of, and like whiskey and vodka and things like that, but I don't even really, don't even really like lager anymore, doesn't really, it doesn't do it for me.

I prefer a nice can of coke and some tea cakes or hot cross buns, a nice smoothie. Yes, I'm trying to hold my, to try and hold my stomach in. I shouldn't have done it in this jumper, this is an old, old jumper.

I wear this for comfort, because it's old and worn out. But I, I like it, because I had another one which is blue, really lovely colour blue, and it got holes in it underneath, well, it's got holes, and I gave it to Andre, and he, he sleeps in it, he's got it over there somewhere, sleeps.

You know, I was realising that when I film myself, it's all the long way around, what you see, see that, this is my right arm, but when you see on the screen, it looks like my left arm, but that's my right arm, my tattoo's on my right, my right arm, not my left arm, so you're not actually seeing me, how I actually look, everything's kind of the other way around, so my face is the opposite to what it should look, the opposite, I mean, it's still going to look like me, but it's, because no one's

face is exactly the same both sides, generally, and I think unless there's some chromosome issues, I don't know, but we're different, we've got, we look different on both sides, same-ish, you know, obviously the same, but slight, slight differences, so in real life, I might actually look different to this, maybe, in real life, I look a lot slimmer, so I'm going to go, so this is Christmas, when Mrs.

Sebastian asked me to, you know, if I do a Christmas thing, talk about previous Christmases, I thought, you know, there'd be years worth of stuff, loads of stuff, but in reality, there's not really, there wasn't really a lot to really say, I could have expanded on pretty much anything, but yeah, it's just what I used to enjoy, I still do, is Top of the Pops on Christmas Day, it's usually on about one o'clock, midday, two o'clock, something like that, and it'd be the hits from the previous year, you know, through 2018, and it's one of

my favourite things, always was, all through childhood, Top of the Pops on Christmas Day, and it used to be exciting to, you know, to find out who was going to be the Christmas number one, I still love that, I think what we should do, we should all get together and make sure that Cliff Richard gets the number one, or Shaken Stevens, I used to be a huge fan of Shaky back in the 80s, and he was the most successful UK artist throughout the whole of the 80s, Shaken Stevens, check him out, you've got Green Door,

She Drives Me Crazy, and It's Raining, there's so many songs, there's so many, so I'm going to go, you take care, and if I can find a way to turn this off without squeaking, I will, otherwise I'm just going to wait for a couple of seconds, and then get up, bye, that's too loud.